The amber liquid burned his throat as Ezra placed the empty shot glass back
on the bar in front of him. Green eyes stared dully in front of him. His red coat was
covered in layers of grime and dust, and his white shirt had seen better days.
Rubbing a hand over his face, he felt the stubble that now adorned his cheeks. How
many days had it been since he last stood here? How many times had he seen that look
of anger and betrayal on the handsome, blue-eyed tracker's face? How many times could
he try to lose himself in a bottle, only to wake up the next morning, the ache in his heart
worse than the pain of his head?
He had left Four Corners, riding like a bat out of hell to Eagle Bend, but got no
further. These men - Vin - had a hold over him. So now he stood in the saloon, ignoring
to the six men that sat at the table in the corner.
He had pushed Vin away for fear that his mother would use the man against him, but
at the end of the day, he had fallen prey to her real plan, never seeing it until it was too
late. Maude had effectively manipulated him, alienating him from his friends, from his
lover. The walls that had shielded his heart lay a battered and fallen fortress; now he had
nothing left to lose.
So here he stood, waiting for the confrontation, waiting for Chris Larabee to shoot
him. Waiting for something to end the pain. Wanting something to end it, freeing him
from this barren wasteland where he now stood. It was why he had come back to Four
Corners; he wanted it over, wanted the pain to stop.
Lost in his thoughts, Ezra didn't hear the sound of footsteps or of the saloon being
cleared of its last remaining patrons, until he saw the mirror's reflection of the tracker,
standing so near behind him.
"Where you been, Ezra?" The words were flat, and the expression gave nothing
away.
Ezra was too tired to attempt to read his former lover, so he grunted a reply. He saw
the flicker of anger on the healer's face, as he came to stand behind the sharpshooter.
"Too good to talk to us?" Nathan Jackson snapped, his brown eyes dark with the
fury Ezra had expected to see in the sharpshooter's eyes.
Standish wanted to respond, but couldn't find the words; they seemed just out of his
grasp. He turned to face them, his smile brittle. He took in the anger of the six men before
him. It seemed to burn him. He tilted his head, trying to speak around the emotions that
were bubbling inside of him, but the fortress that normally encased his heart had been
torn down, first by their friendship, then by his mother's actions. He could not summon
the strength to hide anymore.
The six men all exchanged glances a gradual shifting of their posture from attack to
non threatening it was like the wind had been taken out of their sails, and Ezra would
have found it amusing but was too tired to care. Ezra wondered what they saw.
Did they see what his mother had seen, had always seen? She had once been proud of
him, but now she was ashamed. He had taken the brutal truth in Eagle Bend, when she
had told him to leave. He couldn't con a child, let alone an old man; he was a shame to
the Standish name. She was ashamed of him, and he was no son of hers….
So here he stood, nothing left for him to hold onto, nothing but the loneliness that
was swallowing him whole.
"Ezra?"
Vin's voice was gentle as he stepped closer. He was so near the gambler could smell
him. Ezra wanted to be held, but he closed his eyes and bowed his head. He jumped when
he felt arms surround him, holding him close. He struggled in the firm grip, before
giving up, trapped between the bar and Vin.
He raised his head, staring into Vin's bright blue eyes. "I'm sorry." Ezra wasn't sure
if Vin heard him, his voice was so low, so he tried to clear his throat, but the tracker
smiled slowly, tenderly.
"I know," Vin whispered.
Ezra felt the man press closer to him, bending his head to whisper into his ear, his
breath making Ezra's stomach flutter and his body tingle.
"Don't run again. You're lucky I didn't come after you and hogtie you to the bed till
you saw sense."
"Why?" Ezra breathed out, hands clutching at the man's jacket, wondering if he had
had too much to drink and perhaps this was a dream.
"Because I love you, you fool, so don't do it again," came the soft, husky
whisper.
Ezra shuddered, feeling as though he was a condemned man that had just been given
a reprieve. He tilted his head back to look again at the beautiful face of the sharpshooter.
He saw the truth there and felt shock race through him. How did Vin know he would be
back? The question must have registered on his face, as he saw a gentle, knowing smile
tug at the sensuous lips.
"Because I know you," Vin said, with a shrug.
Ezra gasped, staring at the man in surprise. Was it really that simple? Ezra stiffened,
knowing that with Vin, it was.
He closed his eyes, feeling the soft brushing of Vin's lips on his forehead. He felt the
hot sting of tears prick his eyes, as he heard the reassuring words of Vin's love.
"I'm here."
Ezra knew that he would never leave this man again. His arms slid under Vin's
jacket, holding him tightly as he tried to contain his grief, tried to understand that his life
wasn't the barren wasteland it had been half an hour ago. This oasis was real. Vin was
real. Ezra was barely aware that he was murmuring softly, over and over again, "I'm
sorry." All Ezra was sure of was that Vin's arms were warm and securely holding him.
"Shhhh," Vin murmured quietly.
Ezra felt Vin tuck his head under his chin, and not for the first time, he thought there
were advantages to being short. Ezra opened his eyes to see the rest of the seven standing
nearby. He didn't know what to say, but he thought he saw understanding in their faces.
Vin's grip tightened, as Chris spoke softly, his eyes never leaving Ezra's green ones.
"Vin's a big boy, and the rest of us aren't going to let Maude, or anyone, come
between us. We're a family."
"I'm sorry," Ezra whispered, as he heard again the harsh words that Maude had said
in Eagle Bend.
Never good enough to be my son.
"What happened, son?"
Josiah's voice was gentle, but Ezra flinched at the word "son." He shut his
eyes, not wanting to see their faces, knowing they all deserved the truth, deserved to hear
the reasons behind his actions of the past few weeks. And suddenly, Ezra had to tell
them. He didn't care. He had nothing left to give them but this. The words spilled out,
tumbling from his lips till he was burying his face in Vin's shirt, feeling the thundering of
Vin's heart against his cheek, till there were no more words left to say
"Sorry," Ezra whispered bleakly, letting his arms drop as he tried to step away from
Vin. The sharpshooter's arms were gentle but firm, as a hand reached to hold his chin,
raising his face to meet the kind, blue eyes of the man he loved more than life itself. Ezra
didn't know it, but his face showed his heart far more effectively than any words.
Vin shook his head. "Nothing to be sorry for," Vin stated quietly.
Bending his head, Vin captured his lips in a sweet, healing kiss that had Ezra melting
in his lover's arms. He held onto the sharpshooter as if he was the only thing keeping
him standing, and for the first time in weeks, Ezra felt the fortress that had shattered
inside of him being rebuilt. He had a foundation, and as his green eyes travelled around
his friends, he knew that, this time, his fortress would include all six men and the family
they had together. Feeling Vin brush another kiss to his forehead made him smile, as he
tilted his head to meet Vin's questing lips with a breathtakingly tender kiss.
"I love you," Ezra whispered. His Southern drawl was thick like molasses, making
Vin's eyes darken to indigo, and Ezra shivered at the promise there.
"I know." Vin smiled confidently, as Ezra was pulled into another kiss.
Ezra sighed. His mother was right. These men had changed him, for now he knew
what it was like to have brothers and a family, and a lover to hold him as he slept. And
for the first time, he knew he had found himself.
A place where I can be me.
The End
