Pairing: Chris/Vin
Disclaimer: Nothing related to mag7 is mine.
Comments: Missing scene from "Obsession", after Vin leaves the party. I wrote this as a practice piece for the amazing Farad, who makes writing s-e-x look easy.
It was just the heat of the moment. At least, that's what Vin thought at first. But then, after what came next, he had to believe it was something else - that it really did matter to Chris, that he really mattered.He was wrong, of course, though it took him weeks to figure it out. Even then, even after all the evidence painted a sign that a blind man couldn't miss, he still wanted to believe, he still hoped. But once Ella came along, there was no room left for hope of any kind. Not for the intimacy they once shared - or more accurately, shared once - not even for friendship.
So he was riding out in the morning. It wasn't Chris's denial that stung so bad - he'd expected that. It was the way Chris took sides without even thinking about what he'd told him; the way Chris had looked at him like he was the one who'd betrayed him. Wasn't the time or the place for an argument, and Chris made it pretty damn clear where he stood, so what choice did he have but to walk away? It hurt like hell, though, ending their year-long partnership - or whatever the hell they'd had - with nothing more than a tip of the hat. Chris didn't try to stop him, didn't tell him to hold on, didn't even say goodbye.
Vin sighed as he stretched out on his bed roll. Sleep had been slow in coming the past few weeks, when it came at all. He'd told the boys he wanted to sleep under the stars, but it really didn't matter all that much. He could have laid awake just fine in the bunkhouse, had it not been situated across from the main house where Chris was, where she was . . . where they were together . . . Bareback Larabee.
Damn Chris, anyway.
It all started with a simple gunfight nearly two months ago. Well no, that wasn't exactly right, Vin thought - it really started a little over a year ago when he caught Chris's eye across that dusty street. But it all changed in the aftermath of a stupid little dust-up that shouldn't have meant anything at all. Four men had come up on him and Chris a few miles from town, and without any words even being exchanged, they started shooting. The first two bullets nearly took his head off, startling Peso. The horse reared and before Vin knew it, he was lying flat on his back. By the time he caught his breath and got his bearings, Chris had wounded at least two of the gunmen, though all four managed to stay mounted and escape.
Vin was just about to climb to his feet and go after them when suddenly Chris was on the ground next to him, gripping him by his shoulders and shouting in his face, "Where you hit? Where you hit?"
Vin blinked and stammered, "Huh? What?"
But Chris didn't appear to notice his confusion. The man was far too busy peeling Vin's jacket off him and running his hands down the length of his arms and his torso.
By the time Chris got around to checking out his legs, Vin had gotten his wits about him and taken hold of Larabee's hands. "Stop, Chris. I'm not hit. I'm fine."
And now it was Chris who was confused. He sat back on his heels and blew out his breath. "What? Are you sure? The way you flew off that horse . . . I thought . . . you sure?"
Something shadowed Chris's eyes, something Vin had never seen there so it took him a moment to recognize it for it what it was: fear. Chris was afraid - for him. The very notion rocked him, and he fell back to rest on his elbows as he quietly repeated, "I'm fine. I'm not hit. We should go after 'em."
But Chris shook his head. "No. It's too late. It'll be dark soon."
He was right about that, but it didn't feel right doing nothing, so Vin started to protest, "But-"
And that was when it happened. Chris was suddenly right there again, his hands on his shoulders, his arms, his chest. "I thought you were hit," he mumbled. "I thought for sure you were hurt or . . . or . . . God, Vin."
Even now, weeks later, Vin couldn't sort out what happened next. One minute Chris was beside him and the next he was on top of him, in him. He knew what passion was - had given in to the heat of the moment himself a time or two, though not often. And never with such reckless abandon. No thought at all. But it was Chris, the man he trusted with his life; the man he'd wanted since they'd locked eyes on that fateful day when his whole life changed. It didn't take any thought, any preparation. No sweet words, no explanations, just pure lust and savage heat. He was on his knees with his pants around his ankles and Chris was riding him, and it was the sweetest pain he'd ever known.
Vin squirmed in his bedroll and threw his arm over his eyes, trying to shut out the light of the full moon along with the ache of the memories from that night. But like every night since that one, he was destined to relive it all again, feel it all again - Chris buried so deep inside he could feel him in his chest, his heart exploding with every movement, every thrust.
He'd been taken by men before, back when he was hardly more than a kid and not strong enough to fight them off. It always hurt, and he never could figure why a man would willingly give himself up that way. But he did it for Chris without a single moment of hesitation. And yeah, it hurt - burned like hell - but it also felt so damn good he thought he might die from the joy and wonder of it. He'd never felt anything like it, never come so hard, not with any woman or man.
It might have been alright if they had stopped there, if they'd just gotten up and rode back to town. Chris hadn't said a word the entire time, and Vin wasn't even sure his friend knew what he'd done or more importantly, who he'd done it to. Heat of the moment. But Chris didn't get up when he rolled off of him. He just laid there for a long time, his eyes closed as his breathing settled. Vin thought maybe he'd fallen asleep until he felt Chris reach for his hand.
Even then, it could have been fine if Chris had left it at that. But he didn't. He rolled up on one elbow and leaned in and kissed him. Or at least, Vin reckoned one would call it a kiss, though no one had ever kissed him like that before. Chris was doing things with his tongue and his mouth that no woman had ever done. No man, either, and that was when he realized that something spontaneous had just become something dangerous. The heat of the moment was long gone, which meant that something else was going on, and Vin knew he should put a stop to it. Feelings tied up with fucking would likely create a knot he'd never untangle - he was already connected to Chris in ways he could hardly contemplate. But Chris's tongue was in his mouth, his hands in his hair, and Vin couldn't have pushed him away if he had a gun to his head.
He'd always remember the way Chris kissed him that night. The attack on his mouth was just the beginning. Chris had slowly, tenderly undressed him as he moved that talented mouth across his neck, chest, stomach and thighs. And Vin had let him. Too stunned, too awed to protest or even to speak; he'd never been touched like that, as if his body was not just something to be used, but to be cherished. And just when he thought it couldn't get any better, Chris removed his own clothing and lay down on top of him.
Vin sighed again and rolled over to his stomach, trying to ignore the stirring in his groin as the memories continued to play havoc with his body. Lord God, he'd never forget that night. He didn't think he'd had it in him to go another round after Chris had gotten through taking him, though he wasn't surprised that Chris did. He'd always figured Chris for a man who could go on all night if properly motivated - though Vin still couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that he'd been the one to provide such inspiration.
But sure enough, Larabee was rock hard again as he molded his body around Vin's.
And Vin reciprocated by wrapping his arms and legs around Chris's back and thighs, until there was nothing between them, not even a sliver of air, and for the first time in his life he understood what it meant to be whole.
He couldn't quite take it in then - too much feeling and emotion and sensation at that moment for real thought - but he'd had weeks since then to ponder it. He didn't know how it happened, or even exactly why, but he knew Chris filled a hollowness inside him he hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge existed. Apparently the hole he'd spoken of to Mary because he couldn't read was only one of many. It was never hard to convince himself that he was a drifter by nature, a man who could easily befriend others of any race, but who didn't need or want strong ties to hold him down. But it wasn't true. He'd have left Four Corners long ago if it was. No, the truth was he liked being part of something; he liked caring about his friends and knowing they cared about him. He wanted to be Chris's right hand man - he wanted to watch Larabee's back and know that Larabee was watching his.
And when Chris took it a step further, when he moved on top of him and whispered his name in his ear, he filled holes that Vin didn't even know he had.
He thought it was the same for Chris, though Vin figured the holes ran even deeper. He knew he could never fill the empty space that Sarah left behind; wouldn't even want to try. But Chris had to feel it, had to feel something when he held onto him so tightly, so desperately. It couldn't have just been the heat of the moment any longer, not when Chris pressed his cock against Vin's and groaned his name a second time. Vin could only moan in response as he arched his back off the ground and melded even closer to the firm body that covered him.
It was crazy and stupid and wrong, and it was wonderful and incredible and right. Not just the heat of the moment; surely not when Chris came again, gasping his name a third time. He thought he'd never witnessed anything more beautiful in his life than Chris hovered above him, unguarded and more open than Vin had ever seen him. Pure bliss there, and deep contentment, too - he was sure he'd glimpsed both in those brief seconds when Chris opened his eyes and met his gaze. Vin held the vision for as long as he could before his own release overtook him with shattering intensity. He'd obviously underestimated himself - he could go all night, with just a little incentive from Chris.
But it didn't happen that way. After their second joining, Chris got up and cleaned himself off before casually tossing over his shoulder, "We should head back to town."
"But it's dark," Vin heard himself argue, hoping Chris didn't detect the disappointment in his voice.
"Horses know the way."
It was alright at the time - Chris acting like they hadn't just shared their bodies, their souls, in the most intimate way possible. Vin wasn't sure what to say or how to act himself, so he didn't mind riding back to town in darkness and silence.
It was even alright when Chris avoided him for a few days after, when he couldn't quite meet his eyes. Vin figured Chris had some pondering of his own to do. But when days turned to weeks and Chris never so much as hinted at what had happened, he knew how it was going to go. Like it never happened, like nothing had changed.
He told himself it didn't matter. He'd had other hurts in his life - other people, other friends even who had used him. After awhile, maybe he'd even convince himself that it was only sex for him, too; that the way Chris devoured his mouth and moved across his skin meant no more to him than it did to Chris. That was just Larabee's way apparently, the things he did with any whore who crossed his path when he was feeling randy. The things he did with her - was probably doing right now, in fact.
That thought was like a spear to his chest, and Vin sat upright with a groan. He decided he might as well get up and make a pot of coffee; there'd be no rest tonight. He was riding out in the morning, come daylight and not a minute after.
Buck had asked him to ride out with him after Chris, that night when he and JD went to Purgatorio; said there was a woman asking after Chris, and that their friend was likely drinking himself into oblivion, it being the anniversary of his wife and son's deaths. Vin had turned Buck down, knowing in his heart that it wasn't the right time for him to be around. Last thing Chris probably wanted or needed was a reminder that one night he'd used Vin to fill that empty space.
Vin was ashamed to admit it, but he had actually taken a small measure of hope in the situation. Maybe once the terrible day came and went, Chris would be ready to face what had happened between them, maybe even pick up where they left off. Put the tragedy behind him for another year and move on.
But the woman that was waiting for Chris was Ella, and it didn't take Larabee but five minutes to fall into her arms again. Vin shook his head in disgust. What the hell was the matter with Chris? It only took him one look to know she was no good. And now he'd even gone and gotten proof and Chris still didn't get it. It was like the woman cast a spell over him or something . . . Bareback Larabee.
Well, he was riding out in the morning. Leave Chris to deal with her lies and her schemes . . . her soft curves and warm heat. Maybe she was worth it, maybe she was that good. Maybe Chris howled her name when he came instead of whispering it in awed surprise like it meant something. And maybe he was a fool to believe that no one had ever said his name the way Chris did that night.
God, he was worse than a woman. Pining away for someone he knew he could never have. That was why he'd never let himself imagine or hope or consider the possibility that Chris could want him, too. Not until that night, and damn Chris anyway for giving into the heat of the moment. Damn him for taking up with a woman that was no good, and damn him for walking out on the rest of them. How had he put it? "After this job's finished, I'll be staying on here." Like it was nothing; like the men he'd been riding with for over a year didn't matter. Turn their world on end and walk away. With her.
How could Larabee be such a damn fool? Although maybe, Vin thought, the same could have been said about him - maybe it was said about him when he almost ran off with Charlotte. Hell, he'd be the first to admit that wasn't one of his smarter moves. But at least Charlotte was innocent - mostly. Ella was no good, plain and simple. She could only cause Chris greater pain in the long run, or hell, maybe in the short run.
Which was why, Vin knew at just that moment, he wouldn't be riding out in the morning. He'd best make that coffee extra strong because the only thing he'd be doing in the morning was riding back to Ella's and keeping an eye on Larabee.
So who was really the damn fool?
+ + + + + + +
It was just the heat of the moment. Surely Vin knew that. But the familiar pang of guilt hit Chris again as he watched Vin walk out the door, out of his life.
"Come sunrise then, I'll be goin' . . ."
He should've called him back - would've if his tongue had only caught up with his head. But he had only stood there in shock, trying to make some sense of what Vin had told him about Ella, and by the time he caught on to the second part - the part about Vin leaving - it was too late. Tanner was gone, and he'd be damned if he was going to leave his own party to chase after him.
He knew that part of it was his fault, maybe more than part. He'd damn near attacked Vin that night two months ago. He'd thought for sure he'd find Tanner bled out on the ground, and when he didn't, something came over him that he had no control over. Chalk it up to adrenalin, fear, heat of the moment, whatever it was didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. The fact was that he and Vin had gone at it, and it was good. Real good.
Chris chewed on his lip and tried to turn his attention back to the party. This wasn't the time or place to be thinking about what had gone on with him and Vin that night. His gaze naturally gravitated to Ella as Vin's warning resounded in his head. Why would she lie? She had no reason, no motivation.
Vin, on the other hand . . .
No, he couldn't believe Tanner would lie to him, either. Even though he knew Vin hadn't liked Ella from the start, even though he knew why. Because even though Chris tried hard to ignore that uneasy feeling in his gut, he knew that night meant more to Vin than it should have. He saw the look in Vin's eyes more than once: confusion, longing . . . hope.
But he'd tried hard to make it clear to Vin - without using words, of course - that what happened that night could never happen again. It had nothing to do with Vin being a man. Hell, Chris would be the first to admit that he took his satisfaction whenever he needed it, wherever he could find it. It was only sex, anything else died with his wife. That's what he told himself, anyway, and that's what he believed . . . until Vin.
The music seemed too loud all of the sudden, the air thick with smoke. He managed to slip out the side door without being noticed, gulping in the fresh air as his thoughts continued to spin.
Vin wouldn't lie. No matter how he felt about him, Chris knew it just wasn't in his friend to make up something vicious about anyone, including Ella. No, Vin wouldn't resort to schemes and lies to keep him in his life. But would Ella?
No doubt about it, both of his lovers - he tripped over the word - Ella yes, but Vin? - were wildcats when they wanted to be. Neither one would back out of a fight for what was theirs. But that was where the similarity ended. Ella was exhilarating and insatiable; she left him panting, exhausted, and half starved for more. But even though it made absolutely no sense at all, being with Vin had actually felt more natural and right - and had left him feeling more satisfied and complete than he'd felt in too long to remember.
He sighed, wishing he'd brought a drink or a cheroot out with him. Anything to keep his hands and mouth busy, occupy his mind for a minute. The last thing he should be doing at that moment was comparing having sex with Ella and Vin. He needed to figure out what Ella was up to and then go after Vin.
Damn Tanner anyway for blowing apart his world, then walking out. Damn Vin for almost getting killed and damn him for stirring things in him that weren't meant to be awakened.
Chris knew he would never forget that night, even though weeks later, he still couldn't figure exactly how it happened. One minute he was on the ground next to Vin and the next he was buried deep inside him. It was crazy and stupid and so damn good that afterwards, it took him ten minutes to remember how to breathe again.
It might have been alright if he'd stopped there. Two men giving into the heat of the moment wasn't so rare. After all, neither he nor Vin made a practice of getting regular loving, like Buck did. It was natural, maybe even expected, that their emotions and needs might swell up and overwhelm them in an intense situation like they'd just experienced. But even after he'd rode Vin hard and fast, even after the earth moved - literally- under his feet, even after Vin proved to him in the most energetic way imaginable that no, he was definitely not hurt - even then, he had to be sure. He had to feel Vin with his hands and his lips; every muscle, bone, and inch of skin - no stone unturned because he couldn't bear it if he was wrong. If somehow, Vin was wrenched away from him without a moment's notice.
He had to know, and in that knowing came a whole slew of other feelings he wasn't prepared for . . . which was why it couldn't happen again, and why Ella came along at exactly the right time. She was beautiful and exciting and she made him remember who he was before his life became forever tarnished by tragedy. And even if she hadn't changed as he'd told Buck, even if being with Ella was still like walking the edge of a sharp knife, she was still a far safer bet than Vin.
Because Vin made him feel things that Ella never could. Things he didn't want to feel, things he didn't deserve to feel.
It was one thing to set up housekeeping with Ella. The sex alone would keep him interested, and from what she'd said, she had enough love and determination to make it work for both of them. But she'd never come close to that place in his heart where Sarah lived. And that was fine; that was exactly how he wanted it.
Being with Vin was something else entirely . . .
With a huff of frustration, Chris turned towards the house. If he didn't go back inside soon, someone would likely come looking for him. Probably Buck, who knew him far too well and would quickly guess that something was wrong. He sure wasn't going to talk about it because what the hell could he say? "Well, y' see, Buck, I rode Vin one night and I ain't been able to think about anything else since." But that wouldn't even be accurate. No, it should be more like, "Well, Buck, it seems that I went and fell in love with-" He clamped down on that thought. Now he was just being stupid. Love had nothing to do with any of this.
He was overreacting; maybe nothing was wrong at all. Maybe Ella had a good reason for lying about the mine and maybe it was for the best if Vin rode out in the morning.
And maybe he was a damn fool. His gut was clenched up so tight that if he'd had any supper yet, he'd be spewing it. He hadn't stayed alive by ignoring his instincts, so now sure wasn't the time to start. Maybe he'd better look into whatever Ella was up to a bit closer.
And maybe, maybe he'd better have a talk with Vin.
Come sunrise then, I'll be goin' . . .
He couldn't let that happen, not with the way things stood between them. Vin deserved better, even if Tanner was an equally damn fool for caring about him the way he did.
Alright then, Chris finally knew what he had to do. He'd dig into Ella's affairs tonight; see what the woman had up her sleeve.
And come morning, he was riding out after Vin.
The End .... Because we all know what really happened in the morning.