Notes: This is set at the very beginning of Team Seven. Vin has been a part of the Team for only a few months. It will be slash eventually, C/V style. The hurt is both psychological and physical. The comfort is... well, comforting... I hope.

Close...

Vin Tanner stretched until his joints popped, smiling as the tension throughout his lithe body eased. The bullpen was quieter than he’d seen it in the last six months since he’d joined ATF Team Seven. He looked around, the others were talking in quiet tones; even JD’s jokes were delivered in a hushed voice. He’d dealt with it for the last couple days, it seemed to go with Larabee’s mood. The Team leader, never one for a lot of chit chat, had become monosyllabic. He came in with a frown, cloistered himself in his office most of the time, and left wearing the same frown. And it was impossible to miss the smell of whiskey when he passed by.

As if thinking about him called the blond, Chris Larabee entered the room, striding across the open suite toward his private office. As he neared Tanner’s workspace, he slowed, giving the "new guy" a strange look. Vin nodded, wondering at the expression on the man’s face. There was one explanation that he’d like to be true, but that seemed as likely as Ezra Standish buying off the rack.

After the supervisor entered his little office, Vin decided it was time for answers. And the best person to ask questions about the quiet blond was his oldest friend. He needed to find out what Buck Wilmington knew about the situation.

Wilmington looked up as he approached, his deep blue eyes flashing brightly. It seemed that the man had been expecting him. He leaned against the big man’s desk and folded his arms across his chest. Not one to beat around the bush, he said, "So, why all the pussyfootin’, Buck?"

White teeth flashing beneath his thick mustache, the other agent said, "Wondered when you were gonna ask."

"So it ain’t my imagination." It wasn’t really a question.

"Nah, not at all. You see --" Buck stopped talking when they all heard the sound of Larabee’s door slamming shut. They all turned to see their supervisor stalking back across the room, briefcase in hand.

As he passed their desks, he spoke sharply, "See you boy’s Monday morning. Josiah, you’re in charge." As he passed the desk where his old friend sat, he gave Wilmington a slight nod, never breaking stride.

"Ah, hell. Look, if you want to continue the conversation, shut down your machine." Pitching his voice slightly louder, Wilmington said, "Josiah, reckon I’m on watch."

"Figured as much. You got anything important going on?"

"Nah, just wrappin’ up some notes."

"Call us if you need backup."

"Reckon I’ll ride shotgun," Vin spoke up, going to turn off his computer.

 

~o~

A short time later, the two men were pulling up in front of The Saloon in Buck’s red Mustang; they parked next to the big, black Ram 1500 already sitting in the side lot. The drive had been made in silence, Vin waiting for the other man to start explaining and Buck seeming to be lost in thought.

Entering the dimly lit building a moment later, they were greeted by the sound of classic rock on the jukebox. Chris was seated in the corner, an open bottle of whiskey; a glass sitting in front of him, half full of the amber liquid. He wasn’t even pretending at sobriety now. Vin caught Buck glancing over at Inez with a nod, the woman gave him a returning look of gratitude.

They sat across the room, several tables and a small dance floor separating them from their friend. The curious Texan said, "Okay, so tell me what’s goin’ on."

Motioning for service, Buck leaned forward and rested his elbows on the old, wooden table. "There’s four anniversaries that can be difficult for Larabee. Sarah’s birthday... Adam’s birthday... their wedding anniversary... and... the day they died.

"Now, the last couple years the birthday anniversaries have gone pretty well, and last year there wasn’t much drama with the wedding anniversary. But the day they died... well, it’s rough."

"And that’s comin’ up?"

"Yeah, tomorrow in fact. That’s why he started smellin’ like a brewery yesterday. I’d say he’s been drinkin’ pretty steady since Wednesday night. He’ll probably drink ‘til Sunday night. Then it’ll be business as usual."

"You make it sound awful cut and dried," Vin chided.

With a snort, Buck responded, "Oh yeah, everybody move along... nothin’ to see here... Hell, Junior, I’ve already been through this particular rodeo four times. The first year, he was never sober. Never." Their discussion paused while both men ordered a drink and dinner, then Wilmington continued.

"We were with the DPD back then, detectives. Back then, he had a plan; he was gonna be the Chief of the Detectives Unit in five years. To get there, he had to be aggressive. Me, I was just one of the injuns and happy to stay that way, so I mostly focused on backin’ him up. We were goin’ after these guys who were responsible for... well, a whole lot of bad shit that was goin’ down. Lot of long nights, weekends... it pretty much took over his life, and mine.

"Sarah was understanding, but even she had her limits. They started arguin’, she wanted him to spend more time at home. He felt he needed to devote his time to the job. Finally, she came to me and asked me to help her out."

"Good ol’ Buck," Vin teased with a wink.

"Yeah... good ol’ Buck." The other man turned dark, haunted eyes toward him before he continued his tale.  "We worked things out so that he took a whole weekend off to be with her and Adam. I promised to keep on top of everything and call him if it seemed like there was something goin’ down.

"Saturday morning, Sarah woke up with Adam... he was four, just about to turn five.  She was going to fix Chris all of his favorites for breakfast, but she was missing something... not sure what. She left him a note that just said "going to the store, be back soon, S, A and Question mark."

There the narrative stopped, and Wilmington sat quietly, staring into space. The silence continued for several minutes, until Vin prompted, "Question mark?"  He felt a knot building in the pit of his stomach.

With a nod, Buck said, "She was pregnant... not quite eight months. She’d had a couple miscarriages after Adam, so they were... well, they were pretty damned happy when she didn’t lose this one."

"Ah... damn..." Vin leaned forward, hands covering his face.Quietly he said, "Sweet Jesus..."

"Yeah. And you’ve gotta swear you won’t say anything about it, Junior. He don’t... I’m the only one of the Team who knows." When Tanner nodded his agreement, Buck continued. "An explosion woke Chris up. Don’t know the details, he swears he doesn’t remember. All I know is what I saw when I got there, and what we learned later.

"The blast blew all the windows out on that side of the house. It scorched everything for yards around the... the blast site; melted the asphalt beneath the car. He’d parked behind her, and she just... she just took his car rather than..." again the narrative stopped, while Buck gathered his thoughts and Vin came to terms with what he was learning. They acknowledged the waitress who brought their order to them, then focused on eating for several minutes after. Buck finally found himself with the mental strength to continue with his story.

"Everyone in the department put in overtime working to figure out who had done it. Hell, even the office staff came in on the weekends to go through emails, logs, and anything else that might give us a clue. The only one that wasn’t working was Chris. The brass refused to let him near the investigation; he was placed on a leave of compassion. Compassion my ass, it tore him apart a little more every day."

"Reckon he had someone keepin’ him filled in on what was goin’ on, though," Vin said.

 With a ghost of a smile Buck said, "Hell yeah... every night. I’d come out to the Ranch after my shift and fill him in. I’d also... well, I made sure he had plenty on hand to keep him numb."

"Don’t get me wrong... but ain’t that enablement?"

"Shut up. All I knew at that time was he was hurtin’ and I wanted it to stop."

"Reckon I can see that. Reckon I’d have done the same thing, too."

With a sigh, Buck continued the narrative. "Anyway, we were able to identify the man who’d set the bomb. His name was Cletus Fowler."

"Was?"

"Yeah. Blew himself up, along with four or five other guys, rather than give himself up. Lab boys said the bomb he used was identical to the one he’d planted in Chris’ car."

"So, he was workin’ for whoever you boys were after?"

Buck shrugged. "Don’t know. Never could connect them. And, as long as we can’t connect them, Chris can’t find peace."

"And he blames himself," Vin spoke his thoughts. "Damn."

"Pretty much," Buck said with a nod, tipping his beer bottle toward the other man.

The two men passed the rest of the evening in silence and meaningless chat. The crowd swelled and dwindled as the hours passed. They seemed to be the only two men who were even aware of the solitary figure in the shadows, quietly becoming more and more drunk. 

Buck found himself splitting his attention between his old friend, and a beautiful, buxom redhead; and she stole more and more of it as the evening wore on. Vin, on the other hand, paid attention only to Chris. The grieving man had gone through his third bottle of whiskey when Inez called out, "Last Call!"

Even those who knew just how much alcohol the blond had consumed were hard pressed to find any indication that he was drunk. Studying him, though, Vin saw that he stood just a little too straight and walked with just a little too much deliberation. As he passed Buck, he slapped the bigger man on the shoulder and said something to him that had both men smiling and the redhead blushing. Then, passing Tanner’s table, he hesitated and, once again, gave Vin a strange look. With a nod and a salute, he continued out the door.

Without conscious thought, the Texan climbed to his feet and started off after the other man. Catching Buck’s eye, he let him know with a nod that he’d watch Larabee’s back. Buck nodded back, a grateful smile of appreciation splitting his handsome face.

Outside, Vin tracked the other man to his truck. As he neared the big, black vehicle, Chris stopped, reaching into his pocket, turned and tossed the keys to the approaching man. "You okay to drive?"

"Had one beer, four hours ago... been drinkin’ tea since then," Tanner replied as he caught the keys. As Chris climbed in on the passenger side, he slid behind the wheel. A minute later, they were heading down the road, toward the city limits.

"So, what’d you tell Bucklin?" Vin asked a short time later.

With a smirk, Larabee said, "I told him looked like you could babysit, and he could devote the evening to gettin’ in the redhead’s pants."

Nearly choking at the statement, Tanner could only sputter out, "real classy, Cowboy."

 

~o~

The ride was quiet, the two men passing the time staring out the window and listening to the soft music coming from the stereo. Vin knew the way well, he had spent many weekends at the ranch since becoming part of the Team. Especially since Chris saw just how good he was with horses. Especially with the hellspawn creature named Peso. Larabee frequently taunted him with the threat that, upon his own death, he was willing the demon in horseflesh to him.

Tanner pretended to be appalled.

As he guided the big truck along the highway, Vin found himself thinking about the other reasons he liked being at the ranch. And, much to his surprise, they all focused on the blond riding beside him at the moment. Larabee wasn’t the first man he’d found himself thinking about, but he was the first man he thought about who was out of his reach. He was his supervisor. He was widowed. He was straight.

Pulling his mind back above his belt, Vin struggled to find something to think about that didn’t involve his boss... and the things he dreamed of doing with him. First he settled on singing softly with the radio. Which was fine until the songs moved into the romantic realm. With a sigh, he asked, "mind if I see if they’re broadcastin’ a game?"

In answer, Larabee hit a button, and the cab quickly filled with the sounds of rubber squeaking on wood, crowds, and a man announcing the plays of a local, High School Basketball Team. Glancing to the side, Tanner was shocked to find himself being watched, that strange expression on the blond’s face once more.

It seemed to take a very long time to get to Chris’ place. But, finally, Vin turned the truck into the long drive, parked near the garage, and turned off the engine. Beside him, at some point, Larabee had drifted off. He studied the relaxed body for a few moments, dreading the thought of waking the other man when he seemed so relaxed. But, it was too cold to spend the night outside, so he settled for moving around to the passenger door and gently opening it.  Gently, he coaxed Chris out of the truck and guided his steps to the back door. Entering the house, they made their way to the master suite. Chris still seemed more asleep than not, so Vin got him out of his boots, coat, gun and tie, then pulled the comforter over the prone man.

With an inaudible groan, Vin Tanner managed to drag himself from the room. He made himself at home in the guest room, slipping nude, beneath the covers. There, he finally allowed his mind to drift, and brought himself to completion against the sheets.

 

~o~

By the time the sun had fully risen, Tanner had coffee brewed and had poured a bowl of cereal. He ate while he perused the front page of the newspaper, then headed out to the barn. He had found work clothes in the mud room so that he wouldn’t ruin his own clothing. Vin spent the morning cleaning the barn and caring for the four horses that lived there. Pony was the one Larabee favored, then there was Peso. Beavis had at one time been Sarah’s but now Buck rode him. Last of all was Milagro, who Chris had been readying for Adam. JD enjoyed riding the half broken horse when he came to the Ranch. Vin groomed them all, then sent them out to the pasture.

The sun was nearly at its apex when he returned to the house. He was filthy and hungry, and intended to address both quickly. He stripped nude in the mud room and slipped into the shower stall that stood in one corner. Scrubbing himself clean, he then toweled himself dry, before pulling his own clothes back on. Padding barefoot into the kitchen, he grabbed a glass of ice water and a bagel before moving through the house. Knocking softly, he entered the master suite, to find Chris sitting on the side of the bed, head in hands.  "Mornin’, sunshine."

"Fuck you," Larabee said in a scratchy voice.

"Even if it was a real offer, don’t think you’d be able to follow through." He was dancing on the edge with that comment. His dick and the quick way Chris turned and stared at him told him that. "Sorry, bad joke. Here, brought you somethin’."

The blond took the glass and bagel, downing half the glass in a single gulp. He sat it aside long enough to pour half a dozen aspirins into his hand, then his mouth, then finished the glass. While he chewed on the thick bread, Vin took the glass to the bathroom and returned with it full of cold water. "You feel like eatin’ somethin’, or you just want coffee?"

Shaking his head, the older man said, "What time is it?"

"Little after noon.  Took care of the horses while you were sleepin’."

"Thanks."

Nodding, Tanner said, "Well, I’m gonna go fix me somethin’ to eat. Let me know if you want somethin’." With that, he left the room, returned to the kitchen, and set about finding something to fix. By the time he had prepared a sandwich, adding chips and a beer before heading for the den, he found Larabee was already there. The blond had slipped on a pair of sweats and was laying on the couch, idly flipping through the channels on the television.

"Anything good on?"

"Not so far." Chris lifted his head and took a drink from a bottle Vin hadn’t seen until that moment. He took a healthy swallow before lowering it back to the floor. He developed a rhythm... Flip. Flip. Swallow. Flip. Flip. Swallow.

"You’re gonna drink, least you can do is eat somethin’."

"Not hungry."

"Didn’t say you need to be hungry, but you need somethin’ on your stomach if you’re gonna keep drinkin’."

"Why?" That single word was delivered in such a soft, hopeless tone, that it nearly ripped the heart out of the man listening.

Because I want you to be strong. I need you to be healthy. I need you to... "‘Cause don’t reckon Sarah’d want y’ killin’ yourself."

The response was instantaneous. Chris leapt from the couch in a single, fluid motion, landing facing the other man. He lobbed the nearly empty bottle of liquor at him; only Tanner’s quick reflexes kept him from being hit in the face with it. In a feral growl, Chris spit out, "Don’t you dare! Not you!"

Watching with shock widened eyes as his friend tore from the room, Vin could only shout before he sprinted after him, "Larabee! Larabee! Chris!"

One man in stockinged feet, the other barefoot, they ran from the house and down the narrow lane that connected the property with the highway. Vin called after the other man several times, to no avail. He wasn’t certain what to say... what to do... what would make things better. If that was even possible.

Tanner watched Larabee begin to slow, lurching to the side of the road a few times before dropping to his knees. With a muttered "shit", he sped up and was quickly at the fallen man’s side. The blond was vomiting; thin, tone body heaving with spasms as he emptied what little there was in his stomach. Vin placed one hand carefully across the other man’s forehead and balanced his body with a hip. He didn’t move until Chris grew quiet. He helped him settle back on his heels, wiping the sweat from the other’s face. Chris leaned against him as he tried to gather his strength, but didn’t seem to be able to stop shaking.

"Let’s get you back inside, okay?" When Larabee nodded, Tanner helped him to his feet and guided him back to the house. There, he coaxed the blond into the master suite, started the shower, and instructed him to strip and get warmed up. Ignoring what the back of his mind insisted he do, he left to go clean up the mess in the great?? room.

A short time later, just as he was wiping down the wall, he heard someone enter the room. " Careful, ain’t certain I got all the glass up."

"Okay... look, Vin, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to... to flip out like that."

"Never mind. Now, you gonna settle down and eat somethin’?"

"I... yeah, I will."

Tanner had yet to turn, and only knew the other man had sat down when he heard the soft squeak and creak of the leather couch. He finished the clean up, then went to the kitchen. By the time he returned, a bowl of soup, crackers and water on a tray, Chris was once again laying on the couch, flipping the channels. And there was a fresh bottle of whiskey on the floor beside him.

 

~o~

"You sure you’re okay out there?" Buck Wilmington’s voice sounded concerned over the phone.

"Yeah, fine. Got him to eat a couple times today and he’s out for the count now, even got him to brush his teeth before I put him to bed."

"Alrighty then, but you call if you need anything, okay?"

"Yes... pa..." Vin teased before disconnecting the call. He busied himself picking up the remains of their dinner, carrying everything to the kitchen. Cleaning up in there, he set two steaks down in the refrigerator to thaw, deciding that Chris would need plenty of protein by the end of the weekend. He checked in on the blond, who was still sprawled out on the bed, snoring softly. He hoped that things were better in the morning.

Dropping wearily back into bed, Tanner found that he didn’t even have the energy to do anything other than fall to sleep.

Vin didn’t think he’d slept long before he was wakened with a long, pain filled wail. Throwing on his boxers, he sprinted toward the master suite, entering to find Chris on his knees, pounding on the floor. "Chris!"

"No! No! No! No! NOOOOOOO!" Larabee screamed over and over as he beat his fists against the floor.

Kneeling near the distraught man, Tanner spoke softly as he moved closer to him. "Chris, listen to me. It’s okay, Cowboy. It’s okay. You’re havin’ a bad dream... a nightmare. You’re okay. Chris, can you hear me?" He carefully wrapped one arm around the trembling body, trying to get through the trauma of Larabee’s nightmare. After long minutes, he finally managed to make himself heard, and his friend leaned heavily against him.

Carefully, Vin lifted Chris to his feet, then guided him to the bed. Larabee took hold of him, wrapping a hand around one of his wrists. As he lowered the traumatized man to the bed, he found himself drawn to the mattress as well. Instinctively he curled up beside Chris, wrapping his arm around the well muscled chest.

"I’m sorry... sorry... I’m..."

"Shh, just go on to sleep." Vin murmured, at once comfortable and ill at ease in the position he found himself in. But he didn’t move; he just held his friend until they both drifted back to sleep.

 

~o~

Tanner woke to sunshine peering around the edges of the closed drapes. He yawned and stretched as he tried to figure out where he was. Then the night before’s events flooded back and he sat up, looking around. He was alone in the room, the sound of a running shower coming to him from the bathroom. He was happy to know he wouldn’t have to face Chris quite yet.

 Slipping out of the bed, he padded back to the mud room, slipped back into the work clothes he’d left there, and headed for the barn. He busied himself with the horses, taking extra time in their stalls before he turned them out to the pasture. Turning, he found himself facing the blond.

"Got breakfast ready," Larabee announced before turning away to return to the house.

Vin followed, cleaning up in the mud room and finding a fresh set of clothes waiting for him on the work table. Dressing, he headed for the kitchen. Chris was sitting at the table, picking at a plate of food. He looked up when Tanner entered the room, a faint blush coloring his features. With a nod, he turned back to study his food now.

Sitting at the plate left for him, Vin picked up the steaming cup of coffee and took a long drink. He wasn’t certain what to say, how much Chris remembered... if he even remembered how they’d ended up in bed together. He finally filled the growing, awkward, silence with, "Looks good."

The blond nodded in response, taking a bite of egg. He studied the plate again, but finally managed, in a quiet voice, "Sorry about last night. Thought I’d manage to get through... things... this year without a nightmare."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Don’t know... can’t say you’d want to listen to it. Not sure I can get through it."

"I won’t push you, Chris, but I’ll listen to whatever you wanna tell me."

Larabee nodded. "Appreciate that. Reckon Buck told you it’s the anniversary of when... when my family was... murdered." When Vin acknowledged this with a nod, the widower continued. "I keep hoping that I’ll make it through a year without... fuck, without falling apart. I never make it, though. I can feel it, I can’t explain it better than that. I can feel the anniversary coming up. It gets like a... like some sort of presence. It wakes with me... stays with me all day... sleeps with me all night. The only thing that helps... seems to help... is a bottle. So I drink myself stupid and hope I can get through another night. But the nightmares still come. I’m there again... watching the fire that... that took my family away. I see it every year, and... fuck... it tears me apart when it comes. And... well, last night... Vin, I just didn’t want to... I don’t know... I couldn’t face being alone. I’m grateful to you... but sorry, all the same."

"Chris, you don’t have to explain, and you sure as hell don’t have to apologize. It’s okay."

Unable to meet his gaze, the blond once again looked down at his plate. "Still... well, it’s not exactly what you signed on for."

No, but it’s something I dream about almost every night, Vin thought. Then he found himself unable to look at the other man, either.  They finished the meal in silence, then Chris set about cleaning up the kitchen, while he went to straighten up the bed he barely slept in the night before.  Afterwards, Larabee talked him into taking a ride up into the far pasture and back, in time for them to fix the steaks on the grill. They ate a late lunch of steak and potatoes while they watched an old John Wayne movie.  There was no further discussion of the weekend, and most certainly not the night before. There was another, odd, furtive glance his way, but Vin didn’t ask about it. It wasn’t important right now. 

Then, in the late afternoon, Chris drove his weekend guest back to the Federal Building, where Vin’s jeep had been since Friday morning. Letting the other man out at his vehicle, Larabee turned to him and said, "Thanks again, Vin. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate... everything."

"Any time, Cowboy. Any time."

... Closer...

The group of men were obviously together, dressed in black; tee shirts, pants, shoes and wind-breakers. Each one also revealed a like expression of barely restrained rage, as well. They sat, huddled together, in one corner of the big waiting room, not seeming to realize just how formidable they appeared to the others gathered there waiting for word on the health of their loved ones. One, blond hair worn short cropped and spiky, moved away briefly, stalking to the coffee maker across the room. Nearly emptying the black liquid into a foam cup, he returned to the huddle, sitting in the middle of the group.

"Who’s here with Vin Tanner?" A nurse asked from the doorway. She had to fight the urge to step back when, as one, the black clad group rose and came to meet her, the blond a step ahead of the others.

"We are," He said softly.

"You... you’re his family?"

"Yes, Na’am, we are."

Nodding, having no intention of questioning the men, she said, The doctor wants to speak to you. If you’ll follow me?"  The group left the waiting room, unaware of the collective sigh heaved by the rest of the people sitting there.

Showing the men to a small conference room, the nurse promised that the doctor would be with them in a few minutes, and that she would have more coffee sent in as soon as possible.  They arranged themselves around the room, Chris Larabee sitting to one side of a small table, leaving room across from him for the doctor. Nathan Jackson sat nearby, his EMT training meaning that he would be able to translate any medical jargon into words that Chris and the others would understand. The other four men settled in seats around the room, waiting impatiently for the medical professional to come enlighten them.  They all looked up expectantly, a few minutes later, when the door opened. It was only a young woman with a coffee laden tray. She sat the tray on the table, managed a smile, and hurried from the room.

The coffee was nearly gone when the door opened again, revealing the doctor. He was middle aged, with short, salt and pepper hair. He had a white lab coat on over his scrubs, but the coat only did so much in hiding the stains of dried blood. He stopped, looking around at the gathering, and smiled. "You’re all here with Mr. Tanner?"

"Yeah. How is he?" Chris asked sharply.

Taking a seat across from the man he gathered to be in charge, the medical professional said, "He’s lost a lot of blood, but the bullet did minimal damage otherwise, and missed anything vital. He also experienced a moderate concussion, so he may have some issues with his vision, headaches, vertigo and even memory.  All in all, however, he’s very lucky and as long as he does what he’s told, he should be out of here by the end of the week."

"Full recovery?"

"I believe so. His age and overall physical health give him an excellent chance of making a complete recovery. I’m given to understand that you’re all involved in law enforcement in some manner?"

With a nod, Chris said, "he’s our sharpshooter."

The medical man whistled softly and said, "Well, it may be a few months before he can return to all of his duties, then. We’ll know more in the next week or so."

"Doctor --" Nathan began.

"Oh, sorry, Frank Gerry. I’m the ER doctor."

"Dr. Gerry, name’s Nathan Jackson. I’m part of the team, but also an EMT. I sort of oversee their physical health. Could I see his records, make sure I know what to look for once he’s released?"

Nodding, Gerry said, "As long as Mr. Tanner is alright with it, I have no objections."

Smiling as he returned the gesture, Nathan said, "Of course."

 

~o~

Vin moaned softly as consciousness pulled him from the comfort of nothingness. He managed to blink open his eyes, and looked around him. There was nothing but shapes, shadows and colors for several seconds, before the world around him began to pull into focus.

"Lar’bee?"

The blond straightened up in the chair he was reclining in. "Hey, how’re you feeling?"

"Like shit."

With a compassionate smile, Chris said, "I can imagine. You’ve been pretty out of it for almost twenty-four hours."

"You been here... th’ whole time?" His voice was rough and dry.

"Yep."

Suddenly, he felt the head of his bed raise and a spoonful of ice chips appeared before him. He accepted them, smiling as the frigid water coursed down his sandpaper roughened throat. "I dyin’?"

Reaching out and squeezing the man’s shoulder, Larabee said in a reassuring tone, "No, you’re not dying. Doc says you’ll be out of here by the end of the week... if you’re a good boy."

Relaxing against the stiff, hospital mattress, Tanner said, "Oh... good. Had me worried..."

"Sorry, Pard, didn’t mean to scare you."

"Jist... jist not used t’ havin’ people... worry about me," Vin stammered, nearly overwhelmed by the emotions he felt welling up inside himself. It was true; he’d been pretty much on his own since he’d lost his mother when he was just five.

Patting Tanner on the arm, Chris said, "Well, get used to it. It’s how we roll as a team."

 

~o~

 

"You sure about this?" Vin asked for probably the hundredth time.

Rolling his eyes and heaving a sigh, Chris replied, "Vin, I know we’re still getting to know one another and all that. I know that you’re still trying to understand what it means to have people worry about you. But one thing I’d hope you’d figured out by now, is that I don’t say things I don’t mean. Yes, I’m sure. Yes, I want you to come stay with me for now. Yes, you’re welcome to stay for as long as you’d like. No, you’re not going to be a bother. No, it’s not going to be an inconvenience. Let’s see... did I miss anything?"

"Yer a smart ass."

"Yep. Now, sit back, shut up, and enjoy the ride."

The ride from the hospital to Larabee’s ranch was quiet, Vin dozing most of the trip. Chris found himself watching his passenger from time to time, studying the relaxed way Tanner slumped in the seat, as if he hadn’t a care in the world. He had done everything asked of him, complying with every order or instruction given him to the best of his ability. Larabee knew that Tanner was only playing the game. He wanted out of the hospital, and he was going to do whatever it took to make that happen.

True to the doctor’s prediction, he had problems with vertigo and headaches. And, although he was seeing fairly well, for the eagle-eyed man, his vision was compromised. His memory issues seemed to be limited to short term, although none of them knew him well enough to be certain his long term memory wasn’t compromised.  But, if he took things slow, didn’t turn his head unless it was absolutely necessary, he seemed nearly normal.

When they arrived at the ranch, Chris leaned over to wake the other man. He found himself lingering; his hand absently rubbing along the man’s firm bicep. He pulled that hand away quickly when he saw a pair of blue eyes regarding him. "Hey, time to wake up, sleepy head," he managed, although his voice seemed a little strained.

"‘Kay." Vin continued to watch him for a few seconds, then turned away and worked on releasing himself from the seatbelt.

They entered through the mud room, Larabee needing to remind Vin only of a few things. It hadn’t been that long since Tanner had come to stay. Suddenly, the air seemed too close and too hot, as he remembered that weekend. Some part of him felt a pang of guilt that he was remembering that time as "when Vin stayed over" rather than "the anniversary of Sarah and Adam’s death".

"Chris?" Pulling himself from his thoughts, the blond looked questioningly at the other man. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Just thinking..."

"‘Bout?" Tanner nudged when it didn’t seem he was going to get any more of an answer.

Looking deep into the blue eyes, Chris managed a smile. "About the last time you were over."

"Uh..." Vin had no response. He had dreamed about that weekend, thought about how he would have liked for it to go. But he’d never thought Chris saw it as anything more than the weekend he’d spent mourning his dead family. "Um... if it’s gonna be an issue..."

Reaching out, Chris stroked a hand down the other man’s face. "No. No issue. No issue at all."

He started to explore the situation more, but a sudden wave of vertigo nearly sent Vin to his knees. He grabbed Larabee’s arm, trying to keep himself upright.

"Whoa, pard, let’s get you horizontal. Think the drive might have taken a bit more out of you than we realized. We can talk later."

"Yeah," Vin muttered disappointedly, "reckon so."

 

~o~

Despite the questions and the feelings they brought with them, Vin woke to discover that he had slept late into the night. The house was dark and silent, no sign that Chris was still up. He groaned softly as he moved, stretching still sore and aching muscles. Pulling himself upright, on the edge of the bed, he waited until the darkened room had stopped rocking before carefully pushing himself to his feet. Going into the bathroom, he took care of nature’s call, washed his face and hands, and gargled a little mouthwash. Running damp fingers through his hair, he tried to tame the unruly locks.

He moved soundlessly through the house, finding his way to the kitchen, where he poured himself a glass of ice water. He couldn’t have anything more exciting than juice right now, anyway. Opening the refrigerator, he found a covered plate holding a sandwich. Deciding that it was probably meant to be his dinner, he retrieved the plate and closed the door. Quickly adding a bag of chips to his find, Vin was soon back in the guest room. He closed the door, and turned on the bedroom TV, keeping the sound low. There was an old John Wayne movie just starting, so he settled back to eat a late dinner while The Duke shot up the bad guys.

But all he managed was thinking about Chris Larabee.

 

~o~

"Good morning, how’re you feeling?" Larabee greeted his house guest.

"Been better, been worse," Vin acknowledged. "Sorry to be such a dud last night."

Chris chuckled, "Don’t worry about it. I know it’s damn near impossible to get a good night’s sleep in the hospital. It’s amazing we don’t come out in worse shape than we went in."

"Yeah, reckon." Tanner regarded the other man, looking for any sign that Larabee was feeling uncomfortable about the night before. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table before he began. "Chris... about yesterday..."

Larabee froze, staring at the other man with a deer in the headlights look. Tentatively he replied with "Yeah?"

"Well, did it... did it mean what it seemed like it meant?" It was the best he could come up with, and knew only too well how inadequate it was.

"Uh, look, I’m not sure what you mean. If... uh... if I said something that bothered you..."

"I just... I don’t know what you were meanin’."

Chris dropped to the chair across from his visitor. Locking gazes with him, he said softly, "Don’t you? Vin, I... well, I mean that I... I like having you around. I... uh... well..."

"Larabee, I’m gettin’ a headache here... reckon you could just, well, spit it out?"

Taking a deep breath, Larabee said, "Damn it, Tanner, I’m... I like you!"

"Yeah, I like you, too, but --"

"No! I LIKE like you."

Vin blinked rapidly, still staring at the other man. "Y’ like like me? Y’ mean... love?"

Shrugging, Larabee said, "I don’t know what you want to call it, I just know that I like being around you. I get... well, feelings... when you’re around. Feelings that... well, I haven’t felt since my wife died."

Vin leaned forward, crossing his arms on the table. "That’s just it, Chris. You had a life, with a woman... had a kid. If that made you so happy, well... how can ya have those feelings for me?"

"It’s not... not the first time, Vin. I’d had... well, experiences... before Sarah came into my life. Both sexes. I’ve even had a few since she died. I just... well, I never found myself just liking one... one... one..."

Putting a hand up, Tanner said, "I get it. Okay, so you’re bi? I always heard tell that ya always land on one side of the fence or the other... y’ don’t, well, stay likin’ both sexes."

"What can I tell you? I have, I do, and I probably always will. I’m attracted to a person, not their parts."

Vin smiled, "Well, that’s one way t’ put it."

Taking another deep breath, Chris said, "I’ve been... well, I’ve gotten some vibes... I feel like... maybe... you feel the same way about me."

There it was, out in the open. Vin blushed, looking down at the table. "Ah, hell."

Looking panic stricken, the blond said, "Oh, shit. I’m wrong... aren’t I? I’m sorry, Vin... I...oh damn."

"Take it easy, Chris," Tanner reached out and took the other man’s hand. "No, you aren’t wrong. I’ve felt this weird sort of... connection... since day one."

Larabee smiled and relaxed. "Okay, then, good. I... whew! Damn, Vin, I was afraid I’d made a helluva mess of this... what we have."

Grinning, the injured man said, "Relax, Cowboy, you ain’t messin’ nothin’ up."

"So do you... are you... interested?"

His grin growing, brightening up his face, the Texan said, "Reckon I am."

 

~o~

They lay, tangled together in long, well muscled limbs and hard torsos, simply enjoying the feel of being together. They had spent a long, tedious week, waiting until Vin had gotten the all clear to do more than hold hands and kiss. Finally, although he wouldn’t be cleared for work for a while yet, the doctor said he could return to "normal activities as tolerated". The man didn’t quite know how to respond to the smiles the two men shared.

The long drive back to the ranch had seemed impossible, so they had gone to Tanner’s apartment in the Purgatorio district. The elevator was out, of course, so they had climbed the stairs together, feeling like a couple of teenagers sneaking up to one’s bedroom.

Chris had made Vin swear that he wouldn’t over exert himself, and Tanner had agreed. He had no problem letting Chris take care of things in the bedroom, just as he took the lead at work.  Their lovemaking had been hard and fast, at first. The second time had been somewhat slower, more eloquent and passionate. Afterwards, they had simply fallen asleep in one another’s arms.

"You awake?" Larabee had felt the other man shift, felt his breathing quicken as he awakened. He shifted slightly, looking at the man who had just become his partner, through a veil of long, chestnut brown, hair. "You at a loss for words?"

Snorting, Vin said, "No. Just enjoyin’ the feel of wakin’ up in your arms. Don’t think I’ve ever felt so... comfortable, in my entire life."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Also feel wore down t’ the nub at the moment. Don’t think I could move if y’ set a bomb off up my ass."

It was Larabee’s turn to snort. "That’s a pleasant visual."

"Hey, Cowboy?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and kiss me." He smiled as Chris rolled over onto an elbow, looked longingly down at him, and did just that.

... Closest

They learned to live two separate lives. Monday morning through Friday evening, they were friends; teammates. But from Friday night until Sunday night, they spent every second together. They explored their love, both physically and emotionally; learned to be discreet and always remember which role they were playing.

But that’s what it felt like; playing a role.  

It was only when they were alone that they could allow themselves to be what they had become. Lovers. The rest of the time, they could be only friends, brothers, co-workers. After a brief time, it began to wear on Larabee.

"I wish..." Chris began as they lay together in bed. The morning sun was peeking around the curtains, offering just enough light that he could see the face of his lover.

"Wish what, Cowboy?"  Vin asked sleepily.

"I wish that we could be more open about our relationship."

"Me too, but we can’t." Tanner said matter-of-factly. "Not ‘less we wanna lose our jobs."

"But maybe..."

"Chris," the younger man sighed, they had been over this time and again. "Even the folks that are gonna be okay with it bein’ you and me, ain’t gonna be okay with you bein’ my boss. Let’s face it, no matter how much better things have gotten, there’s still gonna be folks that don’t like the idea of the two of us..." He motioned around the two of them, indicating their current positions.

"I guess."

"Hey, I reckon you’re used t’ bein’ in charge anywhere y’are, and that’s what I love about y’. But the fact is, y’ can’t glare folks into acceptin’ the situation."

"You don’t know that."

Vin turned to stare at the other man, a smile appearing when he saw the twinkle in hazel-green eyes. "Damn smart ass."

Heaving a sigh, Larabee said, "I just wish... that’s all."

"And the conversation has officially lapped itself. C’mon ol’ man, let's get dressed and go get t’ work on that fence."

 

~o~

The two men had breakfast, then rode out to the far fence, a pack mule carrying the things they would need to patch up the worn slats they’d seen during a ride the weekend before. It was a warm, early summer day, and they were dressed in worn jeans and t-shirts. Chris, riding behind, admired the view. Vin’s tee was a pale gray, tight in all the right places. As he moved, guiding Peso along the way, tone muscles rippled beneath the light material.

Neither man said much, the birdsong, thud of horses hooves, and the wind through the trees seemed enough. Arriving at the spot they intended to replace, both men dismounted, and began to unload the mule. Once that was done, they loosened the animals saddles and packs, ground reined them near a brook, and set to work. After a couple hours of fitting and pounding nails, they had completed the repair.

"Ready for a break?" Chris asked, holding up his canteen and leering at the other man.

"Take it that ain’t water," Vin replied, matching the grin.

"Nope."

Producing a blanket, Larabee spread it out, and the two men kicked off their boots and settled in, close to one another. Passing the bottle back and forth, they downed nearly half of it before capping it and setting it aside. Smiling once more, Chris leaned over, and delivered a soft kiss to the other man, that quickly became more and more heated.

They were suddenly pulling and tugging at one another’s clothing, struggling to strip one another naked...

 

~o~

Sunset found them sprawled out, wrapped around one another and within the blanket. Vin had his head nestling on Chris’ chest, lightly dozing. Both men were sated by the day of hard work, drinking and sex.

With a sigh, Chris said softly, "Reckon we’d better get moving if we want to get back to the house while there’s still light."

"Reckon." Neither man made a move though, both of them too content to spoil the moment.

"We’re not moving."

"Reckon."

Swatting his lover along the back of the head, the blond said, "Come on, Pard, let’s head home."

They dressed, gathered the horses as well as their things. While Chris had donned his boots, Vin was enjoying the feel of the grass on his bare feet. That, in itself was erotic for Larabee, ad Vin was never one to go barefoot. He said it came from years of life as a foster child, never knowing when he’d be pulled from wherever he was living. It excited the blond that this man had gotten so comfortable here and now. But then, suddenly, their happy time was ended with a sharp, pain-filled scream.

"Vin!" Chris hurried over to the other man, who was suddenly on the ground, rolling and grasping his leg. Dropping next to the other man, he said, "What? What is it?"

"Foot!" Tanner managed to bite out.

Larabee shifted his gaze, taking in the foot, which was currently twitching in the air, covered in blood. A long fence nail had pierced that foot, just below the middle toe, sticking completely through, the bloodied tip poking out of the top of his foot. "Oh, son of a bitch." He moved to his saddlebags and withdrew the half filled bottle of whiskey and carried it back to where Vin lay. Steadying the other man with a hand beneath his shoulders, he fed him as much of the alcohol as he could take. When Tanner was able to gather himself and calm down, he left his side long enough to return to his bags. There he dug out the smaller bag, which held rudimentary first aid supplies. Carefully, he bound the bleeding foot, making certain not to jostle the nail any more than he had to. Once that was done, he helped Tanner to mount his horse, mounting his own right after. "Hang on, Pard, we need to move fast."

As a way of responding, the injured man nudged his horse forward, quickly coaxing the animal to a full out gallop. Riding beside him, Chris chanced to glance over and noted the man’s clenched jaw. Tears of pain ran trails down Tanner’s face.

It was dark by the time they arrived back at the ranch. Chris had called ahead on his cell, alerting emergency services to their need for assistance. They arrived to find the ambulance already there, waiting for them.  Helping Vin to dismount, the blond delivered him over to the emergency technicians with the promise that he’d meet him at the hospital as soon as he bedded down the horses.  Tanner held onto his arm, trying hard to accept the separation. Taking a breath he nodded, let go, and allowed the emergency personnel to load him into the ambulance.

Larabee watched the ambulance move quickly back down the lane, before turning to the task at hand. He hurried through the routine of bedding down the horses, ran inside for a quick shower and change of clothes, and raced out the door. It was only after he had gotten to the hospital and found that Vin was in surgery to repair the damage to his foot, that it dawned on him to let the others know. Pulling out his cell, he speed dialed Buck.

"Hey, Chris, what’s up?" The blond could hear the distinct sounds of a restaurant in the background, and a soft, female voice somewhat closer.

"Sorry to disturb you, Stud, but thought I’d better let someone know that I’m at Denver General."

"The hospital? What’s wrong?"

"Nothing with me, it’s Vin. He was helping me patch up some fence earlier today, and stepped on a nail."

"That doesn’t sound bad."

"He was barefoot, it went completely through his foot."

"What? He was barefoot?"

"Yeah, anyway, I got him back to the house and sent him on in an ambulance." He dodged the coming question about Tanner’s shoelessness. "I just got here a few minutes ago. He’s still in surgery, but the prognosis is good. Nail went through soft tissue mostly, although there might be some nerve damage. They’ll know more when he heals."

"Need some company?"

"Nah, sounds like you’re busy," Larabee teased, just as he heard that female voice say, "You don’t have to leave, do you, sugar tush?"

"Settle down, I’m not goin’ anywhere, baby," Buck murmured.

"Aw, I love it when you call me baby," Chris teased, although he knew the endearment hadn’t been aimed in his direction.

"Ah, shit, I was talkin’ to... uh..."

"Charlene..." the woman’s voice sounded hurt now.

"Charlene... I know your name, baby." Directly into the phone, Wilmington said, "Keep me updated... uh, if I don’t answer..."

"I’ll leave a message. Look, I don’t know if I’ll make it in tomorrow morning. If I don’t, hold down the fort, okay?"

"But, it’s still early. I thought you said he wasn’t hurt bad. What gives?"

Hesitating as he realized how he had almost given them away, he said, "I’m just trying to cover all my bases. You’re right, chances are good I’ll be in. But, just in case..."

"C’mon, Baby, let’s go to your place for a... night cap." Came that feminine voice once more.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. If you don’t make it in, I’ll hold down the fort. Talk to you soon," Buck was obviously distracted, and the near slip was no longer on his mind.

Chuckling, Chris said, "I’ll see you tomorrow," as he ended the call.

 

~o~

A sigh alerted the blond that the man lying beside him was waking. Sitting up, he reached out and placed his hand over the one beginning to twitch on the bed. Vin frowned, blue eyes blinking open half way, the orbs shifting one way and another as he tried to bring the world into focus.

"You’re okay, Pard." Chris said softly. He picked up the glass of ice water on the bedside table, bent the straw, and placed it between slightly parted lips. "Drink it slow, don’t need you upchuckin’."

In a dry, scratchy voice, Tanner said, "How long I been here?"

Consulting the wall clock, Larabee confirmed, "About twelve hours. How’re you feeling?"

"Ain’t sure yet."

Smiling, Chris said gently, "Sorry. The doctor said everything went just fine, he doesn’t foresee any permanent damage, other than a scar."

"Good. Twelve hours? You should’a gone home," Vin said pragmatically.

"I’m fine. I caught a few hours on the couch earlier. I showered and changed before I came in last night, so I’ll just go into the office from here."

"Ain’t the best way t’ spend the night."

Allowing a slightly lecherous grin to escape, Chris said, "Well, at least I was with you."

Chuffing a laugh, Tanner said, "Yeah, watchin’ me sleep."

"I’m not complaining." He started to say more, but a sound caused him to turn hurriedly. The nurse that was at the door stood still, in mid-step. The blush creeping up her fine features told the two men that she had heard more than enough.

"Um, hi, I’m here to get Mr. Tanner’s vitals."

"Sure, come on in, he just woke up," Larabee managed to sound fairly normal, despite his embarrassment. To Vin he said, "I’m gonna head out, grab some breakfast before I go into the office."

"Kay, see y’ later."

"I’ll be back tonight after work." Chris barely restrained himself from leaning forward for a kiss. Instead, he hurried out of the room without a look back.

 

~o~

He arrived at the office only a few minutes late, and blamed that on traffic. The five others were already there, Ezra only a step or two ahead of him, and he filled them in on Vin’s injury. As he had worried, the others weren’t quite so willing to let the "barefoot" comment slide. Tanner wasn’t the "barefoot boy" type, and had even worn his boots with shorts when that was all he had available.

"I don’t know, I guess his feet got hot, or itchy, or... hell, something!" Larabee barked in frustration.

"Well, hell, stud, you don’t have to take our heads off," Buck responded. He wasn’t the only one that saw the flush of color tinging the other man’s face.

Taking a deep breath, the blond said, "I’m sorry. I was there later than I’d hoped, he got hurt after helping me out all weekend, I guess maybe I’m just a little stressed out over it all."

"No reason to feel like that, Chris," Josiah said in a gentle rumble. "I’m certain Vin doesn’t hold any grudge."

Shaking his head, the frustrated man said, "No, not at all. Like I said, sorry. It was a long weekend." He looked at each man, ostensibly to let them know he was sorry for barking, but he was also gauging them. They seemed satisfied, but he had a sour taste in his throat. He didn’t like lying, and certainly not to these men.

Why couldn’t they just come out?

 

~o~

All six men, along with Casey and Nettie Wells, found time to visit the hospitalized man. In fact, the rest of Team Seven found themselves lounging around the private room Tuesday evening, when Vin came back from physical therapy.

 "Well, hell, didn’t know we’s having a party tonight." Tanner entered in a wheelchair, his injured foot elevated, wearing a thin set of hospital blue pajamas and a darker blue robe.

"We thought we’d surprise you," Josiah said with a grin.

"Well, reckon I might have an even bigger surprise," Vin responded with a grin. "They’re kickin’ me out tomorrow."

After a round of cheers, the others listened to the instructions that the young man behind the wheelchair began to recite. Quietly, Ezra began a betting pool on just how long their friend would follow the regime the therapist listed, following it up with a handful of written and graphic instructions. Vin, in turn, thrust them at Chris.

After the medical personnel left, the men all offered Tanner a place to stay while he recovered. There was no way he would be able to walk up the four flights of stairs that led to his Purgatorio? apartment.

"I’m obliged, guys, but I reckon I’ll take Chris up on his offer."

"You’re going to be an hour away, if anything should happen," Ezra pointed out needlessly.

"Yeah, I know. But if I’m gonna be stuck anywhere, I’d rather have peace, quiet, and scenery t’ enjoy."

"It’s settled," Chris said with finality as the other five men looked as if they might begin arguing again.

 

~o~

Larabee entered the bedroom, a food laden tray in his hands. He smiled at the groggy man just waking up in the big bed. They had gotten out to the ranch last night and, after a light dinner, he had sent Tanner to sleep with a little exercise. Not the kind that the physical therapist required of him, but he figured it had been a lot more beneficial. For both of them.

"Hell, what time’s it?" Vin muttered, pushing himself up on the bed with a grunt.

"Just after seven."

"Ain’t y’ late?"

"The boss gave me the day off." He busied himself with settling the tray across the other man’s lap, shifting his injured foot back up onto a pillow; fluffing the other pillows at the man’s back.

"Chris, y’ ought t’ go to work."

"Nothing going on. Didn’t you hear? Our Sharpshooter is out with an injury. Buck and Josiah are going to watch over things, get everyone up to date on their notes, stuff like that."

"Ah, shit! I’m farther behind than anyone else," Vin muttered. Sporadic and uneven education had left him with deficits in reading and writing. While he could get by, and typically did an acceptable job, it took him longer than the rest of the men.

"We, sir, are going to work on that from here," Chris said breezily. When the words were answered with a frown, he said, "What? You thought you were gonna get out of it?"

Chuckling, the Texan said, "No, I did not. Just meant what I said, I’d like to enjoy some peace and quiet."

"We aren’t going to work on them today. It’s gonna be another two weeks before you can even go in on desk duty. Reckon we can finish them then."

With a grin, Tanner said, "Sounds like a plan to me. Thanks, Cowboy."

Leaning forward and kissing the other man on the lips, Chris said, "Anytime, Pard."

 

~o~

It was Friday before Vin did much other than hobble to and from the bathroom or the couch. Chris went back to work Thursday afternoon when Nettie came over to visit her 'boy.' On Friday, he went back to the office with the blond, resigned to the couch in the senior agent’s office. He did manage to navigate well enough to go to lunch with the others, as well as meeting with them at The Saloon for live music,thanks to a Country band called "The Peacekeepers." When they hit a selection of slow tunes, both Vin and Chris ached to be able to go out on the dance floor together. Instead, with Tanner’s encouragement, Chris accompanied Mary Travis for several dances, surprising the others with his agility on the dance floor. Although it was easy to see that she wasn’t ready to stop, Chris begged off, claiming a headache as a way to get out of the crowded bar and away from the blonde.

On the way back to the ranch, Vin reached over and took the blond’s hand, holding it in a loose, warm embrace. Neither man said anything, simply took comfort from being with one another.

 Later, snuggled together in the big bed, Chris was alerted to a text on his phone. He read it and started cursing.

Vin, dozing beside him, asked, "What’s wrong?"

"That... that bitch!" Larabee growled, starting to toss the phone away, only to have Vin grab hold of it and take it from his gripped hand.

"Since you have to babysit, can I come over?" Vin read from the screen. It was followed by several, suggestive emojis.

Tanner just chuckled. "Woman’s a reporter but don’t know a news story when she sees it." He hit a few buttons, then handed the phone back to the blond.

"Still got headache." Grinning now, Chris hit the send button, turned off the phone, and turned back to face the other man.

"I still wish..."

"Chris, stop. I know what y’ want. Think I like lyin’ to the boys? I don’t. But, right now, well, let’s just leave it this way. For now."

"Feels like forever."

Pulling the other man down to him, Vin said, "No. This is forever." With that he kissed Larabee full and hard and hot...

The End