Something for the Denial

Sure-Eyes the Tracker nestled himself into a crook of the Evertree's trunk so as to not cause the rest of his tribe any bother. His wolf-friend, Freepacer, whined in concern and pawed at his knee. A fresh ripple of pain sawed across his nerves, and he hugged himself. One word to her might ease the suffering for both of them, but then again, Smartwing had told him their holt's finder was suffering just as much as he was. It meant she was trying to deny the Recognition as well.

Smartwing . . . at first Sure-Eyes thought that the half-Glider would certainly be furious at the turn of events, but he was more concerned for the health of his business partner than anything else. Occasionally Sure-Eyes would see into his Recognized, into Mooncat's mind, and found that she felt she couldn't join with him because she was afraid of losing Smartwing as associate and lovemate. He wondered if she knew it was all for nothing, wondered if Smartwing knew she was driving herself to pain because of him.

Sure-Eyes knew, though, that the presence of a lovemate during Recognition would take the edge off the mating urge even if it would not exactly destroy it, so Mooncat was in less pain because of Smartwing. Or, perhaps, the Glider was withholding his attentions from her so that she would finally make a decision to go to Sure-Eyes, as she was supposed to, as she needed. That would be cruel, even for Smartwing, but he was stubborn enough to want what was best for her and coyly push her in that direction, not that her making that decision would make much of a difference to the tracker. His fear of Recognition was far more overwhelming than hers.

"There you are," came a soft, breathless voice. The slender young elf, adult, but still fit to be called a "cub" by any tribe's standards, bounded over tree roots until he got to Sure-Eyes. Bramble was filled with the furious energy he contained after every hunt, and the evidence of that, three woodfowl, were slung over the youth's shoulders by a cord. "We could have used your help, Tracker. Treehorn doesn't have any sense of direction, Smartwing's bird scares off most of the game before we can shoot it, and even Blackflint, Wildstorm, and Thornsnap aren't anywhere near as good at it as you are. I had to track tonight." There was a touch of pride in the cub's words, but there was concern as well.

"If your vision is clear enough to find me here, then I'm sure you didn't need my help tracking." He curled into the bark, looked away from Bramble.

Treehorn sidled up and clapped his hunting companion on the back. "Come on, cub, don't let this puckernut bark at you. He doesn't have the right."

Although Treehorn was his friend, Sure-Eyes knew contempt when he heard it. Treehorn would have thrown himself into a Recognition with the intensity of skyfire, transforming it into a lovemating, a lifemating, or anything in between. The tall elf simply could not understand why anyone wouldn't want to. As he led Bramble away, toward the night's feast, he muttered something about "no sense of direction", and elbowed the cub hard.

A large hand hauled the branch-thin tracker to his normally-steady feet. "You can't fight forever, cub, nor can she." Truthcatcher, the Red Rocks holt's eldest male and storyteller, looked at the elf who was more than 800 years his younger. Though Truthcatcher's own Recognition was fairly recent, even by Wolfrider standards, he'd been lifemated to Shenshen of the Sun Folk for longer than Sure-Eyes had been alive.

Sure-Eyes shrugged, knowing he should know, if anyone did. He idly watched Truthcatcher's wolf, Softgrace, tumble playfully with Freepacer. He drew in a breath sharply as he felt another pang of need and pain bite at him. "Do you think Mist might be able to . . ."

Mist was the Wolfriders' healer and Truthcatcher and Shenshen's cub. "No, lad. There are a few ways to help, but nothing that can make it stop, save one solution. Come, you poor cub, you need to eat something. You're nothing but limbs and hair."

Blackflint, Blood of Eight-And-Three Chiefs, called the pack to assemble and eat. His eyes were distant and sad as Sure-Eyes leaned against him, too weary to sit upright. The chieftain fed his tracker from his own fingers and combed his other hand through the back of the younger Wolfrider's hair. Sure-Eyes was his closest friend. They knew each other's soul names as they knew their own, and Blackflint felt his pain and weariness as if it were his own. Across the fire, Mooncat tried to depend on Smartwing's physical support, as well, but the finder's hands faltered as she held the water skin. Sympathetic, Smartwing used his powers to keep it steady as she drank.

Flowerbright, the tribe's treekeeper, looked sidelong at Treehorn and Bramble. This has got to stop, she lock-sent at them both.

Stubborn High Ones' cursed cubs. For once, Treehorn agreed with her.

Bramble decided to add his opinion into the private mental conversation. At least Mooncat has a lovemate to help her with some of the pain. Sure-Eyes hasn't got anyone.

Before Wildstorm came to us, Blackflint and Sure-Eyes shared, Treehorn snorted softly. I don't know why that stonehead won't do anything about it. Blackflint could, at least, ease Sure-Eyes up a bit. They're a pair of stoneheads, the Tracker for not going to his Recognized, and Blackflint for not helping his so-called dearest friend. Stubborn as zwoots.

Blackflint wants what'll be best for Sure-Eyes, and that's just to give in, Bramble gnawed the last shred of meat from the deer's bone he was holding. But until they both make that decision, the best tracker our tribe has ever had is driving himself moon-mad.

Our finder, too, the only one our tribe's ever had. It's not completely her fault, you know. Flowerbright was Mooncat's longtime friend, as was Thornsnap, and she and Wildstorm had been close since the chief's lovemate had arrived at Red Rocks. It's not as if she was holding out on him through her own vanity.

But she has a lovemate to take her needs out on. You know, this is the only time I'll admit it, but I feel sorry for Smartwing, Treehorn almost chuckled. According to our Glider, she's lusty at the best of times. Joining with her now must be like mating with one of those long-tooth cats she's so fond of watching.

Poor Smartwing. Bramble chuckled, trying to throw off his nagging worry for Sure-Eyes. You could do something about it, Flowerbright. Sure- Eyes is very beautiful. Where had he come to that realization? I mean, that's what the other females say, even Mooncat. He tried to catch himself before Treehorn did.

Oh, no, I'm not tangling myself in this cobweb, thanks, Flowerbright waved a hand at both of them.

Treehorn's grin was wide and obscene as his eyes flicked over his friend and hunting-partner. If you think he's so pretty, cub, then why don't you go join with him? You'd obviously find it easy. No, the elder hunter hadn't ignored his comment, not that Bramble had really expected him to.

Bramble's face went flushed with embarrassment. He threw his hat down into the leaves they were seated on, long black hair falling in every direction. "Maybe I will," he hissed through sharp teeth. "You yourself said there was nothing wrong in it, Treehorn, and that was a long time ago. Stop treating me like a cub who doesn't know how to do anything!"

None of the tribe around the fire would have sensed their conversation, or would have known what Bramble was yipping about now, and it was just as well. Treehorn's jibe, and now, his own outburst, were humiliating beyond belief, and he certainly didn't want anyone to know what it entailed. Especially Sure-Eyes, because Bramble had half a mind to go through with it. The tracker was his friend, they were close in age, though Sure-Eyes had thirty turns on him, and he was . . . desirable.

Bramble whistled to his wolf-friend, Bounder, and the pair of them skulked off into the dreamberry bushes that edged the holt. A few concerned glances were cast in the cub's direction, but most, with the exception of Blackflint, attributed the incident to Bramble's temper or Treehorn's sometimes irritating sense of humor.

The young elf picked a few of the intoxicating berries, enough to take the blade-edge from his nerves. It was more than concern that had made his decision for him; he hated to admit it, but it was pride. Helping Sure-Eyes would at least, in his own eyes, if no one else's, do something to get rid of the bungling cub that everyone seemed to think he was. He would do something right, even if Sure-Eyes wasn't right now. He watched his people salvage the rest of the meat from the kill and crush the fire to ashes. The tracker, normally so light and agile when it came to climbing, faltered and nearly fell as he scrambled to the small alcove where he slept when he wanted solitude. The sight only served to make Bramble's mind more certain.

There was one thing Bramble would need before he could help his friend: Sure- Eyes' soul name. It would make their joining something like Recognition, if he made the sacrifice of sharing his own. That decision was made in a moment. Now, there was only one elf who could share that gift with him. Whether he would was another matter. He ran toward the chief's hollow in the Evertree.

He found his blond chieftain stretched out on his sleeping furs and gazing at the hollow's door, as if he were expecting an arrival. "I thought it might be you. Do you mind telling me what's put such a burr in your tail, Bramble?"

"Sure-Eyes was your lovemate, and you're just letting him suffer!" the cub blurted, then slapped his palms over his lips when he realized how imperiously he'd spoken to his chief.

Instead of displaying his legendary temper, Blackflint crooked a knee beneath him and sat up. "You think I should join with him in order to keep him from what Recognition's planned for him?"

"He's in such pain. He's your dearest friend. Shouldn't you?"

Wildstorm answered, looking like the very voice of the High Ones. With her slender build and her silver hair running down her shoulders, she seemed a throwback to the pale firstcomers. "No, Bramble, he shouldn't. It isn't 'The Way'

"Then I will. I can't stand this, not any more than he or Mooncat can. I suspect you feel the same way." Bramble's eyes narrowed.

"Don't say any more, Bramble. I don't blame you." Blackflint thought that the cub might also simply want Sure-Eyes for a joining's own sake, but he didn't say anything.

"His soul name. It can heal him some, if I know it, won't it?" Perhaps if the other's body and mind thought they were receiving a Recognized mating, some of the sharpness might be taken from what Sure-Eyes was experiencing now.

Trust the lad to cut straight to the bone. Blackflint almost grinned at the implied question. "If you share. Are you willing to take that chance?" He was half-inclined to do what the cub asked, even though it was sharing of the strictest of confidences. Bramble was many things, but he wasn't the kind of fool who would hurt or try to control Sure-Eyes with the knowledge of the tracker's soul name.

Bramble breathed out, knowing the risks of letting the other Wolfrider know his inner, private self, the word which symbolized the core of his being. "Yes."

The chieftain looked thoughtfully at Bramble. He sighed, as if Mist had finished sealing one of his wounds. He knew Bramble would never use the knowledge in anger. The cub had a temper, true, but he was never cruel. If Bramble was this willing to trust Sure-Eyes with his own soul, it would be wrong to refuse him. "Come, then." He set his lips on the young elf's forehead. He is Keir, he lock-sent to the dark-haired hunter.

Staggered by the sending, the revelation almost as powerful as when he had received his own soul-name, Bramble rubbed cautious fingers through his thick hair, across the soft moisture where Blackflint's lips had met his skin. It was as if a star now lived in his heart, an energy twin to his own. He stepped backwards toward the door.

"Bramble," Blackflint stopped him with a word.

"My chief?" The youth wiped hair from his eyes. Wildstorm, from the corner, smiled. She knew what her lovemate was going to do, although she would have been more pleased if he'd made the amends himself.

"There's one thing more." He embraced the young hunter tightly and sent him memories, warm memories of the times, few and far between though they were, of when he and his friend had shared themselves, lean times, frightened times, the warmth that came after. Underneath it all was a regret, his chief's devotion to his lovemate, although she wouldn't have minded his loving Sure-Eyes; the tracker treed with them, if infrequently. The reason for Blackflint's hesitation towards such a direction was finally revealed to Bramble; if the tracker joined with his longtime friend, he would push back the urgency of Recognition, drawing strength from their closeness for an indefinite period of time. Recognition denied that long would make Sure-Eyes and Mooncat both more and more ill. It was possible that they could die if they didn't join.

"High Ones smile upon you, cub." Blackflint unclasped him, and Bramble met the smiles of both his chief and his chief's lovemate.

The knowledge, the word, and burning anticipation rolling in his mind, Bramble swung himself up to Sure-Eyes' hollow.

Sure-Eyes was right at the moment where he would have blown his oil-lamp out. He whirled around at the youth's presence. Like all Wolfriders, he wore nothing as he slept in his furs, but he had clutched those furs up to his throat now, being far shyer than most. "Tanner's Needles, Bramble! What in the name of the High Ones are you doing here? It's nearly dawn!"

"I needed to see you, Sure-Eyes," Bramble hoped he wouldn't lose his nerve. "You need a healing. It doesn't take Mist's power to see how much you're hurting."

"Mist can't do anything for me. Truthcatcher's told me."

"Yes, but I may be able to." Bramble crawled into the warm treehouse and knelt down at Sure-Eyes' side. Kicking his boots off as if he were treeing here for the day, he rubbed the tracker's tense shoulders, fingers falling hard against the fibers of the muscles, the bones beneath smooth as riverstones. He had wonderful skin, Bramble realized, soft as the Sun Folk's finest linen, but it was feverish and flushed with the exertion of resisting Recognition's call. The young hunter's lips were drawn to the side of the tanned throat.

"Timmorn's Blood, Bramble! What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like?" Bramble left off at what he was doing, stopped to flick the pointed tip of Sure-Eyes' ear with his tongue. "I'm not too young to join with. Thornsnap and Flowerbright know that. Why can't you?"

Sure-Eyes tried to disentangle the cub from around his body, but instead found his protests smothered by a warm, liquid kiss that invaded his mouth and left his lips damp. "Do you want this . . . me?"

"Does Smartwing cheat trolls at the gaming-stones?" Bramble was gaining momentum now, his kisses dotting Sure-Eyes' jaw, his lips, his chin. "I'll make you feel good, or, at least better."

"I don't need pity," Sure-Eyes protested, even as he was stripping the younger elf's tunic from him. A wise elf had once said that few of their kind were unpleasant to look on, but he had never noticed how sweet Bramble looked until now. The ivory skin seemed to shine in the waning moonlight, and the shaggy black hair gleamed with a light that seemed trapped in its strands. He licked Bramble's lips in appreciation of the younger Wolfrider's beauty.

Bramble bit his lip where the tracker had traced it. It was time. I do not pity you, Keir. I am Adi. Tears stung his eyes as he freely gave Sure- Eyes the secret of his soul name. So, this was what it felt like to have a piece of your soul flee your body. It felt as if a hollow had been dug from his heart, physically as well as emotionally.

He expected everything from anger to surprise to indignation, but he had not thought to see Sure-Eyes smile, smile as if he were recovering from a great illness, some painful wound, and the worst was over. "Beloved friend. You didn't have to do this." Streams came from beneath Sure-Eyes' lashes as well. He traced the youth's face with reverent hands.

"It was the only thing I could think of to stop you from hurting." Bramble's breath was stolen from him as a worshipful mouth sprinkled kisses all over his face, moving down his neck. He clutched at Sure-Eyes' back looking for support while at the same time taking pleasure in the sleek skin beneath his hands.

The tracker lowered the younger elf down onto the soft furs, removing Bramble's breeches and watching the cub squirm as the silken fur met his equally silken skin. Bramble sighed, toes and fingers curling, luxuriating, as Sure- Eyes' long fingers freed his anxious length. The tracker stifled a shudder of anticipation as he observed Bramble's considerable erection. He may have acted like a foolhardy cub sometimes, but this was certainly no innocent child. There was no confusing what Bramble wanted.

Sure-Eyes pulled one of Bramble's hands to his mouth and began to kiss the palm, the curled fingers, lightly. Then, the older elf's lips moved to Bramble's neck and the hunter shuddered softly at the drag of Sure-Eyes' delicate long hair over his skin. Sure-Eyes pulled at one of Bramble's nipples with his teeth, reveling in the cry it brought. The youth's skin was as soft as flower petals, and the warm, musky scent of Bramble's body was driving him to intoxication.

Bramble struggled upright; he was not simply going to allow Sure-Eyes the upper hand, to lay back, being caressed, and do nothing. With a sudden ferocity, he cupped the back of the tracker's skull and pulled him in, their lips touching slightly, until Bramble, impatient, forged his way in. The starving kiss dissolved the last vestiges of Sure-Eyes' resistance, stealing his will as it stole his breath.

"Tanner's Needles, cub! Where did you learn to do this?" Sure-Eyes gasped when they broke.

Blackflint showed me, Keir. Bramble sent. He showed me what you like, and how beautiful you are when he makes you happy. He couldn't do this because he was afraid he couldn't let you go when the time came; he was afraid you'd get sick.

A ripple of regret ran through Sure-Eyes' mind, and having willingly taken a soul-bond with him, Bramble felt it. He could have said. It's hard for me to be on one side of this thing and him another, Adi.

Don't dwell on it, beloved. In sending, there is only truth, and the truth of what he had just admitted to Sure-Eyes surprised Bramble somewhat. High Ones know you can't do this forever, but until you feel you can stop, this can help.

He feathered his fingers through the long, soft hair of the elf in front of him, than kissed him again, softly, so as not to further pain the already swollen lips. Bramble then licked a pattern, intricate and convoluted as a trail that Sure-Eyes might leave, down to the other Wolfrider's chest. His soft lips closed over a peaked nipple and stayed there. Blackflint had shown him the slightly older elf's love for this kind of play, and the young hunter had been eager to try it. A smile formed on Bramble's lips, pressed so tightly against the pale, golden skin. He began kissing and licking both nipples lovingly, brushing them with careless fingers, then moving his hand lower to toy with Sure-Eyes' navel.

The tracker of Red Rocks holt moved a hand through the younger elf's hair, teasing Bramble's ears, sliding it down the slender neck. When a breathtaking bite from the youth caused him to start, he scraped shortened nails down the length of Bramble's spine, finally laying it to rest on the swell of one buttock. He closed his fingers slightly, squeezing. Sit up, Adi.

Why?

Something I've been tempted to do. Bramble stretched, his eyes large and haunted as he looked at his new lovemate. He'd seen what Blackflint and Sure- Eyes had engaged in, and didn't think he had the courage yet to be taken as Sure-Eyes had been. Just as his doubts began to show themselves, he found his sex being enveloped by a warm, wet pressure. Wanted a taste.

"High Ones," Bramble groaned, pushing his hands through the tracker's mane roughly. He rocked slightly into the warm haven being offered him then whimpered as a tongue ran its way across his length and back.

Sure-Eyes then sat back, leaving the cub 's skin cooling and his mind and body in anguish. A protest died on Bramble's lips as he felt the sending. Join with me, Adi. Sure-Eyes reclined, eyes gleaming like those rare moments of the sky at day that Bramble had seen when he'd chosen not to sleep. There was a need that had to be attended first, and Bramble turned his head, searching in the twilight.

"The oil, dear one, in the lamp," Sure-Eyes mouthed Bramble's fingertips and looked at him with expectant eyes.

Having been in the lit lamp, the oil was warm, but not hot. Bramble slathered his fingers with it, as he had seen Blackflint do in the sending. Keir, beloved, open for me, he sent, tracing his fingers between Sure- Eyes' thighs. The tracker groaned, anticipating a measureless joy, something he had been without for too long. Bramble coated his own erection with the slick fluid then did the same for Sure-Eyes. Then, Bramble's fingers reached inside his lover, playing, teasing, pushing Sure-Eyes nearly out of his mind. The older elf pushed into the warm, sliding digits, his whimpering loud.

Bramble pulled his hand away and sighed, wondering at the tightness of the passage, his readiness. Sure-Eyes licked a desperate path up Bramble's jaw. High Ones, Adi, just take me!

Bramble gently pushed Sure-Eyes' legs apart, holding the older Wolfrider's thighs carefully. He wanted their joining to be gentle, slow, as the tracker had been fighting psychic strain for some time now. Sure-Eyes ran a slender hand down to the base of Bramble's spine. "Now. Can't wait."

Bramble tilted his hips forward, and hoped by the Two Moons that he wouldn't hurt Sure-Eyes. The slightly resistant muscles gave, and Bramble found the head of his sex encased in heat. It was delicious, tight and soft. The warmth of Sure-Eyes' body clutched him, as if welcoming, and Bramble plunged in further. His fingers locked with those of his panting lovemate below him, whose eyes were closed with the passion of the instant. Bramble couldn't have closed his eyes if he wanted to; the scents, the heat, the textures, were too much, overwhelming due to their sharing of soul names. Sure-Eyes was panting although Bramble hadn't started to move yet, his high cheekbones dotted with sweat. He bit his pinkened lower lip and gasped.

Bramble then started to move, feeling the warmth from their connected bodies seeping into him, spreading to his toes. He began pushing and withdrawing quickly, finding that Sure-Eyes opened to him more the more he moved. The pleasure of it was as intense as skyfire, and Bramble began a rhythm that ensured that he buried himself to the hilt with each movement forward. Any thought was hard to come by in the frenzy, but a thread of a sending showed through, from the tracker to the cub. Feels so good. I feel safe, feel whole . . . whole.

Don't hurt? Good, so good . . . Bramble moaned aloud as he moved faster and pressed his body harder to Sure-Eyes, trapping the slim tracker's length between them so that it rubbed hotly against Bramble's belly. He felt the pounding of Sure-Eyes' heart, but he was too far gone to discern whether it matched his own. A soft cry tore from the young hunter's throat and he shared his essence freely with his lovemate, incredible hot spasms wringing his slender body. Sure-Eyes' eyelids snapped open and he surged up against Bramble, clutching the young elf's shoulders as he spilled himself, feeling tension spill along with him.

They lay in each other's embrace for breathless minutes, neither wanting to break the dreamlike state in the tree, a time out of time. Sure-Eyes showered Bramble's downturned face with whisper kisses. Friend of my Body and Spirit, I will never have words to . . .

Then, don't. Treehorn always tells me that getting too introspective about these things can bring regret. In this situation, that might just be true, my tracker-friend. I chose to help you, and I trust you to care for the truth of me that you carry. That's all the thanks I need.

Sure-Eyes purred and kissed him a last time before pulling their bodies apart. They didn't bother to clean each other in a conventional way. Eyes bright with curiosity, Bramble lapped up his lovemate's seed as if it were honey, finding the salty flavor of him not at all unpleasant. Sure-Eyes tongue- bathed Bramble in turn, yawning when the youth was clean, his skin drying. The pink and red blazes of the morning sun trickled in through the cracks in the hide door, reminding the two Wolfriders that they should sleep soon.

Sure-Eyes curled into Bramble, seeking warmth, burrowing his nose into the cub's neck. "Mooncat," he sighed painfully. "I don't know what to do about her."

"Do you not want her? She is beautiful, but, perhaps you would rather be with Blackflint, or maybe me?" There was hope in the cub's voice, as well as the insinuation. He had enjoyed this, and the tracker couldn't say that the same wasn't true of him.

"It isn't that. I like females, though too often I haven't any idea of how to act or what to say. Not like Treehorn does." Sure-Eyes stretched himself, sighing as Bramble's slim fingers drew calming circles around his ribs. "It's just that . . . I'm free, I've always been. The closest elf I've ever become bound to is Blackflint, and not even he needs me all the time."

"Afraid of loving her," the grey eyes were calm and solemn, and suddenly looked as old as Truthcatcher's. "You're afraid of being tied to a place and time where you can't just run off on your own whenever you need it." There was no mistaking it now, the Wolfriders' lore-teller had been teaching the lad, for the words sounded like something Truthcatcher would say, although the observation was Bramble's alone.

That's the quick of it, Sure-Eyes sent. Sendings never contained lies, so Bramble knew the admission was almost as painful as the constant pangs of denied Recognition that struck his friend, and now, lovemate.

You need each other.

And you, what do you need?

Bramble smiled. I couldn't say, but maybe to tree with you and Mooncat and Smartwing every once in a while.

She'd like that; she thinks you're cute. Bramble winced at Sure-Eyes' description. I think you're wonderful.

"I think she knows you well enough to understand when you need to be away from her, from all of us. Then again, maybe she doesn't know you, but how will she ever understand unless you go to her at least once?" Bramble finally spoke, dropping a kiss on Sure-Eyes' collarbone.

"'At least once' could have her bearing my cub."

"A cub that would be cared for by the whole tribe, save you, if you wanted it that way. You wouldn't need to be lifemates."

Sure-Eyes ruffled Bramble's silky black hair. "It's not that simple. I couldn't leave behind my own cub, and I could . . . love her."

"No one would ever demand more of you than you could give. Not Mooncat, not the cub, if there is one, not Smartwing, nor I."

"Blackflint didn't."

"No, he didn't, and wouldn't," Bramble softly grinned, and locked his grey eyes with the skystone-blue ones beneath his. "A Wolfrider is always free. Wildstorm never asks him to keep himself from you. If you choose to track far, our only worry is that you'll return to the ones who love you. That's the only tie that matters."

Love. Being bound by love was not such a terrible thing. Sure-Eyes realized it was the very thing, the only thing, that even kept him in the holt. He would have run as an outcast otherwise. He wouldn't relinquish that love for anything, least of all a measure of solitude. Yet, love would also allow him to keep it as he needed. "Yes. Yes it is. Soon, then," Sure-Eyes curled into Bramble's body and kissed the younger elf's ears in such a way that he chuckled. He pulled the fur over them, and drifted off to a sound sleep, feeling soothed and warm for the first time in weeks.

The End