Author's Note: This story is the first in a post-ATF era series and contains only very mild adult content.
"I wish I could have what you have." The words, wistful and soft, were spoken without thought and Ezra instantly wished he could call them back as he saw the intense interest his comment had brought to the faces of Buck and Chris. He hadn't meant to say them, but watching them together as he spent the afternoon at their home; a loving couple dedicated and comfortable with one another, both physically and emotionally, the words had escaped unbidden.Buck sat down beside him on a wide swing that was built into the back porch, shaded from any neighboring eyes by tall trees all along the back fence, and nudged him companionably with one shoulder. "That mean you wish had a relationship like ours, or you wish you were a part of our relationship?"
Chris smiled and sat down on Ezra's opposite side, close enough to keep him warmly sandwiched between himself and Buck. "Cause if it's the first one, we'd be more than happy to help you look. We know quite a few single guys who'd be more than happy to help you get started."
"And if it's the second one," Buck continued, eyes twinkling but his expression serious, "we'd be even happier to help you out."
Ezra looked from one to the other. Surely they were joking. His instincts urged him to bluff. "Why do you assume I meant either of those things? I could have simply meant that I wished for a relationship as loving as yours, but with a woman."
One of Chris's blond brows rose in question as he cocked his head to one side, reading the southern man's face as easily as an open book. "Nope," he said. "You don't advertise but you've never really made a secret of being bi-sexual and I've seen you checking us out a few times when you thought nobody was looking."
"Me too," Buck agreed.
Ezra nodded, seeing no point in denying their observation. He had always tried to remain circumspect about his leanings toward men but it should have come as no surprise that this particular pair of friends would have noticed his interest in them.
Chris's tone became matter of fact. "I think you've been wishing you could be a part of what we have for quite some time now."
"We're not completely unobservant, you know," Buck said gently, running soothing fingers over one smoothly shaven cheek as he saw the trepidation in Ezra's eyes. "The way you look at us sometimes . . . well, we'd have to be blind or stupid not to have guessed what it meant."
Shame washed over Ezra. "I'm sorry. I realize that I had no right. It's obvious that you love one another devotedly. And even if you didn't, even if you were only . . ."
"Fuck-buddies?" Buck supplied with a wolfish grin when Ezra paused, struggling for a polite euphemism.
Ezra winced at the blunt term. "Even then, I certainly have no reason to believe you'd welcome a threesome. To be perfectly honest, I've never experienced such a thing myself and probably wouldn't know what to do if the opportunity arose."
"But that doesn't stop you from wanting it," Chris said, his rough voice filled with a surprising level of understanding.
Ezra was unable to meet either of their gazes as he stared down at his clasped hands, pressed tightly between his knees. "I've fantasized about it, about each of you individually, both of you together, with me, without me." He sighed deeply, his already quiet voice going even softer as he added, "You have no idea what you do to me. And I don't know how to stop myself from wanting you."
"Maybe that means you're not meant to stop," Chris suggested. Suddenly he moved closer and pressed his lips against Ezra's temple.
"What are you . . .?"
Buck slid one hand over Ezra's shoulders and the other mid-way up his thigh as he bent to capture an ear between his teeth, nibbling it lightly. "Chris and I have talked about what we should do," he whispered, his warm breath inside Ezra's ear canal producing an involuntary shiver of excitement. "How we'd handle things if you ever decided to approach us."
He paused to kiss the soft skin in front of Ezra's ear and Chris took up the narrative as he slipped an arm around the startled man's waist and worked his free hand past a couple of shirt buttons, stroking cool fingertips over Ezra's right nipple and petting it until it peaked sharply. "We've agreed since we first met you that you were sexy as hell, you know. Talked some since then about what it might be like, all three of us together."
"You have?" he breathed, eyes closing as Buck began to plant tiny kisses along his jaw line and neck, his hands lightly massaging Ezra's thigh and shoulder.
Chris kissed the closed eyelids. "Mmm-hm. Weren't sure you swung that way at first, but once we decided that you probably did, it didn't take much thought. We agreed months ago that we'd both welcome you into our bed any time you wanted to come."
Ezra gulped hard at the double-entendre, bringing a throaty chuckle from the blond-haired man who was now stroking his chest in a way that was both soothing and arousing. "Have you," Ezra paused, coughing a bit to restore his voice when it came out as a bare whisper. "Would I be your first? I mean, your third, um . . ."
"You mean, have we ever shared each other before?" Buck asked, backing away from his seductive kissing. Chris backed off as well, nodding to Buck that he should be the one to continue as they both caught the uncertainty in Ezra's soft drawl. Ezra nodded, eyes fixed upon Buck's, searching them for honesty. "No. We both have somewhat adventurous tastes. Games, toys, a little bondage now and then, though nothing humiliating or painful, but we've never shared what we have with a third party. We've discussed it, but it felt a little too close to unfaithfulness somehow, to fuck some guy just to find out what it was like."
Ezra felt a bit shocked at the revelation about their bedroom activities, then uncertain and a bit confused by the last part. "But, if you'd feel unfaithful to one another by bringing in a third party, then why are you doing this?" He gestured vaguely toward the hands that still rested upon his body, not working to arouse now but just maintaining warm contact. "You say you've thought about me, wanted me, but why am I different from your hypothetical stranger?"
"That's just it," said Buck. "You're not a stranger. You're our friend. We already care about you, know what kind of values you have and that you wouldn't want to hurt us or try to come between us if you favored one of us over the other."
"No, I wouldn't," Ezra told them, his body tensing as he prepared to remove himself.
Chris's firm grip on his arm kept him in place. "Let him finish," he urged.
Buck cupped Ezra's chin with his curled index finger and stroking the lower lip with his thumb. "We also know that we'd never deliberately do anything to hurt you, or try to make you choose between us. You're a beautiful man, Ezra. You have a kind heart and a lot of love to give whoever is lucky enough to get you. How could we help wanting you?"
"What do you say?" Chris's voice was kind. "Care to take a gamble on love?"
His voice sounding too small to be his own, Ezra said, "You love me?"
"A bit more with every month that passes," Buck said, dead serious.
Ezra looked from him to Chris, and saw nothing but more of the same in the second man's eyes.
"If this is too much to handle right now, don't be afraid to say so," Chris advised. "It's a lot to take in all at once. Besides, maybe all you had in mind was a good tumble through the sheets."
Buck grinned lasciviously. "We wouldn't turn that down either."
"Like I said, we've talked about this. Figured we'd be better off laying all our cards on the table," Chris finished, shooting a look of exasperated fondness toward his partner. "We want you, in whatever capacity you feel comfortable with. If that means just staying platonic friends and pretending we never had this conversation, we'll accept that too."
Buck nodded, then hung his head and cast an expression of such comedic sadness toward Ezra that he could not help but laugh.
Gently extricating himself from their close proximity, Ezra stood and walked down the wide porch steps, moving a little way across the yard to stand in a pool of sunshine with his back to them as he considered what they had said. He had never, in a million years, expected the declaration of love and his mind was in a whirl over it.
Finally, he turned around and studied his two friends. They had remained in their seats, patiently waiting for his decision. He knew he wanted them physically; there was no question in his mind about that. Buck, with his long lanky frame, deep blue eyes that could twinkle with mischief or blaze bright with righteous fury, and a voice that sent shivers of desire tickling up and down Ezra's spine every time he heard it. Chris, sturdy and straightforward, with an unexpectedly childlike grin that appeared when he was happy, greenish-hazel eyes filled with incredible strength, and that tanned honey-colored skin that always created a deep craving in Ezra to find out if it tasted as good as it looked.
Oh, yes, he wanted them, but did he love them? Certainly, he felt the sort of brotherly love that he had for all of his friends, and sometimes he wondered if it might be something a bit more where these two were concerned.
"But, I don't know," he murmured aloud. As he spoke, Chris's left hand moved to clasp Buck's right, the gesture so automatic and spontaneous that it made Ezra's heart ache. Stepping back onto the porch, he sat down on the top step, stretching one leg out for balance as he faced them. "If you were only offering to share your bed, I think that I would gladly accept, but I don't know if I'm ready for anything more than that. Wanting a loving relationship and simply leaping into the middle of an already established one are two very different things! What happens if we become intimate, and then I discover somewhere down the line that I'm not happy and want to go back to being just friends? Or what if it turns out that a three-way sexual partnership isn't for me? Or what if one or both of you come to feel that I'm intruding on your time with your partner? I don't want you to resent me or to take a chance on me, only to get hurt."
Buck smiled. "The fact that you're more concerned about hurting us than about being hurt yourself tells us a lot. Chris and I wouldn't consider doing this if we felt that you'd be an intrusion on our relationship. And if you're right and you want to bow out, either right away or at some point in the future, Chris and I will still have each other, you'll still have both of us as friends, and we'll all have a few more answers to our questions." His eyes took on that sparkle of mischief that Ezra adored. "Might as well mix a little fun with your education, right?"
Chris laughed. "Figures you'd think of that."
Ezra pondered for a few more minutes as the other two continued their playful banter. Light touches and fond looks occurred often as they talked and he smiled, realizing Buck and Chris were not even aware of what they were doing. Including him would not destroy what they had, no matter what the eventual outcome. There were advantages; it seemed, to being straightforward and honest about what you felt.
Pushing himself upright, Ezra approached the porch swing again, catching his friends' attention.
In a gesture that felt greatly daring, Ezra reached out and touched Buck's lightly curling dark hair. The shining locks felt as soft as he'd always imagined they would, clinging to his fingertips as Ezra slowly stroked the side of his head. Leaning forward, he slowly pressed his lips to Buck's, the gesture chaste but filled with promise.
He turned to Chris and repeated the performance. Chris's hair was trimmed close to his scalp on the sides and back, not quite military short, and it felt rough and slightly tickly beneath Ezra's hand. When they kissed, Chris anticipated him and opened his lips just enough to dart the tip of his tongue forward in a lighting fast tease that sent a bolt of desire quivering through Ezra. He blinked in surprise as he pulled away and the other man winked at him, the childlike grin already beginning to show.
Two lovers, each one so very different from the other. So perfect together, and each as exciting as he was different.
Again, the words escaped before Ezra knew they were coming. "I believe I'm ready to take a chance."
THE END
Continues in Love Lesson