Purgatory

ONE

Vin threw back another shot of whiskey, his third, and glared from the corner of his eye. Something about that woman was just... not right. He could smell loco on anyone, from twenty paces or more, and this woman reeked of it. Buck and JD were already on their way to Purgatorio, and Vin could sense the triumph wafting off of Ella whatever-her-name-was.

Vin had flatly refused, fifty dollars or none, to ride out and fetch Larabee. No amount of money was worth watching Chris yet again in another drunken rut with one of his whores. Not this time. And all Vin would accomplish was bringing Chris from one whore to another.

Hell, that wasn't fair, and Vin knew it. Ella might be one possessive, calculating woman, but that didn't make her a whore. Having a thing for Larabee didn't make any person a whore, 'cause if that was the case, Vin would be one, too. Nope, having a thing for Chris just made a person one of those who got kicked a lot and came back for more. And Vin, he figured he'd been kicked enough lately. No way was he going to put himself through watching Chris in his condition with the whores of Purgatorio only to bring him back and watch him reminisce with this Ella woman.

"Miss? I think Van, here, could use another." Woman's voice set his skin to itching, and he knew damned well she'd done that with his name on purpose.

"No, thank ya ma'am. I've had enough." He glanced over, trying to keep his face blank. He didn't have to like the woman, but he'd agreed to do a job for her, so he'd be as polite as he could manage.

"You sure, Vin?" Inez waved the bottle a bit, question in her eyes.

"I'm sure, thanks, Inez," he said with a smile just for the feisty barkeep.

"Vin, that's right. How clumsy of me," Ella said with an apologetic tilt of her head.

"Somehow, I don't think there's a clumsy thing about you, Ms. Gaines," Vin replied, and when it was obvious from the hard line of her lips that she heard the accusation in that statement, he added, "it was just a mistake, is all".

"Well. Vin. Have yourself an enjoyable night. I think it's time for me to retire." She gave him one more long look, sizing him up, and turned to go as Vin tipped his hat goodnight.

Inez was watching her leave, he could tell. A second later, she turned to him and shook her head. "There is something about that woman..."

"I know. I feel it, too."

Inez nodded and glanced curiously toward the doors again, chewing a little on her lower lip. "So do this job for her, but don't turn your back on her."

"I don't plan on it," Vin assured her.

+ + + + + + +

Hell fire. Vin was so boiling mad he wanted to hit something. Or someone.

Vin had been a patient, patient man. It was simple, really. Chris wasn't anywhere near ready to say goodbye to the memories of his wife and son. He wasn't anywhere near ready to face the guilt of moving on without 'em. So, he'd dealt with his ghosts and his guilt by swimming in a whiskey bottle and rutting with whore after whore. Whores didn't expect love and they didn't try to give it, so it was easy... for Chris. He could unleash without betraying his family by caring for anyone new.

Hadn't been so easy for Vin. 'Cause in between the whores and the drunken rages, there had been promises-- unspoken but clear-- that someday, when Chris was ready to admit he had a heart, there'd be a spot in it for his partner. And it would be more than a cheap fuck. Seeing as Vin thought he and Chris were worth more than that, the only thing he could do if he wanted those promises, was to wait-- and sit back in silence every time Chris went off on another binge.

Not easy. Hell, that was an understatement. Vin had been making payments every damned day on the high price of someday having Chris, whole and at peace, with him and not in some stinkin' whore's bed saturated more with liquor than human feeling.

All of that damned waiting and watching, and suddenly Chris is telling him that he's settling down with Ella? He didn't even have the balls-- or the decency-- to tell him alone, give him any warning. Nope, Vin got the news same as everyone else, standing in front of Ella's house, the whole lot of them. Vin deserved better than that; he knew it, and by God, Chris knew it, too.

How the hell had it happened? What did the woman have that suddenly made it so easy for Chris to just give up his demons and settle down? It wasn't what was in her bloomers that did it for Chris, Vin was sure of that. If all it took was being a pretty woman and being after him, then Mary would have landed him long since. No, there was more to it than there being a female body in the drawers.

Whatever it was, Ella knew how to pluck the strings on Chris' fiddle, that was for damn sure. Hell, maybe that was just it. Maybe it was easy because Chris didn't have to feel something new for someone; all he had to do was live on old, familiar feelings from the past without having to break new ground. Taking the worn out paths was always easier than blazing new ones.

So all Chris had done was thrown away what he and Vin had been slowly nursing together so he could take the easy road. He'd never have taken Chris for that kind of coward, but there it was.

The ride to Redfork wasn't so long. He'd told Chris he was planning to check and make sure Jack and his pals were really gone, and that was just what he was going to do. Among other things. That certain something that smelled funny about Ella was beginning to stink to high heaven, and even if Chris' nose wasn't working, Vin's was. No matter what the hell Chris thought he was doing, Vin didn't plan to let that easy path go unchecked. Chris might be willing to walk it blindly, but Vin wasn't.

He spurred his horse into a harder gallop, trying to escape the accusation of what was really eating away at him. But it didn't matter how fast he went, the ugly word 'jealousy' chased along right behind him.

+ + + + + + +

Standing there in that suit, Chris didn't even look like himself. It was like staring at a whole new person, and as Vin began his clumsy telling of what he'd learned about Ella in Redfork, he found himself trying to reach the real Chris hidden inside that steely gaze.

"The woman is no good, Chris." He tried to will Larabee to listen, but dammit, the man just couldn't hear him.

"I'm gonna forget you said that." The look Chris pinned him with was the coldest, hardest Vin had ever seen-- at least directed at him. He had to force himself to stand up straight under its weight.

"Come sunrise, then, I'll be going." And Vin meant it, too. He'd told Chris what he knew about Ella and her lies. If Chris still chose to stay with the woman, and to turn Vin away, then that was all there was to it; the choice had been made. Vin had done what he could, and he'd lost.

He turned and went out the door without a backward glance. He only half-expected Chris to call him back, so he was only half-crushed when he didn't.

Hurt like hell, no two ways about it. Vin couldn't help but feel cheated. Oh, he knew it was petty, feeling like someone else had stolen the rewards of his patience. But he was human, damn it all, and every now and then, he felt like he deserved something for the shit he'd been through.

But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to wallow over it while still at Ella's. He still had some dignity left in his sorry self, and he aimed to keep it. She might have gotten Chris with her manipulating, but she wasn't going to take Vin's self-respect.

He was tempted to go ahead and start back to Four Corners right away, and say to hell with waiting for morning. But he'd already done a lot of riding, and both he and Peso could use the rest. Sun-up would come soon enough, and then Vin could get out of there, and start licking his wounds properly.

+ + + + + + +

Vin had never felt so mixed up in all his life. The drive to find and put a bullet in Ella Gaines was pretty damned strong. He could only imagine how it burned Chris inside. But he couldn't help the anger that still raged inside of himself. He couldn't help but feel that Chris had somehow betrayed him, turned his back on him. Vin was at war with himself, his anger at Chris doing battle with the sympathy he felt for him.

Chris had taken to snarling and barking at anyone who came near him, so Vin had finally decided to take his hateful hide back to the ranch, where nobody else could fall victim to his temper. Nathan had not only given Vin the clear to take Chris there to recuperate, he'd pretty much saddled the horses for them and pushed their butts out of town. That left Vin as Chris' sole target while he was on the mend. It was the longest damned two weeks of Vin's life.

Lucky for both of them, Chris was finally fit enough to be left alone, because one more day of taking Chris' shit, and Vin would snap for certain and that couldn't mean anything good for either of them. The plan was to leave that evening, just after supper, if he could hold out that long. It was a damned close call, more than once.

Vin spent the day working on his leathers, oiling down his saddle and bridle, trying to stay clear of Larabee's temperamental wood chopping. He took a peek now and then, to make sure Chris was really swinging with a full range of motion, but otherwise he left him alone, even when Chris was bellowing at him over one thing or another.

Finally, the day was wearing out, and Vin was ready to get some food in his belly and get back to town. Cleaned up and his stuff on the porch ready to go, Vin gave the pot another stir and grabbed a couple of Chris' tin plates.

Chris stomped in the door and tossed his hat on the table. Well, if it wasn't Mr. Good Mood himself. Vin clenched his jaw and turned away as Chris eyed the pot suspiciously.

"What day is it?" Chris finally asked.

"Sunday. Why?" Vin turned back, waiting for whatever Chris was going to throw at him next.

"Dumplings, huh?" Chris slopped the spoon around in the pot.

"It's easy enough for even an idiot like me, all right? You got a problem with dumplings, Larabee?" Vin tossed the plates on the table.

Chris shoved the spoon back in the pot and then mumbled something, but the only part of it Vin heard was 'little woman'.

"What the hell are you going on about now?" Vin stood with his hands on his hips, more than fed up.

"Vin, just what in God's name do you want from me?"

Damn. Chris looked just as confused and mixed up as Vin felt. But now that Chris had asked, Vin knew he had to get it all out. He felt bad for Chris, but felt just as bad for himself and everyone else who'd been unlucky enough to get in Chris' path lately.

"What do I want? Not a hell of a lot. I want you to decide who ya got room for in your life and who ya don't. I want you to stop tormenting the people who've been dumb enough to care about you."

Chris sat and played with the brim of his hat. "I never asked anybody to give a damn about me. Only asked 'em for the loyalty I have due me."

"You never asked... hell, Chris. What about Mary? You never asked her to get feelings for ya. But if you ain't never gonna have a place for her, you could have told her long ago and not left her wondering and waiting for ya. If you don't have room for people, you owe it to 'em to let 'em know, and it don't matter if you asked 'em to care for ya or not."

Vin took in a deep breath and then let it out in a frustrated gust. Chris' chuckling brought Vin's gaze back to the table.

"That's what this is all about?" Chris looked up at him, but despite the chuckling, he had a cold, hard look in his eyes. "You're jealous of Mary? I haven't told her to stop waiting for me, so you're jealous? Hell, Vin. I guess that explains the Sunday Dumplings and you trying to play 'the little woman.'"

Vin's insides seethed. What the hell had he wanted with Chris Larabee anyway? It sure as all hell wasn't this. Before he knew it, his own temper had reached its limit. With a hard kick, one of the table chairs splintered across the room and Chris pinned him with a dangerous glare. Vin wasn't scared in the least. "I haven't watched over your worthless hide for this, Larabee."

"Then why have you done it? Just what do you expect it to cost me? You don't need me to tell you exactly what I got to give you, any more than Mary needs that. You both know what I can give ya, and that's nothing. I never promised either of you a damn thing."

Vin swallowed hard but didn't break that tense eye contact. "You don't have to speak words to make promises, Chris."

Chris stood and stretched out his arms in question. "Just what have I promised you? And if I didn't do it with words, how did I do it?"

Hell, those weren't just questions, that was a challenge. Chris wanted him to have to say outloud how Vin knew there was something between them. If Vin let it go, that would be the end of it forever, and dammit they both knew that.

"Playing dumb don't suit you, Larabee. Neither does being a chicken. Never took you for a chicken til all this." There. Now they both had a challenge laid in front of them.

A split second later, the second chair met the same fate as the first, this time from Larabee's kick.

"Just 'cause I don't want something, doesn't mean I'm scared of it. And it doesn't mean I promised it to anybody."

"But you did, Chris! Every damn time you..." Hell, how could he say it?

"Every time I what?" Victory gleamed in Chris' eyes.

Vin stood as straight as he could. He had nothing to be ashamed of. "Every time you leaned a little closer than you had to; every time you looked longer than you needed to; every damned time you kept your hands on me longer than I expected you to; every time I dragged you out of another stinkin' whore's bed and you held on to me for dear life, while I helped get you sobered up, you made a promise to me."

Chris nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing. "So I got it all wrong. Isn't Mary you're jealous of. It's the whores."

Vin snapped. He launched himself, with his whole body, toward Chris, both tripping over the remains of the chairs and barely managing to stay on their feet. Vin slammed Chris against the wall. "I ain't nobody's whore."

Chris was full of his own rage, though, and before Vin knew it, they'd reversed positions, and he was the one pressed to the wall. "'Course you're not, Tanner. I'll still give ya what I give them, fix this jealousy thing once and for all. Hell, I'll give you what I gave the bitch, too, since we both know just how jealous you were of that."

With a growl, Vin pushed off the wall, and he and Chris landed on the floor with a thud. "You're welcome to try, Larabee. And if ya live through it, you're welcome to take what you want." A shake of Chris' shoulders made his head crack against the hard wood of the floor, but Chris obviously wasn't about to let that stop him. With a grunt of his own he pushed and yanked, looking for leverage, and finally found enough to shake Vin loose and get him pinned underneath.

"Ain't what I want you're talkin about, Tanner. It's what I promised you, right? Well, if it's a fuck you want, it's a fuck you're gonna get!"

When Chris' mouth latched on to Vin's neck, he froze for a second, shocked by the feel of Chris' lips and teeth on his flesh. Suddenly it wasn't just a scuffle and vicious, threatening words anymore. Chris bit down again harder and squeezed his grip on Vin's wrists tighter, and panic set in along with the anger. He squirmed and shoved best he could, but Chris had him pinned but good. "Larabee! What the devil's got into you? I ain't the enemy, damn it!"

Chris stilled, then slowly sat up, still straddling Vin's waist. His eyes were bright and damp from the fire burning him alive. "You don't get it, do you? The enemy is anybody it would hurt to lose. I just don't have any hurt left in me to spare."

Vin sighed and shook his head. "Horse shit."

"What?"

"You heard me. Horse shit. You don't turn people away just cause you might be startin' to give a damn. You been drug though hell, Chris, but that don't give you cause to drag with ya the people who care about you. It ain't fair. Make up your mind who you want around and what you want 'em around for, and be honest about it. 'Cause if you don't, we all get hurt. And maybe we ain't got it to spare, neither."

Chris closed his eyes and breathed out, hard, then looked straight into Vin's eyes. "You want honest? Here it is. I can't guarantee what I'll have to give tomorrow or the next day. All I can tell ya is what I have right now. Might not be exactly what you want, but it's more than I got for any other person alive."

Vin licked his dry lips and tried to make sense of it. Chris was telling him not to wait anymore. That this might be as good as it was gonna get-- an angry fuck on the hard floor of Chris' cabin. After all of his holding on for something better, could he live with that? Even if it was more than what Chris had for anyone else, it didn't mean it was enough.

Chris bent down again, his lips going to the same spot they'd been on before. Chris' tongue snaked out and licked the sensitive flesh there. Vin closed his eyes as his heart sped up. Chris' head inched over to Vin's throat, his tongue laving over his adam's apple as Vin swallowed. It was pure reflex to reach up and clutch at Chris' back.

Dammit, it was hard to think with a hungry, horny Larabee laying over him. But if he gave in now, would he ever mean anything more to Chris than the whore he'd left behind in Purgatorio? Could he live with himself if he willingly let himself be Chris' whore?

Chris nudged him, groin to groin, and Vin felt the length of hardness in Chris' trousers pushing against his own. The friction made him dizzy with want. He wanted that hard length, wanted to feel it in hands, and God help him, wanted to feel it inside him.

Before he could consciously decide, he found himself tugging at Chris' shirt, trying to get it out of his trousers and off his body. Lord God, he knew with every yank on Chris' shirt that he just couldn't live with having Chris this close only to give it all up. Tomorrow and the next day be damned, he had to take what was in front of him before he lost that, too.

Chris' hands were as shaky as his, he realized, as they worked on the buttons of his shirt. With a growl of frustration, Chris finally just pulled the shirt apart, sending buttons skittering across the floor. Jesus. Vin's erection strained hard inside his buckskins. He jerked Chris' shirt over his head and tossed it aside.

When Chris went for Vin's neck again, Vin went for Chris'. His first taste of Chris' flesh, salty and tangy, sent Vin's blood racing through his veins. He wanted more. He swept his hands over Chris' back, then to his chest, where he stopped to rub the taut nipples he found there with his thumbs.

It was so easy to drop his hands to the waist of Chris' trousers. Chris moaned into Vin's ear, the hot gust of breath making him shiver. Chris sat up again and went to work on his trousers himself, Vin apparently not working fast enough. Vin closed his eyes to try to calm himself. When he opened them, Chris had the trousers and underwear gone, and was just settling over him again, this time on Vin's bare chest. Vin looked him in the eye and nodded once.

Chris slowly slid up, between Vin's pectorals, and toward Vin's waiting mouth. Without a second thought, he opened up, and Chris' dick glided between his lips and over his tongue. Musky and strong, the taste and scent filled Vin's senses. He breathed out through his nose, and began to suck. Chris groaned, and pumped in and out of Vin's mouth.

Chris kept at it for long minutes, fucking Vin's face while he kept Vin's eyes imprisoned with his. Chris pulled out then and let out a long breath. He sat up, and pulled Vin with him. They stood, neither saying a word but it felt like they were almost daring each other to look away, until Chris grinned with a savage glint in his eyes, turned Vin around, reached in front of him and cupped his hands over Vin's covered crotch.

Chris walked him to the bed, his hands busy all the while getting Vin's buckskins undone, and stopped when they were at the side. By the time Vin had his boots kicked off, Chris had roughly pulled Vin's trousers and underwear down his legs. God. He was really going to do this. No turning back now, even if he wanted to.

He stepped out of the pants, and at Chris' pushing on his shoulders, sank to his knees. "Bend over." The command was hoarse, and it gave Vin another case of the shivers. He did as he was told, though, and let the bed support his chest. The quilt felt cool against his cheek, and he fisted his hands into it to ground himself. He closed his eyes and just waited for whatever would come next. He'd gotten good at waiting, he realized.

He listened to Chris shuffling around the cabin and tried not to think about how damned submissive he probably looked, bent over Chris' bed like that, ready to let the man fuck him in his ass. He was never gonna be the same again, but that could also be said for Chris, he knew now. They were both giving up something they hadn't planned on-- at least not this way.

The warm, calloused hand suddenly on his rump startled him. "You wanna spread yourself for me?"

Echoes of the words, 'Like a good whore,' while not spoken, whispered through Vin's mind anyway. He did as asked of him despite that mental accusation, and reached around. He pulled his cheeks apart, and instantly felt the draft of the cabin against that private part of himself. The cool puffs made his hole spasm, and he wasn't sure if Chris saw it and if that was the cause of the pleased little grunt he heard. For some reason, Vin couldn't make himself care. He felt too good to care.

Chris' fingers, greasy with what was probably the chicken fat from supper, began playing over the sensitive flesh between his cheeks. Vin spread himself further, and one of those fingers slid right into him, slow and deep. The sensastions seemed to ripple from his hole right up to his stomach.

"Nice and tight," Chris murmured, working in and out of Vin with one hand while rubbing his back with the other. Lord. Vin pressed his face harder into the quilt and rocked a little into the motion of Chris' finger-fucking. His balls swayed gently with his movements, but his hard dick stayed flat up against his belly, leaking a little at the tip.

Chris' fingers moved away, and then Vin felt the flared head of Chris' dick pressing against him. It was like being torn open at first, and Vin swung his hands up to the bed, to grip the quilt once again. Chris didn't slow down or pull back; he just kept pressing against him, until finally he popped through, then he just kept moving, in a long, steady push til he was all the way in.

Hurt like hell, but he'd wanted it. Wanted Chris inside him, a part of him, and now he had him. Didn't matter if a dozen or more whores had had Chris this way; now was Vin's time, his turn to be touched deep inside. The pain eased a little with each deep breath, and Vin told himself that he still wasn't anyone's whore; he was just a man. A man who had wants and temptations, and who could only wait in purgatory so long before he had to let himself be touched.

"God, Vin." A lot like Chris.

Gone was the pain, and in its place, a flood of sensation that made his whole body tingle. Chris pulled out and then shoved right back in again, hard, and both of them groaned. Chris pressed his chest against Vin's back and nuzzled into Vin's hair. He began slow, short thrusts that didn't pull out far, but allowed him to stay deep inside of Vin-- and allowed him to stay plastered to Vin's body. Chris felt so warm, so alive against him.

"Oh, God... Chris," Vin said with a whisper. It was so good, so right. "Touch me."

"Mmm." Chris stroked from Vin's thigh, to his hip, and around to cup his balls. Lord! Chris' touch was feather light, and still slippery. Finally, his fingers fluttered up the length of Vin's dick, and Vin shook from head to toe. Chris' hand closed around him in a firm grip, and he began to tug.

Chris pumped harder and faster as he pulled on Vin's dick, and all Vin could do was hang on for the ride. The feelings grew and pooled right in his balls, and God, they could only hold so much before Vin had to scream with the need to let it all go.

"Come for me, Vin."

One strong stroke on Vin's dick, then another, and the pressure released as Vin came hard, spurting on the frame of the bed as Chris thrust into him one last time and let out a scream of his own.

For a minute, all Vin could hear was thump of his heart beating against his chest. When it slowed a little, he recognized the sounds of ragged breathing, his own and Chris'. He couldn't help the quivers that ran through his body, both from the chill in the room and from the aftershocks of his climax. Soft lips brushed over his shoulder and he shook even harder.

"Come on, then," Chris whispered and tugged him up onto the bed, and under the quilt.

Vin rolled over, his back to Chris, and Chris didn't move to stop him. Chris stayed close to him, though; close enough that his breath was warm on Vin's neck, and close enough that it wasn't much of a reach to stroke his hand over Vin's hip. The tenderness was almost cruel, teasing him with the promises that Chris had denied making.

"Not so sure I've done either of us any favors," Chris said softly, his hand still moving over Vin's body.

"What's done is done," Vin answered, surprised at how hoarse he sounded. "We're both gonna have to live with it, now."

Seemed to Vin that they'd both traded one kind of purgatory for another. Only tomorrow and the next day would tell if it was for better or for worse.

And as Chris had said, there were no guarantees.

TWO

Chris had been a real sonofabitch lately, and he knew it. Didn't plan on making any apologies for it, neither. He'd just had the scabs of his nightmares ripped open and had salt smeared into the wounds. If he tended to be on the surly, nasty side for a while after that, well then the whole damned world was just gonna have to live with it for the time being.

He was too raw and bleeding to give a damn whether people thought he ought to just get on with living. People just didn't seem to understand that three years or three days, the images were too damned vivid. He'd just managed to stop seeing Sarah's and Adam's deaths in his head every time he drifted to sleep, when that bitch brought it all back again, in horrifying color. Didn't matter that Chris hadn't actually witnessed it. His mind conjured up for him all he needed to know about his family's last minutes alive.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw it. Saw his little boy crying out for him as the flames licked savagely at his young skin. Saw his wife's beautiful hair singed to her scalp and her flesh melted from her body as she screamed in agony until the smoke choked her to her last breath.

Pelted nonstop with the sights, sounds and the sickening stench of their deaths, how the hell could anyone expect him to come back to Four Corners the same man who'd rode out?

Hell. Maybe they didn't expect it of him, and he just needed an excuse to snap and bark at them all. Maybe he needed to believe they didn't understand his pain so he wouldn't have to face their sympathy.

It was bad enough he had to look Vin's sympathy in the eye every damned day.

Jesus. Even after what Chris had done to him-- or tried to do to him-- Vin still had that look of understanding in his eyes every time Chris snarled at him. Well, almost every time. There'd been a few moments last Sunday when that look was replaced with seething. Those moments had almost been a relief; would have been if Chris' conscience hadn't taken an ill-timed opportunity to rare its ugly head and sneak a little remorse into his sorry soul.

That remorse had opened the door to the most crippling fear Chris could imagine possible; the fear that he'd have to do this all over again if he allowed himself to care again as deeply as he'd cared for Sarah and Adam.

Being a real shit with people in town had been reflex to his pain. Being a real shit to Vin was as simple as survival. Chris just knew, right down to his bones, that letting Vin any more into his heart would lead to it being ripped right out of his chest and that he would just bleed to death.

Chris still didn't know what the blazes got into him that night, bringing Vin in close like that as a way of turning him away. Shoulda known even as he started it that it would take them nowhere good. Hell, it didn't take much to see that he wanted Vin. Maybe he was trying to have it both ways; satisfy the hunger for Vin that had always been there and at the same time make it so cold and uncaring that he wouldn't risk Vin coming back for more. Chris was just plain out of his head, no other explanation for it.

Each step he'd taken that night, he'd half-expected Vin to stop them, say he'd had enough, and then Chris would be let off that hook he'd snagged himself on. Hadn't happened that way, though. Wasn't nearly everything Vin wanted-- what he deserved-- but despite a couple moments of panic, he'd let Chris do as he pleased.

Vin thought Chris treated him like he was Lydia, Maria, or the countless other working girls Chris had taken to bed. Except Chris hadn't treated him like them at all. He'd been colder. He'd never tried to make any of those women feel bought and used; he'd only been looking to ease the urges that every man had. Those women hadn't tried to love him and they hadn't tried to get love. They hadn't been any kind of threat to the walls inside of him that protected his memories of Sarah and Adam. Vin, though...

He would be there at the ranch any time now. He'd been there every day since last Sunday, swinging by as he rode the areas outside of town, patrolling for trouble. He'd stayed just long enough to see that Chris was still on the mend and to make Chris a little bit sorry he was leaving, despite the tension between them. Today would be different, though. It was Sunday again, a full week since Chris was ready to be left alone and enough time for Chris to be officially healed. Today, Vin would be here to bring him back into the world of the living and he wouldn't have to get back out to patrol. Today, Vin would try to get things settled between them.

About the only conclusion Chris could come to was that he needed to just come right out and say that it had been a big mistake. He didn't want to lose the friend that Vin had become, and so that meant being man enough to shoulder responsibility for what had happened. He owed Vin that much, at least. The absolute trust the man had placed in him, time and again, right up to that night, demanded Chris' respect, and Chris would give it to him. As far as he could without putting himself at risk again, anyway.

Fat drops of rain began to fall and splatter in the dust just as Chris got his horse in the barn, and just as Vin came trotting over the ridge toward him. Chris pulled some extra hay from the big bale he'd just pulled from the loft and readied a stall for Vin's horse. By the time Vin was dismounting and leading the big gelding in, the rain was coming down harder, and the dust was turning to mud.

"Things quiet in town?" Chris asked, closing the stall door after Vin.

"Pretty much. Gonna get crazy this week, though. Got a new stage line coming through starting Tuesday, rumors already going around they'll be carrying more than passengers." Vin pulled water from the trough into a bucket and hefted it over the stall railing as he explained.

"Good thing I'll be ready to get back to it, then. Time to get things back where they were." Chris looked out the darkened skies and wet treeline rather than at Vin, but he could feel the holes his friend was staring into his back.

"So, you're ready to just let things be the way they were before she came along again, right?"

Chris did turn this time, hearing the troubled hitch in Vin's voice. "Yeah, Vin. I think it's for the best, for all of us."

"I s'pose that's the way it's gonna be, then. Seeing as you make all the decisions for everybody else." Vin flipped his hat off, letting it hang over his back, and ran his hands through his tangled hair. Without the shadow of the hat brim, Chris could tell he'd had a shave recently. Without any scruff over his face, Vin always looked as young as he was. Now, though, he looked young and just a little bit lost. Chris' fault, and Chris knew it.

"Not all the time, no. But in this, yes. I'm the one to let it get out of hand, so I'm the one who has to get it back again the way it was."

Vin nodded thoughtfully, then stalked closer. "You sure it's gonna be easy?"

Chris swallowed. Vin inched closer and closer, the lost look replaced with something predatory. "No, it ain't gonna be easy. But I'll do my part, and you'll do yours."

Damn. Vin was right in front of him, a hand-length away and staring right down at Chris' groin. He never imagined Vin putting him through this kind of test. And damned if he didn't feel himself start to throb inside his trousers, failing this test already. "Vin," he growled a warning.

"Don't worry, none, Larabee. I know what part you want from me."

Soon as he said it, Vin dropped to his knees and reached for the top button Chris' britches. He looked up at him, finally, and the mix of lust and hurt in those clear blue eyes made Chris twitch again. Hell, he wasn't so weak-kneed that he'd give in right here and now, was he? Not more than 10 seconds after telling Vin how it had to be?

The flaps of his trousers were open and Vin's hand was in his underwear and wrapped around his dick before he could even answer himself. Was this Vin's way of saying he could deal with the quick and dirty, their physical needs, without any other... complications?

Vin's mouth closed over the head of his dick, warm and wet. All rational thought took a siesta and Chris just let himself feel the bliss of soft suction. He leaned back against the center post and squeezed his eyes shut as Vin took him deeper. He couldn't help but thread his fingers into Vin's hair to guide the bob of his head as he sucked.

Just as Chris began to feel that tingly tightness in his balls, Vin pulled off of his dick and wrenched his hair free of Chris' hand. He tilted his head to the side, looking at Chris like he was trying to work out a puzzle.

"Ya know, Larabee? Come to think on it, you might be right. I'm gonna go make some coffee and study on it a bit more." Vin tugged his hat back on his head and dashed out into the rain for the cabin, leaving Chris staring after him with his hard dick sticking out of the flaps of his pants.

Chris tucked himself away again, muttering under his breath, anger building. He slapped his hand against the doorway of the barn as he followed Vin's path through the torrent, to the porch and on inside.

Vin's coat was off and hanging on one of the pegs, and his hat sat on the table. Making himself right at home, Chris saw, and leaning back in one of the table chairs. If Chris hadn't spent a good part of the last week fixing those chairs, he'd have kicked it out from under the smug bastard.

"I'm guessing you had some kinda point you were trying to make?" Chris spat.

"Hell, yeah," Vin said and crossed his hands casually over his belly. "I can be as thick-headed as the next man, Chris, but I ain't stupid and I can catch on. This ain't about the whores or Ella Gaines. It ain't about who you choose to fuck or whose mouth you put your dick in."

Chris shook his head. "We've already been through this, Vin. It's about you wanting more than a fuck and that being something I can't give you. Not now, maybe not ever."

It punched Chris in the gut when Vin's lips curled into a sad smile. "Wrong, pard. It's about both of us wanting more 'n a fuck, and you not facing why it scares the hell out of ya."

Chris turned his back, knowing Vin could see right inside of him. Of course he'd known that Vin had him pegged enough to see that Chris already had feelings for him. What the hell made him think he'd be able to get Vin to forget that? Chris had the sudden urge to run outside, escape the dangers inside for the rain, thunder and lightning building outside.

"Settle down, Larabee," Vin said in a low voice, like he was soothing a skittish horse. "I ain't gonna lay all this at your feet. I got some blame coming my way, too."

"Yeah?" Chris still didn't turn from the door, but the voice in his head telling him to run stopped shouting.

"Yeah, I do. Wasn't easy, ya know. Watching you go off with them women when you needed to let loose, when I was there the whole time. Jealousy is an ugly thing, Chris, and it can take hold of me same as any other person. I let it stop me from seeing how I wasn't making it any easier on ya."

A sudden flash of irritation, and Chris was finally motivated to turn around. "Oh, and that little thing you pulled in the barn, that was your way of taking some blame and making it easier on me?"

Surprisingly, Vin chuckled, and blushed a little. "Nah, that was me bein' a bastard when you got me mad. That was my way of tellin you that I can call some shots now and again myself."

"Jesus, Vin, you coulda just said it," Chris grumbled as he settled uneasily in the other chair at the table, remembering shoving his still hard dick back in his britches.

"That wouldn't have been as much fun," Vin said with a grin, before a more serious expression settled on his face. "But not much of this has been a Sunday picnic, Chris, and we can't go back and pretend none of it happened. We got things need settling, and ignoring 'em won't make 'em go away."

"It won't?" Chris found himself smiling, despite the coil of nausea in his stomach.

"'fraid not."

Chris rubbed his face with his palms then rested his forehead on them, elbows on the table. "So, you don't wanna go back and pretend it never happened between us. So what is your vote, Tanner?"

"I vote we be honest. With ourselves, and each other. For a change. Then take it from there."

Chris peeked up from between his hands, suspicion making him narrow his gaze. "There's a catch in there somewhere. I know you aren't letting me off the hook that easy."

"Didn't say it'd be easy. You probably ain't gonna like some of what I tell ya when I'm doing my share of bein honest."

Chris sighed, then sat back in the chair. "All right, then. Go on. This is your call, so you get to start."

Chris felt a strange flair of satisfaction when Vin squirmed in his seat. Helped a little to know Vin was as off-balance about this as he was.

"Well. I guess I ought to start with me bein' jealous. I ain't jealous of Mary, just so ya know. Ya don't love her, but you respect her enough not to turn to her when ya got needs. But the others..." Vin shook his head and his face took on a deeper blush than Chris had ever seen.

"Go on," Chris encouraged softly, getting curious despite himself.

"Lydia... She had her concerns about coming between you and Mary, and you and the town, but it never crossed her mind she might be comin between you and me. And then Maria. You never see any others but her when you cut out for Purgatorio. There was something you didn't mind giving them, and it weren't just sex. I didn't like it, but I was dealing with it. 'Til Ella came along." Vin stopped, his eyes searching the shelf holding the pots and the whiskey.

The pangs hit Chris then, too. He stood, grabbed the bottle and two glasses and sat again, quickly pouring them both a measure. They downed them quickly, and Chris poured another. They both took smaller sips this time, and after a deep breath, Vin began again.

"Ya know. I was telling myself all along that she was up to no good..."

Vin stood and paced the room while Chris took another swig from his glass. "You saw something I didn't. Don't have to make apologies for that."

Vin stopped, sat down again and looked Chris in the eye. "No, I didn't. Don't ya see? I wanted her to be up to somethin'. She was possessive from the first, yeah. But lotsa people are. Don't make 'em criminals. I was plain jealous, Chris. She was the latest in a string of women you turned to, when it was supposed to be my turn, my time. It was just luck, if you wanna call it that, that I turned out to be right about her."

Chris swallowed and had to turn his eyes from Vin's. Too intense. It'd taken a lot for Vin to own up to his jealousy and admit how hard it gotten on him, wanting him and watching other people have him. It was unnerving, having someone trust you that much and having someone care that much. "But you were gonna ride away anyway, let me live with my choice to stay."

"I didn't like it none, but yeah."

Chris finally looked up at Vin, saw a trace of betrayal in his eyes. He couldn't blame him. They both knew that until Ella came back, he and Vin were getting closer than ever to acting on this thing between them. They both knew that Chris had taken the easy way out and left Vin out in the cold. "Vin... I don't... I can't explain it." Chris drained his glass and fidgeted with it, unable to keep eye contact.

"Don't have to. That one's easy, Larabee. Ella was there before Sarah. She already had a place inside you, someplace comfortable for ya, and going with her, you didn't have to make room inside ya for someone new." Vin tossed back the rest of his own glass, then stood and went to the window.

The nausea was back, tumbling and grumbling in Chris' gut. This honesty shit would probably kill him before they were through. Chris poured himself another drink before answered. "Maybe that ought to tell us something, Tanner. I ain't got anything in me to give. I got no room in me for anything new."

"That's a load of bull." Vin turned from the window, weariness on his face. "Problem is that you got it, but you're scared to give it. You don't wanna wake up one day feeling guilty that you're actually happy. We were so close, Chris. You were about ready to give in and give up that guilt, til she came along. That's why you settled for her. She was your way out."

Chris cleared his throat. "Maybe. And if I took that way out, there was a damned good reason, don't ya think?"

Vin let out a long growl of frustration and paced the room again, like a wildcat that just watched its supper get away. "You're so dag-blasted irritating, you know that?"

Chris' throat was still tight, but he managed to smile and answer. "I know. But you wanted honest, Vin, and I'm trying. Can't help it if you don't wanna hear what I got to say. Works both ways, ya know."

Vin stopped pacing, finally and rolled his neck, obviously trying to relieve the stress that was making him stiff. "Thing is, you still ain't bein' honest. If you can look me in the eye and tell me the real reason you're shyin' away, I'll leave it be. But I want to hear the truth from you, Chris. All of it."

Tension made every muscle in Chris' body ache. He stared at the confused, hurt, and angry man before him, knowing a good deal of that pain was his doing. But he just didn't know if there was more truth waiting to see the light of day. If there was, it was hiding real deep, and it would mean even more pain when it came out.

Chris pressed his temples, hard, trying to relieve the pressure there. He didn't want to lie to himself or Vin. What the hell was he really afaid of, letting Vin inside? He knew in his head and his heart that what he felt for Sarah wouldn't mean less if he had Vin. Why would he feel guilty? What about that guilt had him so scared? "Guilt," he said quietly, not even sure if Vin could hear him.

"I know, you feel guilty at the thought of bein' happy. But you coulda been happy with Ella, if what she'd had to offer you was as real as you thought it was. What's the difference, Chris? The real difference?" Vin knelt in front of Chris' chair, trying to get a look at Chris' face, trying to read the truth Chris was in danger of letting escape. Chris turned his head and closed his eyes. He couldn't think with Vin looking so far inside Chris' head.

Vin was right, though; if what Ella had offered him hadn't been all a lie, he could have been content; maybe not happy, the way he knew Vin could make him happy, but content. And he hadn't been afraid of feeling that way. He hadn't been afraid of feeling less for Sarah.

"All right, Chris, settle down. I'll back off for now. Truth ain't supposed to be torture."

Chris looked up as Vin backed away. He took a deep breath and washed down what was in his glass. His hands shook as the whiskey burned a path to his gut. Damned room started spinning, too. Too much tension mixed with too much liquor in his empty stomach, making for an unsettling gurgle in his belly.

"Rain's picking up some. I could go check on the horses, make sure they're settled," Vin offered, his back turned again, giving Chris much needed space to get himself together. Vin could be persistent, but he knew when to back off, and he put Chris first.

"Thanks, Vin, I'm grateful."

Vin turned, nodded and offered him another sad smile, one that reached inisde of Chris and twisted him up all over again. Grateful only began to describe what Chris felt. Vin was the one thing he was most thankful to have since Sarah and Adam died...

Truth knocked him over, hard and fast, and Chris' stomach lurched. He slipped from the chair and went down on all fours, the whiskey emptied in heaves on the cabin floor until Chris had nothing left in his stomach, and he was dry-retching. Vin was there beside him as lightning flashed in the suddenly renewed storm, and another clap of thunder shook the walls.

Vin rubbed his back in small, awkward circles, and Chris heard him saying his name, worried and confused. Chris didn't know how to tell him what he now knew. "I can't... how can I be grateful?"

"I don't understand," Vin said, hand still on his back, still at a loss.

"Sarah and Adam are dead. I wouldn't know you, wouldn't have to be grateful for you, if they hadn't died," Chris groaned and then dry heaved again.

"Oh, hell. Chris..." Vin sat on the floor and pulled Chris away from the puddle, to sit between Vin's legs. He held him up loosely, one hand on Chris' hip, his other hand pressed Chris' forehead. "You are not grateful that they're dead. You got it all mixed up inside."

Chris pulled in harsh gulps of air, trying to force the queasiness down. "How can I--"

"You ain't!" Vin hissed into his ear. "You ain't happy that they're dead, just 'cause you found something after them that makes ya happy. Don't work like that, Chris. You don't work like that."

They sat that way for Chris didn't know how long. His breathing gradually evened out, the ragged pants becoming slow, shallow breaths. Vin carefully eased out from behind him. Chris kept his eyes shut tight until the cabin stopped the spins. Then he just felt numb inside and out. He couldn't think beyond the fact that his heart was still beating and his lungs were still dragging in air.

Vin came back and squatted beside him, holding out a cool, wet cloth. Chris took it, and hand shaking, wiped his face. Vin then scooted a bucket in front of him and handed him the whiskey bottle. "Don't swallow it. Just rinse and spit it out."

Chris nodded and did as he was told, then rubbed his face again with the cloth. He let Vin pull him up when he was done, and found himself led to his bed. He fell on it face down, then curled up on his side, facing the wall, and closed his eyes. Vin left him with a touch to his hair, feather light. Suddenly, he was so damned tired. More tired than he'd been in his life.

THREE

Chris woke to the smells of bacon and coffee. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, not sure what day-- or time of day-- it was. The fog of sleep lifted suddenly and left him with a pounding headache. Everything that happened that afternoon came back in a hard rush that nearly rocked him back onto the bed.

"I can hear ya squeakin' on that bed in there. I know you're up, so ya may as well come out and eat."

It hurt a little inside, but Chris couldn't help the small smile that pulled on his mouth. He pushed himself up to standing and made himself cross the cabin to the table. Food was definitely a good idea. It'd be the first step to getting rid of that headache, he knew.

"That wasn't your smartest move, Larabee, takin' all those shots on an empty stomach. This ought to help, though." Vin gestured at the second plate on the table, he himself digging into his own.

"Thanks," Chris croaked, throat still raw. He'd shoveled in his first mouthful of eggs before he even took notice that the rain had stopped and that the sounds outside were the chirps and soft cries of night creatures. He'd slept a good four hours.

They ate in a silence that Chris found strangely comfortable, given the intensity of all they'd talked about that day. In spite of the knots inside him, he couldn't deny that it felt right to have Vin right there with him. He couldn't turn his thoughts just yet to having Vin on a deeper level, but he could take a little solace in his presence.

By the time he finished all that was on his plate, his headache had receded to a dull throb, a definite improvement. He took a sip of the coffee Vin had poured for him and noticed Vin hiding a grin behind his own cup.

"What's so funny?" He was curious, but the smile did put him more at ease.

"Larabee... You sure do know how to keep things interesting, I'll give ya that." Vin sipped again at his coffee, obviously fighting back a laugh.

Chris felt his cheeks heat up in a flush; unusual for him, but he went along with Vin, accepting his gift of keeping things light for a time. "Well, things were gettin' a little dull around here."

Vin shook his head, still grinning, and stood to clear the table. "I'll get this. Go on out and have a seat on the porch. Storm's gone, and it's a pretty night."

Chris nodded. "Vin..." Hell. "Thanks."

The smile on Vin's face turned shy, and he ducked his head a little. "You're welcome."

Vin was right. It was a nice night. Lotsa stars dotted the dark sky, and the scent of fresh rain made everything smell new. Lot of things Chris had to think on, but he couldn't make himself do it yet. For just a time, he wanted to simply be. Soon, Vin wandered outside and sat on the stoop, at the foot of Chris' chair. He looked up at the sky, just as Chris had been doing, peace softening his features.

He couldn't deny it; something about Vin Tanner got to him, deep inside.

Vin turned to look back at him, probably sensing he was being watched. He let out a small snort. "Damned if you aren't the most contrary man I ever met."

Chris grinned. "Makes me mysterious."

Vin shook his head. "Makes you a pain in the ass."

Chris nodded. "That, too."

Vin rolled his eyes and turned his gaze back to the stars, letting it rest.

Conversation, when it did pick back up, stayed on safe ground; details of the new stage line coming through town, Josiah working on the church, Ezra getting run out of Eagle Bend for playing strip poker with the sheriff's daugher-- and winning. It was easy, familiar, and Chris felt some of his anxiety uncoil and drift away.

After a while, Vin got up and stretched. "If ya don't mind, I'm gonna borrow a couple blankets from your trunk."

"Where ya planning on bunking?"

"I pulled your wagon out of the barn earlier. It's good and dry. Thought I'd sleep under the stars."

Nice and casual, just like it used to be. Except it wasn't, and Chris knew then that they'd never really get back to the way it had been. "Vin--"

"It's fine, Chris. I promised ya that if ya told me the truth, I'd let it be. I aim to keep that promise." There was an edge to Vin's voice, but Chris knew that he meant every word. Vin pushed inside the cabin to get the blankets.

When he came back out with them, Chris stood and stopped him with a hand on Vin's forearm. "I just need to do a little more thinking."

Vin sighed. "I know. So you just... do your thinking, get some sleep, and we'll ride back to town in the morning. Wherever your thinkin' takes ya, we still got a job to do."

Chris nodded. "You're right, I know."

"See ya in the mornin'."

He moved off the porch and rounded the corner to head back toward the barn. "Vin?" Chris called before he was out of sight. He stopped, cocked his head a little to the side, waiting for Chris to finish. "Just... thanks. Again."

Vin smiled. "Any time, Cowboy."

+ + + + + + +

The sleep Chris had gotten earlier made it impossible to nod off now. Hell, the thinking he had to do didn't help matters much, either. He knew in his head that he could never be glad that his wife and son were taken from him. But in that dark place in his heart, he couldn't stop the fear that maybe it was a little bit true, that he was a little bit relieved that they weren't around for him to have to worry about anymore. He'd never have to worry for Vin the way he would for a woman and child, who didn't have the same means and ability to protect themselves.

He knew, rationally, that he was twisted up, tangling his gratitude for Vin with his lingering grief and making connections that weren't really there. But caring about a person did that to a man; kept him off-balance. The heart, Chris knew, was rarely rational. Longing sure as hell wasn't rational, and Chris had been hiding away a hell of a lot of that-- for Vin as well as for his lost family.

Since deciding he was gonna do as Vin asked and be honest with himself, he had to admit that either he was gonna have to give in to what he felt for Vin, or move on and get out of his life. Wasn't fair to him, keeping him dangling like he had been. More he thought on it, the more he realized Vin had told the truth last Sunday; Chris had been making promises, feeding him morsels of hope in the way of casual touches and long looks and such. He'd put on his own little show of jealousy when Vin nearly said to hell with him and went off with Charlotte.

Hell, the thought of the woman even now, after all that time, made Chris clench his jaw. Vin wasn't stupid, and he noticed things, especially when it came to Chris. He hadn't imagined Chris' feelings for him. So if there wasn't going to be anything for the two of them, Chris would have to sever the ties left between them and set Vin free. And yet the very thought of that left Chris feeling a whole new kind of panic, and made him feel more alone than he thought possible.

He was at a fork in the road. He knew that. And he couldn't sit at it forever. Couldn't sit at it a minute longer, in fact. He had to move, had to take one path or the other, and had to do it now.

He threw off the blankets, pulled on his trousers, and grabbed his boots. He had no idea which way he was gonna go, but he knew he had to have Vin in front him when he decided. Vin couldn't make the decision for him, but he had every right to be there.

Crisp, clean night air filled Chris' lungs and made him quicken his steps around the cabin and out toward the barn. When he rounded the corner, the wagon was in sight, Vin having pulled it out and turned it to face the morning sun when it rose. Chris stopped, and just looked.

First time in a long time Chris appreciated a sunrise again, he was with Vin, not long after the first time he watched a sunset with him, at the Seminole village. Hell, the two of them had put up that very barn together, sweating sunrise to sunset, working off some of the sexual tension between them-- all the while keeping up the subtle flirtation Chris had tried to deny. It'd been a good time.

So much of the healing he'd done since Sarah and Adam died had been done with Vin right there with him. Vin wasn't perfect, but he had a generous heart and a strong sense of right and wrong that Chris admired a hell of a lot. If there was anyone alive who Chris could count on to truly watch his back no matter what, it was Vin. It made sense, Chris supposed, that he would feel guilty for having him when he hadn't been there for Sarah and Adam when it counted most.

He couldn't have his family back, but he could have Vin and the peace and happiness that came with him, if he could live with himself for accepting it.

Chris started walking again, light, easy steps to the wagon, till he was peering in at the man at the center of his tangled thoughts. Eyes closed, breathing steady and even, Vin would have looked completely vulnerable, if not for the butt of his rifle poking out from the under blanket, where it lay against his chest.

Take what was offered to him and risk the guilt destroying him-- and Vin in the process-- or give Vin his freedom, and continue to live in this purgatory he'd created for himself, til he felt more deserving of contentment. The living, breathing temptation before his eyes made it the toughest decision he'd ever faced.

"You climbin' in, or am I climbin' out?" Vin murmured, eyes still closed.

Chris swallowed the lump of fear in his throat, made a turn at that fork-- for better or worse-- and answered, "I'm climbin' in."

FOUR

Seemed like every outlaw west of Missouri had it in mind to give the new stage line a try; robbing it, of course. Vin had pretty much expected it, what with the rumors and all that the line would be carrying gold. What he hadn't thought of, was the fact that if he and the boys actually stopped the hold-ups, they'd never get the chance to squish the rumors.

JD actually came up with the solution, even if he didn't mean to. He was just grumbling one night in the saloon that if the bandits actually got away with it, and saw for themselves they weren't missing nothing, they'd realize it wasn't worth the effort.

So, the plan was hatched. It was an expensive one, but the judge had agreed that it was gettin' out of hand, and that it took the boys away from the town too much. That would've cost even more, if it'd gone on. A whole gaggle of stage tickets and some cheap trinkets was the final price.

Being that JD pretty much brought on the idea, and he had that traveling look about him, he was the first one chosen to play the role of passenger. Ezra didn't like it, but he got picked next. He just looked like a man who'd much rather sit in a coach than get dusty on a horse.

Next person to grumble about the plan was Chris. He didn't like the idea of Vin playing at riding shotgun on that stage, knowing he'd have to let the bandits actually overtake him. But he was the right choice, and Chris knew it, so after that grumbling, they got all the details nailed down and Vin found himself up on a stage couch watching out for the outlaws he'd known would come.

Two times, they went through the same thing; the riders would come out of hiding and take a shot at the driver, who knew to play that he'd been hit. Vin would make a scramble for the reins, lose his shotgun in the process, get overtaken and give in, pulling the horses up and surrendering the coach.

First time, the bandits rummaged the cargo and saw there was nothing valuable, but made away with a few cheap watches and such. The boys were all relieved they didn't have to reach for the hidden weapons, having counted on the thieves not trying to kill 'em when they cooperated.

Second time, one of the outlaws was jumpy. Ezra's unexpected sneeze made the fella trigger happy, and he took a chunk out of Ezra's shoulder before Vin could get the pistol he'd hidden at his back and get the man disarmed-- careful shot to the forearm that made him drop the gun. Luckily, the rummaging was about done, and the rest of the gang were content to try to ride away without shooting back. They didn't get far though, before Chris and the others got there in a cloud of road dust and had them all corralled.

Nathan got Ezra checked out and patched up well enough for the ride back into town, while Josiah and Buck took control of the prisoners. That left Chris to escort the coach the rest of the way into town, Vin at the reins, the real driver playing dead and riding in the coach, with JD still playing the passenger. They had to make it look good for anyone else scouting the coach as a future target.

"We ain't doin this again," Chris hollered up to Vin.

"I ain't gonna argue with ya," Vin answered with a laugh. "But we should use the rest of them tickets and have the boys take turns riding with the coach a few more times for protection. Just in case."

"I suppose." Chris trotted alongside the coach, and Vin could see him working 'round to tell him off about something or other. Didn't take him too long. "You didn't have to make it look so damned hard to get hold of those reins this time, Tanner. Fumbling a little bit and losing the rifle worked good enough first time around."

Vin shrugged, felt his face heat up, then just grinned. "That part wasn't fakin'. Bad timing for a cramp in my back."

Chris shook his head, muttering something Vin couldn't hear, then he shouted back up again. "If I didn't say it before, I'm saying it now. We ain't doin this again."

Vin laughed outright and slapped the reins a little harder. He wanted to get back as soon as he could and get the hell off that damned coach. Chris had some tension to work off, and Vin knew exactly how the man would want to go about it.

+ + + + + + +

Coach was on its way again, Ezra was doin fine, and the latest band of unsuccessful stage robbers were locked up. It'd been a long day, and Vin was looking forward to his reward for getting through it. He tucked away his saddle bags in his wagon and rooted through it for a clean shirt and pair of britches. That cramp in his back was a sign it was time for a hot bath. That, and the extra layers of dust covering him head to toe.

Behind him and up on the walk, he could hear a chattering Billy Travis firing off a round of questions to Chris about catching the bad guys. Chris, as usual, indulged the boy, half-amused but completely serious, too.

"Billy, time to come in and get cleaned up," Mary called from the doorway of the Clarion.

"Go on, now. Don't keep your momma waiting."

"Okay, but I'll see ya later, won't I? Tomorrow, anyway, right?" Billy asked as he shuffled backwards to the door.

"Sure, Billy."

"Oh, Chris? Can I have a minute, please?" Mary asked, sending Billy on inside.

"All right." Chris' voice had an uneasy tone to it, one Vin had heard a lot over the last few weeks whenever Chris had talked to Mary.

Suddenly, Vin's rooting for clothes slowed up quite a bit. He wasn't really trying to invade their privacy and overhear. Well, yeah, he was. He most definitely, sure as hell was.

"He's come so far, healed so much. I have you to thank for that," Mary said.

Chris cleared his throat. "Well. I'm fond of the boy, you know that."

"I do know that, and I'm very grateful. You're a good influence on him. I have to be careful, you see, about who I allow to have any influence, he's so impressionable."

"Right, most young boys are. So, uh..."

Vin winced as he listened to Chris struggle with his end of the conversation. He couldn't see him, but he could imagine Chris trying to edge away.

"Well, just so you know, Chris, if you were to come by and have dinner now and then, I wouldn't worry--"

"I'm glad to hear that, Mary. Don't know how right you are about me being a good influence, though. I like spending time with him, and as long as I'm around, I'll look out for him..." Chris pulled up short and Vin held his breath, waiting to hear how this would turn out.

"But it won't be over dinner," Mary finished for him, disappointment in her voice obvious, in spite of her trying to sound proper.

"No, it won't. It's not fair to the boy to give him the idea that I'm more than a friend to him, more than someone who looks after him, as much as I do like doin that."

Mary took a turn clearing her throat before answering. "You're right, of course. I hadn't quite thought of it that way. Thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for. I just..."

"No, no, I understand. Well, I should get inside. Goodnight, Chris."

Vin barely heard Chris' long sigh for the clap of Mary's shoes as she hurried inside. Finally, it was done. Wasn't easy for either of them, Vin knew, but getting it over with had been the right thing to do.

"You get a nice earful, Tanner?" Chris asked.

"No-- well, yeah," Vin admitted, ducking his head in the wagon to hide his grin.

"So, you want me to admit now that you were right?"

Vin pulled back out and looked at Chris. He actually looked as relieved as Vin felt. "Naw. You can admit it later, though."

Chris laughed. "After dinner?"

"Sounds good. I'm headed for a bath, first, though."

A lecherous grin broke out on Chris' face as he leaned against the wagon and looked Vin up and down. "You? Getting a bath in town? I thought you preferred ducking yourself in the river?"

Vin rolled his eyes. "That's an ugly rumor, cowboy. The river is freezing this time of year, and I wanna give this back of mine a hot soak while I get rid of a few layers of dirt."

Chris cocked his head, his eyes flashing in concern. "Is it bad?"

"No, it ain't bad. Just a little bothersome, is all. I'll be along in a bit."

"Meet ya in the saloon, then," Chris said and pushed off from the wagon.

Vin nodded and fished out the clean clothes, already imagining the relief of the hot water.

+ + + + + + +

Dinner with the boys wasn't as rowdy as Vin had expected, and he was relieved. It'd been a full day after a fuller couple of weeks, and it was catching up to him. Looking at the faces around him at the table, he seemed to be in good company on that. It was good moods all around, but relaxed ones, for the most part.

Chris said goodnight and went up to his room just after Ezra slipped away to scare up a card game and Nathan headed back to the clinic. Vin stuck around a little longer, listening to Buck spin a story about a rancher's daughter and a hay wagon, and watched JD shake his head in disbelief. Kid might be naive, but he wasn't stupid.

Vin took a slow-down in the conversation as his chance to slip out. Once close to his wagon, he casually glanced around the road and walks, then slipped around the back of the saloon again. He didn't want to risk the back stairs to the rooms on the next floor up, seeing as they twisted just enough to be seen from the side of the saloon if someone was to look up. He looked around, grinning when he spotted the empty beer barrel. He dragged it over to the overhang, and climbed up.

Simple as that, Vin was clamboring to the roof and crawling toward Chris' window. He nearly lost his hat swinging inside, but he snatched it just in time.

"Something wrong with the stairs?" Chris called from the other side of the closet door.

"Too many eyes on 'em," Vin answered and pulled off his coat.

"You're probably right. But I'm guessing that you didn't do your back any favors, gettin' up here the way ya did."

"Small price to pay for a little privacy, Chris."

Chris closed the closet door, finally coming into view. Hell of a view, at that. Chris was buck naked, a long stretch of creamy skin covering tight muscle. He walked over to his dresser with a pouch in his hand, and turned his back. Vin was a little distracted by Chris' firm butt, and couldn't quite tell what Chris was up to, though he thought he heard the clink of a spoon in a cup.

Chris twisted and held up the cup to Vin. "Come 'n get it."

Curious, Vin pulled out of the chair and went to see. "Bhog?" Vin asked, recognizing the Indian concoction of milk, honey and cannibis plant.

"Nathan says you've used it before, for the pain." Chris handed over the cup then moved away with the pouch and flopped on the bed, propped on his side. "Mostly milk and honey. I knew you'd be no good to me if I made it too strong," Chris told him with a grin.

Vin smiled and sipped at the drink. More 'n likely, Chris knew he wouldn't take it if it was too strong. He didn't enjoy pain, but it was better than feeling like the world was tilted til the stuff wore off. The mix Chris had made tasted just about right; would probably be just enough to take the edge off of the throb. "Thanks, Chris. You gonna tell me what else you got in that pouch?"

"Finish that, get your clothes off, and you just might find out." Chris rolled onto his back and rubbed his stomach, eyes on Vin.

Took Vin all of a second to wash down the rest of the bhog and start stripping off his clothes. It'd been a damned busy few weeks, after all. He and Chris hadn't had much time for anything more than a quick grope here and there. From the looks of Chris, he was in just as sorry a state for wantin' to work off some of his needs.

Clothes piled on the dresser, Vin stepped over to the bed, feeling himself grow hard under Chris' eyes. Chris rose to his knees and grabbed the pouch. "Down here, on your stomach," Chris said and patted the mattress with his free hand.

Vin stretched out on his belly-- bending one knee to make more room for his thickening dick-- and rested his cheek on Chris' pillow, watching him pull a couple of small bottles from the pouch. "I get the feeling I'm gonna like this," he said.

Chris looked at him and grinned. "Ya got good instincts, Tanner." He swept a look up and down Vin's body, only then really noticing how he was positioned. "Now isn't that a pretty sight?"

Vin snorted a little and rolled his eyes. "You gonna do something, or just look at me all night?"

Chris scooted beside him then straddled the backs of Vin's thighs. "Oh, I'm gonna do plenty."

Cold liquid dripped on Vin's back, trickling along his spine and making him jump a bit.

"Easy, stud. No need to buck," Chris teased.

Vin was about to answer, when he felt the stuff tingling on his skin. Chris spread it, his touch real light, and that tingling followed the trail of his fingertips. "Hey. That's kinda nice. What is that stuff?"

"Just a little tonic I picked up at the general store. Is it working?"

"Hell, yeah." Felt like it was seeping down into his muscles, making them loosen up from the knots they were in. His whole body seemed to just melt under Chris' touch and the relaxing effects of the bhog. His dick took a little nap, too, the throbbing letting up some.

Chris' hands left him, but came back soon enough, this time sweeping over him with something creamy that Chris used to deepen his reach into Vin's muscles. He'd never felt anything like it before, had never had anyone focus so much on making him feel good-- not in this way. He sighed softly and let himself float along with the sensations. As his breathing became easy and even, he caught a whiff of something familiar; green and fresh, but faint. Creosote bush must have been used in that cream, he realized. Natures of the desert and Chris, teamin' up to make his aches go away, even if only for a while.

Chris worked up his back and down again, fingers digging in just enough to make all the tightness in his back dissolve. Kneading their way down again, Chris hands lingered at Vin's lower back, thumbs pressing in circles, then smoothed over the cheeks of Vin's ass to squeeze and massage.

Even that was relaxing, but it woke up Vin's dick again and set it to getting hard again.

Over the distant pings of the piano and shouts of customers in the saloon below, Vin heard Chris breathing a little harder. Chris' hands pulled his butt cheeks apart and pushed 'em back together again, a slippery finger dipping into his crack now and then. Vin bent his leg a little higher, and Chris murmured, "Mm, yeah."

A finger brushed across his hole and then slid right in. Hell, Vin thought he could probably take all of Chris' dick right that minute, relaxed as he was. But Chris didn't rush it, just nudged that finger deeper into him and wiggled it around. He bent back towards the pouch again, but had to stretch for it, 'cause he didn't pull out of Vin first.

A second later, oil drizzled down the crack of Vin's ass, and Chris' finger slid out enough to get some of it to take back inside. Chris' hand stayed where it was while he eased himself next to Vin, hell, half on top of him. A moist tongue tickled over Vin's ear, making his breath catch and his heart speed up. His body hummed, from his toes, to the warm vibrations in his ass and groin, and on up to the gently rumbling moans in his chest.

Chris' breath on his cheek and lips on his temple made his throat tight, but he managed to ask, "You gonna get inside me?"

"As deep as I can get."

The head of Chris' dick rubbed against Vin's hole. He felt himself open up, wanting that hard shaft inside of him, and as soon as he could have it. With a long, slow push, Chris eased into him, filling him up. Chris slid more fully on top of him, and that pushed his dick in even further, until the wiry scruff of hair pressed against Vin's ass.

Chris then wedged his arms under Vin's, reaching for the lowest rung of the headboard. He bent his head and shoved Vin's hair away with his nose, then clamped his mouth to Vin's neck as he pulled out of his ass then shoved back in again, hard and deep. The jolts shook Vin from his ass to the lump in his throat, and made him grunt. "More," Vin groaned.

Chris sucked on Vin's neck and used his hips to slide out and then in, rapid thrusts from the start. Vin closed his eyes and rode the ripples of sensation as they grew to large waves. His dick ached to be touched, but it was trapped against the blankets of the bed, so he just clasped Chris' forearms and held on tight. Soon, all Vin knew was the steady slap of skin against skin, the wet mouth on his neck, and the feeling of being filled with Chris.

He felt Chris shuddering against his back, then felt the bite of teeth into his neck. Knowing Chris was coming inside him, right then, made him clench down possessively so he could keep as much of Chris with him, deep inside, for as long as he could.

Chris rested against him, panting hard, for a long moment that Vin savored. Before he knew what was happening, though, Chris had pulled out and flipped Vin to his back. Green eyes flashed at him, still gleaming with hunger, when Vin finally focused on them.

Chris squirmed down Vin's body, gripped his hips tight, and sucked Vin's dick into his mouth. "Lord!" Vin gasped, hard, and reached back to clutch the headboard. He wanted to thrust up, to fuck the wet heat of Chris' mouth, but Chris hands held him firm against the bed.

Vin looked at Chris through glazed eyes, watched Chris' lips drag up and down his dick, leaving it shiny with moisture each time Chris reached the head again. The whole time, Chris kept his eyes on Vin's, that hold keeping Vin in place as sure as his hands. He surrendered to Chris willingly, knowing what the rewards would be from the increasing suction and the flick of Chris' tongue over the slit at the tip of his dick.

Chris moaned on the next glide down, and sent vibrations straight to Vin's balls. He quaked all over as orgasm burst through him, and he came hard into Chris' throat. The squeeze of Chris' throat and mouth as he swallowed milked Vin of every last drop, until Vin had nothing left inside him but the occasional shiver.

Chris let Vin slip from his mouth, then rested his head on Vin's hip, panting hot breath against the curls at Vin's groin. Vin let go of the headboard with one hand and let it fall to Chris' hair, but he only had the energy to tangle his fingers in it a little.

After a long sigh, Chris crawled back up Vin's body and eased down. Vin clasped his hands over his lower back. "Gettin' you back to the ranch is gonna be a good thing," Chris said against Vin's jaw.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. May not have had eyes on you coming up the stairs, but with all that shoutin' of yours, a few people are bound to know you're here now."

Vin froze and his heart stopped. No wonder his damned throat felt raw.

"You're a noisy little son of a bitch when you're gettin' sucked on," Chris said, sounding downright amused, and then pressed his lips to Vin's for a deep, wet kiss.

Vin decided from one heartbeat to the next that he wasn't going to think about other people knowing just yet. He and Chris had paid too much to get where they were to waste time worrying about what other folks thought. Time to deal with all that would come soon enough, and would probably end up being a whole new kinda purgatory for them both.

For the time being, though, they'd earned the right to this little piece of heaven.

The End