Yellowstone AU
Beta-ed by Marnie.
This follows Sara's awesome Sepulcher Mountain and Farad's wonderful Quadrant Mountains in mid October.
Chris opened the door and frowned. Vin was here, but there were no lights on. It wasn't all that dark, the sun not all the way down yet, but the rooms were shadowed and it was quiet, too quiet. Chris moved cautiously through the house, on alert for, he wasn't sure exactly what he was on alert for, but something wasn't right. Vin might be the quietest man he knew, but there should still be something; a sound, Vin's keys on the counter, some indication that Chris wasn't the only person here.
He passed through the hall, moving slowly, carefully, his apprehension growing as he came closer to the master bedroom. The door was ajar, but there was no light coming from the bedroom, and more importantly, no sound. Even Vin wasn't this quiet. Chris's heart was pounding, his eyes shifted from side to side when he stepped in front of the door.
Chris felt the relief in his whole body. Vin was there in the bedroom, standing in front of the chest of drawers. The top drawer was open and Vin's hands were inside. But, Chris felt the tension returning, worry replacing apprehension. Vin didn't turn around, didn't even appear to notice him. The bedroom was as shadowed as the rest of the house and he couldn't see Vin's face. Chris started to turn on the light, but thought better of it.
Instead he crossed the distance between the doorway and Vin as quietly as he'd come down the hall. He closed his eyes when he saw what had caught Vin's attention so thoroughly that he hadn't even noticed Chris.
The checks. The ones Aaron Trahart had given him. Vin had put them in the top drawer of the dresser Chris had given him to keep things in, when he stayed at Chris's place. They'd been there ever since. Chris hadn't seen Vin looking at them and he hadn't mentioned them since he'd put them in the drawer. Chris swallowed, not sure what to say. He was saved from trying to think of something when Vin spoke.
"He had these the whole time." Vin's voice was almost a whisper and when he finally looked at Chris, his face was dazed. He looked shell-shocked.
"Who?" Chris asked. He wasn't sure if Vin would welcome it, but he needed to touch, to offer comfort, even if he wasn't sure what it was about the checks that had Vin so off balance. He cupped Vin's cheek.
Vin closed his eyes and nuzzled against Chris's hand. He dropped the envelope of checks back on top of his underwear and socks. His throat was working hard. "Tigee," he said finally, a ghost of a sound. They stood that way until Vin stiffened and pulled away from Chris. "I need a drink," he said, his voice stronger and harsh. He stalked out of the bedroom, disappearing into the hall.
Chris spied Aaron Trahart's card on top of a pair of socks, as he pushed the drawer closed and took a moment to drop his keys and wallet onto the top of the other dresser. He saw the flickering light dancing into the doorway that told him Vin had lit the fireplace. Light flittered and broke against the shadows in the house.
Vin had been quieter than was normal, even for him, ever since the whole mess with Van Atta and the Shoshone had started. Having his cousin extend an olive branch to him had unsettled him even more than having his history distorted in the newspaper. And, there was something about the checks his grandfather had left for him that had him not only upset but angry.
"Fuck!" Chris cursed softly. Vin kept everything inside. He wore his stoicism like armor. For him to let Chris see this much he had to be hurting badly.7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7
A bottle of Jack Daniels and a rock glass were sitting on the coffee table. Vin was on the couch, drinking from an almost full glass. He stared toward the fire, but his eyes were unfocused and Chris knew that whatever he was seeing wasn't in the room. Chris picked up the bottle and poured a small amount into the empty glass Vin had left for him. He tossed it back, and then filled the glass halfway, not ready to tackle anymore of Vin's ghosts completely sober. Vin's glass was almost half empty now.
Chris sighed and sat the glass back down on the coffee table. From the steady rate that the liquor in Vin's glass was disappearing, Chris knew that Vin wasn't willing to be at all sober for whatever it was he was going to share with Chris. He didn't get drunk very often, unable to trust enough to leave himself vulnerable. But he trusted Chris in a way he didn't trust anyone else, except maybe Nettie Wells. So, if Vin needed to be drunk, then Chris would stay sober and help him fight his ghosts.
"It don't make no sense," Vin said and took another drink.
Chris sat on the couch beside him, but didn't touch. Vin wanted him here, that was apparent from the extra glass. He wasn't so sure Vin wanted contact right now. Vin had a hard time asking for comfort, even when Chris was sure he needed it. Sometimes, he didn't think Vin even knew he needed it when he did. He was so damned self-reliant. So, he faced Vin, watching his profile, looking for the subtle shift that would tell him Vin wanted him to reach out, even if Vin didn't know himself that he wanted Chris to reach out.
"What doesn't make sense?" Chris asked, watching him carefully.
Vin took another drink and turned toward him. "I need it to make sense. Everything he done, right from the time he dumped my stuff out 'til the time he threw me off the reservation made sense. I didn't like most of it. But, I could understand it. He did what he thought was right in all o' that." His eyes were wide and shifting from side to side and then down and back to Chris. His lips were parted and his brow was wrinkled.
Shell-shocked, Chris thought again and he couldn't help himself. He had to touch. He put a hand on Vin's shoulder, offering any comfort Vin would take from him. "What doesn't make sense?" he asked again softly.
"Those checks," Vin said, his voice sounding as bewildered as he looked. "He didn't cash 'em. He didn't stop 'em. He just threw 'em in a fuckin' drawer. Can't see no reason for it." His eyes shifted again and then came to rest wide and confused and staring right into Chris's. His hand was shaking when he brought the almost empty glass up and drained the rest of it.
Chris squeezed his shoulder and took the now empty glass from Vin. He filled it halfway and then put it into Vin's hand and closed the long fingers around it. Vin looked down at the glass and then back to Chris so damned vulnerable, that Chris had to take a breath.
"What is it about those checks that you can't understand?" he asked.
Vin closed his eyes and took a long drink, nearly emptying the glass. Chris frowned. Vin never drank like this. If he didn't get out what he needed to pretty soon, he wouldn't be able to get it out at all. "Tell me," he urged. "What's tearing you up?"
Vin let out a breath and carefully set the glass down next to Chris's. His voice was brittle when he spoke. "He took away everything I was 'fore I come to the reservation," he said. "Taught me how to be an Indian. Everything white about me, 'cept what I looked like, he took away. He made me Shoshone. And, then he took that away, too. He took away my English and then he threw me back into that world. I was 16 fucking years old. He gave me all the money he had in the house. $287.53. Told me to take what I could carry and then told me not to come back. Not one person on that whole place stood up for me. Couple of guys drove me into the nearest town and dropped me off. Didn't say a single word to me the whole trip. Didn't even look at me." He got up and paced in front of the fireplace. He wrapped his arms around himself, much as he'd done that night in the kitchen when he'd told Chris about his childhood. Chris didn't get up. Touch would definitely not be welcome right now.
Vin stopped pacing and stared out the window. His shoulders were high and tight. His arms were wrapped around himself. His face was all hard lines and angles. His fists were clenched tightly under his arms. "Didn't hardly know what to do," he said, his voice calm now, like it had been all the times before this that Chris had known he was in pain. Maybe it was the whiskey, or maybe he'd just gotten hold of it in his head. "Found a motel, couldn't really tell the lady I needed a room for a long time, so I pointed to the calendar. Flipped the pages. Pointed to myself and then to the floor and then to the calendar again. I know she thought I wasn't right in the head. She patted my hand and asked me something, but I didn't know what she was saying. Finally she held up some dollars out of the register and I showed her my money. She took $100 and laid it down and then showed me a week on the calendar. I gave her another hundred and she showed me another week on that calendar, and that's how I got my room."
"That's how a lot of stuff was for a long time. I found a job working in a gas station, 'cause the owner spoke a little Shoshone; enough to understand that I wanted a job and I could fix cars. He made me prove it before he'd hire me. Had me check under a couple hoods to see if I knew what I was doing." He laughed low and humorless. "I knew. Tigee made sure o' that."
Chris clenched his jaw and ground his teeth together in frustration to keep his silence. If he interrupted, Vin might close off again; and Chris knew he needed to get this out.
"Couldn't even fill out my own paperwork," Vin said, "so he took my license and did it for me. Wasn't much else he needed to say to me. Someone would come in with something wrong with their car, and he'd point to whatever part he wanted me to check; tires, engine, lights, didn’t matter; he'd point and I'd fix it. I got along that way, for a while, pointing and throwing in a word or two here and there, while I got my English back."
He crossed the room again and sat beside Chris. "It was so hard," he whispered and then ducked his head. Chris could see the color high in his face. 'Fuck!' he thought. Vin was embarrassed to admit it was hard for a kid to survive on his own. If Tigee wasn't dead already, Chris would give serious consideration to choking the life out of him.
Vin swayed slightly toward him and Chris reached out and took his hand. Vin looked up, his eyes wide and surprised. He colored again and gave Chris a sweet smile that would have gotten Chris's blood racing any other time. Chris smiled back and didn’t let go of his hand.
Vin gave his fingers a squeeze and then resumed speaking, his voice calm and clear again. "I walked everywhere I had to go. Couldn’t cook in the room, but I bought a hotplate and a microwave. Didn't have no refrigerator; so I couldn't keep milk or anything perishable; so I ate a lot of canned food. I'm a fucking whiz with a can opener. It was the middle of August when he threw me off the res, but I was smart enough to know it was gonna get cold pretty quick, so I took my winter coat and boots and gloves. Lot of fucking good they did me. By the time I needed 'em, they didn't fit. Three months after I left the res, nothing I brought with me fit. Sold my shit to the Salvation Army store and got myself a new wardrobe."
"I outgrew every damn thing I bought, almost as fast as I bought it. I musta grown a foot and put on 50 pounds in the next year," Vin said. I was working two and three jobs t' keep up with everything and try to save some money so I could get a car. Didn't do too well. Minimum wage doesn't go too far, even if you're gettin' it for sixty hours a week-" He broke off speaking and poured more liquor into his glass. He frowned at Chris's glass that had sat untouched while he talked. "Ain't you drinkin' any?" he asked, looking at Chris with an expression that could only be called suspicious.
Chris shook his head. "Later," he said. Vin was definitely starting to feel the effects of the liquor. He swayed again and Chris steadied him.
"Thanks," Vin said. He took another drink and then set the glass down again, his movements exaggeratedly slow and careful. Definitely not sober.
"I was livin' in a dump, working two, and three jobs at a time, six and seven days a week, and barely makin' it. Sixteen year old kids ain't supposed to be workin' like old men," he said. "They're supposed t' be in school, gettin' laid, goin' t' football games. Seen a lot o' kids like that. Carloads full of 'em. But, I understood." His voice broke and a tear slipped down his face. "Tigee done what he thought was the right thing to do. Wasn't gonna let what happened with my ma happen again. It hurt, not bein' able to be on the reservation, but I understood it."
Chris clenched and unclenched his fist. He didn't understand it. Not even a little bit. Tigee had taken things out on Vin that he'd had no control over.
"And, the whole time, I was struggling t' get by, Tigee was shovin' those checks in a drawer," Vin said, his voice cracking. "I can't make that make sense. Can't make it nothin' but meanness." He looked at Chris again, that shell-shocked look back on his face. "I need t' understand," he said, his voice breaking. "Please," he added.
Chris shook his head helplessly. "Maybe he didn't know where you were," he suggested, not believing it, even as he said it.
Vin's eyes narrowed. His face got as hard as Chris had ever seen it. "He knew," Vin said flatly. "Six months after I got there, I seen him. And, he seen me. I was workin' at the station, puttin' gas in an old lady's car for her. Was s'posed to be self service, but she couldn't figure the pump out, so I put it in for her. I seen him in front of the post office. I was pretty surprised to see 'im. He didn't never leave the reservation 'less he had to. I thought maybe he heard I was there and he was makin' sure I was OK. I was gonna wave, started to, but he looked me up and down with those cold eyes and then he turned around and went into the post office. He come out with a package in his hand, maybe ten minutes later. He didn't even look over. Just walked away. I never saw 'im again."
"I'm eatin' dinner out of a can every night and he's stashing the checks he s'posed to use to take care of me in a drawer. He'd a stopped those checks, I coulda made sense o' that. I wasn't livin' there, he didn't think he shoulda got the money, so he don't take it, fine. He cashed 'em and spent the money on booze and hookers, hell, that'd make sense. Man's got needs. But t' get 'em and not do nothin' with 'em? I coulda used 'em t' get a decent place t' live. I coulda bought pants that fit, 'stead o' gettin' 'em too big, so I could wear 'em longer. I coulda used 'em to work one job and go t' night school, 'stead o' workin' all the time." His voice broke and he was trembling. "It don't make sense to me," he whispered.
At that moment, Chris hated Tigee more than he'd ever hated anyone. "It doesn't make sense to me either," he said. This time, he didn't restrain himself. He pulled Vin into a hug. Vin clung to him and Chris held him tightly. "I love you," he said.
"Love you, Chris," Vin said, his words slurring. "Love you so much. Never loved nobody b'fore." He giggled.
Chris grimaced. The whiskey was hitting Vin full force now. He only hoped Vin didn't puke before he passed out.7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7
Vin pressed sloppy kisses against his neck and his hands fumbled at the front of Chris's shirt, until Chris covered them with one of his own hands. "How 'bout, we put you to bed?" he suggested.
"Bed," Vin agreed happily. "Like bed. Like your bed."
"I like having you in my bed," Chris said kindly. "Now, let's get you there." He stood up, pulling Vin with him.
Vin swayed, until Chris steadied him, and then his head fell back and he looked at Chris blearily. "Gonna take me t' bed?" he asked.
Chris smiled at him. "Yep," he said and then turned Vin around. "Just gotta walk down the hall there," he said.
"'That's a long hall," Vin said and swayed again.
Chris shook his head, an indulgent smile on his face. "One step at a time," he said and put his arm around Vin's shoulder and kept him from falling on his ass or walking into the wall on the way to the bedroom. He helped Vin use the bathroom and get his shoes and uniform off and then tucked him into the bed. "Go to sleep," he said and leaned over to kiss his cheek.
Vin had other ideas, and his hand snaked out from under the blanket and up around Chris's neck. "Don't wanna go t' sleep," he said. He pulled Chris toward him and tried to plant a whiskey soaked kiss on Chris's lips, but missed and got his cheek. "Need you," he said. "Want you to fuck me."
"I need you, too," Chris said, taking Vin's arm from his neck and sliding it back under the blanket. "I'll fuck you tomorrow. For tonight, just get some sleep, ok?" He nudged Vin. "Scoot over," he said.
Vin rolled into the middle of the bed taking the blankets with him, and Chris spooned up behind him. "Love you," he whispered and stroked Vin's tangled curls.
"Love you," Vin said. "More than anybody. Never loved nobody," he said. He pulled the hand that was stoking his hair down across his chest and wrapped both arms around Chris's arm. "Mine," he said.
Chris didn't try to take his arm back; Vin would be out soon enough.
"You're the only one," Vin said, petting Chris's arm clumsily. "Never gonna be nobody else."
"You're the only one for me, too," Chris said and kissed the back of his head. "Never gonna be anyone else again."
Vin stopped petting Chris's arm and turned over. His eyes were enormous. Chris wouldn't have thought he'd be able to open them that much, as drunk as he was. "Never was nobody else," he said. Chris could see the color high on his cheeks, even with only the light from the hall. "Never trusted nobody enough t' let 'em fuck me," he said. "Couldn't." He reached a shaking hand out and stroked Chris's face. "Only you," he said. Chris could see tears in his eyes. "Love you," Vin said brokenly. "Don't send me away," he pleaded and the tears escaped and made shining paths down his cheeks.
Chris wasn't sure how much was the whiskey talking and how much was Vin's insecurity revealing itself. "I'll never send you away," he promised and pulled Vin in close. "Go to sleep," he whispered, and stroked Vin's back until Vin's hand stopped shaking against him and he heard soft snores. Chris eased away from Vin and pulled the blankets back over him, carefully tucking in the hand that fell limply on the pillow when Chris got up. He kissed the side of Vin's forehead and quietly left the room.7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7
Chris sipped at the drink he'd abandoned earlier, while he waited for Buck to answer the phone.
"Hey, Chris, what's up?" Buck answered cheerfully. Chris could hear JD yelling at the video game he'd obviously interrupted.
"Taking some comp time tomorrow. Vin's taking the day, too," he said.
"Something wrong?" Buck asked, in a quieter concerned voice. Chris's face softened into a smile. Buck was ever dependable, ever wanting to help a friend.
"No," Chris said. "Just been a long day and a longer month. We've got the time and we're taking it."
Buck was quiet on the other end for several long seconds before he answered. "I heard that," he said. "Look, don't worry about us. We'll get along just fine. Tell Vin-" he hesitated.
"What?" Chris asked.
"Nothing," Buck said. "Just take it easy. We'll take care of the park."
"Will do," Chris said. "And, Buck, thanks," he added.
Buck laughed. "Got some comp time of my own coming. You can make it up to me," he said.
"Will do," Chris said and laughed. They said their goodnights and Chris flipped his phone closed. He poured another drink into his glass and then sat in the big armchair near the fireplace. He stared down into the brown liquid and swirled it around a bit, before he carefully set the glass on the raised brick hearth.
He'd known he had hurt Vin badly when he'd left his camper after the first time they made love. He hadn't really understood just how much, until tonight. Even when Vin had told him about his childhood, Chris hadn't really understood. Vin trusted him like he trusted no one else. And, he'd almost betrayed him in a way that no one else had. Fuck! If JD hadn't told him about those transfer papers, he might have pushed Vin away until it was too late. He'd come so close to losing the only thing that really mattered for the second time in his life.
Chris picked the drink back up and tossed it back. "I'm not gonna lose you, Vin," he vowed, feeling a little silly when he realized that he'd said the words out loud. He snorted at his own unease. It didn’t matter if he was talking to himself in an empty room or not. All that mattered was that he keep the promise he'd made to himself.7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7
Vin groaned out loud when he woke. Daylight was streaming in around the edges of the closed blinds. His head was pounding and his stomach was doing flip-flops, but they weren't demanding attention nearly as urgently as his bladder was. He congratulated himself on having successfully pushed the blankets back, but wondered how the hell he was going to make it to the bathroom, if he couldn't make his feet move. He groaned again.
"Need a hand?" Chris asked softly, mindful of the headache he was sure Vin had.
Vin didn't answer, just reached his arm out. Chris moved his feet onto the floor and then took Vin's hand and pulled him upwards. Vin groaned loudly, his free hand clutching at his stomach and his eyes closing tightly.
"Can you make it to the bathroom or you need me to help you?" Chris asked.
Vin let go of his hand and stretched his arm out patted Chris's chest, but Chris noticed he didn't open his eyes. "I got it," Vin said.
Chris let him stumble to the master bath alone, but kept a watchful eye on him, until the door to the bathroom closed. He went to the hall bathroom and found aspirin. He got a glass of water from the kitchen and went back to the bedroom. Vin was sitting on the side of the bed, his head in his hands.
"Here," Chris said and nudged Vin's hand. Vin looked up at him and Chris set the glass down on the nightstand and then handed Vin three aspirin, making sure that they didn't spill out of Vin's hand. Vin looked so grateful that Chris couldn't help but laugh. He waited until Vin had put the pills in his mouth, and then put the glass of water in his hand and closed his fingers around it. Vin drank it all and Chris took the empty glass and set it on the nightstand again. "Why don't you go back to bed?" he suggested.
"Gotta go to work," Vin groaned and then held his head again, as if those few words had set off the pounding.
"Not today," Chris said. "We're playing hooky. Buck's covering for us."
Vin lifted his head and gave Chris a look that was somewhere between gratitude and suspicion.
"It's OK," Chris said. "Your boss is the understanding type. Now, go back to bed," he said. Vin might have argued but whatever he was going to say was lost when he groaned again. He fell on his side against the pillow, and pulled it over his head, his feet still on the floor. Chris smiled at him and lifted Vin's feet onto the bed. He lifted Vin's head, wincing at the groan that came from his lover and then smiling at the sigh of relief, when Chris slid the other pillow under his head. "Get some sleep," he said and pulled the blankets over Vin.
He took a minute to turn down the ringer on the phone that sat on the other side of the bed. There was no way to block out the light coming in from the edges of the drapes, so Chris left Vin to sleep off the worst of his hangover and busied himself with chores.
When Vin stumbled blearily into the kitchen, Chris had coffee ready. It was two o'clock in the afternoon, but Vin took it gratefully.
"Thanks," Vin said and sipped at it cautiously, then drank deeply, when he knew it wouldn't burn. He finished the cup and held it out to Chris, who refilled it and added cream and sugar the way Vin liked it.
"Why don't we take it into the living room?" Chris asked. "I'll turn on the fireplace and you can drink it.
"Yeah," Vin agreed. He made himself comfortable on the couch, and Chris handed him his coffee, then turned the fireplace on.
"You hungry?" Chris asked.
Vin nodded, but reached his hand out and took Chris's arm, when Chris started to go to the kitchen. "Ain't so sure it'd stay down just now," he said. "Lemme finish my coffee first."
Chris nodded and patted his leg. "Made a pot of chicken noodle soup," he said. Nettie gave me the recipe. It's not as good as hers, but it ain't bad," he said.
Vin looked at him, his eyes getting wide and then dropping. "Thanks," he said. "Ought to stay down, OK." He picked at an imaginary thread on the sweatpants he was wearing. "Sorry, 'bout last night," he mumbled.
"Nothing to be sorry for," Chris said. "You just drank a little more than you're used to. No harm done."
"Did I - uh- say anything - uh - anything stupid?" Vin asked him, the rapidly beating pulse in his throat betraying the calm voice. His cheeks were red.
"No," Chris answered honestly. Chris was sure that Vin would be embarrassed if he knew what he'd revealed last night, but it wasn't stupid. "You didn't say anything stupid," he said.
Vin sagged against the cushions, obviously relieved. "Thanks, for takin' care of me," he said, the color still high on his face.
Chris smiled. "You've taken care of me enough," he said. "Nice to be able to return the favor for once."
Vin smiled and took a sip of his coffee. "So, uh - what did I say?" he asked.
"How much do you remember?" Chris asked.
Vin grimaced. "Uhm, we had cheeseburgers for lunch," he said.
Chris laughed. "They were pretty good actually." He sobered. "You asked something last night, I didn't have an answer for," he said and met Vin's questioning eyes. "You wanted to know why Tigee would put the checks in a drawer instead of doing something with them or stopping them. Only one man I can think of, who might know the answer," he said.
"Isaac," Vin whispered.
"You should talk to him," Chris said.
Vin shook his head. "Can't," he said.
"Vin-" Chris started to argue, but Vin interrupted.
"Can't," he stated calmly. "He never leaves the reservation. And, I ain't ready to go back there. Don't know if I ever will be," he said. "Ain't the kinda thing you talk about over the phone." He finished his coffee. "That soup hot?" he asked. "Think maybe I can keep it down now."
Chris nodded. "Alright," he said. "Let's eat."7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7
Two days later, Chris was in his office, staring at his phone. Vin still hadn't taken the checks to the bank. There was paperwork involved and it would take longer than usual for them to clear, but Aaron Trahart was right; they were still good. Chris had done some checking of his own.
But, Vin hadn't taken them to the bank. He hadn't looked at them again, either, as far as Chris knew. But, he was still off balance. Vin had taken a lot of crap from his grandfather, accepted it even, because he'd been able to justify his grandfather's actions in his own head; even if Chris thought the way Tigee had treated him was indefensible.
But, not those checks. Chris wished he'd never asked Trahart about them. But, he had. To his way of thinking, he'd opened up this can of worms and it was up to him to close it again. And, there was only one way he could think of to do that. He knew Vin would be pissed if he found out, but he could take a pissed off Vin a hell of a lot better than the unsettled, insecure, Vin who clung to him at night. Not, that he didn't appreciate the clinging. Vin in his arms was something he'd never get tired of. But, Vin didn't cling. Vin was secure in himself and the world around him. And, Chris would be damned if he'd let Tigee's shit pull Vin down again.
He picked up the phone and punched in the number he'd copied down off Aaron Trahart's card.
"Trahart," Aaron Trahart answered.
"This is Chris Larabee," Chris said. "Vin's-" He hesitated; boss, lover? He finally settled on,"freind."
"I remember you, Trahart answered. "Is Vin alright?"
"Physically, he's fine," Chris said. "But, he needs to see your father, to talk to him."
"My father will talk to him," Trahart said with no hesitation.
"It can't be on the reservation," Chris said.
"I see," Trahart said and then was silent. "My father doesn't leave the reservation," he said after a long pause.
"It can't be on the reservation," Chris repeated flatly. "He owes him that much," he added in a softer tone. He knew that Vin didn't think his uncle owed him anything, but someone sure as hell did and Isaac had been an adult when Vin was there. He hadn't stepped up for Vin then, he could step up for him now.
There was another pause and finally Trahart sighed into the phone. "He'll meet him," he said. "I can't promise Vin will like what he hears, but my father will talk to him."
"One more thing," Chris said, with a glance toward the outer office. "Vin won't agree to it, if you tell him I called you."
Trahart chuckled. "Still stubborn," he said.
"You could say," Chris said dryly.
"I'll call him," Trahart promised. "Tonight," he added.
"He doesn't have a cell phone. Call him on my home phone," Chris said and gave him the number. "Anytime after six," he said. "And, thank you," he said sincerely. Aaron Trahart really didn't owe Vin anything, but it said a lot about the kind of man he was, that he would do this. When he hung up the phone, Chris felt less stressed than he had since before Vin had spotted those bones.
They were eating dinner when the phone rang. Chris recognized Aaron Trahart's voice immediately, but he carefully kept a neutral expression on his face, as he handed Vin the phone, even though he was on edge.
"Hello." Vin's tone was calm, giving nothing away.
"OK."
"When?"
"Yeah."
Was this how the others felt about the non-conversations he and Vin had? Chris wondered. He owed them all an apology.
"I can do that," Vin said, and Chris wanted to rip the phone away from him. 'Damnit, Vin,' he thought, 'give me a fucking clue.'
"Tomorrow," Vin said.
'Tomorrow what?' Chris took a hasty drink of the beer he had been nursing through dinner to keep from asking.
"'Night," Vin said and hung up. He dropped the phone on the table beside him and looked at Chris. He smiled. "You're the worst fucking actor ever," he said. "You set this up?" he asked looking at the phone.
Chris's expression was somewhere between sheepish and worried. "Yeah," he admitted, his voice as apprehensive as his face.
Vin sighed and gave Chris's balled fist a quick squeeze. "Thanks," he said, flushing and ducking his head. "Need t' talk to him, but wasn't sure how," he mumbled. "'Preciate you doin' that for me."
Chris felt the urge to punch something pass quickly. Vin had enough crap to deal with, from his past slapping him in the face, without having to deal with Chris's anger over the effect his past had on him. It wasn't fair, wasn't right that such small things mattered so much to Vin. For his sake, Chris would let the anger go. "You're welcome," he said and returned the quick squeeze. "Want some more?" he asked, pointing to Vin's nearly empty plate, knowing that Vin wouldn't appreciate him making a big deal over the phone call.
Vin shook his head. "Don't want anything but you," he said and kissed Chris.
Fleeting thoughts of the dishes and leftover food in the kitchen fled, as Chris returned the kiss. However off balance Vin was, however much having his past come back to haunt him was affecting Vin, he still wanted Chris. And, Chris wanted him.
They held onto each other, kissing and undoing buttons on the short trip from the dining room to the bedroom. In bed, Vin tried to set the pace, tried to make it hard and fast, but Chris wouldn't let him. Naked, stretched out over Vin's equally naked body, he made love to him, slowly, easily, but with a determined focus that had Vin begging Chris to fuck him. Chris obliged, but not fast, and definitely not hard.
He liked to make love to Vin face to face when he was in this kind of mood, but Vin had turned over and stretched out on his belly; and he wouldn't turn back over when Chris whispered a request for him to do so. Maybe his emotions were too close to the surface; maybe it was something else. Chris wasn't sure why Vin wouldn't look at him, but he was determined that it wouldn't just be fucking. He wanted to make love to Vin; to let him know, that he was as important to Chris, as Chris was to him.
Chris reached into the nightstand for supplies and readied himself quickly. Kneeling, he straddled Vin's body and then leaned over and whispered into his ear, "I love you." He kissed the back of Vin's neck, and then used his hands to raise Vin's hips enough so that he could reach the opening to Vin's body. "Stay there," he whispered, when Vin made a move to go to all fours. He slid a pillow under Vin's body. "Let me love you," he said softly. Vin angled his head awkwardly up for a kiss and Chris obliged him with a gentle press of his lips against Vin's. "I love you," he said again.
"Love you, too," Vin said soft as a sigh, and put his head back down. Chris kissed the cheek he could see and then leaned back up and moved down, until he could properly stretch Vin's opening to take him. He used, first one finger, then two, all the while, kissing Vin's back, tasting his skin. Vin was making breathless little sounds and Chris's cock responded by throbbing, almost painfully. He struggled to control the urge to fuck his lover, until he was certain Vin's body would accept him easily.
Chris loved knowing that he was the only lover Vin had allowed this intimacy; but he felt the weight of it; he never wanted Vin to regret giving him that trust. He kissed the base of Vin's spine, and traced the cleft of Vin's ass with his tongue.
Vin felt Chris's fingers withdraw, to be replaced by the tip of his tongue. "Fuck!" he gasped. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. Chris hadn't done it; and certainly none of the anonymous men he'd exchanged blowjobs with - true, there hadn't been very many - but still, none of them had ever done this to him. His cock was so hard and his balls were so heavy, it was bordering on more pain than pleasure and he tried to thrust against the pillow; but Chris held him still. "Please," he choked out. "I - need - you. Fuck - me, please."
Chris's manly pride swelled along with his own cock, at the need he could hear in Vin's voice. One last lick to the pulsing hole and he knelt up and positioned the head of his cock against it. Vin tried to push up again and Chris pressed down gently against his spine. Vin might want to get fucked, and as much as Chris wanted to oblige him, fucking wasn't on his agenda, making love was. Chris pushed slowly, biting his lip to keep control, as his cock was slowly enveloped in the tightest warmth he'd ever felt. Vin tried to push back, almost sobbing his pleas for Chris to fuck him. Chris wouldn't be hurried.
When he was in as deeply as he could get in this position, he stretched out over Vin and kissed the back of his neck. Vin rocked as much as Chris would let him. He stretched his arms out, to keep from pushing up. His fingers were splayed out on the cool sheets. Chris stretched his arms over Vin's and pressed his palm against the back of Vin's hand. He intertwined their fingers, all the while keeping up the too slow thrusting that was driving both of them wild.
"Chris - please," Vin begged. "I need - to come. Please," he added. Chris loved making Vin this needy, but his own balls were swollen past full and he needed to come as much as Vin did. Still, he didn't want to lose the connection he felt, or the tenderness. So, he kept a tight, if awkward grip on Vin's hands and pulled them into Vin's chest. He leaned back and pulled Vin up against him, without letting their bodies separate. "I want to lean against the headboard," he told Vin.
"You can fuck me in the middle of your driveway, if you want," Vin answered, a trace of annoyance in his voice, "if you'll just get to the fucking."
Chris chuckled. "I'll remind you of that sometime," he said. They moved awkwardly, because Chris wouldn't let Vin move away from him. Finally, Chris was sitting, his cock still buried deeply in Vin's ass, with his back against the headboard of the bed. He closed his arms around Vin, still holding Vin's hands.
"I get it," Vin said, letting go of Chris's hands, long enough to wrap his hands around Chris's forearms. He held Chris's arms tightly against his body. "You want me to know it's not just fucking." He angled his head up awkwardly, so that he could meet Chris's eyes. "I get it," he said softly. "Make love to me."
Chris smiled down at him and bent his head and kissed him lightly. "Anytime," he said and started to move, slowly thrusting up into Vin's body. Vin let his head fall back against Chris's chest and closed his eyes, letting Chris set the pace.
Chris knew when he hit Vin's prostate by the gasp his lover made and the way his body clenched around Chris's cock. The light from the hall illuminated the mirror and Chris was almost undone at the sight of the two of them reflected back at him. Vin's trust in him was so clear, that Chris was almost overcome. He couldn't imagine Vin ever being this vulnerable for anyone else. Vin's legs were spread wide, each one thrown over one of Chris's less widely spread legs. He could see Vin's engorged balls and hard cock; and he could see Vin's face, his closed eyes and his parted lips. Vin couldn't move in this position and Chris didn't want him to.
"Need a hand?" he whispered into Vin's ear.
"God yes," Vin answered, without opening his eyes. He loosened his grip on Chris's arms and Chris slid a hand down his body, tweaking his nipples on the way down; all the while, watching Vin in the mirror. "Fuck me," Vin chanted softly. "Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. God, please fuck me."
Chris could hold out no longer and he thrust up into Vin as hard and fast as he could. He fondled Vin's balls for a few seconds, and then he finally, wrapped his hand around Vin's cock and began fisting it, careful to stroke over the head, the way he knew Vin loved.
"Oh God!" Vin choked out. And, then he was coming, spectacularly. His whole body seized up and he threw his head back and groaned loudly. His cum fountained over Chris's hand and splattered his belly. His ass clenched around Chris and that was enough to send Chris over the edge. And, then he wasn't aware of anything at all, except his own climax.
When he came back to awareness, Vin's head was lolling on his chest and his breathing was almost normal. He kissed the side of Vin's head, unable to muster the energy to move enough to really kiss him.
"That was somethin' else," Vin said softly.
"It was something, alright," Chris agreed. "I thought I shot my balls out of my dick."
Vin laughed. "Naw, they're still where they're s'posed t' be. Good damned thing, 'cause I got a feelin' you're gonna be needin' 'em again, real soon."
Chris smiled. "You're in for a big disappointment if it's too soon," he said.
"I'll let you know, soon as I find my own," Vin said. "Think they flew off on the other side of the room somewhere."
Chris laughed with him. "Shower?" he asked.
"In a minute," Vin said. "Just wanna lay with you for awhile." He reached down and pulled one of Chris's arms back across his chest. Chris took the hint and wrapped his other arm around Vin. Vin held them tightly against him.
Chris felt a weight lifting off his shoulders. Vin was clinging to him again, but it was in a good way this time; a way that had nothing to do with fear or insecurity and everything to do with need and love and passion. They lay there together for a long while, and later, after they'd cleaned themselves up, and thrown away the leftovers that had dried out to inedible in the kitchen, they fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7
Vin knocked on the window of Chris's office, even though the door was open. Chris was on the phone, but he waved him in and ended the call.
"What's up?" Chris asked.
"Lunch," Vin said. "With Isaac and Aaron." He looked at the floor. "Go with me?" he asked and met Chris's eyes. His apprehension was written all over his face, even if Chris couldn't hear it in his voice.
Chris smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way. "Sure," he said. "Glad you asked me."
Vin flushed, but didn't look away. "You set it up," he said. "Figured it'd drive you crazy, not knowin'."
Chris shrugged and grinned, not at all repentant. "When and where?" he asked.
"Today," Vin answered. "One o'clock, at the diner."
Chris glanced at his watch. It was almost noon. The diner Vin was talking about was only about fifteen minutes away, but there was nothing pressing happening. Vin could use the extra time to prepare himself for the reunion with his uncle. "Hang on," Chris said. He picked up the phone again. "Vin and I are going to lunch," he said. "We may or may not be back." He waved off Vin's protest before he could voice it. "I'll have my cell phone on. Tell Buck, he's in charge, if we don't come back."
"I can do my job," Vin said, his eyes narrowed and anger making his words clipped.
"Yeah, you can," Chris agreed. "Better than anybody else around this place. But, maybe, just maybe, I might need the time, when lunch is over. I can't promise you that I won't get pissed, even if you don't."
Vin laughed. "You get mad? Hard to believe," he said.
"Ha ha ha," Chris said. "Yuck it up, Tanner. You can buy lunch."
"Ain't like I can't afford it," Vin said. "Got thousands of dollars sitting in a fucking drawer." He flushed. "Sorry," he said. "Just -" He shrugged, unable to articulate his frustration any further.
Chris got up and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know," he said. "Let's get out of here. I'll buy you a cup of coffee, while we're waiting."
"Thanks," Vin said. "For everything," he added quietly.
Chris gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and grabbed his hat off of the desk. "Let's go."7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7 ~ 7
It turned out to be good that they had left early. The food at the diner was good and it was packed, even though it was between seasons for the park. They could see the door from their table, and even though it had been more than a decade since he'd seen his uncle, Vin recognized him immediately. Isaac was a little grayer and a little thinner, but to Vin he didn't look much different than he had 13 years ago. His gait was a little unsteady, but Aaron was with him, holding the old man's arm.
Vin felt a sharp stab of emotion. That's what families were supposed to do. That's how Tigee's last days should have been spent, with his grandson steadying him. But, he hadn't even known Tigee was ill; hadn't even known he was dead, until weeks after Tigee had passed. He'd only found out accidentally, when he'd found an old newspaper, while he was at the library studying. Someone had been reading the paper and Vin had seen Tigee's picture and the obituary. And, that was how he'd found out his grandfather had died. He didn't know if he would have tried to attend the funeral, even if he'd known in time. 'Probably not, because who the hell wants to be thrown out of a funeral?' he thought bitterly.
He startled and blinked away the unwanted memories. He was grateful to feel Chris's hand on his arm.
"Vin," Aaron said, as he and Isaac reached the table.
Vin looked up and nodded at the two men, unable to speak. Chris was a solid presence beside him.
"Paha," Isaac said.
The stoicism that Chris was beginning to hate was on Vin's face, when he answered, quietly, "Ata."
Chris didn't scowl, but he came close; close enough for Aaron Trahart to notice.
Trahart acknowledged his presence. "Larabee," he said. "This is my father, Isaac." He turned to his father. "Daiboo'an daigwape," he said and Isaac nodded. "This is Vin's," Aaron hesitated, "friend," he said, "Chris Larabee."
Chris respected age and in any other case, he would have stood and offered his hand. But, the hurt that Vin wouldn't show kept him seated. He tilted his head in acknowledgement, but made no other move.
Aaron Trahart's mouth tightened, but he didn't say anything. He waited until Isaac was safely seated in the chair across from Vin, and then he sat across from Chris, who stared at him, his green eyes blazing and his mouth set tight. Aaron recognized the challenge for what it was and tilted his head in acknowledgement. They would both protect their own.
Vin watched the interaction between the two of them with only marginal interest. He thought he should tell Chris to stand down, but having Chris at his back, strong and sure, wasn't a comfort he was willing to forgo. There were so many questions he wanted answers to, about Tigee, about his mother, about the checks. But, his thoughts were swirling together, and he couldn't make sense of them. He lowered his eyes, not wanting Aaron or Isaac to see the confusion - or the emotions he could keep off his face, but not out of his eyes.
The silence at the table was becoming increasingly tense, and Vin was beginning to think this was more of a mistake than he'd suspected it would be, when he agreed to it.
"Good morning!"
Vin startled at the voice, and then flushed. 'Get a grip, Tanner,' he ordered himself. 'Just the waitress.'
"Are you fellows ready to order?" The waitress was young, pretty, and entirely too cheerful for Vin's mood.
"Coffee?" Chris asked Aaron.
"Yes," Aaron answered. "My father also."
"Four coffees," Chris said, without asking Vin. Coffee was one thing Vin never turned down.
"Right away," the too cheerful waitress said and flashed a smile at them, before she turned her attention to another table.
An uneasy silence grew more tense with every passing second. Chris and Aaron stared at one another with carefully blank expressions. Isaac looked from Vin to Chris to Aaron and then back to Vin. Vin was staring at the fork he was shifting from hand to hand. Minutes passed slowly, with the tension growing.
"Here you go," the waitress said and turned over the coffee cups that rested upside down on saucers, in front of each man, before she filled them from a carafe. She set the carafe on the table, along with a bowl of creamers.
Vin finally broke the silence. Chris watched as he raised his head and squared his shoulders. His back stiffened and Chris knew he'd made up his mind to confront Isaac straight on. Pride in his lover swelled in Chris's heart. No one could ever accuse Vin Tanner of not having courage.
"Ata," Vin said softly, but firmly. "I want to know about the checks.
Isaac nodded. "He saved them, for you, for when you were a man.
"Why?" Vin asked. "Why didn't he give them to me, if he wasn't gonna turn 'em back, or use 'em for anything. He didn't need t' see me. He coulda just sent someone."
"You were a boy," Isaac said quietly. "A boy is foolish and would not use the money wisely."
Chris had to bite his lip to keep from cursing Tigee. His hands clenched into tight fists under the table. He noticed that Aaron Trahart frowned. Evidently, he didn't think anymore of Tigee's reasoning than Chris did.
"He was probably right," Vin said. Chris could hear the bitterness that didn't show on his face. "I mighta got a decent place t' live or ate stuff that didn't come outta a can."
"He had faith in you," Isaac said. His voice was soft and kind, and he had a gentle smile on his face.
Vin's face changed. The stoicism he'd worn in all the worst moments since Chris had known him, was gone. Disbelief and anger were plain.
"Faith in me?" Vin shook his head. "Only faith he had in me was t' fuck things up."
Isaac shook his head no. "He had faith," he repeated. "He told me you were strong. You would survive. And, when you came back, you would have a legacy. He knew you would come back. He knew you would become a man."
"I didn't," Vin said. "I worked all the time and I was just markin' time. I wasn't getting' nowhere. I was just barely survivin'. Every time I'd think I was getting' ahead, I'd end up losing ground. The dump I lived in, I found out six months into livin' there, that the lady felt sorry for me and didn't charge me enough. The owner found out and was gonna make her pay it back outta her own pocket, so I paid it up. Took everything I had saved. But, it wouldn't o' been right, her havin' t' pay for tryin' t' help me."
He took a deep breath and let it out long and shaky. "He didn't have no right," Vin said. "All this time, I never doubted that he thought he was doin' the right thing when he threw me off the reservation. But, him keepin' those checks, I can't make that right. I can't understand it." He closed his eyes and to Chris's surprise Isaac's hand covered Vin's.
"He was wrong," Isaac said. "Tigee was a good man, but even good men can be wrong. And, Tigee was wrong about you." Isaac took a deep breath. "I was wrong, too," he said simply.
Vin's eyes opened at that. His face wore that stoicism again. "You didn't do nothin'," he said.
Isaac nodded. "I did nothing," he agreed. "I should have. A boy should not be punished for the deeds of his parents. Tigee was wrong and those of us who stood by were wrong.
"You didn't owe me nothin'," Vin said, meaning it.
"I owed you what we all owe to children," Isaac said. "I owed you what Tigee owed you; the chance to grow into a man, unfettered with adult concerns. But, Tigee couldn't see the truth because of his anger toward your father. He was blind to the faults of his daughter. Kimame was a beautiful child and she knew her father's weakness for her. She was also headstrong and stubborn. No man could have stolen her and kept her away, unless she chose to stay with him. Tigee could not accept the truth. Kimame loved him, but she hated the reservation. From her childhood, all she could speak of was going to the city. She longed for a different life than Tigee wanted for her."
"I never wanted t' be no place else," Vin said quietly.
Isaac smiled. "It would seem Tigee's hopes for his family to forever be tied to the land have been realized, in a way he did not expect."
"Ain't never hated the land," Vin said pointedly.
Isaac nodded at him. Chris felt some of the tension ease and he noticed that Aaron's stiff posture relaxed a bit. Isaac was smiling and even Vin didn't seem as uneasy as he'd been. This might be a good time to change the subject. "Anyone else hungry?" he asked.
"Starved," Vin said and gave him a grateful look. Aaron's face broke into a grin and Isaac's smile broadened. Chris wasn't immune to the lightened mood and he smiled at the men across the table. Vin's family estrangement hadn't ended with one lunch, but it was a start; one Chris would do his best to help along.
TWO WEEKS LATER
Chris waited outside the mall for Vin. It seemed like he'd spent the entire day waiting. First, he'd waited over an hour outside the bank, while Vin had filled out the paperwork the bank required for him to be able to cash the checks, Tigee had held onto. Now, Vin was running an errand in the mall, that he wouldn't tell Chris anything about. He had also refused Chris's offer to accompany him. "Just wait here," Vin had said. Something about the way he was smiling when he said it, worried Chris. At the same time, he was relieved. Once Vin had made up his mind to deposit the checks and let the money collect interest for a while, it was as though all the tension and uncertainty the checks had brought with them, had vanished. Vin was back to himself and that alone had Chris agreeing to play chauffeur and not ask any questions.
"Hey, Cowboy," Vin called, as he opened the door to the truck.
"You just call me a cowboy?" Chris mock growled, unable to keep the smile off his face long enough to even make a passing stab at the pretense of anger. "What's in the bag?" he asked, unable to miss the enormous bag with the sporting goods label on the front.
"Present for you," Vin said. "For being such a good friend these past few weeks." His grin faded into a serious expression. "I know I ain't been the easiest to get along with lately. Just wanted you to know I appreciate it." He ducked his head, embarrassed.
Chris stifled the urge to laugh. Vin's idea of not being easy to get along was seriously misguided. He'd have to get Buck to tell Vin how hard Chris had been to get along with at times. On second thought, maybe not, he thought. "You're welcome," he said softly and squeezed Vin's shoulder. "Can I have my present?" he asked, easing Vin out of his embarrassment.
"What? Oh yeah!" Vin's voice was excited. "Here," he said and wrestled the bag onto the seat between them. "Sorry it ain't wrapped," he said.
Chris laughed. "Don't worry about it," he said. He pulled the plastic bag apart and reached in and pulled out a pair of top of the line snowshoes. "Tell me this doesn't mean we're going hiking in the winter," he groaned.
Vin laughed out loud. "You'll love it," he said. "Got a few real interestin' ideas on how to keep warm," he added slyly.
"In that case," Chris said, smiling broadly. "Maybe you could demonstrate."
They laughed together, as Chris pulled the car out of the mall.THE END
Shoshone words:
Paha / nephew
Ata / maternal uncle
Daiboo'an daigwape / English, white man's language