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"I love you," Chris whispered, as he brushed his lips against Vin's hair and tightened his arms around the younger man. They'd just finished making love and Vin's body was stretched out on top of Chris's. The Texan responded by reaching one hand up to stroke Chris's cheek and pressing soft kisses onto Chris's neck, just under his jaw."Why won't you say it back to me?" Chris pleaded. He knew beyond a doubt that Vin loved him, but the young man steadfastly refused to acknowledge his feelings. Chris had said, "I love you" over and over and Vin would kiss him and caress him, but he wouldn't return the sentiment. Chris waited, hoping Vin would finally admit his feelings or at least explain why he wouldn't, but Tanner remained stoically silent.
"Dammit Vin!" Chris yelled in frustration and sat up in the bed, unceremoniously dumping his lover off to one side. He got up and stalked over to the dresser and found a clean pair of boxers and pulled them on. Vin sat up and watched him go forlornly.
Why the hell wouldn't Chris let it go? He loved Chris and Chris knew it. But, he couldn't tell him. He just couldn't. He tried in every way to show Chris how much he loved him. But, it wasn't enough. Chris wanted - no, needed - to hear it. Vin was afraid that if he couldn't bring himself to say those three little words and soon, he was going to lose the only person who'd ever loved him.
Fuck! he thought and got up and pulled his boxers out of the jeans crumpled on the floor and put them on and went to find Chris.
Chris was standing at the bar in the den, with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a short wide glass in the other. He poured a generous amount of the amber liquid into the glass and took a long drink, before he set the bottle down and then sat on the sofa.
""Chris, I'm sorry," Vin said quietly from the doorway.
"For what?" the older man demanded brusquely. "For not being able to love me the way I love you?"
"It ain't that," Vin's hesitant voice floated into the room.
"Than what the hell is it?" Chris pressed. "Just tell me."
Vin looked lost standing in the doorway and he looked up at Chris helplessly. "I can't," he whispered.
Chris heard the pain in his voice and walked over and put his arms around the Texan. Vin's slender body was rigid and Chris tried to get through to him. He stroked Vin's hair and kissed the top of his head lightly over and over. "I love you so much. No matter what it is, you can tell me," he whispered into the younger man's ear.
"I - I don't wanta lose you," Vin's soft drawl was rough and he clung to the blond almost desperately.
"You're not gonna lose me. Not ever," Larabee promised and held him a little closer.
"You can't promise that," Vin cried and pulled out of Chris's arms. He stood at the sliding glass door, staring out at the late afternoon quiet, breathing raggedly, trying to keep his emotions in check.
Chris came up behind him and put his hands on Vin's shoulders. He rested his cheek against the softness of Vin's hair and waited. Vin had finally let his feelings out and the blond knew that if he waited, Vin would tell him the rest.
"I was five when my ma died and for two and a half years after that, I lived with this family in Pecos. Took me a long time, to let 'em get close, but the Wilson's were awful good people and they were real kind to me and I couldn't help lovin' 'em. And then one day, Mr. Wilson lost his job and I heard 'em talkin' about sendin' me back. Next thing I knew, some lady was comin' ta get me and my stuff and I was movin'. Mrs. Wilson cried real hard when I was leavin' and she told me ta be a good boy and that she'd miss me. I cried too and begged 'er ta let me stay, but she just went back into the house and closed the door. I never had anybody treated me like they did again. Like I belonged. And I wasn't ever in any place after that more'n a couple o' months."
"Charlie was my best friend in the world. And he died. And I loved Charlotte and I thought she loved me, but she didn't. She was just usin' me ta make 'er husband jealous."
Chris had heard enough. He straightened up and gently turned Vin around, until the younger man was facing him with his eyes closed and his head tilted downward. Wrapping his arms around Vin's shoulders, Chris bent forward so that he could kiss his lover's soft lips gently. Vin's arms went around his waist and they exchanged tender kisses for several minutes.
Finally, Chris spoke. "I know you're scared as hell Vin. You're not the only one. You think letting you in is easy for me?"
Vin looked up sharply at that and the pain that Chris tried to keep buried was clear in the green eyes. "Sarah, Adam, they were my whole world. When I lost them I swore I'd never let anybody else get close, and for a long time I didn't. But, then you were there and I had a choice; let you go or be happy. It was hard as hell, but I love you and I'm damn glad I let myself be happy, even if it was just for a little while. Let yourself be happy. Please."
Chris waited with his stomach muscles clenched tightly. He could feel Vin start to tremble and he leaned in closer and stroked down the sharpshooter's back and sides with his hands, trying to calm him. And then he heard it. "I - I love you," whispered against his neck.
Chris leaned back and lifted Vin's chin. The blue eyes mirrored Vin's insecurity and apprehension. He was chalk white and shaking like a leaf, but he repeated those three little words, louder and less shaky this time. "I love you."
THE END