Mary Sue and Billy Bob Come to Town
"Why are you here?" Mary Sue pouted. She was not impressed. Someone had told her she was going to be meeting Chris... or Buck... Ezra perhaps. JD would be cute, too.
"What are you all grumpy at me for? I didn't ask to be sitting here with any girl, you know!" Billy Bob wasn't beyond pouting either.
Great mess they were in! Could these damn writers ever get anything right?
They sat for some time, until Mary Sue put her feet up on one of the Saloon chairs, sighing. It wasn't very lady-like, but she didn't give a damn. "I'm bored. Where are the cowboys?"
Billy Bob snorted. "They don't like to be called cowboys. Typical girls! You're so dumb."
"That just shows you have no idea at all," Mary Sue declared, feeling very superior. "Chris is the one who doesn't like to be called a cowboy. None of the others have ever said they mind. You don't even know them!"
Billy Bob sneered. "Hey, if I got around as much as you do, I'd know the nitty gritty too. But I am not a slut!"
"Who are you calling a slut?"
They both jumped to their feet, getting ready to have a good old cat fight, when the saloon doors opened and the boys walked in. All of them.
Mary Sue clutched the nearest table top, trying to steady her frantically beating heart.
Billy Bob however tried to act cool, leaning casually against the bar, tapping one foot slightly against it while leaning on his elbow, watching the men with practiced disinterest.
Ezra walked up to the bar, asked for a drink and tipped his hat to Billy Bob. "I swear, I've seen you around here before, Sir."
"Um..." Billy Bob stuttered, blushing furiously.
Sensing the stranger's giddy interest in him, Ezra decided to have some fun. He put on his most seductive smile, causing Mary Sue's heart to just about burst even though it was not even directed at her. "Perhaps I could interest you in a friendly... game?" Ezra drawled, focusing on Billy Bob.
Billy Bob gaped at him, his eyes fixed on the luscious lips. "I... I..." Then he slid slowly and rather ridiculously to the floor.
Laughing out loud, Mary Sue fell off her chair, but quickly picked herself up again. "Billy Bobs! They're all the same!" She quieted instantly when Ezra turned the smile on her.
"And what brings you to our quaint abode, ma'am?" he asked smoothly.
"Well... I wanted to... I mean..."
Chris stepped forward, slinging an arm around Ezra's shoulder. "I think she was hoping to get better acquainted with you, Ezra dear."
With a sigh, Ezra said, "Will they never learn?"
Mary Sue sulked and Buck took pity on her. "Now now, 'lil missy. That ain't no reason to be all sad." He sat down next to her. "A pretty lady like you ought to be showin' off that smile of hers. Yeah, that's better!"
Mary Sue beamed at Buck. "I knew you'd understand. Oh Buck, you're so attentive - every woman's dream."
"Well... actually..." Buck stuttered, growing increasingly uncomfortable. "I ought to point out to you that..."
JD walked up to the table, taking a seat next to Buck and placing a hand on his. He turned to Mary Sue and said without malice, "You know, you're awful pretty and all, and I think they might even give you a part on the show. But when the cameras get packed up, Buck goes home with me."
Gasping and close to tears, Mary Sue just stared at him. She'd always been quite fond of the youth with his puppy dog eyes and lovely black hair, but to be turned away for a... a man! Even if it was Buck. What would her girl-friends say when she got back home?
She looked towards the door where she found Nathan looking back at her with a bit of a glare in his eyes. "Nathan?" she asked, growing desperate.
"Sorry, ma'am, but I don't like no women who wanna interfere with a man's life."
"Vin?"
The tracker had been slumped on a chair, sipping from a glass of whiskey. "I'm afraid I'm busy."
"What with?" Mary Sue shrieked, close to hysterics.
"Hell, I never know from one day to the next. But there'll be somethin'."
She looked at Josiah, pleading with tears in her eyes. "You claim to know all that's worth knowing about women, preacher!"
"That I do, sister." Josiah approached her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently. "But I know a whole lot more about men."
Mary Sue jumped up, spinning around and throwing accusatory glances at the seven men. "When those slash writers lose interest in you cowboys, you'll all wish me back here!"
Laughing, they watched her run out, her arms flailing angrily in the air.
"At least we know that ain't ever gonna happen." Chris leant over to kiss Ezra tenderly.
Buck and JD were already making their way upstairs, giggling and whispering sweet little nothings in each others' ears.
Josiah motioned for Nathan to help him carry the still unconscious Billy Bob outside. They'd get him a room at the boarding house. The next Mary Sue was always just around the corner; she could take him away with her on her way outta town. Vin always volunteered to show them the way, in case they didn't know.
Chris drew back, smiling down at Ezra. Then he looked at the still flapping saloon doors, and asked, a little anoyed, "Did she just call us cowboys?"
END