ATF Universe
Disclaimer: Anything remotely looking familiar probably belongs to CBS and other powerful people. I'm just borrowing them for some cathartic exercise. No harm or disrespect was intended.
Chris Larabee pulled his Ram into the driveway of the ranch and turned off the ignition. Removing his seatbelt, he gripped the steering wheel and bent forward until his head was resting on the steering wheel.God, he was tired.
He and Buck had just spent twenty-four hours straight helping out another team. A freak summer flu bug had a lot of the agents under the weather, and it had hit Team Four especially hard. Jeff Hansen was the leader of that particular squad and an old friend of his and Wilmington's from back in the days of homicide. So, when the man had requested their assistance neither had been willing to decline. Even if they had just come off a tough case of their own. A case in which they themselves had been short two men. Ezra and JD both had bad cases of the stomach virus.
It was for this reason that Chris was even later than he had planned on. Jeff had wanted to reminisce, or so Larabee thought, after the operation went down and had asked him and Wilmington out for drinks to a seedy little bar on the other side of town. Usually the leader of Team Seven would have begged off and left Buck to pick up his side of the conversation and share of drinks. But with the kid sick, the party-loving, ever-energetic Wilmington only had one destination on his mind - Four Corners Mercy.
Chris couldn't fault his friend. He understood the big brother mode Buck would go into whenever JD even hinted at needing him, and with a bad case of dehydration putting the youngest of their team in the hospital, this was one of those times when Larabee was willing to indulge his oldest friend in his worry.
Still, three beers and one sobbing drunk later, Chris was wondering if he should have sent Buck with Jeff and went to sit with the kid himself.
Jeff hadn't wanted to talk about old times after all. He had wanted to talk about Anna, his wife, or correction, soon to be ex-wife.
Chris lifted his head and raked a hand through his dark-blond hair. Shit. He could hardly believe the two were headed for divorce.
They had been together since before him and Sarah. They had gotten married the same year as Larabee and his wife. In fact, at one time, the four of them had been quite close. Sarah had once joked that if Chris and Jeff survived the force, that the four of them should celebrate their twenty-fifth anniversaries together in Hawaii.
Funny, he and Jeff had survived the force....But Sarah and the Hansen's marriage had not.
Jeff said that his wife had told him that she couldn't be the person he had married anymore. That she didn't know how, or what that was like. That she believed his work had killed their love. She was sick and tired of police work, and was tired of being sick with worry over him. She wanted more than he could give her.
Chris rubbed at his sleep-deprived eyes and peered at the house in front of him. The porch light was on, and the lamp in the study gave off a soft shadow through the drapes hanging over the bay window.
He didn't know the whole story with Jeff and Anna, nor did he care to, but he d seen what effect Anna's leaving had on Jeff. The man was a wreck, and it hadn't been easy for Chris to witness his pain.
Chris Larabee was a man who d walk extra five miles over hot glass to avoid running across a raw emotion. Hell, he d buried his feelings so deep in a bottle and underneath work for so long, that it had taken him four years after Sarah's death to realize that he actually still had a heart. Even then, he d been wary about acting on any intentions of the useless organ.
Allying with the six men he now called family had helped him change that for the most part. Meeting Vin Tanner had helped most of all. But even now, he still had a hard time dealing with feelings, especially ones that hit so close to home.
Not only was Jeff a friend, and a part of his past, but also the man was so much like him, that it was scary. Seeing Jeff lose the person he loved most in the world sparked a flame deep inside the ATF agent. It sent a warning searing through Chris chest and burned a path straight to his heart, like a shot of Inez's cheap whiskey.
The ATF agent couldn't help but to think about what he had lost with Sarah, what he d come close to losing several times, when one of his new family had been injured in one fashion or another.
Chris honestly didn't believe that he could go through what Jeff was enduring. He wouldn t. Not again. Not ever. He d die first. And since dying wasn't an option he wanted to entertain at the moment, even though his forty-years was feeling a lot more like eighty after the last couple of days he d had, he decided he needed to invest in his own salvation.
His body protested slightly when he slid out of the truck and made his way to the door of his home...Of their home. But once inside, a slight adrenaline rush soon masked any pain that he had gained during his jaunt with Team Four, and he couldn't help the small smile that crept on his face as he quietly closed the door behind him.
Lying on the couch in the study sound asleep, in nothing but a pair of boxers and socks was the reason Chris gave a damn about Jeff Hansen's marriage.
Vin stirred slightly as Larabee made his way around the over-sized sofa and sat on the coffee table facing him. The younger man had turned his head towards his partner and a few long strands of his dark hair hung across his chiseled jaw line. The light from the desk across from them picked up the soft golden highlights that the summer sun had doused the sharpshooter's mane with, and Chris couldn't resist the urge to reach out and gently push them away from his best friend's face. Instead of waking, the younger man snuggled deeper into the cushions and Larabee again grinned to himself.
A year ago, Vin would have been off the couch and in combat stance if Chris had touched him in his sleep. Larabee hadn't been the only one with issues when their relationship had first begun. But now, the trust that they had built allowed them an intimacy that neither had thought possible.
Unable to restrict his touching to just Vin's soft hair, Chris gently traced a path down his lover's neck and over muscled shoulders that had been turned a dark brown from afternoons working the horses and weekends at the lake. He slowly made the decent to his partner's chest now and he let his hand linger there, feeling the strong beat beneath his fingers.
He bowed his head slightly and closed his eyes, seeking comfort in connecting with the heartbeat pulsing through his palm, matching the rhythmic pounding of his own. After a moment, he swallowed hard fighting fatigue and lingering effects of alcohol and looked up to find Vin watching him.
With eye's made even bluer than usual by his tan, the sharpshooter was staring at Chris with a slightly puzzled expression. "Hey, cowboy. Is something wrong?"
Chris didn't answer at first. He just lowered himself off the table onto the floor beside the sofa, so that his face was only inches from Vin s. He lifted his hand from his partner's chest, bringing it back to bury softly in the younger man's hair. "Just tired." The words finally came, but sounded hollow even to the ATF leader.
Vin must have thought so too, because he quickly pushed himself up on one elbow and his gaze darkened with concern. "Did something happen with the bust? Is Bucklin all right?"
Larabee licked his dry lips. "Buck's fine. We nailed Spaulding."
Tanner's brows furrowed. "You sure? You look like death warmed over."
Chris laughed and let his fingers slide from his sharpshooter's hair. "And here I was just thinking how incredible you looked."
Vin caught his hand, not willing to brush off the vibes he was picking up from his partner. "What's going on Chris? You're scaring me."
The younger man wasn't sure what emotion he caught a glimpse of in the glistening green eyes staring into his, but he knew it was one he hadn't been treated to before. He watched quietly as his best friend struggled with whatever was eating at him, his mind whispering his worst fears to him. Was this it? Was Larabee finally going to realize that he was too good for him and toss him out on his ass? After all, things had been too perfect, for too long. Thirteen months, twenty-one days and seventeen hours was definitely a record in the Vin Tanner book of happy endings.
"I just wanted to ask you something," Chris finally spoke.
Vin let go of his lover's hand and braced himself. "Anything, cowboy."
Larabee looked down at the floor and slowly brought his gaze back up to lock with Vin s. "Do you know what you are to me?"
Vin blinked. "What do you mean?"
Chris seemed to hesitate for a moment and then used both hands to pull Vin's face closer to his. He kissed the younger man softly on the lips, and only pulled mere inches away as he answered in a rough, raw voice. "I mean do you know what happens to me when I hear your name?..My heart speeds up.....And sometimes it's hard to catch my breath."
Larabee paused a minute, trying to decide if what he was saying was sounding more clear to Vin than it had in his head. "Do you know that I think of you every time I see a sunset or a sunrise, or when I watch one of our yearlings running around the corral, like it could go for miles and miles without letting up? Every time something good happens to me, Tanner, I wonder where in the hell you are? Nothing seems right, unless you're around."
Chris took a quick breath and licked his lips again. "Do you know what it's like for me to wake up beside you every morning, and fall asleep with you in my arms every night?"
Larabee brushed his lips against those of the speechless man again, his voice growing thick with emotion. "Or that I admire the hell out of the way you take time for the kids in Purgatorio, and how you find the patience to handle Buck and JD on even their worse days."
Chris pulled back some, but kept his hands on Vin's face. "Do you know that I think you're the best damn cop I ve ever seen? And the kindest, most caring person I ve ever known? Do you know how it kills a little piece of me every time you get hurt or when I get hurt and have to see the pain and fear in your eyes?" Larabee's voice cracked and for a moment he thought he was going to lose the small hold he had on his composure. "Do you know that you're the best friend I have ever had and that my life wouldn't mean shit if I lost you?"
Vin started to say something but Larabee quickly covered his mouth with his own, unwilling to let his partner break his monologue just yet. He could get lost in kissing Vin, and after such an uncharacteristic display, that notion didn't seem like a very bad idea. But after several breathless moments, Chris finally relinquished his hold and leaned back on his heels.
Sparkling green eyes met crystal blue ones. "Do you know how much I love you, Vin? Do you really know?"
It was Vin's turn to reach out and touch his partner this time. He ran a hand over the small growth of beard on Chris's tired features and then a slow lop-sided grin lit his face. "Hell, cowboy, I knew before you did."
Chris ducked his head and laughed. "I just spilled my guts, in a fashion that would have put Buck Wilmington's silver tongue to shame," Larabee lifted his eyes to meet Vin's once more, "and you're telling me that you already knew."
Vin pushed himself up all the way on the couch, his expression turning serious. "I knew you loved me, Chris. We ain't never needed words to tell each other shit."
"So, I made a fool out of myself for nothing?"
The sharpshooter shook his head sharply. "Hell no. What you said...the things you said..," Vin struggled for the right words, "they were incredible. You are incredible."
Chris finally stood, moaning slightly as he eased his lean frame onto the sofa. "Well right now, I feel anything but."
Tanner turned to face him, concern filling his blue eyes. "Are you sure nothing happened on the Spaulding operation, or earlier this week? You're not sick are you?"
Chris laughed again at first, but after seeing the genuine worry and hint of fear in his partner's eyes he stopped. "I knew you d think I was either drunk or crazy if I rattled all those things off, but I didn't mean to scare you."
Larabee knew it wasn't easy for the younger man to trust in what they had, to trust in their love. Vin had never had things easy, nor had he had a home that lasted more than a few months at a time. Losing what they had, losing one of the team, losing Chris, those were probably the only things the man was afraid of.
But it was a big fear.
Larabee leaned back into the couch and draped an arm around his lover. "I'm fine, cowboy."
Vin's gaze scrutinized his partner's face for a long moment, gauging if there was something in the dark green depths that his best friend wasn't revealing. He lifted his hand to Chris's face and traced his finger across the other man's lips.
Chris caught his hand and squeezed it. "What?"
Tanner tilted his head slightly, his eyes glistening. "I was just wondering."
Larabee brought his hand back to his lips and kissed it. "Wondering what?"
It was Vin's turn to look away.
Chris released the younger man's hand and reached out to turn his partner's face back to him. "What, Vin? What were you thinking? That ESP of ours is taking a thrashing tonight."
Tanner didn't answer and it was only when Vin finally looked at Chris that the other man saw the single tear that had slipped past the usual hardened defenses. "I was wondering if you know how lucky I feel to be in your life? Or what it's like for me to hear you say all those things?"
"I never meant to upset you, pard. I.."
Vin reached up and kissed Chris before he could finish. "You didn't," he whispered, pulling away. Blue eyes met Green ones once more. "I love you, Larabee. Even more after tonight, if that's possible."
Chris smiled, his own eyes stinging. "With us, cowboy. Anything's possible."
THE END
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