I ain't proud of what I have done.
But it needed to be done, and when faith played right into my hands, so to speak, I couldn't refuse.
I've never told anyone about this, but I've been comtemplating leaving this town for some time now...only thing stopping me was that I would have to leave something I've come to like a lot, behind. So I stuck around and bided my time, being the brighteyed, naive kid they all seem to think of me as. And I waited. Yeah, that would surprise them too, I guess. I can be real patient when I make my plans. Can't blame them though, when I actually never let on the real truth about myself. It's more fun just to step back and let them draw their own conclusions. I can be a very good actor when I want to. Most people usually knock some years off my age when they're guessing, and it's not hard to play up to their beliefs. It's just easier that way. Most of them don't think I oughta be away from my mother's skirts anyhow. Well, mother dearest is far back East, having no idea what her darling youngest is up to. Probably for the best, folks around here think she is dead, might spook them a little to see the dead rising. Well, sort of dead, anyway.
So here I am, a law man at that, out here in the middle of the great nowhere. Wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I came West. But certain...circumstances back home, made a hasty departure necessary.
Another thing I didn't expect to run into was my fellow law men. Don't rightly know what got into me when I followed them. But now I'm glad I did. The reason for that is curled up on the bed behind me, still sleeping in the first early hours of the morning. I have taken to the window for now, letting the chilly air cool my body. Raking a hand through my hair, I sigh, leaning against the window post. No one's out this early, no one to see me standing in the frame of this particular window.
Stretching a little, I let the curtains fall back again. They are thin enough to let some of the greyish light slip through. The light illuminates its way across the wooden floor until it reaches the bed. Ah yes, the bed... Holding the one thing I can't leave behind here.
He truly looks like an angel while sleeping. The auburn hair falls halfway over his face, he's been talking about getting a hair cut but I'll see to that he doesn't. I like it this way, impossibly soft to brush your fingers through and more than long enough to sift the strands between your fingers and grab them in a fist.
Pulling slightly on a curving lock makes him mutter something in his sleep and shift a little. Letting go of his hair I proceed to let my fingers trace circles on the back of his bare shoulder, straying to the back of his neck. A fingertip slides down his upper arm, following the limb all the way to his hand. He's got the most beautiful hands I've ever seen on a man. Small and elegant.
Going back up his arm again, I frown. He's not been eating much lately, he gets that way when he's got a lot on his mind. And it's starting to show.
Wasn't all that much of him to start with either, he's barely a few inches taller than me. I easily outweigh him, especially now.
When the whole deal with that hired killer Stutz went down, I kept to the back. The time wasn't right then. If I had convinced him to come with me then, we'd forever be looking over our shoulders. And I'd never know if his heart was really with me, or if he'd left some piece of it behind. And I am not satisfied unless I have all of it. All of him.
They really went out of their way to make it easy for me though. They didn't mean to, of course. But with the material I had to work with, I only had to administer a few carefully selected words driving my angel right to where he belongs. Which is in my arms.
I didn't even have to worry about Josiah. He hardly dares to come near us now. He took one look into those big green eyes and saw the hurt there, and looked like he was physically sick. It's going to take a lot to repair the trust and friendship between them, something I aim to see never happens. Buck was an easy one too, he was much too occupied with that red headed, little bitch of his. Oh I can just picture it now, if Chris ever gets around to do something about the way Mary's looking at him. Those Sunday afternoon teas would be one entertaining display. The both of them would be more than busy making sure their women won't kill each other. And then again, maybe that would prove to be good for them. Maybe they'd finally see what's been waiting right in front of their stubborn noses. Right now, lying next to my sleeping lover, feeling at ease and good will with the whole world, I think I should do something about that, give them a little push on the way. We'll see how I feel about it later.
Chris isn't going to be causing me any trouble either. After all my baby saved his dear Mary, taking the shot that was intended for her. Even I have been finding myself regarding the certain lady with fondness. Normally I couldn't give a damn whether she went and got herself shot or not, but this specific bullet not finding her landed this opportunity right in my lap. And gives Chris the most beautiful guilty feelings which our leader has no idea how to even begin to deal with.
Nathan's also an easy one. He's always had his doubts, his precious morals and ethics making him the conceited bastard he is. Hmm, maybe that was a bit rude...nah, don't think so.
And then there is Vin... Now that is someone I feel that I am going to have to actually work on. He keeps sending me these looks, and all of a sudden he's always...around... Somebody ought to explain the meaning of the word 'loner' for the man, after all he's supposed to be one. Or maybe he's just plain stupid enough to not know when his company isn't needed, or wanted.
Contemplating the ceiling in the room we'll soon both have seen the last of, I let my mind wander. I should have dealt with this problem long ago. Luckily I know a few people here and there, who can handle it for me. A bounty on a man's head, earned or not, can be quite the handy thing at times. It won't be any trouble at all. And should they ever make the connection back to me... Well, then I won't be here anymore. Young JD Dunne will have vanished completely, taking one Ezra P. Standish with him. And, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn about what conclusions they may draw from that.
A small sound next to me pulls me back to the here and now. My name's being whispered in a sleepy, silky accent that sets my blood on fire, as always. A hand is searching for me, his eyes have yet to open, times like this I'm not really sure if he's awake or still sleeping; needing to check if I'm still here.
"Hush, sweetheart," I murmur, taking his hand in mine. "I'm right here..." And like a kitten he crawls closer, ending up nearly on top of me, his head rested against my chest. Folding my arms around him I can't help but grin. All good things come to those who wait...
Well, what do ya know... Sometimes you just have to help things forward a little...
The End
