Lost in the Shadows

by Kaed


I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all that I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
Evanescence, Away From Me

Chris Larabee smiled as he watched the man across the barn. Vin Tanner was busy with his often cantankerous horse, doing his best to curry the big black. Peso, on the other hand, was doing his best to sink his teeth into anything he could get hold of; be it brush or flesh. “Need some help there, Pard?”

“Son of a BITCH!” Vin yelped as large teeth tried to slice into his exposed forearm. Then, sparing a look at the other man, he said, “What? Nah, we’re fine.”

“Yeah, thought it looked like you had everything under control. Well, hurry up, Josiah’s on his way over, and I want to get a shower before he gets here.”

“SHIT! Well, go ahead on and take one. I’ll be in there directly.”

“Well… I sort of wanted to… save on water, shall we say?”

Vin couldn’t help but chuckle at Chris’ attempt at discretion. “You know if we get in there together, it’ll take us three times as long to get out. Go on, I’ll be in there soon.”

“You’d better be.” Larabee frowned, then turned and began walking toward the house, knowing full well that Vin was watching his exit. His frown turned into a grin as he sprinted up the stairs, across the deck, and into the house via the sliding glass doors.

The cool air inside the house was a welcome change after working inside the hot barn all morning. He began pealing off his clothes, one piece at a time, dropping them as he went, leaving a “trail” for his life partner to “follow”. By the time he entered the master suite he was naked, his cock standing at attention that he hoped the other man would take care of soon.

Padding into the bathroom, he turned the shower on, making the water as hot as he could stand. Slipping into the broad, steamy cubicle, he hesitated, still hoping to be joined in the shower. When that didn’t seem to be in the cards, he grabbed a loofa and soaped it up, sighing in disappointment.

~

Outside, Vin had just finished putting away the rest of his equipment when he heard the sound of an engine outside. “Ah, hell,” he grumbled, deciding that Josiah must be early. No time for a shower, alone or with company. Managing to fix a smile on his face, he started out the barn door.

~

Having slid on a pair of soft, old, blue jeans that hung low on his narrow hips, Chris padded through the house, heading toward the deck. As he neared the door, he heard voices outside, and frowned; it sounded like Vin and Josiah were arguing over something. Trying to decipher what might have caused their disagreement, he stepped out onto the deck. “Hey, guys, what’s --”

Vin was standing just this side of the garage, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. About five yards away was an SUV that he didn’t recognize; three men standing outside it. As he spoke, Vin turned toward him.

“Chris, this is all on me, okay? Stay out of it.”

“You know that’s not gonna happen, Pard. Your problems are my problems.”

“Aw,” the tallest of the mystery trio interrupted in a deep, slightly gravely voice. “Ain’t that sweet, you got your own little playmate now, huh? Thought you were the love ‘em and leave ‘em type, Vinny.”

“My name isn’t Vinny, and you don’t know a damn thing about me, Yates.”

“Now, don’t be like that.”

“You three are on private property,” Chris broke in. He had no idea as to who the men were, but one thing was sure. Vin didn’t want them around, so they would be leaving. How they left would be decided in the next few seconds.

“So? What’re you gonna do about it, blondie? Don’t look like you’re packin’ anything to back you up.” The man Vin referred to as Yates was staring at him with obvious lust in mind. He even licked his lips, slowly.

“Maybe I don’t need anything.”

The man barked a brief laugh and then turned back to the other man. “Now, VIN, you make a decision? You gonna play nice and go with us, or do we do it the rough way?” As if to make his point, Yates cracked his knuckles loudly, a vicious grin on his face.

“You can go to hell, and so can Eli Joe,” Vin growled. “I don’t have a damn thing to say to that son of a bitch.”

“You think not, do you?” Yates grin didn’t change, but the look in his eyes did.

“No, I know it. That was a long time ago, Yates, it ain’t my life any more.”

“If Eli says it is, then it is.” Yates voice had a dark tone of warning in it. “And I reckon you decided it was gonna be the rough way.”

 

Chris was slowly moving along the deck, toward the steps, prepared to start swinging at his partner’s side. The look on his face was one of deadly calm; he had been assessing each of the men since he’d come out on the deck, and he recognized the threats. The man that stood nearest the driver’s side door looked as if he could be a threat. So did Yates. The third man, now pressed against the SUV, was obviously frightened, but that didn’t take him out of the game. Fear could send him running, or it could send him shooting.

“Eli ain’t got a hold on me now, Yates. I don’t answer to him any more.”

“You do ‘til he says you don’t. And if it all works out the way I hope it does, he’ll let me take care of you then.” As he spoke, the big man began to slowly walk toward him; the second man close behind him.

“Ain’t gonna happen, Yates. Now you and your flunkies need to git.”

“Oh, we’ll git, all right. But you’re going with us.”

“No.” With that, Vin turned his back and started toward Larabee, who now stood at the base of the stairs. Suddenly a shot rang out, causing him to flinch. Nothing hurt, however, so he decided it was nothing more than a bluff. Then, as he watched, Chris dropped to his knees. This time he screamed that single syllable, “NO!”

Larabee’s face drained of color, and he wore a puzzled expression. Blood was suddenly soaking his chest; the bullet hole allowing too much crimson to flow free. He stared up at his partner, trying to say something, but his mouth wouldn’t cooperate. Instead it opened and closed, absurdly giving him the appearance of the proverbial fish out of water.

“Chris!” All thought to his own safety disappeared, and Vin crossed the space between them in three quick strides. Before he could reach the other man, though, he found himself being restrained. “Let me go you sons ‘a bitches!”

“Not likely,” Yates cackled gleefully. “You’re gonna go see Eli, and you’re gonna go now.”

Vin tried to fight off his attackers, giving as good as he got, and more, as he sought to get away from the men; to get to Chris. It wasn’t enough, though, and he found himself overpowered. As he strained against their hold, he felt something pressed against his neck and a brief stab of pain. He found himself suddenly unable to resist the others, and stumbled along in their restraint. As they shoved him in the back of the SUV, he managed to turn toward his partner.

Chris, still on his knees, was staring back at him. There was no light in his eyes, and he seemed to have been bled white. Vin could do nothing but cry out, a guttural, inarticulate sound, as he watched Larabee reach out to him. With a whimper, he succumbed to whatever Yates had introduced into his system, darkness overwhelming him.

~

Unable to do anything but watch, Chris saw the doors slammed closed, hiding Vin from him completely now. With a roar, the big, black vehicle turned and headed off down the white rock road that would connect with the main road a quarter mile away. As the SUV disappeared from his graying vision, he moaned softly, then slumped forward, onto the ground.

~

The SUV careened down the lane, bouncing the occupants inside about; especially the unconscious one in the rear area. It had been fortified, making an effective cell for its single occupant. A heavy grating, like those used to keep large dogs contained, separated Tanner from Yates and his men.

As they neared the end of the lane, the driver quickly surveyed the main road before he turned left. Without concern for the sparse traffic, they continued their journey at top speed.

The men who had shot Chris and kidnapped Vin didn’t even notice the battered, aged, Suburban that was nearing the entrance to Larabee’s property. On his part, Josiah Sanchez did notice the large, dark vehicle that skidded out onto the main road. The team’s profiler frowned, wondering who it was that was leaving the Larabee… or actually, what they now referred to as the Larabee-Tanner ranch… in such a hurry. Concerned, he focused on the make and model, when he wasn’t able to catch the entire license plate. Turning into the lane that would take him to the ranch, he shoved the accelerator to the floor, not caring about how much the ancient vehicle protested the rough handling. He needed to make certain things were okay.

Before he reached the end of the drive, he knew there was something seriously wrong. A figure lay on the ground, trying valiantly to move, but having little luck. With an expletive that the others rarely heard from his mouth, Josiah braked nearby, shoved the Suburban into park and was out of the door in the same motion. Recognizing who it was, he cried out, “Chris!”

Larabee moaned softly, hearing someone calling his name. He struggled once again to get his arms under him; to push himself up. He couldn’t manage it, however; and began to slump back to the ground. To his surprise a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around him and lowered him gently to the grass. “V… Vin?”

“No, Boss, it’s me, Josiah. What happened?”

“Hurts…” was the only thing he could manage though, as unconsciousness called him.

“No, stay with me, Chris,” Sanchez begged. “Stay with me. What happened?”

“Ooooh… Vin… they took… they… get… ‘Siah, get ‘em. Vin…”

Deciphering the slurred words, the older man asked for clarification, “Someone took Vin?”

Nodding, the blond begged, “Get… ‘im back… please!” And then he fell silent as consciousness completely deserted him now.

Hurriedly Josiah ran to the house and returned in mere seconds, cloth in one hand, the house phone in the other, pressed tightly to his ear. “Yes, that’s right. I need an ambulance, he’s been shot, and he’s bleeding badly. Yes… yeah, I’m doing that now. I also need a sheriff out here, so we can start figuring out who did this.” As he spoke to the emergency dispatcher.

“Hold on, Boss,” he muttered as he pressed one of the cloths to the ugly, bleeding wound. “Hold on.”

“Viiiiiiiiin…” was the only response.

~o~

“Wakey wakey,”

Vin frowned, trying to identify the voice that was invading the darkness. Then he felt a sharp, stinging pain as someone or something hit him on the side of his face. He moaned, batting weakly at whatever it was that struck him a second time. “Stop.”

“Ah, that’s not what you used to say, pretty thing. You used to beg for more.”

“No… leave me… ‘lone.”

“Can’t do it. WAKE UP you dumb fuck!”

This time the pain exploded through his jaw with such force that his eyes popped open. He stared around him without moving his head, struggling to make sense of what was happening. “What?”

“Oh, sucre… you mean you don’t recognize my voice?”

With a frown, he tried to identify the speaker. Then he found himself flooded with images that shook him physically. “CHRIS!”

Another slap and the voice came again. “No, pretty boy… try again.”

“CHRIS!”

Again pain greeted him as he uttered that single syllable; that most precious name; once more. “CHRIS!” Over and over his cries brought more stinging slaps until, finally, he slumped, panting, against the surface he found himself on. However, while his body was motionless, his mind was far from it. “Chris is dead” became his mantra, it rolled through his thoughts over and over again, accompanied by his last memory of his partner. Bloody. Pale. Falling. Fallen. Reaching. Chris reaching out. For him. And he did nothing. Could do nothing. Nothing.

Watching from a few feet away, Yates and Eli watched as a tear rolled down the side of Tanner’s face. With nothing but contempt, they began laughing.

 

~o~

“Josiah?”

The team profiler turned toward the voice, acknowledging the speaker with a weary nod. “Buck.”

“Any news?” The newcomer asked as he dropped to one of the woefully uncomfortable waiting room seats.

“Nothing yet. Jenny’s in there, though, and she promised to let us know what’s going on as soon as she can.”

“Good.” There was relief in Buck’s voice at the other man’s words. The team was well known at the hospital and, in turn, the team knew which of the medical staff they could depend on to let them know what was going on behind the surgical doors. Jenny was always quick to inform them of patient status when it was one of them was being operated on.

“Any news?” Sanchez asked now. He didn’t need to elaborate, there were only two people in the world that they were waiting on news about.

“Nothing yet. Ezra’s checkin’ with his snitches and Nate and JD are still on scene with DPD.”

“If JD’s up to his normal tricks, I’d imagine they’re about ready to make him disappear.”

“I’d imagine. Hopefully Nate can keep him from pushing them that far.” Buck shared a brief smile with the other man before they both became quiet once more.

They sat in the waiting room for nearly an hour, sharing small talk and silence as only close friends could. Both men rose, though, when the nurse they had been waiting for entered the room.

“Hey, guys,” Jenny Brown greeted them as she crossed the room to meet them. Pulling off her scrub cap to reveal auburn hair that barely brushed her shoulders when she loosed the clip, she brushed through it with her fingers.

“Hi, Jenny,” Buck greeted with a smile. “How’s he doing?”

“Surgery went fine, the bullet didn’t hit anything vital, but he’s going to need PT for the damage.”

“Well, that sounds pretty par for the course,” Josiah interjected.

Sobering, the nurse went on. “The biggest concern right now is blood loss and infection. As long as he doesn’t lose any more blood and the antibiotics work, he should be able to go home by the end of the week.”

“What’ll happen if he leaves sooner?” Buck asked, his voice somber now.

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Someone… whoever shot Chris… they’ve kidnapped Vin.” Josiah supplied.

With a shocked expression, the nurse responded, “Ah… shit.”

~o~

Vin felt the bed he was shackled to, nude, give slightly. Reluctantly opening his eyes, he saw Eli Joe sitting beside him. Staring. The man had a way of looking at you that made you want for a very hot shower. Made you want to scrub off the first layer of skin to remove any trace of him. He watched as a look of hunger came into those dark, evil eyes. “What do ya want, Eli?”

Responding to the tone of anger in Vin’s voice, the other man said, “Well, hell, sucre, you of all people ought to know what I’m lookin’ for.”

“You ain’t getting it from me, Joe, so give it up now. Let me go or kill me, ain’t sure I’ve got a preference at the moment.” He knew in his heart of hearts the statement was true, not a bluff. Chris was dead, left to bleed out in his… no, their… own yard. He had no reason to stay alive now.

“Aw, don’t be like that, pretty boy,” he replied, running his fingers through Tanner’s hair as he spoke. “You can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you. All those years, wantin’ to have you under me again. I could barely stand it. But no matter where we looked, you’d just left, or hadn’t ever been there. I’ve chased you, ojos azules hermosos, all over. And I’m tired now. I want things back the way they were.”

“I don’t give a shit, Eli, and don’t ever call me that again. I don’t know what you think we had once upon a time, but the only feelin’ I’ve got for you is disgust.” Suddenly Vin found himself pressed down on the mattress, as Eli Joe straddled him. Staring up into the other man’s face, now twisted in anger, he growled through gritted teeth, “Get the fuck off me… now!”

The other man responded quickly, slapping his prisoner hard across the face. “You stupid, stupid, puta! I could kill you right here and now if I wanted to, don’t you get that?”

With a neutral expression that gave nothing of his internal emotions away, Vin replied softly, “Go ahead. It don’t matter none to me.”

Eli Joe was uncertain of how to respond to the man’s words or his tone. Very quickly he found himself growing angry. And he only knew one response to anger; violence. He sat back and unfastened his pants, pushing them down far enough to release his cock. He might be short on stature, but there was one part of his anatomy that was above average. And he was about to use it to punish Tanner for rejecting him.

Vin simply closed his eyes, knowing what was about to happen. He tried to loosen the cuffs he’d been bound to the bed with but, just as had happened earlier, they resisted his actions. Then he felt it; a long forgotten pain that grew in intensity as he was taken roughly by the other man.

~o~

Buck sat in the less than comfortable chair at his old friend’s bedside; where he had been for most of the last 17 hours. A few times during those hours Chris had opened his eyes and muttered a few words. Nothing that he could really make out, other than “Vin”. The rest of that time, he lay very still; the only sounds around him those of the medical equipment that surrounded him.

Then. Chris suddenly came awake. No drifting in and out. No slowly coming to awareness. He was awake. “VIN!”

He was immediately at the man’s side; one hand on Larabee’s shoulder, the other on a forearm. “Take it easy, old son, take it easy.”

Slowly Chris’ eyes focused on his old friend. “Buck? We’ve got to… go get Vin. He’s been…” He was weakly struggling, doing his best to sit up.

“Now, you just take it easy, Chris Larabee. You’ve been hurt, and you’ve lost a lot of blood. You need to try and relax.”

“No time… need to fine Vi… Vin. Lemme go!”

“Chris, listen,” to make certain he had the other man’s attention, he moved his hand from Larabee’s shoulder to his jaw. “I need you to listen to me. The boys are on the job. Ezra called a couple hours ago and they think they have a lead on the SUV Josiah saw leaving the ranch as he was coming up to the turn off. So you need to settle in and work on feeling better. Okay?”

“Buck… no. I’ve got to go… go look for those bastards.”

“Did you see them?” Buck asked, hopefully.

“Yeah… three… there were three of them.” Larabee closed his eyes, struggling to remain conscious and calm as he retrieved the memories of that fateful interaction. Slowly, bits and pieces began to swim through the fog of pain and medication.

Buck watched his friend, content that, at least, Chris was settled for now. The other man’s brows knitted as he struggled to regain the memories of those moments. After a few seconds his eyes opened.

“Yates… one of them… Vin called him Y-Yates.”

“Yates. You hear a first name?”

With a shake of his head, Chris stared toward the ceiling. “He works for someone… named Eli. Eli Joe.”

“Okay. Keep workin’ on anything else you can remember.” As he spoke, Wilmington hit his speed dial to call JD. He knew their computer specialist would be the one working on finding the SUV.

“Dunne.”

“JD, it’s me. Chris is awake, and remembering some things.” Buck quickly relayed the names to the younger man.

“Great! How’s he doing?”

Softly, Buck replied, “He’ll be doing a lot better when we find Vin… at least I hope so,” before he disconnected the phone.

Turning toward the bedridden man, he saw Chris staring at him. Reaching out and clasping a hand that he noted was clenched in the bedding, he said, with all the conviction he could muster, “we’re gonna find him, Chris.”

“I hope so…” Larabee sighed and closed his eyes, clearing telling his old friend that he wasn’t interested in talking any longer.

~o~

Vin moaned softly as he worked to turn over onto his side. Every muscle ached; that dull, throbbing pain that didn’t ease, no matter what you did. They had uncuffed him at some point; which couldn’t be a good sign. Evidently Joe had decided that there wasn’t enough fight left in him to warrant his being bound any longer.

He hated to admit it, but he was pretty certain that the bastard was right. But not for the reason Eli thought. There was no fight left in him because there was nothing left to fight for. The vision of Chris, reaching out to him, falling to the ground as his blood flowed freely never left his mind. He couldn’t save Chris. There was no reason to save himself.

“You’re up.”

He just lay there, ignoring Eli Joe’s words and the taunting tone. Not caring what the sadistic thug said or did to him. It didn’t matter. The bastard could do whatever he wanted to him. Nothing could hurt him now; not ever again.

“Hey! Don’t you lay there and fuckin’ ignore me, puta!”

Vin grunted as he was slapped across the face, open-handed, several times. It was his only response, which only served to make the volatile man angrier. It wasn’t very long before he was receiving a beating. Not the first since his abduction. Eli seemed to focus all of his anger on him. And the bastard was always angry.

Hefe!”

Vin barely noticed the absence of blows for a few seconds, the sharp call, from Yates he thought, echoed through his mind. He blinked open swollen and watery eyes to see the bigger man standing nearby, with Eli Joe wrapped in a bear hug.

“Don’t you touch me, you híbrido!” Joe fought the hold.

“Remember why he’s here… why you wanna keep him alive,” Yates’ voice was harsh, the words delivered in a sharp staccato as he continued to restrain the smaller man. “He’ll live longer; you can hurt him more… you’ve just got to ration it a little more.”

Tanner's gaze fell on Yates, surprised to see the older man’s eyes locked on him as he spoke to Joe. He moaned softly when he saw the hunger there. Yates was only saving him for himself.

~o~

“I want out of here.”

“I understand.”

“I don’t think you do.”

Buck watched the exchange between the doctor and Chris with an expression of amused concern. This was a new doctor, the one who normally dealt with them was out on vacation. He hoped the woman could hold her ground against the stubborn blond.

“Educate me, then,” Miranda Lowell said, her tone one of exasperation. She had heard about these men, and told what to expect. She was ready for anything. She hoped.

“One of my men was abducted by whoever shot me. I need to be out there, searching for him.”

“Forgive me my ignorance in the standards of the ATF, but aren’t there other people… agents… who could be looking for him?”

“They are… but… I saw the men who took him… I can identify them.”

With a frown, the redhead looked from one man to the other. “Don’t you have those computer programs that will allow you to create a… a likeness of them?”

Heaving a sigh, Chris continued. “Yes, but I’m in charge of the Team.”

“You don’t have a back up?”

“Yes, of course I do. But… doctor, I really don’t want to lose time sitting here on my ass, sparring with you. I need to get out of here.”

“I’m not ready to sign you our, Mr. Larabee. Now if there’s nothing else?” She nodded and left the room. Behind her, Chris could only lay there, open mouthed.

“Think she’s gonna do well here,” Buck mused.

“Shut up, Buck, and get me out of here,” Chris said in his sternest, senior agent, tone.

 

“No can do, Stud. You know Travis’ orders as well as anyone else.” Due in part to Team Seven’s notoriety at discharging themselves without the medical staff’s permission, any agent doing so after an on-duty injury, found themselves with hell to pay.

The blond fumed for several seconds, his face flushing, his jaw twitching. Buck was waiting to see the other man’s head simply explode off his shoulders. Instead, he got a single word, shouted with vehemence.

FUCK!”

Relaxing as he felt the tension drain from the room with that syllable, Buck said simply, “yep.”

“Not funny.”

“Wasn’t meant to be.”

“Buck, I’ve got to get out of here! I don’t give a damn about the consequences. I need to go find my… I’ve got to find… damn it, I need to find Vin!”

His mustache twitching slightly at his friend’s frustration, the big man leaned forward and placed a hand on the other’s arm. His voice soft with compassion, he said, “I know what you’re going through, and I understand your pain. Believe me, if I didn’t think Vin’d scalp me when we get him home, I’d break you outta here right now.”

“But?”

“But, the fact of the matter is, we’re gonna find Junior, and we’re gonna get him home. And if you aren’t in the best of health, he’s gonna have my hide. Now, you’ve gotta trust us to do our job. We can find him. Meanwhile, you need to do your job and get better.”

“Buck…” Larabee sighed softly. With a pained expression, he relented with, “Yeah, okay.”

~o~

Vin stared at the faintly visible ceiling of what he could only describe as his cell. It was about the size of a walk-in closet, with nothing more in it than the narrow bed he was lying on. Once a day someone brought him enough water to keep him alive, but no one brought him any food. He knew very well what Eli planned on doing. The sadist would wear him down; beatings and no food. Then he would be able to do anything he wanted to, and with him.

To the best of his knowledge, he had been held captive for a week. He was somewhat surprised that the boys hadn’t found him yet, but knew they had to be in shock. That, and they would be taking care of Chris’ final arrangements. Hell, would they even bother looking for him? He was responsible for Chris Larabee’s death; would anyone care if he was alive or dead? He sure as hell didn’t.

As happened every time Chris crossed his mind - which was often - he was flooded by memories. Days and nights, being with the blond. Those moments that could warm him on the coldest night, and send the blood rushing from every point of his body, directly to his cock. The love; the passion that he’d never known before in his life. But then that final memory would come, and it left him limp and sobbing quietly. Chris, bloody, reaching out to him. Chris dying… Chris dead… and it was his fault. It all filled his mind, and left him feeling completely empty. He knew one thing above all others: it was his past that had killed their future.

The door opened a few feet away from him, letting in a little light. Even that was enough to have him grunting and squeezing his eyes closed tight. Most of the time he was in a soft darkness, only the light coming through the cracks at the door giving him some sense of his surroundings.

Yates entered, a glass of water in one, beefy hand. “You awake, Tanner?”

“Go to hell,” he growled in response, his voice even raspier than usual.

With a deep chuckle that sounded like a response to a dirty joke, Yates said, “Aw, don’t be like that, Vinny.”

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that. I’m no one’s “Vinny”, Dwight.”

Yates grabbed his face, turning him roughly so that their faces were only inches apart. His voice a whisper, he said, “You’re anything I want you to be, Vinny.”

“Not if Eli says otherwise.”

“Eli won’t give a shit. All he wants is to hurt you, like you hurt him.”

“What I did was legal business, to take him and his operation down.”

“What you did, puta, was to act like his boy toy… let him put his tongue in your ear and his dick in your -- “

“You don’t know a damn thing,” Vin growled. “I did what I had to do, to bring down his operation.”

“Yeah, and you and the other Marshalls,” he spit the word out like it had a bad taste, “didn’t give a damn about who you hurt, or what you did to get those arrests.”

“Am I supposed to be sad because you, Eli and the others spent some time in new relationships you didn’t ask for?”

“No, but you’re going to be sad about the new relationships you’ll be making. You’re going to bring us a lot of money, hijo.”

“Not if I’m dead.”

“We’re not gonna kill you… just make you a little… easier to handle.” With that he released Vin and stood up. Holding out a large glass, he finished with “drink up, Vinny.”

“No thanks, I’m good.”

“Suit yourself.” Yates tossed the water in the supine man’s face and turned, leaving the tiny room once more.

Vin heard the sound of a key turning in the lock as he began wiping the water from his face. He couldn’t resist licking his hand, tasting enough of the wet stuff to make him thirst for more. It was a temporary desire that he subdued quickly. Death was what he wanted now. There was no reason to continue when Chris was gone. The quicker it came, the happier he would be.

~o~

JD looked up from his computer, tired eyes beholding a sight he thought at first was a hallucination. With a puzzled expression on his face, he said, “Chris?”

The others looked up then, shocked to find their leader entering the suite that housed their team. He was dressed in his own jeans, but the white tee shirt he wore had been borrowed from somewhere. Buck stood and crossed the room as he said, “What the hell are you doing here, stud?”

“Good to see you, too.” Chris replied, his voice somewhat breathless. Truth be told, the trip from the taxi had almost done him in.

“Did you leave with or without permission?” Nathan asked, one hand on his phone, ready to call the hospital.

“Don’t get so eager to bust me on this, Nate, I’ve got my discharge paperwork.” He pulled out several, rumpled pages along with three small squares of paper that they recognized as prescriptions.

“I don’t suppose coming to work rather than going home is on there, is it?” Buck asked. “Why didn’t you call one of us to come get you?”

“I’m here, so drop it.” Chris turned from his old friend and toward their computer specialist. “JD? Anything?”

With a quick shake of his head, JD responded, “Nothing. There’s no sign that this Eli Joe, who's last name is Chavez or Yates, first name Dwight, are anywhere. The last thing I can find on them is their discharge from prison; Yates four years ago, Eli Joe got out two years ago.”

“And Vin was one of the Marshalls that took them down.”

“Yeah. And there’s more.” JD hesitated briefly before delivering the additional information. “It seems like Vin was undercover, acting as… well, as Eli Joe’s… love interest?”

Chris paled, leaving the others to wonder if he was distraught at the news or if it was about his current physical health. Nathan pulled a chair up behind the suddenly trembling man, and he and Josiah lowered him into it. The dark-skinned man couldn’t help but scold, “See, this is why you should be home in bed.”

“Not now, Nate,” Buck intervened softly, seeing the defeat on the blond‘s face. Looking at JD, he continued, “Anything else?”

“Yeah. Eli Joe threatened to kill Vin personally while they were in court. He had to be restrained by the deputies and removed from the room. And then, there’s this…” he canted his head toward his computer screen. “It seems that the crime he was convicted of was human trafficking, including children as young as three and four. You can imagine that his time locked up wasn’t exactly enjoyable if word got out that he’d been hurting kids.”

“Damn, it would seem plausible then that, in his mind, Vin’s responsible for a lot of the bad in his life.” Josiah said.

“How close are we to finding them?” Chris asked JD.

Shaking his head, the young man said, “Not close enough. We’ve followed every lead we’ve found, but they’ve all been dead ends. I’m just… we’re at…”

“Spit it out, son,” Chris encouraged softly, wiping a trembling hand over a perspiration covered face.

Dropping his head, long, dark bangs covering his young face, Dunne continued. “I don’t know where to look next, Chris. We're still looking for the SUV Josiah saw leaving the ranch. There’ve been no other clues; nothing in either man's name. No vehicle registrations, no properties, nothing that will give us a clear trail to follow.”

“There has to be something!” Larabee grumbled.

“Chris, we haven’t given up. Ezra’s been grilling all of his contacts, looking for anyone who might know something. We’ve had their pictures out there for everyone to see. We‘ll find them.” Buck promised.

Leaning heavily against the chair arm, the blond sighed. “I know… I know you guys have followed every lead. I know you’re doing your best. It’s just… we have to find him.”

The others felt their guts tighten at the look on their supervisor’s face; lost and beaten. Buck had seen that look many years before. He squatted down next to the other man’s chair and said softly, “Chris, we’ll find him. It’s just taking more time than we’d like. Why don’t you go in your office and lay down for a while? We’ll let you know if there’s anything new.”

Larabee struggled with his thoughts. He would prefer to stay out in the bullpen with the others, but knew that they’d be distracted, worrying about him, rather than keeping their minds on what was important. With a nod he pushed himself up from the chair and took a

few, unsteady steps, before he felt someone beside him. Buck and Nathan took his arms and walked beside him into his private office.

The two men behind them looked at one another, shaking their heads at the stubbornness and devotion their team leader and friend had. Especially for Vin Tanner.

Inside the small, private, office, Buck and Nathan got Chris settled on the couch, the blond grumbling at their attentions, but unable to find the energy to do anything more. Nathan pushed up the tee shirt, checking the wound before pulling it back into place when he was satisfied by the lack of blood on the bandages. Buck pulled off the slippers the weary man wore in place of his usual boots, then spread the blanket, kept in the sideboard, over him. Watching as Larabee’s worried gaze softened as his eyes drifted closed, Wilmington exchanged an exasperated glance with Jackson. They slipped quietly from the room, leaving Chris to rest while they went back to their search.

He didn't rest, however. His mind was filled with fear. Fear for Vin. What were they doing to his life partner? And would they be able to find and rescue him?

~o~

He no longer kept track of the days; he no longer cared. He had been deprived of food for so long that he barely thought about it. They continued to bring him enough water to keep him alive, and he no longer fought them. He simply drank it and let it settle in his empty gut.

Eli Joe was often the one to bring the water, and he stayed much longer than necessary. Vin ignored the things Joe did most of the time, simply grunting or groaning when the man’s attentions became painful.

“You used to be a lot more fun to be around,” Joe said in a voice dripping with honey and venom, as he stroked a hand through the other man’s hair. With a look bordering on disgust, he pulled his hand away, looking it over. “You really could use a shower, ojos azules. You stink.”

Vin didn’t respond, he simply lay there, his mind focused inwardly, as it had been for some time.

Eli slapped the unresponsive man. “Perra! Look at me when I talk to you!”

“Just go ahead and get it over with, híbrido, I don’t give a damn any longer.” Vin said softly. To his surprise, there were no other blows in response. Instead, he heard the door close and lock.

~o~

It had been nearly three weeks, and every second of that time could be read on Chris Larabee’s face. Every morning he exited his office just before dawn, heading for the break room, where he began another in the endless pots of coffee. Each of his men, as they filed in shortly afterward, greeted him. They didn’t expect a response and didn’t get one. Chris was like a ghost haunting them, hovering over their shoulders as they checked out yet another lead; dismissed yet another wild goose chase. Never one for excessive dialogue, he spoke now in monosyllables; “yes”, “no” and “fuck”.

They had tried to get him to leave the office and go home in the beginning, but had given up on that after he plowed a fist into Buck’s face and sent him sailing across the room. So, they left him alone. JD had gone out to the ranch and brought the labile blond back a suitcase filled with clothes and toiletries. Josiah had contacted Yosemite and asked him to continue caring for the livestock and to keep watch on the house. In the days that followed, Chris spent most of the night going over everything they had put together that day, looking for something... anything they might have missed.

The diminished team settled into a new routine; focused solely on locating Vin Tanner and the men who had taken him. Travis, knowing that there was no way to keep them working on anything else, had shifted their caseload to the other teams, who were also on alert as backup when Vin was found. Even the former juror refused to use the word “if”.

“Chris!”

Larabee was out of his office and entering the bullpen even before the call, delivered by Ezra, ended. Eyes at once hollow and hopeful, he asked, “something?”

“Yes, I believe so. One of my associates, who has done some contract work for a rather despicable man of peculiar tastes just called - “

“Ezra,” Buck said in a warning tone, noting the rise of color in his old friend’s features, “get to it.”

Hearing the warning and acknowledging it with a quick nod, their undercover agent said quickly, “I believe we may have found Vin.”

~o~

He stumbled along in Yates’ grasp, trying to keep his balance after such a long time with little activity. His body trembled and his vision seemed blurred, but he was out of his cell and that was enough for now. He felt no joy, however. He had been shoved into a shower and scrubbed down by Yates and one of the others, earlier. After they decided he was clean enough they shaved his thickly growing beard and mustache and pulled his long hair back in a tight ponytail. As they did, he had no choice but to look straight ahead, into the mirror. There were three reflections, but it took a moment to recognize the one in the middle. Gaunt, pale, hollow eyed. Bruised heavily around face and neck, with a few more along the chest. As they pulled him away from the mirror, he gave his reflection one final look. But the face he saw meant no more to him then a stranger on the street.

Next he was shoved into a pair of black silk pajama pants and a thin, short tailed white shirt. No shoes, no underwear. The entire time they were doing this, Yates was making lewd comments about what he intended to do later.

For now, however, he was being taken to see Eli Joe.

Entering the room at the end of the hallway, Vin blinked as his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, seeming even darker after the bright hallway. He liked the darkness, though, he even craved it. Anything that would help him keep the thoughts of what had happened, away.

Chris was dead, and it was all his fault. There was nothing he could do to change that fact. He could, however, do anything he could to join his lover.

The smells of rich food suddenly hit him, making him weak in the knees. He had nearly forgotten what food tasted like and, now, he found himself overcome by those suppressed memories. His mouth began to water, and his stomach lurched. He made a single sound, something between a groan and a whimper. By the time he recovered, he found himself seated at a table between Eli Joe and a “customer”.

Vin tried to keep his eyes, and his mind, off the stranger sitting to his right, but wasn’t successful.

The man looked like Jabba the Hut in a suit. His flesh was pale pink, untouched by the sun for a very long time. Even though the suit looked expensive, it was ill-fitting, the jacket unbuttoned and the buttons on his shirt straining to contain his corpulent gut. And, when the man leaned toward him, Vin gagged at the stench that doubled as the man’s breath. Then he felt one sausage-fingered hand spread out across his thigh, running upward toward his crotch. Growling under his breath, he moved his leg, trying to get away from the bastard’s cloying grip. He was stopped from the left, Eli Joe pressing a hand against his back to keep him in place. As weakened as he was from his long captivity, Vin could do little to get away. He ducked his head as his pale face colored in impotent anger and frustration.

“You have to excuse sweet Vinny here, he’s still… in training,” Eli’s voice was dipped in honey but still stank. “But I’m sure you’ll find him… to your liking. Right, Vinny?”

He refused to respond, but it did no good. Suddenly his head was jerked back by his tightly bound hair, and he was forced to face the man Joe was trying to impress. He forced himself to keep his eyes opened, and fixed an angry glare on Jabba, who responded with a frighteningly high giggle and a smile.

“Oh, my, isn’t he just delightful!? I can just imagine changing that expression while he’s on the cross…” he trailed the back of his hand along Vin’s face. “Won’t that be exciting… Vinny?”

Vin responded then; working up enough saliva in his dry mouth to spit at the man. In response, Eli jerked him back, hard, slapping him in such a way that he found himself breathless for several, long seconds. During that time the other two men laughed at his plight, and Jabba fondled him with a hard grip.

Recovering, Vin gathered his strength and fought back, but days and nights of no food, little water, and inactivity left him with very little to draw on. It wasn’t long before he was subdued and hauled to his feet by Eli, who called out to Yates.

“Don’t worry,” Joe said, “we’ll make certain that he’s in a more… agreeable… mood before you take custody.”

“No, no!” Jabba protested. “I like them with some fight in them. Let’s just wrap this up; I’d like to take him home with me tonight.”

“If you’re sure?” The question came from Yates, and Vin could hear the disappointment in his voice. The big man had visited him a few times, and he knew he’d have nightmares about those visits for the rest of his life. Which he hoped would not be very long.

“Yes, of course I’m sure!” Jabba was obviously upset about an “underling” questioning his decision.

“Take him out to Mister Johansson’s car, we’ll be out just as soon as we’ve finished with our business,” Eli said dismissively.

Vin grunted as Yates pulled him roughly from the room and down the long hallway. He tried to keep up, but found himself nearly falling again and again. By the time they reached the front door, he was breathless and trembling. The bigger man grabbed the ornate, brass handle and propelled them both onto the front steps, then down the heavy brickwork stairs toward a “stretch limo” that sat at the ready. He gave the man standing beside the car only a cursory glance as the back door was opened and he was unceremoniously shoved inside. There, sprawled across the leather seat, he looked up as Yates began to speak while he leaned inside the car.

“You know, Vinny, we’ve still got a little time. Eli, he don’t consider the deal over until…” suddenly the bully grew silent, and dropped onto the broad floor of the limo. Vin could only sit there, staring. Then, just as the door closed, he caught sight of a gloved hand, holding a hypodermic needle.

“What the… who…?” He stammered as the driver slid behind the steering wheel. He watched as the man removed his cap and turned to greet him with the flash of a golden tooth.

“It is good to see you, my friend.”

“EZRA!?” Despite his continued weakness, Vin sprang across the extended backseat and leaned across the seat to touch the other man. “Ezra… you’re here.”

“I am, dear friend.” The undercover man struggled to keep his composure as he saw just how badly Tanner had been treated. The blue eyes that looked at him, once vibrant and full of life, were now dull and lifeless. Pulling himself from his thoughts, Standish continued. “Now, do me a favor and get down on the floor. When I “punch it” as JD is fond of saying, I fear we may bring more attention to ourselves than we’d like.”

“’Kay.” Still in shock at the sudden rescue, Vin did as he was instructed and found himself curled up on the floor very near his now unconscious tormentor.

In the front seat, Ezra Standish turned on the car, shifted, and shoved the accelerator to the floor. The big car responded by sputtering briefly, then darting forward. While he cursed the poorly built, if stylish, vehicle's abilities, he steered expertly along the winding drive, toward the large, iron gate. Closed, he knew that timing was of the essence; he sighed with relief as one of the large, fortified vehicles that the ATF used crashed through the gates right on time. Swerving quickly to the right, he couldn’t help but smile as he passed the incoming vehicle.

Josiah Sanchez was behind the wheel, a cigar clamped between his teeth and a beatific smile on his rugged face.

Eli Joe’s men were scrambling around, trying to recover from the sudden attack. One or two of them got off shots at the limo but, happily, they missed anything vital, including the occupants. Ezra turned the wheel sharply, bringing the car to the left and out through the ruined gateway, then another left took them onto the boulevard beyond.

In the back, Vin hadn’t moved. He lay in the fetal position, arms over his head as he tried to absorb what was going on. Finally, taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up and onto the back seat. There he lay back against the rich leather, simply breathing. He wanted to ask about Chris but then, he didn’t. He didn’t want to hear one of his friends tell him that the most important part of his life was dead. Better to hear that mantra inside his head; he couldn’t bear to hear it from Ezra… or anyone else. Finally he settled on, “Where’s the boys?”

“Josiah and Nathan were in the vehicle that passed us in Chavez’s compound. The others are going to be waiting for us just around this corner.” That said, Ezra pulled up to the curb next to a construction site. Turning with a smile, he said, “I’m sure they are very anxious to see you.”

Frowning at the way Standish emphasized they, Vin was just getting ready to respond when the door beside him slowly opened. Turning, he saw a familiar face beaming in at him. Suddenly everything came crashing in on him and he felt the entire world move three feet to the left as a single word managed to escape his trembling lips. “Chris? I... you... but you're... you're dead!”

Larabee was shocked at Tanner's words, and even moreso when the man's eyes rolled back in his head, and he slumped forward. He barely managed to catch him, and both of them ended up in a heap on the ground beside the car. “Little help here!”

Buck and JD were there in a heartbeat, helping to untangle the blond from the limp arms, legs and torso of his partner. Ezra appeared as well, his cell phone in his hand as he called for the ambulance that was nearby, on standby. Finishing the call, he smiled at the senior agent. “They’ll be here to take you both to the hospital in about two minutes.”

“I’m not injured.” Chris said, a glare beginning to form.

“C’mon, stud, you mean to sit there and tell us you’re not gonna ride in with him?” Buck nodded toward the still unconscious man now cradled in Larabee’s arms.

A smile quickly replaced the glare as he looked down at the other man. Despite the obvious signs of abuse, it was the most wonderful sight he could imagine. “I guess you’re right. Can you boys take care of the rest of this?”

“Reckon we can.”

~o~

“Come… ‘in let… see those… eyes… on…”

Vin frowned, trying to figure out who was calling him, and what they were saying. He struggled to open his eyes, but found it almost impossible. Wha… what?”

“Come on… can you wake up for me?”

“Wanna sleep.”

“I know, but I just need you to wake up for a minute or so, okay?”

With a heavy sigh, he blinked several times and, after several failed tries, he managed to lift the lids, only to find himself surrounded by nothing more than shapes and colors. “Where’m I?” he slurred.

“You’re in the hospital. Can you tell me your name?”

“Vin… Vin Tanner,” he struggled to make his words clear. Then he realized that, while the speaker was on his right, there was someone on his left as well. And they had their hand wrapped around his. With a smile that spread across his pale features, he breathed, “Chris.”

“I’m right here.” Larabee’s voice was filled with emotions that threatened to spill out with every word he said.

“I know… Gawd, I know… Chris… you’re here.”

Stroking the long, tangled, chestnut locks, the blond whispered, “and I’m never gonna leave you.”

“I’m sorry, guys,” the young nurse broke into their exchange. “I hate to interrupt… well, anything… but I need to complete this interview.”

Both men smiled and voiced their agreement, but they could have been the only two people in the world.

~o~

It was after midnight, the others were long gone. They had tried to get him to go home and get some rest, but he had refused. Despite the fact that he had ignored his own needs and his own injuries, he couldn't bear to think of Vin waking alone when the sedatives finally wore off.

The room's lighting was dim, but there was enough for him to see the signs of abuse Vin had suffered. His face; so handsome, with finely drawn features, was a mass of cuts and bruises. The mottling was thick around his broad mouth, telling quite clearly what Chavez and the others had forced him to do. And, if that wasn't enough evidence, there were the bruises and bloody abraisions on his ass. He knew that, soon, Vin would be asked to make a statement as to what had occurred. He wished with everything in him that it wouldn't be necessary. But it would be if they had any hope of getting his attackers back behind bars.

 

Vin sighed in his sleep, and Chris leaned forward, stroking a hand along his partner's face. Tanner's lips turned up slightly in a smile, murmuring something he couldn't make out, and drifted deeper into sleep once more.

~o~

Vin's second day in the hospital was filled with tests and evaluations. Chris stood watch over his partner, making certain that the activity wasn't becoming too overwhelming. He also made certain that the investigators, charged with gathering all of the information possisble to make the case against Tanner's attackers, stayed their distance.

“Chris,” Vin said wearily from where he lay curled up in the bed, “it's gonna happen.”

“I know.” Larabee dropped to the chair with a groan. “But, it can happen after you're stronger.”

“Ain't ever gonna be strong enough to...” he hesitated, his already pale face growing even paler. Clearing his throat he managed to continue, “it's never gonna get easier, Chris, no matter how strong I get. What... what they did... I...”

Watching his partner struggle with his emotions, Larabee dropped the bedside railing and sat on the edge of the mattress. Taking Vin's hands in his, he looked deeply into the eyes that had haunted his dreams for weeks. “Vin, listen to me. I know... I can see the physical damage and can imagine the psychological pain you're in. And I will do everything I can to protect you--”

“You can't, Chris.” Vin squeezed the other man's hands, and pulled them to his chest. “Even if you lived in my head, you couldn't protect me from what happened... and what's gonna happen... if we're gonna have a chance at puttin' E... Eli J-Joe and Yates away...”

Leaning forward, the blond extracted his hands and placed them on either side of the other man. “Maybe not, but Vin I can promise you that I will be there. Every step of the way, Pard, and that's a promise.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

With a smile, Tanner managed a nod. “Then it's gonna be okay.”

 

Epilog

The black Dodge Ram drove slowly up the long, white rock drive. As it neared the garage it slowed to a stop, the sound of the engine dying, replaced by the sounds of nature and two rather disgruntled horses leaning against the corral fence just beyond the garage.

The driver’s side door opened, and Chris Larabee emerged. Dressed in jeans and a red shirt, he quickly moved around to the passenger side door. Opening it up, he smiled at the man inside. Vin was slouched bonelessly in the seat; he'd been dozing through most of the trip.

They were home, and Chris wasn’t certain he could ever get enough of looking at his partner. Reaching out he nudged Tanner, rewarded by a grouchy sounding four letter word. “That an offer? If so, I think you’re gonna need to rest up a bit more.”

Blue eyes opened, staring out at him with love and an expression very close to disbelief. “Still can’t believe it,” Vin murmured, reaching out and touching Larabee’s chest. He smiled as he felt the strong beat of the other man’s heart.

“Yeah, I’m still here, and I’m breathing. It’s okay, Vin,” Chris said softly, very well aware of just how fragile his partner was. And would be for some time. He silently cursed the bastards who were now sitting behind bars and awaiting trial.

“You’re thinkin’ about it again,” Vin teased, his hand still resting on Chris’ chest. “I can feel it.”

Clasping the warm hand with his own, Larabee said, “Yeah, but I’ll stop now. C’mon, let’s go inside.” He gently tugged at Tanner’s hand, drawing him from the cab of the truck. When Vin was on his feet, he drew his lover toward him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

A short time later, they were stretched out on the big bed they shared, still fully clothed except for their boots. Vin was tucked up against Chris’ chest, Larabee’s legs bracketing him. Their arms were entwined, hands clasped. Once again the younger man was drowsing, content to lay, relaxed, in his partner’s arms. But then, just as he drifted toward deeper sleep, he jerked awake with a startled cry.

Chris tightened his grip on the other man, whispering softly, “It’s okay, Vin. You’re safe. Go on to sleep.”

Shifting, Vin shook his head. “No, not… I don’t wanna… damn it!”

“Hey, listen to me, okay? Chavez, Yates, the others, they’re locked up. They can’t hurt you, not any more.”

“I wish…” Vin stopped, clearing his throat, “I wish that was true, but they’re there. If I can get deep enough where the dreams don't… where I don't dream I guess... I'm okay. But, when... I don't know, it's hard to explain. When I get caught in the dreams... they’re there… and you’re not.”

“I wish I could be there… I hope I will be at some point. But, for now, all I can do is be here,” Chris hugged his lover closer. “You’re going to see the doctor next week, to start working through this. But, for now? You hold onto me, okay? We’ll get through this.”

“We will, huh?”

“Hell yeah, we will,” Chris replied passionately. “Vin, I wish to God that I could take away those nightmares. I am so… so sorry that you thought I was dead. I’d give anything to be able to take away the pain that it caused you. But… I can’t.”

“All you gotta do is hold me, Chris,” Vin murmured, nuzzling against the broad chest that pillowed him.

Leaning his chin against the top of Tanner’s head, Larabee replied, “forever, pard. Forever.”

The End

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May 2, 2011