Missing Scene: "Obsession"
Disclaimer: Not mine, we all know who really owns them
Notes: "Obession" spoilers. Chris's POV. Always thought more Chris and Vin interaction needed to be in this ep. Just my thoughts of what may have happened to Chris and Vin between Vin's warning and Chris finding the secret closet. A bit of a rewrite of the shooting scene, too. Always felt if Chris had been shot in the chest, getting him in an upright position would have helped his breathing, but then, that's just me. Vin holding him like that would have been a nice touch, but the director obviously didn't think so.
I have to find Vin. He's a man of his word and if he says he'll be gone by morning, then he's gonna leave. I can't let him. I know I've been a damn fool, and I could see the hurt in his eyes when I told him in not so many words that I didn't believe what he had found out about Ella. That look made me realize just how much of a fool I'd been. I have to find out why Vin went to all that trouble to find out exactly what Ella is up to. I have to know the reasons. I make my excuses to Ella and leave the party. I search the grounds outside the crew quarters, then I see Vin standing by his horse that's tied to a tree. He's packing up. "Vin," I call out."Chris," he replies in that soft drawl that always warms the deepest part of my soul, but he doesn't stop packing. He's tying his bedroll to Peso's saddle. I approach him, walking cautiously. I have to say the right thing or this is gonna end badly. I can't let that happen. I suddenly reach out and grab his wrist, stopping his movements for him. He stands there, letting me, but he doesn't turn to look at me. "Nothing more to say, Chris. I can tell you've made up your mind about this."
"That's just it, Vin. I haven't. I know you would never lie to me. I just didn't want to believe you. I couldn't believe you, even though..."
That's the invitation. He turns to look at me. "Even though what?"
I let go his wrist and run that hand through my hair. The moonlight is strong tonight and I can see that expression in his eyes, begging me to say it. "Vin, I need to know why."
"Why what?"
Damn it! He's gonna make this difficult, not like it isn't all ready. Can't say as I blame him, though. I saw that hurt in his eyes and now I have to own up to the fact I put it there. "Why did you look into Ella? Why did you figure she wasn't straight with me?"
Vin stands there, his eyes taking on that wistful stare of his. The kind that tells me he's putting his words together, that thoughtful look. If a person ain't careful, they can lose themselves in that gaze. "I always thought...we'd ride together, Chris. When ya' said ya' were gonna stay with her, something gnawed me in the gut, something I couldn't ignore. I wanted ya' to be happy, to be sure she was...good enough fer ya'."
He's looking down now. His voice has gone softer...if that's possible. God, he looks so terrified right now. What is it, Vin? Talk to me, pard. Don't let it go down unfinished. As if reading my thoughts he looks up at me. "I needed to know you'd be all right. Especially if we were partin' ways."
Suddenly it hits me. The truth of it all. Vin's motives, his reasons...everything inside his heart is screaming at me to stand up and take notice. I was going to abandon him, like he's been abandoned most of his life. He'd found a friend in me, and I was going to turn my back on him to satisfy my own lust and needs. I had made a promise to go to Tascosa with him to help him clear his name and I flagrantly betrayed that oath by a woman the likes of Ella. I conveniently forgot about our mutual arrangement. He never once asked me to go with him, but I offered, out of the sincere desire to see him survive, to live, to never have to fear a hangman's noose again. Shit, Larabee, you son-of-a-bitch! How could you be so damn selfish! You offer your partnership to this young man who willingly trusted you with a black secret and you take it away without even thinking about him in the process! Shit! You don't deserve Vin Tanner! You don't deserve his friendship or his loyalty and you turn him away when he's trying to save your damn miserable hide!
"Chris, ya' deserve happiness. But ya' ain't gonna find it with Ella. But I can't make ya' see that. I can't force ya' to see the truth." He turns away and goes over to the other side of Peso to finish tying down his bedroll. I follow him. This isn't over. Not now. If I can help it, I ain't gonna lose the one thing in my life worth keeping. I take his arm and turn him to face me. "Don't leave," I ask, my voice choking on the words. I wouldn't blame him if he rode off right now.
"What's there to stay fer?" he asks, simple as you please.
"You tell me, Vin. You did this, you opened up my eyes, there's gotta be a reason, something that goes deeper than what you're telling me." I'm fishing and I know it. But I have to know. Vin's set on leaving anyway, if I'm wrong, if what is between us is just in my imagination, then he's all ready resigned himself to riding off...without me. But if I'm right...dear God...if I'm right then I have some major damage control to take care of.
Vin tenses under my grip. I force him to look at me. "Say it, Vin. Just say it and let it go from you."
He shakes his head. "I can't. You'll probably shoot me dead if I did."
He's as scared as I am. I smile down at him, hoping he'll see that I understand. "Say it, Vin. I all ready suspect, but I need to hear it from you."
Damn it, Larabee, he's all ready shown you and you're torturing him like you're some kind of bully. Take the bull by the horns yourself and make it easy for him. I lean closer. He catches his breath with a small gasp. "I'll say it then. I need you, Vin. Does that make it easier for you?"
Vin's mouth tightens, his gaze hard and glaring. "Took ya' long enough, Larabee," he whispers in a controlled voice and before I know it he's pulling my head toward him with his free hand and covers my mouth with his. I release his wrist and wrap my arms around his slender frame, pulling him closer to me, feeling his warmth against me. His kiss is passionate like a blatant storm that's been stored up behind the clouds too long. I return the kiss with just as much passion. His hat falls from his head to dangle over his back and I bury my hands into his hair. It smells of dust and the trail, but it also smells of the outdoors, of the air that is pure and life giving. I clutch it into my hands and it's soft. I think of what he would look like with his hair longer and my mind is filled with the image of the wind blowing through a long and sandy-colored mane, framing his face. I see it fly around his head and I'd give anything to be around in his life long enough to see his hair that length, to see my fantasy come to life. 'God, Vin,' I think. 'Grow your hair for me.'
Our mouths open and our tongues connect and there is no shame, no remorse, no...regret, just two souls connecting. He pulls away and our foreheads join. I hold him, not wanting to let go. Vin Tanner, thy name is shelter for this gunslinger's darkened soul.
"Don't leave," I whisper to him.
"Got no place to go anyway, cowboy. Was just...hell, I don't know what I was gonna do. Wander a bit I reckon, stay on the run. Figured ya' wouldn't come lookin' fer me anyway."
I kiss his forehead and embrace him tightly. "We ride together like you said. Wherever the journey takes us."
"Reckon it's just a need, Chris, but I never had that need so strong till I met ya'."
I understand what he's telling me. He's never really known what love is, even my friendship with him must seem like something foreign to his soul. "Must be a pretty powerful need, Vin, for you to do what you did today."
"I don't know what this is, Chris. Don't rightly know where it's gonna lead us."
"As always, cowboy, we take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Right now I need to know the next step is you stayin'."
He pulls away and looks at me. "I ain't gonna leave, Chris. I swear that to ya'. But what about Ella?"
I look up at the sky and sigh. "I have an idea, Vin, but I need you to pretend like you've ridden out of here, just don't go too far."
"I'll be near, Chris, watchin' your back. Don't need to worry none about that."
I gaze at him, and my eyes are filled with his face. "I don't want to leave you right now."
I kiss his forehead once more and he leans into the kiss, his eyes closing. "Don't want ya' to go."
"Let me taste you, Vin. Let me know I really have you before I go back inside."
"Can't let ya' do that. Ella will taste me on ya'. She'll get suspicious."
He's right and I groan, pulling him into my arms. "I want you, Vin. And I can't have you until this is over."
He pulls away and grins. "Not exactly, cowboy."
His eyes are still locked with mine as he lowers himself to his knees in front of me and begins to undo my pants. "Fancy pants," he says with a wicked grin as if he's christening a new nickname for me. I put my hands to his head. "Take me slow, Vin. I want so much for this to linger."
"Love ya' enough, Chris. I got ya' and I ain't lettin' go. Not even if we're separated from each other. You'll know I'm there, even when ya' go to her bed tonight."
I clutch his hair and pull his face up to meet my eyes again. "I don't need her anymore, Vin. You gotta believe that."
He smiles and puts his hands over mine, softly caressing them. "I do. What ya' gotta do tonight will probably save our lives...and yours. Don't cry my name when you come with her, Chris."
I pull him up to his feet. "Chris?"
I kiss him, long and gentle, feeling him, tasting him. "Don't do it, Vin. I want you to. I want it so bad, but I can't take you like this. Not like this. I don't need for it to happen, to know where we stand right now."
"It's the kissin', ain't it?" he asks as our tongues attack and our lips join. "Ain't gonna wanna kiss me when I'm finished with ya'?"
"Mmm-hmmm," I reply as I run my hands over his back and shoulders and pull him against me. "Can't chance it."
"My scent will be on your clothes, Chris."
"Got that covered. Never liked this damn suit anyway. There's a shit pile by the barn. Damn shoes...just can't seem to get used to them."
"Always clumsy, ain't ya'?" he asks, grinning against my lips. "Guess you'll have to take another bath tonight then?"
"I'd give anything if it was you bathing me, Vin."
I feel his hand on my hardening bulge and I gasp. "Vin!"
He smiles as he undoes my pants and pulls out my lengthening shaft. He begins to stroke it. His fingers are so gentle and determined. I groan against his neck. He pumps me and I moan, pushing myself into his hand. "Yes, Vin, God, yes!"
He kisses my neck, licking me, being careful not to mark me and his hand continues its back and forth motion. "Wanted you fer so damn long, Larabee."
"I'm sorry, Vin. I never saw it. I should have."
His motion becomes faster and I throw my head back as I groan. His hand is over my mouth. "Shhh, Chris. Shhh," he warns.
I nod and he removes his hand. "Don't stop, Vin. I'm almost...there...almost...God, Tanner, you're hands."
As if in response to the invitation he puts his fingers to my lips and I wrap my mouth around two of them, sucking them, bathing them with my tongue. His pumping becomes harder. I feel the pressure in my groin increasing. He's pushing me to the edge and as if he knows he pulls my head forward and covers my need to scream his name with his mouth. I moan against his lips and spill my seed out onto the ground as my body jerks.
The moment has passed, but not the kissing. His mouth and mine, warring for dominance and I just can't tear myself away from him. Gently he eases my rod back into my pants and does me back up again, All the while kissing me as he works.
He pulls away, being the stronger of the two of us at that moment in time. "Go. Do what ya' have to."
I touch his arm. "Vin."
He backs away from my touch. "Ya' have to, Chris. We know what we mean to each other, now. I'll be there fer ya' when the time comes. Don't worry."
I stare at him and I can see my going to Ella is ripping him apart, but he knows there's no other choice. I can't chance what may happen if Ella starts to suspect that we suspect her. I turn from Vin and start my trek to the barn. I have to hide his scent and right now a shit pile sounds more inviting to me than Ella's bed anyway. But as I walk away I hear three words that keep me focused. "Love ya', cowboy."
I know what I have to do...but each step I take to get the job done gets harder and harder. Vin's words, somehow, someway, will make it easier for me.
'It'll be you I think about, Vin. You I'll keep in my mind. I'll call her name, but my heart will call yours.'
I take in a deep breath as I near the shit pile and close my eyes. I fall face first into it. Nope, definitely don't smell Vin anymore. The things I do...the things I will do to protect him. Covering myself in shit is a small price to pay for his safety, and the safety of the others.
'God, Vin, will ya' still love me in the mornin'?'
+ + + + + + +
It worked. Damn, never thought it would, but Buck and Josiah took me outside to dump water all over me as I stripped off that damn monkey suit. Ella had laughed at me, unable to keep it inside. And as I explained what happened, if she had any suspicions they disappeared with my story. "Just nose dived into the pile. Thought I heard a sound or something by the barn...." "Enough, Larabee," she had said. "Just go get yourself cleaned up and I'll run another bath for you."
And that was that. Never thought a pile of shit would be an ally, but for Vin's sake as well as my own, I was grateful to that one.
Josiah and Buck are hootin' and hollerin' which brings Vin around to catch the act. He's laughing. "Damn, Larabee, what the hell happened to ya'?" he asks, giving credence to the cover up.
I grin at him. "Got up close and personal with a shit pile," I reply.
He winks at me. "Well, it looks like you boys have everythin' handled here. Reckon I'll go bed down. Down wind of twinkle toes here."
I shoot my leg out and kick him in the butt as he turns to leave. He looks over his shoulder at me and tips his hat. I wink at him. So far so good. Suspicion diverted.
Buck pours another bucket over me and then Josiah follows. I yell out as the cold water hits my skin. "Damn!"
Josiah chuckles. "I think this tops the bareback Larabee story."
"I don't think anything will top that story, Josiah," Buck hoots out with laughter. "But this one can stand on it's own."
Josiah kicks my suit out to the side. "Along with those," he jokes.
I grin. It's a good night after all, but seeing Vin standing off in the shadows, watching me get washed up, I realize what's about to happen. 'Stay close, pard,' I think, 'but keep your head down.'
As if he hears me he tips his hat to me one more time and turns to head off where Peso is tied.
It's a good thing I'm being doused in cold water at the moment, because I really want to go after Vin and take him.
+ + + + + + +
I'm staring at her now, Vin's words going through my mind. "She lied to ya', up and down the line. The woman's no good, Chris."
She's sleeping and she's holding a secret. Vin never lied to me, or held anything back. How could I have been so damned blind? I reach for the keys to her secret closet. Time for the truth to will out.
+ + + + + + +
God, what am I lookin' at? What is all this stuff she's kept locked away? Like some sort of shrine! Pictures of me and my family, stuff from the fire and my wife's locket.
"I've always loved you, Chris. Now you know just how much."
Ella is standing there, not bothering to deny any of this. I know...deep down inside...I can see what she's done. I just can't bring myself to believe it. Not until I hear it from her own lying mouth. And when she does confess it all, that she's the one responsible for killing my wife and child, I go into a murderous rage. "Bitch!" I'm strangling her now, my heart filled with blinding vengeance. Then I hear the shots. God! What's happening outside? "What did you do?" I ask her.
"I'll kill anyone who comes between us!"
I can't take this. I run away from her. I have to get my guns. Help the others. Protect them. Protect Vin.
+ + + + + + +
Oh, God, where did it all go wrong? I hear Vin yell my name, telling me to get down, but I don't hear him either. The shots are flying everywhere. Then I hear my name and turn to see Ella on her horse. I raise my gun and aim it at her...I want to pull the trigger. I want to see that bitch fall, but I can't. I'm frozen. Why can't I shoot her? Because she's a woman? I freeze and the moment is too long. I feel the rip of flesh as the bullet tears into my side and I turn and fall. The man who shot me is going for the kill, but I hear Vin's voice...his rage. In one second I'm in confusion and with his voice I'm at peace. "NO!" And he fires, dropping my attacker. Ella is riding off and Vin is at my side. I see him aim his carbine and he fires. "Did ya' get her?" I ask, the pain searing through me like hot lead.
"Naw, I missed her."
How could he have missed her? He's a crack shot. Maybe he wanted to miss her, maybe he didn't want to take that opportunity away from me. I hear him calling for Nathan. I reach up and grab his arm. "Don't leave me, Vin," I whisper. He puts his hand to my face. "Ain't goin' anywhere, cowboy. You just best do the same fer me."
I smile and cling to his arm. He's worried. The look in his eyes is like the wind blowing every which direction. Splays of emotion. Trying so hard to keep his cool and yet fearing so much. "No, Vin. I ain't gonna leave ya', pard. Ya' hear me? I ain't leavin' ya'."
"See that ya' don't. I just got ya' in my life fer real and I ain't gonna let go."
I smile at him and want so badly to kiss him, but now's not the time or the place. I feel him lift me into his arms and he lays his gun down as he cradles me. "Chris?"
I'm fading out, the shock, the pain...I feel myself falling into darkness. But I'm not afraid. I know Vin's light will guide me back. I cling to his arms as he holds me. And his arms are powerful, his hands gentle. "Don't leave me," he whispers.
I shake my head as the darkness encompasses me. "Never, cowboy," I tell him as I search for his face. "Never." I reach up and feel his cheek. "God, Vin, I've got everything to live for now." I feel my eyes close. I want so much to sleep. I only hope I wake up in Vin's arms.
~Fin~
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