Warning: C/V pairing, sexual situations, some language, hopefully humor...

Notes: One of my early slashfics. Chris helps Vin deal with a tragic mistake. The story contains frequent profanity and consensual m/m sex. The jelly doughnuts are for the Muse!

Webmaster Note This story was previously hosted at another website and was moved to blackraptor in July 2012.

“Tanner! Open the goddamned door!” Chris Larabee had been standing outside the door to his partner’s seldom used apartment for ten impatient minutes. Vin had moved into his secluded ranch some time ago, after they had reconciled to the fact that what they felt for one another went deeper than co-workers and friends. But three days ago all of that had changed.

“Tanner! If you don’t open this fucking door, I’m going to kick it the fuck in!” He waited another minute, but there was no response. Lifting one booted foot, he pounded the door with enough force to slam the door open. The ATF leader stalked into the living room, stopping when he came face to face with a pistol.

“Get the hell outta here Chris.” Tanner stared blearily at him from the beat-up couch in one corner. He held his sidearm out, aiming it directly between his lover’s eyes. “Ain’t in the mood for none of your shit.”

“Not offering you any of my shit,” Larabee responded through clenched teeth. He had lost his patience in the dingy hallway of the low-rent apartment building that the younger man still felt ties to. “I came to make certain your sorry ass was all right, although at the moment I’m not sure why.”

“I ain’t either,” Vin said in a whisper. Slowly he lowered the pistol and dropped it to the coffee table.

Sitting down next to the younger man on the couch, Chris said, “bullshit. Stop feeling sorry for yourself for Christ’s sake!”

“Feelin’ sorry for myself! Fuck you Larabee!” Tanner yelled. “I ain’t feelin’ sorry for myself. What I’m feelin’ sorry for is gettin’ involved with the goddamn team. I should’a stayed where I was an’ maybe none a this would’a happened.”

“Yeah?” The blond said softly, his tone even now. “You know that for a fact do you?”

“Yeah, I do,” he wasn’t ready to give in yet. “I wouldn’t have been on that operation and I wouldn’t have been on that roof. If I hadn’t been on that roof, I wouldn’t have shot that kid.”

“That kid was carrying more firepower than Rambo. You did your job.”

“That kid was fifteen years old.”

“So, you’re so fucking good you can tell a person’s age from the roof of a three story building, through a gun sight. Well, hell Tanner, I didn’t know you were so goddamn perfect.”

“Fuck you Larabee,” Vin growled. He pushed himself from the couch and padded barefoot into the kitchen. The younger man came back a few seconds later with two bottles of beer. Handing one to the other man, he sat back down, pulling his feet up onto the couch cushion. The bottle soon joined the rest of the empties on the floor. Neither man spoke for some time.

Finally breaking the silence, Larabee said, “look I know you’re in pain Vin, but it was a righteous shoot. He’s still alive – “

“Yeah, lucky kid. He’s hooked up like the fuckin’ Six Million Dollar Man. Maybe he’ll live through the night, maybe not. Maybe he’ll recover, maybe not. Maybe he’ll walk, maybe not. Maybe – “

“Maybe you need to shut up for a minute. Look, all I’m saying is that you shouldn’t hide out like this. I’m here for you pard.” He moved closer to the other man, one hand gently stroking along Tanner’s tightly muscled arm. “Don’t turn me away Vin, please. Don’t shut me out.”

“Chris, I...” he stopped, his voice trembling. “I’m sorry Cowboy. I know that what you’re sayin’ is true. But, damn it, I cannot stop thinkin’ about the fact that it was a boy that I shot... put in the hospital... maybe killed. I feel dirty, cowboy, like no one should ever touch me.”

“Oh for God’s sake,” the blond reached over and pulled the younger man toward him. “There’s nothing about you that’s so bad that I’m going to stop touching you.”

At first the young man resisted, but finally he curled into his lover’s arms. He was beyond tears, but shivered harshly as Larabee pulled him close and held him. Rocking slightly, he did his best to comfort the tortured man.

The job had been going well. They were in the midst of a sting operation, Ezra having infiltrated the gang of gunrunners. Coming in as Ezra’s connection, Cal Laurence, Chris, with Buck acting as his body guard and JD as his driver, met with the men. But then everything had gone to hell, one of the men recognizing Buck, and bullets started flying. Above them, Vin began taking out the bad guys, his unerring aim picking off one after another. But no one could foresee the fact that the son of one of the men had begged to follow in dad’s footsteps and had accompanied them to the meet. Seeing dear old dad go down, he came out of hiding with guns blazing. Above the action, Vin saw only another figure coming into view, watched him take aim at Ezra, and pulled the trigger.

It wasn’t until they were sorting out the dead and dying, sending them to the hospital or the morgue, that they realized that one of those heading for the former was little more than a child. Before he thought, JD stated what the rest were only thinking. “Damn, he’s even too young to drive!” and Vin had nearly lost it right then and there. Only Josiah’s soothing words and Chris’ strong arms had kept the devastated young man from collapsing in the street.

By the time they had made their report and gotten to the hospital, Elias Martin, age fifteen years and three months, was out of surgery and in ICU. Checking in on his condition, they were accosted by his mother and three other relatives. They had no association with what had happened, but became just as dangerous. Juanita Costas, a very distraught mother, physically attacked Vin, screaming obscenities at him as she pounded on him with her fists. The young sharpshooter did nothing to defend himself, passively allowing her attack. Chris and the others had finally gotten the family under control, turning to find Tanner gone.

They found him at his apartment, identifying his beat up jeep outside the old building. Larabee had spoken to him for a few minutes from outside the door, but it became evident that the Texan had no interest in conversation. Finally they decided to give him some space. But the time had come and gone for his self-imposed isolation to end as far as the blond was concerned. He was afraid for the younger man’s sanity as well as his life. That decision had led him to break down Vin’s front door.

“I want you to get out of here for a while,” Chris said softly. “You’ve been hidden away from everyone long enough. It ain’t healthy.”

“I ain’t in the mood t’ go no place,” Tanner answered. “Besides, y’ busted in my door, ol’ man. I ain’t got much, but it’s mine. I don’t wanna lose it.”

With a chuckle, Chris released his lover and pulled out his cell phone. “I’ll see if Josiah can come fix it.” A few minutes later he had the older agent agreeing to come repair the damage. “It’s as good as done. He’ll be over in twenty minutes. That’s enough time for you to go take a shower and change clothes.”

“That a comment on m’ hygiene?”

Hazel green eyes glittering, Larabee said evenly, “Yes.”

~o~

　

Half an hour later, the two men were on the road, having left Josiah Sanchez in charge of repairing the damage to the apartment door. Vin didn’t ask where they were going, he simply sat slumped in the seat, face turned toward the window. The only movement he made was to swallow more of the beer he had brought with him. When that was gone, Chris pulled into a liquor store and returned with more. By the time they arrived at their destination, Vin was passed out in the seat.

Pulling up to the front of the cabin, Chris turned off the engine and stared over at the other man. With a sigh and a shake of his head, he went to open the cabin door, then returned to the Explorer. Easing the passenger door open so the unconscious sharpshooter didn’t fall out, Larabee pulled the lean body into his arms. Tanner didn’t even open his eyes as the older man carried him into the cabin and deposited him in bed. Tugging off the younger man’s worn boots and socks, he covered him over with a blanket and left the room.

Chris had called in a favor from one of the other team leaders and got the cabin for the weekend. It was even more secluded than the ranch house; surrounded by trees and mountains, they wouldn’t be disturbed by anyone. He hoped that he could help the distraught younger man to sort through his feelings and come to terms with what had happened.

~o~

Chris sat in the oversized chair, drinking a cup of hot coffee and watching the sunlit snow fall outside the glass double doors. A quiet sound caught his attention and he turned to find Vin Tanner scuffing across the room, wrapped in a big quilt. His hair was tousled, the curls falling in wild array around his handsome face. His blue eyes were only half-opened, and bare feet peeked out from beneath the quilt.

“Morning,” Larabee said with a faint smile. He wouldn’t add the ‘good’ to the greeting. There was very little to consider good about things right now.

“Mornin’,” the younger man said in a gravely voice. He walked past the chair and stood by the door. “This is Jerry Martin’s place, ain’t it?” He waited until he got an acknowledging nod from the other man, then added, “looks like we got a good snowstorm last night.”

“Yep, reckon it’s a good day to stay curled up inside by the fire.” The blond reached out and tugged at the quilt. “C’mere.”

“What?” Vin said softly.

“Come here,” Larabee repeated, tugging once more at the quilt. He smiled when the other man came and stood before him. “No, come here.” Chris patted the chair next to him.

Looking at him with confusion and even some shock, he didn’t move. The older man tugged at him more insistently. “I'm not hitting on you... well not at the moment. I just thought maybe you could use a little comforting.”

Tanner shook his head. “Appreciate the offer cowboy, but –“ he broke off, shaking his head, unable to find the words he needed.

They had never needed them. “It’s going to be okay Vin,” Larabee said softly.

Still uncomfortable, the younger man couldn’t argue with him. He was terrified that they would get bad news from the hospital…that he had maimed or murdered a child. Hesitantly, he moved closer and allowed Chris to pull him down beside him on the big seat. Both men fit snugly between the overstuffed arms. Vin couldn’t help but sigh to feel the close presence of his best friend, the man who had become his lover with an ease that he could never have foreseen.

With a soft chuckle, the blond wrapped an arm around the smaller man. He felt Vin tense and then relax into the loose embrace. He eased around, wrapping his other arm around the lithe frame. He pulled Vin closer, wrapping his arms around the trembling form. “You’re shaking.”

“It’s cold,” the other man said quickly. Then embarrassed he said, “No, that ain’t right. Least I can do is be honest with y’. I ain’t never been this scared in m’ life. What am I gonna do Chris?” His voice broke and tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

“Well, we ain’t gonna give up. No matter what, we’re gonna face this thing together. You just realize that you don’t have to face any of this alone. You’ll never be alone as long as I draw a breath Vin. I promise you that.”

“Thanks, pard,” Vin choked out. The tears came now, streaming down the finely chiseled face. Tanner drew his knees up, curling up and leaning into his partner’s embrace. He sought the feel of Larabee’s touch hungrily, his tears dissolving the barriers he had carefully erected over the years.

Chris tightened his hold, one long-fingered hand twining itself in the brown curls. Leaning one check against the top of the other man’s head, he whispered soft words of reassurance. They sat like that for some time, wrapped around one another. Vin’s hand sought the soft black fabric of his shirt holding tightly as if his life depended upon it. And in a way it did.

Outside, the snow continued to fall, the wind blowing the flakes into the window. There they clung to the glass, mute witnesses to the drama unfolding inside the cabin. Chris watched the storm over the other man’s head, thinking of how pure and wonderful the white-covered landscaped looked, and how much it reminded him of his friend’s soul. Not the cold, Vin couldn’t be cold if he tried, but pure and wonderful. The very thing that had allowed him to become part of the world once again after Sarah and Adam’s deaths.

A sigh broke through the blond’s reverie. Nudging Tanner’s shoulder lightly, he realized that the younger man had fallen asleep. Smiling, he settled him more comfortably in the chair, wrapping the quilt tighter around the lithe frame. Then he sat quietly once more, watching the snow fall. He sat unmoving for quite some time, not caring that his arm ached than grew numb from holding the sleeping man, or that his back and shoulders complained at sitting so still for so long. He knew Tanner well enough to know that Vin hadn’t slept since the accident.

“Chris?” The raspy voice came to him sometime later, muffled by the quilt and sleep.

“Hey pard, sleep well?”

“Yeah,” his voice held a note of embarrassment. “Sorry. Why didn’t y’ wake me up?”

“Couldn’t, you just look too damn cute when you’re asleep,” Chris said to lighten the mood.

A snort was the answer. “Yeah, but an old fella like you, probably be stiff for awhile sittin’ still like that.”

“I’ll ‘old fella’ you…boy,” Chris teased. He moved, stopping abruptly when Vin’s hand tightened around the handful of shirt he had never released. “I ain’t going anywhere, pard,” he said softly.

Vin didn’t say anything, but his grip loosened. He eased himself away from the other man slightly, never losing contact with him however. The young man felt foolish, he was far too old to be needing held. At the same time he couldn’t bring himself to move more than a few inches.

Sensing the younger man’s conflicted emotions, Larabee kept his arm around him loosely, offering support while not intruding on the last reserves of his independence. They sat, not speaking, for a while longer. The sun had angled directly over the cabin when the blond said “You hungry?”

“Yeah, I reckon,” Tanner admitted with a sigh.

“You act like it’s a bad thing,” Chris said with a gentle tug at the long brown hair.

“Just feelin’ like a damned burden, Chris, and I don’t wanna be one…to you especially.”

“The only way you’re a burden is that I’ve all got to spend so much time telling you that you aren’t a burden.”

“Sorry, I –“

Clamping a hand over the other man’s mouth Larabee said, “just stop now, okay? Otherwise I’m going to have to belt you one, and I’m really not in the mood to do that.” With that he carefully extracted himself from the chair and his friend, heading for the little kitchen. He wasn’t surprised to hear Vin padding along behind him. He pulled things from the refrigerator and cupboards, putting together a meal of comfort food. As soon as he had made his decision and secured the cabin, he had called the local caretaker and had him stock the place with everything he knew his young lover liked. Most of it was fattening and high in sugar. Chris couldn’t understand how Vin could live on this stuff and still be as thin as a reed. The object of his thoughts interrupted him with a long, loud yawn. “Sounds like you’re still tired. This the first time you’ve been asleep since the bust?”

“Yeah,” Tanner replied softly. ‘Didn’t wanna sleep...afraid I’d dream...”

Coming to stand before the younger man, Larabee said, “why don’t you go back to bed then, and I’ll bring in a tray.”

“Don’t want y' servin’ me,” he began, his tone becoming surly.

“Not serving you,” Chris said, a sly smile lighting his face. “But I’ll join you. We’ll both have breakfast in bed.”

Looking into the caarinf eyes, Vin couldn’t help but chuckle. “Okay, that I can handle.” Kissing the other man on the cheek, he said, “I’ll be waitin’.”

~o~

Tanner had almost gone back to sleep when he heard someone entering the room. Opening one eye, he saw Chris coming in, a heavily laden tray in his arms. The young man untangled himself from the quilt and eased himself up against the headboard. “Damn Larabee, you bring in the whole kitchen?”

“Think so,” Chris agreed. “Wasn’t certain what you’d be hungry for, so I just brought a little of everything.” He grinned slightly at the sight of his young lover’s bare chest as he climbed into the bed next to the other man, balancing the tray easily. After he had settled in, he took the cloth off the tray with a flourish, watching Tanner’s expression as he took in the smorgasbord Chris had prepared. “Damn pard, there’s enough there t’ feed a small country!”

Laughing, Larabee said, “or JD.”

Chuckling as well, Vin began to pick through the food. Shoving an entire strawberry in his mouth, he munched on it while he spread raspberry jam on a slice of buttered toast. Starting on the toast, he retrieved a cup of coffee, dumping sugar into the mug before he drank.

“Good lord, I don’t know how you get away with all that sugar and stay as skinny as a rail,” Chris said with a shake of his head.

“Good genes,” Vin smiled around a mouth full of food. Then waggling his eyebrows mischievously he added, “and an ol’ man that keeps me active.”

“Yeah? So I reckon this ‘old man’ must be younger than you like to pretend.”

“Nah, he’s gettin’ older by th’ minute...gonna be gray-haired one a these days soon.”

Cuffing the other man across the back of the head, the blond said, “damn upstart.

Leaning against his lover, Vin sighed. “I’m sorry Chris.”

“You’ve said worse to me,” Larabee replied.

“No, I don’t mean about this...now. I mean about all the other...” he trailed off, taking a hitching breath.

“Vin,” Chris said softly, “you don’t need to apologize. I can understand what’s going on, okay? But I just want you to realize that you didn’t have a choice. If you hadn’t taken the shot, Ezra could have taken a bullet...maybe died. You didn’t force Elias to come out of the shadows fully armed and shooting. He offered you no choice.”

Another deep breath, and Tanner nodded. “I know. It’s just...I feel...”

“You feel responsible, because that’s the kind of man you are. You’ve got a heart bigger than all outdoors, as Josiah would say. And a sense of responsibility that scares me sometimes. There’s no one more loyal –“

Laughing, the other man said, “hell, y’ make me sound like a combination boy scout and golden retriever!”

“Well, I do like it when you lick my face,” the team leader said huskily as he nipped Tanner’s ear.

Vin’s reaction to his lover’s action and change of tone caused him to squeeze the jelly fat doughnut he was eating, the contents squirting out on his chest. “Ah hell,” he grumbled, reaching for a napkin to clean up the mess.

“Huh-uh,” Chris responded, hazel eyes glittering, “let me.” Carefully removing the tray, he moved it off the bed, then raised to his knees next to Tanner. With a wicked grin, he leaned down and began licking the fructose-covered flesh of his lover.

“Ohhhhh...damn,” Tanner sighed, feeling the muscles of his belly tighten in anticipation. He groaned as other muscles began to tighten and swell as well. “Chrriiiiiiiiisssssssss,” he hissed the name, ending in a moan.

Sliding his hand down beneath the quilt, the blond discovered that Vin had removed more than his shirt. He was completely nude beneath the covering. His hand caressed the hardening shaft, feeling his own cock throbbing in response. He sat back, reaching to the tray nearby. Returning with a jar of jam and a bottle of honey, he gave Tanner a leer that any B-movie bad guy would envy.

Vin smiled lazily, stretching out on the bed. He banished all thought from his mind, allowing the purely physical act of sex take him away for the time being. The feel of the honey being dribbled along his chest became his focus. He watched each golden drop fall, watched the older man’s expression change to one of lust. Reaching down, he began to unfasten the man’s black jeans. Chris helped and was soon nude as well. As Larabee started licking the honey from his body, he began stroking the blond’s cock. Chris groaned, his mouth against Vin’s chest. Tanner twined his fingers through the long hair, enjoying the sensation of the man’s lips vibrating against him. Finishing with the honey, the blond rubbed jam along the shaft of Vin’s dick, then set to work at removing it.

“Shit... oh... oh shit...” the younger man moaned as his lover took the whole of his organ in his mouth. “FUCK! Ah...ah...oh...shit!”

His mouth busy with the heavy cock, Chris began fondling the man’s balls with one hand, while the other worked its way beneath Tanner. Finding the puckered opening of his anus, he began teasing it, the tip of one finger pressing inside. He heard the sharp intake of breath as the multiple sensations had their collective effect on the man. The hand around his own dick tightened, bringing him almost painfully erect. Vin’s own excitement was causing him to stroke faster and faster. Pulling his hand away from the tightly puckered ass, he took hold of the quickly moving hand. Slowing the movements, he coaxed Tanner to a more leisurely pace, matching his own movements around the man’s cock.

“Oh god...oh god...oh god...omigodchris...oh god...oh...” Vin’s litany continued, almost a chant. His hips began to thrust upward, meeting the hot lips that surrounded his throbbing shaft. The hand around the other man’s dick began to move faster once again, but this time Larabee didn’t slow him. Instead, he felt the older man’s own movements quicken to match his. Soon neither man could form coherent words, the room filling with the heady sounds of their love-making. Then, in one mind-shattering moment they both climaxed. Vin felt Chris’ hot cum released against his hand, arm and side just as he felt his own shoot into his lover’s mouth.

Sitting back, Chris wiped his mouth, then smiled closed mouth down at his lover. He disappeared into the bathroom, reappearing a few minutes later with a warm rag. Larabee returned to his place on the bed, washing his issue from the younger man’s body. Finishing, he said softly, “You need a shower.”

“Damn, what is it with you an’ shovin’ me into the shower?” Vin pretended anger. “Man’s bones ‘ll rust at this rate.”

“Come on, I need one too,” Chris leered down at him, then took his hands and pulled him up. “I’ll scrub your back if you scrub mine.”

His face lighting up with a smile, Vin said, “How can I resist an offer like that, ol’ man?”

~o~

Chris woke up to an empty bed. Shifting his gaze around the room, he realized that Vin was no where to be found. Stretching slowly, enjoying the feel of muscles still aching pleasurably from the love-making that had continued through and long after their shower, he rose and padded naked through the cabin. He found the younger man curled up in the big chair, staring out at the snow-brightened landscape. “Morning.”

Slanting a look toward his lover, Tanner said, “Mornin’. Made some coffee if you’re interested.”

“Don’t know that I’m that desperate. Last time I drank your coffee my teeth hurt for a good twelve hours.”

“Fuck you, Larabee,” Vin said good naturedly over the rim of his cup. His gaze returned to the sliding glass doors. “Sure is a beautiful sight, ain’t it?”

“Mm-hm,” Chris replied, perching on the chair arm. Running one hand through the other man’s tousled curls, he continued, “Damn near as beautiful as what I’m looking at now.”

“Ah, hell,” Tanner said, coloring with embarrassment. “You’re full a shit ol’ man.”

Tugging at a wavy lock, Larabee said, “Maybe so, but I know what I like looking at... and what I like looking at is you.”

“Not enough y’ curl my toes... now y’ gotta start turnin’ my head.”

“Reckon so,” Larabee said. He tilted the finely chiseled face back, kissing the other man passionately. “Reckon I’ll learn to live with it if I do.”

Pushing the older man away gently, Tanner said, “Reckon you’ll have me all honeyed up again at this rate, huh?”

“I might. Might use whipped cream this time. Maybe even – “

“Cool off ol’ man. Least let’s eat first this time. I’m starvin’.”

“Cool off huh?” Larabee grinned. “Maybe we should both cool off.”

Looking at him quizzically, Vin said, “What’s spinnin’ around in that head a yours Larabee?”

Laughing, the blond said, “You ever make snow angels Vin?”

“Reckon a time or two when I was a kid. Why?”

“Come on, let’s make some now.” He held a hand out to the other man.

“You’re sure as hell one crazy bastard.” Tanner started back toward the bedroom to retrieve his clothing. A tug on his arm stopped him. He turned to find Chris doing a fair imitation of the Cheshire Cat. “What?”

“This way,” Larabee began pulling the younger man toward the door.

“What th’ hell! Chris, we’re both buck naked!”

“Yep.”

“It’s colder’n a witch’s heart out there.”

“Yep.” They had reached the glass door. Chris slid the door open, both men gasping at the cold blast of air that entered.

Tanner tugged backward. “Ain’t no way, Chris! It’s too damn cold out there!”

“Nonsense! It’s a perfect day. Play your cards right and maybe we’ll write our names in the snow while we’re out there.”

“That ain’t likely to happen, Larabee. I don’t fancy pissin’ ice cubes, an’ that’s exactly what I’m gonna be pissin’ out here.”

“Ah hell, you’re young, you’ll acclimate. Just follow me, kid.” Chris gave a final jerk, and pulled the protesting man after him. Outside, they faced the virginal snow. Stepping far enough from the house, they both dropped backwards to the snow-covered ground. As one, they began moving their arms and legs, soon bringing to life near-twin outlines of snow angels. Quickly unable to stand it anymore, they stood, moving so as not to disturb their creations.

Looking down, as he bounced from one foot to the other, Vin said through chattering teeth, “hell, we could’a done this with our clothes on. Can’t tell we were naked.”

His words forced through chattering teeth as well, Chris said, “Reckon I know how we could change that. I just gotta get you excited…shove you in the snow sideways.” He leered comically, making a lunge for his lover.

“Get away! You’ll break it off!” Vin yelped, dashing back inside through the open door. Chris followed him, both men slipping and sliding as they hit the wooden floor inside. The younger man cursed as he fell forward, Larabee tackling him from behind. The landed on the floor, rolling as each fought to gain the upper hand. Just as the blond straddled his narrow waist, pinning the sharpshooter’s arms to his sides, the phone rang.

The men froze. There would only be one reason for anyone to be calling them now. His eyes filled with compassion, Larabee said, “I’ll get it.”

“Chris….” Vin’s eyes begged him not to answer the ring. Larabee leaned down and kissed him gently. The younger man watched as, still dripping melting snow, the team leader retrieved the phone.

“Larabee.” He listened to the person on the other end, his eyes drifting back to the lithe young man watching him from the floor. He sighed out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding and said softly, “Thanks Buck. I’ll tell him.”

“Chris?”

The older man came back to where Vin had remained, still as a statue. Stretching out next to him, he took the man’s face in his hand and looked deeply into his crystal blue eyes. “That was Buck. The kid’s out of the woods, and the doctor looks for him to make a complete recovery.”

Vin’s body went limp, a sigh that was nearly a cry escaping him. He felt Chris pick him up, drawing him into his arms. He melted into the embrace, reaching hungrily for the warmth the other man offered. A million questions flew through his mind in rapid succession, but he set them aside. Time enough for them later. At the moment he wanted nothing than what he had.

The End