Disclaimer: The boys are not mine. I’m just taking them out to play.
Notes: This is just a little C/V story. The boys wouldn’t leave me alone 'til I gave them their happy ending. They don't get those very often. At least not from me. <g> Who knew those two could talk so much? Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, let me know. I like to know things like that.
The first rays of dawn were just barely beginning to lighten the night sky when Vin Tanner opened one bleary eye. Cautiously raising himself up on one elbow, he stared down at his still sleeping companion. He wiggled his right leg experimentally, in an attempt to free it from the tangle of his bedmate’s limbs. He froze as his companion muttered something and rolled over, trapping Vin’s otherleg firmly beneath his body.Damn. Vin cursed inwardly. He’d seen knots less intricate than this. Deciding to forego any further attempts at freeing himself, he sank back down on the bed and wondered what in the hell he’d done and how much it was going to cost him before it was all over.
Everything. The answer came swiftly, mercilessly. It was going to cost him everything.
Chris is never gonna forgive me for this. I’ll be lucky if he don’t decide to shoot me. Although, it might be easier if he does. I don’t think I could stand to live, knowin’ Chris was out there somewhere, hatin’ my guts. And that it was all my fault.
Seein’ Mary get hitched to that journalist fella had to hurt him somethin’ awful. Even if he won’t admit it. I thought maybe now that they’ve left for California, it’d be easier on him. But, if that was the case, then why’d he come lookin’ for me last night. They left near a week ago. He must’ve really loved her. God. I’m such a fool. He’d been drinkin’ last night too. I know, because I could taste it on him.
Dammit, Tanner. Don’t think about that right now. Not when he’s so close and all you’d have to do is reach out… Oh God. This is what Hell is like.
I’m so sorry, Chris. You came to me, lookin’ for a friend, and what did I do? Betrayed that friendship in the worst kind of way. Took advantage of your need. Truth is, I aint no kind of friend. But that’s always been the problem, I reckon. I aint never wanted to be just your friend. Now I won’t even have that much. How could I be so stupid?
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Yep. That’s me, alright. I was the sober one. I shoulda known better. I didknow better. It just felt so damn right when you leaned over and kissed me. I aint never been kissed like that before. But you never do anythinglike the rest of us ordinary folk. Who else could bring together a group of ragtag drifters and make it work? Determined. Fierce. Smart. Honorable. All of ‘em fall short of the mark in describin’ ya. Hell, I’m just a half-literate ex-bounty hunter. What do Iknow about words? I wonder what words Ezra would use? He’s good at that fancy kind of talk. Although, in this case, I don’t guess all the fancy talk in the world would do me much good. I don’t reckon ya want to hear about how much this long haired, scruffy lookin’ tracker loves ya.
Vin sighed and shut his eyes tightly. Maybe this was all a dream. He’d wake up in a few minutes and everything would be the way it was. Except then he wouldn’t have the memory of the previous night.
God. How could he give up the memory of warm lips and cool hands, touching him and teasing him til he was mindless with desire?
He flushed as he remembered begging Chris to take him. To fuck him. And he recalled those blazing green eyes staring down at him as Chris did just that. The gunslinger must think he was pathetic.
Vin sighed again. It was almost completely light outside by now. Maybe he could try untangling his leg again, so’s he could at least get up and put some clothes on.
"Something wrong, Vin?" The soft voice caused the tracker’s eyes to pop open and he emitted a strangled exclamation of surprise. Shivering a little at the sensations the warm breath tickling his ear had evoked, Vin turned and found himself staring into a pair of brilliant green eyes.
Vin could’ve sworn he heard his heart breaking when he saw the distant, wary look in those eyes. He just hoped Chris couldn’t hear it, too. The older man’s mouth was folded into a thin, flat line and his entire body radiated tension. Damn. Vin looked away.
"Uh…no. Nothin’s wrong. I was just about to get up is all." Vin trailed off awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. He glanced over to where his clothes lay strewn about the room. He longed desperately for the security they would provide. But he couldn’t bring himself to throw off the blankets and expose his nakedness to that icy stare.
It aint like he didn’t see all of ya last night, Tanner. Vin tried to reason with himself, but it was no use. He snuck a look at his companion’s face. It now held a faint look of amusement. Vin was positive that Chris was fully aware of his dilemma. How humiliating. Damn the man! Did he always have to know what Vin was thinking?
They both lay there silently for a few minutes. Then, gathering his courage, Vin slipped out bed and began slowly collecting his scattered clothing. The gunslinger didn’t say a word, but Vin could feel the weight of that green gaze on him.
Finally, he was dressed. He stood awkwardly, unconsciously twisting the brim of his hat back and forth in nervous fingers.
"Well, uh…I reckon I’ll see you later." he said at last.
Chris didn’t reply and Vin turned to go, feeling the pieces of his shattered heart crumble into dust.
"Vin?" His friend’s quiet voice stopped him just as he reached the door.
Vin paused, but didn’t turn around. After a few seconds, Chris continued. "Thank you. For last night. For being a friend."
Vin clenched his fists as he felt the guilt rising up in him. It flooded through him like a raging river and he whirled around to face the other man, his hat falling forgotten to the floor.
"A friend?" It was as if a dam had busted and all the words inside him came pouring out. "I’m the worst kinda friend there is, Larabee." Vin growled. "And it’s about damn time you realized that!"
"Dammit!" Vin continued, spurred on by guilt and remorse. "I don’t want to be your friend! I never wanted to be your friend. Aint ya figured that out yet?"
Vin was so caught up in his overwhelming flood of emotion, that he failed to notice the flash of pain in Chris’ eyes as he said this.
"Vin." The blonde man sat up in the bed.
The tracker didn’t even seem to hear his companion. He continued speaking, eyes cast downwards, voice harsh with self recrimination. "You were drunk. I knew that. I just didn’t care. You needed me and nothin’ else seemed to matter. Sayin’ I’m sorry won’t change what happened, but…"
"Vin!" This time Chris’ voice was too loud for him to ignore. He stopped abruptly and glanced back up at the other man. He swallowed hard at the sight which met his eyes.
The blanket had slid down til it rested against narrow hips, exposing that lean, muscled chest and flat abdomen to Vin’s hungry gaze. The blonde hair was tousled and the firm lips were still slightly swollen. He looked too perfect to be real. Vin tore his gaze away and tried to focus on the gunslinger’s words.
"…made you think I was drunk?" his friend was asking, face a neutral mask.
"I… I could…I could taste it on ya." Vin felt his face grow hot as he stared down at the floor. "And… And there aint no other explanation for what you…for what we…for last night." Vin wished the floor would just open up and swallow him. Or a bolt of lightning would strike him. Anything had to be better than this.
"I had one shot of whiskey. That was all." Chris’ quiet words caused Vin to jerk his head up in surprise.
"But, then why? I mean, with Mary leavin’ and all…I just figured…"
"So last night was supposed to comfort me because of Mary?" Chris’ voice was angry.
"Yes. No. Awww hell, Chris. What do ya want me to say?"
"I don’t want you to say anything except the truth, Vin. Why did you let me kiss you last night? Touch you? Fuck you?" Chris’ voice was as cold as ice and Vin winced at the brutal question.
"I let you do all those things because…", Vin hesitated, but he’d gone too far to turn back now. "because I wanted it. Wanted you."
"Why?" The voice no longer sounded angry, but it demanded a response.
"Don’t make me answer that, Chris. Please." Vin gnawed at his lip and ran nervous fingers through his tangled brown hair. He could hear the pleading note in his own voice. Maybe it would cause the gunslinger to take pity on him.
He should’ve known better. Pity had no place in Chris Larabee’s nature.
"Why, Vin?" came the relentless question.
"Dammit! It was because I love ya! I’ve always loved ya!" Vin yelled the words, suddenly furious that his most closely guarded secret had been forced out of him.
"Are ya happy now, Chris? Have I been shamed enough for last night? Can I go?" Vin hardly knew what he was saying anymore. He only knew he had to get out of here. Away from Chris.
He had the door partway open when it was abruptly pushed closed from behind. He felt a pair of arms circle him and then he was jerked around to face the gunslinger.
"Don’t go." Chris whispered, just before his lips descended on Vin’s in a kiss of bruising intensity.
"Why?" Vin asked when the other man finally released him. "Why, Chris?"
"Because I love you too, Vin." Chris replied softly.
Oh please God. If this is a dream, let me never wake up were Vin Tanner’s last coherent thoughts.
The End
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