ATF Universe
Disclaimer: M7 belongs to... well we all know who by now. We know it ain't us. :( Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to evil genius Joss Whedon and I don't know who else. Not me, though. Any resemblance to both shows is entirely intentional and should be taken as affectionate homage. That's what happens when you take the Halloween episode from season 2 on Buffy and mix it with a little ATF M7 stuff.
Comments: Just a sort of silly story. You have been warned.
Scene 1
"So who's this new boyfriend of Maude's, anyway?" JD Dunne asked as he climbed, with some difficulty, out of Ezra Standish's shiny black Jag."JD, you are going to trip and fall in that ridiculous outfit, thereby getting a quantity of blood all over my new interior and I shall then be forced to borrow a stake from someone and put it to good use. Why you felt the need to parade around as a bloodsucking creature of the night is beyond me." Ezra narrowed his eyes and watched the young agent closely as JD staggered a bit. His long cape had tangled around his legs, throwing him off balance and it looked for a moment as if Ezra's dire predictions were going to come to pass. JD recovered, however, and shot the southerner a smug look.
"Ridiculous outfit?" JD snorted. "Like you can talk? You're wearing a dress for crying out loud!"
"It is not a dress. It is a toga. Worn by such luminaries as Alexander the Great." Ezra spit the words out from behind gritted teeth.
"Huh. It still looks like a dress to me. If that Alexander fellow was such a luminary, you'd think he would've chosen to wear pants."
"For your information, Alexander the Great was a sterling example of military genius. A heroic specimen of manhood."
"Hercules was a hero and he wore those cool leather pants. If Alexander was such a stud, why did he wear a dress? Sounds fishy to me."
"Arrrggghhhh..."
"Are you ok, Ez? You're not coming down with something are you? Cause you've got to be freezing running around in that dress. And I might've given you my cold." JD peered at his companion, who was looking rather flushed. "And you never did answer me. Who's Maude's boyfriend?"
Ezra took a deep breath. "I'm fine, JD. And Mr. Rayne is not Mother's boyfriend. He is a... business acquaintance she is cultivating."
"A rich one, by the looks of it." JD stared up the driveway towards the imposing mansion that was all lit up like Christmas. Except that it was Halloween.
"Is there any other kind?" Ezra murmured. Checking one last time that JD had locked the door of the Jag, he began making his way up the long gravelled drive, with JD following along several feet behind him, where he could practice sweeping his cape around without Ezra watching him and laughing.
"Hey fellas, wait up!" A strange clanking sound accompanied the words and both men turned to see Buck Wilmington, Nathan Jackson and Josiah Sanchez coming up the driveway a short distance behind them. It was Buck who was making the strange clanking sound. Or rather, it was his suit of armor. Buck was dressed as a knight errant.
"Oh Lord." Ezra murmured, as Buck clattered up to them, grinning. Josiah the mad monk and Nathan the mad scientist followed at a more sedate, not to mention quiet, pace.
"Mother will be absolutely appalled, I mean delighted, when she sees ya'll." Ezra's smile was just a tad on the malicious side.
"Your Mother is quite a woman, Ezra. It would take more than the seven of us to shake her." Josiah sighed dreamily.
"Josiah, please. Maude is my mother, you know." Ezra's voice was pained.
"I know she is, Ezra. And that fact will remain one of life's little mysteries. I could've sworn you were raised by wolves." Shaking his head, Josiah moved past them and continued walking up the drive, his sandals crunching on the loose gravel.
"Nice costume, JD. Just make sure Casey doesn't have any funny marks on her neck tomorrow or Nettie will stake you. Right, Nate?" Buck nudged the other man, snickering.
"No. Nettie wouldn't do that." Nathan disagreed and JD shot a look of triumph in Buck's direction. "That would be a waste of good firewood." Nathan continued with a straight face. "She'd probably just smother him with all that leftover garlic from the spaghetti she cooked last week."
Buck howled with laughter as JD glowered at him and Nathan. Ezra merely sighed and muttered something that sounded distinctly like "Whiskey. I need whiskey."
"Where are Chris and Vin?" Buck asked as the four of them resumed walking up the long drive leading to the house.
"Vin is coming with some friend from his army days and Chris is bringing Mary." Ezra replied. He kept his voice neutral.
"About time Chris got off his butt and asked Mary out." Buck said in satisfaction.
"This is the nineties, Buck. Casey said she asked him." JD informed his friends of that heretofore unknown little tidbit.
"Amounts to the same thing." Buck shrugged, not bothered at all by JD's dig. He knew he was a liberated fella. Hell, he loved women. From brazen hussy to demure Miss, it didn't make no difference to him. And the ladies knew it. That was all that mattered.
"Do you know anything about this Ethan Rayne fella?" Nathan asked as they neared the imposing house where the Halloween party was in full swing.
"Mother met him in London a few months ago. Apparently he has some connections here in Denver. Connections that she is anxious to acquire for herself. I have never met the man, so I'm afraid I can't tell you much more. But I would watch my back, if I were you. And my wallet. Mother's friends have a distressing tendency towards larceny, betrayal, and general mayhem."
"You must've had an interesting childhood then." Nathan shook his head, resigning himself to the evening ahead.
"There's Vin. He's standing there with that Indian." As the four friends were ushered into the house by a butler who looked alarmingly like the Igor character from countless horror movies, they saw the sharpshooter. He was indeed standing with an Indian. Vin was dressed as a cowboy, which was absolutely no surprise to anyone. His friend was raising a few eyebrows, however.
"Fellas." Vin greeted as they approached.
"Mr. Tanner." Ezra snuck a surreptitious look at Vin's companion. He would swear the man wasn't wearing anything under that extremely skimpy breechcloth of his. His chest was bare as well, except for a necklace of some sort. And his dark hair was in a braid that reached halfway down his back. No wonder people were staring. And the man was enjoying every second of it, too. Ezra would bet money on it. How on Earth had the quiet, unobtrusive sharpshooter acquired such a friend? Ezra would have paid money to find out.
"This is Rory Selkirk. He's an old friend from my army days." Vin had begun making the introductions while Ezra had been busy staring.
"Vin has told me a lot about you guys. But I bet I come as a complete surprise to you." Rory grinned knowingly and cuffed Vin lightly on the shoulder.
"Yep. Didn't think ol' Vin here had any friends besides us." It was Buck's turn to grin, as Vin shot him and Rory an annoyed look.
"I'm beginnin' to think twice about the friends I do got." The sharpshooter muttered.
"You seen Inez anywhere?" Buck asked, craning his head to look around the room.
"She's around somewhere. Last time I saw her she was talking to Casey and some fella dressed up in tights or somethin'." Vin shook his head at the idea. Catch him in a pair of tights. Hah!
"Let's go, JD. Time to rescue our fair damsels in distress." Buck grabbed JD's collar and began towing him along. "Nice to meet ya, Rory." Buck called over his shoulder.
"Rain couldn't make it, Nathan?" Vin asked.
"No. She's in Mexico. Couldn't get back in time."
"Too bad."
"Yeah. Reckon I'll go check on Josiah. You know how he gets around Maude. It was nice to meet you, Rory."
"Oh, meeting you guys has been my pleasure. In fact, I can't wait to meet your boss, Chris. Ain't that right, Tanner?"
"Shut up, Selkirk."
"I should pay my respects to Mother, as well. And Mr. Selkirk, meeting Mr. Larabee will be an interesting experience I assure you. Assuming you survive it." Ezra quirked his lips upwards and nodded briefly at the two men before slipping away to find Maude.
"Assuming I survive it? Ooohhh Tanner. You do like playing with fire, don't you?"
"Shut up, Rory."
Scene 2
"Mr. Larabee. Special agent in charge of Denver's most highly decorated ATF team. After all I've heard about you, I must say I expected you to be taller." The slender man with the English accent raised a mocking eyebrow, causing Chris Larabee's fist to clench. He really wanted to hit this new boyfriend of Maude's."You don't need to be tall when you're dealing with most criminals, Ethan. In general, their stupidity tends to level the playing field." Chris smiled blandly, ignoring the other guests and focusing his attention on Ethan Rayne. There was something about the man. Something smarmy. Chris would keep a close eye on him and he'd have a word with the others. Make sure they kept an eye on him, too.
"Touche." Ethan murmured, giving Chris an appraising glance. Blonde hair. Green eyes. "You wouldn't happen to have a sister named Buffy? Or a cousin perhaps?"
"No." Chris replied coolly. Ethan Rayne seemed relieved to hear that and turned his attentions to Maude. She seemed utterly charmed by the man. Or she was faking it because she wanted something from him. Chris had his suspicions about which one it was.
"Would the mysterious Man In Black care to dance?" Mary smiled and held out a hand in invitation. Her catsuit clung to her skin, causing more than a few male heads to turn her way, but Chris hardly noticed. His skin was still prickling from his meeting with Ethan. He needed to talk to Ezra. See what he knew about the fellow.
"I'm sure one of the other fellows would be happy to oblige you, Mary. If you'll excuse me, I need to take care of some business." Chris was already moving off in Ezra's last known direction, leaving Mary torn between outrage at his cavalier treatment and admiration as she stared at his backside. Chris did have a nice butt. Sighing, she moved off in search of the new reporter her paper had just hired. He was nice enough and too intimidated by her to make any advances. He'd do til Chris returned.
Scene 3
"Ezra. It's about damn time. Why are you hiding back here?" Chris demanded irritably as he walked down the dark hallway to where the gambler stood poised, with one hand ready to open the door leading into some godforsaken room."Sssshhhh... Mr. Larabee. She'll hear you."
"Who? Maude?"
"No. Mary Sue Forester."
"Who the hell is Ma..."
"Don't ask." Ezra shuddered.
"Well, whoever she is, she's going to have to wait. I want you to tell me everything you know about Ethan Rayne."
Ezra raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't like him." Chris said shortly.
"So. You want me to tell tales? About my own Mother and her friends?"
"What's that smell?" Chris interrupted suddenly, looking around. His green eyes appeared slightly unfocused.
"Smell? I don't smell anyth..." Ezra shook his head, feeling rather dizzy. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, there was a tall blond man a few feet away. He was wearing some sort of unfamiliar garb and clutching the wall, looking nearly as confused as Ezra felt.
"What's going on? What did you do to me?" The tall blond man was advancing on Ezra now, coughing and pausing every so often to shake his head, trying to clear it.
"I did nothing to you. I do not torture my defeated captives. Anyone who has heard of Ezra the Great has heard that." Vaguely, Ezra wondered where in the hell his bodyguards were. Wasn't he supposed to have a couple of them somewhere? Then he drew himself up proudly, ignoring the fact that he swayed slightly as he did so. He was Ezra the Great. Conqueror. Emperor. He had no need of bodyguards.
"Never heard of you. And what the hell do you mean defeated captive? I ain't never been defeated. And even if I was... it would take a better man than you to do it." The blond man scoffed, glancing at Ezra in a very insulting fashion.
"Spirited. Hmmm..." There could be only one reason he was here then. "So what kind of man would it take to defeat you, then?" Ezra purred, running his gaze up and down the man's lean, black clad form.
"One who ain't wearing a dress, for starters." The man folded his arms and glared at Ezra defiantly.
"This isn't a dress!" Ezra wondered why he was shouting. He usually had better control than this. And he wasn't even certain what a dress was, anyway.
"Looks like one to me."
"Well, perhaps you would prefer me to take it off then? That can be arranged." Ezra smiled suggestively. These spirited ones were always so much fun.
"What are you talking about?"
"Come now. Don't play coy with me. You appear to be a man of the world. There may even be a thing or two you could teach me. Although I doubt it." Ezra moved closer and ran a finger down the front of the man's shirt as he spoke.
The stranger took a step back and placed a hand on his sword menacingly. He placed the other hand on some other weapon that was hanging from his belt. A weapon that was unfamiliar to Ezra. He'd have to remember to ask the man about it. Later.
"You touch me again and I'll shoot you."
"Shoot me? I'm not entirely certain what you mean by that. However, if it's blood you require in order to perform, then I will be happy to oblige you with a short lesson in swordplay." Ezra indicated the sword hanging at the stranger's side. Ezra was well acquainted with swords. Of all sizes and shapes.
"What do you mean you don't know what I mean? I said I'll shoot you. With my gun right here. Seemed clear enough to me."
"I am unfamiliar with the weapon to which you are referring. Are you so lacking in honor that you would take unfair advantage of that?" Ezra knew perfectly well the man had honor coming out of his ears. He could always tell.
"Are you trying to get yourself killed here?"
"No. Merely trying to get acquainted."
"By trying to kill each other?"
"If that's what it takes."
"You're crazy."
"No. A good general will go to great lengths in order to have men such as yourself at his side while he conquers the world."
"At your side? Mister, I got things to do."
"Such as? Rescuing yet another innocent and then being forced to ride off into the sunset alone rather than stay and reap the rewards? I've seen men like you before. You deserve better. You deserve companionship. Respect..." Ezra trailed off as the man shook his head stubbornly.
"I'm looking for someone."
"Then I propose that we find him. Together."
"I work alone."
"Then we'll fight to see who gets their way."
"What do you want if you win?"
"A few hours of your time. Then I will help you find this person you're looking for. At least until I'm ready to invade my next country."
"And you'll get the hell out of my way when I win."
"But you won't."
"Just get your sword out."
Scene 4
"You cheated." The Man In Black looked up at his opponent, green eyes blazing in anger."There were no rules. How then could I have cheated?" Ezra lifted his sandaled foot from the man's neck and extended a hand to help him to his feet. The man ignored his hand and sprang agilely to his feet, still glaring.
"I should've just shot you."
"But that wouldn't have been nearly as much fun."
"Says you."
"Come. Time to make good on our wager." Ezra opened the nearest door and walked in, with the black clad stranger reluctantly following.
"What's your name?" Ezra reclined on a large divan and looked up at the blond stranger expectantly.
"Chris Larabee." The man growled, folding his arms and staring down at Ezra.
"Chris. I like the sound of that." Ezra waved a sandaled foot impatiently in the air as the man - Chris - continued to just stand there.
"You keep waving your foot around like that and I'll..."
"Yes. Yes. You'll shoot it off. Whatever that means." Ezra sighed and rose gracefully from the divan.
"The first thing is to remove these errr... weapons of yours." Ezra reached out and began unbuckling the odd looking belt his companion wore around his waist. He let his thumbs briefly caress the lean hips and felt the man flinch.
"What are you doing?" Chris demanded, his voice just a tad higher pitched than normal.
"Not nearly enough." Ezra murmured, pulling at the soft material of his companion's shirt.
"I thought you wanted me to teach you how to use my gun. I don't need my shirt off to do that." Chris's hands were busy rebuttoning the buttons Ezra had just undone.
"No. But I need your shirt off to teach you swordplay."
"I already know how to use a sword. You cheated." Chris stopped buttoning his shirt in order to point a finger accusingly at Ezra.
"I'm speaking of swordplay of a much more enjoyable kind." Ezra slid Chris's finger slowly into his mouth, relishing the feel and taste of the stranger's skin.
"Ok. That's it." Chris jerked his finger out of Ezra's mouth, wincing as sharp teeth scraped the skin.
"Ah. So you do lack honor. How very disappointing." Ezra stepped back and watched the internal struggle taking place.
"Fine. Have it your way. I'll comply, but that's all you'll get out of me."
"Is that a challenge?" Ezra's green eyes sparkled. He loved a good challenge.
Not waiting for an answer, Ezra once again began to unbutton Chris's shirt. He let it fall to the floor and then began to unbutton the tight black pants. When those too went the way of the shirt, he stepped back to take a good look.
"Oh my." He murmured, smiling as a faint flush of color began working its way down the slender body before him. Some instinct told him it was very rare for this man to be at a disadvantage.
"Just get on with it, already." Chris snapped, not looking at him.
"Oh no. Some things shouldn't be rushed." Ezra moved closer and bent his head to run his tongue lightly around one nipple. He let his hands play over the lean back, stopping when they reached the firm butt. No need to rush, like he'd said.
Chris was standing still as a statue, his body tensed as if in pain. Ezra wasn't about to let him get away with that. He bit down lightly on one nipple, causing a shudder to ripple through the lean frame. He nipped and kissed his way down the sleek chest and stomach, until he was kneeling with his face just a breath away from his companion's cock, which was partially erect. Sweat glistened on the nude body in front of him as Chris fought for control and lost.
Ezra quickly released the clasp holding his toga and it fell to the floor unheeded. Still kneeling, he ran his fingers over the length of Chris's cock, watching in satisfaction as it began to stir fully to life beneath him. Looking up at Chris, he saw that his eyes were closed and he had his head turned away.
"Look at me." Ezra commanded softly.
Slowly, he slid the length of the cock into his mouth. Chris made a muffled choking sound, but he didn't open his eyes, nor did he turn his head to look at Ezra.
Ezra continued to tease his companion, sucking and licking. Once or twice, he even let his teeth graze the tender flesh, causing his companion to clench his fists and shudder.
"Look at me." Ezra commanded once again. leaning back to look at his companion.
This time Chris opened his eyes. "Defeated by a man wearing a dress. Who would've thought it?" he whispered.
Ezra rose to his feet and let his lips brush across Chris's mouth. As it opened beneath his, he slid his tongue inside. Chris moaned. Or maybe it was him that moaned. Ezra was lost in the feel and taste of his companion. He would have to find a way to keep this man. It would be worth a sword fight every day in order to be able to do this. To feel this...
"Chris! Ezra! Someone!" The sound of a voice reached them, desperate enough to pierce even their lust fogged brains. They broke apart, staring at the far wall. The sound was coming from next door.
"Dammit, Nathan! I'm JD. I ain't a vampire. Get away from me with that stake!"
"That's Dr. Nathan Von Helsing to you, evil fiend!"
"Oh geez. Has everyone lost their minds? Josiah is out there talking even crazier than usual and trying to tear out a beard he don't have. Buck is waving his sword around and saying stuff like 'You vile cur. How dare you besmirch a lady's honor?' All I did was tell Casey she made a good tramp. Cause that's what she's dressed as! Vin and his friend are whooping and hollering and Vin's shooting that six gun of his and making holes in the walls and stuff. And Rory nearly scalped Ezra's Mom because she's got all that blonde hair that he says captures the sun."
"Evil fiend. You won't have a chance to drink any more innocent blood."
"Blood? Yuck. Get away from me, Nathan. I told you..."
There was a crashing sound and Chris and Ezra sprang into action, grabbing their clothes and putting them on in haphazard fasion. Ezra cast one last longing glance towards the divan, before following Chris out of the room.
Scene 5
Chris and Ezra had just burst into the room next door when they were hit by a new smell. A terrible one. They closed their eyes and clutched each other for support as waves of nausea crashed over them. Then, as the air slowly cleared, they opened their eyes and saw Nathan still crouched over JD with a sharp wooden stake in his hand. He looked at it in bewilderment."JD?"
"So now you know who I am?" JD snapped, getting to his feet.
"Well, I'm glad you guys know each other again. Saves a lot of time when we don't have to do the whole introduction thing." A small blonde girl stepped casually out of the shadows, a redhead that looked to be about the same age at her side.
"Who are you?" Chris stared at her. To her credit, she met his gaze without flinching. JD figured she must have superpowers of some kind if she could do that.
"Name's Buffy." The blonde girl turned to her friend. "Can you handle everything here, Will? I'm gonna go see if I can find Ethan. I think I need to hit him a few times. I have midterms the day after tomorrow, so we can't even go skiing or anything while we're here. And he owes me the cost of a plane ticket. I had to spend my clothes money for the entire year to get here!"
"I'll be ok." The redhead gulped bravely. She eyed Chris nervously, but he paid her no attention.
"Ethan? I'll go with you." The two blondes set off in search of their prey.
"Uh.. I bet you're wondering what's going on?" The redhead said timidly.
Grim stares were her only reply.
Scene 6
"So how many times did you get to hit him before he escaped?" JD asked eagerly as the seven men stood at the airport gate, where they had just escorted Buffy and her friend Willow onto the waiting plane."Not enough times." Chris replied grimly.
"Amen, brother." Josiah agreed fervently, remembering a few of his wilder maunderings from the previous night.
"I don't know, Josiah. It was kind of fun. Except for the part where Nathan kept trying to stake me."
"Explain it to me again." Buck said. "Ethan is a magician of some sort and he did this spell and we all smelled that funny stuff, except for the kid here cause he had a cold, and then we all started acting like our costumes. And a couple of girls barely out of high school crashed the party with the antidote and rescued everyone. And it was all so he could steal some moldy old family heirloom Ezra's Mom owns that can bring about the end of the world as we know it?"
"That about sums it up." Chris nodded.
"Ok. I just wanted to be clear on things."
"I just can't believe that Buffy is the Slayer. She's so young." Nathan shook his head.
"Hell, I thought the part about vampires bein' real and all was hard to believe." Vin shrugged.
"Yes, well. Stranger things on Heaven and Earth, Horatio." Ezra murmured.
"So what about you two? What fool things did you do under the evil influence of that spell?" Buck waggled his eyebrows in Chris's direction before turning to do the same thing in Ezra's direction.
"I don't really remember much. Do you, Ezra?" Chris glanced at the southerner, an unreadable expression on his face.
Ezra paused before answering slowly. "No. I'm afraid I don't recall much, either. I believe I was in hiding from a rather amorous Bo Peep at the time the spell happened."
"I remember her. I don't blame you for hiding." JD shuddered. "That's funny, though." JD continued. "Everyone else remembers what happened. I wonder why you guys don't?"
"How's Maude taking her loss?" Chris changed the subject, interrupting JD's musings.
"With remarkable equanimity. She's feeling particularly smug that she managed to retain possession of that family heirloom she won in a poker game somewhere in St. Louis. And she did make several valuable acquaintances during the course of the party."
"Ones who will be more than happy to do whatever they can in order to keep her quiet about what went on at that party." Vin stated dryly.
"Indeed, Mr. Tanner."
"What a woman." Josiah sighed.
THE END
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