January 29, 2000
Disclaimer – No, I don’t own the boys. Trilogy, CBS and/or TNN do. I just play nice. Real nice.
Vin Tanner sat in the saloon, not really paying attention to the drink in front of him. Sure, he’d been idly turning the shot glass around between his nimble fingers, swirling the amber liquid around, but he hadn’t taken a sip yet. He wasn’t sure if he really needed it or not.Just over an hour ago Chris Larabee had approached him at his table, put a casual hand on the tracker’s shoulder, and whispered, "My room. Two hours," and walked away.
This was it. Wasn’t it? The night he and Chris were going to take that step, that leap, the one true action that would seal their fates. Vin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Held it. Let it out. He opened his eyes and looked around the saloon again. Saw the familiar faces. A few unfamiliar ones. Did they know? Did anybody know what he and Chris were about to do? Did everybody? Did he?
Yes, people, Chris and himself included, knew there was something between the pair. They knew there was that connection. That unseen force that let them speak without speaking. Know what one was about to do with only a glance. There was that brotherly love between the two. But did they know that there was something else? That other kind of love? He and Chris had only just figured it out.
"Shit," Vin muttered to himself and decided to drink the whiskey in front of him, quickly throwing back the shot.
He poured another and played with the glass again. Half an hour to go. Half an hour to go before he let Chris… Let Chris do what? Did Chris even know? The tracker felt the knots in his gut start to twist again.
He’d been with enough women to know what to do with them. But what did you do with a man? Well, yeah, he had an idea. Heard the whispered talk of such things. But he couldn’t imagine that it felt good. Maybe they’d just kiss. Yeah, Vin smiled. That he could handle. They’d already done that once or twice when no one was around. But he knew Chris wanted more. He threw back the shot, grimacing again as his stomach protested. He wanted more, too.
Time’s up. He took another deep breath before rising from his seat. This was it. Or, he could just get on his horse and ride out of town. No. Vin Tanner was not a coward. He would face his fears. With the only man he’d ever allowed to see them. Chris would understand. He’d know that Vin had never done this before. He must know already. Right?
+ + + + + + +
He knocked lightly on the door, not wanting anyone else to hear. To suspect. He rubbed at his sore stomach, its knots still twisting with his nervousness. Thought about walking away. But then the door opened and Chris was there.
The tall blonde nodded his head and stepped to one side, inviting the tracker in. After a brief hesitation on his part, Vin looked up and saw the gentle green eyes before him. He walked past the gunslinger and waited as Chris closed and locked the door.
"I’m glad you came," Chris said.
"Almost didn’t," Vin replied, suddenly looking at the floor.
"I know," the blonde whispered, gently lifting Vin’s chin up and removing the hat from his head. "We don’t have to do anything, Vin," Chris said, leveling his gaze on the tracker.
"I know," Vin began. "But it’s now or never," he finished, reaching up to grasp the back of Chris’s neck and bring their lips together.
Chris felt the younger man’s tongue playing with his lower lip, trying to gain entry. He allowed it to happen and sucked the probing muscle in at the same time he grabbed Vin’s ass and pulled the tracker to him.
Vin moaned into Chris’s mouth as their groins met, rubbed up against each other, grew hard. He lowered his hands from Chris’s neck, ran them lightly down the gunslinger’s back, grabbed the older man’s ass and pulled.
Chris broke the kiss, gasping for breath and searched the tracker’s blue eyes. He pushed the hide jacket off Vin’s shoulders, slowly letting the garment drop to the floor. The shirt came off next, landing on top of the jacket. Then he knelt on the floor and reached for Vin’s gun belt. Adept fingers had the buckle and leg strap off in no time and laid the weapon on the floor.
He looked up and saw the tracker’s tongue dart out, lick the dry lips. He licked his own as he reached for the buttons of Vin’s pants. One last glance at the nervous man in front of him and he got the permission he sought.
"I gotta sit down," Vin whispered. "My gut’s still turnin’ all around and my knees feel like they’re gonna give."
Chris nodded with a smile and guided Vin back to the bed, easing his young friend’s boots and pants off after he settled onto it.
Getting his first good look at Vin’s erection, Chris felt the first pangs of his own nervousness. But he would do this. He wanted to do this. For himself. For Vin.
Again, he looked at the blue eyes for permission and, getting a slight nod from Vin, put gentle hands on the flesh before him. A surprised hiss escaped the tracker’s lips at the touch, despite having watched Chris’s actions. God, those hands felt good. And now they were stroking his length, wrapping their long fingers around him, squeezing him.
"Oh, shit, Chris," Vin gasped, collapsing back onto his elbows, unable to hold himself upright any longer.
"Feeling good?" Chris asked, raising an amused eyebrow.
"Ya have ta ask?!" the tracker replied.
"No, just wanted you to say the words," the blonde answered.
"I’m feelin’ good," Vin said with a smile as he sat up again. "Now, how about you?" he asked, reaching for the buttons on Chris’s shirt.
This was getting easier. This wasn’t so bad at all. Chris was taking it slow. Chris was making him feel good. Now, if he could just do the same for the gunslinger…
He tried to control the shaking in his hands. Hoped Chris wouldn’t notice. Shit. It was taking forever to get that damned top button undone. Finally. One down, five more to go.
"Here, let me," Chris offered, putting his hands over Vin’s, wanting to ease the tracker’s renewed nervousness. "You’re doing just fine, Vin," he added, pausing to give the younger man a kiss as he continued opening up his shirt.
"I feel like a little kid, Chris," Vin confessed. "Despite feelin’ so good, despite likin’ what we’re doin’… I just can’t shake this nervousness. Like I said, I feel all gut-tied and weak-kneed. Hell, I’m sweatin’ here and I ain’t done nothin’ yet," he added with a small chuckle.
"I wouldn’t say that, Vin," the older man replied. "Just take a look at what you’ve done."
Vin laughed at the remark as Chris began unbuttoning his pants, letting his swollen shaft out from behind the black denim.
"Go on, touch it," the gunslinger urged, taking one of Vin’s hands in his, bringing it toward his penis. "Just touch me like you think you’d like to be touched," he added, sensing Vin’s hesitance.
The sharpshooter reached out and touched Chris, putting his fingertips to the tip of the other man’s cock. He gently eased them down the sides of the shaft, slowly wrapped his fingers around it, much the same way Chris had touched him. He was rewarded with a groan from the other man.
"Yeah, Vin, that’s it," Chris sighed, pushing his hips forward, thrusting himself through Vin’s fist.
He reached for Vin again, taking the younger man’s erection back into his hands and mirrored Vin’s movements. Sensing the tracker’s growing ease at the situation, he kissed him again and gently pushed him back onto the bed. He climbed onto the mattress, followed the tracker down to lie side by side, hands still on each other’s erections.
"Chris!" Vin gasped. "I think… I think I’m gonna…."
He didn’t finish his sentence, not with words. He cried out almost silently as his orgasm surged, sending the warm seed onto his belly. He vaguely felt Chris’s kisses on his face and neck, his moist tongue dipping soothingly into the hollow above his collarbone.
When he realized that he’d stopped stroking Chris, he quickly started again, only to be stopped by the older man.
"No, just relax," Chris whispered, kissing the tracker’s lips again. "Let me do everything, now."
Vin, still catching his breath, nodded into the kiss. Then he felt Chris’s fingers leave his softened shaft and move further back, to his anus.
He hadn’t meant to flinch, to tense up. He knew that Chris was going to touch him – there. But…
"Easy, Vin," the older man soothed. "I ain’t gonna hurt you," he continued.
"I know," Vin whispered. "It’s just…"
"We’ve never done this before," Chris finished.
"You’ve never?" the tracker asked, surprised at Chris’s words, his ease at the situation.
The gunslinger shook his head and said, "I’m just a man who knows what he wants. And right now, I want you, Vin."
Vin nodded his head and licked his lips. If Chris could do this, so could he. He reached for the gunslinger’s hand and brought it back to his groin, nudged it back toward his entrance. He wished his hands would stop shaking. He wished the damn stomach cramps would go away, too.
"That’s it," Chris whispered before giving his lover another round of encouraging kisses.
The older man moved his hand to Vin’s stomach, rubbed it in the tracker’s spent seed and returned his hand to Vin’s anus, rubbing the juices onto the tender skin and puckered hole. He watched Vin carefully as he did so, dipping a fingertip in when he felt the tracker was ready.
"Roll over," he gently commanded and smiled when Vin obeyed.
Chris moved his finger in and out of Vin, trying to lubricate the opening and give the tracker the confidence he needed to allow him to continue.
"That feel alright?" he asked the tracker.
"So far," Vin conceded, looking back at Chris.
And it was. So far. But he knew it was just the gunslinger’s slim finger in him, now. What was it going to feel like with the man’s cock in side? It was a hell of a lot bigger than one slim finger.
"You still okay with this?" Chris asked, rubbing his other hand up and down Vin’s back.
"Yeah," Vin whispered, bringing his knees up underneath him. "But you better hurry, before I change my mind," he added with a smile as he looked back at Chris again.
"Okay," the older man smiled back.
Chris took his hand, still slick with Vin’s seed and rubbed his cock to full hardness again, squeezing the head, adding some of his own juice to help ease the way. He put the tip at Vin’s entrance and began to push. He felt Vin tense and again whispered to the younger man, telling him to relax, that it would be okay. He kept up the pressure until the entryway finally gave and the tip of his cock was inside.
Vin cried out at the breach, feeling the sudden burning pain. But he forced himself to relax. To accept Chris’s entrance into his body. He pushed aside the pain, telling himself that this was for Chris. That it was his turn to feel good. And so he pushed back, bringing more of the gunslinger’s length into him.
"Oh, God, Vin," Chris gasped. "You’re so tight…so hot…" he managed to get out, squeezing his eyes shut as the pleasure and pain engulfed him. "I gotta move… please…"
Vin nodded his head and pushed back once again onto Chris’s shaft, impaling himself on the entire length. He bit his lip as he stifled a cry, as the pressure set his nerve endings on fire. Then Chris began to pull out and a whole new set of sensations hit him. He couldn’t help letting out a pleasure-filled moan, then. Neither could Chris.
The gunslinger never felt anything like this before and he couldn’t help himself as he began thrusting in and out of the lean tracker. Vin’s guttural cries and erotic moans were driving him toward the edge. He reached around and felt Vin’s penis and was pleasantly surprised to find it hard again. He began stroking it in time with his thrusts.
Vin was torn in two. Part of him was in absolute ecstasy, feeling Chris stroking him again, feeling him inside and knowing that the gunslinger was feeling good. The other part was still feeling that first burning pain, that uncomfortable fullness. Those gut-twisting knots still in his stomach. Maybe he’d get used to it. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much the next time. The next time? His thoughts fled as Chris pounded into him again and a scream escaped his lips.
"Almost there, Vin…. Yes… ah…VIN!!" the older man cried out as he released deep inside the tracker.
He reached his arms around the younger man and pulled him down to lay spooned together on the bed. Both were gasping for air as they lay spent. When Vin felt Chris slip out of him, he turned around to face the gunslinger.
"Was it…?" he got out.
"It was," Chris replied with a deep kiss, knowing Vin’s need to be assured. "What about you? Was it…?" he asked this time.
"Yeah… I guess," Vin replied, still unsure. Seeing the older man’s worried expression, he continued, "Probably be better next time. Kinda hurt a little at first."
"You should have told me," the gunslinger responded, hitching up to rest on one elbow. "We could have stopped."
"No," the tracker replied. "It got better. And, I’m thinkin’ that it’ll be better next time because we kept goin’."
"You sure?" Chris asked, staring into the blue eyes for an answer. "Yeah, you are," he added, finding his answer.
"Now move over and give a man some covers," Vin said quickly, changing the subject. "Gettin’ cold in here with no clothes on."
Chris moved over and grabbed the blanket to pull over the two of them.
"Just make sure I’m up before dawn," Vin told him before snuggling down into the pillow.
"I know," Chris replied, though with some regret.
He put his arm around his new lover and pulled him close.
+ + + + + + +
Vin woke well before dawn, without Chris’s help. As much as he wanted to stay where he was, in the warm bed and arms of Chris Larabee, it couldn’t be. It would raise too much suspicion to be found in the older man’s room. Especially during warm weather. Most folks knew he preferred to sleep outdoors, only using his wagon or an occasional room at the boarding house or hotel when the weather was unreasonably cold or nasty. Yeah, he was sure he and Chris would be able to come up with some believable excuse for his staying the night. But it was easier not to have to worry about coming up with a lie. A lie to cover the lie.
So with proper determination, he slipped out of from under the covers. Unfortunately, it wasn’t without waking Chris, as sharp pains caused him to cry out loud. The older man was instantly awake upon hearing Vin’s painful gasp. He sat up and put his arm around Vin’s shoulders.
"Vin? What’s wrong?" he asked worriedly.
"I don’t know, Chris," the tracker replied. "It hurts…hurts real bad…"
"Where? Where does it hurt?" Chris asked.
"Everywhere… my belly… my ass…," he managed to get out. "I think… maybe…it was too much…"
"What was too much?" the gunslinger asked, getting more confused and worried by the minute.
"Us…last night… Look…blood…" Vin gasped between painful whimpers, pointing to the mattress.
Chris drew in a breath, seeing the bloodstain on the sheet where Vin had lain all night.
"I’m gonna go get Nathan," he said, reaching quickly for his pants. "You just stay right here," he added.
"NO!" Vin shouted as he doubled over onto his side.
"Vin, something’s wrong with you. You need Nathan’s help," Chris responded, kneeling next to the bed, putting his hand to Vin’s cheek.
Vin grabbed Chris’s hand and held it tight. Then he stared into Chris’s green eyes.
"He’ll…find out…about us," the tracker moaned. "Just… get me something…for the…pain…Please," he added, gaze still locked with Chris’s.
Chris was about to give in when Vin cried out. The tracker squeezed his eyes shut and curled up into a tight ball, rocking back and forth on the mattress.
"I don’t care anymore," the gunslinger said to himself.
Chris quickly got dressed and somehow managed to get Vin’s clothes on him as well, despite his protests. He pulled one of the tracker’s arms across his shoulders and put his arm around Vin’s waist before heading to the door. Vin cried out at the movement, tried to double over, but Chris held him steady. The two made their way slowly through the boarding house, trying not to wake anyone up. After almost tripping on the stairs, Chris just picked the lean tracker up and carried him in his arms. He no longer cared who did or didn’t see them. He no longer cared about what anyone thought about them. He only cared about the man in his arms.
+ + + + + + +
Nathan Jackson was woken from a sound sleep. Someone was pounding on his door.
"Nathan!" Chris shouted as he pounded on the door.
"I’m coming!" the healer finally called back, slipping on his pants as he hurried to the door.
Once he recognized the gunslinger’s voice, he became fully awake, knowing it had to be an emergency if Chris was there. He opened the door to find the tired and worried looking man holding up Vin Tanner. It was terribly obvious that Vin was in pain.
"What happened?" Nathan asked quickly, ushering the two men into his clinic, looking for signs of injury on the tracker.
Chris helped Vin onto the clinic’s bed and took off his boots.
"What happened?" the healer asked again.
Chris looked at Vin’s blue eyes. The blue eyes that pleaded with him to keep their secret. The blue eyes that held nothing but pain and fear.
"I don’t know," he whispered.
"Vin? Were you in a fight or somethin’?" Nathan asked, nudging his way past Chris to get to the tracker’s side. "Did your horse throw ya? Tell me what happened," he continued, trying to pry Vin’s arms away from his abdomen.
"Don’t…know," Vin got out, making eye contact with Chris.
"Chris, help me out," Nathan called.
Chris grabbed Vin’s left arm and held it as he pulled it away from the tracker’s body.
"He wasn’t in no fight or nothing," Chris told Nathan. "Pain just came over him a little while ago."
"I don’t see no bruisin’," the healer remarked, opening up Vin’s shirt. "Let me know where it hurts most, Vin," he said before putting a gentle hand to his patient’s skin.
Chris watched as Nathan moved his hand around, touching and prodding Vin with his fingertips, eliciting painful moans from the tracker. It was when Vin practically screamed and broke the grips they’d had on his arms that the healer finally stopped.
"Shit," Nathan cursed.
"What? What’s wrong with him?" Chris asked, his worry increased now that Nathan was worried, too.
"I think it’s appendicitis," the healer replied. "It’s gotta come out," he added.
"What’s that? How do you get it?" the gunslinger asked quickly.
Nathan noticed the tone of Chris’s voice. He knew the gunslinger was worried for Vin, but he knew there was something else, too. But what?
"It ain’t contagious, if that’s what you’re askin’," he responded. "Some folks just get it. Don’t know what causes it."
"So…how…do…ya…cure…it," Vin, tired of being left out of the conversation, asked.
"The appendix is part of your intestine. Near your stomach," Nathan began. "A doctor has to operate and take it out. If you leave it in there, it breaks and infection spreads..."
"And ya die," the tracker finished.
"You ever done that kind of operation, Nate?" Chris asked.
"No," he replied, shaking his head. "Only read about it. Vin needs a real doctor, but I don’t think he’s got the time."
"Then you…better…do it," Vin said with a painful moan, doubling up again.
Nathan looked at the young tracker on the bed and then at the older man next to the bed, saw their need and slowly nodded his head.
"We gotta get him stripped and washed and put clean sheets onto the bed," he said as he turned to his bookshelf. "You do that while I go over my books."
Chris nodded and put some water on the wood stove to heat up. Then he began to remove Vin’s clothes. When the tracker’s pants were off, he took a look at his lover’s bottom. Saw the dried blood on it and closed his eyes.
"Nate?" he called.
"Chris…no," Vin quietly begged, knowing what the gunslinger was doing.
"It’s okay, Vin," he whispered, putting a hand on the tracker’s head.
"No…please…" the tracker moaned.
"What’s the matter, Chris?" Nathan asked.
Looking quickly back and forth between the healer, the dried blood and Vin’s pleading eyes, Chris hesitated.
"Chris?" Nathan called, walking toward the bed. "What is it?"
"Would being taken cause this ‘pendicitis’ thing?" the gunslinger asked quietly, looking down at the dried blood again.
The healer followed Chris’s gaze and saw the dried blood on and around Vin’s anus. He’d noticed the flaky, dried sperm on Vin’s abdomen earlier, but chose not to say anything, knowing that what a man did on his own was his own business. But now that Chris said Vin had been taken…
"If he was taken, maybe it ain’t appendicitis, but some internal injuries," he spoke aloud. "A man would have to hurt Vin first to do that."
"But what if -," Chris began.
"No, Chris! … Please!" Vin shouted, cutting off the gunslinger’s question.
Chris moved to the other side of the bed, so that he was facing Vin. He knelt in front of the tracker, put his hand to Vin’s cheek. Stared into the scared blue eyes.
"Vin," he whispered. "We can trust Nate. We gotta tell him. He has to know so he can help. Please, Vin."
Vin searched the depths of the green eyes before him. Another wave of pain came and he squeezed his eyes shut against it. He reached out and grabbed for Chris’s hand and nodded his head, ceding to the older man’s wishes.
"Nate," Chris spoke quietly, breaking his gaze on the tracker to look at the healer. "I didn’t have to hurt Vin first, to take him."
Nathan’s mouth opened involuntarily, shocked at the gunslinger’s admission. But another painful gasp from Vin brought him back to the matter at hand. He quickly examined the tracker’s bruised entrance and stood up.
"Appendicitis it is," he said simply. "Be extra gentle when you clean him up there," he instructed, heading back to his medical book. Stopping to look back at the two men, he added, "You didn’t do him no harm, Chris."
+ + + + + + +
A short while later, Nathan took a deep breath. Chris sat next to Vin. The tracker and the bed he was on had both been cleaned. He and Chris had both washed their hands. He had all the medical instruments and bandages he thought he’d need. He reached for the bottle of Chloroform.
"What’s that?" Chris asked.
"Chloroform," Nathan replied. "It’ll put Vin to sleep while I operate. Just got it last week."
"Stuff works? It’s safe?" the gunslinger asked, having never heard of the liquid.
"Yeah," the healer replied. "Saw Doc Mullen use it last time I was in Eagle Bend. He showed me how it works," he explained.
Chris nodded and watched as Nathan poured some of the liquid onto a cloth.
"Vin, this is gonna smell awful, but I need you to breathe it in, anyway," he told the tracker. "Chris, you may have to hold him. He’ll fight it."
Chris watched as Nathan put the moist cloth over Vin’s mouth and nose. He quickly grabbed onto the tracker as he fought against Nathan, tried to get out from under the Chloroform soaked cloth. Then he was scared as Vin suddenly stopped his movements. Nathan quickly put his ear to Vin’s chest and listened for the tracker’s pulse and breaths. Nodding his head in satisfaction, he turned to Chris.
"If he starts to wake up while I’m workin’, just put that cloth over his mouth and nose again," he instructed. "Make sure you don’t breathe none of it, though."
"Okay," Chris replied, still shaken at seeing the too still form on the bed.
He watched as Nathan quickly went to work, cutting open the skin on the tracker’s abdomen. He handed the healer various instruments, helped soak up some of the blood with the clean rags so Nathan could see what he was doing. And, most often, watched Vin for signs that he was still alive. Still painlessly asleep.
Once he had to put the Chloroform soaked cloth over Vin’s mouth and nose. Still the waking tracker. Once he had to leave Vin’s bedside. Hearing voices in the hallway, he got up and locked the door to the clinic, to make sure they wouldn’t be disturbed.
"There, that’s it," Nathan spoke.
He showed Chris the red and swollen appendix before dropping the infected part into a bowl. Chris just nodded absently, not really wanting to see it, just glad that Nathan had been right about the diagnosis. Before long he was handing Nathan some thread and the healer began to close up all the cuts he’d made in Vin’s body to find the sick part.
Vin was beginning to stir again as Nathan was putting the final stitches in place.
"One more time, Chris," he told the gunslinger, motioning toward the Chloroformed cloth again. "That way he’ll sleep for a bit."
"Is he gonna be okay?" Chris asked.
"I think so," he replied, wearily.
How many times has he had to say that to someone, he suddenly thought. Usually, most folks were fine. He looked at Vin Tanner. Then at Chris Larabee. They weren’t most folks. He was suddenly reminded of Chris’s words. ‘I didn’t have to hurt Vin first, to take him.’
"I think so," he repeated to himself. "Why don’t you grab some breakfast and rest," he said to Chris. "Vin’ll be asleep for awhile. I won’t leave him."
Chris hesitated for a moment, not wanting to leave the sharpshooter’s side.
"He looks so pale," he said quietly.
"From the blood he lost during the operation," Nathan explained. "He’ll be okay, Chris. Now go on. He won’t want you lookin’ worse than he does when he wakes up," he added, pointing to the door.
"Thanks, Nate," Chris said, rising from Vin’s bedside. "And about Vin and me…"
"I ain’t gonna tell," the healer quickly replied.
Further conversation between the two was stopped as they heard Buck’s booming voice calling from the hallway.
"Nathan? Chris and Vin with you? They okay?"
"I’ll see you later, Nate," Chris said as he went into the hall and intercepted Buck.
+ + + + + + +
Nathan sat next to the bed and patted a cool cloth across Vin’s brow. The young sharpshooter was still a bit feverish, but not dangerously so. Shortly after Chris left, Buck had tiptoed into the clinic to check on Vin. Then came JD, Josiah and Ezra in turn as each had gotten news of the sharpshooter’s illness. Each man stayed just for a little while, long enough to make sure a recovery seemed imminent and spell Nathan for a bit.
It was mid afternoon now. The healer figured Chris would be back soon. He contemplated this morning’s revelation. Chris and Vin? Nathan wasn’t so naïve that he’d never heard of men being together before. It was not a subject he liked to think about, though. His Christian upbringing had taught him the immorality of it. The unnaturalness. And these two men…they seemed to be the least likely of men to be that way. Hell, Chris had been married! He shook his head. This just wasn’t right. How could he ever see these two in the same light again?
Chris opened the door and stepped in quietly.
"How’s he doing?" he whispered.
"As expected," Nathan replied. "Stirred a few times, got some water into him. He’s kept it down, so that’s good."
"That talk we started this morning…" the gunslinger began, his eyes darting around the room nervously.
"I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it, yet, Chris," the healer cut in. "Give me a little more time. I got some people to see," he added, hurrying around the room and gathering some supplies into his bag. He stopped in front of a shelf holding various jars and bottles, took one down and handed it to Chris, saying, "Put some of this on his… his anus. Should take some of the sting out of it. Twice a day ‘til he heals," and left the room.
"Thanks, Nate," Chris said quietly, looking at the closed door as he turned the jar over in his hand.
The gunslinger took off his hat and sat beside the bed. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the tracker’s forehead before smoothing his hand gently through Vin’s hair. Vin murmured quietly and turned his head, but did not wake up. He applied the ointment Nathan gave him for Vin. Felt guilty.
This was not how it was supposed to be. He hadn’t meant to hurt the younger man. He’d wanted their first time together to be so perfect. And now… He’d almost lost Vin. Sure, Nathan had reassured him that the appendicitis wasn’t his fault. And Vin said he’d had stomach cramps and pains before they’d made love. But the gunslinger still felt as if all of Vin’s hurts were his fault.
And there was also the fact that their secret was no longer a secret. Nathan knew. Yes, the healer had told him that he wouldn’t tell. And Chris believed him. But what does the man think of him and Vin, now? Will he see them as the same two men that had come to his rescue all that time ago? Will he see them as the lawmen they were? Or will he believe them deviants? Lesser men.
He looked at the object of his affection, found tired blue eyes staring back at him.
"Hey, Vin," he whispered, smiling.
The tracker opened his mouth, but no words came out. He grimaced as pain and frustration enveloped him.
"Here, try some water," the gunslinger offered, gently lifting Vin’s head up and putting a cup to his lips.
After a few sips, Vin nodded and relaxed.
"I guess… I’m still alive… huh, Cowboy?" he managed.
"Yeah, Nate did a real good job fixing you up," Chris replied, putting a hand to the tracker’s forehead.
"What’s he… what’s he gonna…do?" Vin asked. "About…us?"
Chris was about to reply, when the man in question opened the door to his clinic.
"I see you’re awake," Nathan spoke, walking to the bed, taking a seat opposite Chris.
He quickly checked Vin’s fever, putting a gentle hand to the tracker’s forehead. Then he pulled back the blanket and began to change the bandaging on Vin’s abdomen. He murmured an apology when his ministrations caused Vin pain, but the tracker nodded his understanding.
"How’s it look, Doc?" Vin asked.
"So far, so good," Nathan replied. "You just keep restin’ up and you’ll be fine in a coupla weeks."
He started to rise from the chair when Chris’s hand caught his arm, held him.
"We gotta talk, Nate," he said, locking gazes with the healer.
Chris looked quickly at Vin, saw the uncertainty in the younger man’s eyes. A hint of fear.
"It’s best we get this out in the open, now," he went on, talking to both Vin and Nathan. "We need to know where we stand with you Nate."
Nathan dropped back onto the chair and let out a sigh. He looked at the determined face of Chris Larabee. Then at the tired, worried face of Vin Tanner.
"I can’t condone what you two did. What you’re gonna do," the healer began. "Goes against everything I was taught. Goes against nature. And I’m usually the first person who says that a man’s free to do what he wants with his life…"
"We’re the same two men we were yesterday," Chris cut in.
Nathan looked again at the men before him, nodded in agreement with the gunslinger.
"I know that, Chris," he replied. "And I owe you two my life for bein’ those men."
"But?" Vin whispered, afraid they’d lost a good friend.
"Like I said, I can’t condone what you do," Nathan continued. "But I ain’t gonna condemn you neither. I won’t tell nobody what I know. I’ll try not to treat you no different than I have. You’re still good men. But I gotta get used to this."
"That’s all we ask, Nathan," Chris said.
Vin nodded his thanks to the healer.
"Now, enough talkin’ for you," Nathan said to Vin, changing the subject. "Time to get some rest."
+ + + + + + +
"You’re sure, now?" Chris asked nervously.
"I’m sure, Chris," Vin replied, giving the older man an encouraging kiss. "Just go slow. And use plenty of that oil."
THE END