A solitary figure sat on a craggy overhang, the long, gold-brown hair
stirring as the cool Montana breeze ran unseen fingers through the fine
strands. It was the only part of him that moved, other than the steady
rise and fall of his chest, as he stared out into the starry night. He
had been perched there since the sun set over three hours ago, and he
was no closer to an answer now then when the sun still shone.
Vin Tanner's sharp eyes saw nothing as he wrestled with the problem,
turning it over and over in his mind, trying to find an angle that might
work without blowing up in his face. He normally faced anything that
came his way head on, but this was one situation where the direct
approach might ruin everything. If he was the only one at risk, he
might have chanced it; but he wasn't in this alone, and nothing on God's
wide earth could ever make him hurt Ezra Standish on purpose.
The sad thing was, Vin was almost certain that Ezra suffered from the
same doubts and fears he did. Although the Southern member of their
elite Search and Rescue unit hid his true feelings extremely well
most of the time, he couldn't control them all the time.
Every so often, when Ezra thought himself invisible, Vin had caught
flashes of the scared, lonely man inside the sarcastic shell. And he
had seen the longing - and what Vin fervently prayed was love - in the
beautiful green eyes when Ezra watched him.
A sardonic grin touched his lips. He and Ezra were so much alike.
Both were willing to risk life and limb to save other lives or just for
their own amusement, but neither man had the courage to risk their
hearts on the off chance they might be loved in return. The pain of a
broken bone was far easier to take than the agony of a broken heart.
Vin knew. Too many times in his life, he had nearly been crushed by
love. From what little he and Maude had let slip, Ezra hadn't had any
better luck in that department.
Vin ran stiff fingers through his hair in frustration. So what did
he do then? Did he let things remain the way they were? His eyes
narrowed. No. He couldn't hide what he felt any longer, didn't want
to, either. Ezra needed to know that he was loved, even if Vin was
reading him all wrong and he didn't love him the same way in return. He
couldn't lie to the Southerner anymore.
The Texan felt much of his tension drain away as he finally decided
on a course of action. Now all he had to do was find a way to tell the
man he loved how he felt. Shifting around to find a more comfortable
position on his rock, Vin let his gaze drift skyward once more and set
his mind to chewing on this new problem.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra turned off the ignition and regarded the lone figure with
guarded eyes. There was something not quite right about this whole
situation, but he'd be damned if he could figure out what it was. His fingers tapped an uncertain beat on the steering wheel as he remembered the circumstances under which he'd found himself here now.
Two weeks ago, Vin had approached him in private and offered to teach
him to base-jump in return for the previous waterfall-diving lessons.
As he listened to the plan, Ezra had seen the need for secrecy. The two
of them had often caught hell from the others, especially from the
overprotective Mr. Larabee, when they snuck away to pursue a dangerous
sport or pastime. Base-jumping was one of the more dangerous of these
activities, and their teammates would definitely have put a stop to the
whole thing if they'd known their intentions.
But while it was not unusual for the two of them to conspire
together, the nervous glint in Vin's blue eyes when Ezra had agreed to
the scheme had set off warning bells in the back of his mind. The
nervousness could not be fear of getting caught. After all, they hadn't
yet, at least not until after the fact, and so far, their only
punishment had been several severe verbal lashings against the wisdom of
doing such things again. Yet the closer it got to the day to go, the
more agitated Vin got.
Vin Tanner was one of the most fearless people Ezra had ever met, so
he knew that whatever was plaguing the younger man had to be quite
frightening. He knew a lot about Vin, actually. He knew his favorite
color was blue, and his favorite musical group was Bon Jovi. His
favorite meal was a home-cooked turkey dinner complete with all the
trimmings. Peach pie was his favorite dessert. He didn't like holidays
anymore than Ezra himself did and avoided them just as strenuously. He
didn't speak much, but when he did, he spoke honestly without fear of
possible repercussions. He respected other peoples' beliefs and
practices with grave sincerity but followed his own brand of
spirituality with a dedication most priests would envy. He possessed a
quiet steadiness that balanced Larabee's most ferocious moods and
soothed Ezra's own turbulent soul, but a deep, rending sorrow also
lurked within that steadfast spirit, so much that it sometimes
threatened to overwhelm the young sharpshooter. At those times, not
even Larabee could reach him, and he retreated to the vast wilderness,
seeking solace in the primal forces of nature.
Ezra knew all these things because almost from the moment they
met, he'd been drawn to the younger man, as inevitably as a moth was
drawn to a flame. He'd watched Vin and studied his habits and found
ways to try and make him happy without the other man knowing what he was
doing. Because he loved Vin Tanner more than he loved his next breath,
and like that moth, he knew that he would pay for his attraction with a
fiery death if he let himself get too close.
The quiet man had slipped past all his defenses as easily as he had
snuck past the murderers' camp, and the impact on his heart had been
just as devastating. Ezra knew he could never confess his love to the
other man. He was not afraid of a negative reaction on Vin's part;
rather, he was terrified that Vin might reciprocate his feelings.
Nothing scared the Southerner more than taking a chance with his heart.
Life had taught him brutally through the years that nothing and no one
was worth that risk. Not even Vin. So, he contented himself with
loving Vin from a distance and told himself that it was enough.
But he still didn't know what had scared Vin. With a resigned sigh,
Ezra let the train of thought go. He wanted to help Vin with whatever
was upsetting him, but until the enigmatic man told him what the problem
was, there was little he could do. Besides, Vin was probably wondering
why he was just sitting in the truck staring into space. Climbing out
of the cab, he pocketed the keys and started over to where Vin leaned in
his customary pose against a large rock, waiting for him.
As he neared the Texan, his earlier uneasiness returned full force.
Vin had assured him that he would take care of all the preparations for
this trip and that all Ezra needed to bring was himself. However, Ezra
hadn't seen any equipment in the back of Vin's vehicle when he'd passed
it by, and neither was there anywhere near Vin. Vin normally wasn't the
forgetful type, so unless the younger man's problem had started to
affect his memory, something was seriously strange with this whole
scenario.
Slowing his pace, he came to a halt several feet away from the
waiting man and asked in as neutral a tone as possible, "Mr. Tanner,
exactly how do you propose I learn to base-jump today? You seem to have
forgotten the equipment necessary for such an endeavor, and contrary to
Mr. Larabee's belief, I do know that jumping off a cliff without
at least a rope to anchor me will cause grievous harm to my person."
+ + + + + + +
A rueful smile spread across the Texan's face, and he ducked his
head. He should have known nothing escaped Ezra's attention. The smile
changed to a frown when Vin looked back up and saw confusion and
wariness in the vibrant green eyes. Ezra was moving away from him,
backing slowly towards the truck he'd arrived in. This was not
how he'd envisioned this meeting ending. He was going to have to talk
fast to keep the Southerner here.
"Ezra, wait." Vin caught up to him and wrapped the fingers of his
right hand around the other man's wrist. "Yer right, Ez, I never did
plan on base-jumpin'. I jist needed ta get ya away from the others fer
a bit. I have somethin' I wanta tell ya, and I didn't want no
interruptions."
Ezra's brow creased in deeper puzzlement, but he stopped moving away.
Tugging his wrist free, he queried, "Something to tell me? What do you
need to tell me that required such outlandish means of insuring
privacy?"
Taking a deep breath, Vin answered the question with one of his own.
"Ya know how the others are always accusin' us of takin' risks?"
A slight grin tilted the corners of Ezra's mouth. "I seem to recall
numerous diatribes aimed at our persons for such indiscretions."
Vin nodded, guessing around the big words that Ezra had agreed with
him. "There's one risk we ain't tried yet that I's really wantin' to
take with ya, an' I think ya feel the same way. Least I hope ta God ya
do."
As he talked, Vin carefully maneuvered Ezra around until his back
touched the rock wall. Before the smaller man had time to panic at the
confinement, the Texan leaned down until his mouth was a mere
hairsbreadth away from Ezra's. He paused to breathe in the other man's
stuttered exhalation then whispered softly, "I love ya, Ezra Standish,"
and pressed a sweet, tender kiss to his lips.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra stiffened at the contact, shock suffusing every line of his
body. Then the words sank in, and anger quickly replaced shock. He
shoved the taller man away roughly and looked wildly for an escape, but
Vin had boxed him in so effectively that there was nowhere for him to
physically retreat to. Trapped, he withdrew into rage and hurt instead.
How dare Tanner toy with him like this?! Ezra had thought Vin
was different from others he'd met in his life, that the sharpshooter
understood and respected that his heart was the one thing he'd never
risk and why. He was not ashamed of how he felt for the younger man;
but Ezra had never acted upon those feelings, and he'd thought he'd been
careful enough to keep them hidden so as not to embarrass either of
them. Apparently, he was wrong, but his emotions were not playthings
for Vin to amuse himself with. Lifting his chin defiantly, Ezra glared
up into the blue eyes watching his every move and opened his mouth to
deliver a scathing rebuke. What he saw on the Texan's face stopped him
cold.
Love. Adoration. Understanding. Hope. Vin had his own, carefully
crafted shields that protected the soft core he pretended didn't exist,
but they were gone now as if they'd never been. Ezra felt as if he were
looking into Vin's very soul, and nothing that he saw there even hinted
at deception.
"Good . . . Lord."
The words came out in a strangled half-sob, this second, greater
shock almost too much for Ezra to take. Needing an anchor in the sudden
emotional storm he found himself in, he reached out for Vin and crushed
the sharpshooter against him as if his very sanity depended on it.
Harsh, racking shudders shook his slender frame, rocking them both with
the force of his reaction.
He clutched tighter when he felt Vin struggling in his grasp, but the
wiry man still managed to tug his arms free of the desperate embrace. A
heartbroken moan - God, no, Vin, please don't leave me - rose in
his throat, choking him, cutting off his air. Before the sound could
make it past his lips, the arms came back around his shoulders, pressing
him more securely against the slender body. His head was tenderly
tucked beneath Vin's chin, and soft words of love and comfort and
assurance were whispered into his ear in the soft Texan drawl he loved
so much. Hiding his face in the crook of Vin's neck, Ezra surrendered
to the powerful emotions roiling through his soul.
After a while, the tremors slowed then finally stopped. Sniffling,
Ezra raised his head and stared up into the beloved face with a watery
green gaze. It was so hard to believe he hadn't imagined Vin's words
and the emotions behind them, but love still blazed brightly in the blue
eyes. Such raw honesty demanded a reward. Pressing his forehead
against Vin's collarbone, Ezra paused to gather his courage, determined
despite his overwhelming fear to gift this man with the only thing of
value he had to give him.
Swallowing hard against a lifetime of inhibition, he looked straight
into Vin's eyes and allowed his true feelings to show. He heard Vin
gasp and felt the arms around him tighten in acknowledgement of what he
had revealed. Ezra knew the silent admission would be enough for a man
who never seemed to need words to express himself, but he felt compelled
to verbalize how he felt.
Sliding his hands up Vin's back to frame the beautiful face, Ezra
said in a choking whisper, "I - I love you, too, Vin Tanner." His
breath stuttered in his lungs as he waited for Vin's response.
+ + + + + + +
Knowing how hard that admission was for Ezra to make, Vin smiled
tenderly and kissed him again, a light, undemanding kiss that
communicated a wealth of love and affection. "That's all I ever
wanted, Ez. It's all I'll ever need. Ya're all I need."
Feeling the tremors start again, Vin took charge once more. Wrapping
the smaller man snugly in the shelter of his arms, he slid them both
down to the ground. He settled with his back against a boulder, Ezra's
head resting against his shoulder, the smaller body cradled between
Vin's outstretched legs. It was going to be a long, hard fight to get
Ezra to believe he could love and be loved freely, but Vin was
determined to win that fight. This man and the love he felt for him was
just too damned important for him to fail.
Just hang on, Ez, hang on. I swear this is one risk ya ain't ever
gonna regret takin'.
The End
Follow-up story: Whisper on a Scream
