Josiah's Home Video

The members of team seven sat in a small conference room, impatiently waiting for Larabee to finish up the Friday afternoon meeting's business. It had been a pretty slow week. Their last bust had been completed the Thursday before and, unusually, nothing had been thrown their way, since. Most of the agents just wanted to escape the office before some case *was* thrown their way.

"Well, I think that's it. If no one's got anything to add, I'll see you all at the saloon," Larabee and most of his men had already risen to go, when a deep voice halted them.

"Actually, Chris, there was something. I was hoping to get some time off, next week," Josiah gave his superior officer an expectant smile.

The other agents froze. Time off? No one ever got time off, unless they were at death's door. Even then, they rarely got more than a week. A few of the agents groaned as they resumed their seats. If Josiah intended to push it, the meeting to go on for a while.

"Time off?" Chris was as surprised as the rest. "What the hell do you need time off for?"

"To clean my house, for one."

"You want time off work to clean your house. You've got to be kidding."

"I thought you might say that, but, before you make your mind up, I'd like you to watch this video ..."

The video, obviously taken by one of the team, depicted a dark and smoky room. As the agent's eyes became accustomed to the picture, they recognised the livingroom of Josiah's house, the windows closed and the curtains drawn. As the camera panned across it picked up Vin and Chris, sitting at opposite ends of the sofa. Chris appeared to be contentedly reading a magazine, while Vin watched TV. Upon closed inspection, the magazine was upside down and the TV switched off. Suddenly, the two burst out into laughter. Neither had said a word, but both seemed to think something almost painfully funny.

From behind the couch, a pleading whine. "What're you guys talkin' 'bout?"

"Nothin', Ezra, no one said a word," Vin looked over the couch to see the normally well-dressed undercover, jacket and tie missing, shirt untucked, hair ruffled.

"I know you didn't say nothin', Mr Tanner. You're doin' that freaky thing where you just think the same."

"No we're not," Chris' head popped up from his side of the couch, next to Vin's.

"Then what's so funny?"

"Dunno," Vin and Chris said together and then proceeded to kill themselves laughing. They finally stopped when Vin fell over the end of the couch, hitting his head on the hardwood floor.

"That hadda hurt," commented Standish, getting up in search of more pot plant.

He wandered into the kitchen, where he found Nathan sitting in the middle of the table, staring out of the window.

"How's it goin, you pompous, condescending hypocrite?"

"Not bad, you good for nothin', low-life snake in the grass," Nate grinned at his friend, then resumed his absent gaze.

"What's up?" Ezra hoisted himself up on a stretch of bench.

Nathan frowned. "I came in here for a reason, but I can't remember what it was."

"Nothin' to do with munchies, I s'pose?"

A smile crept across the agent's face. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I'm beginning to think in those directions myself. Let's see what bounty these cupboards hold."

From outside the window, a dreadful howling began.

"Oh Susannah! Well don't you cry f'r meeee. 'Cause I came from Alabama with a banjo on my kneeeee."

"What the hell is that?" asked Nathan.

"Whatever it is, let's shoot it," came the reply.

The howling continued, as Buck wandered the backyard, aimlessly. There were brief pauses, as the curious man stuck his head into every nook and cranny of the garden. He looked under plants, up in the branches of trees. The yard was really very small, but Buck kept forgetting where it was he'd already looked, so his search was endless. Occasionally, he would whisper "JD? JD, I know y'r out here, somewhere. Where are ya, JD?"

JD was sitting in the living room, with Chris and Vin. He was telling jokes and never had he had such a receptive audience.

"Okay, you'll love this one," the men in front of him were already laughing, so JD figured he couldn't lose. "There are these two guys, okay, these two guys and one guy says to the other guy Hey, you want to buy a cow? Well, the second guy says to the first guy..."

Chris and Vin were already laughing so hard they weren't even listening.

"Come on, you two, I haven't even got to the punch line, yet!"

"It's not the joke, JD. The joke sucks," Vin had to stop laughing, just to breathe.

"So what's so funny?"

Chris and Vin burst out in a new wave of laughter. "Dunno!"

In the next room, Nathan attacked the 'fridge, while Ezra attacked the cupboards.

"Ho..." Ezra whined, looking up at the pantry.

"What is it?" asked Nathan, searching for butter.

"All the stuff I wan't's on the top shelf an' I'm too short."

Nathan shook his head. "So climb up and toss it down," he suggested, as if it were the most rational thing in the world.

While Ezra climbed up the shelves on the pantry, Nathan finally concluded that there was no butter.

"He should really stock up his 'fridge more often," Jackson said, sagely.

"Him who? This is you house."

"No it's not."

"You sure?"

"Ezra," Nate rolled his eyes, "I know my own house."

"Oh," a pause as Ezra thought, "well, it sure as hell ain't my house, I'd have camembert in the cupboard."

Having reached the top shelf, Ezra began throwing the contents down to Nathan. However, within three tries, Nathan realised he did not have the hand-eye coordination to catch anything, so he turned back to the 'fridge. He barely even flinched as boxes of food pelted his back.

The howling stopped abruptly. Buck, in his travels, had encountered the most wondrously beautiful thing he had ever seen. This object was more enchanting, more intoxicating than any woman could ever be. This object was so... shiny. Buck approached it with reverence, reaching his hands out to touch it, then, realising that it would not run away, grasping it, firmly. He brought it up nearer his face, where he could get a better look at its shininess. It was breath taking. How could he have lived so long and never truly appreciated the loveliness of a bicycle pump?

Vin, Chris and JD wandered into the kitchen, looking for something to eat. To their astonishment, an array of food was already layed out for them. Every munchy they could wish for. There were sandwiches made with tomato sauce, instead of butter, and tasty cheese. There were bowls of chips, each of which Nathan had diligently snapped in half, just to make sure they weren't stale. Most importantly, there was pizza. It was cold; leftovers straight from the 'fridge, but pizza is pizza.

"Come and get it, Buck," JD yelled out the back door.

Buck dropped the bicycle pump and looked up. "There y'are, JD. I been lookin' for ya, everywhere."

He joined them in the kitchen and they all began to eat...

The group stared, stunned, at the screen. The silence was thick, as each tried desperately to remember doing any of the things depicted on the tape.

"Josiah, where did you *get* that?" Nathan, the most conservative of the group, was horrified that such a record existed.

Josiah grinned. "Remember last month? The pot plants Ezra confiscated, but neglected to hand it?"

"Oh, I remember. The *pot* plants," Ezra grinned, sheepishly, and a murmur of realisation passed around the group. They remembered the plants and the morning after, but they still didn't remember the night.

"But I don't get it," interjected JD, "you were smokin', too. How come you weren't all messed up?"

"Son, there was a time I smoked pot like Ezra drinks coffee."

"That would explain the short term memory loss," Nathan teased.

"Not to mention the total lack of dress sense," Ezra added.

Josiah just snorted and turned his attention to Larabee. "So, what do you say, Boss?"

Chris grimaced. "How does a week sound?"

The End