Lost Loves of the Heart

Josiah stormed out of the saloon, he thought for a split second about going back when he heard Buck and JD’s laughter ring out carrying on the air, but thought better of it and headed on down the boardwalk. Stepping off the end and into the street as he got closer to his sanctuary the church, Josiah saw Vin sitting on the steps. Hesitating he shook his head and kept going knowing fully that Vin would never tease him like the others, not about something like this involving the heart.

Deciding to take a seat on the steps as well instead of heading on in to bed, Josiah settled himself then acknowledged his friend, "Evening, Vin"

Vin never lifted his head from how it tilted down softly replied, "Josiah, you alright, you seem a bit tense?"

“Yeah, I’m fine I guess, just Buck and JD getting under my skin a little," Josiah admitted.

He nodded his head in understanding, Good men, but sometimes they don’t see the harm.

The two men falling quiet as they became consumed in their own thoughts, it wasn’t until much later that Josiah moved his eyes from the stars he had been staring at while lost in his memories of long ago and to his friend who sat to still beside him. Looking closer, Josiah began to wonder why Vin had been sitting there to begin with. "Vin, was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

Raising his head for the first time, he met Josiah questioning look, "Kind of, but ya seem to have the same heavy thinking on your on shoulders.”

“True, I do have a lot on my mind, but you know they say sharing lightens the burden."

“Ain’t a burden. Just dreams that don’t make sense. They start out seeing one person but they turn into someone who’s been gone a long time".

Josiah quietly waited to see if Vin would say more, he couldn’t help wondering what ghost had come back to haunt Vin. Figuring he wasn’t going to say more, Josiah asked a question to maybe help Vin open up some more. "The person they turn to that’s been gone, is it someone you tried to forget?"

Vin looked down for a moment then up toward the stars, everything he was feeling, everything that he felt showed in his emotional eyes as he whispered with a voice that broke with his heart felt words, "No, it’s what I’ve always tried to hold on to. But time was stealing her, it was getting harder to picture her in my head. The only thing I had was the last words she said to me and I’ve kept them tight in my heart."

Josiah felt his heart squeeze tight at the fresh hurt that rang out from his friend’s voice. Thinking to himself, though he didn’t know who the ‘she’ was, Vin loved her as deeply as he had loved Emma when they first met and had felt for her all the years since. At least he had a picture he had been able to pull out at times over the years.

“I’m sorry, Vin," Josiah said sitting up and bracing his arms on his knees. Taking a moment he went on explaining to Vin, or maybe it weas for both of them, "I’m sorry time has stolen what truly meant a lot to your heart. Maybe this is her way of helping you to remember what was once, her face, her laugh, her words. I understand how something can be held so dear in a heart and as time slips by, the memories can become faded, even the sound of their voice though at one time we knew in a crowd. Now so distant in our mind, even when we try with everything in us to remember, we just can’t. And that hurts more than anything, knowing the one you love you’re dishonoring because you can’t recall the image or voice. But fate is a fickle beas,t Vin, and there’s a chance you can find and see them again. And when you do, you have to grab hold with both hands no matter what others my say or do. The teasing the joking made because of the way you’re acting, it makes you mad because of it. But you know if given the choices of teasing or not seeing the love again. I’ll take the teasing, for love is worth it."

Vin looking over at Josiah with a sad smile on his face, "I’m glad for you, Josiah, if this Emma lady is your lost one. Glad ya have a chance to meet again."

“It could happen for you to, Vin, you never know." Josiah frowned seeing the sadness on his friend’s face, a sadness that was deep to his soul.

“Wish I could, But she’s gone where there ain’t no comin’ back from."

“Ah, Vin. I’m so sorry."

“Don’t be. Talking to ya made me see, the sense of the dream don’t matter. All matters is I can see her again, I have her face in my memories again. That’s worth more to me than anything."

“I’m glad ,Vin, I’m real glad you have it again, too."

“Josiah, you know you were right about the choice of teasing and not finding her again. Teasing will pass, what you heart feels for someone won’,." Vin said as he stood up. Nodding his head to his friend he started to walk away, stopping and turning he said, "Thanks, Josiah, you were right sharing does ease the burden." With that Vin headed on down the street toward his wagon.

Josiah watched his friend disappear down the street, looked up addressing both that he felt had been looking down watching them. "Father, thank you for giving me Vin Tanner as a friend. And, ma’am, I’m glad you found away to help your boy and don’t you worry I’ll help watch out for him." Josiah having figured out who the woman was Vin had been upset about losing, addressed. Standing up and heading on into the church to go to bed, he realized that Buck and JD’s teasing didn’t bother him anymore. The only thing he was feeling was anticipation for the show the next day so he could see Emma perform again.

 

The End