He lets me fuck him, but he won't let me kiss him.
Don't know why it happened that first time. It was just him and me headin'
back to Four Corners after deliverin' a prisoner to Bitter Creek. I looked
at him there with the fire turnin' his hair to all different shades of reds
and golds and his eyes gleamin' brighter than the stars. He looked good.
I needed.
And he gave.
Never thought to think about it twice afterwards. Didn't, in fact. Not
till the next time I had an itch anyway. Don't know why I went to him instead
of one of the whores in town. Don't know what this says about how I thought
about him. Did I think he was a whore? Did he believe I thought that? Don't
know.
All I know is, I needed.
And he gave.
It changed. Not sure how or why. That first time…. It was just fuckin'.
Hell, we didn't even take our clothes off. Why'd it change? Maybe 'cause
of the trust built between us to watch each others backs protectin' this
town. Maybe it's watchin' the little bits of himself come out that he don't
let most folks see. Or it could be seein' the hurts life and people, myself
maybe most of all, give him.
Maybe it's that he never turns me away.
Don't know why.
But it changed.
It was gradual like. Noticed it in the way the steadyin' grip on his hips
while I tried to fuck him through the mattress became gentle strokes as
I tug him closer to my body wantin' to feel as much of his heat around me
as possible. Like an embrace. Saw it too in the way I strip our clothes
off now needin' to feel every inch of his skin against mine, under my hands
and tasted with my mouth. Knew it most when I lowered my lips to capture
his for the first time.
It changed for me.
But he turns his face away.
Every time.
Tonight he came to me. For the first time. And I had hope that it changed
for him too. But when I lowered my face to his, he turned away again. Like
he always does. Archin' up his neck, offerin' it to me instead. So I kissed
that spot like I always do. That place where I can feel his heart beatin'
like a bird's wings do when it's tryin' to break loose from a trap.
He needs.
So I'll give.
And maybe one day he'll let me capture his mouth with mine, and we can
both break free.
The End
Follow-up story: Yearning
