A Kind of Peace
Warning: Death of canon characters
The sound of thunder woke Vin Tanner from his restless slumber. With a sigh, he sat up in his bunk and leaned back against the wall.
Just as well,he thought. He'd tried sleep as an antidote to his endless, pain filled thoughts, only to have them invade his dreams. Either way, he guessed he'd have no peace until he faced these particular ghosts.
Ghosts...With a choked sound that was dangerously akin to a sob, he buried his face in his hands. Ghosts were all he had left to keep him company. Ghosts of memory. Ghosts of sorrow. Ghosts of regret. Ghosts of the past.
The familiar feelings of guilt and despair rose in him. He gasped for breath, as the bitter intensity of the emotions coursed through his body. Instead of trying to fight it, as he usually did, this time he offered no resistance as his traitorous memory dragged him inexorably back. Back to the day everything had changed.
"It's up to you now, pard." Chris Larabee's voice was barely a whisper.
"Hang in there, cowboy. Ya don't want me looking out for this bunch." Vin attempted a feeble smile. "I ain't got your sunny nature. Aint that right, Nathan?"
He glanced up at the healer, who was kneeling in the dirt on the other side of Chris, trying desperately to staunch the constant flow of blood from his friend's chest. Nathan's arms were crimson to the elbows and still the puddle of blood around Chris grew steadily larger. The other four men were huddled closely around them, speechless with horror, as they watched their leader's lifeblood draining away.
Even as Vin shook his head in denial, he could feel Chris's grip on his hand slackening. He held on tightly, trying to infuse some of his strength into his friend's too still body. He refused to let go, even after Nathan reached out and gently closed the lifeless eyes.
Vin could hear the other men around him, but their sorrow seemed a distant thing. He felt numb. He couldn't think. Couldn't feel. He might have remained kneeling there forever, if Buck, who hadn't moved or made a sound since emptying his gun into Chris' killer just a fraction of a second too late, hadn't suddenly let out a piercing cry born of grief and guilt. Vin looked up to see Buck wheel around and dash through the gathering crowd. He was gone before any of them had a chance to react.
"What do we do now?" JD's anguished words finally pierced Vin's griefstricken numbness. He got slowly to his feet and looked around at the remaining men. It was up to him now. Squaring his shoulders, he vowed he wouldn't fail them or Chris.
But he had, Vin thought bitterly. He'd failed all of them. That's why he was here. He deserved to be here.
Buck and JD had been the next to go. The insanely jealous husband of one of Buck's ladyfriends had been the one to walk up and shoot Chris at point blank range. The woman's husband had died, never knowing he'd shot the wrong man. Buck's feelings of guilt were expressed in an increasingly belligerent attitude. The other men hardly recognized their formerly happy go lucky friend. That man seemed to have died along with Chris. Vin's own grief gnawed at him continually. It was all he could do to hold himself together enough to take over JD's duties as sheriff, while that young man shadowed Buck, determined to keep this friend out of trouble.
Damn it, anyway. JD was just a kid. If I hadn't been so caught up in my own pain, I might've realized how out of control Buck had become. Chris would've known.
Even as he berated himself, he recognized how useless it was. Buck and JD were dead. Killed in a senseless, drunken brawl. Just like a thousand others the seven of them had broken up during their time in Four Corners. Only there hadn't been seven of them anymore.
After losing Buck and JD, he had decided it was time to move on. Josiah and Nathan were settling in and making a place for themselves in the town. They didn't need looking after. Vin wasn't sure what Ezra's plans were, but he reckoned the gambler would do better without the burden of an ex bounty hunter who had a price on his head. He'd made Nathan and Josiah promise to stay in town and not come after him no matter what they heard. He didn't exactly tell them of his plans to go to Tascosa but he figured they'd probably guessed since they'd been so reluctant to give him their promise. He'd finally had to invoke Mary Travis and little Billy's names, as well as remind them of their duty to the town. A duty that had no one but them left to fulfill it.
He was saddling his horse in the livery the morning after the funeral, when he felt, rather than heard, someone approach. He looked up, and there stood Ezra, saddlebags packed and ready to go.
"Why Mr. Tanner. I am simply crushed that you did not think to invite me on your little excursion." The southern gambler had made a valiant attempt at his usual light hearted banter.
Vin just shook his head grimly. "You ain't goin' Ezra."
"I beg to differ", began Ezra. Then he abruptly dropped all pretense. "I am going my friend." he'd said quietly.
And so they had ridden out together towards Tascosa.
Vin cursed the weakness that had caused him to allow Ezra to accompany him. He'd gotten used to having friends around, watching his back. Being his friend had led Ezra to his death. They'd never even made it to Tascosa. They'd gotten caught in an ambush a few miles outside of their destination. The memory of Ezra's pain wracked green eyes filled his vision and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He wished he'd never...
Never what? He opened his eyes. Never met Chris? Or Ezra? Or the rest of the seven? Part of him rose up in protest at the thought. He couldn't wish that. Those days had been the only time in his solitary, lonely existence that he had felt like he belonged somewhere. He'd mattered to someone. To six other someones. Selfish as it might be, he found that he was unable to give that up, even in theory.
Inexplicably, he felt his crushing load of guilt and sorrow ease a bit. Another flood of memories washed over him, this time untainted by guilt or grief.
He remembered a lean, blackclad figure and a single glance that had changed his life. He remembered a pair of hands probing gently at his wounds even as their owner scolded him for obtaining them. He saw a young, innocent looking kid proudly wearing his shiny silver badge. A tall man stood next to him, grinning merrily. A dapper looking gentleman shuffled cards in the saloon, showing a glint of gold tooth when he smiled. And from somewhere in the distance he seemed to hear a deep voice rumble. "Peace be with you my brother."
Vin's musings were cut off by the arrival of the guard. "Time to go, Tanner." he said, opening the door to the cell.
Vin had managed to find a kind of peace. As they tightened the noose around his neck, he could only hope that it was enough.
The End