Magnificent Seven ATF Universe
What We've Learned

by Rebel Yell

What We've Learned (and would like to pass on) about Ezra Standish, frequent flyer number one. (Note: He's currently in front of Tanner by a mere two visits in the last twelve months. A relatively distant third is Larabee, a comfortable six visits back)

To Agent Standish, a "half-day" means leaving work at 5 o'clock. Do not, under any circumstances, refer to this as symptoms of being a workaholic. He's not going to change, and its not worth the hour long diatribe. Trust me. - Peggy Leonard, RN

Standish knows the people at the airport hotels better than you know your next door neighbors. - Mike Hayes, Security

He really is a genius, he can swear fluently in more languages than most people know exist. - Alex Roberts, RN

Agent Standish normally eats out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week. Commenting on his eating habits will only earn you a long, one-sided ‘discussion' of his busy schedule. -Melissa Carter, CNA

Do not cut his clothes off without getting prior permission, preferably from the patient himself. Since that never happens, next on the list is Larabee or Sanchez. You don't even want to know how much his clothing costs. - Dan Lynch, EMT

It is not a sign of over-organization to have a "to do list" that includes entries for lunch and bathroom breaks. It is also not necessarily a bad thing that they are usually the ones that never get crossed off. - Dr. Lauren Murray

“…support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.” - direct quote from Ezra Standish.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Standish is never cooperative, unless he's unconscious, or Mrs. Travis is in the room. Not even his boss can get him to be any less of a difficult, pain-in-the-ass patient. - Tanya Middleton, RN

In the world according to Ezra, being sick is defined as can't walk or you're unconscious in the hospital. - Dr. Chloe Dresden

Important Translations for Dealing with Team 7; provided by the ER staff

"He has issues."
Really means...
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical. Deal with it."

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means...
"I have no idea why, but he‘s one of ours, so we go along with it."

"I don‘t need a hospital, its just a flesh wound/scrape." - Usually spoken by Standish, but Tanner pulls this too.
Really means...
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

The Things you learn from a hospitalized Standish…

I do not care if it pleases the doctor. I do not care if it pleases the Pope himself. It doesn't please me.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
To err is human, to forgive is not policy.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
Popularity is a social disease, deadly to one's personality.
If you don't approve of my behavior, blame my Mother. I was raised wrong.
Shouldn't you be off to see the Wizard about a heart, Doctor?
My apologies. I did not intend to be so churlish and rude. On second thought, yes I did.
If I accept this graciously, will you then be satisfied enough to cease the poking and prodding?
I am not at all anti-social. Nor am I snippy. I merely don't care for your company. To be short, I don't like you.
If you don't mind, Doctor, I prefer to remain in my delusions. They seem to be rather amusing and enjoyable.
I'm smiling because I've accomplished another life goal. I've actually driven my boss beyond the brink of insanity. My work here is finished.
Excuse me, I'm on a mental vacation. I'll be back in a few days. Until then, leave a message at the front desk. I'll get back to you as soon as I return to my mind.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then you are left no recourse but to baffle them with bullshit.
I want my own clothes, my own bed, and my gun so that I may shoot the next person who merely mentions an injection or blood test.
You really should be ecstatic, gentlemen. After all, it is said that ignorance is bliss.
I don't discriminate, Doctor. I hate all medical professionals.
I don't have an evil twin…I have a good twin.

Friendly fire - isn't. - Chris Larabee

You are not Superman; Tanner, Larabee, Standish, are you reading this? - Dr. Lauren Murray

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. - Buck Wilmington, explaining their techniques for dealing with Standish

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. - Dr. John Ashby, to Ezra Standish.

Five second fuses always burn three seconds. - Chris Larabee, lecturing Standish, AGAIN

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at. - Buck Wilmington

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you. - Vin Tanner

When you have secured the area, make sure the bad guys know it too. - Team 8's Ryan Kelly, to Standish.

Incoming fire has the right of way, so get the hell outta the way ya dumbass. - Vin Tanner, to Ezra Standish.

If the enemy is within range, so are you. - Buck Wilmington

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing. - Josiah Sanchez

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take. -Chris Larabee

The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it. - Ezra Standish

A stay in the ICU just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. - Dr. Lauren Murray to Ezra Standish

When stumbling upon men watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. - Ezra Standish, a tip to Evie Travis.

This isn't a medical institution, it's hell with fluorescent lighting. - Ezra Standish

Sarcasm is just one of the services we offer. - Ezra Standish

“What did you say his IQ is again?” - Dr. Thomas Thornton.

"He disappears like David Copperfield. Ends up in the damnedest places.” Elizabeth Wilkins, RN, after yet another disappearing act by Standish.