* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
The team quickly had the two men under their weapons, Nathan dropping down next to Vin.
"He's alive," the medic announced.
"Thank God," Chris said with the breath he'd been holding.
Buck pulled out the radio he carried, contacting Carmell, then he nodded to JD.
The younger man removed a flare gun from a holster on his web belt and fired off a shot. It soared into the cloudy sky and exploded, sending out a spray of red above them.
Josiah and Ezra, with Chris's help, lifted Vin to a seated position, the medic checking Tanner's pulse before starting an examination.
Five minutes later JD reloaded the flare gun and fired off a second round. This time the distant sound of an approaching chopper filled the air.
"JD, Ezra, stay with these two," Chris said, getting nods from the two men. Then, with Josiah's help, he lifted the unconscious man. Together they carried him to the center of the open terrain, holding him between them while they waited for the chopper to arrive.
"Hang on, Vin," Chris told the younger man. "You hear me?"
Vin wanted to reply, but he didn't have the energy.
As the Huey moved over to hover above them, the blast of the rotor blades lifted the snow up and sent it flying like a sudden blizzard. One of the Search and Rescue medics accompanied an aluminum litter to the ground, waiting until Chris and Josiah maneuvered Vin inside the conveyance. Nathan stepped up and hooked on a harness, riding up with Vin and the other medic.
Once they were in the chopper, the other crewman tossed out ropes. Chris, Josiah, and Buck stepped up and secured themselves so they could be winched up.
Chris stared at the underside of the helicopter on the ride up, willing Vin to live. Then hands were grabbing his arms and dragging him inside. He crawled across the floor of the chopper, joining Nathan, who was trying, without success, to keep Tanner lying in the litter.
Vin's eyes were wide, unseeing, his arms held up in a defensive position, his teeth showing in a feral snarl of anger or pain or maybe both.
Larabee reached out and grabbed one of Tanner's arms. How the man had even managed to sit up was a complete mystery to the blond. "Vin," he snapped, afraid that Tanner might injure himself further, or one of them, in his confusion. "Vin, look at me!"
It took a moment for the words to penetrate, but then the shaggy head turned and blue eyes locked on green. Confusion and fight were replaced by recognition. "Chris?" he rasped.
"Vin, lie down," Larabee said. "You're safe now. Let Nate and the medic help you."
The focus in the man's blue eyes faded and Vin blinked, his brow wrinkling. "Chris? What the hell are y' doin' here?" he slurred.
"Looking for you," Chris replied, getting hold of the man's shoulders and trying to press him back onto the litter, unsure if Vin could even hear him over the noise. Feeling the man's strength beginning to ebb even as he resisted lying down, Chris scooted closer, letting Vin's shoulder lean against his own. A violent shiver passed through the smaller man's body and his teeth began to chatter noisily.
Buck joined them, holding out a wool blanket. Chris leaned Vin forward and started to wrap the cloth around his shoulders, only to be stopped by Nathan.
"No," Jackson said. "His clothes are too wet."
"What?" Chris asked the medic.
Buck maneuvered in behind Chris, speaking in his ear to overcome the noise even as he settled a helmet on Larabee's head so he had access to the mike inside it. "Nate says he's too wet."
"We have to get those clothes off him, get him warmed up before he goes hypothermic," Nathan said when Chris could hear him.
The Search and Rescue medic nodded. "We'll be in Rollinsville in twenty minutes, but this won't wait."
Larabee nodded his understanding, he and Buck going to work, removing Vin's jacket, flannel shirt, and thermal undershirt while Nathan used the knife he found on Tanner's belt to cut the man's wet jeans off.
Vin tried to help, but he was shaking too much to coordinate his movements and he finally gave up, allowing the others to do the work for him. Watching Chris through slitted eyes, he noted the concern on the man's face and wished he had the energy to tell him not to worry. He wasn't going to die. He'd never hurt him like that...
Buck gasped when he saw the large purple bruise on Vin's ribcage. "Damn, Junior, that had to hurt!" The various scars that were also revealed made them all acutely aware of the man's uncertain past.
Nathan grunted, saying, "Looks like you might have cracked a few ribs there, Vin." The sound of chattering teeth was his only reply.
His wet clothes off, Vin shivered more even as they wrapped the wool blanket tightly around him. Buck and Chris stripped off their parkas, draping them over Vin's chest and his back, then Larabee moved in behind him, pulling the shaking man back against his chest and wrapping his arms around him, careful not to put too much pressure on the injured ribs.
Josiah and Nathan busied themselves rubbing down Vin's legs beneath the blankets, Buck working on the man's arms, all of them using friction to warm his extremities. Vin gasped and yelped when one of them got too close to the bullet wound.
"Hang in there," Chris said into Tanner's ear. "We've come too far to lose you now, you hear me? Besides, we're just getting used to having you around."
Tanner grunted in reply. He could hear the fear in Larabee's voice and understood all too well what the man wasn't saying.
"How does he do it?" Nathan asked, shaking his head, although only Buck, who was kneeling next to him, was able to hear him since he'd been too busy to put on one of the helmets.
"What?"
"Where does he find the strength?" He knew the kind of pain the man must be in, and it must have been terrible, being out here alone all night...
"Hell, Nate," Buck said seriously, "when you've walked through hell as many times as he has, there isn't much left that'll kill a man."
Nathan looked at Vin, realizing that he had walked through a few hells of his own. He nodded. "Sometimes I forget he's older than he looks."
Buck reached out and squeezed Jackson's shoulder. "Don't you worry; it's just a little exposure, a few ribs, and a bullet hole in his leg. He'll be back to work by the time the holidays are over. You watch."
Nathan nodded and silently prayed the ladies' man was right as he watched Vin slip back into unconsciousness.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
A short while later
11:10 a.m.A chopper landing near the sheriff's station in Rollinsville caused quite a stir in the small community. People came out of stores and their homes, lining the street as Josiah and Chris jumped out of the Huey first.
While Josiah arranged for the pilot to return and pick up the two men and Ezra and JD, Chris concentrated on finding the sheriff. He flashed his ID and gave the man a hasty explanation for their unconventional landing site.
Nathan and Buck carried the litter off with the Search and Rescue crew's help, Vin unconscious. Jackson demanded the location of the hospital.
The sheriff blinked, not knowing who to respond to first. ATF agents? Murderers? Hospitals?
Buck saved him the trouble, grabbing a deputy and piling back into the chopper, Carmell lifting off before the sheriff could order his man to go along.
Chris reached out and grabbed the lawman's arm. "He asked you where the hospital is!"
"We don't have a hospital – too small," he replied, still shaken by the sudden invasion of his peace and quiet.
"What about a doctor?" Nathan asked, his fear beginning to climb.
The sheriff pointed to a small building on the opposite corner. "That's the clinic, but Dr. Gables is down in Boulder – took a little girl down to have her tonsils out. He won't be back until later today, maybe tomorrow, depending on the weather."
"What do you do if someone gets hurt?" Nathan stormed, unwilling to believe they might lose Vin to a lack of medical aid.
The sheriff turned to his deputy. "Carl, go get Emma Spender and bring her to the clinic. I'll go open it up." He turned back to the others. "Come on, let's get your man inside. Emma's a nurse; a good one. She'll help you. Maybe we can get Dr. Gables back, too."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Once inside the clinic, Nathan took over. Having put himself through college as an EMT, his expertise was the closest thing to a doctor's they had for the moment. Jackson waited while Josiah rubbed the examination table down with alcohol, then draped it with a sterile sheet from the supply cabinet. After stripping Vin's wool blanket off, he and Chris settled the man on the table, covering him with fresh blankets that Josiah pulled off the four beds in the small clinic ward.
Nathan was taking Vin's blood pressure when the door swung open to admit a woman in her late-fifties. She gave the collection of worried faces a once-over as she walked to the exam table. Looking down at Tanner, she frowned at the man's ashen complexion.
"Who's who?" she asked, glancing around at the others as she stepped over and began to wash her hands at the sink.
"Nathan Jackson," the medic introduced himself. "Chris Larabee and Josiah Sanchez. We're ATF out of Denver."
She looked down at Vin, asking, "Friend or foe?"
"Friend," Josiah replied. "He's one of our team."
Removing a set of keys from her pocket, Emma fumbled for one in particular, and then handed it to the big profiler. "There's a storage closet in the back with a couple of space heaters. Go bring them in here."
Josiah nodded and disappeared.
"What's his BP?" she asked the medic.
"Ninety-five over sixty," Nathan said. "Pulse is one-ten and thready. Respiration's twenty and shallow."
The woman nodded, absently tucking a wayward strand of sliver-streaked auburn hair behind her ear. Chris couldn't help smiling thinly. She looked like the archetype for gingerbread-baking, sweet-tempered grandmothers.
Reaching under the blankets, she found Vin's arm and pulled out his hand to check his nail beds. With a satisfied nod she returned his arm to the warmth under the blankets.
Josiah returned with the heaters and she directed him to set the taller one at the foot of the table, and to slide the long, low model under it. He did, turning them on once they were in place and plugged in.
Vin's shivering dropped off quickly, but he continued to tremble occasionally under the blankets, although, as the heaters continued to warm the air, that too finally subsided.
With a short series of directions, Emma had Nathan establish a double IV. That done, she nodded to the medic to help her as she checked the graze on Tanner's head, then folded back the blankets to start at the man's neck and begin a thorough examination from the top down. When she finished, she headed for one of the cabinets.
"First we get the easy ones cleaned up, then we tackle the hard ones," she announced.
"What can we do?" Chris asked softly, hating the feeling that he was merely in the way.
The older woman glanced over her shoulder. "Why don't one of you go across the street to Marylee's and get us all some coffee."
Josiah looked at Larabee, saying, "You stay."
Chris nodded and the big man headed out of the clinic.
"And you two can help me," she concluded, speaking to Nathan and Chris. "My arthritis won't let me work like I used to, but it can't take the knowledge away, so I'll tell you what to do, and you'll do it – deal?"
The two agents nodded and Chris reevaluated his first impression of the woman. She might look like a kindly grandmother, but she acted and sounded more like a drill instructor and he wondered if she'd ever served in the military.
Removing a bottle of antiseptic, she handed it to Chris. "You clean that scalp wound, then we'll wrap it up. He might have a mild concussion, so go grab another pillow and stick it under his head to get it elevated a little more."
She leveled her gaze on Nathan, green eyes softening slightly. "You can move the portable x-ray over here for me so we can take a look at his skull and those ribs, make sure nothing's broken…"
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
"Well, there's a piece of good news," the woman said, smiling at the developed x-rays. "No skull fractures and no broken ribs, either – lucky man."
"Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Spender, is it?" Larabee asked her.
"Yes, but why don't you call me Emma."
Chris smiled. "All right, Emma. I'm done here."
She walked over to Vin and helped Chris as he covered the graze and wrapped more than enough gauze around it to keep the dressing in place.
Josiah knocked on the door, then stepped inside to drop off the coffee, explaining that he was going to go see the sheriff and wait for the others to get back.
Emma accepted one of the cups and took a sip. "Ah, that hits the spot. Now, on to the rest, gentlemen."
Returning to the unconscious man, she directed Nathan to lift the blankets off Vin's legs. She probed the swollen ankle first. "Nathan, bring the x-ray over here and get a picture of the ankle as it is now. I'm almost sure it's just a nasty sprain, but there's no use taking any chances. Chris, I'll need your help," she told Larabee.
While Jackson set up and took the x-ray, Emma led Chris to the back room. She pointed to a surgical bundle on one shelf in the opened closet. "Take that, and wheel that cart out while you're at it."
"Yes, ma'am," he said.
The old woman chuckled. "I haven't heard that in a few years."
"Excuse me?"
"'Ma'am.' I was an Army nurse, started back in Vietnam, when I was too young to know better, and I stuck with it."
Larabee smiled. "Have to admit I was wondering if you were ex-military."
"Oh?"
"Most of us were in the service at one time or another. Let's just say that the way you took control reminded me a little of a few DIs I've met. A lot, actually."
She smiled, returning to the grandmother image. "I see. Well, I'll take that as a compliment," she said as they walked the equipment back to the treatment room.
"Sounds like you've had an impressive career," Larabee said as they rejoined Nathan, who was developing the ankle X-ray.
"Yes, I guess I did. I retired a full colonel several years ago, married an old high school sweetheart who was a widower, and we've had ourselves a quiet retirement here."
"We would've preferred not to interrupt your holidays like this," Chris told her.
"The ankle looks good," Nathan announced, holding up the film.
She looked at the x-ray. "True enough. We'll immobilize it, and then there's just one more thing left to do."
"The bullet," the medic agreed, nodding.
"It has to come out, and we need to irrigate the wound to reduce the infection. My fingers aren't up to that kind of work, I'm afraid." She looked Nathan squarely in the eye. "Are you up to it, son?"
He nodded. "I'm not a doctor, but I've patched these guys up enough times to stay in pretty good practice."
Emma rested a hand on Jackson's shoulder. "Why did I think you might say that?"
Nathan grinned back at her.
Handing the medic a cup of coffee, she motioned to him to drink it. "I know this won't be easy. It never is when it's someone we care about, but you'll do just fine. So, drink up, get warm, and then we'll get that leg cleaned up. We don't want the infection to get too far ahead of us."
"Yes, ma'am."
Emma smiled and patted his shoulder again. "Chris, we'll need your help as well."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
It took a half-hour to prepare and twenty minutes to complete the procedure, and Chris was more than thrilled when the surgery was finally over. While Nathan had been able to focus on the task at hand, detaching his work from the body he was doing it on, Larabee hadn't been so lucky. He had been put to use holding Vin still while Nathan worked, Emma helping Jackson by keeping the area free of blood and delivering calm, straightforward instructions each step of the way.
Only two sounds filled the room while they worked – Tanner's breathing and the old woman's steady voice. Vin awoke almost as soon as Nathan began, but was able to hold still for the most part, thanks to a local anesthetic that deadened the pain. Still, natural reflexes still gave Chris plenty to do, and he exerted a great deal of energy to keep Vin as immobile as the old nurse demanded.
When they were finished, Emma wiped the sweat from Vin's face and waited for Nathan to tell her the man's new vital signs.
"BP is one-ten over ninety, pulse one-hundred, but stronger, and respiration's twenty-four." He looked down at Vin, who had opened his eyes. "You hang in there, Vin. You're going to be just fine." Then he looked over at Chris and said, "If you don't mind, I'd like to grab a bite to eat. I hate to admit it, but I'm starving and I'm starting to feel a little shaky."
"Go ahead," Chris told him with a grateful, if thin, smile.
Vin reached up, catching the medic's arm before Nathan could turn away. "Thanks, Nate," he breathed airily.
Jackson grinned down at him. Vin was going to be fine, thank God. "You're welcome. Just wait 'til you see how I stitched my initials into your leg. It's a real work of art. The others are going to be jealous."
Vin blinked, looking up at Nathan. "Ah hell, Nate, why'd y' go an' do somethin' like that?"
"It's a reminder," Nathan said sternly, but the twinkle in his eyes gave his real feelings away, "so you'll stay out of trouble the next time."
"Antibiotics will fight the infection, and the electrolytes will help you feel better," Emma told the injured man. "I'll have the Sheriff contact Dr. Gables so he can bring some more blood back from Boulder. The rest is up to you, son," she told him. She looked over at Chris, adding, "I don't think this will slow him down too much."
"Colonel Linsey?" Vin whispered softly, his eyes drooping.
Emma looked down at him, surprised, then she smiled and laughed softly. "Ah, now I remember…"
"What?" Chris asked her as Nathan closed the door behind him.
Vin's eyes fell closed as she stared down at him, remembering. "Corporal Tanner," she said softly, then reached out and patted his cheek. "Get some rest, dear."
"Do you know Vin?" Chris asked her, surprised.
"I met him several years ago, not long before I retired. But he was in the Army then, not the ATF."
"Airborne Rangers," Chris said, nodding.
Emma nodded. "That's right. He was just back from a covert operation…" Her voice dropped slightly as she was caught up in the memories. "It was close to Christmas then, too, as I recall, and we'd seen a lot of activity." She walked over to the only chair in the room and sat down, taking a sip of her now-cold coffee.
Chris slid down to sit on the floor, his back pressed up against the cabinets.
"Our field hospital had been going straight for close to twenty-four hours. We managed to save most of them, but thanks to budget cutbacks and retention issues, there weren't enough nurses to sit with the dying and work on the ones we could save."
She set her cup aside and gave Chris a shaky smile. "For a few hours it felt like I was back in Vietnam again. That was the worst…"
Larabee glanced over at the sleeping man, whishing he knew more about Vin's past. He knew a lot of it had probably been pretty bad, and maybe Vin preferred to just put it all behind him, but he couldn't help feeling that maybe it was just that he still didn't trust them enough to share it with them. He looked over at the older woman when she began to speak again.
"We got word that two squads had been caught in an ambush and they were bringing them to us. By the time they arrived, four were already dead. We looked the others over and two went in to wait for the next available surgeon; the rest waited for a nurse since they were ambulatory. But there were two others who were past our ability to help… and one last young man. I asked him if he was hurt and he shook his head. He was trying so hard to be brave, but I could see the fear in his eyes."
"Vin?" Chris asked softly, glancing from the old woman to the sleeping man.
She nodded. "He followed me straight into the triage tent. I tried to throw him out, but he said he had to see one of the men from his unit. He knew why those last two hadn't been take in and, to be honest, I was just too tired to argue with him.
"He went over to his squad members and sat with them, talking to them, until they were gone. He held their hands and listened to what they wanted him to write to their parents or wives, and I think he probably carried out those requests."
"I'm sure he did," Chris said softly. Vin was as loyal as they came, once he let someone into his heart. It was getting inside that seemed to be the trick. How he'd managed it so easily, he wasn't sure, but he knew he had.
"After they died, he stayed. We were getting another wave of wounded in and everyone was dead on their feet, but he never faltered. When I didn't have the energy to stand any longer, he helped me to a chair and found me some coffee, somehow.
"He looked so damn young… so very, very damn young. A child, really, and I remember watching him, wanting to cry because no one that young should have to do or see the kinds of things he was, but I couldn't, I just couldn't. It was selfish, I know, but I was so relieved that I wasn't alone at that moment I just couldn't cry. That's when I knew it was time to start thinking about retirement."
Emma pushed a single tear off her daintily-wrinkled cheek. "It wasn't until it was over that I found out he'd taken a piece of shrapnel to the lower back, just above his hip. He must have been in agony, but he never said a word, never made a move that gave away his injury. We never would've known about it at all if he hadn't passed out in the mess tent."
Chris shook his head and grinned. "That sounds like Vin all right. I can see why you remembered him," he added, his tone affectionate.
"A man like that is hard to forget," she agreed. "Oh, but you've only heard half the story."
She fell silent when a knock sounded on the door and Josiah leaned in, announcing, "Sorry to interrupt, but I thought you could use some fresh coffee." He entered and handed over the two cups, saying to Chris, "The others are back with the bastards who did this. Carmell had to take off; there's a front coming in."
"Thanks," Chris said, and when he saw the older man looking worriedly at Vin he added, "He's doing fine. Tell the others he'll be fine. Nathan's getting a bite to eat; why don't the rest of you do the same."
Josiah nodded and left.
"What happened next?" Chris asked her when they were alone again.
"He had a two-day stay with us that first time, then returned to his unit. I never expected to see him again, but I did, just about a year later, the same year I retired.
"We received word that a Ranger unit had gotten pinned down coming back from a mission. They were taking heavy fire and others were going in to pull them out.
"We didn't know exactly what to expect, so we did what we always did, and prepared for the worst. My people were ready when they arrived. None of us could believe our eyes when we saw those boys climbing off the choppers under their own power. We knew we were watching a miracle, and the soldiers looked as surprised about it as we did. I kept hearing: 'He really did it,' or 'He got us out, just like he said he would.'
"You have to understand, it really was a miracle. Oh, they had injuries, but they were ambulatory. I counted seventeen, which left three unaccounted for.
"At first I thought they must be KIAs still in the chopper, but then two of our medics pulled out a man, laid him on a gurney, and rolled him to the surgery. That left two, and that's when I saw my scrappy little corporal again."
Emma stood and walked over to Vin. She felt his cheek for fever, but his skin was still cool. She smiled down at the sleeping man, then returned to her seat, took a sip of the fresh coffee, and continued. "He was holding a boy who couldn't have been a day over eighteen. He and the medics maneuvered the boy onto a second gurney, but he didn't move away. I didn't think much of it at first. They headed for the surgery and I yelled at him to get out of the way so my people could work.
"The look I saw in his eyes is something I've never forgotten. That injured boy was just like the ones he'd sat with before – same age, same innocence and potential wasted…"
She shook her head and took another sip. "In the attack, a mortar had torn this boy's throat open, severed the vein. He had reached in and was holding the vein closed, which was all that had kept the boy from bleeding to death. If he'd let go when I yelled at him, that child would've died on the gurney.
"I think he thought I was going to classify the boy as 'no-hope,' and the pain in his eyes shook me like an earthquake. And, to be honest, I might've. But we went into surgery and when they got a clamp on the vein I took him out. He actually thanked me for giving the boy a chance." She laughed sadly, shaking her head. "He gave that boy a chance, but, sadly, it wasn't enough. There was brain damage and Private Adam Silverstein died on the table, but it wasn't because he'd bled to death."
"How did Vin take the news?" Chris asked her, already knowing the answer.
"I found him in our little makeshift chapel. I think he knew Private Silverstein was going to die. He told me Adam was Jewish and asked me if his God would mind if he said a prayer for him. I said no, that I didn't think God minded, and that seemed to satisfy him. He said his prayer, saluted my eagles, and walked out. That was the last time I saw him… until today. It looks like he's done well for himself."
Chris nodded. "He's found his place."
"Good," Emma replied, "we all need someplace to belong, especially this time of year… Someone with a heart like his… Is he married?"
Chris smiled at that. What was it about older women and Vin? He'd managed to wrap Nettie around his little finger, and Colonel Linzey – or rather Mrs. Spender now – as well from the looks of it. "No, he isn't married."
"Someone special?"
Chris shook his head, frowning slightly. He'd never stopped to think about the fact that Vin didn't have anyone special in his life, no one like Rain for Nathan or Casey for JD. Hell, Ezra knew how Inez felt about him, even if he wasn't ready to do anything about it yet… But not Vin… Why was that?
Although it wasn't as if Vin seemed unhappy. He didn't mope the way Josiah did sometimes. And he didn't complain the way Buck did if he couldn't find a date for Friday night. Vin seemed content with his life just the way it was. Hell, most weekends he spent his time out at the ranch. The others had even started calling the guest room, Vin's room…
A chill snaked its way down Larabee's back. Something had changed recently. Vin had stopped coming out almost every weekend. He'd pulled back, at work and off the clock. Nothing drastic, but now, thinking back about it, he could see the changes. But he knew for a fact Tanner wasn't seeing anybody.
So what was going on?
If he really thought about it, he could almost trace it back to that night at Thanksgiving… that Saturday night after the holiday. Vin had been staying out at the ranch, helping him clean up after the big meal they'd had on Thursday afternoon.
He could clearly remember that Saturday night, because it was one of the very few times Vin had talked about his past. He'd told him just a little about where he'd grown up with his mother… It had been enough to spark the hunt he'd gone on a couple of weeks later. The successful hunt that had netted him Vin's Christmas present for this year.
But after that night Vin had pulled away from them, from him, especially. And he just couldn't figure out why… But he was going to ask him about it, just as soon as the man was back on his feet again.
And he wasn't going to take no for an answer, and he wasn't going to let Vin change the subject, which he was a master at doing whenever things got too personal.
Chris settled back, his eyes feeling heavy. In the back of his mind he could feel a realization beginning to form. It was a strange feeling for a man who didn't usually spend much time thinking deeply about too much lest he uncover some painful memory that would have him wanting to climb into a bottle, although that reaction had basically faded away after Vin joined the team.
Then it hit him: Vin was happiest when he was with him.
And what the hell did that mean?
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Several hours later
4:45 p.m.Dr. Gables still looked slightly green from the chopper ride as he checked the drip on Vin's IV, and then stepped out of the treatment room to talk to the people waiting for him.
"It looks like he's going to be fine. I knew Emma would be able to handle this, and I really didn't want to leave Abby Newburn until I was sure she wasn't going to have any respiratory problems. Operations on asthmatics like her can get tricky sometimes"
"When can we take him home?" Chris asked, cutting the man off.
"Oh, tomorrow morning, I'd say. He should see his own doctor as soon as possible, and he'll need to stay on antibiotics for another ten days."
Buck smiled and clapped Larabee on the back. "See, he'll be home for Christmas, didn't I tell you?"
"Best medicine in the world," Emma said. "You boys take good care of him, or I'll come down there and give you what for."
"Don't worry, ma'am, we will," Nathan assured her. "Whether or not he appreciates it."
"Oh, and he wanted to see someone named Chris?" the doctor added.
Larabee stepped forward. "That's me."
"Keep it to ten minutes, if you would. I'd like him to get as much rest as possible before he leaves."
Larabee nodded and slipped into the room. Emerging a few minutes later he wore a half-suppressed smile on his face.
"What is it?" Buck asked him.
"Vin just asked me for a favor."
"A favor?" JD questioned.
"Yeah… go find a bagful of pine cones."
The agents burst into laughter.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Five Days Later, Christmas Eve Day
4:25 p.m.Vin sat in the office, his leg elevated on a small stool JD had managed to locate somewhere in the building. He had just finished his final report on the incident for Travis and, glancing up at the clock, he saw it was nearly time to leave for Larabee's.
A soft knock on the corner of his desktop interrupted his latest battle with the computer. "What?" he snapped, wishing he didn't feel so damned tired or snappish.
JD was standing next to him.
His voice immediately softened. "Sorry, kid. What can I do for ya?"
"It's almost time to go," JD started, obviously trying to work up to something more important.
Vin nodded. "Yeah?" he said, looking back at the computer and beginning to log out and shut it down.
JD chewed his lip for a moment before he asked, "Vin, are you mad at us?"
Tanner sat back, startled by the question.
Buck, on his way out of the cantina to drive Vin and JD out to Chris' for dinner - giving Larabee time to pick up one of the sniper's last gifts - stopped short of the door when he heard JD's question.
"JD, what the hell are y' talkin' about?" came Vin's troubled reply.
JD sank down into the chair across the desk from Tanner.
Buck weighed his ethical duty to leave the pair to speak in private against the need to understand better what had been bothering Vin since they had brought him home from Rollinsville. He stayed put to listen.
"Why would y' think 'm mad at ya?" Tanner asked gently.
"Not at me... not exactly," JD replied, his pent-up frustration already spent. Now he was a little frightened. "Not just at me, anyway, at all of us."
"I don't understand," Tanner said flatly.
Dunne sighed. "Ever since you got back, you've been... quiet, kind of withdrawn, even when you were out at Chris' ranch, working on the tree and stuff..."
Vin looked taken aback. "Uh, I guess I've just been doin' a lot of thinkin'," he explained, but it sounded lame, even to his own ears. He sighed heavily. "Ah hell, JD, this time a' year has always been tough for me. I guess I've been lettin' it get t' me more 'n usual, an' I really have been tryin' t' think it all through."
"So that's it, you've just been... thinking?"
Vin cleared his throat. It was obvious to Buck that he was holding something back and he wondered if Tanner would open up and tell JD what it was. The kid was the closest to Vin in age, so maybe some kind of peer-bonding was what the man needed.
"It's easier for me t' sort things out when 'm alone, so I guess that's why I ain't been such good company. But I ain't mad at any of ya, got no reason to be."
Okay, that was an honest answer, but it still didn't tell him anything. Press him, JD, Buck encouraged, crossing his fingers that the kid's natural curiosity wouldn't fail this time.
"Do you mind me asking what've you been thinkin' about?" Dunne questioned, and Buck silently cheered youthful curiosity.
Vin paused, clearly debating how much he wanted say. "This time 'a year... what happened up on the mountain... It all brought back a lot 'a memories..." He stopped, searching for the right words. "Made me do a lot 'a thinkin' about the past... 'bout who I am, and if I'm the right man for the job here."
Buck almost gave himself away with a sharp intake of breath, but he was saved by JD's near shout. "What? Vin, you're the best sniper I've ever seen!"
Wilmington heard Vin rise and knew the sharpshooter had taken up a position leaning back against the edge of his desk, looking down at JD, his arms probably folded over his chest.
"Don't worry, I'm not leavin'," he said.
Thank God for that, Buck replied silently. Why had it even crossed Vin's mind at all? I am definitely going to have a talk with him about this.
"Y' see," Vin said softly, using what the ladies' man had come to think of as Tanner's storyteller's voice, "while I was up on that mountain, waitin' for y' t' come get me, I saw this sign..."
"Sign?" JD echoed.
Good, JD, keep it up, Buck silently instructed the younger man.
"Yeah, uh, I know it sounds kinda weird, but the Indians believe that every animal carries in its spirit a certain kind of power. They call it their medicine. I got a visit from Deer."
"A real deer?"
Exactly my question.
"Yeah, a doe," Vin replied. "I think she gave my position away to Hank and his friend."
"What kind of, uh, medicine does a deer have?" JD asked, the confusion in his voice echoing that in Wilmington's mind.
"Gentleness... Unconditional love."
JD shifted, grappling with the still-confusing information. "And seeing a deer up there made what you've been thinking about... harder?"
Yeah, Vin, help us out here, would ya?
Tanner chuckled softly, the warm, rich sound startling the ladies' man; he heard it so rarely.
"No, I've just been tryin' t' decide what she was tryin' t' teach me."
"Did you figure it out?"
"Don't know, I think so..." He trailed off.
Buck decided it was time to interrupt before any of the others arrived, wondering why it was taking him so long to bring Tanner down to the garage and head out for dinner. He did not want to get caught eavesdropping. But then Tanner started speaking again.
"All m' life, the people I've cared 'bout most have... been taken away from me - m' mother, grandfather... the guys in m' Ranger unit. I think I was gettin' scared that I was startin' t' care too much for y'all, so I was gonna lose ya... I know it don't make a lot of sense, but I guess it comes down t' bein' scared."
JD nodded. "No, I get what you mean, Vin. I mean, I feel like that too, sometimes, but I haven't lost as many people as you have. But sometimes it scares me when I think about someone on the team getting hurt, or killed, but I think the friendships we have now are better than being alone, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do. Just took a mountain comin' down on me t' see it."
Me, too, Buck thought, then, taking a deep breath, he stepped into the room, stopped, and stretched. "Man, I can't believe I fell asleep in there," he complained.
"You're lucky you woke up," JD said. "We're gonna be late as it is."
Buck checked his watch. "Oh damn." He glanced at Vin. "You're comin' with us to Chris', right?"
JD was already up, handing Vin the cane he was supposed to use while his leg healed.
"Yep," Tanner replied, turning and laying the cane on his desk before hobbling off toward the door.
"Good," Buck said, taking a couple of steps to catch up with the man. He reached out, resting his hand on Vin's back as they kept walking. "It's Christmas Eve and a family should be together."
Vin offered him a thin smile and nodded. "Yep."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Later that evening
6:10 p.m.The centerpiece of dinner was Josiah's special lamb recipe, cooked in beer, and it was a huge success.
When he first arrived, Vin had been quiet, as usual of late, but, as the meal wore on, he seemed to relax - more than he had in several weeks - as if he really had found some inner peace at last.
Chris watched the man carefully as they rose from the table, each carrying a cup of coffee with them. They retired to the elaborately decorated living room. Vin was still limping, but it wasn't as bad as it had been the last couple of days.
Light from the blaze burning in the fireplace and the decorated Christmas tree cast the only illumination in the large room. Vin took a seat on the floor in front of the fireplace, resting his injured leg where the heat could help ease away some of the stiffness.
Chris took a seat in the recliner closest to the sniper, while JD and Buck flopped down at the two ends of one couch, Josiah and Nathan doing the same on the second sofa. Ezra took the other recliner, immediately leaning back and lifting the footrest so he could stretch out.
"That was an absolutely wonderful feast, Mr. Sanchez," Ezra complimented the profiler.
"That's for sure," Nathan agreed, patting his belly.
"Thank you, thank you," Josiah said, nodding and smiling benevolently at the group with his best fatherly expression. He bent over and picked up an old, well-worn case he had left leaning up against the end of the couch. From it he took a worn autoharp. Everyone, including Vin, leaned forward slightly in anticipation.
"I thought it might be nice if we sang a few Christmas carols before handing out an Eve present. Then we can all go off to our beds and wait for good ol' Saint Nick to pay us a visit."
"Awesome," JD enthused, causing the others to laugh. "What?" he asked, unsure if he should be mad or not.
"Nothing, kid," Buck said, leaning over to giving JD's leg a slap. "We just enjoy remembering when we were that excited about Christmas."
"That's right," Nathan agreed. "It was like magic."
"Still is, if you have any spirit," Dunne defended.
Chris saw the fleeting pain cross Vin's face and knew his memories might not be so magical. But he had every intention of making this Christmas one to remember. "What did you have in mind, Josiah?" he asked, knowing the big man's deep voice would cover the limitations the rest of them.
Sanchez leaned back and began strumming the instrument softly.
"Noel, right?" Buck guessed, grinning proudly.
Josiah nodded and began to play in earnest, the others' voices rising to join his as they worked their way through the song and then the twelve days of Christmas. They blessed the merry gentlemen, followed the three kings, and jingled bells for over an hour. After the first few songs, each found his voice, and the music grew rich and well-textured.
Vin remained silent, but he listened with a smile in his eyes. The impromptu concert was informative and he discovered that Nathan and Chris were both mid-range baritones, and that Ezra's clear tenor added an occasional ad-libbed note to the mix. Buck and JD paralleled each other in clear tenor tones, and Josiah, no surprise, was a baritone.
A myriad of suggestions flew from the group but they never stumped Josiah's fingers, the older man moving smoothly from one song to the next.
Ezra grinned broadly as he suggested, "Deck the Halls if you would, Mr. Sanchez."
The former priest nodded but, before he could begin, Vin pushed himself to his feet, saying, "Excuse me."
They all watched him go, the room falling into a tight silence.
"What do you think's wrong?" JD whispered.
"He'll be back," Chris said, hoping his words sounded more sure than he actually felt.
Josiah strummed the strings of the instrument and they began the song, although it wasn't nearly as full of gusto as the others had been.
Chris sang along, unsure if he was mad or worried, but both emotions faded when the song ended and Vin stepped back into the living room carrying a well-worn guitar case. Larabee smiled. He had completely forgotten about the instrument. Vin had brought it over one night not long after he joined the team, explaining that he didn't feel comfortable leaving it at his apartment, which was in a less than stellar section of town. Chris had invited him to store it in the guest room closet, and it had remained there ever since. He hadn't even been sure Vin knew how to play the thing.
No one spoke as Vin hobbled back to the fireplace, sat down and then opened the case and pulled the instrument into his lap.
"You play the guitar?" JD asked, his voice full of surprise.
"Ain't done it much in a while, so y'all will have t' bear with me."
"Well, well, well," Buck said softly, catching Chris' gaze. He winked.
Larabee grinned back at the ladies' man. Their sniper was full of surprises. "What do you want to try?" Chris asked him.
Vin looked up at Josiah. "D' ya know I Will Lead You Home?" he asked the older man.
Josiah thought for a moment, his forehead wrinkling, then he flashed a toothy smile at Tanner and started to strum the autoharp. The deeper tones of the guitar joined in and, after a few stumbles, smoothed out into a steady river of sound.
The older man began to sing, the others listening to the unfamiliar words that they still found resonated deeply within them.
Are you far away from home, this dark and lonely night
Tell me what best would help, to ease your mind
Someone to give direction for this unfamiliar road
Or one who says, "Follow me, and I will lead you home."
How beautiful, how precious
The Savior of old
To love so completely the loneliest soul
How gently, how tenderly
He says to one and all
"Child you can follow me,
And I will lead you home.
Trust Me, and follow Me,
And I will lead you home."
When they finished, Vin smiled. "You do it real nice, J'siah."
"That was quite lovely," Ezra agreed softly, afraid to break the mood that had settled over them like spun glass.
"Yeah, really nice," JD agreed, nodding.
"Where'd you learn that one, Vin?" Nathan asked the man.
The sniper cleared his throat, a blush climbing up to his cheeks from under his shirt. "I picked up a couple of CDs after Halloween, and it was on one of 'em is all."
"Something else you'd like to do?" Josiah asked the sniper.
Vin strummed the first few chords of a song, then began to sing, his voice a slightly hesitant top-range baritone. A few moments later, Josiah joined him.
The garment of life be it tattered or torn,
The cloak of a soldier is weathered and worn,
But what child was this that was poverty born,
The peace of Christmas day.
The branch that bears the bright holly,
The dove that rests in yonder tree,
The light that shines for all to see,
The peace of Christmas day.
A hope that has slumbered for two thousand years,
A promise that silenced a thousand fears,
A faith that has trammeled an ocean of tears,
The peace of Christmas day.
The branch that bears the bright holly,
The dove that rests in yonder tree,
The light that shines for all to see,
The peace of Christmas day.
Add all the grief a people may bear,
The total of strife, and the trouble and care,
Then put them in columns and leave them right there,
The peace of Christmas day.
The branch that bears the bright holly,
The dove that rests in yonder tree,
The light that shines for all to see,
The peace of Christmas day.
"That on one of those CDs, too?" JD asked Vin.
"Uh, no, not exactly."
"I don't recognize that one, either," Nathan said. "But it's real pretty."
"Yes, it was. Where is it from?" Ezra asked.
"Think I'll take the Fifth on that."
"Aw, come on, Vin, it can't be that bad," Buck cajoled.
"He's right," Chris said, then added, "You might as well tell us. JD can jump on the computer and find out if you don't..."
Vin sighed heavily, but he'd known he was going to be in for this when he went for the guitar. "All right, I'll tell y', but on one condition."
"And what's that?" Buck asked, winking at JD.
"That y' never mention it again." When all their heads had nodded, he explained. "The last Christmas I had with m' grandpa, we went t' visit a friend 'a his and she had three grandkids all 'bout my age. They had this new Christmas album, and they were playin' it over and over again. That song was one of the ones on it. I play guitar by ear so I guess I just kinda picked it up," he concluded with a self-conscious shrug.
"What album was it?" JD asked him. "Maybe we can get a CD copy to play at the office. Be nice to have some new songs."
Vin cringed and sighed again, louder this time, his blush getting darker. "We don't need a copy of this one, JD."
"Why not? I liked that one, too. That the only good one on the record? Which one was it?" Buck asked, getting a little frustrated.
"John Denver and the Muppets," Vin muttered.
"The what? The Muppets?" Nathan asked, breaking into a huge smile.
"No comments, remember?" Tanner countered, glaring at the men.
The others all laughed, but they didn't tease him any further. They would have plenty of chances for that later - after they had found a copy of the CD.
JD launched them into a rousing rendition of Rudolph and, when they finished, Vin cleared his throat to catch their attention. Six pairs of eyes turned to stare affectionately at him and he blushed slightly.
"Have another song I'd like t' do. Don't know if any of ya know it... I heard when I was in the Army... but I heard it first on that Muppet record," he added softly.
The others all smiled.
"What is it called?" Josiah asked him.
"When the River Meets the Sea."
"I think that's a spiritual, actually, not a Christmas carol," Josiah told him. "But go ahead, brother," he encouraged softly, seeing the younger man hesitate. "It still speaks to the season."
After the first few words, the hesitancy dropped away and Vin entered the song, voice and guitar growing stronger.
When the mountain touches the valley,
All the clouds are taught t' fly,
As our souls will leave this land most peacefully.
Though our minds be filled with questions,
In our hearts we'll understand,
When the river meets the sea.
Like a flower that has blossomed,
In the dry an' barren sand,
We are born an' born again most gracefully.
Thus the winds of time will take us,
With a sure and steady hand,
Where the river meets the sea.
Patience, m' brothers, and patience, m' friends.
In that sweet and final hour
Truth and justice will be done.
Like a baby when it is sleepin',
In its lovin' mother's arms,
What a newborn baby dreams is a mystery.
But his life will find a purpose,
And in time he'll understand
When the river meets the sea,
When the river meets, the almighty sea.When he finished, he let the last chord die away before looking up again. Chris leaned forward, patting him on the shoulder. "Thank you."
Vin smiled and nodded, dipping his head. "Ain't nothin'."
Josiah picked up with Silent Night and this time Vin joined in with the rest of them.
Later, when their voices were rough from overuse, Josiah set the autoharp back into its case, then stood and walked over to the tree. Bending down, he pulled out a bright red bag that was full of individually-wrapped gifts and walked back to the others. He handed out one present to each of his friends.
The men tore into their gifts, finding small but meaningful things that they had all desired sometime over the course of the past year. They all thanked the former priest, and then the guests stood, said their good-nights and headed home, knowing that they would be meeting back at the ranch again in the morning to watch the football games, open more presents, enjoy more good food, and each others' company. Rain, Nettie and Casey would also be joining them, and Mary, Billy, and Orin and his wife planned to drop by as well.
Chris, Josiah, and Vin were the only ones left when Tanner finally looked up from the small box he held, blue eyes swimming with tears. "J'siah," he breathed, "how'd—"
The big man nodded to Larabee, letting him know the gift had really come from Chris, then left, flashing a grin back at Larabee as he did.
Vin was on his feet again when the blond got back to the living room. "Hey, you're not going anywhere," he reminded the sniper.
"Chris, this necklace—"
"Just enjoy it, Vin," the blond said softly. "I'll tell you how I got it tomorrow, but right now you look exhausted. Go get some sleep."
Vin nodded numbly and limped off to the guest room, the gift clutched tightly in his fist. Chris watched him go, humbled by the depth of the gratitude he had seen in the man's eyes.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Larabee sighed, rolled over, and looked at the digital clock. He shook his head. It was just after midnight. He lay there for a moment, wondering if he'd really heard sleigh bells outside, then shook his head and snorted at his imagination. The only sound that reached him now was that of someone moving around in the living room.
Rising, Chris pulled on his sweats before going down to see why Vin was having trouble sleeping.
He found the man seated on the sofa, his gaze searching the dying orange embers, his fist still curled tightly shut. "You know, Santa won't stop if he sees you're still up," he said softly.
Vin's head turned. "Gave up on Santa Claus long time ago..." He paused a moment, then added softly, "...when he wouldn't bring m' mama back."
The honest reply caught Larabee unprepared. "How old were you, Vin, when she died?"
"Just turned five a few months before, but that was a long, long time ago. It's hard t' remember what she looked like now, but I can still remember what her voice sounded like. She had a pretty singin' voice."
"What happened after she died?" Chris asked him, dropping down on the other corner of the couch.
"Went t' live with m' grandpa - her daddy."
"But he died, too?"
"Yep, just b'fore Thanksgiving when I was eleven. Both of 'em, right before the holidays."
"Damn, that had to be hard," Chris said. "But you have family again now, you do know that, don't you?" he asked, turning the conversation back to what he hoped was something safe.
"Yeah, I know... An' it means more t' me than I can put into words."
Vin looked down at his hand, his fingers uncurling. He stared at the gift for a moment and then carefully held up the small, gold heart locket, letting it dangle from its thin gold chain. The locket was open, and inside was a tiny picture of a smiling, toothless infant on one side, and a small boy with the same smile on the other.
"Chris, how'd you get this?" he whispered, his throat too tight to speak any louder.
Larabee arched an eyebrow at the man. "What makes you—?"
"Chris, please."
The blond sighed and nodded. This wasn't something to be joked about. "You remember that trip I made to Amarillo a couple of weeks ago, to talk to Kevin Reynolds?"
"Yeah?"
Chris nodded. "While I was there, I rented a car and I drove over to Clayton, New Mexico."
Tanner's blue eyes rounded with surprise. "Why?" he asked. "Why'd y' go t' the little town where I was raised?"
Larabee leaned back and stared into the dying fire. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I guess I just wanted to see where you came from. Your file didn't tell me much, and you never really talked about your past..."
"Hell, Chris, I don't even remember the place. I was born in Dalhart, Texas, but then we moved to Clayton somewhere along the way. After Mama died I went up to Boise City, in Oklahoma, to live with Grandpa, but he took me back t' Dalhart after a couple of years. I ended up down in Amarillo after he died. But that still don't tell me how y' got this."
Chris nodded and said, "I was walking around Clayton, just getting the feel of the place... There was a pawn shop and I saw some old coins in the window. I went in to see what else they might have. The man who owns the place was real friendly. He was cleaning some jewelry while we were talking about the coins. That locket caught my eye because Sarah had one similar to it. She kept Adam's baby pictures in it, too. I opened it and saw the pictures... and I knew it was you."
"Y' couldn't know this was me. Don't look nothing like me."
"Same smile," Chris replied simply, and it was true.
"Come on, Chris, how'd y' know it was m' mother's?"
"I'm telling you the truth. I saw the pictures and knew it was you. Who else would've been carrying around your baby pictures in a gold heart locket?"
Vin snorted and dipped his head. "Okay, good point."
"I thought she'd want you to have it, so I bought it. I think she'd want you to have something else, too." Chris pushed to his feet and walked over to the mantle where an envelope sat. He handed it to Vin.
"What's this?" he asked Chris.
"Open it."
"Chris—"
"Just do it."
Vin slipped his finger under the corner of the flap and pulled it open. Inside he found three small black and white pictures of his mother when she was younger, probably no more than fifteen or sixteen. "How—?" he rasped, his fingers running lightly over the images like he was touching her for the first time in years.
"The pawn shop owner went to school with your mother," he explained. "After I explained why I wanted the necklace, who I thought it had belonged to, he disappeared into the back and came back with those pictures; said he'd had a terrible crush on her when they were in school, but then she'd dropped out and disappeared. The next time he saw her, she had a young son and she needed money..."
"She pawned the necklace?" Vin asked, surprised and a little hurt.
Chris nodded. "He told me it wasn't really worth anything, but he took it anyway because he knew she needed the money... to take her son to the doctor, and to give him a little Christmas."
Vin bowed his head. "We were both real sick that last Christmas... Doctor thought it might be pneumonia... Mine was, but her's wasn't. I remember she bought me a little plastic horse, a bay, with a cowboy that fit on its back... And we had ham for Christmas supper... It was best meal I can remember eatin'."
"I'll bet," Larabee said softly.
Vin lifted his head, meeting Larabee's eyes. "Thank you, Chris. This means more t' me than I can say. It was getting so it was hard to remember what she looked like..." He stopped, unable to continue.
"You don't have to say anything, Vin. I'm just glad I was there to see it."
Vin nodded and cleared his throat. "My grandpa told me once that every mountain has a lesson t' teach us, if we're willing t' listen. I listened up there, Chris. I listened, an' I learned."
"And what was the lesson?" Larabee asked.
"Acceptance... healin' of a sort..." His voice dropped. "I have a family again, and I can't run from that... Can't be so afraid of losin' it, that I don't let myself have it... That make any sense?"
"Yes," Chris said respectfully, aware of the rare vulnerability Vin was showing.
"Y' lost so much... I can't imagine," he replied softly. "Sometimes we want things t' be perfect, but they can't be... and then y' realize that maybe they are, in their own way... And y' don't have to be so afraid if y' just accept that things are the way they are..."
"What are you afraid of, Vin?"
"Ain't we all?"
"That's not what I asked."
"Guess I was afraid I wasn't going to be the man y'all needed me t' be... that I might let y'all down. I had some things I needed t' face... and t' remember... Good things, love and friendship, not the loss... not what can't be."
"Damned hard lesson to learn," Chris said quietly, nodding. "And now?"
"Now? Hell, now I think you're asking too damn many questions for this time of night."
Chris smiled. It was a start. There was still too much about this man he didn't know. But, little by little, Vin was opening up to him, to all of them. Maybe, just maybe, the day could come when they would be able to help each other over their nightmares. He hoped it did, and he knew in some part of his soul that it would.
"You're a remarkable man, Vin Tanner."
The sniper shook his head. "Naw, nothin' special about me."
"There sure as hell is." Larabee stood, offering his hand to Vin, who grabbed his forearm instead, allowing Chris to help him to his feet. "You're my friend."
Tanner snorted and shook his head, but he tightened his grip for a moment. Then he let go and took a step back, looking down at the pictures in his hand. "Wish y' could've met her... Wish I could've met Sarah and Adam, too."
"Me, too," Chris replied. "On both counts, but life isn't just about the past, Vin, it's about the future, too."
"Can't know what the future will bring," Vin replied. "Best to appreciate what we have now."
"Words to live by," Larabee agreed.
"Merry Christmas, Vin."
"Merry Christmas, Cowboy."
And, together, they headed for their beds. In the hallway they parted, each heading to his room, but the faint sound of sleigh bells echoed out of the night. They turned in unison, staring at each other in the dim light.
"Did y' hear that?" Vin whispered, his expression like that of a small boy's.
"Hear what?" Chris asked, trying to hide his own smile.
The man's expression returned to its usual stoic mask, but there was still a touch of magic twinkling in his blue eyes. "Never mind, I must be more tired 'n I realized. G'night."
"Good night, Vin. Sleep well." Chris watched the man limp into the guest room with a smile on his lips.
Returning to his own bedroom, Larabee lay down again, wondering just how long Vin would remain awake, listening for eight tiny reindeer landing on the roof, and knew it would probably be as long as he did himself... He realized then that he was actually looking forward to Christmas morning for the first time since he'd lost his family, and he knew it was because he'd inherited another.
But, even more importantly, he'd found Vin.
He turned over, trying to get comfortable, but sleep refused to come. He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Something was bothering him, but he couldn't figure out what it was. But he felt like he'd missed something earlier.
What? he wondered. Something with Vin...
He just wasn't sure. And a cry from the guest room cut short any other thoughts on the topic. Throwing back the covers, Chris headed for his friend.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
But then he was... someplace else...
Someplace familiar...
Someplace frightening...
His foster father, his belt in hand, was coming toward him. The man's huge hand flew out, striking him, knocking him to the floor. Then the big man was wading in amongst the other children, but they weren't his foster brother and sisters, they were his friends, but now they were just boys, just like he was - small and helpless when faced with the size and strength of the big man.
The belt came down with a crack as it was stopped by Chris' back. The blond boy screamed in pain.
The belt came down again, harder this time.
"No!" he screamed at the man, lunging up off the floor and launching himself at him, determined to stop him before he killed Chris. But he was caught, held away like he was no more than a pup. Then, shaken and thrown back onto the floor. The belt landed across his naked ass. He screamed...
His foster father leered down at him. He reached down to cup himself through the fabric of his pants, and Vin knew one of them would be violated tonight...
But then he was... someplace else...
Someplace familiar...
Someplace frightening...
The ranch. He was out at the ranch, with Chris. The handsome blond was working out in front of the barn, his shirt off due to the heat of the day. Vin felt his mouth go dry as he stared at the man. He stared at the way his muscles moved under his skin... The way the sweat was trickling down his back, into the crack of his-
"Oh, shit," he moaned softly to himself, feeling his cock beginning to swell.
And then Chris was in his face, calling him ugly names, asking him if he thought he was ever going to fuck him...
He pleaded for understanding, but Larabee was livid. He punched him in the face, knocking him down, stomping on him, like his foster father...
Then, Chris pulled his gun and pointed it at him... and slowly pulled the trigger...
Vin gasped, jerking away from the touch that woke him. Scrambling away, he collided with the wall hard enough to stun him.
"Vin!"
Hands were grabbing him, pulling him over and pushing him back onto the bed. Panic shot through him and he flailed at his attacker, desperate to escape, but his hands were captured and held.
"Vin! It's me! It's Chris!"
Chris? Oh, God, is Chris here? Where? Where am I?
"Vin, easy. Take it easy. It's okay."
Chris? But Chris was going to shoot him. He knew, and he was going to kill him... "'M sorry... Didn't mean nothin'... Never do it again, I swear," he managed to get out, his words tumbling over each other between gasps for breath.
"Vin, settle down," Larabee said and, a moment later, the light on the nightstand came on.
Chris stared down at the frightened man, worried and scared himself. Tanner's eyes were open wide, and he was pulled back against the mattress as far as he could get. "Vin?"
The other man's eyes shifted, meeting Larabee's for a moment before darting away. He glanced around the room. "Chris?" he softly. "What's goin' on?"
"I heard you yell... When I came in— You hit the wall. Are you okay?"
Vin looked around once more, reassuring himself that he was in the guest room at the ranch. He huffed out a breath and nodded. "Yeah, 'm fine."
Chris reached out, frowning when Tanner flinched away slightly. "Damn it, Vin, I'm not going to hurt you."
That caught Tanner's attention and he looked back, meeting his eyes again.
"I'm not going to hurt you," Chris said again, reaching out to check the side of Vin's head, relieved when he didn't find a lump. But the gentle examination set Tanner's chin to trembling and, moments later, his eyes filled with unshed tears. "Vin?"
Tanner shook his head and pulled away, pushing himself up so he could sit in the bed. "I'm fine. It was just a bad dream. Guess it hadn't let me go when y' tried to wake me up."
"You want to tell me about it?" Chris asked, concerned. Vin was pale, his body shaking like he was cold. "Was it what happened up on that mountain?"
The sniper shook his head.
"What then?"
"Ain't nothin'," he said thickly, looking away again.
"Vin, this wasn't 'nothin'.'"
"Don't remember."
"Bullshit," Larabee snapped, causing Vin to shy away a little again. "Vin, please."
Tanner shook his head. "Thought I'd put it t' rest," he nearly moaned. "Thought I's done with it. Thought family was enough..."
"Vin—"
Tanner's head snapped around and he pinned Chris with a penetrating stare that was full of pain and... longing. "But it ain't enough... I can't make it go away. I just can't. I tried. I really did, but I can't. 'M sorry. 'M sorry, Chris. I can't stop it. I can't..."
"Stop what, Vin?" Larabee pleaded, but a soft voice in the back of his mind was already whispering the truth to him. "Tell me what you were dreaming," he said thickly.
Vin shook his head, his lips disappearing into a thin line. He looked away once more, his cheeks coloring with shame.
"Vin, please."
"Ain't nothin'."
"Tell me," Larabee barked using his best command voice.
Tanner jumped slightly, but he shook his head.
"Damn you, Tanner," the older man growled. "Tell me what you were dreaming."
Vin shook his head, but the words came tumbling out before he could call them back. He told Chris about them all being children, and how they were beaten by his foster father. He told him about the enemy sniper, and how the team was killed, only to become his old Ranger unit, killed, but they weren't his unit any more, they were the Team. And he told him about being at the ranch, watching him, about his reaction and the resulting fight. He told Chris how he pulled his gun and killed him.
Larabee swallowed hard. "Christ, Vin, you know that wouldn't happen, don't you?"
Tanner shook his head even as he said, "Yeah, I guess so."
"No, Vin, listen to me," Chris replied, reaching out to rest his hand on Tanner's shoulder. "If that really happened, I'd never hurt you like that, and I sure as hell wouldn't shoot you for it."
"Y' might," the man managed to force out. "If y' knew the truth."
"And what's the truth, Vin? That's you're... what, gay? Bi? That you... care about me?"
That prompted a painful laugh from the sniper. "Yeah, something like that."
"Tell me. Tell me exactly how it is."
Vin shook his head, his shoulders pinching at his neck. "Don't matter."
"The hell it doesn't," Chris argued. "Don't you think you owe me the truth?"
Tanner reacted like he'd been slapped, jerking back and looking at Larabee. "What d'ya want, Chris? Y' want t' hear me say I fell in love with ya? Y' want t' hear that I dream about makin' love t' ya? Dream about y' fuc— loving me, too. Don't want to, but I can't make it stop."
"Why do you want it to stop?" Larabee asked, his voice rough with the emotions that were spinning through his head and his heart.
"Hurts too much," was the softly spoken reply.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Another snort of laughter and the sniper said, "Thought I'd found a family, didn't want t' loose it fer... sex."
"You weren't talking about sex, Vin," Chris replied. "Love and sex are two very different things."
"Most folks don't see it that way, not when it's two men."
"Am I 'most folks'? Is the team?"
That put a frown on Tanner's face and he ventured a glance at the blond.
As soon as their eyes met Chris said, "I want you to listen to me, Vin. I don't care if you're straight, gay or whatever, okay?"
Tanner nodded. "But—"
"And if you have feeling for me, I want to know. Not because I'm going to kill you, or hurt you, but because... Because, when somebody loves you, that's the most precious gift they can ever give you. You hearing me?" he asked, silently praying Vin understood what he was trying to say, because he couldn't seem to find the words he needed.
Vin nodded again, slower. He relaxed slightly, accepting that Larabee wasn't going to fly off the handle and hurt him just because he'd fallen in love with him.
"Never meant for you to know," the sniper said softly.
"Why? You honestly think I'd be that much of a bastard?"
"No!" Vin yelped. "I just didn't want t' ruin what I had."
"You didn't trust me."
"Yes. No. I—" Vin looked as confused as Larabee had ever seen him. "I don't know," he gasped out. "I's just so damn scared..."
"Christ, Vin," he said, moving over so he could pull the man to him, giving him a hug before he leaned back, reached out, and gently gripped Vin's shoulder. A moment later, he let his hand drift along the top of the man's shouler, stopping at his neck. He touched Vin's face.
"Chris, please," Vin whispered, shaking his head.
"Please what?"
"You don't have t'—"
"Vin, I want to."
The blue eyes went wide. It was impossible, he couldn't have heard what he just had, but Larabee's hand kept moving, touching Vin's cheek, his collar bone, the hollow of his throat.
Tanner groaned and closed his eyes, his body trembling uncontrollably.
"Lie down," the blond whispered.
Vin obeyed, his eyes closing for a moment, but not before Larabee saw the terror and the hope in those blue depths.
Chris looked down at the man who had so quickly become his best friend. Vin knew him better than anyone alive, had saved his life, had been there when he'd needed him, had made him laugh, cry, angry, glad.
Vin was his partner, his best friend, and the brother he had always wanted.
Vin was the one person he knew he could trust, completely and absolutely. He trusted Vin with his heart and his soul.
He knew he loved this man. But, was he - could he - fall in love with him?
The blond bent forward, his lips lightly brushing Vin's.
Blue eyes opened, locking on Larabee's green. He pushed himself up to a seated position again. And, reaching out, he traced a shaky finger along the blond's jaw line, then leaned in...
Their kiss began gently, each hesitant and unsure. Vin was stiffer, more frightened. Chris took the lead, reaching up to cup the back of Vin's head, relaxing into the sensations that were new and exciting. He felt like he was on a first date, but it also felt... right... good.
Larabee pressed harder and felt Vin's lips part under the assault.
Chris ran the tip of his tongue along the soft skin, slipping it inside where it parried with Vin's. Tanner groaned as the blond's hand came up to rest lightly on his chest, then slid down along his ribs, drawing Vin into a tight embrace.
They parted, Chris collecting Vin into a tight hug, holding him as he cried.
And Vin finally raised his arms, encircling the blond in an equally tight embrace. "Chris, please, don't do this if y' don't mean it. Please. It's okay. We can stop now-"
"Vin, I don't believe love between two people is wrong. Man and woman, man and man, woman and woman, what difference does it really make? If two people love each other, they want to share - everything, including pleasure. They get and they give pleasure, to and from each other. Sometimes that's not sexual, like we were, but it can be, right? That's what you want, isn't it?"
"Chirs, I'd rather die before I destroy what we have. You're the most important person in the world t' me, y' gotta know that. You're my best friend... my brother."
"I know. And you want to make me feel good, too. You want to make love to me. You want me to love you..."
Vin's eyes closed again. "Jesus, Chris. Stop."
Larabee pulled back so he could look at Vin. "And if I want that, too?"
"You don't know what yer sayin'."
"The hell I don't. I know exactly what I'm saying. And I'm not ashamed to tell you I'm a little scared. Making love changes a relationship, Vin. If you're not willing to commit—"
"I've been committed," he snapped back. "Ever since I saw you that first time. I knew then I loved you. Don't know how, or why, but I did. And it's only gotten worse over time."
That brought a slight smiled to Chris' lips. "Hell, Tanner, you make it sound like a disease."
"Feels like one sometimes," Tanner argued, a choked laugh escaping when Larabee smiled and laughed himself. "Ain't a damn bit funny, Larabee."
"No, I guess it isn't... Make love to me, Vin... right now, right here."
"I can't."
"Why? It's what you want. It's what I want."
Tanner shook his head. "Can't."
Chris reached out, cupping the other man's face and turning it to force him to look at him. "Now, Vin."
Larabee pulled back and stripped his flannel pajama shirt off, dropping it to the floor. Vin swallowed hard. He couldn't not obey...
He reached out, letting his fingertips run along the top of the blond's shoulder, then dipped down his arms and back up again. Goosebumps marked his path. Then, taking Chris' face in his hands, he leaned forward and lightly brushed the waiting lips. He paused, then repeated the move, only harder this time.
Larabee moaned softly. The roughness of Tanner's stubble was a new sensation, but he found it rather enjoyable. His lips parted slightly and the tips of their tongues timidly explored each other's.
Vin moaned quietly, as if he was fighting to keep from letting Chris know how much he wanted him.
Chris reached out, drawing Vin closer, letting them both ride out the white-water flow of emotions. The timidity slowly began to fall away, each man's passion growing stronger. The kiss became a subtle battle for dominance, both men shifting back and forth between aggressor and passive receiver.
Chris drew them over so they lay sprawled on the bed, their bodies pressed firmly against each other. The heat emanating from Vin's groin excited him more than he expected.
Larabee came up for air first. Gulping, his hands roamed over Vin's chest, his fingers beginning to tremble with anticipation. "Oh, fuck," he gasped when Tanner reached out, running his hand along the top of Chris' thigh. The hand paused, then moved over his hip and across the top of the waistband of the pajama bottoms Chris wore, finally coming to a stop when it was covering the blond's pulsing cock. He pressed himself against Vin's hand.
"Y' sure?" Tanner asked in a thick whisper.
"Stop asking and show me."
Tanner chuckled. It was a deep, bubbling sound that excited the blond even more and he moved, rubbing himself against the man's hand.
Vin reached up, pulling the pants off Larabee's hips, freeing his erection. Chris reached out and did likewise for his new lover.
With several deft moves the two men were free of their clothing and lying side-by-side, touching, exploring, seducing and giving in to the seduction of the other.
Reaching out, Chris took Vin's hardness in his hand, hefting the length and gaining a familiarity that he had only known privately before. "Gives a whole new meaning to the saying, 'big guy,'" he whispered and chuckled.
Vin blushed, pressing his face into the hollow of the blond's shoulder and kissing the man's neck. "Feels s' good," he mumbled. "Better 'n y' know." The kisses traveled down over collarbones and chest, back up to Chris' shoulders.
Larabee moaned, controlling the pace of Tanner's kisses and short licks by the tempo he set, rubbing up and down along the other man's shaft.
The arrangement shifted, positions reversing before either man realized it was happening. Vin set a slower, more relaxed pace, wanting the sensations that rose and fell in him to continue for as long as possible.
Reaching past the demanding erection, Vin gently cupped Chris' balls, kneading them gently.
Larabee moaned in reply, his hips circling with small gyrations. As Vin continued to work, he trembled, goose bumps rising on his skin. Closing his eyes, he groaned lowly, giving in to a new pleasure that threatened to overwhelm him with its intensity.
Pressing Chris down onto the bed, Vin shifted to the edge of the bed and set to work with a determined but gentle seduction. He was in control now, Larabee having given up any pretense of controlling their coupling. The absolute vulnerability Chris permitted Vin to see moved the sniper more than he could have imagined, and he repaid that openness by wrapping it in as much pleasure as he could give his lover.
But both men knew they were rapidly approaching the end of their endurance.
Sensing the blond's impending climax, Vin let his kisses trail lower, stopping briefly at nipples and hips before he captured the throbbing cock head in his mouth, dragging a startled gasp, followed by a low, feral moan from the blond.
Nibbling, pulling, and licking along the shaft, Vin knew he was only moments away from living a fantasy that had haunted him since he met Larabee. That fantasy was made complete when he felt Chris reach out and take Vin's own aching cock, stroking it in time with Tanner's bobbing head.
Their nearly frantic climaxes shook through the two men. Vin drank in the spent semen, surprised by its slightly sweet taste, while he came on Larabee's bare hip. They held on to each other, riding out the waves of pleasure until they ebbed into calm satisfaction.
Vin planted a last kiss on the softening cock, watching as it jumped slightly in reply, then shifted around on the bed to lie next to the blond.
Chris reached out, gathering Vin into his arms. And Vin responded willingly, moving to fit his body along Chris', holding him as well. After a moment the blond felt the warm sting of a tear as it fell on his shoulder.
"Vin?"
Tanner made no reply beyond gentle fingers that traced over the tanned skin or smoothed a slightly curled tip of hair at the back of Chris' neck.
"Vin, why are you crying?"
"'M sorry," Vin said hoarsely.
With a sudden rush Chris felt very inadequate. Had he given in only to fail in Vin's eyes? After all, Vin had done for more for him than he had for Vin. Had Vin expected more?
Chris hugged the man to him tighter. Several more tears rolled over his shoulder, tracing a path down his chest.
"Vin, please, I'm sorry. It'll get better. I—"
"What?" Vin pulled back slightly, his moisture-filled eyes locking on Larabee's.
"Vin, this is new to me. I'm sorry if it wasn't—"
A smile broke across Tanner's face. "Don't ever think that, Cowboy. I know it's stupid, but I..." He trailed off, more tears falling over his cheeks.
"What? Tell me, please."
"Just thought it was impossible... It was a dream... And now... it's real. God, Chris, it feels so good it hurts."
The blond smiled, then laughed.
"Told y' it was stupid," Vin said, reaching up to wipe at his eyes.
"No, it's not, Vin. I—"
"Yeah, it is," Tanner whispered.
"Let me finish. I was going to say... Hell, I'm not sure what I was going to say, but I wasn't laughing at you, Vin. I think that's... one of the nicest things... Damn it, Tanner, you make it impossible to think, you know that?" So he did the next best thing, he reached up and cupped the back of the sniper's head, pulling him down so he could kiss him, letting that speak for him.
Vin's eyes closed and he moaned softly, lost in the love he could feel in that kiss. And he understood. Chris hadn't been laughing at him, he was laughing because he was happy. He'd actually been able to make Chris happy.
They parted and Vin laid his head on Chris' shoulder. "Guess y' know I love you, too, huh?"
"Guess I do."
"Guess that makes this the best damn Christmas I ever had."
"And it's just the first of many," Larabee promised.
They finally moved several minutes later, getting up and cleaning themselves off, visiting the bathroom. Chris led Vin back to the master bedroom.
They climbed into Chris' bed, Larabee spooning up behind Vin so he could drape his arm over the man and hold him. "You gonna finally tell me about your past?" he asked softly in the darkness.
Vin thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't reckon it really matters all that much now, but I'll tell y' if y' want t' hear it."
"I want to hear it," Chris told him. "Merry Christmas, Vin."
"Hell, Larabee, y' ain't seen merry yet. I was just gettin' started."
And laughter filled the darkness...