Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to steep so close
You could touch it but your heart would break
Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much you'd already done
Josiah looked up into the late afternoon sky
as a shiver ran through him. Other than a scattered few small cottony
patches of white, the sky above was brilliant. Like the darkening depths of the
ocean, the blue intensified the further out one looked. Another
shiver brought the big man's attention back to his circumstance. Perched
high above the rest of the town, he sat with a hammer in one hand and a shingle
in his other. In the distance he caught a glimpse of Nathan and Vin
walking casually toward the warmth of the saloon. Nathan paused mid-stride, his
face turning toward Josiah. Josiah could picture the frown on his
friend's face and setting the hammer down he reached for his discarded
coat. The action must have appeased the healer because when Josiah
looked up again Nathan was in motion, jogging the few steps needed to catch up
with Vin.
Josiah grinned and shook his head at the
influence his friends seemed to have over him. He was still his own man
but it amazed him some days the length he'd go to in order to avoid worrying
one of his brothers. Sighing heavily he tossed the shingle still clasped
in his hand down into his wooden crate of tools and placed the hammer in next
to it. It had been a long day. His arms and legs ached from both
the strain of use and the lack of full motion. He wondered when his tools
had tripled in weight. Resting a moment before climbing off the
roof he looked out over the town again.
The rough wooden buildings didn't appear
anything but normal. Scattered green wreaths adorned a few doors and
windows, the only things signaling that Christmas was only a week
away. Josiah couldn't help but frown at his own
discouragement. Seven days didn't seem like a lot of time for him
to get ready for his Christmas service. Then again he wondered if he'd actually
have any one come to share the service with. Religious was not a word he
would use to describe Four Corners. He chuckled at the thought. He
wouldn't even use religious to describe himself and yet here he was mulling
over a yet unwritten sermon and worrying no one would show up to hear it.
Checking the sky, Josiah forced himself to
climb off the roof before it became too dark to see well. In his
exhaustion he wasn't feeling overly coordinated and the bruises on his thumb
seemed to emphasis his lack of precision in the late hour. He
smiled as he stepped inside the small building. He hadn't realized he was
so cold until the interior's warmth swept in and around him. As he
carried his tools into the back room his mind again thought of the upcoming
holiday.
Lowering himself in a front pew he stared at
the altar. Christmas wasn't about religion really, he decided. It
was about the man, Jesus. Josiah smiled.
"A simple carpenter." He thought; then
laughed shaking his head and murmuring out loud. "Definitely not simple,
and not just a man."
As weariness seeped over him, Josiah wondered
if Jesus has ever felt so weary. After those long days in the desert was
he ever ready to just walk away and hide. He knew the answer to that
question even as he thought it. He'd read the stories of Jesus going off
by himself to rest and to pray. Looking around the church again Josiah
wondered if the same thoughts went through Jesus' mind. "Will my work
ever be done?" On those long hot days did Jesus ever get discouraged?
So many lessons to teach, so many people to heal, so much to do.
Josiah wondered if he could get the church
finished in three years. Even if he could, he knew, his job wouldn't be
done. It wasn't about the building. The building just sheltered the
people. It was the people he worked for, and it was the people that Jesus
had been born to die for.
The heaviness of his own thoughts drove him
back out into the cold as he sought shelter and food and friendship.
Sometimes I think Of Abraham,
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that, no less than he
And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond your reach
The cold air had turned bitter in the few
dark hours that Josiah had spent in the saloon and stepping through the
bat-winged doors, the chill caught at his breath. Behind him the din of
the saloon's patrons was a constant. The smell of warmth and whiskey inviting
him to turn back and seek his comfort there. But knowing he'd already had
too much to drink, he didn't want comfort.
"Hey Preacher." Someone acknowledged him as
they scooted past and into the building and he managed a grunt in return.
He stepped off the boarded walk and moved toward the church
instinctively. It was his home after all. It was his shelter.
Glancing up at the building in question, he paused. The rundown building
stood silhouetted against the star brightened night. From where he stood,
Josiah could have sworn the shadow of the steeple stretched up and actually
brushed the sky.
Focusing his slightly blurred vision he
picked out one single star. He thought of God's promise to Abraham.
His descendants would out number the stars in the heavens. Was it a
promise or a burden? Josiah wasn't sure he'd appreciate that kind
of promise but he knew he didn't exactly have the faith of Abraham
either. One star, was one of those stars his own?
Jesus had a star, a star to lead the wise men
and the shepherds. A star to proclaim his birth. Did Jesus
ever feel like Abraham, a stranger in this land? Did he feel like a
stranger in this world? Josiah filed the thought away in his mind for his
sermon, at the same time remembering the many times in his travels that he'd
felt like a stranger in the land. Listening to his father's preaching and
wondering how it was being accepted.
A feeling of despair swept over the haggard
preacher as he thought of his father and the ways he'd rebelled against the
man. He had chosen to seek his own way. His father's hypocrisy
driving him away. His heart broke. His drink clouded mind grasping
onto the guilt of his sister's destruction. A dry sob escaped before
Josiah even realized he wanted or felt like crying. Who was he to get up
on Christmas day and take it upon himself to preach a message of any kind?
Josiah's eyes swept the darkness again
and he jumped, startled to see a single star fall across the sky.
Immediately his spirit calmed and he was overwhelmed with a sense of peace.
"Talking in that whisper again are you God?"
He smiled faintly as he again began walking toward the church.
He might have sought his own way back then,
but now he sought the truth. It was a struggle and a constant, but still
he would seek. Somehow through all his failings and stumbles, he
was beginning to realize his promise. His own promise from God, step by
step when he couldn't find his grip anymore, God still held on.
A song filtered through his mind and softly
he whistled the hymn, his heart lightening. He'd be ready on
Christmas. He'd preach from his heart and whether there was a church
full, or only one soul or even if it was just him alone, he'd rejoice and thank
God for his son. Tonight he'd sleep because he needed the rest.
There was so much left to do.
Oh God, you are my God
And I will ever praise you
Oh God, you are my God
And I will ever praise you
And I will seek you in the morning
And I will learn to walk in your ways
And step by step you'll lead me
And I will follow you all of my days
The End
