The First Time Ever I Lay With You

It was a quiet evening at Chris's shack. Buck and Vin were 'helping' him with some of the many tasks involved in making it a home, at least to anyone who asked. The real reason, of course, was for the three men to spend a night together. A whole night, not a snatched hour or two when any or all of them could get out of town for long enough to be together.

That had been the most difficult part of this relationship for all of them. Although it was easier to deflect suspicion, if it were ever to fall on them, being three also made it that much more difficult for them to be out of town at the same time. It made the time they did all have together that much sweeter, though.

The conversation was ranging over many topics. Buck had just given them a wicked imitation of JD's courting techniques with Casey (highly uncomplimentary to his friend).

"You know," Vin murmured, leaning on Buck's shoulder, "I woulda thought, back in the beginning, that maybe there was somethin' between you and JD."

"There might have been," Buck replied, snatching a kiss. "Things didn't quite work out how I'd've liked them to. And yet they did, if you know what I mean."

"Clear as mud," Chris snorted affectionately.

"Okay, I'll try to put it into words," the big man said agreeably, lying back with an armful of tracker nestling into him. "Hey Vin," he said, jokingly, "Ya wanna hear a bedtime story?"

"Sorry. Just kinda tired, and I like ya holdin' me," Vin replied, making to move off Buck's lap.

"Did I say I minded?" Buck asked, tightening his hold on the other man.

"I'm sorry...I just like the feeling of you holdin' me. Don't know why I have to cling so much sometimes, where it comes from," Vin apologised, but didn't move again.

'I know where it comes from,' thought the man holding him, 'It comes from losin' too much, too early in life. Ya never got to be held by your ma when ya needed it. I can't change those feelin's, but I can make ya feel more secure and loved now, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.'

Aloud, Buck continued talking about JD. "Attracted?" he replied to Chris's query, "Hell yes. I mean, look at him. Those eyes, that mouth...just waiting for someone to ravage it. Surely you two have looked...noticed?"

"Yeah," Chris agreed, a smile finding it's way to those full lips. "Only looked, of course. I had enough to handle back then. But yes, I noticed."

"Me too," Vin answered. "I even sorta tried to bring the topic up with him once, when we were on the trail. Not that I expected him to be with me, although if he'd shown any interest...but he had no idea what I was talkin' about. He really is that innocent. Not naive, though."

"And then there was Casey," Buck added.

"Yeah," the other two said in unison.

"So...I knew that my feelings for JD were much more about friendship anyway, and he loves Casey. And there were two other people, even then, who I knew I could feel much more for than I could ever feel for JD. Not that I ever expected this ."

"I don't think any of us did," Chris replied. "Not even back when we were together before."

"How'd that ever happen, anyway?" Vin asked, curious.

"Now there's a story for ya," Buck grinned at him.

"Were ya both the first? You know, for each other?"

"No," Buck said.

"For me, yes," Chris replied.

"So there was someone else for you, Buck?"

"Yeah," the big man replied, a look of remembrance in his eyes.

He began to speak.

"Ya know about my ma. That she was a lady of...easy virtue, as the polite people put it. And I grew up in the house she worked in. A'course, the first gal I was ever with was one of the girls there. Pretty little thing, actually got out of that life and married a banker or somethin'. Anyways, there were also a coupla guys workin' there. Mostly for the rich ladies who would send their butlers for 'em. I swear half the heirs to old money in San Francisco are really from the loins of those fellas who worked with my ma. And there were a couple of others. They wouldn't be with the women, except if a fella had a yen to try somethin' a little different, and wanted a gal and a guy. Happened an awful lot. I always thought that they really wanted the fella, but needed the gal to make it like it was more acceptable or somethin'. But what those guys really specialised in was being with the men. Sometimes they turned to each other on a slow night. One day, I was fifteen, you know, just when you're finally figuring out what gals are for. I walked in on two of them. They were sucking on each other. I was shocked, I gotta admit. I never thought guys would do that, you know, together. I thought about it a bit, and asked ma. She would never lie to me about anything. She always said that she wanted me to ask, rather than go find out by myself and do somethin' stupid. Which is why she let me be with one of the gals when I turned fifteen. And I liked it. A lot. So when I saw those fellas, I asked ma about it. She told me that some people like to be with someone like them. Someone who can be with them and know how to touch them and hold them and make them feel good 'cause the same things make them feel good. It doesn't mean that they're wrong or unnatural, like some people think, because if it's something that makes both of you happy, how can it be wrong? I've always been grateful that she looked at it that way. Anyway, a couple of years later, a new fella came to work there. I'd thought about going with another of the fellas, back when I first found out about that kinda thing, but I couldn't ever ask. This fella Antonio, he was half-Mexican...god, I'd never had a reaction like that to anyone. He was one of the most beautiful people I'd ever seen. We became friends first. I wanted that too. I knew that he was a...professional, and I knew I didn't have a chance in hell at anything permanent with him. I don't think I wanted it, to be honest. I just wanted to be with him. I wanted him to be the first man...my first male lover. And he was. He taught me everything I know about being with a man. After him, I was never with another man. I never found another man I wanted . Until Chris. And that was, and is, so different. I never, ever thought I'd fall in love so deeply with another man. You didn't even enter into my thought processes, Vin. But I am so thankful, so grateful, that there are simply no words."

Vin gave Buck a devilish smile. "Ya don't seem to be havin' much trouble with 'em. Words, I mean."

"You know me, Vin. I just talk till it makes sense or someone tells me to shut up. Or till ya shut me up," he added with a lascivious wink that made Vin blush hotly.

"So how did you and Chris...?"

As Buck told the story, with occasional input from Chris, Vin's mind formed the picture of his lovers, a little younger, a little less hardened by tragedy, but somehow not the men he knew and loved, for that was a part of them for him, one of the parts he loved so much about them.

Chris was fending off a woman's rather blatant invitation when he saw the horse ride in. He had been hoping to meet up with Buck, it had been a few months since they'd seen each other.

Chris would never forget that first sight of Buck after so long. He stood, just inside the batwing doors of the saloon, the sun at his back. He seemed to glow in the light of the sun. Chris tried to dismiss the feeling that tingled along his nerve endings as response to the stimulus of the woman who finally gave up when Buck politely asked her to move so he could sit next to his friend.

"So that's it," she hissed as she stalked off. Chris didn't know what the woman was talking about, until he realised just how close to him Buck was sitting. Chris wasn't that naive, he'd heard enough about houses of ill repute and what men sometimes did on the long trails to know what the woman was getting at. He'd never been tempted, personally. Until now, he realised. But surely that was not why Buck was sitting so close to him. How could he ask? If he was wrong, he might find himself on the wrong end of Buck's gun, not to mention that it would destroy their friendship. Better not to push it, Chris thought.

Buck stretched a little, groaning as his muscles protested. "Chris, later, I want ya to give me a back rub, okay?"

"Okay," Chris agreed, wondering if he could possibly keep from betraying the thoughts that were racing through his mind if he were actually touching the other man.

"Chris, what is it?" Buck asked, attuned to the change in Chris's demeanour.

"Buck, I can't talk about it now. Please don't ask me to."

The big man knew better than to continue. He turned to other topics of conversation.

"So, are there any pretty young things who would like to go for a walk by the lake?" he asked, eyebrows raising.

"The woman who left when you got here is the only one over fifteen and under fifty in town, aside from the working girls," Chris answered, thinking that life would be so much easier for him if there was a woman who could distract him. But it was not to be.

Buck looked at his friend again, and the fantasies he'd had since meeting Chris began to play in his mind again. Then he realised that Chris didn't know he was looking at him, and that Chris was looking at him . Hungrily. That was the only word to describe it. He'd never seen Chris look at anyone like that before. Never. And now Chris was looking at him that way. Could that be what his friend had not wanted to talk about? Buck knew that his feelings for Chris could lead to a commitment, if that was what they both wanted. Or he could take a night's pleasure with him if that was what they needed, nothing more than that. It all depended on what Chris's feelings were. Chris was right about one thing. Now was not the time or place. But maybe upstairs in a few minutes would be.

Buck went to the barkeep and arranged for a bathtub, hot water, oil and the use of sheets that they wouldn't be charged extra for if they became covered in oil. Then he decided to add a touch of interest to the proceedings. If Chris responded to it, he would have an idea of where things stood. Buck also ordered a light meal. If he had his way, they would not be coming downstairs again tonight, so this would be their only chance to eat. Chris did look up wonderingly as he heard Buck order the food, it was a little early, but he didn't comment.

The barkeep agreed, and began sending things upstairs. Buck joined Chris for another drink before moving up to the room, ostensibly to take a bath and to give each other a backrub after the long ride each had endured earlier that day.

After they finished eating, Chris and Buck made their way upstairs. Buck let Chris into the room first, and was pleasantly surprised by the gasp of pleasure as Chris took in the sight of candles on every flat surface in the room. He turned and looked at Buck, who seemed to rather interested in a painting hanging beside the door. He slowly looked into Chris's eyes, and the reassurance Chris saw there made him able to speak.

"Candles?" He never said that he was a man of many words.

"Chris," Buck was never at a loss for words, but he was choosing them carefully now, he didn't want to end up on the wrong end of Chris's gun, which he still could, even though Chris had sounded more hesitant than angry a moment ago. "I...saw how you looked at me earlier, and if I read you wrong, I am so sorry, and we'll forget this if that's what you want."

"What if it isn't what I want?" Chris asked, softly.

"You mean that?"

"Buck, I think we better talk about it inside, don't you? And for the record, right now, all I want to do is talk, okay?"

Buck nodded as he closed the door.

"Buck," Chris began, "I...god, how do I start?"

"Maybe I better," Buck suggested, continuing at Chris's quiet nod. "I told you about my ma, but I never told you about the fellas that worked in the house," and he told Chris about the incident when he was fifteen, and about Antonio. Then, taking a breath that seemed to last forever, he told Chris that he had wanted him since they had first met.

"It ain't been that long for me," Chris replied, "I never even thought of it till earlier tonight, when I saw you in the doorway of the saloon."

"Chris...I've gotta tell you, this is more than just a night to me. Do you feel that way too?"

"I don't know," Chris answered honestly, "I think it's too new for me to know yet. Can we let it happen as it happens?"

"Sounds good to me," Buck answered.

"How do we...start?" Chris asked, suddenly unsure.

"Well, I think relaxin's a good idea to start with. How about you give me that backrub, and I'll do the same for you?"

Chris agreed, and Buck lay on the bed after stripping his shirt off. Chris kneaded the muscles under his hands, and realised that he liked touching the other man, not just to release the tension, but as a pleasure in and of itself. Chris was almost disappointed when Buck said that it was his turn. Almost, because he wanted nothing more than to feel Buck's hands on his skin. It was then that he realised that he and Buck were going to be together tonight, and in a shy, hesitant whisper, he said that to Buck.

"Good," the big man replied, "I can start to get you ready and introduce you to a coupla pleasures right away. If you're ready?"

"I said I was," Chris answered. Buck removed his own clothing, and the rest of Chris's.

Buck smiled, and began rubbing the tension out of Chris's back. That was the first step, relax him as completely as possible. After he had turned Chris into a limp mass of flesh, Buck at last was able to lay a gentle kiss to the back of Chris's neck. Chris shivered with pleasure at the small touch, and Buck had to ask.

"Chris, how long has it been?"

"You know I told you it was never," Chris answered, a look of devilry in his eyes.

"I mean at all," Buck said, patiently.

"Couple months, maybe a little longer," Chris answered, "Not countin' my own hand, a'course."

Buck smiled, it was him, then. It hadn't been long enough for Chris to react so clearly to any stimulus. He kissed the sensitive area once more, the tremors of pleasure going through Chris's body again. Buck kissed a trail down Chris's spine, feeling the other man shudder under him. Chris was being driven wild by his friend, and he knew this would not be their only time together, although he knew that it could not be permanent. Chris knew that he wanted to be married, to have a child. He would be with Buck now, though, and for as long as he could be.

Chris wasn't sure how to react when Buck didn't stop at the base of his spine, but the feeling of that rough but gentle tongue on his skin was too good to stop. Chris did murmur a protest as that roving tongue found the groove between his cheeks, but the pleasure, the mind-numbing pleasure, was too much to do more than make a token protest. The wet tongue circling the untouched parts of his body was driving him closer to the edge, and Chris wanted Buck to take him there.

"BUCK!" he almost screamed as his entrance was breached by that wet tongue, half in surprise, half in almost unbearable pleasure. It felt so good , so unexpected. Chris groaned and pushed back onto that teasing, maddening tongue. Buck reached further inside the virgin heat of his friend, opening him as much as he could. After a few moments of giving Chris this pleasure, he had to stop, or he would drive them both over the edge too soon.

Buck gently turned Chris over, smiling as he saw the hard erection quiver with the movements of Chris's body.

"You are so beautiful," Buck murmured, kissing a trail up Chris's body. He smiled to see the flush spreading over the creamy skin as Chris registered the words, and as he began tonguing the hard points of his nipples. He left the reddened nubs, tracing his tongue over Chris's collarbone and up over his neck, heading for the lips that had featured in several of his self-induced orgasms. As he hovered over those lips, Chris seemed to shrink back. Buck threw his head back and laughed as he realised why, then before Chris could do more than look at him puzzledly, half-smiling in response to the infectious laughter, he took Chris's lips quickly, deepening the kiss as Chris groaned into it.

"Damn," Chris said as Buck separated from him at last, their lips clinging until the last possible moment.

"You okay?" Buck asked, knowing that things were intense for him, and they would be that much more so for Chris.

"Very okay," Chris answered, touching Buck for the first time. Just a brush of fingertips down his sides, but it was the first touch Chris had made of his own volition.

"Do you want more?" Buck asked, wanting to take his friend, but only if that was what he wanted.

"Yes," Chris answered. "I want to feel you...I want you to take me. How can you do that, though?"

Buck told him, and Chris smiled.

"I did that with a...lady, once. A couple years ago now, but I guess if that little gal could take me, I can take you."

"I'll take it slow and careful, Chris. It's the only way to do it the first time," Buck murmured between kisses. He reached for the oil, and began to prepare Chris, who tensed a little at the first finger sliding inside him. Buck knew what he needed to do, and after asking Chris to let him know if he was hurting, began to probe gently, searching for that spot Antonio had shown him. He felt Chris jump when he found it, and as he added a second, then a third finger, he continued to stroke it. Chris moaned, and Buck reached around with his other hand, feeling the moisture dripping from Chris's erection.

Chris turned as Buck removed his fingers, seeing the other man about to slick oil onto himself.

"Let me...?" Chris entreated. Buck handed the oil to him, and felt the hesitant touch of Chris's fingers applying the oil to his hardness. When Chris judged that he was slickened enough, and Buck nodded in agreement, he let Buck go, reluctantly.

Buck told Chris to get to his hands and knees, knowing that although he'd love to see Chris's face as they made love, this position was easier for the first time. Buck positioned himself carefully behind Chris, entering him slowly to the accompaniment of groans from both of them. Buck knew he couldn't last long, and he decided not to bring Chris off too quickly, there were other things that he wanted to do with his lover...lover. That paused him for a moment, and he knew that his feelings for Chris were deeper than lust. Still, it could not be more, they could not be together forever, much as he wanted that. Chris pushed impatiently against him, and he let the thoughts drift out of his mind again, letting the lust take over. He thrust into and out of Chris, the passage easier each time, and before long he was filling Chris with his essence. He pulled out gently, rolling Chris onto his back. Chris looked pleadingly at him, begging for release, and Buck teasingly kissed him everywhere but the place he most needed to be touched, spending long moments on his hardened nipples.

Finally, Buck descended on Chris's erection, taking it deeply into his mouth. The feeling of the warm cavern of Buck's mouth was too much for Chris, and a moment later his seed spilled down Buck's throat, to the accompaniment of loud moans of passion.

"Wow," Chris said as Buck let his sensitised penis slip out of his mouth.

"It was okay?"

"No," Chris teased, "It was incredible. Okay is not the word for it."

"Would you...be interested in doing this again some time?"

"Is later tonight too soon?" Chris asked.

Buck was taken aback for a moment, but recovered himself quickly.

"You're sure?"

"Very sure. I wouldn't mind taking you this time, though. If you like that."

"I like it, and I would love to feel you in me. I want you to know it all, Chris, how wonderful this all can feel."

"Buck...this isn't just...just sex, you know."

"Are you sure? You said it'd been a while."

"It's been a while, because I don't just have sex with anyone, and I haven't met anyone who I wanted more than sex with in that time. I need more than a warm body. But you, god, Buck, I care for you so much already...this is like an extension of that. I care about you, you know."

"Me too," Buck replied.

"So how long before we can do this again?" Chris asked.

"Whenever you're ready," Buck answered.

"How about now?" Chris asked, as he nudged Buck's hip with his growing erection.

Buck sighed and gave himself up to the passion that was flooding his senses again.

"Wow," Vin murmured as Buck finished the tale.

"Yeah, that was pretty good," Buck agreed, "But it's better now, you know. Because you're here."

Chris nodded, smiling as Vin yawned hugely.

"I need some sleep. This slavedriver," Vin pointed at Chris, "Decided to pick me for the seven am patrol."

"Yeah, because I thought I was gonna be stuck in town till about now. JD decided to get enthusiastic, though, and took my patrol. I suppose it was a good thing that I talked to Josiah and asked him to take your patrol before I came out here, wasn't it?" Chris replied.

"Ya mean we've got time to...?" Vin asked.

"I hope so," Chris grinned, pulling him from Buck's lap.

Buck got up, placing his arms around both of his lovers, and they moved to the bedroom, a unit of laughter and love.

The End