ATF Universe
Two weeks later, Ezra was cleared for light duty. Chris had taken him back to the condo the day before. Chris had been reluctant to let him return home alone, the sparkle had yet to return to the undercover agents persona. Chris was also mulling over the last thing that Ez had confided to him.
He had said to Chris, "I'm not sure that I can remain with the team. This knock may be too much to work along side. It would make the healing process almost impossible."
"Can you give it time? This decision will effect the whole team." Chris asked sincerely.
"Okay, Chris, I'll give it a try."
Now Chris was waiting for Ezra to arrive and he was surprised at how anxious he was feeling about it.
Ezra on the other hand, was just taking it slowly, attempting to reintegrate himself into his own schedule. His first stop was Starbuck's, for his morning must. Needless to say, he was more than surprised when the cashier referred to him by name even before he ordered.
"Oh, Mr. Standish, we have your order ready." She handed the large latte across the counter. Ezra had his billfold out and was in the process of taking out his money, when she interrupted him. "Oh, no Mr. Standish, you tab for a year in advance has been paid." She wore a huge smile.
"And who is the philanthropist?" Ezra inquired.
"Huh?"
"Who pre-paid?" He restated.
"Oh, don't know. When we arrived one day last week, your picture, the money and instructions were here. It's such a nice thing." She smiled again.
Ezra pondered it on his way to work. Vin could of done it, but then he'd probably want him to know. The team could have done it, but they'd want him to know too. A pleasant puzzle.
Ezra entered the office amid chatter and noise that stopped as he approached his office. JD was up and across the office before Ezra had drawn a breath.
"Good to see ya back, Ez. You sure look good." JD was bubbly.
Josiah put his hand out to Nathan, palm up. "You owe me, I told ya he'd stop for coffee first." Josiah grinned at Ezra as Nathan pulled out a twenty.
Nathan shook his head, "I was sure that since you'd gone without coffee for so long, you'd skip it."
Ezra grinned at the two men, "Gentlemen, the way I made it through the convalescent period was the countdown of minutes to my first cup of real coffee."
"Well hell, then Ez, you haven't gotten one yet. That stuff there is just fru-fru stuff." Buck then laughed at his own funny.
Ezra just shook his head as he entered his office, studiedly avoiding Vin's eyes, but making brief contact with Chris'.
Ezra made it through the day easier than he expected, but still with the sharp reminder of a love lost. The pain reached deep into his heart. He made his way down to the parking garage with Buck and JD, and they all stopped short at the large red bow on Ezra's Jag. The note attached said that it had been washed and waxed, courtesy of the Spif-N-Shine. Ezra looked at his two companions but they shrugged and shook their heads no, they had no clue.
Bemusidly, Ezra open his car and headed for home.
The next morning when Ezra arrived with his Starbuck's coffee, he found in his office a CD player, playing a new recording of a favorite concerto. Ezra looked for a note and found none. He figured it was Vin, but he didn't look anticipatory or even seem to notice. The only obvious thing that Vin was doing was not being in the room at the same time as himself.
The next day there were croissants and Brie cheese and several pieces of biscotti. Ezra couldn't help but smile, though he didn't say a word to the others or let on that he was pleased. As he left that day he had found his car washed and waxed again.
Ezra went to the office wondering what he would find waiting for him. This morning it was a gravity defying fountain pen with his initials on the cap. He used it with a smile.
The day passed along pleasantly and the team was working on background for an upcoming case. They were going to get together at Inez's but Ezra had begged off. He wasn't going to let himself get caught up in the friendships again, especially as he would probably leave the team. The members needed to work together and trust each other, Ezra wasn't sure he wanted to anymore.
The undercover man had had a bad night and was grumpy this morning. He made eye contact with no one as he closed the door to his office behind him. There was only a piece of paper on his desk today. It was typed, so it gave no clue to the sender, though the words there could possibly. It was a poem.
The boy, now a man
Stood alone for so long
He grew to fear closeness
He would work along side others
But never ask their name
He would give his help gladly
But never meet their eyes
As years pass he forgot
How to open his heart
He will die sad and alone
Ezra put the paper down, feeling too much of a connection with the words. Raw work, but it sure could evoke a deep feeling from him. He sighed and placed it inside the top drawer and turned to his computer to begin his work.+ + + + + + +
Saturday dawned closer to noon for the late night man. He had pondered the words of the poem 'til a movie captured his mind and let him unwind. He walked in his boxers to retrieve the paper off his porch. He was not surprised to find something wrapped inside. "The Magnificent Seven." Ezra smiled as he stepped back inside.
On Sunday, Josiah came by, followed by JD to watch football. They brought the popcorn, Ezra had the beer and the three of them had a laid back day. Ezra checked his email before bed and found a game card waiting for him. A version of Opera Trivial Pursuit. Ezra played 'til the wee hours, and beat the game with a satisfied smirk. Then he traced the card sender and came up with the library files. He traced it back to the patrons terminal. Accessing the video monitor he scanned for the time sent, but didn't see anyone he recognized. The sender of the daily favor was keeping his identity a well kept secret.
Ezra strolled into the office only five minutes behind Buck and JD with his coffee in hand. A record for a Monday morning. Chris alerted them to a meeting in fifteen minutes. All agreed with mumbles and murmurs. Ezra entered his office and couldn't help looking at his desk for the daily offering. It was another poem, along with a German pastry. Taking a bite of the pastry, he read:
A sliver of light
You did cast upon me
But with intensity so bright
I ran for the dark
Panic ....I cannot stay
Ezra reread the words and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Vin was the author. He had suspected Vin all along, but he hadn't looked at him all week or checked to see how he had received the 'gifts.'
He joined the others in the conference room. As Chris talk about the upcoming investigation, Ezra found himself thinking on the two poems and the story they were telling. He found himself looking forward to what the next poem would reveal. Ezra wasn't sure how he knew, but he was sure there would be more.+ + + + + + +
Chris watched Vin, he was up to something, but he wasn't sure what it was. He stayed away from Ezra all last week, which puzzled him frankly. When Vin had come back from his weeks absence, he had seemed determined to speak with Ezra. He had turned the tracker away when he had come out to the ranch, Ez had made it clear, he wouldn't take any visits from him.
Now, he acted like Ezra wasn't even in the building. Gut instinct told him Buck knew what was going on, he'd just have to corner the lover.
Vin could feel Chris' eyes on him, but he couldn't explain to him what he was doing. Chris already thought him cowardly, and this might add to that opinion. He waited for the others to leave before he went down to meet with Buck.
Buck leaned against his truck, legs crossed as he stood there. "Well, Romeo, how goes it?"
Vin looked at Buck puzzled, "Are you sure this is working?"
"Yup."
"Oh, has he said something?" Vin asked excitedly.
"Nope." Buck grinned, "That's how I know it's working." Vin looked puzzled, so Buck added, "He would have spoken out if he were irritated, because he hasn't, he's paying attention."
Vin sighed, he so hoped it was true. All the words he wrote, he meant. He just needed a chance to prove it.+ + + + + + +
Ezra walked into his office before Josiah and Nathan even arrived. He sipped his coffee as he picked up the paper he knew would be lying there. The words were dark and disturbing.
Let me throw my body on the flame
Scorched and burned into the ground
Below, beneath the beetle walk
The only place I now call home
Ezra worked the day with the words playing about his mind. On his email, before leaving he read another section of the larger poem.
Debase, taunt, ridicule
Scorn, shun, condemn
Degrade, debauch, demean
Instead of you, this should be done to me.
Wednesday found Ezra at the office before Buck and JD, too. He had a need to see what words he'd read today.
I'm bleeding and broken
But never said the words out loud
Emeralds did dare to share
They teased the heart to life
Despite the room, I can hardly move
Good intentions turn to doubt
The undercover agent, the master of the poker face, the man that did not wear his emotions for view, was in his own emotional turmoil. The words were weaving their way inside, his heart was feeling joy, but this could yet be another illusion, and he didn't even know if he could trust himself. He knew he was tempted.
Another prep meeting for the upcoming case, but this one ran into lunch and Chris had ordered sandwiches to be delivered. Buck turned on the radio to catch the last half of the dedication lunch hour. The seven men were spread out about the room, eating, as the final request came over the speakers.
"This goes out to Ezra.....Dare to Dream......today's final request by the Greek musician, Yanni." The instrumental music played as the men munch, and no one teased Ezra about it at all.
Chris looked at Buck, but Buck just grinned. Ezra never looked up from his meal and neither did Vin.
Thursday had low morning clouds and made the drive into work difficult, but Ezra still managed to get there just after Chris. As he entered his office his eyes automatically sought out the top of his desk. Another piece of paper, another poem.
Green eyes light my life
Same as stars do the night
Sparkle and twinkle
Your secrets they hold
But I broke the key
To undo that lock
I trampled the light
That showed me the way
I sit lost and forgotten
A crumpled up promise
Just tossed away
This was my life
Until you came
Ezra read the words that softened his heart. The pain reached out to him, but he could remember his pain. He still didn't know. The fear of taking a chance again lashed about his heart like actual tendrils.
He told Chris he needed the afternoon off, Chris just nodded his head, the inner turmoil was almost tangible. Chris knew his own fear, the breakup of the team.+ + + + + + +
Ezra arrived on Friday morning later than usual, even for the undercover man. Chris took his own breath as he saw the man enter his office. There seemed to be more static in the air, as if something were afoot.
Ezra halted just inside his door, closing it behind him. Eyes riveted to the crème colored paper. He approached it slowly, not even sure he wanted to read it. But his curiosity won out and he picked up what turned out to be very fine stationary.
I am all that I'll ever be
When you lay your hands over me
Don't let the darkness close in
Tell me we can have a chance again
Ezra found himself overwhelmed with emotions. He rested his chin on his fist as he looked out at the city, seeing nothing. This is how Buck found him and hour later. He coughed to get the man's attention.
Ezra looked up at Buck and seemed to pull himself together, "You need something, Mr. Wilmington?"
"No, just thought you should step close to the window."
Something odd in Bucks voice had Ezra's feet moving even before he had decided to join him at the window. Buck pointed out at the sky. An airplane was writing across the sky, and he understood why Buck alerted him. His name was in giant letters across the sky. As he spent the next several minutes watching the pilot, He knew what it would say.
-------Ezra, I love you. Vin------
Ezra went to his desk, rested his head atop folded arms and wept.+ + + + + + +
Buck realized that it was too quiet in Ezra's office. He also knew that Vin was dying a slow death over there. He got up from his desk and silently entered the office only to find the man in question quietly sobbing into his arms. Buck closed the door behind him before he walked over and stood next to Ezra for a few seconds, then placed his open hand on his shoulder.
Ezra felt the hand and knew it was Buck. Without moving his head he uttered, "I don't know what to do. I am so confused. The pain was so great, but this wooing......I....I..."
Buck squatted down beside his friend. In a voice more serious than most would recognize, Buck questioned, "The pain of the betrayal aside, where do your emotions lie? How do you, Ez, feel for Vin." Buck knew he had the undercover man's attention. "Do you hate him?"
Ezra shook his no, "I tried, but I find I just can't."
Very quietly, Buck asked, "Do you love him?"
There were several seconds of absolute silence, then Ezra forced out, "Yes, if I'm being honest with myself, that's the only answer I can give."
Buck sat himself down, back against Ezra's desk. "Do you want the relationship?"
Ezra lifted his head and shifted so he could look at Buck. When he looked down at his friend, he didn't see the free-loving ladies man. Instead, he saw the caring and passionate man that always lurked below the surface. The man that took the concept of love very serious. "How can I? The pain seared so deep. Buck, I have never loved that deeply, I couldn't take that pain again."
"Ez, pain can be a crippler. It makes moving forward extremely hard. But right now, you have to look deep inside your own heart. Ask yourself a few telling questions, and answer them honestly. Ez.......if you've never loved this deeply before, do you want to cast it aside this easily. Wait..wait..," reacting to Ezra's attempt to interrupt. "Pard, I'm not discounting the pain.....I'm just asking, do you not try for another shot?.........The path to true love is usually harder than most are willing to put up with.....they settle. Do you want to settle sometime down the road...or do you want to take a chance and see if you can't garner that elusive heart match."
Ezra joined Buck on the floor, weighing all the words that Buck had said. Buck straighten his legs out and gently made direct eye contact with the troubled man.
"When I found Vin on my door step three weeks ago, he looked just like Chris did after he lost Sarah and Adam. That type of pain is hard to look at. He wanted to bust down your door and hog tie you so you'd be forced to listen. But somewhere deep inside, he must of known that was the wrong tactic to use with you, so he ended up at my place. JD doesn't know that Vin came....they're all in the dark about what's been going on....and Chris is eaten alive with curiosity as is JD." Buck paused before continuing, "I suggested that Vin build a foundation to place a relationship. He was scared. I don't think he understood why he was so scared, but he wanted to try......he wanted to earn a shot with you. He wants to take it slow, he wants to date you."
"How'd you get him to not give himself away? He can be very direct at times." Ezra asked as an aside.
"Told him his ONLY chance with you was to curtail his need to know now. Did okay too." Buck looked about the office as Ezra thought his thoughts, trying to come up with a decision.
Ezra thought of his lonely childhood and didn't wish to spend his adult life the same way. But could he trust again? He had cringed when Buck had mentioned settling......how insipid. The Ezra that he exposed to the world might be thought of as being capable of settling, but that real Ezra inside would find it impossible to live with. That really didn't leave him with a lot of options.
"I don't actually know my own capacity to forgive, but I know I must take the chance." Ezra looked up into Buck's brown eyes and asked, "What should I do?"
"Let him take you out to dinner and a movie tonight and then you set the pace from there." Buck hoped that Ezra would go for it. Those two, though unconventional, seemed so destined, it was some intangible feeling he got.
Ezra nodded.
Buck smiled, "Okay. Seven forty five." Buck got up and stretched his legs then walked to the door. Before opening he turned back, "It's a very brave thing, to try again." Buck slipped out the door and closed it behind him.+ + + + + + +
At seven forty five exactly, Ezra's doorbell rang. Ezra took a deep breath and opened it. He sucked in his breath at the sight he beheld.
Vin's hair glistened. His charcoal gray suit set off the smoke colored shirt. The blue of his eyes matched the blue of his tie. And those so very blue eyes also looked apprehensive.
Ezra smiled in an attempt to put Vin more at ease.
Vin then handed him a single, thornless, lilac rose. "My intentions are honorable. My commitment is strong." Vin took a little breath then.
Ezra took the rose and brought it into the kitchen, where he took down a vase designed for a single flower. He put water in the vase and added a little sugar. "For a longer life."
Vin smiled and then indicated the door. He led him out front where Nathan's SUV was waiting. "Didn't wanna you getting dirty in the jeep." Vin answered Ezra's uplifted brows.
They arrived at the Chart House and Vin had a table reserved in the back. They mostly talked work but it was pleasant and it was done without tension. Afterwards they went to the movies and saw The Patriot. Over coffee, they had an absorbing conversation on the historical accuracies or inaccuracies of the film. They proved and disproved each others points.
Vin dropped him off and asked if they could do dinner and a play the following night. Ezra nodded and Vin said he would pick him up at six. Ezra had offered his vehicle, but Vin had only smiled and told him that he and Nathan had traded for the weekend.
They had an equally pleasant time the following evening. Vin had dressed to the nines again and had produced tickets to "Rent." It provoked another entertaining conversion and Ezra had to admit to himself that he had truly enjoyed his time with the tracker. Vin had again dropped him off without attempting to kiss him. Ezra wasn't sure if were disappointed or not.
Sunday was football and a BBQ at Chris' and Ezra had already agreed to go. It was a relief to Chris, he was beginning to hope that the team would be able to stay together.
Nathan joined them by half time, returning from his weekend with Rain. Buck and Josiah ran enough interference so that no awkward situations would develop, and before dinner Chris suggested a ride and was surprised when no one opposed it. The evening ended without a problem and several members took an extra sigh before their heads hit the pillow.
Over the next couple of weeks, Vin and Ezra attended an art exhibit, an opera, another play and three movies. At the end of the second week, Vin had pulled up in front of Ezra's place and turned off the engine. They were in the middle of a spirited argument and neither were ready to concede. At the conclusion of his point, Ezra turned sharply toward Vin, just as Vin had leaned closer to hiss his answer. Their faces were less than an inch apart, and both men froze. Blue eyes searched green for any hint of discomfort. Finding none, he leaned closer, giving Ezra the opportunity to pull away. But Ezra did not and Vin pressed his lips softly to the lips of the man that held his heart. Desire ran rampart through his body, but he kept it in check, knowing how important it was not to blow it now.
Ezra was surprised and delighted at the touch of the velvet lips against his. He was also surprised at how fast the desire spread, making him forget where they were. Vin didn't though, and broke the kiss before he lost all control. His body hadn't forgotten a single moment of their only time together, the same time he nearly destroyed both their lives. He hoarsely said good night and Ezra could read the lust that rested in the deep blue eyes.+ + + + + + +
Ezra was checking the selection of CDs he was bringing as he waited for the doorbell. Vin had asked him to dress casual and to bring his favorite music. Vin was making dinner for him tonight and this would be the first time they had spent the entire evening alone together since the wooing began. Ezra admonished himself, butterflies, how silly of him to succumb to something so trite.
The bell rang, cutting off all thought. He answered the door with his CD carrier in hand. Vin was in faded blue jeans, the snug ones that Ezra loved so well. He followed the man downstairs and climbed into the jeep.
"Nathan done with it now?" Ezra inquired.
Vin smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, all through." Ezra knew that Nathan was just being a friend.
Vin had prepared Beef Burgundy with broiled new potatoes and broccoli almondine. When Ezra had complemented Vin on the fine meal, Vin's comment had been that Josiah had helped.
Vin was grateful to Ezra for the opening, they couldn't go forward without clearing the past. "They like you. They've all been willing to help."
"They like you too, Vin." Ezra added.
But Vin shook his head, "Ez, not anymore. They all heard what I said. The cruel, horrid words that I threw out to hurt you. Then they ended up hurting you and me completely and losing all my friends." Vin paused and shifted his gaze to rest on Ezra, he didn't take his eyes off him. As he forced the words out, tears formed, leaving his eyes with a sheen. "When I said it was a one night stand......I was trying to convince myself. But I chickened out and placed the blame on you. I don't think I have ever acted more cowardly in my life."
Vin's voice was but a whisper, "I saw tenderness in your eyes that day, and I panicked. Not since my ma, had I ever seen that. I didn't know what to do, so I figured to distance myself, but I was so afraid you'd figure the truth. So I lashed out at you to drive you away. And I did."
Ezra kept the eye contact, he was amazed at all Vin's eyes could reveal.
Then Vin almost lost control of his voice, "Then you died. I died. I didn't know 'til that happened, what to call what I felt. Chris was the first real friendship as an adult that I had formed. There were a few important people as I grew up, but I never said, I loved them. Chris brought me into the team and then the rest of you became friends." Vin stood up and paced as he continued. "But what I felt for you was always mixed up. I never wanted to run my fingers through Buck's hair. I never wanted to rub the ache from Chris' shoulders. But I did when it came to you." Vin shook his head, "I threw it all away, hurt you, I don't deserve another chance, but will you really give me one anyway?" Vin finally sat on the floor, back against the wall opposite from Ezra.
This was the moment that Ezra knew had been coming. Decision time. He had taken Buck's suggestion, looked deep inside, asked those questions. He was going to have to let his heart guide him. "Vin, you truly hurt me. I'm not sure that Maude had ever hurt me to that degree. Love, acceptance, caring, were not the things I was taught as I was growing up. But I do understand fear, and retreat." Ezra paused, collecting his thoughts. "But it was the poems. An in-depth look at a soul. No casual, shallow individual wrote those. I felt the torture. I read and reread each one, a person that can write from the soul and can put every fiber of their heart and body into words is someone I'd give my soul and life for.... someone who would be worth the fight to get or keep..... so yeah I forgave you........ Just didn't know if I could trust you....... But these last few weeks, I realized that we never knew each other this way before, there hadn't really been any trust built at the time. So I will commit to the fight to keep us together."
Vin felt like his heart was beating a hundred times faster. Hope sprung eternal. Ezra was giving them a chance. He got up and crossed to Ezra and sat next to him. He raised his hand and ever so gently brushed Ezra's cheek with his knuckles. He looked deep into Ezra's eyes, it was like a mine of emeralds, glistening and endless. Hiding nothing in his, he said softly, "Please forgive me, oh Ezra." He leaned down and captured the lips he had been dreaming of.
The kiss started gentle, but as Ezra met Vin's advance with equal ardor, the kiss deepened. Tongues begged for permission to invade and each was granted entrance. Their tongues explored each others depths. Vin captured Ezra's and sucked it deep into his mouth. Ezra moaned and pulled Vin tighter to him. Vin ran his fingers through the chestnut hair before grasping the nap of his neck and running his other hand all across his back.
Vin gently pushed Ezra back against the couch and raised his head, looking deep into the verdant orbs, he needed to check that this was what his beau really wanted. "I'll stop here, if that's what you want." Vin knew it would be difficult, but he was sincere.
Ezra knew in his heart, that he had already made his decision. So in answer to Vin's query, he simply pressed himself closer, allowing Vin to feel the evidence of his arousal. Vin growled his pleasure and pressed his body even closer as he moved Ezra onto his back. He rained little kisses on his face and continued down onto his neck. He worked his tongue from the adam's apple to the ear and back. His fingers began work on the buttons of the fine rayon shirt. The tracker found the waiting nipples and fingered them, rubbed them and brought his tongue down to lavish them with attention. From one side to the other, he showered them until they stood erect and rosy.
Ezra was enflamed and pulled Vin's shirt off and brushed their chests together. Vin took Ezra's lips in a searing kiss and groaned himself as Ezra arched up into him, rubbing their erections together. Vin ran his hand down his lover's chest and cupped his groin and squeezed it lightly. Ezra bucked up uncontrollably into his hand.
Vin wanted to taste and needed to pleasure his heart match overwhelmingly. He undid the trousers as he paid homage to his smooth lips. He caressed his tongue with his lips as he freed the engorged shaft from its confinement. The scent of Ezra's sex assailed his senses and the tracker tracked it down to its source. His tongue left a burning trail of need in its journey downward. He then took a few seconds to breathe in a full breath of the scent, only then when his mouth could delay no longer, he plunged downward, encasing the entire member into his mouth and throat.
Ezra trembled from the sensations of Vin's throat pulsating about his throbbing cock. Ezra tried to rock his hips, but his lover held them tight in his grasp and worked his lips and tongue all about the shaft. Finding sensitive spots that Ezra didn't even know about. His fingers kneaded the tightening sacs, feeling them increase in size. Vin could feel the orgasm building and backed off slightly, wanting to bring him to a higher level of wanting. Ezra moaned his displeasure at absence of the moist cavern he had been housed in, but the groan changed to moans of pleasure as the tongue slurped about the inner thighs and ringed the vibrating hole. Vin's tongue plunged inward, causing Ezra to buck wildly, Vin could feel his lover's desperation for release and replaced his mouth over the quivering shaft, he placed one finger inside and aimed for the hard nub there. He opened his throat and sucked hard as he rubbed the prostrate with the one hand and fingered his sacs with the other. Ezra burned and erupted into Vin's throat and Vin milked both the cock and ball sacs to get every drop of fluid, swallowing it all.
Ezra collapsed back with a smile. He opened his eyes and gazed into the cerulean pools and let his love shine out from them. He then indicated to Vin to remove the rest of his confining clothes. Vin pulled them off and laid them aside. Ezra then spread his legs apart as he pulled Vin back down on top of him. He whispered into his lover's ear, "Take me. I am yours."
Vin checked the loving eyes looking at him and Ezra spread himself even more. Vin couldn't resist the invitation, understanding all the implications that went along with it. But Vin was done running and he was done hiding from himself. Fate had shined on him this time and he wouldn't blow it. He made a vow to himself and communicated that vow to Ezra, he was there for the long haul. The two of them had this second chance at love, and neither would forget the road it took to get here. Just before he plunged into the virgin hole, he looked into the eyes of his heart match, and whispered, "Your heart is safe with me. I love you."
Fini
Author's note: The poems were written by K. Mashburn, except the one line written by Rob Thomas(I am all that I'll ever be when you lay your hands on me). Many thanks to Rob for inspiration and many thanks to Sihn for the endless encouragement.
Comments to: BatsRGr8@aol.com