Confidence

by Rebel Yell

Disclaimer; Don’t own anything. Not even my soul, since I owe that to the university.

Rating; NC-17 for explicit sex.

Warnings; Angsty piece. Talks about abuse in a relationship. Nothing too graphic, I don’t think. Lotsa swearing, as per usual in my stuff. Maybe a bit dark as a piece, but it has my usual sappy ending. I’m just a romantic at heart.

Author Notes: Confidence is within the Reunion ‘universe’ but I hesitate to put it in the series, since it doesn’t involve a reunion. So, you’ll probably understand it better if you’ve read Reunion, What Do You Say, and Merry Christmas from the Family first, but its not strictly necessary. This piece fills in some background, and is sort of a foreshadowing of what’s coming in the series. Takes place directly after Merry Christmas…

Part One

“ I’m glad our teammates decided not to welcome us back in person.” Ezra commented, as he erased the five messages from the machine. Undoubtedly, they would welcome them officially tomorrow at work. “You know, its simply asinine that we have to work tomorrow, only to have both Tuesday and Wednesday off for the holiday.”

“ I don’t make up the calendar, baby.” Chris returned, sliding his arms around his lover’s waist. “Just my job to make sure you show up when they say to.”

“ I know. It’d be nice to have tomorrow off, for just the two of us.” Ezra leaned back into the warm embrace. Chris made no verbal reply, simply bent his head to place a line of kisses along the graceful neck up to the little spot behind the ear that always made Ezra gasp…there it was. The southerner allowed even more of his weight to lean on his lover, as Chris nibbled playfully around the shell of the ear.

“ Have the rest of today.” Chris whispered suggestively.

“ Sounds lovely.” Ezra replied, turning within the taller man’s arms to bring their lips together. Chris returned the kiss eagerly, hands sliding up to frame the handsome face of his southerner. Their kissing deepened, mouths opening to allow tongues to entwine familiarly. Smooth hands slid inside the back of jeans and boxers, clinging possessively to the flesh beneath them. Rougher fingers deftly unbuttoned the silk shirt, pushing it open to reveal the muscular expanse. Callused tips grazed across sensitive nipples, eliciting moans that were swallowed by the kisses. Chris broke away from his lover to push the shirt from broad shoulders before diving back in to kiss and nip his way along the jaw line. He returned to the magic little spot behind Ezra’s ear, and the younger man moaned loudly, his knees nearly buckling as hands roamed freely across his chest in counterpoint to the licks and bites behind his ear.

Chris maneuvered them to the living room couch, easing them both down onto the soft cushions. He continued to push lightly on bare shoulders until Ezra was laid completely flat underneath him. The southerner grasped the hem of Chris’s shirt, and it was pulled over the blond head to be flung vaguely towards the spot where Ezra’s shirt had fallen. Chris left the much-teased ear and made his way down the body before him. He stopped at the navel, placing a gentle kiss there before eagerly laving the indentation.

“ Ah, God, Chris.” Ezra bucked up into the mouth sucking at his navel.

Chris continued his current ministrations for a few minutes, before unbuckling and removing the belt and moving on to tackle the button-fly. Silk boxers were revealed beneath, and he leaned forward before licking at the encased erection. Ezra gasped at the feeling of warm, wet, silk sliding along his burgeoning cock. He half-sighed, half-groaned in disappointment when that teasing mouth and hands moved further downwards, past thighs and calves to slide off shoes and socks. Chris caught the bottom of both pant legs, and tugged. Ezra obediently arched up, freeing his jeans from the weight of his body and allowing his lover to tug the denim down and off. Pausing for a moment, Chris once more took the time to stare in awe at the wonder of his lover. Ezra was truly the most gorgeous man he’d ever met. Breaking from his reverie, the blond slid his hands slowly up toned legs and along hips, the flanks and finally across the chest as his lips met Ezra’s. He could just feel the hardened length beneath him through silk, denim, and cotton. That was three too many layers between his body and Ezra’s.

“ Your turn.” Ezra must have agreed, as hands flew into action, quickly ridding the older man of his belt and pushing jeans out of the way, down past the knees so Chris could somewhat gracefully kick them off. Cotton boxers followed as soft southern hands wrapped tightly around his erection. Chris thrust minimally into those hands, as his lover expertly stroked him. Finally, wanting to return the pleasure ten-fold, Chris pulled Ezra’s hands from his body, and pinned them at the southerner’s sides. Keeping a solid hold on the other man’s wrists, Chris slipped downwards and kissed his way across the expanse of dark green silk. He mouthed the hard cock through the silk, sucking both erection and silk into his mouth. While the silk didn’t taste as good as pure Ezra, the effects the teasing had on his younger lover was worth the minor drawback.

Ezra nearly bucked his lover off, arching mightily off the couch. Hot, wet, silk; insistent tongue, hard sucks, smooth, soft barrier…the feel of a silk encased blow job was incredible. He’d have to return the favor sometime soon, the undercover decided with what little was left of his rational mind.

“Chris…gawd that feels…ah…so good.” Ezra gasped out, trying to fight his natural urge to thrust his entire body upwards into that heat.

Chris pulled back, experience telling him that Ezra was getting closer than the older man wanted him. He slid the wet silk off, before dropping back down to place kisses at the base of Ezra’s erection. He was amazed once more at the oddly erotic feel of bare skin instead of wiry hair. Ezra had shaved all his body hair for the last case, and this was the only area that the southerner had not allowed to grow back in. To be honest, Chris had never understood why it was necessary to shave that particular section…it wasn’t like the damn gunrunners were gonna see this part of his man anyway. At least, they better not, he growled. Damn crooks…no one got to see this but him. Chris attacked the proud erection rising before him, lips and tongue mercilessly working the flesh.

Ezra heard the growl, and felt the change in tempo as his lover harshly grasped his hips to keep them hard against the couch. The sharp bites were soothed by long licks, and the younger man gave himself up to the sensations. Somewhere in his mind though, he wondered what had awakened that highly aggressive side of his lover.

“ Damn…Chris. Coming.” The undercover was surprised he managed to be that coherent. Chris either didn’t hear him, or ignored the announcement, as his ministrations did not change.

Part Two

Chris did hear his lover. He continued what he was doing, riding out the many twists and bucks of the young man below him. The blonde bit down hard on the sensitive skin just below the base of the penis, knowing there would probably be a mark there by tomorrow. Ezra all but screamed, arching off the couch despite the weight of his lover on his lower body, as he came.

Ezra dropped back onto the couch, feeling utterly drained and heavy-limbed. He let his eyes flicker closed for just an instant, before they flew open again at the feel of Chris’ hands running over his now softening member. He was continually surprised, pleasantly, at the feeling of his lover’s hands, and mouth, on the sensitive skin, unhindered by hair. The intensity of that feeling…it was the real reason he’d not let it grow back yet. That, and stubble itched, whether on the face or other parts of your anatomy, and Ezra refused to fight the desire to scratch that region all day every day at work. Yes…all in all, much better to leave it bare. That decided, Ezra moved on to more immediate concerns. Like his lover’s erection pressed against his leg, and insistent hands rubbing against a highly sensitized anatomy.

Chris waited for the spasms of orgasm to pass, and let his southerner fall back onto the couch limply. He watched beautiful green eyes ease flutter, then shut. Unh-uh, his firecracker wasn’t getting off that easy today. Chris let his hands wander, massaging the softening penis and surrounding skin. He happily noted that Ezra’s stamina seemed up to his usual standards, as his efforts were rewarded by the gradual swell increasing beneath his hands. Sweat beaded on the younger man’s stomach, pooling at the navel. Tempted, Chris leaned forward, licking at the little pool. He groaned slightly at the taste, and the quivering muscles he could feel beneath his tongue.

“Ah…ah, shit.” Ezra moaned, as his lover’s tongue darted in and out of his navel. He felt himself swell once more, his penis rubbing oh so lightly against Chris’ shoulder. Damn, the man was attempting to kill him. Ignoring the fact that they were on the couch, Ezra pulled his lover up to bring their lips together, and rolled them so that he’d be on top. The short fall to the floor and the oof that landing elicited were also studiously ignored. The southerner kissed downward from the strong jaw, finally arriving at his destination after detours to lavish attention on Chris’ nipples. Ezra licked the leaking pre-cum from the tip before swallowing to the base. Chris bucked into his mouth, fingers threading through his hair.

The older man let his lover swallow him for a few minutes, enjoying the familiar and much beloved sensation of Ezra’s throat constricting around him. He could think of even tighter constrictions, however, and soon pulled the chestnut head from his erection. Ezra looked up, question bright in the emerald eyes.

“ Gonna fuck you.” Chris answered, and Ezra slid up his body, tongue invading his lover’s mouth. They wrestled playfully for dominance, Chris’ tongue eventually winning control of the deep kiss. Chris rolled them once more, so he was on top the younger man. Hands caressed as they swept down, brushing heavily where hair use to rest. Chris found himself growling again, as images of the gunrunners they’d just busted seeing this part of Ezra came unbidden. A fierce desire to claim what was his flowed through his veins, and he let it take over. His hand slid easily between spread legs, to the opening waiting there.

Part Three

Ezra let his legs fall open, eager to feel the pleasure of encasing Chris inside him. He heard the growl, but thought nothing of it, as Chris growled a lot when they were making love. Ezra panted out words, occasionally in foreign languages, and Chris growled. It was comfortable, the sounds reminding him of who it was that touched him so, set his nerves on fire. Expecting the fingers to tease, skirt around his pucker, Ezra gasped when he felt a finger push inside, dry. When Chris withdrew the invader, Ezra assumed it was to lubricate the digit.

Chris wasn’t thinking of comfort at the moment. Comfortable would have meant taking it to the bedroom, taking his time, digging into drawers to find lubricant…but the blond man was in a hurry. He needed to do this now, to make sure Ezra knew who claimed him, who was supposed to see him like this. No time for the care he usually took. He pushed in at the puckered hole with two fingers, hastily stretching his lover.

Ezra gasped again at the repeated dry entrance. If he’d been a virgin, it might have really hurt, rather than been merely highly uncomfortable. Okay, he lied. It did hurt, Ezra amended as Chris pushed in a third finger. He pulled back from the kiss, intent on reminding Chris he’d forgotten something.

“ Love-” He was cut off by a marauding tongue. His second attempt to say something had the exact same result. A fourth finger pushed in. At least he was bothering to stretch him a little, Ezra tried to reason. It had been a long time since the southerner had last been taken with anything less than the utmost care, Chris was always so careful, even when in a hurry, not to hurt him. He felt the fingers pull out, and wondered if he was bleeding. He hoped not. Chris would never forgive himself.

Chris slid between the open legs of the man beneath him, hooking both knees and shifting them to his shoulders. He leaned forward, ignoring the fact that he was bending his lover in half, and brought their lips together once more. He finally broke the kiss, and drove himself inside the tight body.

Ezra nearly screamed as his body protested the invasion. The minor lubrication from Chris’ pre-cum was not helping enough. He’d forgotten the pain of a dry entry. He’d been in college the last time he’d been taken by a man other than Chris. He tried to shake off the images of Tom, but the pain brought them up from the dredges of his memory.

Part Four

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Wait. It hurts.” Ezra gasped, looking up at the older man expectantly.

“ Its fine, kid. Just first time stuff.” He continued what he was doing.

“ It really hurts.” Ezra squirmed as a third finger shoved abruptly inside. He made no answer, but pulled out. Ezra tried to relax, thinking he’d given up on the idea for now.

The young man screamed when Tom suddenly thrust inside.

“ Damn it, shut up!” Tom pulled back on Ezra’s hair. “You’ll wake up the whole damn floor, and then we’re really fucked. I get caught with a kid from one of my classes, and I’m out.”

“ Sorry, it just hurts.” Ezra didn’t cry. He held back the tears, channeling the pain as best he could.

“ Don’t be sorry, be quiet.” Tom started thrusting, groaning at the tightness of the boy’s ass. “Damn you’re tight, kid. Fucking so tight.”

“ Stop…it hurts.”

“ Let it go, kid. It’ll get better. Always hurts at first.” It never got better.

*****************

“Tom. Stop.” Ezra pulled away from his TA, trying to concentrate on the books in front of him. He had a test tomorrow. Tom reached around, and shut the book.

“ I’m sure you’ll get an A. The TA likes you.” He whispered into an ear.

“ I want to earn my grades.”

“ Who said you aren’t earning it?” Tom’s hand slipped to the front of Ezra’s pants, as he pulled the smaller and younger man to his feet. “I think you’re earning it very well.”

“ Tom, please.”

“ You know it turns me on when you do that.”

“ What?”

“ Say please like that.” Tom kissed him hard, tongue pushing insistently into his mouth.

*******************

“ God, that’s a nice tight ass.” Tom gasped out, collapsing half on top of Ezra since the twin bed issued by the dorms wasn’t made to sleep two. “ USDA Grade A.”

“ Tom-”

“ I gotta go, kid.” Tom slapped his ass, ignoring the bleeding that still occurred, despite the three months they’d been together. “Finals to grade.”

“ Tom-”

“ Hey, don’t worry so much. Its not like I’m gonna stop seeing you just because you’re not in my class anymore.”

“ Its not-”

“ Never want to give up this ass.” Tom ran a hand over his ass again, and Ezra suddenly felt like the pain didn’t matter. The fact that he’d not come didn’t matter. The fact that Tom never went out with him, ignored him outside this room and occasionally Tom’s apartment, whenever the roommate was gone, none of it mattered. Tom never wanted to give him up. No one had ever wanted to keep him around forever before.

“ I’ll see you tomorrow?” Ezra asked, meeting deep blue eyes.

“ Sure, kid. I’ll need release after all these damn finals. Bye.” Tom was out the door, somehow looking as if he hadn’t just fucked the shit out of one of his students.

*********************

Christmas break was spent at Tom’s apartment, since his roommate had gone home. No classes meant all day was spent together, except when Tom went out with friends to the bars, or a movie or something. Ezra never went with. Occasionally, he went out separately, with the friends he’d made through classes who had apartments and were around for break. Tom didn’t like it, though, so Ezra kept it minimal. On Christmas Eve, Ezra had stared at the tree Tom’s roommate had put up. There was nothing for him, they’d agreed no presents this year. This year. There’d be other years, Ezra consoled himself.

“ Hey, I’m taking off, kid.” Tom opened the door, duffel bag over his shoulder, and a bag of presents for his family in his left hand. “Don’t burn the joint down, huh?”

“ I’ll be fine, Tom.”

“ I’ll see you in a few days.” The door shut. Another holiday by himself.

********************

“ Where you been?” Ezra jumped, not expecting his…whatever to be waiting for him.

“ The library. Come on in. I thought it looked suspicious, you hanging around here.”

“ Looking for you.”

“ Really? Did you need something?” Ezra asked, placing the books from the library on his desk. He’d read them after Tom left.

“ Yeah, about an hour ago.” Tom’s voice was hard, and Ezra glanced back at him. He hated it when Tom was mad. Reminded him, too much, of his ‘Uncle’ Craig.

“ Sorry, I have a paper to write in history.”

“ Sure. You were meeting that girl again, weren’t you?”

“ Amy? No. She’s in my Economics class, not history.”

“ Library run took an hour?”

“ I went with Derek, if you must know.” Ezra sighed. “We stopped at O’Malley’s for lunch.”

“ I thought I told you I didn’t like Derek.”

“ I do.”

“ You fucking him?”

“What?!”

“ Are you fucking him?” Tom asked, pinning Ezra against the closet door.

“ Of course not.”

“ I don’t believe you. Easy bastard like you…probably fucking half the guys on campus.”

“ Tom, stop it.” Ezra tried to ignore the hurt the words caused. He wasn’t easy. He’d slept with one girl and one guy in his entire life. Not exactly a busy record for a guy who was almost nineteen years old. Tom pushed him against the door, and kissed him harshly. Ten minutes later, it was over. Tom pulled out, and zipped up his jeans.

“You’re mine, kid. Don’t ever forget it. This is mine” He squeezed Ezra’s ass, and his other hand slipped around to the still flaccid penis. “ And this is mine too.” He crushed his hand shut, and Ezra winced.

Part Five

“You’re mine.” Chris gasped, as he came inside his lover. This man was too precious, too beautiful for any damn gunrunner to deserve the barest glance at the man Ezra was off duty. The gorgeous, loving, beautiful man who was Chris Larabee’s southern firebrand.

Ezra cringed at the possessive tone, then immediately felt horrible for equating the two. Chris was not Tom. Chris was possessive because he loved him, the person. He didn’t just love a tight ass that never needed to be taken out or talked nice to. Chris Larabee loved the person inside Ezra. “No one else, Ezra. Only me, only me.” Chris unknowingly echoed the words Tom had whispered every time he’d taken the southerner after that Christmas.

~~My ass. Only me. No one else, kid. Only me, only me. I’ll beat the shit out of you, and him, if I ever hear someone else touched you.~~

Tom hadn’t lied. He’d never gotten to Derek, thankfully, but Ezra had more than once paid the price for maintaining a friendship with his one gay friend. It had gotten worse each time…in a year long relationship Ezra had ended up in the ER three times. It had been Tom’s graduation from the master’s program that ended the relationship. Tom broke it off, the day after graduation. Slapped his bleeding ass, grabbed his clothes, and shut the door behind him with a short ‘nice fuck, kid’ and never called again. Ezra had not gone near another man until Chris, afraid that all men would treat him the same. He was just a fuck, no one you could take home, or tell friends about.

Chris was nearly sleeping when he whispered his possession of Ezra. He was wide awake though, when he felt his lover physically cringe away from his touch. Ezra had never cringed away from him. He’d never had reason to.

“Ezra? Baby?” Chris shook his sleep off, and really looked at his lover. He seemed smaller somehow. Paler, and was that blood? Shit! “Ezra, are you bleeding? Oh fuck, you are.” Chris could actually see a miniscule pool gathering on the wood floor under his lover. Had he…he had. Ezra was experienced enough that he was no virgin, but a dry entrance could cause bleeding even in very experienced men. “Ezra, God, I’m sorry. Baby, let’s get you to bed…let me take care of you. I’m so sorry.”

“ Chris?”

“ Ezra, are you all right?” The older man didn’t like that lost, confused voice. It was like Ezra didn’t know where he was, what was going on.

“ I thought…Tom.” Ezra felt tears pouring down his cheeks, memory stirred up unpleasantly.

“ Oh, my firecracker.” Chris was lost…who the hell was Tom? He wrapped his arms around the younger man. Ezra hardly ever cried, and it upset Chris more than anything when he did. “ Let’s go to bed. I’m so sorry about this, I can’t believe I-”

“ Chris, please. Just, let’s go to bed.” Ezra was tired, and sore. He didn’t even have the energy to wonder what set his lover off. Chris wasn’t like Tom, something had to have caused this sort of aggressive outburst.

“ I love you, Ezra. I never meant to hurt you. I-” Chris never finished, as Ezra laid a gentle kiss on his lips.

“ I know. I love you too.” Ezra pulled him towards the bedroom, before collapsing onto the large bed. Chris tried to discreetly check for bleeding, and Ezra smiled tightly.

“ Its stopping, Chris.”

“ I’ll never forgive myself-”

“ No, Chris! Please. Just tell me why…you’re never so…”

“ Cruel?”

“ I was going to say rough.”

“ Sure. I…damn it, I’m man enough to admit I was jealous. I’m a possessive son of a bitch, Ezra, you know that.”

“ Yes, I do. But who were you jealous of?”

“ Fuller.”

“ Martin Fuller, the gunrunner we just arrested?”

“ Yeah.” Chris shrugged, acknowledging it didn’t make any sense now. “You’re still…shaved.”

“ Does it bother you?”

“ No. Yes. Sometimes.”

“ Chris,” Ezra kissed his nose, smiling indulgently, “does it bother you? I can let it grow out, if you want.”

“ It bothers me that you had to shave it in the first place. Did Fuller actually see it, to tell if you’d shaved it? And why did you need to anyway?”

“ Swimmers shave, Chris. I explained that.”

“ Yeah, but that part is covered by the trunks. Damn well better be, or I’m gonna have words with Fuller.”

“ Chris.”

“ Ezra, I hate that you might have to do shit like that…be around men like that in crazy situations. I hate that an asshole who’s not worthy to shine your shoes might get to see you like this…so beautiful. I don’t want Fuller to see you, I want to be the one to see you like this.” Chris shrugged again. “I’m being too possessive again, aren’t I?”

“ I love you.” Ezra hadn’t heard anything so beautiful in awhile. It was awkward in word, but the meaning was wonderful. “And I love your possessive streak. I feel…loved when you get like this. Like I’m too precious to let go of.”

“ You are. God, Ezra, they’ll have to kill me to get me to let my hold on you loose.”

“ So, should I grow it out?”

“ Do what you want, baby. Its soft like this.”

“ Mmhmm. Feels nice too.” Ezra agreed, leaning back into Chris’ arms again.

Part Six

“ Ez?”

“ Yeah?”

“ Can I ask you something?”

“ Sure, love.”

“ Who’s Tom?”

“ He was my first.”

“ First guy?”

“ Yes. My only one, before you.”

“ Is he still alive?”

“ Yes.” Ezra cocked his head to meet Chris’ gaze. “That’s an odd question.”

“ Good. I can kill him then.”

“ Whatever for?”

“ Making you cry.” Ezra laughed, pulling Chris’ arms tight around his body.

“ Oh, how I love you. You can’t kill him for that.”

“ Why not? I want to hurt everyone who’s ever hurt you.”

“ And that’s a beautiful, honorable intention. Its unnecessary. I…don’t think of Tom very much.”

“ Just when I fuck you so hard you bleed.”

“ Well…yes, I suppose. He used to…”

“ Make you bleed? Ezra, is he the one who gave you that scar?”

“ Scar? Oh, no. THAT was courtesy of April, not Tom. Tom scarred the inside.” Ezra admitted the pain of his relationship with Tom for the first time. It had scarred, deeply.

“Who was he?”

“ My finance TA, freshman year in college.”

“ He slept with a student?”

“ That he did. Or his student slept with their teacher…however you wish to word it.”

“ Freshman…you were nineteen?”

“ Eighteen, actually. May birthday, love, I left high school at almost exactly eighteen.”

“ So, barely legal-”

“ You make it sound like I was a child.”

“ Ezra, you were only slightly older than Nicole.”

“ On a calendar, yes I suppose. I’d seen a lot by eighteen, Chris. I’d lived in four foreign countries, spoke a dozen languages, attended fifteen schools…I was hardly like Nicole.”

“ You were a teenager, Ezra. More boy than man, no matter what you say. How old was Tom?”

“ He wasn’t all that old, either.” Ezra wasn’t sure why he was defending the asshole, but he didn’t want to be a victim. It was as much his fault as Tom’s. “Twenty-four.”

“ That’s a big difference, Ez.”

“ Chris, you’re eleven years older than me. Almost double the difference between Tom and I.”

“ Its different when one of you is still a teenager.”

“ That must be the parent in you. Maude worried about Tom.”

“ Sounds like the smartest thing I’ve heard about her yet.”

“ She didn’t know we were dating. She never knew I was interested in men. She didn’t like me associating with him in general. Mother believed he was going absolutely nowhere, quickly, and that I did not need to be dragged down by such useless acquaintances.” Ezra had heard the speech every time his mother called for the entire year, it seemed.

“So, aside from the bleeding part, what’d Tom do? He must’ve been pretty rough.” Chris wasn’t sure how to say what he felt. Tom had to be real damn bad to make Ezra cry. Had it been Tom who finally hardened Ezra into the man who could survive Atlanta with hardly a twitch at the rumors and cold shoulders? Had Tom been the one who had convinced Ezra that sex with men always hurt, something Chris had battled for the first six months of their relationship?

“ He was in the closet.” Ezra hoped that could explain, but knew it wouldn’t.

“ So were you.”

“ Not entirely. A few good friends knew. Derek…he was possibly my best friend in college, was openly gay and encouraged me to be open about my relationship with Tom, at least after I was out of his class. Tom, didn’t want anyone to know. His friends didn’t know he was seeing me. His roommate never knew my name. I was the big bad secret in his life. But, he said he wanted me around. He never wanted to give me up.”

“ But he did.”

“ With flying colors. Its not like he ever loved me. I was just a nice tight ass to fuck, better than his hand and just as quiet. I was like the plant you keep around, it looks pretty, smells good, and never needs to be taken care of.”

“ Ezra, you’re not making me feel better about reminding you of him.”

“ God, no! You don’t!”

“ I did today.”

“ No! Not really. I just…I just was surprised at the roughness, that’s all. You LOVE me, Christopher Larabee. ME. You introduced me to your family…our friends know about us. You have no idea what that means to me.”

“ I’m beginning to. So, he broke it off?”

“ Not in so many words. He just left. Walked out after fucking me raw, and never called, never came back. And…and I was happy.” Ezra’s voice conveyed his surprise, having never realized that before.

Part Seven

“ Happy?”

“ I was free. Tom was possessive, wouldn’t let me go out. Not with him, and not with other people. I was his property. He was loud, uncouth, mean and angry a lot. He left, and I was out of a bad spot. It hurt, too, I guess. I’d believed he wanted me around. At the time, it hurt a lot more than it does looking back.”

“ Did you love him?”

“ No.” Ezra had been certain of that even at eighteen. “I liked being wanted. Tom was the first male, of any age, to tell me he wanted me to stay around. Mother’s friends, husbands, even her family, they just wanted rd of me as quickly as possible. I was in love with being wanted, Chris. I knew that then, but it didn’t help much.”

“ Didn’t you ever have a father figure, someone who was a guy, showed you the ropes of being a man?” Chris was puzzled. Everyone he knew, at least except Ezra, had had at least one man in their lives who took an interest in them, gave them an example of a good man to follow. Chris had been fortunate, it had been his father. Nathan and Josiah had their fathers as well, even if Josiah’s was more an example of what not to do. JD had mentioned Mr. Kopczick, the older man who lived next door to him growing up, who had been a grandfather to the young boy. Buck had had Mr. Larabee, from the moment Chris first brought his twelve year old friend home from the first day of junior high. Vin had Dr. Byron, who had taken him in when he was eleven, and introduced him to the Native American people of the reservations Doc worked. Chris had assumed the uncle Ezra spoke of once had done the same for his lover. “What about your Uncle Jeremiah?”

“ I met Uncle Jay when I was nineteen years old.”

“ I thought he was all gung-ho about family?”

“ Lord, he was. I’ve never seen a family as tightly knit as that one. I still talk to my cousins, even now that Uncle Jay and Aunt Mae are gone.”

“ So, why was Tom the first to want you around?”

“ Ah, but he was the first to tell me he wanted me around, that I could remember. Not the first to want me around.”

“ Huh?”

“ After my father died,” there was a heavy pause, as if the grief was still fresh, “Mother had a fight with my grandparents. They sued for custody, claiming Maude was unfit as a mother due to grief and inability to cope as a single mother. Mother won the case, mostly on the sympathies of the Judge who wouldn’t take her son from so young a widow. We left South Carolina, and changed names. She hasn’t spoken to my father’s family since. She told me…she said they didn’t want anything to do with us, now that my father was dead. That they hated us for him dying. I moved around a lot, and Uncle Jay said it took until I was in college for the hired private investigators to find me.”

“ Your mother is truly messed up.”

“ She didn’t want to lose me.” Chris thought maybe that was his lover still trying to convince himself, but he didn’t argue.

“ So, now that your mother is back on the top of my kill list, and Tom’s taken over second place, relegating dear April to third…is there anyone else I should add?”

“ Hmmm…how about James Donnelly?”

“ Head of your old team in Atlanta. Sounds like a good addition.” Chris agreed, beginning to drift off slighting as Ezra curled even closer around him. “Ezra?”

“ Yes, love?”

“ You never have told me about April.”

“ Hmmmm.” Ezra sighed, wishing he’d never mentioned her in the first place. Chris wasn’t one to let go, and he’d been gnawing on that bone for months now. “ It’s a story for another time.”

“ Really? What’s wrong with this time?”

“ Oh, I have other plans for my mouth than story-telling.” Ezra announced, pressing their lips together and lapping insistently at his lover’s lips until they opened. Chris moaned appreciatively as his mouth was invaded by a marauding tongue. The southerner shifted to put his knees on either side of the blond man, straddling flat abs.

“ I ever tell you how much I love the way your mind works?” Chris gasped when they finally broke for air.

“ Not yet today.” Ezra replied, making his way down the broad chest with little nips and swift swipes.

“ God, I love you, Ezra.”

“ I know.” It should have sounded cliché, but to Chris, the confidence in that short answer swelled his heart to near exploding. It had taken a long time to convince Ezra that he really loved him, but it was worth every effort just to hear those simple words.

“I know.”

The End
Continues in Thicker Than Blood