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FIVE
"Hey, Chris," JD greeted him from his bed.
"Hey, JD," the man in black returned. "How are ya?"
"A little better every day, I guess," the younger man replied. "How's Vin?" he asked.
"That's what I came to talk to you about, JD," Chris replied. "I need to find out what happened to him."
"Now, Chris," Buck warned. "We've been all through this. JD don't need to get all riled up again," he continued shaking his head, unconsciously putting himself between JD and his old friend.
"I know that, Buck," Chris said. "But I need to find out what's missing. What happened to Vin. Why he's still having the nightmares..." he nodded at JD, " and why he's not."
"And having JD start having his nightmares again is gonna make it all even?" Buck retorted, cutting Chris off. "Uh-uh."
"Buck," Chris began, only to be confronted by Buck's towering form.
"Both of you, stop it!" JD shouted. When the two older men stopped and turned to him, he continued, "If it'll help Vin, I'll tell you."
"You don't have to, kid," Buck said softly, sitting down on the bed next to JD.
"I do. For Vin," he said quietly, looking up first at Buck, then at Chris.
"What did they do to him, JD? What did they do that you didn't tell us before?" Chris asked, taking the chair next to the bed.
"He was yelling at them, cursing at them," he began shakily. "He did it to get their attention away from me. To protect me," he continued, then paused again to swallow. "And it worked. The leader went over to him and started to... to touch him," he said, looking up at the men, hoping they understood what he meant.
They both nodded silently in response.
"Go on, JD," Chris urged gently.
"Then she... she... she sucked his pecker, Chris," he blurted out, embarrassed, looking away.
Chris sighed and closed his eyes before standing up.
"Thanks, JD," he finally said. "I think that explains a lot," he added and left the room.
+ + + + + + +
Chris shifted uncomfortably in the hard chair. The wick on the lamp was low, giving off just enough light so that Chris could watch his best friend, and for the last three months his lover, toss and turn in a restless sleep. A moan escaped from Vin and Chris laid a calming hand on his shoulder.
"Easy Vin, it's OK. You're safe now. Everything's alright," Chris soothed the injured man. His soft tone and gentle hand seemed to reassure Vin and he quieted.
Damn. If those bitches weren't dead Chris would have killed them. It had been two weeks. Two weeks of hell, wondering if Vin would live. And JD. The kid had been through it all right. Fortunately, he and Buck had gotten there in time to spare him the worst of what Vin had endured. Fucking bitches.
Chris sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. It was gonna be another long night. And for damn sure he wasn't going to sleep tonight. Not after what JD had told him earlier. Chris had listened, his heart growing heavier and colder as JD stumbled over the words. The kid hadn't been able to look at him. His face had been redder than a working girl's dress when he finally managed to get the words out.
She sucked his pecker, Chris.
Chris had put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently to let him know it was OK.
Now, Chris was just waiting for Vin to wake up. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that for Vin, that had been the worst part of the whole ordeal. He remembered how shy and sweet Vin had been the first time they'd made love. The tracker hadn't been a virgin, but he hadn't been all that experienced either. And Chris was almost certain he'd never had a lover who cared for him the way Chris did.
Chris was lost in his thoughts, when he became aware of a feeling of being watched. Lifting his eyes towards the bed, he met a pair of tired blue eyes. "Hey cowboy, how you feeling?" He asked softly, as he moved closer, so he could take one of Vin's hands in his. Chris placed a light kiss on the back of Vin's hand.
"Thirsty." The raspy voice was weak.
Chris poured some water from the pitcher into a glass and slid his hand under Vin's head and carefully lifted him up enough to drink.
"Thanks pard." Vin's voice was a little stronger. Chris put his hand on Vin's forehead again and was relieved to find it cool to the touch. The tracker was clearly tired, but Chris could see there was something on his mind.
Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, Chris took one of Vin's hands into his and used his other hand to gently stroke the tracker's cheek. Chris spoke softly. "What's wrong Vin?"
Vin looked at him and Chris could see hurt and guilt and shame warring in his eyes. Those eyes, Chris could stay lost in them for hours.
"It's ok, Vin. Just tell me." The words were spoken gently, enticingly.
Vin held Chris's gaze, searching his eyes for something. The blue eyes were brimming with pain that threatened to spill over any minute. Finally, the younger man closed his eyes and whispered. "I'm sorry, Chris."
"What are you sorry for Vin?" Chris asked him softly, knowing that Vin needed to tell him. Needed to know that Chris didn't blame him.
Vin didn't open his eyes, but he spoke hesitantly, his drawl pronounced. "Chris, she -- I -- she did things to me. I tried not to -- I didn't want --- . Oh Christ, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I tried so hard not to, but she used her mouth and --"
Chris cut him off with a soft hand over his mouth. "Shhhh. It's alright, Vin." Chris knew that nothing he could say to his lover would relieve the guilt he was feeling. This is one time, Chris thought, that actions speak louder. So, he slipped a hand under the covers and stroked Vin's cock through his underwear.
Vin's eyes flew open, shock radiating from the blue depths. Chris could feel the soft flesh beneath his hand stirring and hardening. He stoked Vin for another minute, keeping his eyes locked on the bounty hunter's, until the tracker reddened and dropped his eyes.
"Vin, you're lying here in pain and feeling like shit. You're worrying over what that bitch did to you, and I can still get you hard, just touching you. It's just your body reacting, not your heart. Vin, look at me." Chris's voice was gentle, but didn't leave any room for Vin to ignore him.
Chris could see a tear spill out of Vin's eye. He gently wiped it away and cupped his hand around Vin's cheek. "Vin, did you ever, even once, in your heart want her to do it?"
"Not once," was the tracker's choked reply. "God Chris, I hated it. Every second. I just kept wanting to die." The dam that had been threatening finally broke loose and the tears ran down the younger man's face.
Tenderly, ever mindful of the broken body, Chris lifted Vin into his arms. He stroked his hair and whispered soothing sounds into his lover's ear while the pain and shame and humiliation poured wordlessly out of Vin.
Chris held him long after the shoulder's stopped heaving. Long after the deep even breaths that told him Vin had fallen asleep. When he finally laid the injured man back against the pillows, Chris was gratified to see him sleeping easily. Whatever had tormented him earlier, eased at least for tonight.
Chris closed his eyes and tried to sleep in the torture device Nathan called a chair. He twisted and turned in the chair for a long time, finally giving up and after checking to be sure Vin was still sleeping comfortably, stepped out onto the balcony for some fresh air.
Chris stretched and rubbed his tired face with both of his hands. He breathed deeply of the cold night air. A breeze brushed his face and a memory floated across his mind. Vin's hair trailing lightly across his skin.
A whimper from the sickroom caught his ear and Chris rushed inside. Vin was trapped in the throes of another nightmare. Easing down on the side of Vin's bed, Chris gently rubbed his shoulder. "Shhhhh," he soothed.
"Chris - help - me - love you - God - please - somebody - Chris" Vin's fragmented cries tore into Chris's heart. Finally Chris's soothing words penetrated the nightmare and the tracker settled back into peaceful sleep.
Love you. His lover's words haunted Chris. Damn, why couldn't he have known? At least when those bitches had hurt him, Vin would have had that to hold onto. Chris's mind traveled back to that night a month ago, when Vin had told him, let it slip out really, that he loved him.
They'd been making love and Vin had cried out in his orgasm, "God, I love you." Chris hadn't wanted to hear it then. Hadn't wanted to accept it. So, he'd pretended not to hear it. His own release had come on top of Vin's and he'd yelled Vin's name. It almost blocked out his lover's words. Almost. But Chris had heard them and like a damned coward had pretended he didn't.
"I'm sorry Vin. I should have known then. It shouldn't have taken you almost gettin' killed for me to know. I love you too." Chris whispered sadly to his sleeping lover.
ONE WEEK LATER
Chris helped Vin ease down onto the bed in his room. Nathan needed the bed in his clinic and truth be told, it was getting harder to keep Vin there every minute. Vin was still too weak to be left on his own though. So, Chris had offered to let Vin stay in his room. He'd gotten his landlady to move a cot in, on the pretext that Chris would sleep there, while Vin slept in his bed. Chris had no intention of sleeping anywhere but beside Vin.
Vin yawned as he watched Chris hang up his gunbelt and lock the door. Didn't seem like he could stay awake no time these days. He'd had a nap after lunch today and then Chris had finally come to get him outta Nathan's. 'Bout damn time. He was near crazy from bein' locked up over there. And he wasn't quite ready to have Mary fussin' over him every day.
Vin felt a pang at the thought of the editor. Mary hadn't never done nothin' but be nice to him and here he'd gone and made a fool of himself cause she'd spoke to him. It didn't make no never mind that he'd been out of his head with fever and pain, he'd treated her bad and he was gonna apologize as soon as his friends would let him take two steps outside on his own.
Chris sat on the chair near the window and took his boots off. Vin eyed him appreciatively. God, he'd been so scared when he realized what he'd yelled at Chris. Scared that Chris was going to end it right then. But Chris had been too lost in his own release to catch it. Vin knew he was on borrowed time with Chris, but he didn't care. He was going to take every kiss, every touch, every second he could get.
Suddenly, she was there. Rising up in front of him, mocking him. "How can he want to be with you at all?" Vin closed his eyes, but she was still there, laughing at him. He could see her red hair swirling around her as her voice burned inside his head. "He won't want you now. We marked you. You're ours now."
"NO!" Vin pounded his fist against the mattress and curled on his side in a ball. "NO! Damn you! Leave me alone!"
Chris curled his body around Vin's and wrapped both arms around him and pulled him as close as he could. "It's OK. They're gone. You're safe now. I'm here Vin. It's OK." Over and over Chris repeated the words until he felt Vin begin to relax.
Chris's words finally penetrated the nightmarish memory Vin was trapped in. He felt his lover's strong arms holding him and turned instinctively towards the safety and comfort those arms offered.
"Chris, I'm sorry." Vin was embarrassed at his behavior. "Don't mean ta act like a damn kid every time I open my eyes."
Chris eased him onto his back and leaned over his young lover and kissed him softy. Vin's lips parted and Chris let his tongue enter his mouth and gently explored the familiar territory. A contented sigh escaped the younger man. Chris pulled back to where he could make eye contact with Vin. "Vin, you've been through a hell of a time. There's no shame in needin' somebody."
Vin's blue eyes met Chris's green eyes and the tracker gave him a forlorn smile. His raspy voice was soft as he wistfully replied, "I guess I need ya alright Chris."
"I'm glad to hear that Vin, cause it's for damn sure that I need you too." Chris's voice was emotional as he continued. "Vin, I wish I'd told ya back when you told me, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. When we found you I was scared you'd die and I wouldn't get a chance to tell ya. I love you."
Vin looked at him with disbelieving eyes. "What are you sayin' Chris? Do you mean it?"
"Yeah Vin, I do. I love you."
Vin could see the honesty in the gunslinger's green eyes and reached up to stroke his cheek. "I love you too Chris," he whispered.
"I shouldn't have been such a jerk before," Chris lamented. "I wish to God I'd told ya sooner. He certainly knows how I've been feeling. But if it eases ya some now, that's good, ain't it?"
Through all his injuries, aches, and ailments, Vin began to feel the flicker of contentment that had eluded him for so long. "You don't know how good that makes me feel," he said huskily.
"Mmmm. I know something else that might make ya feel even better," Chris countered with a devilish grin and an arched eyebrow. He traced the outline of Vin's collarbone with his fingertips then slipped his hand under the shirt and smoothed his hand over the firm, rounded muscles of the younger man's shoulders. "I do love to touch you, Vin. I do love it." He leaned down for a kiss then whispered, "Ya scared me to death, thinking I'd never be able to do this again. Damn near broke my heart," Chris said and cleared his throat.
The flimsy shelter of defense Vin had managed to piece together came crumbling down at Chris's obvious distress. "I screwed up bad, Chris. I screwed it all up," he said, his voice full of self-loathing. "I know so much better, I don't know why I didn't listen to my instincts. And 'cause of me, look what happened to JD. He's just a kid, fer God's sake!" Vin ground his palms against his closed eyes trying to eradicate the hellish vision that plagued him.
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