I screech to a halt and jump out of the car without
bothering to turn the ignition off. Something is
wrong. Something is wrong with Vin, and I need to
find him.
Vin and I have been teased mercilessly by the others
about the almost telepathic connection we share. It
even seems to overshadow the one my lover shares with
Chris at times, but none of those times compared to
the increasing unease I've felt these past few days.
I suppose part of it might have been because the two
of us have been apart for two weeks now, Josiah and I
alternately attending and giving various seminars in
Boulder, and Vin testifying at a lengthy trial in
Denver. It has been rough on both of us and even our
nightly phone calls did little to ease the ache of
loneliness. So when I started getting odd,
disturbing flashes of emotion, I assumed it due to
missing Vin and concentrated harder on work. But the
flashes kept getting more and more intense until I
couldn't hide them anymore, and Josiah finally sat me
down and asked what was troubling me.
I couldn't answer him. I couldn't explain it to
myself, how could I explain it to anyone else? Then
later last night, I lurched awake with Vin's name an
anguished shout on my lips, and I had all the
explanation necessary.
Vin was hurting.
Vin needed me.
I had to get to him. Everything else be damned.
I'd scrambled out of bed and threw on some clothes.
Leaving my bedroom, I frantically searched the small
suite I shared with Josiah for my keys. Josiah's
sleepy demand to know what the hell I was doing
interrupted my search. I whirled around and found him
standing in the suite's second bedroom doorway. I
just stared at him mutely.
Whatever Josiah saw on my face snapped him to full
wakefulness, and he quickly crossed over to where I
stood in the tiny kitchen. He again asked me what I
was doing, only in a softer tone. I'm still not sure
what sort of answer I gave him, but it must have been
good enough. He plucked my keys off the breakfast bar
where I had dropped them earlier that evening and put
them into my trembling hands, promising as he did so
that he would make everything right with the
convention coordinator in the morning. I nodded
numbly and bolted out the door.
Now I am here at the office garage, and I don't have
the first clue where to start looking for him.
Luckily for my sanity, Nathan appears at the bottom of
the stairwell leading into the building. The look he
gives me is equal parts relief and worry. Not very
reassuring to one in my state of mind. As soon as
he's close enough, I croak out Vin's name and a demand
for his whereabouts.
Nathan shakes his head and says he has something to
tell me first. Taking hold of my shoulders in a firm,
supportive grip, he says Vin has been acting very
strangely the last couple of days. Very moody and
depressed, totally unlike his normal laid-back self.
Buck and Chris had both tried to talk to him, but Vin
snapped and snarled at them until they left him alone.
He had finally gotten so bad that Chris had sent him
home this morning and then tried to get in touch with
me only to find I was already on my way.
The words hit me like bullets, but I latch onto the
fact that Vin is at home. I pull away from Nathan
without apology and jump back into my car. I break
every traffic law on the books getting back the place
Vin and I currently call home, but I am beyond caring
as long as I am not stopped. I feverishly wrack my
brain for some reason for my lover's erratic behavior
– anniversary of a bad day, the stress of the trial
catching up to him, what?? – but I keep drawing a
blank.
It strikes me as I pull into our driveway that as
close as we've become, Vin and I have only known each
other for a handful of months. I do not know all the
details of his life any more than he does mine. I
feel my face set into hard lines of determination.
This was one thing I would know before the sun went
down. I refused to let whatever this was continue to
poison the other half of my life.
The house is dark, and for a moment, I fear that Vin
never made it home. I run up to the front door and
push it open, calling his name. He doesn't respond,
but I can hear the soft strains of music coming from
the living room. All the curtains are drawn tight
against the blazing morning sun, so I let the music
lead me into the other room instead.
There is a single candle burning on the coffee table,
and as my eyes adjust to the dim light, I spot Vin
curled up into one corner of the couch. He's staring
into the flame as if it held all the answers to life's
mysteries. I drop to the floor in front of him and
speak his name again, and again, he doesn't reply.
Now I'm starting to get really worried. I lay a
careful hand on one knee and give it a gentle shake
and repeat his name louder. His only response is a
single tear that blazes a slow trail down his left
cheek.
That tear pushes me from worried straight into
terrified. I need to reach him, to pull him back from
whatever private hell he's dwelling in right now, and
it needs to be something drastic enough to break
through. As I desperately try to think of something
appropriate, the music playing in the background
catches my attention. It's a sad, dismal tune about
loss and heartbreak, and damn it, that is not helping!
I climb to my feet to turn the stereo off, and as I do
so, inspiration strikes. If Vin wants music, so be
it, but it won't be this drivel. I savagely eject
the CD currently playing and randomly select another
from the stack piled haphazardly next to the player.
I don't care what it is, it's got to be better than
what was playing before. The song turns out to be "If
I Ever Lose My Faith in You" by Sting. Good enough.
I turn back to Vin and unceremoniously haul him to his
feet. He staggers a bit and leans heavily against me.
For a moment, it's all I can do to keep us both
upright, but then I get one arm wrapped around Vin's
waist and bring my other hand up to gently cradle his
head to my shoulder. I start to sway to in an
extremely slow version of a dance, keeping him close,
whispering my love and devotion into his ear, praying
all the while that he'll come back to me.
The song is almost over, and I'm starting to despair
of ever getting a response out of him when the head on
my shoulder turns and Vin presses his face into my
neck. He chokes out my name. It is the most
beautiful sound I've ever heard. The tears are coming
faster now, dripping onto my collarbone and trickling
down my chest under my shirt. Vin's arms creep up to
clutch the back of my jacket and twist the fabric into
tight knots.
Pulling him as close as humanly possible, I continue
to move with him and let him know by words and actions
that he is not alone. I still don't know what is
hurting him so much, but it can wait until he's
calmer. For now, we dance.
****
Yes, I can already hear the clamor of those who want
to know what upset Vin so much. He didn't tell me,
and neither did Ezra, so you're all just gonna have to
suffer with not knowing, just like me. Sorry!
The End
Continues in Silver Screen
