Pairing: Chris / Vin

Warnings: Slush (slash, no sex), a little language. Mostly angst.

Notes: For RubyJ., and thanks to Sue, who suggested the plotline.

Synopsis: A misunderstanding threatens to end the C/V relationship until fate, and Buck Wilmington, step in.

Webmaster Note: This story was previously hosted at another website and was moved to blackraptor in September 2012.

Vin Tanner yawned and stretched, staring at the ceiling with a half-asleep gaze. He knew that he was alone in bed; had sensed it even before waking. Chris was already up, probably in the den working on the backlog of reports he had been preoccupied with last night. Vin sighed. Sometimes it wasn’t easy being involved with your boss.

Grabbing up a pair of discarded boxers from the floor, the lithe man pulled them on and padded through the house. Stopping at the den’s doorway, he leaned against the jamb, watching his partner. Chris was bent over the computer, pounding away at the keyboard, a stack of folders at his elbow. A second, smaller and helter-skelter, pile of folders lay on the floor near his feet.

Noticing the oversized coffee mug on the desk, Vin knew that the blond was in for the long haul, and resigned himself to spending much of the four day weekend alone. They had already had to move the planned get-together for Sunday’s football game to Buck and JD’s, so that Chris would have peace and quiet to catch up the work. With a sigh, he slipped up behind the older man and ran his hands along the broad shoulders. The tight muscles were easy to feel under the cotton tee-shirt, and he began rubbing them in an effort to ease the tension.

“Morning,” Chris said absently.

Leaning over and kissing the top of the blond head, Vin answered, “Mornin’. You sleep at all last night?”

“Couple hours,” Larabee yawned.

“Ain’t healthy.”

“What ain’t healthy is me not getting these done this weekend. With the internal audit coming up, it’s now or never.” He leaned back against the other man’s bare chest with a sigh. “You feel good.”

Chuckling, the younger man wrapped his arms around his lover’s body. “Could say the same about you. Why don’t y’ come back t’ bed for a bit? I’ll give y’ a massage, and y’ can catch a couple more hours sleep.”

Larabee seemed to consider the proposal for a minute, but then shook his head. “Can’t do it. I know your massages only too well, Pard. I won’t be coming back in here til tonight if you get those hands working on me.”

Vin considered arguing the point, but knew that Chris was right. Things had been so hectic at work that, not only had Chris fallen behind on the paperwork that was the bane of his existence as Team Seven’s leader, the two men had barely had a minute to themselves for weeks. They had both fallen into bed exhausted the night before, but he was rested now, and if he could coax his lover into the bedroom, it would be hours before they reemerged.

“Okay,” he sighed. “I’ll go fix y’ some breakfast at least.”

“Thanks,” Larabee answered, returning to the computer.

~o~

A short time later, as Vin carried a food-laden tray toward the den, he heard the phone ring. Cursing, he hurried his steps to get it, but Chris had already picked up the receiver. As he entered the den he heard the blond answer, his voice expressing his annoyance eloquently.

“Larabee.” The blond face changed slightly as he said, “Hi Mary...what?... yeah, I’ll be there just as soon as I can.” Turning off the phone, he shoved away from the desk. “I’ll be back.”

“Where y’ goin’?” Tanner called after the retreating back. He heard only ‘Billy’ and ‘call you’ as the blond blew out the door. The young agent stood in the middle of the floor, frustration burning through him as he heard the Explorer flying out of the drive. Slowly he moved back through the house, mechanically putting the tray on the counter. Looking down at the omelet, fresh fruit and coffee, the frustration flared even higher. Storming through the house and into the bedroom, he yanked on his clothes and retreated to the barn. Saddling Peso, he took off for a ride.

As he rode, the angry young man considered the morning’s events. Yes, Chris and Mary had dated for a few months, but they had broken up long before he and Larabee had begun their relationship. He had remained friends with the woman, but it was more for Billy than anything else. Larabee and the boy had developed a strong bond, and the young widow wasn’t about to deny her son that relationship.

But why was it that Larabee could so easily ignore their needs...his needs...and then bolt out the door as soon as Mary Travis called?

He and Chris had barely had any time to themselves lately, but he had spent three evenings in the Travis’ company in the past month. Each time had been focused on Billy – a play, a children’s concert and the young boy’s eighth birthday – but still, it had been time they could have spent together, alone. Instead, he had been at home by himself, waiting for his partner to return.

And when Chris came home from those dates...dates...he had been happy and smiling. How often did he barely get a grunt from his oft-times sullen lover?

On and on the arguments went, battering the man’s crumbling defenses. By the time he returned to the ranch late that afternoon, every doubt that he had ever harbored concerning their relationship had eaten away at him. When all was said and done, the younger man could never quite believe that he could be so important to someone else that they could commit to spending the rest of their life with him. In the back of his mind, a tiny voice, born of years living without love, sang a pain-filled refrain over and over again...”You’re not good enough... you can’t give him what he needs... he’ll get bored with you soon... he’ll see you for who you are... you’re not good enough...”

Maybe that voice was right.

Taking the big black horse to the barn to take care of him, he was disheartened to see that Chris still hadn’t returned. Going to the house, he found no message on the machine, no indication that Larabee had made any effort to contact him. He considered calling the Travis home, but decided that he wasn’t ready to admit to being that needy. Instead he showered and puttered around the house, pretending not to wait for word from his partner.

After another two hours, he decided he had waited long enough. The walls were closing in, thanks to that damned, incessant voice. Throwing a few things in his saddlebags, he stormed from the house, jumped on his Harley, and left. He needed time to think away from the voice and all it’s misery. The young man quickly found that the voice was right there beside him.

~o~

Tuesday morning. Vin pulled into the parking garage just as the sun made an appearance, not surprised that he was among the first to arrive at the federal building. He had spent the weekend simply traveling, stopping when he got tired, eating when he was hungry, and thinking. Thinking about his relationship with Chris Larabee, as well as his place on the team. By the time he entered the suite of offices that Team Seven occupied, he knew what he had to do. Slipping behind his desk, he began composing his request for transfer.

“Vin!”

The team sharpshooter had been so intent on the request that he hadn’t heard Buck Wilmington enter the office. He looked up and nodded, returning to the computer screen. He knew he had to keep himself distanced if he had any hope of making a clean break. It was not to be.

Wilmington pulled him up, a look of shock and relief on his roguish face. “Junior, are you okay?”

Frowning, the younger man said, “I’m fine, Buck, what the hell’s wrong with you?”

His grip tightening, the bigger man said, “Then where in the hell have you been?”

“None of your damn business,” Tanner pulled away from the hard grasp and dropped back to his chair. “Get the hell outta my face, I got things t’ do.”

“We’ve been lookin’ for you everywhere! What the hell’s so important you disappeared without a word!? Did you even think about how worried we’d be... how worried Chris would be? What the hell are you doin’?”

“I’m quittin’! That’s what the hell’s so important!” Vin blurted out angrily.

“Quitting? Quitting! Just like that? No reason, no explanation, just walk out the door?”

“I’m puttin’ in a request for transfer.”

“A request for transfer. Well, hell, that’s all you need to do, right?” leaning over seated man, he said, “You gonna put in a request for transfer with Chris, too?”

Glaring, Tanner said, “That's none of your damn business, Wilmington.”

“He’s my friend, I ain’t gonna stand by and see him hurt.”

“He won’t hurt for long, once he sees the truth of the matter.”

“Oh, he won’t hurt for long...just for the rest of his life! What the hell do you think, he’ll come home, find you gone and just go find someone else?”

With a sigh, the slender man leaned back in the chair. “I just finally come to realize that Chris is better off without me around. I ain’t done nothin’ but think about this since Friday mornin’, and I reckon it’s for the best. He’ll see it too... if he hasn’t already”

“That’s a crock a bull, and you know it. Chris – “

“Chris deserves more than I can give him Bucklin,” his voice trembled and he took a deep breath before continuing. “Before I come along, he knew what he wanted... a second chance at a family. You know how he gets when Billy’s around... he changes, gets this look on his face that... well, you just know he’s wishin’ for somethin’ he can’t get, as long as I’m in the picture.”

Kneeling before the younger man, Buck said, “Vin, I don’t know what the hell gets into you sometimes, I really don’t. Before you came along, Junior, Chris Larabee had been walkin’ around for three long years with a hole ripped in his soul. I didn’t figure he’d ever be able to fill it up, but then you walked right into the middle a that hole and started fillin’ it up. Now, maybe it ain’t ever gonna be completely filled... maybe it shouldn’t be, I don’t know. But I do know, Vin Tanner, that if you walk out on him, that hole’s gonna be ripped bigger than ever, and there ain’t gonna be anyway to fill it. He’s my best friend, Vin, I’ve known him a long time. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, how you make him smile, and I’ve only seen him look at one other person like that. You brought him back to life, when nobody else on this Earth could.”

“But...Friday, when Mary called,” he felt the pain of doubt well up inside him once again.

“Mary called because she needed Chris’ help. She and Billy got into an argument Thursday night, and when she went to wake him up Friday mornin’, he was gone. He ran away.”

“Ran away?!” Vin felt himself flush at the fact that, while he had been running around the countryside feeling sorry for himself, Billy Travis had, been running away as well.

“He’s okay,” Wilmington assured him. “They found him Friday evening, hiding out at a friend’s house.”

“That’s good.”

“Vin,” Buck’s voice turned soft, “there’s something more you need to know.”

“What?”

“Chris is in the hospital.”

Leaping out of his seat, Vin yelled, “Well when the hell were you gonna tell me that, Buck? How bad? What happened?”

Pressing the younger man back onto the seat, the big man said, “He’s okay, they’re releasing him today. That’s why I’m here, I came to pick up that set a clothes he keeps here at the office. We’re not for certain, but we think it was Danielson’s lackeys,” he named the head of the suspected drug operation they were investigating. “Chris was out drivin’ around Saturday afternoon, and someone ran him off the road. He ended up with a pretty nasty concussion. It looks like at some point he cracked his head on the steering wheel, broke his nose... again. Then he ended up with some pretty bad bruises and sore ribs from the airbag. He was out of it til Sunday night, but he’s been coherent since then. Doctor figures he’s okay to go home.”

“Out driving around? He was looking for me... wasn’t he?” Vin asked quietly.

Nodding, Buck said, “He called around, looking for you at one of our places. Then, when he didn’t find he started looking anyplace he could think of. After the accident, when we couldn’t find you, we started checking ourselves. We were afraid that, whoever had gotten to him might have gotten you, too. Glad you’re okay pard.”

“Smiling, Vin nodded and said, “thanks.” Then he sobered, “well, tell him I’m alright.”

Growing angry once more, the big man said, “You mean you’re not even going to go see him? You’re still leaving?!”

Vin looked down at the floor, “this don’t change things Buck, not in the long run. He still deserves more than I can give him. Reckon he wouldn’t a got hurt if he hadn’t been out lookin’ fer me.”

“You stupid son of a bitch!” Wilmington’s voice echoed through the quiet room. “If this is the way you feel, then maybe you’re right... maybe he is better off without you. But he sure as hell don’t think so. We’ve had to all but sit on him since Sunday night, to keep him from goin’ out lookin’ for you. Didn’t matter that the rest of us was lookin’, he had to be out there, too. If that don’t matter to you, then fine, you walk out on Chris. But I’m tellin’ you this right here and now, Vin Tanner, you better get as far as you can from here. If I ever see you again... well, I ain’t for certain what I’ll do to you, but it ain’t gonna be pretty. Cause the only thing I’ll see in front of me, is the bastard that ripped out the rest of my best friend’s soul!” He stressed his point by roughly poking his finger into the other man’s chest.

Vin could only stare, open-mouthed, as Buck turned on his heel and stormed toward the blond in question’s private office. As the big man disappeared, he dropped his head into his hands and let out a single, pain-wracked groan.

Down the short hall, Wilmington threw the door open and stormed toward Larabee’s closet. He retrieved the old gym bag inside on the floor that Chris had stashed there for emergencies. Then, as he stomped back into the bullpen, he stopped. With a half smile, he regarded the lanky young man who stood waiting for him, arms folded across his lean chest.

“Reckon if I gotta spend the rest of my life lookin’ over my shoulder for you, I’ll just stay where I am,” Vin said quietly. Tears glistened in the pale blue eyes, and doubt still shone from them. He knew deep down, though, that Buck was right.

Hooking a long arm around the smaller man’s neck, Buck started dragging him toward the door. “Reckon you made the right decision, Junior. Now, let’s go relieve a certain blond’s mind so you can take him home and do... well, reckon I’ll leave that up to you.”

~o~

Chris Larabee stood under the hot water in the tiny shower stall, letting the heat massage his aching muscles. He hurt from the top of his head to the soles of his feet, and had since he had awakened in the hospital. The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional agony he had been in during that time, though.

Wrapping a towel around his narrow hips, he moved shakily from the stall. The nurse waiting outside took his arm, and coaxed him to the toilet. Dropping wearily to the seat, he ran a trembling hand across his face. “Thanks. Hate feeling like a two-day old calf.”

“Give it time, Chris,” the young woman said. “Give it a little more time and you’ll be as good as new.”

Smiling at her, he took the towel she offered him, and gingerly rubbed at his dripping hair. Slowly he dried himself off, looking down at his painfully bruised chest. From just below his collarbone to just above his navel, ugly bruises of black and purple mottled his flesh. A diagonal slash of even deeper bruising marked the path of his seat belt.

Finally drying himself he slipped on the hospital issue pajama pants and, with the nurse at his elbow, he returned to bed. Collapsing onto the cool sheets, he allowed the young woman to pull the covers over him. Nodding his thanks, he settled in to wait for Buck and his clothing. He had been signed out, all he needed was clothing and transportation. Then he would be back out looking for Vin.

His breath caught in his throat at the thought of his younger lover. He had no idea where Tanner was or what had happened. The other five members of their team had searched almost non-stop since finding out the sharpshooter was missing. They had checked all of his usual haunts and had put the word out that they were looking for information. None of their snitches had found out anything though, and no one had contacted them to take credit for Vin’s disappearance. Fighting back the tears that threatened to spill, he rubbed at the headache that threatened to sever his head from his shoulders in a dazzling explosion. He heard someone enter the room and turned swollen, blackened eyes in that direction. “What took you so long?”

“Thought I’d see if you were up for some company,” Buck replied, dropping the bag onto the chair beside the bed.

“Buck, I don’t have time for games, and I don’t have time for company. I’ve been thinking of where else we can go to look for Vin, and –“

“Call off the search, Cowboy,” a soft drawl interrupted him.

“Vin!” Larabee flew up from the pillows, the action causing the pain to skyrocket. He grabbed his head, groaning as the world spun violently.

“Shit,” Tanner was at his side in a flash, taking hold of his partner. “Take it easy Chris.”

The blond wrapped his arms around the lean frame, holding on for dear life. He buried his head against Tanner’s neck and sobbed, not caring who saw Chris Larabee in an uncharacteristic release of emotions.

Carefully wrapping the battered body in his arms, Vin rubbed the quivering back. “Take it easy pard,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”

Buck stood back, watching to make certain that his old friend was all right. When he was satisfied that they wouldn’t need to call for a nurse, he slipped out into the hall to allow the men some privacy.

Finally Larabee quieted, and Tanner lowered him to the mattress. Gently wiping at the tears that fell down the waxen features, Vin said softly, “I’m sorry Chris, sorry that any of this happened... that I caused you to worry. For whatever it’s worth, I never meant for any of it to happen.”

“Wh-where’ve you been?” Larabee asked when he could speak again.

“Lost,” Vin admitted. Slowly he told his partner the story.

When Tanner had finished, his head hanging, Chris reached out. Pulling the other man’s chin up, he looked directly into the blue eyes. In a passionately quiet voice, he said, “I will be so damn glad when you get it into that thick head of yours that I’m in this for the long haul. Whether you want to believe it or not, Vin, I love you... and I’m pretty damn sure that you love me, too.”

Frowning, the young man said, “Of course I do.”

“Then what in the hell is the problem?”

Dropping his gaze once more, Vin said, “I just...I just want you to be happy, Chris.”

“And you figure you know better than me as to what that is?”

The shaggy head snapped up, “No, of course not!”

“All right then, Pard, understand this. What I want... what will make me happy... is spending the rest of my life with you. What will make me happy is having you curled up against me at night. What I want is to see those blue eyes staring at me with the same love I feel for their owner. What I need is you... in my life... now and forever.” He stroked his hand down the flushed cheek. “If I spend time with Mary and Billy, it is only as a friend. I enjoy spending time with them simply because we are friends. I’m sorry that it seemed to be more to you. If I had known, I would have explained it a long time ago.”

Shaking his head, Vin said, “I never thought it bothered me so much til you took off. When you didn’t call –“

“I meant to, but I got so involved in trying to find Billy that I didn’t think about it until after we found him. Then I called and didn’t get an answer.”

“I’d already left,” Vin admitted. “Ah hell, Chris. I’m a damn idiot.”

Chuckling, the blond said, “I’m not going to argue with you there, Pard. Now, give me my clothes and let’s get the hell out of here. I wanna go home, so you can take care of me for the next few days.”

Laughing, a sound born of relief, Tanner helped Larabee into the jeans and tee-shirt. Once he was ready, the blond took the required wheelchair ride downstairs, where Buck met them at the door. Putting Larabee in the back seat, Vin slipped in beside him, settling Chris’ head on his shoulder. Before they had driven a mile, the blond was sleeping, nestled against his lover.

~o~

They pulled in at the ranch house, Tanner waking the older man as they did. He helped the groggy Larabee from the car. “C’mon old man, let’s get you to bed.

Shuffling along between his friend and his lover, Chris made his way into the house and then into the bedroom. There, Buck left him in Vin’s hands while he headed in to the office. He had left word with the other members of the team that Tanner was back and Larabee was home. Now they could concentrate on finding the men who had tried to kill their boss and friend.

Helping his partner out of his clothes, Vin put him to bed. Sitting down on the edge of the mattress, he stroked back the thick blond hair and kissed Chris on the forehead. “You hungry?”

“A little,” Larabee admitted.

Running his hand gently down the battered but still handsome face, Vin said, “All righty then, you rest, and I’ll go whip you up some lunch.”

Squinting one eye open, the blond said, “Not any of those nasty pepper-filled concoctions of yours.”

Huffing a sigh, the long haired man said, “Y’all just don’t know what your missin’. Fine, I’ll make you somethin’ ‘safe’.”

Grinning, Chris said, “I thank you, and my stomach thanks you.”

“Ha... ha... ha,” Tanner grumbled. Squeezing the broad shoulder, he said, “be back in a few minutes.”

Taking hold of the other man’s hand, Chris said, “promise?”

Squeezing the hand entwined with his, Vin said, “promise.”

~o~

Larabee dozed, his mind filled with images of his young lover, waking only when Vin returned with a tray. He gingerly pushed himself up on the bed, helping to settle the tray across his lap. Vin climbed into bed beside him, lifting the big cloth off the food. Taking one of the plates, the younger man made certain his partner was handling his own food before he began devouring his own salsa covered pepper and onion omelet with zeal.

Shaking his head, Chris looked down with relief to his own sausage and mushroom omelet. They ate in silence, simply enjoying one another’s company. Finishing his coffee, Larabee settled back on the pillows contentedly.

“You get your fill, or you want some more?”

Smiling, Larabee said, “I couldn’t eat another bite.”

Taking the tray, Vin smiled and handed him a slip of paper, “Then here’s your bill.” He was out of the room before Chris could ask him anything.

Frowning in puzzlement, the blond unfolded the neat square of light blue paper. He recognized the meticulous hand as Vin’s immediately...

TWO SOULS - V. Tanner

Two souls, tattered and torn, Walked through time alone, ‘Til Fate took a hand. She consumed them, Wrapping them in her cloak, Biding them to become one. Two souls, tattered and town, Touched, caressed, embraced. They watched amazed; Where holes were worn in one They were healed by the other Tears mended by the others hand And as they drew closer together The two tattered souls joined Together, becoming one.

As he finished the poem, his heart pounding and tears blurring his vision, he looked up to find the poet standing in the doorway. With a smile, Chris held out his hand.

Vin padded across the room, climbing into bed next to the blond. Taking the other man’s hand, he placed it against his heart. “It came from here, but I can’t ever seem to be able to say it the way I want to.”

“It’s beautiful,” Larabee managed to say past the lump in his throat. He pulled the other man to him, kissing him passionately. When the embrace finally ended, he said, “So, are we all right?”

Curling up on the bed next to the blond, Tanner said, “Reckon we are.” Gently he traced the bruises on his partner’s chest. Sighing, he said, “Damn. They gotta hurt.”

Slipping down in the bed and settling his head against the lean, muscular chest, Chris said, “Not as much as thinking I’d lost you.”

Nestling the blond head closer, running a hand along the broad jaw line, Vin said, “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Y’ gonna do it again?” Chris drawled, imitating his lover.

Sighing, Vin said, “hurt you? Probably. Hate to tell you this, Cowboy, but sometimes I ain’t the sharpest pencil in the box. I can promise to try and do better next time, though.”

Growing serious now, Larabee said, “Can you promise me that next time you’ll talk to me?”

Tilting the handsome face up, Vin whispered, “I promise.”

Looking deeply into the pale blue eyes, he ran his thumb along the brooding lips. “Promise you won’t just disappear out of my life?”

Kissing the thumb, Vin replied, “I promise.” Tracing the contours of the blond’s face, down the long neck to the bruised chest, Tanner said softly, “promise to love me as long as you can?”

“No.”

The younger man’s heart skipped a beat, wide eyes searching the other man’s face. “What?”

“No. I don’t promise to love you for as long as I can Vin. But I can promise to love you for the rest of my life.” He leaned up, kissing the younger man deeply. Pulling back, he ran his hand along the square jaw, a thumb wiping away a single tear. “And I do promise, Vin. I will love you for the rest of my life.”

THE END

Feedback to: lara_mee@yahoo.com
April 2002