Saved by Strength

JD shook his head, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t understand it. Didn’t know why he was reacting this way. Heck it was just a broken date. She even had a good reason and he’d only been out with her twice So why was he bawling like the baby Buck always accused him of being? He’d sure hurt worse than this before. Geez, he’d lost friends in the field, for Lord’s sake. Why couldn’t he keep his eyes dry?

Despite what Team 7 believed, he had lived his life on the edge more than once, and he’d felt the pain of it when things went bad. Always, before, he’d seen it as an adventure, and come out of it excited about adding to his life experience. But, for some reason, for the last few weeks, he just couldn’t seem to keep it together.

Swiping his hand across his eyes, he struggled to get his emotions under control. Thank God he got the call at home instead of at the office. The guys meant well, but their mother-henning, combined with their constant teasing, would have a deleterious affect on his mood right now.

He heard Buck’s key in the door and quickly turned, heading for his room. He didn’t even want to face his best friend, wondering again at the complete turn around from his usual sunny self to this self-pitying little crybaby. The loathing he was beginning to feel was growing by leaps and bounds, and he knew he was going to have to figure out his problem pretty quick or end up in more trouble than he wanted.

+ + + + + + +

Buck made a call, showered and had just finished paying the pizza delivery guy when it dawned on him that JD hadn’t come running at the scent of pepperoni. Laying the hot box down on the breakfast bar as he passed, he went to JD’s room and banged on the door.

"Hey brat, pizza’s here."

JD’s voice was muffled through the thick wood, and what sounded like a cuddled pillow. Buck’s brow drew together.

"Not hungry, Buck, and before you ask, I’m fine. Just tired. Save me some, huh?"

Buck continued frowning for a moment at the sleep-muzzled tone, but finally decided to take JD’s word without a fight. He’d never known JD to lie to him. Shrugging he grinned and tossed out over his shoulder as he turned back toward the living room, "Yeah, right. Save some." He snorted a laugh and went to lay claim to the still-steaming, thick-crusted, pepperoni- smothered bit of heaven.

JD sighed in relief and turned his head back into the pillow, trying to get a handle on the emotions churning through him. Tonight it was lassitude, last night it had been a haunting restlessness he’d never experienced before. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, wondering what tomorrow would bring. Finally, blessedly, he drifted into an uncomfortable sleep.

+ + + + + + +

Another week passed and JD barely kept the growing storm inside him from the others. Knowing as the days progressed that Chris was watching him more and more closely, he held on tighter than ever, often having to remind himself to stop clenching his teeth and to relax his shoulders. The restlessness came and went, with spurts of wet eyes and knotted stomach to offset it.

Chris let it go as long as it could, knowing the youngest member of his team was fighting something he wasn’t ready to share. They had had some time at first, the dark-clad leader figured. Office hours and paperwork had been in the cards for the past week, barring a national emergency, but he wasn’t going to let the usually smiling young man sulk silently anymore. Anything that could cause the strain he saw around the eyes of the Team Sunshine would definitely interfere with their next case, and he wasn’t about to allow distractions to put the usually eager man in danger.

"JD! My office." Chris called out more gently than usual, leaving his door slightly ajar as he disappeared back inside his domain.

JD raised his eyes and looked around at the other men. Buck stopped laughing at another one of his dumb inside jokes and looked at JD questioningly, raising an eyebrow. JD shrugged, swallowed hard and got up. Walking to Chris’s office, he avoided the eyes of the others, hoping they didn’t see the dread in his own.

Josiah glanced at Nathan, who rose both eyebrows in silent sympathy for JD. Being called into Chris’s office was never a comfortable thing. Wasn’t necessarily bad, but it was never comfortable.

Vin, perched on a corner of Ezra’s desk, watched JD walk into their leader’s door and heard the familiar voice mutter something before JD closed it behind him. He looked at Ezra and said quietly, "It’s about time." Ezra nodded solemnly, hoping that Chris was going to get to whatever was behind JD’s demons. He looked around at the other men in the room, proud of them for their restraint in the last week. They had all noticed, but instead of hovering, had decided to give JD his space. It was only today that they had all begun to believe they might have made a mistake. Chris only confirmed it by his decision to confront the young turk.

Chris watched JD enter his office from under lowered eyelashes. He missed nothing, cataloging the deep swallow, the tensed fists and the shoulders impossibly hunched. He indicated the chair in front of his desk with a single nod, remaining still until JD was as settled as he was going to be in the comfortable leather chair.

His soft voice was even quieter than usual, yet still managed to fill the room. "What’s going on, JD?"

JD couldn’t look at him, instead picking up a paperweight from the older man’s desk to give his clenched fists something to do. Plastering a fake, too-wide smile on his face, he tried one more time to keep up appearances. "N..nothing, Chris. I’ve just had something on my mind, that’s all."

Chris watched him for another moment, then rose and walked around the desk. Standing in front of the dark haired young man, he took the crystal weight from his fidgeting hands and leaned over, his palms braced on the arms of the chair that held the nervous agent.

Very quietly, in a voice that brooked no argument, Chris breathed the words into JD’s consciousness while capturing the younger man’s impossibly brown eyes with his own. "Let’s try this again, young man. What. Is. Wrong?"

Though he managed to maintain his cool, detached demeanor, Chris was damn near actually startled by the shudder that ran through JD’s body as he completed the words "young man." Narrowing his eyes, he watched JD’s lids slide closed as a single tear fell down his cheek.

"I... I don’t know. I don’t know, Chris." JD’s voice broke as his humiliation grew in the face of his inability to control his tears. He respected the man in front of him, and he couldn’t stand the unrest and confusion that was now destroying him. He was certain this ridiculous display of silliness had just confirmed the Team Leader’s estimation of his worthlessness. First he was just "a kid", now he’s the crybaby kid. The downward spiral his self-esteem had been taking for days completed it’s kamikaze spin and landed rock bottom.

"Mr. Larabee, I resign."

There was silence for a moment before Chris pushed off the arms of the chair and walked around behind his desk. He pulled out a packet of papers from the center drawer and threw them on the desk in front of the distraught young man.

"Fine, Mr. Dunne. Fill out the top form, if ya will, for your last paycheck. Be sure to keep the rest of that paperwork until ya get it, and your benefits information."

JD squeezed his eyes tighter as the flow of teardrops increased tenfold. He knew that Chris must be relieved that he was finally going to be rid of him. He flinched as the harshness of the blonde’s voice broke through his self-reverie once again.

"There’s one condition to my acceptance of your resignation, Mr. Dunne."

JD kept his eyes closed, taking a deep breath in an attempt to keep his voice from shaking. "W..what’s that, Mr. Larabee?"

"That you come by the ranch tonight with that form, and an explanation."

"C..C...Chris I ...."

"Take it or leave it, Mr. Dunne. If you aren’t willing to fulfill my requirement I’ll just have to report you AWOL until you do."

Squeezing his eyes tighter together, JD nodded resignedly. Chris said nothing, waiting until JD looked up at him. He indicated the door that led to his private bath with a jerk of his head, his eyes glittering a hard green. "Get cleaned up and stay in there till you do. I don’t want the others seeing you like this."

JD nodded again, miserably, and followed the instructions. He broke down just as the bathroom door closed behind him, muffling his sobs with a towel.

Chris closed his eyes, his jaw clenched against the emotions he was feeling as he watched the usually happy man slink into the bathroom like a whipped pup. He thought about what he needed to prepare for the evening, and grabbed his jacket before stalking out of his office. Only one warning look was necessary to keep the others in the room from asking probing questions.

Five members of Team Seven returned to their paperwork with concerned eyes and heavy hearts. All somehow instinctually knew there was nothing they could do to help, and prayed there was some way that Chris could.

+ + + + + + +

JD walked out of Chris’s office and straight to his desk. Not meeting the eyes of anyone, he began gathering his things. Buck stood up, starting to speak, but stopped as Nathan’s hand gently grasped his wrist, restraining him. JD finished quickly, almost running out of the office. Buck swore hotly and shook off Nathan’s grip, starting toward the door.

Ezra’s soft, cultured southern accent washed over his raw nerves and stopped him. "Mr. Wilmington, our healer is right. This is neither the place, nor the time, to confront Mr. Dunne about his demons. If I am not mistaken, our leader has something in mind to facilitate a catharsis in our young friend. Perhaps, this once, we should allow him take the lead."

Buck slapped his palm against the doorframe, dropping his head. Making his decision, he stalked back to his desk, dropping heavily into his chair and picking up a handgrip. Working the muscle-building tool with his shooting fingers, he ground his teeth as his protective instincts threatened to overwhelm him. Damn but he loved that boy like his little brother. If someone was hurting him, there’d be hell to pay.

+ + + + + + +

JD didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to have this conversation, this confrontation; but he respected their leader too much to say no refuse to cooperate. Chris’ threat that he’d report him AWOL had little to do with JD’s response. He didn’t really care, sure that he’d be so completely out of law enforcement that his previous performance wouldn’t matter. He wasn’t fit to be an agent.

The restlessness was back. That feeling that nothing was right, would never be right again. He jumped out of his vehicle and walked to the front door of Chris’ ranch house. His fists clenched and unclenched, his jaw keeping rhythm. He was used to energy, but this insidious frisson of unrest that bit at his spine had him frighteningly on edge. Not for the first time, he feared that this meeting would end very, very badly.

He slammed his knuckles against the door three, evenly spaced times. The familiar, "Come." was short and spoke volumes about his boss’ mood.

Stepping into the foyer, he looked with a small amount of confusion at the sight that greeted him. The unrest grew, and an involuntary shake of his head revealed his discomfort.

+ + + + + + +

The room was lit completely with candles and the light from a crackling fire. Chris’ face was continually falling in and out of highlights and shadows from the hotly burning flames. He sat in his large leather wingback, black suede pants clinging to his long, lean form. One hand held a brandy snifter, the other stroked one of his magnificent dogs. His eyes smoldered, set off by the billowy silk shirt. JD blinked, realizing it was the white shirt that looked so strange to him. He could count on one hand how many times he had seen Chris in something other than black.

Suddenly desire slammed into the pit of the young man’s stomach, damn near bringing him to his knees. He shook his head purposely, this time, trying to catalog and fight his emotions at the same time. Desire? For a man? For Chris!? With the confusion already muddling his mind, he went into overload and barely caught a soft moan that threatened to issue from his lips just before it slipped out into the fire lit room. He’d never wanted a man before.

"Come here, John."

The soft, commanding voice of the leader he had learned to obey without thought (to do any less in the field was suicide) reached into the haze of his tangled emotions and began his feet moving without conscious effort.

+ + + + + + +

Chris’ eyes narrowed as he watched the shudder run through JD’s well- built body. Still gauging whether or not his instincts had been right about the young man, he watched for specific signs of stress and filed them away for future reference. The next few minutes would be critical in determining whether or not his plans for the evening were appropriate.

He swirled his brandy in his glass as he watched the young man approach slowly. Keeping his voice low, stroking the younger man with his tone, he asked him the question he knew JD dreaded. "Why did ya resign?"

He watched as the confusion played over JD’s expressive features. Everything the kid thought, everything he felt, rippled across his face for the world to see. Looking for signs of panic, he waited.

Swallowing against the lump within his throat that threatened to mute him, squeezing his eyes closed against the tears, JD voiced his humiliation to this man who was hero to him.

"I’m no good, Mr. Larabee."

Chris interrupted him harshly, barking -- though still quiet -- "Chris!"

Starting, JD sucked in his breath and forced himself to say it again. "I’m no good, C...Chris. I don’t know what I ever thought I was doing, trying to be a member of the Team."

Chris nodded to himself, his decision made. Stretching his legs out in front of him, he crossed his ankles and focused his eyes on the brandy snifter as the glowing liquid swirled in the firelight.

Softly, his voice husky, he began his assault. "So, ya must not think much of my decision making skills."

Astonishment passed over JD’s features and he hurried to disagree. "N...n..no! I think you..."

Raising his tone only a decibel, he interrupted the increasingly agitated young man, subtlety changing his usual drawl to a crisper, more deliberate diction. "Obviously you don’t, John. I chose you for Team 7. If you’re not good enough, then I have clearly made an error in judgement. Do you believe my judgement is flawed, John?"

Shaking his head viciously, tears slipping from his eyes, JD fought the growing panic that threatened to take his confusion into a complete loss of control. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t even trust himself to explain. He stood there and -- to his horror -- heard a whimper escape from his throat.

Chris smiled a very small, very ironic smile and stood up, long legs bringing him quickly to stand before the shaking man. Slipping one hand in his pocket, he briefly wiped away a tear from JD’s face with the knuckles of the other, before chuckling -- seemingly at the poor young man’s distress.

JD trembled, now just flat out frightened. He’d never been on this end of Chris’ alter ego and he wasn’t sure he was going to make it through the encounter. The voice emanating from the powerful figure in front of him had never sounded so strong, yet had never been so soft. It held danger, and was so compelling it would have pierced the veil of the deepest coma to draw the sleeper from near death simply to hear the next word. JD shuddered once more, lost as feelings he’d never experienced threatened to completely overwhelm him.

Chris, taking a single step forward on boot encased feet, stood within a literal hairsbreadth of the quivering man.

"John? Do you trust me?"

His confusion cleared for a moment, the truth of his answer as automatic and deeply seated as his own name. He raised his eyes, momentarily focused, as he quickly and without reservation answered his mentor. "Yes, Chris."

Chris smiled a dangerous smile, indicating to JD that he was pleased.

"Tonight, Little Man, you will learn and feel things you have never felt before. You will be frightened, tested and -- at times -- horrified. It will not work if at any time you lose sight of that trust. Do you understand."

"Y...y..yes, Chris." His voice broke, but -- because it was Chris Larabee -- for the first time in weeks he felt the smallest twinge of hope.

"Are you willing to obey me without question?"

"Y...yes."

Chris moved his head in a single nod. "Take off your clothes."

JD jerked in shock, his level of confusion finally overflowing until action was impossible. Suddenly Chris grabbed a handful of the younger man’s silky dark hair, pulling his head back gently but firmly.

"Now, John."

Releasing him quickly, he stepped back and walked to his chair. Settling himself comfortably he crossed his ankle over his knee and took a sip of brandy, watching the more-boy-than-man (at the moment) quake with fear.

Trembling fingers raised to the buttons of his shirt as JD realized his boss had given him an order, no matter how strange it seemed. He squeezed his eyes shut yet again against more tears, until the quiet, deadly voice issued its next command.

"Look at me, John."

Despite his turmoil, a shiver of something akin to pleasure went through him, causing the hair on the back of his neck to raise at the sound of the voice that he trusted like no other.

He slowly raised his eyes, gasping at the heat the older man was now letting him see.

+ + + + + + +

Chris, though completely in control of himself and his emotions, began to enjoy his role, as he always did on the very rare occasions he allowed himself to tap into this side of himself.

The boy in front of him was dear, and was lost. The teasing of the other Team members, coupled with the bust that had gone wrong several months ago, had finally bitten through the young man’s enthusiasm and love of life. He’d known it was coming. He just hadn’t known exactly when the delayed shock of his first kill would hit this tender young soul.

He carefully kept the gentleness he felt toward JD from his eyes, knowing that sympathy and sweetness were not at all what the boy needed. Not from him. Not now. Later he would cuddle him, reassure him, bring him down into the reality that was still JD. But now he had to be the badass. He grinned inside himself. "Might as well enjoy it," his thoughts whispered.

+ + + + + + +

JD slid his shirt slowly off of his shoulders, laying it carefully on the chair next to him. He toed off his shoes and quickly removed his socks. He shuddered again as a chill overtook him. He hesitated and lowered his eyes.

"John?"

The voice was cold, distant, slightly impatient. JD raised his eyes to the icy green gaze, his face flushed and hot.

"Do you need some help with your trousers? I’m more than happy to assist, but you wouldn’t like the result."

JD tipped back his head, clenching his eyes closed and swallowing hard. He reached for the button on his pants, only to jump in shock as the man before him raised his voice for the first time.

"Look. At. Me." Raised, yet so controlled.

JD forced his eyes to Chris, so confused, so frightened... As they locked eyes, he saw his mentor’s gaze change, offering him the smallest amount of reassurance. "Good boy," the blonde whispered.

Suddenly JD’s body was filled with electric excitement. The praise filled him with untotaled, unexplainable amounts of pleasure. He shuddered yet again, and quickly finished stripping off the dress slacks he had worn for the meeting. He stood there, looking fresh and beautiful, in a pair of brown and gold silk boxers.

Chris’ eyes hardened again as JD ceased his efforts. Raising his eyebrows, he looked pointedly at the shorts, glaring as JD instinctually fought against hiding his reaction to this strange game with his hands.

JD tried to speak, opening his mouth only to have to lick his lips to be able to utter his fears aloud. His voice still shaking, he closed his eyes yet again, but this time for only a moment before asking the question that would lead this beyond anything he had ever experienced.

"A..all of ...?"

"Shut up, Little Man. You don’t speak unless you are spoken to, or unless I give you permission. Do you understand?"

"Y...y...yes, Chris."

"Now strip."

Knowing it was now or never, JD quickly slipped out of the final covering, dropping the shorts on the shirt and pants draped over the chair. He dropped his head and allowed another whimper to escape from his tongue- laved lips.

Chris chose to let the boy have the comfort of lowered eyes for the moment. He watched the body harden involuntarily at the situation that JD found himself in. He knew the reaction was killing the young man, but part of his plan was to destroy what little remainder of the fragile JD was left, reaching the core of the strong, capable man beneath. It would take some time, but JD had already proven this was the right course of action by his trust and compliance. He gentled his voice for the next command, wondering how difficult it was going to be for the spirited man to obey. His eyes still hard, he made certain his voice held the smallest bit of the love he felt for JD before speaking.

"Kneel. Knees at shoulder width, back straight, chin up, the palms of your hands face down on your thighs. When I tell you to kneel, Mr. Dunne, this is the position you will take each time."

JD took a deep breath and dropped gracefully to his knees. Squaring his shoulders, he took the position Chris demanded of him, raising his chin yet keeping his eyes lowered.

Chris rose and moved close to the young stud, walking around him. He tapped his boot against JD’s left thigh.

"Wider."

JD shuddered, but carried through. He was suddenly horrified as his rock hard cock jumped to life, jutting before him. New tears suddenly streamed from his face like water from a fountain as he realized how low he was in his former Leader’s estimation.

Chris crouched before the crying bundle of nerves and gently raised his chin with a finger beneath. He allowed warmth to flood his eyes as JD struggled to see him through his tears.

Chris breathed his next words so softly JD wasn’t sure whether or not he imagined them.

"So beautiful."

JD shuddered beneath the stroke of the words, Chris kept his voice barely audible, making JD strain to hear them.

"You are, Little Man. Beautiful. People are constantly talking about Buck’s sex appeal and Vin’s good looks. But you, my young partner, are flat out beautiful. Do you know why?"

JD’s eyes widened at his mentor’s words and, barely moving, shook his head in the negative. He was so shocked at the turn of events this night that he wasn’t sure he’d remember it, but suddenly he hungered for Chris’ next statement.

Chris ran his thumb gently over the young man’s lips, just as JD slid his tongue out to moisten them. The taste of the older man’s flesh sent a fresh shudder through him and his face flushed even deeper as he felt the first drops of the evidence of his excitement gather on the tip of his cock.

"Because, Little Bit, life shines through your eyes. Joy abounds within you, and that makes you simply beautiful."

JD blinked, seeing the sincerity in the green eyes before him. Pictures of his life, and his reaction to it, flashed through his mind in a split second, and a trace amount of understanding began to coalesce within him.

Chris watched him closely, mentally nodding as he saw the calming begin. But, like a muscle, calm gets stronger when challenged in a man like JD. He stood.

"Stand up, John."

JD did as he was told, no thought of questioning the man before him. Awkwardly, he stood with his hands to his sides.

Chris moved around behind him and stepped up to brush the silk of his shirt against JD’s back. The strong, young flesh quivered as the heat emanating from his leader reached his bare skin. Chris placed his hands on JD’s shoulders, slowly running strong fingers down his arms until he reached his wrists. He pulled JD’s arms behind him, crossing his wrists and taking them in one hand.

"You will stand like this each time you are instructed to stand. Do you understand?"

The words were breathed so softly against JD’s ear that they did not extend at all into the fire-warmed room. Desire again nearly took the vulnerable recipient to his knees. Forcing himself to swallow, he suddenly - without reserve - wanted nothing more than to please the man who held him captive. His voice answered quietly, reverently... but held more foundation than it had since his arrival.

"Yes, Sir."

Behind him, light danced in Chris’ eyes, a smile flashing fleetingly across his lips. JD’s instincts were already in play, prodding him to raise his level of respect and willingness to please to new heights. Chris stepped away, watching with interested eyes as the denial of his body heat caused a rippling of soft, resilient skin. JD sighed almost imperceptibly.

Chris again settled into his chair, letting his arm trail down beside it. He snapped his fingers and indicated the floor slightly before and beside the time polished leather.

JD hesitated for a moment, unsure. Finally he moved to stand in the space Chris indicated, his hands behind his back, clasped as he had been taught. A part of his mind fought this blind obedience, but the rest of him relished the loss of control, the ability to forget anything and everything but this moment and the man who was slowly stripping him of all responsibility.

"Kneel."

Sliding to his knees, JD carefully took the posture dictated to him earlier.

"Turn around, your side to the side of the chair, your head beneath my hand."

Chris extended his hand as if to pet a dog. As JD turned and backed up the small amount it took to reach those long fingers, they threaded through his hair, petting him slightly until he settled in the position required of him.

Again the whisper that he had unknowingly begun to crave stroked over JD's now highly-sensitized skin. "Good boy." A violent shudder racked him, and a wave of excitement and pleasure overwhelmed him.

Chris lifted his book off of the table next to the chair, leaning back and relaxing as he began to read silently, his fingers still carding and sifting through the thick dark mane of his new toy. Slowly, with repetitious stroking, the boy beneath his hand began to set the foundation of his position, instinctively preparing for a long, unmoving wait. Chris’ eyes never left the book in his lap, yet a tiny smile again crossed his lips as he absorbed how quickly JD had taken to his new role.

+ + + + + + +

JD found himself focusing on the fingers that combed through his hair, occasionally tangling and tugging just enough to keep him from lulling into a dreamlike state. The hand was strong, and it was commanding, and yet it soothed him like nothing had in some time.

He trusted this man, yet had no idea how any of this had come to pass. He’d come here to finalize his resignation. To try, from beneath layers of confusion, to verbalize the lack he’d found in himself recently. The understanding he’d finally come to that his skill, his self-control, his discipline was so far behind the other members of the Team that he realized he was liability, and put the others at risk. How had he ended up naked and perched at his leader’s side like a pet?

Additional confusion bubbled up inside him as it dawned on him how much he was relishing the position. Was he so pitiful that he was unable even to refuse this humiliation? And yet, was it a refusal to say no that kept him kneeling here, his limbs beginning to stiffen and his legs beginning to fall asleep? Wasn’t he, in fact, enjoying this in some perverse way?

Slightly, barely moving beneath the fingers that were becoming so familiar, he shook his head to clear it. It didn’t work; his thoughts only swirled faster.

+ + + + + + +

Chris noticed the nearly imperceptible shake of the young man’s head, his eyes narrowing as he raised them from the book and took stock of the kneeling figure beside him.

It had been thirty minutes and he knew by the slight action that JD had gone through stages of thought, falling out the other side into confusion again. He tugged gently on the silken locks in his fingers one more time before speaking quietly once more.

"Stand, please."

JD immediately rose to his feet, clasping his hands behind him. His strong, proud body glowed in the firelight as he blushed anew at the green eyes raking over him.

"Very good." His mentor said quietly. "Now, go to the den and wait for me in the middle of the room, kneeling."

+ + + + + + +

As JD moved toward the den, he tried to reconcile what was happening to him. He wasn’t a child, though often he felt like it. He didn’t have to be here, and yet he was relinquishing all control to this man who had taken a chance on him when no one else would.

Should he be ashamed of the easy way that he obeyed? Should he be destroyed by the fact that he wanted to do nothing but forget the last few weeks and lose himself to this night? His whole being strained toward understanding what was happening to him, yet the unrest, the turmoil, the confusion and the dismay still swirled into a vicious vortex, dragging him under until he felt he would drown in a mass of chaos.

Groaning softly, again feeling tears rolling down his flushed cheeks, he fell to his knees and assumed the position taught him. Already it was automatic, yet he mentally checked his form, still wanting so much to please the strong man for whom he was waiting.

Chris watched from just beyond the doorway, observing the struggle within his youngest charge. As he saw JD slightly adjust his body to perfect his pose, he smiled to himself softly. Had JD been able to see the affection at that moment, the role he was playing would be compromised a bit. "Damn but the boy is a natural," he thought swiftly. "But he’s still thinking too much."

+ + + + + + +

Entering the cozy room - every bit a man’s getaway with its leather furniture, huge mahogany desk and shelves upon shelves of books - Chris allowed himself the luxury of just absorbing how much the beautiful young man complimented his surroundings. In another time and place, he might not be adverse to taking advantage of this situation in more ways than he currently planned. But this night was not for him, it was for JD and he shook off the heat of desire that coiled within him.

Pressing a button, a soft whir filled the room as the steel bar usually reserved for inverted exercise moved down from the ceiling, stopping a few feet above the kneeling man’s head. JD started to raise his head to look, but Chris stopped him with a quiet, "no", before stepping behind him and placing a hand on the back of JD’s neck. The pressure was firm, commanding, yet so far from a display of brute strength that the confused young man had no need to struggle against it.

As the hand remained still, lightly squeezing, JD felt an unexplainable excitement begin to rise within him. Without moving these strong fingers were claiming him. Without asking anything except his stillness, this hand was marking him with heat and possession he had never known before. "What the hell is wrong with me?" JD’s thoughts swirled. "He ... he’s becoming everything."

Chris bent over gracefully, placing his mouth close to his willing captive’s ear. Allowing his breath to caress the sensitive flesh behind, he whispered his next command softly, gently. "Stand up for me, Little Bit, and place your hands on top of your head."

JD shuddered violently, his cock jerking in reaction to the heat and sensual assault of the powerful man’s breath and voice. He obeyed immediately, and was startled to feel leather cuffs quickly encasing his wrists.

Chris stepped around and in front of him quickly, efficiently securing JD’s wrists to the cold steel of the bar above. JD stood helpless, bound in comfortable, sheepskin-lined leather, his arms fully extended. He gulped, closing his eyes against the swell of fear that suddenly overtook him. Fear of the unknown, fear of the pleasure he was finding in it.

Trailing a finger down the center of JD’s chest, Chris walked around him, tracing a path around the bare waist and watching the chill of awareness rise on exposed, heated skin.

A sudden draft as the tall, lean man moved away caused JD to whimper softly. That the sound issued from his own throat amazed him.

Chris stepped back into view before the tearful prisoner. In his hands, a black and blue flogger had appeared, its many tails laid over the strong fingers of one palm, as the other palm cradled the exquisitely carved ebony hilt. JD gasped in shock, shaking his head involuntarily. Slamming his eyes closed, they blinked open again, as if hoping he had misunderstood what he was seeing, and that it would now be gone. The whip still lay before him.

Chris dropped the tails, his fingers snug on the wood grip, and let the whip fall to his side. His other hand raised to gently touch the side of the trembling man’s face, his thumb stroking softly.

His voice caressed JD as softly as the fingers stroked him. "Remember the trust, Little Man. If, when I ask you how you are, you want more of what I am doing, I want you to answer with the word ‘green’. If you are unsure, or uncomfortable at any time, whether or not I ask how you are, say the word ‘yellow’. I will stop and we will assess or change whatever needs changing. Should anything be too much for you to bear, use the word ‘red’. I will stop immediately. Do you understand, John?"

"Y...yes, Sir."

Chris nodded once and stepped out of JD’s sight.

+ + + + + + +

JD jumped, jerking away from the leather as it stroked across his back. It was surprise, however, that motivated his movement. The whip, itself, was nothing more than a gentle stroke of suede across his heated skin. Once, twice ... suddenly he wanted more.

Chris stepped up behind him, his body molded to the firm, hot frame of the younger man. He nuzzled the tender flesh at the junction of neck and shoulder, and smiled against the hot skin as a shiver traveled the length of the prone form.

Snaking a hand around his waist, he laid his palm flat on the six-pack stomach. Pressing gently, he whispered hotly, "Did you like that, Little Man?" JD quickly nodded, swallowing hard and forcing out the word from behind embarrassed lips. "G..g..green."

Chris smiled again and kissed the young man’s shoulder softly.

Standing back, he began a fixed rhythm against the broad shoulders, moving to mid torso and carefully avoiding the too-vulnerable lower back. Gradually increasing in speed and strength, he began to see a pink tinge on the surrendered skin before him. JD’s breath began to come faster, his body straining in his bonds, yet leaning back into the whip. He began whimpering softly, losing thought and riding the waves of sensation that were building.

His tone crisp, his voice controlled and confident, Chris began bringing the young man out. Pleased with JD’s response, he increased his efforts, urging the man closer to his epiphany. The whip began to smack sharply against the skin, bringing sting into the thud that was slowly raising a chemical reaction in the young man’s body. JD’s moans mingled with cries, pain and pleasure too close to separate.

"Feels good to be free, doesn’t it, John? Feels good to just let go and let someone else make all the decisions."

"Yes!" the young man cried.

"Always having to think, aren’t you, Little Bit? Having to watch yourself so the others don’t think you’re too green."

"Oh God, yes... "

"You feel like you deserve this, don’t you, JD?" Chris slid purposely into the more familiar name as the intensity of the strokes increased yet again. "Like you’re nothing but a child who has to be coddled and watched over. You’re not worthy of the Team, are ya, Little Bit?"

"No. No I’m not, Chris," he sobbed. Chris stopped, his breath labored as he stepped behind JD and grabbed a handful of hair. Pulling his captive’s head back sharply, he hissed into his ear.

"Are you calling me a bad leader, JD?"

"No! No, Sir!" he gasped out between clenched teeth.

Keeping him off-balance, Chris reverted to the more formal name. "But we’re back to this, John. I chose you. If you’re not worthy, why did I do that?"

Confused, JD tried to shake his head. Chris tangled his fingers tighter, holding him still. Chris raised his voice another notch.

"Come on, John. Why do you think you’re a bad agent?"

"Cause I fucked up the Manega case." JD finally shouted before breaking into sobs that came from the deepest place inside him. "I c...could’ve gotten Buck killed. Cause I’m just a kid trying to do a man’s job I have no business doing."

Chris had JD unbuckled and into his arms before the weeping man ended his sentence. Lowering him gently to the floor, Chris wrapped arms and legs around him, cradling him fully and bringing his head to his shoulder.

"That’s it, JD. That’s it partner, let go." Chris stroked his back, rocking him gently as the young man cried out his fear, frustration and the horror that came with his first kill.

Hearing the sobs slip into rhythmic gulps of air, Chris stood, JD in his arms, and moved to the couch. Sitting down in a corner, he arranged the man in between his legs, pulling the quilt from the back of the sofa down over them both.

Kissing him gently on the temple, Chris encouraged JD to talk about that night. To exorcise the demons that had been haunting him since, growing with each good-natured teasing from the other members of the closely knit Team. For hours they spoke of the Manega bust and others, walking through everything JD had done, both right and wrong, before, during and since.

It wasn’t long before JD’s spirit returned as he began to understand that the very discipline, trust and blind obedience to Chris’ leadership he had displayed this night made him perfect for Team 7 and the work of an ATF agent. Before the dawn came, JD cried out his guilt and anguish over taking his first life, Chris reassuring him over and over that the pain was what made him human.

+ + + + + + +

The sun was peeking through the blinds of the den as Chris waited for JD to finish his sentence. Glancing down at the man he cuddled, he realized the exhausted agent had fallen asleep mid-word. Chuckling silently, he lifted him into his arms and carried him to his bed. Shucking his clothes quickly, he climbed in beside his friend and pulled him back into his arms. Sighing peacefully, he surrendered to sleep.

+ + + + + + +

Unsure what woke him at first, Chris blinked and looked into sparkling dark eyes. He couldn’t help but smile at the renewed enthusiasm in the young agent’s face.

"Mornin’, Chris!" JD grinned. "That for me?" he giggled, indicating his leader's morning hard-on.

Chris rolled his eyes and pushed the youngster away from him, finding his ticklish spot with no problem. Screeching, JD jumped up and ran, returning only after he was fully showered and dressed. Chris was just coming out of the bathroom, toweling his hair dry, as the young pup bounced back into the bedroom. JD perched on the bed as Chris finished dressing.

"Um ... Chris?"

"Yeah, JD?"

"Thanks." Chris just smiled at him and gestured toward the hallway. "Shall we get some breakfast, Agent Dunne?"

JD jumped up with a happy smile and followed his Leader to the door. He couldn’t wait for Monday to come. Couldn't wait to get back to the office, and back to work.

The End
Follow-up Story: Testing Trust