I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
Through the rough years of his adolescence, the dreams had been his
only comfort, the only things keeping him sane. They had started when
he was thirteen, first nothing more than shapes and faint colours,
but as the years progressed, they began to grow clearer. When Vin was
sixteen, he heard a voice in one of these dreams, and saw the
silhouette of a man thanking him;
~~"As always Mister Tanner, your timing is impeccable."~~
From then the dreams came less often, but when they did they were
much clearer and brighter. He would never really see a face, but the
voice always rang true. And it was the same voice that washed a warm
feeling through him. Occasionally, he would hear himself answering,
but more often than not, it was that smooth, calm tone that made him
feel safe.
It amazed him to realize that even when he awoke, he could still
remember most of the details of his dreams, as though they held some
kind of significance. When he was having difficulty in school, and
was being sent to the guidance office on a regular basis, the dreams
were the one thing he would never reveal. The counselors could ask
him about his foster families, or the fights, or even his trouble in
classes, and he would give them short, noncommittal answers. The
moment they even mentioned the words of sleep, dreams, or nightmares,
Vin would quickly clam up and glare at them icily. The dreams were
his alone, he might not know what they meant exactly, and might never
learn who the man was in them that could make his insides melt with a
few words, but they were the only things that were his, and he would
never give them up willingly.
Then one day they just stopped, he had turned twenty-eight, was in
the Rangers and the dreams just ceased. Vin couldn't understand it,
he tried each night to bring the images forth, to hear that beautiful
voice, but it was as though they had vanished, and for the first time
in his life, Vin felt truly alone.
Two years later found him on Team Seven, surrounded by five of the
most loyal and caring men he could have ever asked to work with. And
yet, he couldn't help but feel that empty space inside, the tiny part
that the dreams had always been able to fill. Although the images and
even the voice had begun to fade from his memory, despite how hard
Vin tried to hold onto them, he never forgot the way they made him
feel; warm, safe and surprisingly, loved.
He had been on the team for three months, and begun to really feel as
though he had a home, even if he still felt strangely incomplete. He
stared up at the sky one night before going to bed, vaguely
remembering that Chris had mentioned something about a new undercover
agent coming in. Frankly, Vin didn't care much either way. If the new
member was willing to become a part of Team Seven, then he would join
the group in welcoming him, if not, Vin would be the first to show
him the door, forcefully if needed.
Suddenly, a shooting star streaked across the ebony sky, and Vin
found himself wishing on a long ago image,
"Wherever you are, whoever you are, be safe."
Vin turned in a few minutes later, and as he had each night for the
last two years, fell into a dreamless sleep. This time though, he
could have sworn he heard that soft voice he had been missing for so
long, whisper just before he drifted off completely,
~~"With you...always."~~
It was another month before Vin experienced the first thing to make
him truly afraid since losing his mother when he was five. It hadn't
been a bust gone wrong, it hadn't been an accident; hell it hadn't
even happened while he was awake. It was the only time the dreams
returned, and the sole time that Vin cursed them with all his heart.
~~It hadn't started out so badly; in fact Vin could feel the familiar
excitement that accompanied some of his favourite images. He could
feel the heat of the sun on his back as he looked over a dusty
street, could hear the gunshots and smelled the burning powder. He
was aiming at something below, but before he could pull the trigger
on the rifle he held, the sound of someone shouting his name reached
his ears.
That was when everything changed.
Vin swerved his head, and watched in horror as a familiar figure shot
down two opponents before crumbling to its knees. Vin whispered a
curse in disbelief, before a lightening rage fell over him and
setting his sights on the last remaining outlaw, emptied his weapon
into the man's chest. Then Vin was on his feet, jumping from the roof
of the bank and running towards the still figure lying on its side,
alone in the deserted street.
He vaguely realized that his own hat was missing and that others had
come out of nowhere, surrounding the pair when he had shouted a
forgotten name, but all he could feel now was the shivering body in
his arms and the strange sense of loss encasing his chest.
He heard himself whispering; begging this person to stay and not to
let go, but even in unconsciousness, Vin knew what the outcome would
be.
He felt a cool hand touch his cheek and soft gasping words float
towards him, "We shall…meet again…friend…promise you.." Then the body
went limp and a scream tore from Vin's lips.~~
He awoke with a start, sitting upright in bed, the sheets tangled
around his legs and beads of sweat running down his bare chest. His
heart was beating far too fast, and he took a few deep breaths,
hoping to calm himself. Reaching up, he passed a hand over his face,
unsurprised to feel tears adorning his tanned cheeks. This dream, no,
nightmare, had felt so real, so believable, and he shuddered as he
realized that it had been his mystery man that had lain dying in his
arms.
Vin left the bed, knowing he would get no more sleep tonight, and
probably none for a few nights to come. As he gazed out the small
window of his bedroom, Vin realized that he would be unable to rest
well until the haunting image of the light slowly dimming in a pair
of beautiful emerald eyes, burned away from his memory.
+ + + + + + +
It was exactly two weeks later that Chris announced the new member of
Team Seven would be arriving that very day, and the rest of the crew
met in the conference room to welcome him. As Vin surveyed his
friends sitting comfortably, doing what they could to pass the time
before the former FBI agent decided to make his appearance, he could
not help but feel an odd sense of pleasant nervousness. He wasn't
sure why, but his gut was telling him something important was going
to happen today, and Vin had learned long ago to trust his instincts,
they were one of the reasons he had survived for as long as he had.
Suddenly, the door opened and he saw Chris get to his feet, the
infamous Larabee glare already in place. Vin chuckled slightly as he
pushed himself off of the wall he had been leaning against. Chris
hated to be kept waiting and this undercover agent had been over an
hour late. Over the threshold stepped a man, not much older than Vin
himself, though the similarities seemed to end there. Tanner was
tall, lean, and at the moment, dressed in comfortable jeans and a
long-sleeved shirt, his wavy brown locks just barely touching his
shoulders. The newcomer was slightly shorter, though as he shifted
his slim figure to survey the other occupants of the room, Vin
noticed how surely the body moved, and had a feeling this man kept
himself in shape. He was dressed in a designer three-piece suit,
which Vin was positive would have probably cost him double his own
paycheck, and the short chestnut hair fell slightly over the smooth
brow.
Vin watched, amused, as the agent quickly measured up each of his new
teammates, seemingly ignoring the scathing look that Larabee was
sending his way. Finally, the man looked up to meet his gaze and Vin
felt his breath catch in his throat.
Even before the other man spoke, Vin knew what his voice would sound
like, could already hear the honeyed Southern tones that would
articulate his name perfectly, and could imagine half of the five-
dollar words that would no doubt be used to explain his late arrival.
Vin knew all of this within the span of a second, because that was
exactly how long it took him to recognize the sparkling green eyes
from his dreams.
Maybe it's intuition
but some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I found my best friend
+ + + + + + +
Ezra Standish was not exactly having the easiest time fitting in with
the rest of Team Seven. The man's experiences of betrayal and
mistrust in Atlanta had left him jaded to friendship and camaraderie.
Yet, despite the aloof air and cold attitude the undercover agent
tried to emanate, Vin was determined to keep on eye on him. He wasn't
exactly sure how he could tell Ezra had been the same person from his
long-ago dreams, since he had never seen a face, but those eyes;
those emerald irises had been identical. It had frightened Tanner to
think of the implications of the last images he had witnessed, but he
was hell-bent to make sure they did not become a reality. So when
Ezra met up with him in a secluded cafe before they were to take down
a gun dealer, one whose organization Standish had spent weeks
infiltrating, Vin was frightened at the dread that coursed through
his veins. He leaned over the table and grasped Ezra's wrist
slightly, noticing the surprise in the Southerner's face at the
unexpected physical contact.
"I got a bad feelin' bout this Ez. Ya sure yer gonna be alright?"
Vin's grip on the Southerner's wrist increased, squeezing gently,
when the man did not answer immediately. Standish raised an eyebrow,
carefully extracting his arm from Tanner's grip. The smart remark he
was about to unleash died on his lips as he witnessed the intense
look of concern and worry flickering in his teammate's cobalt eyes. A
strange feeling fluttered through his stomach. No one had ever taken
the time to wonder at his safety, not even his own mother. Ever since
he had joined this unique ATF team however, he had noticed Vin's
discreet furrowed glances whenever Ezra suggested something anyone
else would consider foolhardy. It wasn't that he was trying to get
the glory, he just wanted to do his job the best he could, and
sometimes that meant taking chances others would or could not take.
Had it been anyone else, Standish would have resented the unneeded
sheltering, but for some reason, coming from Vin, in his quiet and
unobtrusive manner, he welcomed the protection, it felt comforting,
it felt familiar and most of all, it felt…right.
Ezra placed a hand on Vin's shoulder and squeezed lightly. He spoke
softly and reassuringly, his eyes conveying his gratitude at Tanner's
concern.
"With you watching my back? Always."
As Vin watched him walk away, no doubt going to prepare for the meet
that was taking place in a few hours, the only thing the Texan could
think of was what his friend had just said. There were a few extra
words and the question he had asked hadn't exactly been the same, but
the tone and the confidence were identical. Tanner felt his heart
slam, nearly painfully, against his chest at the realization that he
had not imagined the same voice whispering to him so many months
before,
~~"With you…always."~~
+ + + + + + +
"No, No, NO!!!" Vin shouted, already running across the warehouse,
bullets flaying. He should have listened to his gut earlier, should
have demanded Chris pull Ezra before this doomed bust took place.
Hell, he should have grabbed Standish himself and locked him in the
office, while he and the others took care of taking down the bad
guys. Why hadn't he known that there was a leak in the system? Why
hadn't he realized that Ezra's life was on the line? Damn it all.
Vin was having his nightmare again, only he was awake and this was
real life. Ezra was in danger. He could hear shots whizzing past his
ears, could hear someone screaming for him to get the hell down, but
he ignored them all, his sights were concentrated on the well dressed
figure staring down two thugs. The familiar scene sent another shot
of fear through him, and Vin increased his speed. For a moment, the
Armani suit was replaced with crimson, nineteenth century tailcoat
and it wasn't a warehouse Vin was tearing through, but a dust-ridden,
empty street. That time, Vin understood, he had been too late. He
would not make the same mistake today.
"EZRA!"
Vin' shout caused the Southerner to turn in his direction to such a
degree that the shot Thug #2 aimed for his heart, hit him in the
right shoulder instead. Ezra jerked back slightly and fell to his
knees. Eyes narrowing, and without slowing down, Vin raised his gun.
The two former bodyguards were dead on their backs before they even
realized what had happened, each sporting a mortal hole through the
chest. Vin holstered his gun and slid to his own knees, catching Ezra
before the smaller man pitched forward.
Heedless of the people around him, Vin clutched the body to his
chest; smoothing back the chestnut locks and cursed the familiar
situation he found himself in. It should not have come to this, he
should have been faster, he should not have let it happen this
way...not again.
"Don't you do this to me, Ezra P. Standish, don't you fuckin' dare do
this to me again."
Vin smiled in relief as the emerald eyes fluttered open slightly, and
a confused statement fell on Ezra's pale face.
"Whatever are you talking about Mister Tanner? And how on earth do
you know my full name? I do not believe I ever disclosed that small
tidbit of information to anyone."
Vin was gladdened to hear that Standish's voice was even, if not a
little strained. The wound didn't look too bad, but Vin was not going
to take any chances. He raised his head and noticed the others
rounding up the remaining gunrunners. His voice carried through the
quieting warehouse as he bellowed for Nathan. The EMT pushed the
handcuffed suspect he held in Josiah's direction and hurried towards
Vin and Ezra.
Standish placed a hand on Vin's chest, causing the Texan to look at
him and repeated his question. "What were you talking about Vin? What
was I not to do again?"
Ezra gasped quietly as Vin's gaze clouded over in sadness and a small
tear escaped the sky-blue eyes. Standish didn't even realize when he
had reached up to wipe away that small droplet of grief.
"Vin?" He asked quietly again.
Tanner turned his head to kiss Ezra's palm and the Southerner felt a
shiver run through him. Ezra didn't remove his hand though; instead
he softly stroked Vin's cheek, wishing to give the other man comfort
any way he could. Vin leaned into the touch and spoke softly,
"God Ezra, ya scared me, ya scared me real good." Vin's voice was
hardly above a whisper, but Ezra could still hear the anxiousness
that laced through the words as Tanner held him closer, ever mindful
of his shoulder. "I don't think I could've handled it iffen
you'd...iffen you hadn't turned when ya did...Damn it Ez, I couldn't
have handled that again."
"Again?" Standish questioned quietly once more, not quite
comprehending. But as Vin's gaze met his own, as Ezra saw the shields
drop behind those cerulean orbs, and recognized the look that was
directed towards him, Ezra finally understood. With a gasp, he
remembered an identical look, only then there had been despair mixed
in with the worry, now though there was only relief...and hope. And
suddenly, everything made sense.
The concern Vin had always shown him, the smiles the sharpshooter had
sent his way, and how the other man always saw something good in him,
these had continually felt strangely familiar. And the reason why
Ezra had had such an easy time accepting them from Tanner, was
because they were not new to him. In fact, they had also occurred
another lifetime ago, though then, neither man fully realized what
had been happening between them. Now, with a second chance bestowed
upon them, both Ezra and Vin realized the wonderful gift they had
been given and as Ezra brought his other hand up to cup Vin's face,
he whispered solemnly,
"I made a promise to you once, Vin Tanner, and by all means, I intend
to keep it."
Nathan reached them before they could say anything more, but before
Vin was hustled away to let Jackson do his job, Ezra squeezed his
hand gently and Vin understood what the green eyes were trying to
tell him,
They would do it right this time. This time, they would not waste
even one precious second.
Vin squeezed the hand in return, and communicated his own message.
Damn straight, Standish.
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
+ + + + + + +
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
"What are you thinking about?" Vin felt a smooth arm wrap around his
waist and he smiled, leaning his head against Ezra's shoulder.
"Life. Fate. Destiny." Tanner drawled quietly, resting his own hand
on the small of Standish's back. The two were standing outside of
Chris' ranch, looking up at the stars. The team had been celebrating
JD's twenty-fourth birthday, and during a lull in the festivities,
Vin slipped outside, needing to take a breath of fresh air. He knew
Ezra would follow him eventually, though not before giving him some
space first.
"Deep thoughts. Any particular reason why?" Ezra tried to hide his
worry in the light manner of his voice, but Vin heard it anyway and
smiled at the concern. Tanner thought on the question for a moment,
letting the circles Ezra rubbed onto his lower back soothe him.
"Just wonderin' how I got so lucky." Vin turned his head, and Ezra
tapped his nose playfully.
"How we got so lucky," the Southerner admonished playfully. "If I do
recall correctly, I too am benefiting from this relationship."
Vin smiled and leaned down for a soft kiss, which Ezra gladly
returned. He pulled back slightly and rested his forehead against his
lover's and voiced a question he had been pondering about for some
time aloud,
"Ya ever think on it much? I mean, our time back then?"
Ezra turned so that he could rest both hands on Vin's waist and
weighed his answer carefully, "Well, as you know I do not remember
much. In fact, nothing more than a few fleeting moments, and
thankfully not much of that last day." Standish visibly shuddered and
Vin wrapped his arms more tightly around him, suddenly kicking
himself for bringing the subject up. He should have realized that
Ezra wouldn't want to be reminded of how that fateful day turned out.
"I'm sorry Ez, forget I said anythin."
Ezra took a deep breath and raised his head, lightly pecking Vin on
the cheek, "No harm done. It's just a little, unnerving at times,
that's all. What about you? Does it ever cross your mind?"
"Sometimes, but like ya said, ain't much to remember. There are some
images I can see, but nuthin' solid. And 'sides I prefer to live in
the here and now." The smile Ezra flashed at him then was so
beautifully honest and open that Vin felt himself falling for the man
all over again.
They shared another tender kiss, before they heard Buck shouting at
them to stop acting like a couple of teenagers and to get their butts
into the house before JD ate all the cake.
Ezra chuckled at JD's indignant, and very loud, response. He twisted
out of Vin's arms, and holding onto one of the sharpshooter's hands
began leading them both inside. He stopped when he did not feel the
other man move. "Vin?" He questioned turning, noting the serious look
in his lover's eyes. "Vin? What is it?"
"Promise me you'll never leave me again Ez? Promise me that whatever
the hell I saw in them dreams never, ever comes true?" Ezra's heart
broke at the near-pleading note in Vin's voice and he pulled the
Texan to him, running a hand soothingly through his hair.
"I promise to stay with you physically as long as I can Vin, but we
are both mortal, and considering the dangers of our job, I would hate
to make a promise I could not keep."
Vin opened his mouth to protest, but Ezra silenced him with a finger
to his lips. "Shh love. Let me finish. Even if for some reason I
shall have to leave you unwillingly, know that I will forever be in
your heart, as long as you want me to reside therein. That way, you
will never be able to get rid of me." Ezra touched Vin's chest,
indicating the spot where he would be, whenever the Texan needed him.
"Forever Ezra. I'll want you with me forever."
"And I, you Vin.
Their oaths were sealed in the touch of their lips, witnessed only by
the stars and moon.
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
The End
