ATF Universe
Note: This section was written by Peggy.
Vin grabbed the phone on the second ring. The blare echoed loudly in the quiet apartment, startling him. He took a breath. "Chris?" he asked hesitantly, wishing into the phone, his eyes shut, praying."Vin? No, sorry, it's Rory. He hasn't called yet?"
"Nope. I tried him 3 or 4 times after you dropped me off, but no answer," Vin said softly.
"Shit, man, I'm really sorry. I didn't know you two were so, I mean, serious, a couple. Vin, you gotta know I never would have said what I did about us. Hell, I was only teasing. Chris is kind of sensitive huh?" Rory thought Chris Larabee was the most uptight, rigid man he'd ever met. He didn't envy Vin his relationship with the older man. And this guy was Vin's boss, too. Shit, Tanner, good move, buddy—fucking your boss.
"Yeah, I guess," Vin sighed into the phone. "Who knew?" Who knew a lot of things where Chris Larabee was concerned.
"Need company? You sound awfully down, Vin. How about I come over and cheer you up? Just talk, you know, catch up with each other. Nothing physical if you don't want. Phil already took off. He's into the club scene. He says 'hi' by the way. Hopes things work out between you and Chris."
"Phillip's good people. You two together now? Well as "together" as you can be, knowing you, Rory," Vin grinned.
"We share a house but we still see other people. So, Vin," Rory sounded hopeful, "am I coming over anytime soon?"
"Okay, but I have a favor to ask. So you might want to reconsider. Can you drop me off at Chris's ranch? My jeep's still there."
Not what I had in mind, Tanner, Rory thought. "Um, okay Vin if that's what you want." The disappointment was evident in Rory's voice.
Vin smiled into the phone. "Thanks, Ror, I owe you."
"Hey, no problemo, that's what friends are for," Rory replied. And that's not all friends are for, he mused as he hung up the phone, images of the last time he and Vin were alone washing over his mind. He smiled to himself. Larabee, you jerk, Rory thought for the hundredth time that night. What I wouldn't give to have Tanner feel about me the way he feels about you.
+ + + + + + +
Chris Larabee sat in his recliner nursing his third scotch. The first two were downed so quickly he gasped from the burn in his throat, his eyes watering. Liquid dinner. Wouldn't be the first time. He replayed the scene from that afternoon at the tennis court. For the tenth time, but who was counting? Vin admitted cheating on him with Rory. Didn't seem to think it was a big deal. Hell, probably didn't even think of it as cheating. 'Ain't like we ever talked about being faithful.' Isn't that what Vin spat at him? Well, that was true enough. Since when did you have to spell out what should have been obvious, Chris thought. But what's obvious to me I suppose was never obvious to Vin. What we have here, Mr. Tanner, is a failure to communicate.
Chris leaned back in the chair and ran his hand over his face. I wouldn't listed to Vin when he wanted to talk about it. 'No,' I said. 'No, no, no.' His words echoed in his ears. I shut him out good with that little hissy-fit of mine. "Shit!" Chris yelled loudly. He was finally admitting to himself he might have overreacted. But hell, Vin, playing tennis with two guys you're fucking? What is up with that, pard?
Chris wondered briefly if Phillip and Vin had ever...but shut down that thought as fast as it had popped up. Bad enough to imagine Vin with Rory. Bastard. Young like Vin. Handsome like Vin. How long had they know each other? How often had they been together? Were they lovers while in the Rangers? Don't ask, don't tell. Would they have risked a dishonorable discharge if they were found out? Was there anything "to" find out?Chris could torture himself all night with these thoughts. And so far that's exactly what he had been doing. He was a pro at mind fucking. Now he had turned his talents back on himself. His stomach was clenched and crampy. His head throbbed. He sipped his scotch, stared at the TV. He had no idea what he was watching. "Fuck it!" he mumbled to himself.
The phone rang. Again. Chris didn't even look at it. Vin's voice. Again. What was this, the third time he called? No, the fourth. The machine picked up. Vin's soft drawl washed over him.
"I'm coming over to get my jeep, Chris. Hope we can talk." Long pause. "I'm...we...hell, see you soon cowboy." Did his voice sound broken, raspier than usual? Did it sound like Vin had been crying? Good, thought Chris, selfish prick. Keep it in your pants. Keep it in my hands. Keep it just for me.
Chris was drunk. He got up from the recliner, wobbling slightly, his feet unsteady. Not staying here if he's coming. Aw shit, can't drive like this. Won't answer the door. That'll show 'im. Oh, for chrissakes Larabee, you're 40-years-old, not a fucking "Dawson's Creek" angst-ridden adolescent. Act your age, not your shoe size. Wisdom from his childhood. Chris plopped back down letting the leather chair swallow him. He tossed back the rest of the scotch, spilling some on his white tennis shirt. He still had his tennis clothes on, minus his sneakers and socks. He wriggled his bare toes. He wished Vin was massaging them. His feet were still sore from the pounding they took on the hard court. I'm falling apart. How can I keep up with a 27-year-old? How can I compete? How can I possibly be anymore pitiful? This was not one of the prouder moments of Chris Larabee's life.
Chris was rapidly sinking into a pit of despair. I want him. I need him more than I've needed anything in my life. We complete each other. Why doesn't he need me as much as I need him? Damn him to hell! Could it be because I never told him? Nah! Couldn't be that easy. Just say the words. Out loud. To Vin. Give it a try, when he gets here. Still mad at him, though. Tomcattin' around. Won't put up with that, Tanner.
Chris passed out, still in the recliner, one hand loosely holding the empty glass balanced on his chest.
+ + + + + + +
Rory pulled in behind Vin's jeep in the driveway. "So. You'll be okay, Vin? Chris isn't the violent type, right? I mean you guys, being in the ATF and all, "F" being a major part of your lives, he wouldn't, you know, lover's-quarrel-shoot-the-younger-lover or anything like that, right?" Rory wasn't sure how serious he felt asking this, but he smiled anyway.
"Nah, he might, however, do the shoot-the-young-lover's-recent-handsome-young-fuck thing, Ror," Vin grinned. "Better not come in, 'kay?" Vin leaned over and kissed Rory chastely on his lips. "Don't think I'll be doin' anything more than that from now on, Ror, sorry. I think if Chris is willin' to talk, I'm willin' to listen. Hell, who am I kiddin'? I love him, Ror. I didn't realize how much 'til I lost him today. I need him back. And your ol' Sarge is gonna do and say anthing to make it right with him. Think I'm crazy?" Vin's grin widened.
"I gotta tell you buddy, this whole 'your mission, Vin, should you decide to accept it' crap, and that's what this is, impossible, it's just not you. Yeah, I think you're crazy." Rory fixed his deep brown eyes on Vin, willing him to listen. "Man, think about it. You're like me, Vin. You need the game, the hunt, fresh meat. You're too young to settle down." Rory gripped Vin's thigh. "You're rushing into this and I think you're over your head. Vin, he's a control freak! You need time to consider the consequences. Fuckin' the same guy all the time, knowing what's out there? It'll drive you nuts, Tanner! I know you, Vin. Please, let's turn around right now, before it's too late." Rory's voice was hoarse with emotion. Vin had never seen his old friend so impassioned, while fully clothed. He turned his deep blue eyes on Rory and opened his mouth to defend his actions, but Rory stumbled on.
"I think you are a bloody twat, Tanner, tying yourself down like this to an anal-retentive old guy like Larabee. That's Brit-talk, Vin, the twat part. Courtesy of our mutual friend, Lt. Nigel Eames, SAS. You remember him, Vin? You two were...," Rory began, a smile playing on his lips, as he remembered what the three men had shared.
"Stop it, Rory. Don't make this harder than it has to be. Yeah, I remember Nige, and Phillip and yeah, you most of all, and there's plenty of guys I don't remember. Not even their faces. That's not me anymore. Chris may not be the easiest person to live with but he's the best. And he's mine and shit, Ror, I love him. I said it twice, it must be true. Hell, it's gettin' easier to say, too. Shit. Simple as that. And I'm gonna tell him. Even if he punches my lights out and kicks my sorry ass out of his house." Vin was breathing hard, his blue eyes blazing. He took Rory's hand off his thigh and held it a minute. Vin leaned over and kissed Rory's cheek, ruffled his thick black hair and gave him a sudden grin. "I know what I'm doin', Ror. This is right for me." Then he stepped out of the car and walked to the front door of the ranch.
Rory yelled after Vin, "Good luck, Sarge. Hey, you change your mind about this, you know where to find me, 'kay? No hard feelings?"
Vin about faced and saluted Rory smartly. "Thanks Ror. Good luck to you, too. Maybe we'll see you and Phil, well, come to think of it maybe not for a while. Give Chris a chance, Rory. He's a good guy, really," Vin called after his old friend as he slowly pulled away. Vin caught the sight of Rory giving the universal thumbs-up sign, his arm raised high out the window, as he drove down the gravel driveway. Vin took a deep breath. 'Here goes nothin,' he thought. He rang the doorbell.
No answer. Damnit, Larabee, open up! Vin's thoughts commanded. He knocked loudly on the wooden door and again. Shit! I know you're in there, cowboy. C'mon, open up. Vin tried the doorknob and slowly pushed open the front door. He peaked around the opening, his long hair falling softly around his face. He shook it back.
"Hey, anyone home?" he called, his voice neutral. Vin heard Chris before he saw him. Heard his soft snoring coming from the recliner in front of the TV. The only light in the room came from the glow of the set. Vin saw the empty bottle of scotch on the coffee table, the empty tumbler resting on Chris's chest.
"Great. Just great. Here I am ready to spill my guts and you're passed out drunk. Way to go, Chris," Vin said, exasperation creeping into his voice. He took the glass from Chris and placed it near the liquor bottle. "And it looks like I'll have to do this stone cold sober."
Vin knelt at Chris's side. He smoothed some sweaty strands of hair off his forehead and lightly tapped Chris's cheek. "Hey, cowboy, wake up. C'mon now. We gotta talk," Vin said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Chris blinked awake and startled when he saw Vin at his side, smiling shyly at him.
"Wha, what are you doing here?" Chris's voice was only slightly slurred. He tried to fix Vin with a paralyzing glare but his eyes crossed with the effort. He shook his head and re-focused. "Vin," Chris said simply. Chris's stormy green eyes softened and he gave Vin a crooked smile. "Hey, pard, I'm drunk. Stuck in the chair, too, I think," Chris murmered.
Vin reached down and hauled Chris up from the recliner. He stood facing a weaving Chris Larabee. "Chris, we gotta talk. Please. This ain't easy for either of us. You listenin' or are you too shitfaced for this?", Vin said evenly, his blue eyes widening in question.
"Coffee," was the older man's reply, and he headed for the kitchen, Vin in his wake.
Vin busied himself making an industrial strength pot of ink, rehearsing in his mind how to play the scene out. He snuck glances at Chris out of the corner of his eye. Saw that Chris was sitting at the kitchen table, staring out into space, blond hair mussed and falling over his forehead. His eyes were bloodshot. His shirt stained down the front. Barefoot. He was the best thing Vin had ever seen in his life. He poured the coffee and brought two mugs over to the wooden table. He clinked mugs with Chris, "Cheers." He had to say something before he forgot how to speak. He ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back off his forehead. He swallowed nervously. 'Say something, damnit.'
"Vin," Chris began.
"Chris," Vin spoke at the same exact moment. They stopped and smiled at one another. Ice broken. Breathing back to normal.
"Vin, this isn't easy for me," Chris began, his voice low. 'You're tellin' me,' Vin thought bemusedly. "I'm not used to sharing. What I mean is, I don't have any right to tell you who you can see. We never talked, you were right about that. I may have gotten a little carried away at the court today, maybe overreacted," Chris mumbled. Vin smothered a snort. "I presumed we were, I mean, us together, I thought, I assumed..., aw hell, say something, Tanner, I'm floundering here." Chris looked up from his steaming mug and met Vin's eyes. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "You getting a kick out of watching me squirm, is that it?" Chris asked, eyebrows raised.
"Nah, you're just doin' such a good job at it, hate to interrupt, pard," Vin grinned. "Chris, I had time to think today, tonight. And...ya know, this is good, us talkin', like a fuckin' coffee commercial or somethin', maybe we should do this more often. Clear the air. Communicate. Set things straight..."
"Yeah, I get the idea, Vin. Talk. Us. Hell, this is like pullin' teeth. The two of us aren't the most talkative types to begin with." Chris pinched the bridge of his nose then put his hands flat on the table. "Bottom line it for me, Vin. I have to know. You and Rory?" Chris's voice was emotionless. The question hung in the air between them.
"I told Rory...Rory knows how I feel about you. He knows I'm not available anymore. At all. To anyone. Except you." Vin glanced up and took in Chris's surprised look. "Chris, ya gotta understand, it's a game to me, it don't mean nothin' the guys I fuck. Hell, it's recreational sex. You like tennis, I like sex. But I can give it up, I swear." Vin's voice held a tinge of desperation. "I told Rory," 'shit, this is harder than I thought.' Vin took a deep breath and plowed on, "told him you're the best thing that ever happened to me and I'll do anything to make it right between us." 'Three more words, just say them, Tanner. Tell him.' Vin stared into his coffee. "I love you." Vin licked his lips and raised his eyes to meet Chris's. "Hell, I never said that out loud to anyone before. This relationship stuff, I gotta tell you, Chris, takes a lot outta ya. Man, I could use a drink." Vin's whole face lit up. He felt like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Chris sat silently, a sad smile on his lips. Time stood still.
"So, you gonna say somethin'? I'm startin' to feel like a dick." 'Or a twat,' Vin said under his breath. He was beginning to feel slightly sick to his stomach in the face of Chris's silence. He felt his throat start to close up and gulped down the now cold coffee. Vin finally stood up, pushing his chair back with more force than necessary. He grabbed Chris's empty mug and his own and walked over to the sink to rinse them. His back was to Chris.
"How long, Vin?" Chris asked softly.
"How long what?" Vin asked over his shoulder, his voice hollow and slightly annoyed.
"How long are you going to be "available" just to me? A month, two, a whole year? Vin, I need to know you are committed to "us" for the long run. Permanent. Exclusive. I can't handle thinking about what you might be doing or with whom you might be doing it on the nights you aren't here. I don't share. I need to trust you, pard. How can I do that? Tell me. On your say so? Your word?" Chris was standing next to Vin at the sink searching his face for an answer.
Vin wouldn't meet Chris's eyes. He gripped the edge of the sink so hard his knuckles were white.
"Why are you doing this, Chris? I told you how I feel. You know how hard that was?" Vin cried out.
"You know how hard it was thinking, hell, knowing you were screwing around with other guys, Vin? You have any idea what that did to me?" Chris countered, his voice ragged.
Chris put his hand on Vin's shoulder but Vin shrugged it off. "What do you want me to say, Chris? I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I didn't know how I felt about us until I almost lost you today. Then it hit home. I didn't know how you felt either. I mean you don't give a guy a lot of clues, you know. I ain't a mindreader. I'm giving you my word I ain't goin' with anyone else. 'Kay? Promise. You're it, Larabee. You're....." Vin was breathing deeply, his voice raspy. Tears stung his eyes.
Chris watched as Vin struggled to regain his composure. He watched Vin's strong jaw muscles working, reached a hand up to stroke the hollows of his cheeks and traced with his fingertips the firm, voluptuous curve of his lips. He turned Vin's face towards his and leaned in to kiss him deeply. There was a wild glitter in Vin's eyes and his face was rigid with near anguish. He was trembling.
"Hey, you all right?" Chris gripped Vin's arms and pulled him around to look straight into his eyes.
Vin shook his head, his soft brown hair curling over his forehead. "I thought for a minute you didn't believe me. That you wouldn't give me a shot. I don't know what I'd do without you, Chris, I mean it." Vin smiled sheepishly.
"And you're not going to get a chance to find out either, Vin." He squeezed the back of Vin's neck. Vin rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his hand. "We're sounding a little too chick-flicky for my taste, ayway. C'mon, talk over, time for action." Chris smiled wolfishly.
"Bedroom,?" Vin asked, cocking his head in that general direction.
"Uh-uh. Right here's fine. I don't believe we've christened the kitchen table yet."
The two men stripped in seconds.
"This is gonna be a quickie, Chris. I'm already hard as a rock."
"Just get your perfect ass up on the table, Vin. Sit right on the edge. Put your legs up over my shoulders. Yeah, easy access," Chris grinned. Vin lay back on the table, his arms outstretched above his head. A beaded strand of pre-cum gleamed in his downy crotch-hair and Chris licked it off. Chris continued his kisses and nips and licks grazing over Vin's tightly muscled stomach and chest. Vin groaned in delight.
Chris kissed his neck and nibbled his ear as his hands caressed Vin's hardened nibs ; he sucked and nipped some more on Vin's slender neck as his hands teased Vin's tight nipples. Vin squirmed on the table, trying to get comfortable, and reached up to kiss Chris.
Chris claimed Vin's mouth in a deep, plundering kiss and the thought skittered across his brain that Rory had been in Vin's mouth, too. And up his ass. And sucking his cock. Chris's gut clenched at the thought and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to erase the image of Rory and Vin writhing in ecstasy. "Shit!" Chris stood up suddenly, his breathing harsh.
"Chris, what's the matter? You look like you seen a ghost." Vin propped himself up on his elbows, his legs still leaning up on Chris's shoulders. "Hey, Larabee, gonna leave me like this?" Vin asked half smiling.
"Nothing's wrong, just realized the lotion is in the bedroom." Chris was stalling for time, forcing his mind to concentrate on the moment. On Vin. "His" Vin now. He looked over at the kitchen sink and stretched back to reach for the bottle of dishwashing liquid. "This'll do." He poured some on his hands and lubricated his cock, stroking himself several times.
"Hell, if nothing else you'll have a shiny, grease-free cock, cowboy," Vin drawled.
"And you'll have a squeaky-clean, lemony-smelling ass, Tanner," Chris laughed, the dark images fading away. "Now, where was I?"
"You were about to fuck my brains out. Wouldya' hurry up, my back is killin' me on this fuckin' table. Figures this was your idea and I'm the one gonna be sore as hell with splinters up my ass," Vin laughed. "Next time we christen something softer, 'kay?"
"It's a big ranch, Vin. Bound to be some soft spots in it somewhere." Chris grasped Vin's cock and massaged it along with his own, stroking them both with the same rhythm.
"Now would be good, Chris, I need you inside me," Vin uttered a half ecstatic, half agonized cry as Chris pressed into Vin's ass.
This was where they'd been riding to all day. Vin was writhing on the kitchen table. Chris pumping harder and harder as they found their cadence. Chris was panting. His one hand still pumping Vin's cock, his other hand gripping Vin's hip, Chris drove into Vin over and over.
"Hard, harder," Vin's voice was throaty mixture of growling joy. Chris shuddered several times as his cock released in Vin's tight ass. Vin screamed out Chris's name as he came. Chris hadn't yelled anything. He slowly pulled out of Vin and gently placed Vin's legs so they were dangling over the edge of the table. He leaned over him stroking his arms, soothing the younger man. "That was intense! Fast, but holy shit, Chris, I just about burst a blood vessel or somethin.' Enough with this table, though, Chris, never again," Vin grimaced. "And look at that. There's soap bubbles all over your cock!" Vin laughed.
"You think that's funny, you should see your asshole, Vin." Chris looked down and chuckled, "I can't wait to see you fart bubbles, pard, think I'll charge admission."
Vin shook with laughter watching some bubbles trail up to the ceiling. "Aw, man, Chris, get me off this table. I think I'm paralyzed."
Chris folded his arms around Vin's waist, drawing him up in a tight embrace. Chris tangled his face into Vin's hair and he whispered in Vin's ear. "Vin, what you said earlier, I love you, too."
And he did.
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