I Hate the Hat
It was a scorching hot day out west and JD Dunne relaxed in a wooden chair outside his office. Nothing had happened for weeks and JD was becoming bored of the peace and quiet. He was hungry for some action.
He put his hat over his face to shield his eyes from the bright sunshine, and started to drift off to sleep.
"JD, can I ask you some questions for my article?" asked Mary Travis, who JD hadn't heard approaching.
JD removed the hat from over his eyes, replacing it on his head, and smiled at Mary. "Go ahead Mary - anything to relieve the boredom," he replied.
"Do you think the peace in this town will last much longer? It seems like this town could remain lawful forever," said Mary.
"Ma'am, I reckon it's just a temporary lull, 'til someone decides to make more trouble - at least, I hope so," replied the easterner.
"You hope so? You mean you want trouble here?"
"I'm gettin' pretty sick of having no-one to arrest, Mary. It's been so long since there's been any criminals here - there must be some somewhere."
"Are you thinking of leaving to find some somewhere else?" asked Mary, worried.
"Of course not, ma'am. I don't intend to quit my job."
Buck Wilmington then made his presence known by taking JD's hat off his head. "When are you goin' to get rid of this thing?" asked Buck agitatedly.
"When you set that caterpillar free, Buck," replied JD, cheekily.
"YOU ... " said Buck, becoming angry. Suddenly, without warning, he threw JD's hat onto the ground and proceeded to kick dust all over it.
"BUCK - stop it," said JD, upset.
"Mr Wilmington, I think that was really un-called for," said Mary, annoyed at his behaviour.
Buck stopped kicking the dust, but left the hat on the ground. "I keep telling him to get a different hat, but he just keeps wearing this one," said Buck.
JD stooped down and tried to pick up the hat but Buck snatched it off him and held tightly onto it. JD suddenly had an idea and said, "Okay, keep my hat - just don't be surprised if someone decides to set that caterpillar free one day."
"What?" asked Buck, in shock.
"That furry thing under your nose, Buck - if my hat goes, that goes as well."
"Gentlemen - this behaviour is most immature. Do you have nothing more practical to do than to quarrel?" said Ezra, approaching them from the saloon.
"Ezra - tell him to give me my hat back," said JD.
"Ladies love this moustache, JD, so it stays," said Buck, clearly hurt by JD's words.
"The two of you are behaving in the manner of children. There are more adult procedures you can take to reconcile your differences," said Ezra.
"Ezra, I'm not going to play poker every time Buck attacks my hat."
A loud laugh from JD's side startled the men and they turned to face the newcomer.
Chris Larabee stood grinning at the men, not something Chris often did. "You two should see yourselves, quarrelling over a hat."
"It's not just a hat, stud - it's a ... a ... monstrosity," said Buck, finally finding the right word.
Chris took out his gun and pointed it at Buck. "Give him his hat back or I'll shoot you - I'm fed up of you hating his hat."
"You wouldn' shoot me, stud," said Buck, confidently.
"STUD? That does it," said Chris. He replaced the gun on his belt much to Buck's relief, but walked toward Buck menacingly.
Buck threw the hat on the ground, then started to run away and Chris gave chase.
JD picked up his hat and dusted it down as best he could.
Ezra and Mary cheered on the two men getting further and further away from them. Both men were good runners and it would be interesting to see who got out of breath first.
Vin came out of his wagon and looked at the two running men, curiously. "There's somethin' ya don' see every day," commented Vin, joining Mary and Ezra where they stood watching.
JD had left with his hat to see if he could wash the dust off of it.
Chris and Buck stopped at the same time, both giving in to their shortness of breath simultaneously. They were still quite some distance apart.
"Buck, I want you to stop bugging the kid about his hat," said Chris, after he'd regained his breath.
"He enjoys it really," said Buck, refusing to accept the hat he hated so much.
"He's fond of that hat."
"An' that's that," chimed in Vin from where he stood, making a poem out of it.
Buck frowned at Vin.
Vin frowned back before bursting out laughing. "You shoulda seen yourselves chasing each other," said Vin between laughs.
Chris began laughing as well and Ezra and Buck soon joined in.
Mary threw the group a disgusted look and went back to her newspaper office. 'MEN!" she thought to herself.
The End