"Yes, Sir"
He woke up in Buck's bed, fingers lightly stroking the hair from his face. The kiss that followed was everything he'd ever dreamed from a lover. Soft and gentle at first, rising to a plundering that left him wondering how he had lived without it until then. The passion created in that single kiss led him painlessly into taking a man -- no, not just any man, Buck -- into his mouth for the first time. He fumbled his way through, gentle instruction and constant praise combining with his need to please and easing the way. Buck gave him the choice, that first time, but he found he couldn't tear himself away, thirsting for the evidence of his Master's pleasure like a man dying in the desert. Each drop was like manna from heaven.
Afterward, Buck laid down the first ground rules, bringing the practical to what had, to that point, been wholly fantasy. Kissing the young man gently on the temple after a short rest, he slapped him lightly on his bare butt and grinned.
"Go get us some pop tarts and milk and meet me in the living room. We've got a lot to talk about."
JD rose and smiled, leaving to do as directed. Buck stretched and got up to don a pair of loose sweats, grinning wider with the low buzz of happiness that had been singing through him since Chris had opened his eyes to the truth.
Breakfast eaten, JD asked, and gained, permission to sit on the floor at Buck's feet, resting his head against his partner's leg and closing his eyes. Soothing fingers stroked and petted him as they talked. The young tech felt like he had come home.
"So where do we go from here, Buck?"
"First formal lesson, kid," Buck drawled. He smiled as his student immediately turned to face him, listening intently. "My rules are my rules. There are people all over this big world that play this game, or practice this lifestyle. Bunch of 'em do it just alike, and swear their way is the only "real" way. Then there's the club scene ... the weekend warriors and so forth. They live it sometimes, play at it sometimes, but either way they have real jobs and other lives apart from it. That would sorta be us, but we probably won't do too much socializin' with them. What you and me got, that's our own thing. What I'm tryin' to say is, no matter what kind of research you do, or books you read, or what other people say, we're doin' this to meet *our* needs. We don't live by any other standards and there's nothing more right or wrong with people who don't live by ours. Got it?"
JD paused for a moment, making sure he truly did.
"Yes, sir."
Buck nodded. "Second formal lesson. I recognize three ... categories, for lack of a better word, of manners. Formal, basic and casual. Using formal manners, at first, will be a pretty rare thing. You'll learn 'em, and we'll have a great time playin' with 'em, but they aren't an every day affair. 'Course ... you won't recognize me when I'm in formal mode," he winked.
"Basic manners. Well, that's what I'll be expectin' of you when we're home alone, for right now. For now, when we hit the front door, you'll become my submissive. You'll take your cues from me, make sure my needs are met, put my desires before yours and you'll call me sir. We'll go over this in detail over the next few days. For now just do what your instincts tell ya. The desire is already in ya or we wouldn't be here, so just let it out."
JD nodded, raptly watching his mentor lay out his future.
"Casual manners will be for work, the saloon, the ranch, that kinda thing. Casual means a general understanding of our relationship. You don't call me sir, you don't wait on me hand and foot, you walk beside me, we joke, we have a good time. But you don't ever forget who's boss. Basic submission, period. Nothing stylized, no fear of punishment unless you cross that invisible line. And you'll know if you do. You'll feel it. But casual manners means punishment is taken care of when we get home, never in front of anyone else."
JD blinked and glanced down, his brow furrowing. Looking back at Buck, he found himself pierced by a measuring gaze.
"What's on your mind, little bit?"
JD blushed and grimaced a bit at the nickname, at the same time thrilled by its use.
"Did you and Chris learn that nickname in Belgium?"
Buck grinned, "Nah, we've been callin' ya that behind your back for months."
JD rolled his eyes but smiled. His face still flushed with embarrassed pleasure. Without changing his playful tone Buck warned, "I'll let that eye roll pass, this time, because of its nature. But I hate it when it's directed at me. If I ever catch you, you
will be punished. Understood?"
JD swallowed, the smile slipping away. Again his brows furrowed but he answered without hesitation, "Yes, sir."
"Now, what's the scowl about?"
"I ... um ..." he licked already wet lips again, causing Buck's eyes to drop and watch the tip of his pink tongue dance across his flesh.
The wolf in Buck smiled.
" ... you said punishment," JD continued.
Buck nodded, watching him and waiting.
"Well ... what does that mean, exactly?"
"A whole lot of things. Verbal, chores, assignments, physical. I believe the punishment should fit the crime."
"Sir ... I ... " he tapered off.
"JD, right now we're talking. You have my permission to say anything you need to. I expect honesty."
Suddenly JD's face filled with frustration and all his poise and presentation disintegrated. His fidgeting became full-on JD and his red face owed nothing to sexual arousal.
"Well darn it, Buck! What gives you the right ta punish me? I mean ya just gonna up and decide you don't like my pants one day and make me walk to work in my underwear? Ya gonna decide I was a "bad boy" and take me over your knee like a common little brat? I ain't a kid, Buck. I thought ..." he blushed, despite himself. "I thought I proved that last night .. and I don't need a keeper. I ..."
Buck, glad to see his feisty partner and friend back after a long, strange weekend, let him roll on for a minute, watching the JD sparkle grow in the semi-outraged eyes. His amusement grew as JD talked himself into a corner, somehow back-tracking his own words and coming out the other side.
" ... and even though I want you to tell me what to do sometimes, I ..." he stopped.
And looked puzzled.
Buck chuckled a soft, warm chuckle and raised an eyebrow. "You through, kid?"
JD huffed in frustration and looked away. Buck waited.
Finally turning his head back toward the instrument of his confusion, his eyes still focused on the dying plant in the corner of the room, he sighed. He raised his gaze and silently willed the incredibly sexy man in front of him -- who five weeks ago he would've swung on if he even suggested sex -- to explain the bewildering paradox that fought for footing inside of him.
"JD, nothing that's going on here is a one way street. What gives me the right to punish you is you. Full stop."
JD made a disgusted-with-himself face, sighing again in contemplation. He raked a hand through his short, black hair and got up, tidying up the apartment in nervous motions. Buck watched him silently for a full minute, then chose to end his partner's torment, at least for the time being.
"John," he said in a deadly quiet voice.
JD stopped what he was doing and turned to him, his eyes wide. Buck was as serious as he was usually full of it, and the young agent was suddenly certain he had done something terribly wrong. Buck continued.
"We are not through, and I did not give you permission to get up. I want you on the floor at my feet, kneeling as Chris taught you, head up, eyes down."
JD eyed him defiantly for a double heartbeat, his eyes laying bare the conflict within.
"Now." Buck intoned.
There was nothing at all graceful about JD's drop, and the petulance present in his posture was something that -- later in their relationship -- would earn him a sound spanking. But for now, Buck simply continued with his discussion as if nothing had happened, save that now JD had something else to consider as his knees got sore and his eyes had nothing to look at but carpet.
"Now, kid, we're going to talk about what's truly going on here, and you're going to make a final decision by the end of the day. If you're honest with yourself you'll realize there's no decision to make, but you'll have to get through all the random nonsense your head is throwing at you right now."
JD registered that Buck's voice had become crisper, his words more pronounced, his drawl all but gone. He weighed the change and realized it was something that he expected when he was in this position, and the differences between "formal, basic and casual" suddenly began to clarify. It was a slow process, but the light bulb above his head was glowing a little brighter with Buck's explanations.
"JD? When were you happiest in your life?"
JD didn't have to think. "When my mom was alive."
Buck nodded. "And what was your relationship with your mom like? I realize we've discussed this before, but tell me again now."
JD smiled softly. "She was wonderful. We were dirt poor but mom always made sure I was happy and healthy. She'd have done anything for me."
Buck prompted, "And how did you react to that, day to day?"
JD grew more thoughtful. "I did whatever I could to make her life easier. Whatever I could to see her smile and show her I loved her. She would take me in her arms and rock me, when I was real little, and tell me how much she loved me and how happy I made her. She said I could stay outside playing all day long and never draw her another picture or clean the house ever again and she'd still love me more than all the tea in china." JD's smile became bittersweet. "It made me want to do even more, 'cause I knew I didn't have to."
"So," Buck continued quietly, "Pleasing someone is one way you show love, huh?"
JD worked the question through his mind and finally nodded. "Yes, sir ... I guess it is."
"Were you a wild child, JD?"
JD chuffed softly. "In some ways. I was always talking, always moving. Never sat down much. Sometimes I'd exhaust myself trying to do too much playing or working or studying ... that's when Mom would make me sit down and listen to her read or she'd distract me with a board game or something. Sometimes she had too much and she'd raise her voice. I would start to cry 'cuz she was mad at me and she'd hold me and tell me she only got upset because she hated watching me wear myself out like that."
"And that was a catharsis for you? You could relax after that cry, couldn't you?"
The light bulb burned brighter.
"Yeah! Yeah I could!"
Buck smiled. "Do you see what I'm offerin' now, pard?"
JD nodded, yet a shadow still crossed his face. He sighed and clenched his fingers once again his jeans.
"But, Buck ... you're not my mom and I'm a grown man. I mean, what's wrong with me that I wanna do this?"
"Get casual, partner," Buck said patting the side of his leg. JD sunk onto the floor next to Buck's leg and again laid his head against the worn-soft denim. The long fingers of the older man carded through his hair again, and JD felt himself beginning to unwind.
"Chris, when we were talking about this last night, said that you needed me to take control and I needed to wake up the part of me that would. I know what he meant in spirit and, in spirit, I agree with him. But the reality of the situation is that neither of us "needs" this to survive, or even to be happy. But we both have a basic instinct for it that will enhance a relationship I want to happen whether or not it's based on formal kink or not."
"See," Buck continued. "I believe that any way you and I come together, these roles are going to be present. I'll always be the alpha male, you'll always be the beta. You agree?"
JD nodded and murmured his agreement. He pressed against Buck's leg, seeking the solid reassurance.
"What we're doing, then, is bringing those roles to the forefront. We're accentuating them to enhance our experience with each other. We're acknowledging them with a richness and playfulness that adds another layer to our lives. You'll always, as long as you live, associate pleasing someone with love, because that's the dynamic you had with the one person in your life you've loved beyond all others. And you'll associate a measure of control, then release, with that love, also. What we're doing here is taking something that is familiar to you and making it a part of love play. Not necessary for a happy, committed relationship, but a whole hell of a lot more satisfying, because it pushes the right buttons."
Buck got quiet and continued his gentle petting of the precious man at his feet. His heart was beating a bit faster, though his steady hand and voice belied none of his unrest. He wanted this with JD more than he ever
anticipated, and the answer the young man was about to give seemed to be the one that would make or break them.
"Yeah," JD breathed contentedly. "Yeah it makes perfect sense."
Buck closed his eyes, briefly, in relief and nudged JD with his leg. "Get up here, little bit."
JD scrambled up onto Buck's lap without hesitation and curled up in his arms. The older, grateful agent held onto him securely, kissing his cheek and temple, thankful JD was worn out enough by his chaotic thinking to submit to the quiet cuddling without a fight.
The End
Next Story:
Breaking Barriers
