Sighing in frustration with the dull ache that had set up behind his eyes, Chris ground his fists into his temples. The brilliant afternoon sun shone on the paperweight on the corner of his desk and, when he moved, a beam of reflected light caught in his eyes causing the pain to escalate. A soft tap on the doorframe had him struggling to focus on the blurry form. He tried to smile as the blur took on the familiar, lanky body of Vin Tanner."I was gonna suggest lunch," he said, his whispery drawl making Chris' heart beat a little faster.
"Yeah, I could use a break," Chris replied as he saved the report he was reviewing and closed the file. His sunglasses cut down on the light and muted some of the anvil chorus inside of his skull. "You're buying," he said as he reached for his jacket.
Distracted by JD and Buck's lively banter, Chris began to feel better as he ate. Josiah and Ezra were engrossed in a discussion about the trustworthiness of one of Ezra's CI's. Nathan was trying to get Vin to try the salad he had ordered and Vin was vigorously refusing.
By the end of the day, Chris was looking forward to kicking back and relaxing at home. The week had been one, long, monotonous string of inspections of gun shops as part of a new government program. The only up side was that no one was shooting at them ... so far. The ranch floated into his view and he sank a little deeper into the driver's seat. He would have just enough time to grab a shower after feeding the horses before Vin arrived.
The relationship between them had snuck up on them so subtly that neither had seen it coming. Chris had caught himself staring, watching the way Vin moved, one evening after the others had gone home from the barbeque earlier in the day. His eyes had swept over the tall, lean body and a flush of heat came over him. A piece of hay was tangled in Vin's hair and Chris reached out to brush it away. He was shocked by the almost electric tingle that raced across his nerves as Vin turned, causing Chris' fingers to catch along his jaw, Vin's lips lightly brushing the palm. Instinct urged him to snatch his hand back but curiosity forced him to keep it there. Vin closed his eyes and nuzzled into the warm palm.With a rattle and cough, the Jeep engine died. Vin grabbed his overnight bag and swung his long legs to the ground, his eyes already searching for Chris. He could see that the corral was empty, so he knew that the horses had already been attended to for the night. Wood smoke wafted on the gentle breeze and he drew in a deeper breath, letting the comforting scent wash over him. He remembered the first time he had spent the night here, not as a friend but as a lover.
He didn't know what provoked him to do it but, when he felt the slightly calloused fingertips brush along his cheek, he had nuzzled into it. When he opened his eyes, Chris' hand moved through his hair to the back of his neck, drawing him closer. In the light from the setting sun, he could see the spokes of brown and gold that mixed with the green to create a color that made him feel safe. Chris had shifted his weight, moving closer while offering the opportunity to pull away if he had wanted. Their lips met, tenuously at first, then they began to try to devour each other. Vin remembered feeling the strong arm snaking around his waist and the hard, throbbing body he melted against. The corral railing supported them as they explored each other's mouth. When they parted, Chris guided Vin's head to his shoulder, holding him there for a long moment."I guess this means you want to be more than friends," Vin had murmured into the warm leather.
"You coming in or have you changed your mind?" Chris asked as he stepped out onto the front porch. As much as he loved watching Vin, he preferred to be touching him now that they were alone together. They had decided to keep their relationship a secret for a while, not wanting to wreck it with the added pressure of having to defend it to the others.
Startled out of his reverie, Vin smiled as he walked toward the house. The instant that he left the last step, Chris enveloped him in a crushing embrace. The overnight bag slipped from Vin's hand as he reached out to draw his lover in close. Their lips met, grinding against each other, as their tongues battled and played. When they parted, both drew a deeper breath.
"Did you have a good drive out?" Chris asked as he allowed the lithe body to separate from his.
"Not too bad. I was ahead of the worst of the traffic," Vin answered as he reached down to get his bag.
The smell of food caressed him as soon as he stepped into the house and Vin's stomach rumbled as his mouth started to water. A rack of baby back ribs swam in sweet/tangy barbeque sauce in the crock-pot, which was still on to keep it bubbling hot. Baked potatoes and corn on the cob, each wrapped in foil to hold in the heat, waited in the oven. While Chris put the food on plates, Vin moved to the refrigerator to get out the pitcher of iced tea he knew would be waiting there.
Very few words were exchanged between them as the food was consumed. Chris loved watching Vin eat. The younger man seemed to truly relish every morsel he put in his mouth. There were other things he liked to see going into that talented mouth but he would settle for watching him eat.
"This is really good," Vin mumbled around a mouthful of tender, succulent meat. He licked his fingers, cleaning away the sauce before reaching for his tea.
"It's my mother's recipe," Chris explained. "A bottle of Mauls with a few secret ingredients thrown in to give it kick."
When the meal was finished and the table cleared, the men migrated into the living room. Chris went for the novel he had been reading and sank into the couch. Vin toed off his tennis shoes and claimed the other end of the couch, along with the remote to the television. He was soon engrossed in a program on the History Channel. Before he realized, he was asleep. Chris closed the book to glance at Vin. It was impossible to hold back the slight grin as he watched Vin's head bob ever so slightly as he slept sitting up.
"Vin, come on, let's get you into bed." Chris led the drowsy young man through the house and settled him on the side of the big bed.
"Musta been more tired than I realized," Vin said as he fumbled with the button on his jeans. It took him only a minute to shuck the jeans, underwear and socks into an inelegant pile on the floor. He peeled his tee shirt up over his head and dropped it on top of the rest of his clothes. As soon as he pulled back the sheet and blanket, Chris reached for him, his hands gliding along the washboard abs to Vin's hip so he could pull him closer.
Vin snuggled into Chris' side and immediately drifted back to sleep. They had passed the stage of mating like bunnies on Viagra and enjoyed simply cuddling. Besides, Vin was an early riser and Chris' day always got off to a better start after a morning session with his lover.
It was cool in the morning as they approached their vehicles. Vin stole a quick kiss before releasing Chris' hand. They had to maintain their routine, so Vin would go directly into the office and Chris would stop and pick up breakfast for everyone.
Driving to work, Vin's mind wandered back to the shower he had shared with Chris.
Hot water and lots of lather combined to make for a sensual encounter. Vin had used the lather to slick his hand and worked Chris to steel perfection while Chris had used the soap to lubricate his fingers to prepare Vin to receive him. With his feet widely spread and his hands braced against the tiled wall, the shower massage had hit Vin's back just right. Chris steadied himself by gripping Vin's hips as he pistoned in and out of the tight opening. When he was close, Chris wrapped one arm around Vin, gripping his shaft and working it with firm strokes. They came at almost the same time, Chris groaning deeply as Vin's muscles locked around him. Vin was an almost silent lover, only his deep, raspy breaths announced his orgasm.Realizing that he was getting turned on just remembering, Vin reached out and turned the radio on. He was soon tapping his toe to a familiar tune on the country station.
+ + + + + + +
It was a couple of weeks later that Chris met Vin at the door with a pained expression on his face. "What happened?" Vin asked as he followed his lover back into the living room.
"Headache. Just keeps throbbing," Chris said as he sat down and dug his knuckles into his eye sockets. Vin went to the kitchen and filled an ice pack with several cubes and some water, wrapping it in a newer-looking dishtowel.
"Lay back and put this on your forehead," Vin said, rearranging the throw pillows so Chris could lie back. When Chris shuddered, Vin pulled the afghan from the back of the couch to cover him. "I'll see to the horses, you stay put," he said. Chris nodded.
Supper was a sandwich for Vin and a bowl of soup with crackers for Chris. The pain medicine kicked in and Chris slept the rest of the evening. Vin debated leaving him on the couch but knew that he would be achy and miserable in the morning if he did.
"Chris? You need to go to bed," he said as he passed his hand up and down Chris' thigh. Chris sighed, shifting to his back and curling his pelvis, displaying his prominent erection. Vin rubbed his palm across the bulge, smiling as Chris arched into the touch. "Come on to bed, Chris," he said again, grabbing his wrist and pulling him up slowly.
Vin frowned when he was pushed onto his back some time later. Chris pinned him to the mattress, grinding their groins together. Gradually, Chris wormed his way in between the long legs, shifting to press his weeping cock head against Vin's anus. Even with the lubrication Chris' shaft was providing, Vin was still uncomfortable with the nearly dry penetration and tried to push his lover away. Suddenly, Chris grabbed both of his wrists and ground them into the mattress while continuing to drive his shaft into the resisting body.
"You're hurting me," Vin said as calmly as he could. "Chris, please!" When Chris wouldn't stop, Vin dug his heels into the mattress and flipped Chris off of him. Rolling off of the bed in a defensive crouch, Vin waited to see what his lover would do.
"Vin?" Chris murmured. "Vin?" he called again as he rolled to his knees and glanced across the bed. When he pushed to his feet, Vin also rose, backing away. "Did I wake you? Damn, I haven't fallen out of bed since I was a kid."
Watching as Chris tugged the bedding straight again, Vin's eyebrows furrowed. Chris crawled back into bed, holding the blankets up as an invitation for him to get in. As the adrenaline rush faded, Vin let himself relax. He took a step toward the bed and slid under the blanket. Chris drew him in close, placing light kisses on the top of Vin's head as he guided it to his shoulder. Within moments, the blond was asleep. Vin lay awake for a while longer, waiting for his heartbeat to return to a normal pace.
A beam of bright morning sun shone through the opening in the curtains, falling across the bed and warming the blankets lying across his lower back. Chris raised his head from his pillow, looking around, puzzled. The sheets at his side were cool, a sign that Vin had been up for several minutes or longer. He could hear the shower running. Chris let his head return to the pillow, feeling the beginning of a headache behind his eyes. He heard the bathroom door open and lay still, listening to his lover moving around the room.
"Hey Chris, better get moving, you're gonna be late," Vin said as he checked his weapon before sliding it into the holster under his arm. He watched Chris roll over and sit up, recognizing the tension that announced another headache. "You ought to talk to Nathan about that, he might could give you something to prevent it."
"It's just stress, it'll pass," Chris murmured as he stood. Vin picked up his jacket and started for the door, pausing to stare at Chris before giving a nod and walking up the hall. Sighing deeply, Chris headed for the bathroom to get ready.
A Nerf football soared through the air to land in Josiah's outstretched hands. Buck raised his arms, signaling a touchdown, as JD shook his head. They were supposed to be going over the inventory lists for the stores they would be visiting later in the day. Chris had been called into a meeting as soon as he arrived, so they were goofing off until he got back. When the team leader came in a little before ten, he called to Vin and motioned him into the office. Vin rose, his head cocked in confusion. Chris didn't look angry, so he didn't think it was something he had done wrong. JD quickly pulled up a sound wave on his computer and giggled as a funeral dirge played from the speakers. Vin scowled at the younger man as he went into Chris' office and closed the door behind him.
Chris grabbed Vin and pressed him against the wall, smothering his protest when he ground his lips against Vin's, his tongue driving forcefully into Vin's mouth. He thrust one leg between Vin's thighs, pushing his legs apart and groping his groin.
"Chris-" Vin hissed as he turned his head to evade the probing tongue.
"Missed you in the shower this morning," Chris murmured as he nipped along Vin's tightly corded neck muscles. "Need you," he whispered as he tugged the belt from Vin's pants.
"We can't do this here! Chris!" Vin protested, foisting off the aggressive hands. He hadn't had to fight anyone off like that since high school; it was like wrestling with an octopus. He could feel the hard on pressed against his hip. "Chris! Chris, listen!" he whispered urgently, "Let me take care of you. Just sit down and let me do you." A second later, he was able to draw a deep breath as his lover finally backed off. Chris dropped into his desk chair and, with shaking hands, opened his belt and pushed his pants and underwear out of the way. Vin paused to lock the office door, amazed that he was even considering this. Sinking to his knees, he reached out to gently stroke Chris' penis, feeling the steady throb of his heartbeat in the steely organ.
Afterwards, Vin had to reach up to untangle Chris' fingers from his hair. The blond was breathing deeply, his head thrown back against the chair with eyes closed. Vin passed his hands up and down the spread thighs before settling back on his heels. He waited for the hazel eyes to open.
"Thanks," Chris whispered. "We better get back to work before they start asking questions."
Anger, hurt and shame washed over Vin as he came to his feet and righted his clothes. He half expected his lover to hand him a quarter, as he felt like a two-bit whore. He waited until Chris had his clothes in order before opening the door. Casting one more glance across the room, he strode out, closing the door behind him.
Buck noticed the hurt look on Vin's face and looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. Seeing the others engrossed in their computer screens, he turned his attention back to Vin. The younger man had gone into the kitchenette. Glaring briefly at the door to the team leader's office, he got up and went to talk to Vin.
"Hey, you all right, Junior?" Buck asked softly. He caught the slight tension in Vin's body and didn't come any closer. "Chris didn't bawl you out, did he?"
"Nah, I'm fine, Bucklin," Vin said, pasting on a smile as he turned to face the other man. "He just wanted to go over some of my notes. You know how bad my handwriting is."
Buck was shocked at the bald-faced lie but he didn't let it show. He reached for a coffee cup from the rack on the wall and moved to the pot, "Don't let him get to you, Vin. He can be a real bastard without even realizing."
"It wasn't anything," Vin replied, "I'm fine." He picked up the coffee he had poured and slipped past Buck to get back to his desk.
"Well, it appears that you and I have been given the same stores today, Vin," Ezra said as he caught Tanner's eye. "I'm ready to depart whenever you are."
"Let's go then," Vin said, not even sitting down. He grabbed his jacket and made a beeline for the door. "You're driving," he called over his shoulder.
"As if there was any possibility of my getting into that rust-bucket he drives," Ezra commented to the others, his grin belying the sarcastic tone. He gave a nod to Buck as he spotted the other man coming out of the kitchenette.
They rode in silence for a long while before Ezra spoke, "You have the bearing of a man with a lot on his mind."
"I'm fine," Vin answered. "Just didn't sleep well last night."
"In that neighborhood, it isn't any wonder. Would you mind if I turn on the radio?" Ezra waited to see Vin wave his hand and nod before reaching out to push the power button. Instantly, the vehicle was filled with soft strains of a string symphony.
"Do you care if I close my eyes for a little while?" Vin asked. Almost without waiting for an answer, he slouched a little farther into the seat and ground his head against the headrest.
At the end of the day, Vin was animated, laughing and joking with Ezra about some of the excuses they had gotten at the places they had checked that day. Ezra dropped Vin at the office to retrieve his Jeep before heading for his own place. He was sitting at a light when he saw the familiar, ragtop vehicle getting on the highway. Knowing that the highway was out of the way to Vin's apartment, Ezra figured Vin was going to the Wells' place to check on Nettie.
+ + + + + + +
The ranch was quiet when he arrived. Vin grabbed his bag and raced up the steps. Once inside, he inhaled the heady scent of Italian spices and his mouth flooded with saliva. Chris called out that it would be a while so he made his way to the bedroom to put away his things. Securing his weapon in the wall safe, he drifted back out to the kitchen. Chris was slathering French bread with garlic and butter spread and the smell only added to the delicious aroma assaulting his senses. While the food cooked, they chatted about their day over an icy cold beer. Chris apologized for his behavior after the meeting, saying that he didn't know what had come over him and Vin forgave him immediately. It was a pleasant reminder of the earliest days of their relationship, when they made love at the drop of a hat, any hat, any time. Vin smiled as he remembered stammering excuses at work one morning after a particularly rowdy night between the sheets.
Supper was scrumptious and Vin wiped every bit of sauce from his plate with the last scrap of bread before surrendering the dish to be washed. After the dishwasher was loaded and started, they went to the barn to tend to the horses. Peso nudged Vin several times, preventing him from clipping the lead rope onto the halter. When all of the horses were in their stall and fed, Chris and Vin watched the sun set while leaning on the corral railing.
That night, as they cuddled in bed, Chris began to tease Vin. Using his teeth and tongue, he nipped and licked his way from Vin's ear down the side of his neck to his collarbone. Vin squirmed under the gentle onslaught, his hands gripping Chris by the shoulders to guide him. Nipples and navel received attention until Vin was writhing and begging for Chris to finish. His lover complied, taking Vin's shaft into his mouth and working it thoroughly with his tongue. Groping along the sheets for the lube he had tossed on the bed, he slicked up his fingers and slid them into Vin's body, causing him to arch up from the mattress, gasping at the dual sensation. When Chris nudged his prostate, Vin's orgasm burst forth. Chris continued to stimulate his lover, sucking him harder while growling. The vibration traveled down the shaft, causing Vin to clench tightly on his fingers.
Bathed in a light sheen of sweat, Vin uncurled his hands from the sheets. Chris guided his knees to his chest and slid into him slowly. Vin stared into Chris' eyes, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. Chris leaned forward, his mouth covering those moist lips. Vin gripped with his thighs, curling his hips to meet each gentle thrust as he sucked on the tongue that he had managed to capture. Chris moaned as he came, rocking against Vin. As Vin's thighs loosened, Chris braced himself on his arms to stare down at his sated lover.
+ + + + + + +
A week passed, and the team finished checking the gun shops on their lists. Chris stayed late Friday evening to compile the report to drop off to Travis. He told Vin to go on, that he would get home as soon as possible. Vin managed a quick grope before leaving his lover to finish the reports.
Vin was in the barn, finishing up feeding, when Chris pulled into the garage. Grinning in anticipation, he hurriedly scooped grain into each of the stalls. He hoped that his lover was in the mood for a long night of slow, toe clenching sex. Brushing the loose hay from his pants, he headed for the door, only to find a very angry Larabee striding toward him.
"Chris? Is something wrong?" Vin asked, recognizing the look in the hazel eyes.
"What in the hell were you thinking? What if Travis had walked in while you were playing your little juvenile game? Are you trying to 'out' us?" Chris shouted as he got right in Vin's face.
"Chris ... I ... I'm sorry. I didn't think about it. There wasn't anyone there and it was just a-"
"Just a tease? Is that what you were going to say?" Chris pushed Vin back into the barn. Before Tanner even had an idea of what was going through his lover's mind, he was busy foisting off hands that pawed at his jeans. Chris pushed him up against the wall of the tack room, trapping his arms with his body and one hand while the other hand opened his zipper and tugged his pants down to his thighs. Suddenly, Vin was spun around, facing the wall with Chris' body pressed tightly against his back.
"Chris, let's take this up to the house, okay?" Vin suggested, not liking the rough handling. But his lover didn't release him, he continued to fumble with his pants. When Vin felt the hard shaft pushing between his cheeks, he began to struggle in earnest. Chris had never taken him dry and he wasn't about to let him do it now. "Get the fuck off of me!" Vin said angrily as he braced his hands against the wall and pushed.
Enraged, Chris flung his fist at Vin, catching him a glancing blow to the side of his head. He followed it with a jab that bloodied Vin's nose. Vin, dazed and confused by his lover's actions, lashed out in pain, driving his fist into Chris' jaw and sending him to his ass in the dirt. He immediately left the barn, headed for the house where he'd left his car keys.
By the time he got to the foyer, Vin was feeling dizzy and sick. He detoured to the bathroom for a towel to catch the blood pouring from his nose. Standing over the sink, he applied pressure to the bridge of his nose, trying to at least slow the flow of blood. He lost track of the time as he watched the bright red droplets land on the pale porcelain. His eyes burned with tears that he refused to let fall. He was startled by a hand gently stroking his back. "Don't!" he warned, seeing his lover in the mirror.
"I'm so sorry, Vin. I don't know what came over me. Here, let's get some ice on that," Chris said as he offered the icepack with his other hand. Shrinking from his lover, Vin took the icepack and pressed it to the bridge of his nose. Shuddering as the cold penetrated, he felt Chris' arm sliding around his back, steering him out of the bathroom. He resisted only slightly as he was guided to the recliner in the living room. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Oh God, what have I done?" Chris murmured as he ran his hand up and down Vin's back.
The ice helped and the bleeding stopped. Chris left his side long enough to fill a large bowl with warm, soapy water. With Vin's permission, he gently wiped the blood from Vin's face and hands. He eased the bloody shirt off, tossing it in the washer and starting it with cold water. When he returned to the living room, Vin wasn't in the recliner. In a panic, Chris hurried to the front door. Seeing Vin's keys still in the bowl on the table, he raced for the bedroom they shared. The sight of the empty bed had him panicked again, until he heard the squeak of the bedsprings in the guest bedroom.
"Vin? You don't have to sleep in here. Come in the other room, please? I'm sorry I hurt you. Please come to bed with me and let me make it up to you," Chris begged as he stood in the doorway.
"Don't feel like it," Vin mumbled. He almost flinched when Chris sat on the side of the bed and passed his hand along his side.
"Just let me hold you. Please, Vin."
In the end, Vin did get up and move into the other room. He slid in between the sheets, still fully clothed, except for his boots. Chris sat on the side of the bed, gently carding through his hair until he fell asleep. Some time later, Vin felt his lover scooting closer and allowed his body to be cuddled.
Chris was apologetic all weekend, waiting on Vin hand and foot. Vin accepted his apology and grudgingly allowed himself to be pampered. By the time they returned to work on Monday, he had all but forgotten the incident. Fortunately, neither of them had bruises to show for their Friday night fight.
+ + + + + + +
Monday afternoon, Orin told Chris that he, Vin and Ezra would have to go to St. Louis to testify in a case that had won a change of venue. They flew out the next afternoon. The hotel gave them a suite with two bedrooms and a foldout couch. Vin offered to take the couch, since he knew Ezra would be miserable and whiney if he had to sleep there. They had supper in the hotel restaurant, catching most of the baseball game on the plasma screen TV's. When they returned to the room, they reviewed the files and their own notes before retiring for the night. Vin settled into the surprisingly comfortable bed and tried to sleep. It was going to be a long week, sleeping so close to Chris and not able to sleep with him was pure torture.
The first day consisted of sitting in the courtroom while the attorneys laid out the case for the jury. Chris claimed the end of one of the benches, resting his left ankle on his right knee and draping his arm along the back of the seat. Vin and Ezra exchanged a glance before Vin took the seat next to the team leader. Ezra tried to leave space between them but the courtroom was packed, forcing him to sit so close that their elbows brushed any time either of them moved. Ezra opened his leather portfolio and began doodling on the page. Chris surreptitiously watched his lover from behind his sunglasses. It was painfully obvious that Vin was nervous about testifying.
+ + + + + + +
The Benson brothers were dealing drugs and selling weapons to kids in Purgatorio and Vin had gotten involved because of his ties to the community. The kids reported to him about the men, their descriptions and descriptions of their vehicles. Ezra had gone undercover, posing as a buyer looking to stock up his gang. The first meet had gone well and Preston Benson agreed to sell a dozen modified semi-automatic guns. At that first interaction, the Benson's had brought only their muscle. The night of the bust, they brought their crew, four teenagers from the neighborhood. Paul Benson made the mistake of trying to use one of the kids as a shield and Vin had taken him out. At first, the higher-ups questioned his use of lethal force but had eventually cleared him.
+ + + + + + +
Chris' fingers rubbed the lightest of circles on Vin's shoulder, providing distraction. After the opening statements and other legalities were out of the way, all of the people who would be giving testimony were dismissed to the hall. Ezra rose, immediately ready to go in search of a cup of coffee. Chris caught Vin's eye once they reached the hall and both of them made for the restroom. The new federal courthouse had separate restrooms for officers of the court and it was one of these that Chris pushed Vin into.
"Chris! What-" Vin tried to ask before he found himself pinned to the wall. Chris undid his belt and tugged urgently at his pants. "Chris, we can't!" Vin protested softly.
"Just a quickie," Chris answered as he pumped liquid soap from the dispenser on his fingers.
Vin debated resisting and figured that he was more likely to draw attention to them than if he just submitted. Sighing, he canted his hips, spreading himself for Chris. He winced a little as the quick penetration burned. He braced his arms against the wall, resting his forehead on them and staring at the floor between his shoes. Chris reached his climax quickly, leaning heavily on Vin before reaching around to grasp Vin's flaccid shaft.
"You didn't even get hard. What's wrong with you?" Chris whispered as he began to stroke the limp organ. Vin flinched, causing Chris to slip out of his body. The sharp elbow that Vin sent into his ribs startled him.
Shame and anger washed over Vin in alternating waves as he fumbled with his pants. Scowling at Chris, he grabbed a couple of paper towels to wipe away the soap and semen trickling out of his ass. Flushing the commode, he jerked at his pants, furiously jamming his shirttails down. Once he had his belt secured, he turned on the water and stared at the sink as he scrubbed his hands. Vin tensed when he felt Chris' hand on his back.
"What's wrong? Vin?" Chris followed Vin out of the restroom, frowning. Ezra looked up as Vin strode past him to stand and stare out of the window that faced the river. "He's a little tense," Chris told Ezra as he sat down.
Lunch was an unqualified disaster. Vin didn't speak and neither did Chris, leaving Ezra trying to hold up both ends of a conversation. On their way back to the court building, Vin stopped at a newsstand and picked up a paper and a magazine. The rest of the afternoon was spent sitting in an uneasy silence. When the bailiff excused them for the day, Vin leapt up and announced that he wanted to walk back to the hotel. Ezra opened his mouth to protest but Chris cut him off with a glare.
When they reached the rental car, Ezra asked the question that he'd been holding back, "What's going on between the two of you?"
"Me and Vin? Nothing. He's just a little keyed up," Chris replied as he got in and buckled his seatbelt.
"I have seen Vin keyed up before, Chris, and he doesn't behave that way. Is it wise to let him go off on his own like that?"
"He'll be fine, he's a big boy," Chris answered, ending the discussion.
Ezra called the others at the office to let them know that they hadn't gotten to testify. While he was talking, Chris announced that he was going to the restaurant downstairs for a drink. As soon as the door closed behind Larabee he asked, "Josiah, have you noticed anything strange in the way Chris has been acting toward Vin?"
"No. Why do you ask?"
"I don't know. Vin has been tense and irritable all day and Chris doesn't seem at all concerned about it. I just have the feeling that something is going on between them," Ezra explained.
Vin returned to the hotel a few hours later and headed straight for the bathroom. Ezra debated knocking on the door and asking if he was all right but decided to wait until he came out on his own. A little while later, Chris returned, glancing over to see Vin's jacket thrown across the couch before going in his room and closing the door. Vin came out of the bathroom dressed in the sweats he slept in, his hair still damp from the shower, glancing around the room curiously.
"He came in about ten minutes ago and went in his room. Is that what you wanted to know?" Ezra asked. Vin nodded, grabbing the pile of blankets that went on the couch bed and curling up with them. "Aren't you going to fold it out?" Ezra asked. Seeing Vin shake his head and burrow into the pillow, he got up and walked over, sitting in the chair nearest the couch. "If there is anything you want to talk about, I am capable of listening without interruptions," he offered with a teasing smile.
"Nah, thanks Ezra, but I'm just worn out. I think I'll turn in," Vin said. Ezra took the hint and turned off the TV and the lamp he'd had on.
"Good night, Vin," he called as he closed the door.
The next day, Ezra was called in to testify around mid morning. He had left his laptop for Vin, who was engrossed in one of the video games. He could tell that the sharpshooter had not slept well. Ezra had inquired at the front desk for directions to the nearest Starbucks so they could all get a decent cup of coffee before returning to the court building. Vin had ordered the largest, strongest brew on the menu and soaked it up like a dry sponge. Ezra was relieved that whatever was bothering the other two men seemed to have been worked out, they were much more relaxed around each other.
Vin was called to give his testimony after lunch. He and Chris exchanged a long glance before he entered the courtroom. Preston Benson glared at him angrily as he took the stand and was sworn in. The prosecuting attorney led him through the case from the beginning. Vin consulted the file cards he held whenever he needed to clarify something. The defense attorney tried to rattle the sharpshooter, alleging that he killed Benson because he held a grudge against the man for selling in Tanner's neighborhood. Vin stayed calm, answering the questions in a soft, even tone of voice. He expressed remorse over having taken the man's life, saying that he didn't like to make kill shots.
When the attorney came out at the end of the day, he told Vin that the jury had been seriously swayed by his testimony. He told Chris that he was the only one who had to come in the next day before disappearing into the crowd at the elevator. Ezra congratulated Vin, causing him to blush. Chris only gave him a knowing smile that made Vin's heart beat a little faster.
"You know, they have a gambling boat anchored right on the river over there," Chris said as he looked around the curtain on the window. Immediately, Ezra was at his side, staring at the brightly lit area on the other side of the Mississippi.
"Since my presence is no longer required at the court tomorrow, I believe I will try my luck on that floating casino," Ezra announced as he pulled on his suit coat.
"Umm, Ezra? You might want to leave that here," Vin said, staring pointedly at the shoulder holster housing the 9mm. Standish sighed as he tugged off the coat and shrugged out of the holster. In a few minutes, he was slipping out the door.
Before Ezra had even stepped into the elevator, Chris dragged Vin into the bedroom and kicked the door closed. Clothes were hastily shed as they kissed and touched each other. Chris jerked the sleeve of his Oxford off without unbuttoning the cuff, tossing the shirt toward where he had dropped his pants, he wasn't wearing any underwear. "Get on the bed," Chris ordered, his voice husky with need.
The hair on the back of his neck stood up but Vin backed up until his calves touched the bed and he sat down. He watched as Chris bent down to pick something up from the floor. His eyes widened at the tie and belt in his lover's hands.
"What are you gonna do with those?" Vin asked.
"Just lie back," Chris replied, "And close your eyes."
His arousal faded in the face of his fear. Vin slowly shook his head, "Chris, I can't ... don't want to-" His protest fell on deaf ears as Chris leapt toward him. Taking advantage of his surprise, Chris easily overpowered Vin, pinning him on the mattress face down with his hands at the small of his back. Vin tried to buck him off, digging into the carpeted floor with his feet and pushing but only succeeded in moving the entire bed sideways. The lamp on the far nightstand teetered but didn't fall. Vin struggled as he felt the slick material of the tie coming around his wrists. "Chris ... quit! I don't want to do this!" Vin yelled.
An old memory surfaced, one that Tanner had buried deeply in his mind. Terror and rage vied for control as he furiously twisted his hands in the material that now held them securely.
It was in his bounty hunting days, when he worked alone and had no one to watch his back. He had been going after Eli Joe Juarez, who was wanted for jumping bail on a rape and murder charge. Vin had cornered the man in a roadside dive. As he was preparing to cuff Juarez, the door to the bathroom opened and a teenaged girl appeared. She stood, owl eyed in fear and clutching a towel to her damp body. Eli Joe made use of the distraction to turn the tables, launching an elbow into Vin's face that dazed him. In the free-for-all that followed, the girl grabbed her things and ran, leaving the outer door open. Using the lamp from the nightstand, Eli Joe clubbed Vin until he was nearly unconscious before turning him to his stomach against the side of the bed. He used the cord from the lamp to tie Vin's hands."I was gonna do that pretty little girl but I guess you'll have to do," Juarez hissed as he tugged the jeans over Vin's hips. With only saliva for lubrication, Eli Joe jammed his finger into Vin's ass, rousing him from his deep stupor.
His attacker had one knee on the jeans, keeping Vin from being able to use his legs. When Vin tried to raise his chest from the mattress, Eli Joe wrapped the phone cord around his neck and began to tighten it. Red spots slowly darkened as his oxygen-starved lungs began to ache. The darkness deepened. Just as Vin's body settled limply into the bed, four cops burst into the room, guns drawn.
The rape exam had been one of the most humiliating experiences of his life. Vin felt the rage welling up as Chris set a knee in the small of his back. Through the red haze, he felt the shaking hand ghost over his head and realized that Chris was trying to soothe him.
"That's it, just relax," Chris murmured as he lovingly stroked Vin's hair.
Drawing a deep breath, Vin willed his tense muscles to go limp. He trembled; because of the sheen of sweat he'd worked up during the struggle, and felt Chris' weight shift. Although the rabid terror was easing, he still didn't like having his hands tied. When Chris eased off of the mattress to kneel behind him, Vin tried to coax his lover into unbinding him.
"Chris, untie me, please? I won't go anywhere, I promise," Vin said, as calmly as he could. He felt Chris leaning for something and turned his head to see that it was lube. He tried to stay relaxed as the slick fingers breached him. "Chris? Come on. I want to touch you," Vin said. Instead of an answer, he got another finger, stretching and probing him deeply. He was unable to hold back the slight moan as Chris began to rub circles against his prostate. When he began to thrust against the imbedded fingers, his lover withdrew them, moving directly behind him. Vin gasped at the slow, deep penetration. His pleasure was disrupted by a muscle spasm in his shoulder that had him writhing a moment later. "Untie my fucking hands, you bastard!" Vin growled as the pain stole his breath. He felt Chris fumbling with the tie and, finally, his hands were free. Chris' hands dug into his back, instantly soothing the ache, allowing him to relax.
"That's it, ride it out for me," Chris whispered as he curled over Vin's back, bringing one of Vin's hands up to twine their fingers. "Feels good, doesn't it?"
By the time his lover pulled out and let him move, Vin was exhausted. Chris had kept him on edge for the better part of an hour before letting him climax. The lube had melted away, leaving him raw and sore. Chris tenderly cuddled him on the bed before letting him go take a shower. After the shower, all he wanted to do was flop on the couch and sleep but Chris had other plans.
"Come on, there's another game tonight. Let's go down to the sports bar and grab a beer," Chris suggested as soon as Vin stepped out of the shower.
"No thanks, I'm just gonna crash," Vin answered as he headed for the couch.
"Suit yourself. Let me help you fold it out." Chris helped open the couch bed before he left the suite, telling Vin that he would be back later.
Vin eased out of bed and dug through his bag for the bottle of Tylenol he had brought along. Between the extended intercourse and the muscle spasm, he was sure to be sore tomorrow. He was deeply asleep by the time the other two men returned to the suite.
The bed shifted and Vin was instantly awake. He felt the cool air of the room rush in when Chris lifted the blankets to slip in beside him. His lover spooned around him, matching his position perfectly. As Vin began to relax into the familiar warmth, he felt Chris' erection pushing between his cheeks.
"No," he moaned softly, trying to shift away but Chris wrapped an arm around him and held him in place. Vin's legs jerked in response to the pain. No matter how badly he wanted to struggle, he couldn't risk Ezra hearing them. Vin turned his face to his pillow to muffle the sounds he couldn't hold back as Chris pushed into him. Over the blood roaring in his ears, Vin heard the soothing whispers and felt the gentle kisses at the nape of his neck. Chris petted him and nuzzled against him for a few minutes afterward, then slipped back to his own bed in the other room.
In the bathroom the next morning, Vin winced as he sat on the commode. He felt miserable and achy and wanted only to crawl back into bed and sleep the day away. After Chris had left him, he laid awake for a long time debating about whether he should break off the relationship. He knew that he couldn't continue to work with the man after what Chris had done to him over the past few weeks. Over the ache in his heart, he wondered if he had somehow missed seeing this violent streak in the blond. Vin tensed as he wiped, not surprised to see small streaks of blood on the paper. He was startled at the knock on the bathroom door.
"Vin, you all right?" Chris called.
"I'm fine. I'll be right out," he called back.
"You know, you don't have to go in today. Why don't you just stay here and rest?" Chris offered. "Ezra's going back to the casino when it opens so you'll have the room all to yourself."
"Okay," Vin answered, "Thanks Chris."
He waited until he heard his lover leave before he came out, going directly to his bag for the Tylenol. Washing them down with a glass of water, Vin gathered up the blankets and pillows and headed for Chris' bed. He came back just long enough to fold up the couch and straighten the room before he slipped into the bedroom Chris used and locked the door behind him.
Ezra got up and showered, dressing casually for his return to the casino. Chris had left him the rental car, taking a cab to the court building. Puzzled at seeing Vin's jacket still hanging on a chair, he moved to the other bedroom door and tried to open it. The fact that it was locked made him curious ... and worried. Retrieving his lock picks from his bag, he wasted no time in springing the lock and opening the door. Vin lay in the center of the bed, buried in blankets and pillows. Worried that his friend was ill, Ezra crossed the room and carefully pressed his palm to Vin's forehead. Before he could even realize whether or not the man had a fever, Ezra found himself being flipped and pinned to the mattress, his arm twisted up behind him in a hammerlock.
"Vin!" Ezra yelled, fearing that he was about to be on the receiving end of a painful blow to his head. "It's me!" He felt the fight go out of the man kneeling on his back as the pressure on his arm eased.
"Ezra? How in the hell did you get in here? I thought I locked that door!" Vin said as he rolled off of the bed, dragging his hands through his hair.
Rolling off of the bed on the other side, Ezra slowly moved his arm and shoulder, testing whether or not the joint was in danger of separating. "I popped the lock. I was concerned for your well-being. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have wakened you that way," he said as he studied Vin.
"You're lucky you didn't get your danged self killed," Vin warned. "If I'da wanted company, I'da posted a sign." With the adrenaline rush fading, Vin took a step back and leaned against the wall. "I'm sorry too. I didn't hurt'cha, did I?"
Smiling, Ezra shook his head, "No, I seem to have escaped harm this time. Next time I wish to inquire on the state of your health, I'll knock." He watched as Vin yawned and stretched, suddenly not keen to leave the younger man alone. "Since I have already disrupted your slumber, may I make it up to you by treating you to lunch?"
When Chris returned to the suite, he was surprised to find it empty. He called Vin's cell phone and followed the musical ring tone to find it lying on the floor beside his bed. Frustrated, he rang Ezra. He was relieved to find out that Vin was with him and that they were having a good time.
Vin had exchanged glances with the man at the restaurant after overhearing him and the other man talking about horses. When the waitress interrupted with their drinks, he got up and introduced himself to them. In no time at all, he and Ezra were seated at their table, discussing the differences between Quarter horses and Arabians. After lunch, the men invited Vin to come out to see the stock they had at their barn. Ezra was surprised to find a horse barn so close to a major metropolis.
It was easy to see that Vin was right at home with the two men. Ezra had hung back while the three of them lunged a spectacular Arab. When the redheaded man offered to let him ride, Vin eagerly accepted. They led the horse out to the far pasture and Vin stepped up into the saddle. The stallion, unused to being out in the big field, immediately set out across the pasture at a fast lope. Ezra watched the horse for a while, then shifted his attention to the two men. He smiled when he recognized the tell-tail signs of a close relationship between them. After several minutes, his eyes widened as he recognized the same signals coming from Chris and Vin. Ezra shook his head to clear the preposterous idea from his mind. There was no way that his boss and the team sharpshooter were gay.
In spite of the discomfort, Vin was thrilled to be riding the powerful stallion. As he came around the end of the pasture, he noticed that Ezra had his cell phone in his hand. He softly cursed, realizing that he had left the suite without his phone, wondering if Chris had tried to reach him. Slowing the horse to a canter, then to a walk, he approached the trio standing at the gate.
"That was Chris. He wanted to let us know that the case was going to the jury and he's back at the hotel. He also said not to hurry back, he was going to grab a late lunch," Ezra said as Vin looked at him.
"What do you think?" Mark asked.
"He's a beauty! Never rode an Arabian before," Vin answered, smiling as he dismounted and led the horse to the gate. "He moves so smoothly."
They spent another couple of hours looking at horses before Vin decided that they should probably be getting back. He thanked Mark and his partner, accepting the business card they offered in case he should ever be in the market for an Arab. Ezra couldn't keep from smiling as Vin commented on the horses.
By the time they reached the hotel, the verdict had already come back, guilty on all charges. Ezra invited Vin to join him at the sports bar to celebrate but Vin begged off, wanting to get back to the suite to talk to Chris. Ezra pointed out that Chris was already at the bar, motioning for them to join him.
It was quite late by the time the three of them returned to their suite. Chris had consumed a considerable amount of whiskey and was enjoying the game on the plasma screen televisions. Vin wasn't drinking much, he had been nursing a couple of beers all evening. Ezra had a couple of frozen drinks. They ordered steaks to celebrate. When they reached the suite, they all crawled immediately into bed.
+ + + + + + +
Flying stand-by, they made it back to Denver before lunch the next day. Buck came out to pick them up, relaying that Travis had given them the rest of the week off. As he was getting off the highway to drop Ezra off, Vin asked to be dropped at his place.
"I thought you were coming out to the ranch?" Chris asked.
"I've been gone for a few days, if I don't show my face there soon, they'll be squattin' at my place," Vin answered.
Alone at his apartment, Vin stared at the blank sheet of paper before him. He wanted to draft his resignation letter before he tried to type it up, to organize his thoughts on paper. He had to come up with a reason Travis would accept without too many questions. He didn't want to cause any problems for Chris and the team. Three hours later, he threw the tablet across the room, angry that he couldn't put his thoughts into words.
+ + + + + + +
Saturday rolled around and Chris called, begging Vin to come and spend the day with him. He suggested that they take the horses and ride the property line, to check the fences. As much as he wanted to turn down the invitation, he needed to give Chris one last chance to change his ways. He packed his overnight bag and raced out, missing his lover terribly in spite of everything.
Chris had the horses ready when Vin arrived. He had gotten up early to take the tent and camping gear out to where he planned on spending the night with his lover. Chris had called Vin several times over the past two days, practically begging him to come out but had been turned down each time. He sensed that Vin was distancing himself and hoped that the romantic night in the mountains would be just the thing to get them back to 'normal.' His heart raced when he heard the Jeep coming up the drive.
The welcoming smile made Vin's heart soar. He tossed his bag into the bedroom, hurrying to get out to the corral where Chris waited. They came together, hands touching, lips grinding, as if each were trying to climb into the other man's skin. Vin felt the erection Chris already had and began to experience some niggling doubts.
Feeling his lithe lover pull away, Chris loosened his hold, gentling his kiss and letting his hands glide up and down Vin's back. "God, I've missed you," he said, staring intently into the sky-colored eyes. "Come on, let's get going. We've got a lot of fences to check before tomorrow."
It was a truly pleasant morning. Vin found himself relaxing as they rode side by side. Chris talked with him about the Arabian horses, asking if he thought they should get a few for the ranch. He had done some research on the warm bloods and thought they might compliment the bloodlines they already had. Vin thought of the stallion he had ridden and could only smile. They reached the corner of the property line and shared a thermos of coffee, watching as the sunlight crept along the valley.
Around noon, Vin spotted the red and white tent in the distance. "You got folks camping on your property?" he asked.
"Nope," Chris answered.
"You sure about that?" Vin asked again.
"Yep, I brought the stuff up here earlier. I thought we could spend the night up here."
Vin said nothing but his stomach began to do a slow roll. They took the tack off of the horses and ground-tied them near the tent. Chris started the fire while Vin gathered more deadfall to keep it going. From the saddlebags, Chris took a couple of steaks that were just thawed enough to cook along with a couple of baked potatoes still wrapped in foil.
They had a pleasant lunch. Vin laughed as a butterfly startled Peso. Pony stood watching his stablemate as he snorted and stomped. Finally, the flying creature fled and the horses settled back to grazing. The thin cry of a hawk floated on the air. Vin scoured the sky until he spotted the small dot drifting on the warm updrafts.
"Are you all right?" Chris asked.
"Huh? Oh, I'm fine," Vin said.
"You wanna go in the tent and lay down?"
Vin swallowed ... hard. This was the chance for Chris to show him that he could be gentle and not hurt him again. Pushing up from the log he had been sitting on, he tossed out the dregs of his coffee. A battery-powered lantern softly lit the inside of the tent. An air mattress was covered with two, heavy-duty sleeping bags. Chris was kneeling in the corner, doing something Vin couldn't see. When his lover moved, Vin saw the small warming pot with the votive candle under it. A few seconds later, his nose picked up the scent of chocolate. Chris brought out a bowl filled with slices of bananas and whole strawberries.
"It'll be a few minutes before this is ready," Chris said, patting the air mattress. Vin toed off his boots and peeled off his insulated vest before kneeling on the bed. Chris smiled as he slipped between the flannel-lined sleeping bags and pulled Vin into his embrace. He steered Vin's head to his shoulder, twining their legs together for warmth. "I missed doing this. I thought maybe you were tired of me already," Chris murmured.
Words stuck in his throat as his eyes burned with tears. Vin tightened the grip he had on his lover's body, grinding his face against Chris' chest and inhaling the comforting scent there. He had already forgiven all of the rough, thoughtless couplings of the past few weeks. Chris stuck one arm out from under the sleeping bag to stir the melting chocolate. Using the metal skewers, he dipped a piece of banana and a strawberry, letting the excess drip off before offering it to Vin. The sweet juice of the strawberry filled his mouth for an instant, right before Chris' tongue came to chase it away.
The lovers cuddled and nibbled on their sweet confections for an hour before they began to shed their clothing. Chris nudged Vin to his back and moved to straddle his hips. Vin looked up, confused, as his lover reached back for something. Confusion turned to shock, then to pleasure as Chris mounted him. Although Vin usually preferred to be taken, he did occasionally like to reverse the positions. As Chris' internal muscles gripped his shaft, he groaned softly. When Chris was seated solidly on his hips, he reached for the small pot of melted chocolate. Vin flinched at the first warm drops but the chocolate wasn't hot enough to burn, Chris had already blown out the candle. Chris leaned forward, licking away the sticky sweet drizzles. Vin bent his knees and began to thrust, while trying to arch into Chris' mouth at the same time.
Bathed in the satisfaction that Chris loved him, Vin slept contentedly for the first time in a long time. In his dreams, he saw them, older but still together, looking over a corral filled with the beautiful horses they would breed.
It took an hour to pack up all of the camping gear and arrange it on the horses for the ride back in the morning. Chris had surprised Vin by going down on him that morning, something his older lover didn't do often. Vin couldn't keep the smile off of his face as they rode down the trail toward the house. The rest of the team arrived a few hours later, bringing the fixings for a barbeque. Buck and JD enticed Vin into a game of touch football against Nathan, Josiah and Chris. Ezra generously agreed to tend the grill rather than risk grinding grass stains into his trousers. As the southerner sat on the deck, he watched his teammates play. He looked for the signs that he had seen in the gay couple at the barn while they were in St. Louis. While they did touch each other a lot, it didn't look any different than when Buck and JD tussled and he KNEW Buck wasn't gay.
After supper, the team gathered around the table for a few hands of poker, for chips, to Ezra's dismay. When the majority of the chips were piled in front of Vin, they called it a night. Ezra was completely befuddled; he had never had trouble reading his teammates before. But Vin simply exuded happiness, whether he had good cards or bad ones, making it impossible to tell if he was bluffing or not. Josiah and Nathan teased Ezra mercilessly about his sudden run of bad luck.
Vin and Chris went down to put the horses away after the others had gone for the night. They discussed the need to add on to the barn if they were going to seriously pursue breeding Arab crosses. Vin suggested that they build a second barn, with birthing stalls, in the other pasture on the west side of the house. They also discussed the need for a conveyor to put the hay in the loft if they were going to have that many more horses. It was too much for just the two of them without some modern conveniences.
Sleep came quickly to the tired, happy man. Vin snuggled up to his pillow, reaching for Chris. When his seeking hand came up empty, he opened his eyes and looked around. From the flickering light on the wall, he knew Chris was watching TV. Pulling on his sweatpants, he padded out to the living room. His lover was stretched out on the couch, as naked as the day he was born. Going silently to his knees, Vin crawled to the couch. When he reached Chris he inhaled deeply and blew his warm, moist breath across his lover's groin. Balancing carefully, Vin leaned down and passed his tongue lightly over his shaft. Chris moaned softly and began to arch his back. Vin shifted to painting a line of kisses up the sculptured abs, pausing to tease the bronze nipples, he grinned when Chris brought his hand up to cradle the back of his neck. Vin reached his goal and began to nibble on his lover's lips. Chris shifted, rolling off of the couch and pinning Vin on the floor.
At first, Vin was unconcerned about the change of position, until he felt Chris begin to bite. He hissed, trying to dislodge his lover by rolling over. Chris toppled off, striking his head against the corner of the coffee table. Vin scrambled to his knees when he heard Chris starting to curse. Before he saw it coming, Chris backhanded him. Vin landed on his back when a foot connected with his ribs. Recovering quickly, he sprang up with his hands held protectively in front of him.
"Chris, I'm sorry! Calm down! Let me help you."
Vin caught Chris as he charged. He was unprepared for the fist that connected with his jaw. His head bounced off of the wall. Tasting blood in his mouth, he realized that Chris was trying to hurt him. They exchanged blows for several minutes before Vin got in a shot that sent the older man to the floor unconscious.
After checking that Chris was still breathing and not bleeding, except from his split lip, Vin tossed a blanket over him. Cradling his aching ribs, Vin dressed and grabbed his shoes and jacket. He stopped only long enough to retrieve his weapon from the wall safe before slipping out of the house. With a shaking hand, he started the Jeep. Only after he reached the city limits did he consider that he couldn't go home. Chris would find him and he had a key to the apartment. Taking a chance, he got off at the exit that took him into one of the more posh regions of Denver.
+ + + + + + +
Glaring at the clock, the ATF agent mumbled several curses. When he reached the door, his eyes widened at the battered figure on his porch. He yanked the door open, reaching out to steady Vin as he swayed. "What happened to you?" he asked.
"Hey Ezra, can I come in?" Vin said between gasps for breath.
"Of course! Forgive me! Let me help you," Ezra said as he supported Vin to the couch. "What happened to you? Where did you come from?"
"I need a favor from you. Can you keep a secret?"
Looking into the pleading blue eyes, Ezra would have agreed to almost anything. "Let me get a damp cloth. Lie back there for a minute," he said.
Vin leaned back, not able to lift his legs because of the pain in his ribs. Ezra returned with a basin of warm, soapy water, a washcloth and a towel. Vin struggled to sit up until he heard Ezra tell him to be still. When the southerner had finished cleaning away the blood, Vin had calmed down. Ezra brought him a blanket and a cup of hot tea with plenty of sugar.
"Now, what is the secret that you want me to keep?"
Over the next hour, Vin laid his soul bare to Ezra. He told of the hidden relationship with Chris, of his odd behavior, including the tendency toward violent intercourse. By the time he reached the fistfight from earlier, he was shaking all over. Ezra rushed to the bathroom and returned with a mild painkiller and another cup of tea. Vin tried to refuse but Ezra insisted that he take it. When Vin was deeply asleep, Ezra picked up the phone and made a call. Twenty minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door. He handed off the keys to Vin's Jeep. His friend would hide the vehicle until it was needed again.
In the morning, Vin awoke to the smell of fresh coffee. Moaning softly, he tried to sit up, only to hear Ezra tell him not to move. A few moments later, a tray was placed on the coffee table. Ezra helped him to sit up, putting pillows behind him for support. When he was ready, the tray was settled across his lap.
"I'm going to get in the shower. I'll be back to take the tray. Don't try to get up by yourself," Ezra said as he shook out a linen napkin. "I took the liberty of having your Jeep placed in storage. You can stay here as long as you need to, no one will know you're here."
Ezra moved away before Vin could find the voice to protest. He looked down at the plate and smiled. The omelet had strips of ham and turkey in it, along with red and green peppers. Four triangles of toast lined the sides of the plate and small plastic cups of jelly and butter sat on the tray. Picking up his fork, he dug in. Another pain pill was also in a small cup. He debated not taking it but the simple exertion of lifting the fork caused his ribs to throb.
"I see you finished it. Would you like anything else? I have some fruit and some cereal," Ezra offered as he took the tray.
"No, thanks, I couldn't eat another bite. Ezra, I appreciate what you're doing for me. I'll be out of here by tomorrow at the latest. I'm thinking I could go out to Nettie's and-" Vin said.
"You most certainly will not! You are more than welcome to remain here for as long as you need. There is no need for you to relocate, especially not to the Wells' ranch where you would not be able to rest. Now, allow me to help you up so you can see to your morning ablutions before I have to go to work. I have arranged for someone to bring you lunch; she has a key to let herself in. Her name is Rosa, she's my housekeeper. I'll call to check on you later," Ezra said as he pulled Vin to his feet.
Half an hour later, Vin found himself alone in Ezra's apartment. The pain pill took the sharp edges off of the pain and the pillows made him more comfortable. He found the remote and spent the morning channel surfing.
By the time Ezra reached the office, Chris was already worked into a fit of pique. He had awakened on his living room floor with a pounding headache, among other aches and pains. Vin was nowhere to be found. The jeep and his gun were both gone. He had already been by the apartment and there was no sign that Vin had been there. He had been ringing Vin's cell phone every ten minutes.
"Where in the hell have you been?" Chris demanded when Ezra came into the office.
"I believe this is my usual arrival time," Ezra answered calmly. "Have I missed a meeting?"
Chris huffed in exasperation before turning back to his office and slamming the door. Ezra looked to Josiah for an answer.
"Vin didn't show up this morning. He's not at his house, not answering his phone; Chris is worried. Have you seen or heard from him?"
"No, I haven't heard anything. Would it help if I contacted some of my snitches to see if there's any word on the streets?" Ezra asked, feigning innocence.
"Yeah, get on it, we gotta find Junior before Chris pops a vein," Buck said.
Rosa brought lunch and bustled around the apartment, dusting and vacuuming. Vin was embarrassed to be lying around helpless but the woman was so gracious about it that she soothed his nerves. Ezra called while she was there, instructing her to bring another pain pill to Vin and watch him take it. Vin blushed as the woman fussed over him. Vin took the phone after washing down the pill.
"How is he?" Vin asked.
"He is moving Heaven and Earth trying to ascertain your location," Ezra answered.
"I should go. I don't want to get you in trouble."
"You will do no such thing. You will remain where you are until you are sufficiently healed from your injuries. Chris will survive. Perhaps he will realize what he is throwing away."
Vin began to tremble at the caring, gentle tone in Ezra's voice. He pinched the bridge of his nose to block the tears that wanted to well up in his eyes.
Hearing the hitching breath, Ezra ended the call but only after getting Vin to promise not to leave the apartment. Rosa rang him an hour later when she left, letting him know that Vin was asleep. The housekeeper made sure he had something to drink on the coffee table before she left.
By the end of the day, Chris felt like he had World War 3 going on inside of his head. None of their contacts had been able to come up with any information on Vin. Orin even had one of the other teams out looking for him. He paced the length of the bullpen, raking his fingers through his hair as he waited for another pot of coffee to brew.
"You need to sit down and eat something," Nathan said as he matched pace with Chris.
"I'm not hungry."
"We'll find him."
"When? Where is he?" Chris asked.
"Excuse me, Nathan, I have an informant who may have information. I'm going to meet him," Ezra said to Chris. "I'll call you if this meeting bears fruit. I'm going home afterwards."
"You're not staying to help with the search?" Chris asked, his voice rising in anger.
"There isn't anything I can do from here that I can't do from home. I don't see any reason for me to remain here. I have contacted all of my informants, now I must wait for them to get back to me."
Chris glared at Ezra all the way out of the office.
Vin was awake and feeling somewhat better when Ezra got home. Ezra had stopped and picked up take-out food for them to share. Vin grilled Standish on what had happened in the office. As soon as he heard that the judge had assigned another team to look for him, he wanted to call and at least let everyone know he was all right. Ezra vetoed the idea, insisting that it wouldn't hurt to wait another 12 or 14 hours.
+ + + + + + +
The headache was becoming unbearable. Chris dug his knuckles into his eye sockets and then gripped the back of his neck, digging into the tightly corded muscles. Buck put another cup of coffee on the desk, then put his hands on Chris' shoulders and massaged them. Chris glared at the clock, having trouble believing that it was only four in the morning.
JD burst into the office, "I finally got a signal from Vin's phone. They had a hard time triangulating on it because it's going to voicemail. It's a warehouse downtown." Instantly, Chris was on his feet, surging toward the door.
Teams four and seven approached the warehouse. Josiah and Nathan went in with Chris while Buck and JD were on the opposite side of the building. The sniper from team four reported that there was no motion in the areas he could see. Josiah opened the door so Nathan and Chris could slip inside. The graying profiler moved in behind them, scanning the interior of the building. Across the way, they could see the others coming in. The Jeep sat all by itself in the middle of the loading bay. There was no one else in the building.
"Damn! His phone was in the glove box," Buck said, turning to show it to Chris.
"Josiah!" Nathan called as he dove for the team leader. He eased Chris to the floor in a controlled fall, protecting his head. "Call for an ambulance!" The team leader was having a grand mal seizure.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra opened one eye, glaring at the clock before rolling over to reach for his cell phone. "Standish," he said without looking to see who was calling.
"Ezra, get over to Mercy. It's Chris," Josiah said without preamble.
"What happened?" Ezra asked as he sat up.
"He had a seizure. Get over here," Josiah said again.
Vin stood in the bedroom doorway, waiting to ask. When Ezra leapt out of bed and grabbed his clothes, the clothes he'd been wearing the day before, he knew it was bad. Within ten minutes, they were in the Jag racing toward the hospital.
The tension in the waiting room was so thick it was almost visible. Nathan was camped out on the nurse's station, eagerly waiting for any news on Chris. Buck was pacing between the rows of chairs, glaring every so often at the doors to the exam room where the doctors had taken his oldest friend. When Ezra came in, Josiah got up to motion him over, stopping when he saw Vin coming in behind him.
"Where in the hell have you been?" Buck shouted. "We've been looking all over for you!"
Stopping at the venomous tone in the other man's voice, Vin directed a sharp glance at Ezra before responding, "I needed to get away for a couple of days."
"What happened to you?" Nathan asked, his eyes picking up the bruising on Tanner's face and the protective way he held his ribs.
"I took a fall, I'm fine," Vin answered. "How's Chris?"
"We haven't heard anything yet," Nathan replied.
"Would you mind telling me why we found your Jeep in an empty warehouse with your cell phone in the glove box?" Buck asked as he edged closer to Vin.
"Who is here with Chris Larabee?" a nurse called. All six men turned and took a step toward her. "Are you family?" she asked.
"Near as," Buck answered. "Chris doesn't really have any family. We have his medical power of attorney. It should be on file here."
"And you would be?" the nurse asked, consulting the chart.
Buck introduced himself and each of the others. The nurse told them that the doctor wanted to speak to Mr. Larabee's next of kin and led them to the room adjoining the exam room where Chris was being treated.
"Gentlemen, my name is Phillip Danbury, I'm a neurosurgeon," the tall, graying man said as he gave each of them a brief glance. He briefly outlined the situation for them, handing Buck a release form to be signed. Chris needed emergency surgery ... emergency brain surgery.
While they waited in the surgical waiting area, the team alternated between pacing and glaring out of the window that faced the parking lot. Each lost in his own world of thought. The doctor had explained that Chris had a mass growing inside of his skull, pressing on his brain. Left untreated, it would eventually cause permanent damage and possibly his death. The doctor had asked if they had noticed Chris complaining of headaches recently and all agreed that they had and that he had told them it was just stress.
Buck's gaze fell on Vin, who was squirming in one of the overstuffed chairs. All of his helpless and angry feelings bubbled up and he crossed the room to stand in front of the younger man. "I want to know what's going on between you and Chris," he said in a low and threatening tone.
"What do you mean? There's nothing going on between us!" Vin lied.
"Then where have you been the last two days?" Buck demanded. "How did your Jeep end up in that warehouse?"
"I had something I needed to take care of," Vin replied, as he came to his feet and stepped closer to the angry, older man.
"That something else have anything to do with the bruises on your face?" Nathan asked.
"It's none of your business," Vin answered.
"Gentlemen, may I suggest that we not take our worries out on Vin? I'm certain he has a valid reason for his absence," Ezra said.
"I want to hear it," Buck said, glaring at Ezra then at Vin.
"Are all of you here for Larabee?" a nurse asked from the doorway. "He's out of surgery and in the recovery room now. Dr. Danbury will be here in a few minutes to talk to you."
The doctor carried in a scale model of a human skull, setting it on the table to aid in his explanation. "Mr. Larabee had a mass growing here, in the front of his skull. It was exerting pressure on his brain. You said that you knew he was suffering from headaches but did anyone notice any other symptoms?"
"What kind of symptoms?" Nathan asked.
"Well, patients with pressure to this part of the brain occasionally demonstrate poor impulse control, violent outbreaks and unusual sexual advances. Frequently, the patient's spouse or partner will bear the brunt of the unusual behavior," the doctor answered.
Josiah caught the way Ezra looked at Vin and the sharp, angry shake of Vin's head. The doctor went on to explain that the growth was benign, that no cancer cells had been found and that Chris should make a full and complete recovery. Because of the seizure, he would have to be monitored for the next six months. The doctor asked if anyone lived with Chris and could drive him to and from work, as he would not be able to drive for that period of time. Again, Ezra looked pointedly at Vin.
"Is there something we should know about, Vin?" Josiah asked. "You had been spending a lot of time at the ranch with Chris recently."
Vin shook his head. He couldn't reveal the relationship he had with Chris in front of the others like that, not without Chris knowing about it. He felt horrible that his lover had been suffering from a medical condition and he had gone off and left him unconscious on the floor. That thought rolled around for a few more seconds before Vin bolted from the room.
"Vin?" JD called, rising to go after his friend. Buck held him back.
"I'll go," Ezra offered.
He heard Vin before he saw him. Ezra blanched at the retching sounds coming from the stall. He leaned against the cool tile wall and waited. When the heaving ended, Vin came out, looking pinched and miserable. Ezra pulled a handful of towels from the dispenser and held them out to Tanner.
"Thanks," Vin whispered, turning on the cold water and wetting the towels. After he had washed his face, he cupped his hands under the faucet and rinsed his mouth.
"You need to tell the doctor," Ezra said.
"I can't."
"He needs to know that Chris had the other symptoms," Ezra pressed.
"We agreed to keep this to ourselves," Vin replied.
"But you told me."
"I didn't know where else to go, Ezra!"
"What are you afraid of? That the others will blame you? Vin, he had a medical problem. He wasn't hurting you on purpose."
"I was going to leave the team," Vin said.
"Because of what happened the other night?"
"Yeah. I gave him one more chance and he ... hurt me again. How can I face him now?"
"Do you care about him?" Ezra asked. He saw the flash of pain in Vin's eyes. "Then you do everything you can to help him get well. That starts with telling the doctor. You don't have to do it in front of the others if you don't want to but you have to tell the doctor."
While the others were crowded around the bed in the ICU, Vin sat across from Dr. Danbury in his office. He stammered out the fact that he and Chris had been having a relationship, which the others didn't know about it. He outlined the bizarre behavior his lover had shown, tender one time, brutal and punishing the next, ending with the fight and leaving Chris unconscious on the floor. The doctor was gracious, understanding how difficult it was for the younger man to come forward.
"Ironically, the fight may have been the trigger that alerted us to the mass. The blow to the head started some minor swelling inside of Chris' head, causing the seizure. In a way, it was a good thing because, if it had been left go, he might have died." He saw that his words seemed to soothe the anxious young man. "When he recovers, he'll be like he was without the violent episodes."
"He'll never forgive me," Vin mumbled.
"He'll have a hard time forgiving himself," the doctor countered. "When they recover, patients often find that they are horrified by what they've done to their spouses, children and friends."
Vin sat for a long time considering what the doctor told him. When he was ready to face the others, he headed for the ICU. He stood, watching his teammates, through the glass partition at the nurse's station. Finally, they moved, allowing him an unobstructed view of his lover, if he could still be called that. Chris lay deathly still, his head swathed in thick bandages. Dark bruises covered most of the left side of his face and his split lip was swollen. Vin was relieved to see that he wasn't on a respirator, he knew how Chris hated having that tube down his throat. His ribs throbbed, courtesy of the vomiting he'd done earlier and he looked around for a place to sit. One of the nurses recognized him and came to his side.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
"I'm fine, Ma'am," Vin answered.
Hearing the conversation in the hall, Ezra backed away from his place at the side of the bed. JD quickly edged forward, filling the space. Nathan, noticing the careful retreat, followed Ezra's line of sight and stepped out to follow him.
"Did you talk to the doctor?" Ezra asked as he reached Vin.
"Yeah, I told him everything," Vin replied.
"Did he give you something for pain?" Nathan asked as he arrived behind the two men.
"Huh?" Vin asked.
"Your ribs are bothering you, aren't they? What happened, did you get jumped on the way home the other night. I don't know why you stay in that neighborhood. It's a wonder you haven't been killed," the medic said. It was a sore subject for him, he couldn't understand the younger man's attachment to the slum-like area where he lived.
"Actually, his injuries didn't occur in Purgatorio," Ezra explained.
"Then where did he get beat up?" Nathan asked.
"Aw, hell, Ezra ... just let it go, alright?" Vin said. "I just want to see Chris." Vin walked away, easing up to the side of the bed. Josiah moved out of the way, allowing Tanner to stand closer to Chris' head.
Nathan stared as a mix of emotions scrolled across the blue eyes before turning on Ezra. "You know more about this than you're telling," he said. Ezra stole a glance into the hospital room before sighing, "I only know what I can see and hear." The medic's eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out what the southerner was implying.
'I'm so sorry, Chris,' Vin thought as he fought back the urge to wrap his hand around his lover's. 'I would never have left you if I'd known you were sick.'
The nurse came in then, chasing all of them out to the waiting room. Vin hung back the longest, hungry to see Chris open his eyes. When the woman gave him a piercing stare, his shoulders slumped and he left the room. He reached the waiting room, only to come face-to-face with another problem, Orin Travis.
"I'd like to have a word with you, if you don't mind, Agent Tanner," the older man said, his eyes hardening to show that he wouldn't take no for an answer. Sighing deeply, Vin followed Travis down the hall to another, smaller waiting room. "Sit down, you look like you're about to fall over," Orin said as he closed the door. Vin eased his aching body into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs. "Now, I need to know where you've been for the last 48 hours."
He couldn't lie; he was simply no good at it. Vin stared at his hands, horrified to see the slight bruising across the knuckles of his right hand. He remembered, with sickeningly vivid perfection, the way it felt when his hand came into contact with his lover's face. It all came down on him, the fear, the anger, the loss. "I ... I was ... hiding, Sir," he stammered.
"I think you'd better explain that, Son," Orin said somberly.
A hundred thoughts jammed in his throat and Vin swallowed ... hard. All the doubt and uncertainty he had been feeling made his heart clench in his chest as he struggled for the words.
"Vin, I had two teams out looking for you. I need an explanation."
"I ... I ... I'd like to ... turn in my ... r-res-resignation, Sir," Vin said, not able to meet the man's eyes. Before Orin could respond, he leapt up and rushed for the door. Like a caged animal, he sought escape. The stair door slammed against the concrete wall, temporarily deafening him to the voice calling his name. All Vin could think of was to run.
Orin stared down the stairs, dismayed that he had not been able to get Vin to stop. He heard other people running down the hall and turned to see the concerned faces of the rest of Team 7.
"What happened?" Ezra demanded to know.
"I just asked him where he'd been. And he quit," Orin answered, his voice clearly showing how mystified he was by the whole situation. Before he could say anything else, Ezra pushed past him, running down the staircase as fast as humanly possible.
"He quit? No explanation?" Buck asked. Orin looked past the men to the curious crowd gathered behind them. Drawing a deep breath, he began to steer them out of the stairway. The team backed away, moving reluctantly toward the waiting room again. Once they were all seated, Buck asked his question again. "Vin quit?"
"I asked him to tell me where he had been for the past two days and he just up and quit. No explanation, no excuse, nothing, I don't know what to make of it," Travis replied. "I need to know where he was."
As soon as the cooler outside air hit his face, Vin knew that he had no where to go. His Jeep was God knew where. Patting his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change. He knew that he had only a few dollars in his wallet. The jingling of keys startled him into turning around.
"You'll need these," Ezra said calmly. "You are still welcome to hole up at my place while you figure out your next move."
"Ez, ... I quit," Vin said, his voice flat and without emotion.
"Take a drive and think about it. I'm certain that Judge Travis would be willing to listen to reason ... or a well thought out lie."
Vin took the keys and started across the parking lot as quickly as he could manage with his aching ribs. Ezra watched, fully expecting Tanner to spin the wheels in his rush to flee. To his surprise, Vin carefully backed out of the parking space and slowly left the lot. Wonders never ceased to amaze him and he turned to go back into the building.
"You couldn't catch him?" Nathan asked.
"No, he was gone by the time I reached the front of the building," Ezra lied. "May I ask what you intend to do about his abrupt resignation?"
Orin shook his head, "I don't know. Something has him running scared. I'd feel better about the whole thing if I knew Tanner was safe. Do you think it has anything to do with a case?" He searched the concerned faces of the men seated around the room.
"You know something, don't you, Ezra?" Josiah asked.
"I am not at liberty to reveal what I know of the situation except to say that it is not related to a case and that Mr. Tanner was sequestered in a safe place while he considered what he perceived to be his only option."
"You know where he is?" Orin asked.
"Not at the moment, no, but he will not go far. Not as long as Chris remains hospitalized. I would ask that you give him an opportunity to think this through before you approach him," Ezra answered cryptically.
"This has something to do with the bruises Chris has, doesn't it?" Nathan asked, suddenly adding up the things he had noticed. "He and Chris got into it over something?" he continued, his voice rising unsurely as he spoke.
The arrival of the nurse prevented Ezra from having to answer. "Mr. Larabee is waking and he's calling for all of you," she said before hurrying away. The rose en masse and moved toward the door. By the time they reached the room, they could hear the nurses trying to calm the irritated and confused patient.
"Where is he? Where's Vin?" Chris demanded of the nurse.
"Mr. Larabee, please calm yourself. Debbie went to get your friends," the nurse said as she tried to keep him still in the bed.
"Chris!" Buck called, "Take it easy." Instantly, Chris sank back against the pillows, his eyes scanning the group standing in the vacant area at the foot of his bed. The two nurses backed off, seeing that he was now lying down.
"Where is he?" Chris asked.
"He was here, but he left," Buck answered as he came closer. "He'll be back."
"No, he won't," Chris answered, his voice sounding small and defeated, "Oh God, what have I done? You have to find him!"
"We will, you just relax and let the nurses take care of you," Buck said firmly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the nurse pushing something into the IV line. "We'll bring him back, Chris." He watched as the hazel eyes struggled to focus before sliding closed again. Turning his eyes on Ezra, Buck's voice left no room for discussion, "Find him and bring him back." Ezra's chin dipped slightly as he gave an imaginary hat brim a tug and slipped from the room.
Leroy Mulvaney didn't bother making small talk as he drove Standish home. His boss had told him to go to the hospital and pick the man up and to take him wherever he needed to go, not to return until the man no longer needed him. When they reached the condo in the upscale neighborhood, he waited with the motor running while the man went in. Several minutes later, the man came out and gave him an address well outside of the city.
The Jag sat in the shade, an ill-fitting car cover draped over it. The small trailer had been unused for so long that the grass reached nearly to the car windows everywhere except the gravel road and the parking space. Ezra got out and signaled the driver to wait. He carefully opened the door, doubtful that Vin would attack him but not wanting to press his luck. The trailer was empty. Ezra walked around it, easily following the path through the grass to the small lake. The sun shone brightly overhead, white puffy clouds reflecting in the smooth surface of the water. The bright reflection caused him to have to squint to make out the forlorn figure seated on the ground.
"How'd you find me?" Vin asked as Ezra crouched beside him.
"Do you honestly think I wouldn't have a locator beacon on the Jag?"
Vin sighed, he should have known. "I guess Travis told you all that I quit."
"He did. Although it didn't appear to diminish his concern over your well-being."
"I just can't tell him, Ez! You know what he'd say, what he'd do."
"I didn't come out here because of Orin, I came because Chris is concerned about you."
Vin turned to study the green eyes, looking for any show of deceit. Finding none, he sighed, "I'll bet he's pissed at me too, ain't he?"
"I'm not even going to answer that atrociously phrased question except to say that he sounded more like a worried lover than an angry boss," Ezra said. Rising from his crouched position, he surveyed the area. "I have a ride back to the city. I will have your Jeep brought out and the Jag brought into the city. I won't tell our compatriots where you are if you wish to remain here in solitude."
"I appreciate it. I just gotta think this thing through."
Furious was an understatement for Buck's mood when Ezra returned without Vin. If not for Josiah standing between them, the southerner might have had a few bruises of his own. Ezra did tell Chris that Vin was all right. He seemed to accept that. Orin Travis spent a while talking with Chris before he left for the evening. At the doctor's insistence, all except Buck went home at the end of visiting hours, allowing Chris to try to rest.
The sun was just beginning to light the room when Buck became aware of the silent observer in the corner. He glared, daring the man to come any closer. Vin backed into the shadows, his eyes locked on the still body on the bed. "About time you showed up," Buck said softly.
"I'm sorry," Vin answered.
"He's been calling for you."
A heavy silence hung over the corner of the room as Vin stared at the floor.
"I told them about us," Chris said in a soft, raspy voice. Buck immediately jumped, grabbing the small plastic cup and pouring water in it to hold to dry, parched lips. Vin took a hesitant step toward the bed. Chris finished the few ounces of water. "I need to talk to Vin alone, Buck," he said. Buck waited, not yet willing to leave them alone together. "I'll be all right. You go get some breakfast ... and some coffee," Chris urged.
Once Buck had gone, Vin edged closer to the bed. Chris groped for the button to raise his head, clenching his eyes closed at the sudden increase in the volume of the cannons inside of his skull. "Come here, Vin," he said softly. Vin came closer but still too far away for him to reach. "Travis told me you quit the team but you wouldn't say why."
"Didn't want to 'out' you. I figured on coming up with a good reason."
"Better than that you laid me out in a lovers' spat?" Chris teased. His smile fell when he saw Vin flinch at his words. They were prevented from further discussion by the arrival of the nurse with his breakfast tray and meds. Vin backed into the corner until she left the room.
"I should let you get to your meal," Vin said as he started for the door.
"Vin, I'm sorry," Chris said.
"Me too," Vin replied before slipping from the room.
Buck was surprised to find Vin gone when he returned from the cafeteria. Chris was picking at his breakfast, unappealing as it was anyway, and wouldn't talk about what was said between them.
Orin looked up in surprise at the bedraggled agent who stood before him. "Sit down, you look like hell, Son," he said. Vin dropped obediently in one of the chairs. "Chris told me what happened, what he remembers of it anyway. Is there anything you'd like to add?"
"No Sir," Vin replied.
"Are you still wanting to resign your position on the team?"
"Ain't it illegal for a boss and subordinate to date each other?" Vin asked.
"It is, but only if I know about it," Orin answered. He could see that his reply confused the younger man and waited for him to work it out.
"Sir?"
"I prefer to take the military stance on it. Don't ask, don't tell, isn't that the way they do things in the Army?"
Vin shifted nervously in the chair, licking his dry lips, "Yes Sir, that's how it is."
"Then I'll leave it up to you and Chris to work things out between you. If you still want to resign; well, I'll be mighty sorry to lose you. If you want to transfer to another team, that is always a possibility to consider, though," Orin said.
"Thank you Judge, I appreciate that," Vin said as he rose from the chair. "I'd like to take a few days off, think things over and all."
"Take all the time you need. You've earned it."
Feeling more than confused, Vin left the building and got in his Jeep. He didn't even give any thought to where he was going, he just went. When he put the engine in park, he was surprised to find that he was at Nettie's. The front door opened and she stepped out, waiting to see what he would do.
Three days later, Chris was discharged from the hospital into Nathan and Josiah's watchful care. He was angry and irritable because Vin had not returned to the hospital and didn't return any of his many calls. Orin assured him that he had made it clear that he would pretend not to know of the relationship between the two men as long as they kept it out of the office. He also explained that Tanner had asked for and been given several days off to think about it.
In spite of the ache in his ribs, Vin tossed another scoop of soiled sawdust into the wheelbarrow. He had been cleaning the stalls for over an hour, in spite of Nettie's disapproving scowl. Only by wearing himself out was he able to get any real sleep. His body craved the warmth and hard muscles of his lover in bed beside him. Vin had argued himself dizzy over the situation with Chris. While he desperately wanted to return to the early days of their relationship, he was still having nightmares about the things Chris had done to him. One particularly nasty vision had Chris and Eli Joe sharing him while laughing maniacally in the face of his pain and fear. Swiping at the sweat that poured from his forehead, he leaned against the stall rails.
Buck and JD got out of the truck and waited to see if they would be welcomed or sent away. They had stopped by Nettie's every day to check on Vin and had been turned away every time. Nettie assured them that she was riding herd on Vin, not letting him overdo, but that he wasn't ready to talk about whatever was on his mind. The front door to the house opened and Vin stepped out.
"Y'all may as well come in," he said, turning to go back into the house and leaving the door open behind him. JD wasted no time rushing up the steps while Buck came at a more sedate pace. Vin disappeared into the kitchen the moment JD reached the living room but Nettie was there, motioning for him to sit down. Vin came back just as Buck was sitting down. The two men stared at each other without speaking. Nettie watched the silent interaction for a minute before she gave Vin a shove.
"Get on over there and sit down, I'll bring some iced tea and cookies." She gave Buck a hard glare, cautioning him not to upset 'her boy.'
"Just wanted to let you know Chris is home from the hospital," Buck said when Nettie left the room. "He's asking to see you."
"I know. Ezra's been keeping me up to date," Vin said.
"Vin, you know it wasn't his fault, what happened between you two," Buck said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
"I know."
"But you still blame him?" Buck asked.
"No."
"Then why won't you see him?"
Vin paused as Nettie returned with the tray of tea and cookies. She gave Vin a comforting pat on the shoulder before returning to the kitchen.
"There's more to it than just what happened between us, Buck. I just need to get my head around everything. I still care about him ... it's just ... I can't explain it," Vin said.
"You could at least call him," JD prompted, "Let him know you're alright."
"He knows I'm alright, Ezra's told him."
An awkward silence swept over the room. JD fidgeted in his seat, reaching for a cookie, then withdrawing his hand at the slightly angry look on Buck's face. Vin sighed, pushing the plate toward the younger man.
"Are you still thinking of leaving the team?" Buck asked.
"I don't know, Buck. I'm still thinking on it."
"You can't leave the team!" JD protested, spewing cookie crumbs from his mouth.
"I said I'm thinking on it!" Vin shouted back.
"I think we'd better go," Buck said as he rose from the couch, pulling JD up with him.
Two long weeks passed without Chris hearing from Vin. He was recovered from his surgery enough that he could stay alone at night. Those were the longest nights in recent memory. He knew his lover was staying at the Wells place, Ezra spoke with him every day. He also knew that Vin had gone back to work, covering Team 3 while their sniper was out on medical leave. Standing at the railing on the deck, Chris watched the moon rise, glowing full and bright over the barn and corral.
Tossing his covers aside, Vin sat up on the side of the bed and dragged his fingers through his long hair, wincing at the tangles they caught. A cool breeze wafted in, courtesy of the window he had raised a couple of inches. He could see the yard clearly in the light of the full moon. Rising from the bed, he crossed to the window and stared up at the familiar, glowing shape. Strains of a Disney movie he had watched with some of the kids in Purgatorio played in his head and he cursed the fact that he would be ear-wigged for the rest of the night.
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light
someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
that we'll find one another ...Vin cursed softly as he groped in the darkness for his clothes. Slipping from the house, he sat on the edge of the porch to pull on his boots. He got the Jeep rolling down the driveway, not starting it until he was far enough away that it wouldn't waken Nettie and Casey.
Letting the window sheer slip from her fingers, Nettie prayed that Vin would somehow find peace. She knew he wasn't sleeping much at night, his restless tossing and turning had wakened her more than once. It had been difficult for him to tell her, to confess that he was gay. She had stunned him by telling him that she knew and that she didn't care as long as he was happy. The world was too full of misery without worrying about who was finding pleasure with whom.
Chris stared out the living room window, waiting for the vehicle to pass. He had heard the soft rumble of a car engine as he stood on the back deck. Knowing that there wasn't much traffic in the area late at night, he worried that something had happened to one of his neighbors.
Leaving the Jeep at the foot of the driveway, Vin got out and started walking. When he could see the house, he was surprised to see lights still burning in the living room window. Keeping to the shadows, he continued walking. When he reached the large stump that marked the original property boundary, he sat down, content just to be close to Chris.
When he couldn't hear the engine any longer, Chris continued to stand at the window, staring down the driveway. Buck had taken the keys to the truck since he wouldn't be able to drive for a several months. It was in these moments that he missed Vin the most, the moments when he realized that he was trapped and alone. Sighing wistfully, he let the curtain fall, turning toward the hall to his bedroom for another night of tossing and tearing up the bedding. His hand slid along the paneling until he touched the light switch, plunging the house into darkness.
The light went out and Vin just sighed. He sat for a few minutes longer, until he yawned. He knew that the pleasant lethargy he was feeling wouldn't last. The moment he slid in between those cold blankets, he would be wide awake.
After recovering at home for the prescribed six weeks, Chris was allowed to return to light duty. His hands trembled as he put on his tie that morning. He avoided the mirror, not liking the downy fuzz that covered his head but still allowed the healing scar to show. Buck arrived some time later, jovially teasing him about the weight he'd lost and anything else that came to mind.
Vin's hands were trembling and his mouth was dry as he tried to work calmly at his desk. JD had told him that Buck was bringing Chris into the office for a few hours. Although he was comfortable with his decision to remain with the ATF, Vin wasn't at all sure he could still work with his former lover. Those last two words hurt the most. Vin had come to accept that things couldn't go back to the way they had been. He couldn't let anyone get that close again, it hurt too much.
Their eyes met across the bullpen, each cataloging the changes in the other. The hunger to fill their souls with the sight of each other was so strong that neither registered the comments the others made around them.
'He's lost weight.' They thought simultaneously. It was Buck who finally broke the spell by stepping in front of Chris and blocking his line of sight. He urged the team leader into his office, settling him behind the desk where all of the reports for the past two months sat in a neat pile of manila folders.
Nathan and Josiah exchanged knowing glances at the sharpshooter. The tension that radiated off of the younger man was almost visible. When Buck came out of the office and closed the door, Vin's shoulders slumped slightly.
It was like one of those magnet puzzles, Chris and Vin moved away from each other any time they got too close. JD sighed as he watched the team leader return to his office, coffee cup in hand, just because Vin was standing near the door to the kitchenette. He was almost relieved when Ezra told him that they were being loaned to Team 5 for a stakeout and meet with a suspect. Vin gathered his things and shut down his computer, following the southerner out of the office.
"We have to do something, they'd get each other killed if we had to go out in the field right now," Nathan lamented to Josiah.
"What do you suggest?"
"If I knew I'd have done it already. I just don't understand why Vin is reacting the way he is. I thought he understood that Chris wasn't in his right mind when they fought," Nathan said.
"I think there's a good deal more to it than the fight at the ranch that night," Josiah said.
"Maybe if we could get them to talk about it to a counselor or something?"
"I doubt either of them would be willing to bring a third party into their personal business."
Vin was just washing his hands when the restroom door opened behind him. He turned, coming face to face with Chris. His heart ached as he fought the urge to reach out to him. The soft smell of his cologne tickled Vin's nose, setting off a rush of desire that nearly left him light headed.
Their eyes met and Chris' mouth went dry. The door slipped from his fingers, drifting closed behind him. His fingers itched to reach out to caress that slightly square jaw. A wave of pain swept over him as he fought to keep his hand at his side.
They worked together like that for almost a month. The tension in the office was so high that it was beginning to affect the others, most notably, Ezra and Buck. While Buck had been friends with Chris for most of his adult life, Ezra had bonded with Vin in a way that was hard to understand. Buck was furious with Vin for not going back to Chris and he didn't bother to hold his tongue about it. Ezra knew what Chris had not told the others, about what amounted to Chris raping Vin on more than one occasion. Ezra was a little miffed that Chris had been so ambiguous about the problem with Vin.
It came to a head one Saturday at the ranch. The whole team, minus Vin, was helping Chris give the barn a thorough cleaning before the delivery of hay for the winter. They were working just fine until Buck got too close to Peso. The gelding, notorious for his bad behaviors, nipped Buck hard enough to draw blood.
"God damned, no good, worthless nag!" Buck yelled, drawing back to deliver an open-handed slap to the horse's neck.
"Don't do it," Chris hissed angrily. "It isn't his fault."
"You're right, it's Vin's fault that damned animal is that way! I don't know why you don't make him come and get the damned beast. I'd put him down if it was up to me!" Buck complained as he clasped his bruised and bleeding arm.
Chris opened the door to the stall and stepped in, running his hand over the quivering, twitching muscles. Peso slowly calmed, turning his head to lip at Chris' shirttail. He had held on to the horse, hoping that he could reestablish a link with Vin because of him. Buck had no idea how many times he had cleaned Vin's saddle and groomed the animal, drawing a measure of comfort from just being with Vin's gelding. He had tuned out Buck's angry voice until a particular phrase caught his ear.
"He beat me worse when he was on a bender. I don't know what Vin's got to be so upset about," Buck groused.
Ezra's eyes hardened and he opened his mouth to spit back an acerbic reply, only stopping at the last instant. Chris saw the southerner poised to defend Vin, something Chris hadn't done, and shame washed over him.
"I never held you down and raped you, Buck," Chris said. Even over the other sounds in the barn, the horses moving, the wind outside whistling through the loft door, the words carried and four of the five men froze in their tracks. JD, with a scoop of sawdust suspended in his hands, gasped softly. Buck's eyes snapped up to lock on his oldest friend.
+ + + + + + +
Vin looked up from where he was working on stringing new barbed wire along the fence row, frowning at the sight of the familiar truck rolling to a stop in the driveway. Josiah sat behind the wheel and didn't get out. He finished wrapping the metal post and stood, stretching the kinks from his back. He wasn't facing his former lover, he needed the moment to compose his thoughts.
"I need to talk to you," Chris said when he got close enough for Vin to hear.
"So talk," Vin said, still not turning around.
"I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what I put you through."
"Wasn't you fault."
"Still doesn't make it right. Vin, I would never have hurt you like that. I hate myself every time I think about it."
"I forgave you for it. I don't know what else you want from me."
Chris reached out, intending to take hold of Vin's arm and turn him around. Instead, the instant his hand touched warm flesh, Vin flinched. He saw it then, in the depths of the sky blue eyes, the hurt and fear. Emotions he had put there. Chris drew his hand back like he'd been scalded.
"I want us to be friends again," Chris said, his voice so soft that Vin had to strain to hear it. "I don't know how else to say it."
"Just friends?"
"If that's all you're willing to give me, I'll settle for that," Chris answered, in spite of the hurt the words brought him.
"I reckon we could try to be friends again," Vin said, offering out his hand. Chris extended his arm, gently wrapping his fingers around the warm flesh.
It was awkward at first but they managed to get to a point where they were comfortable with each other again. Vin was still skittish about Chris touching him but he managed to control the urge to flinch under the team leader's hand when it lit on his shoulder as they were looking at something on the computer or on a blueprint.
+ + + + + + +
Dr. Danbury studied the final set of X-rays of Chris' head. There had been no reoccurrence of the mass inside of his skull and he hadn't had another seizure. Sliding the film back into the protective sleeve, he addressed his patient. "No headaches, double vision, dizziness, any of the symptoms from before?"
"None. I haven't felt this good in a long time," Chris answered honestly.
"And uhh, how are things between you and Mr. Tanner?" He saw the flash in the hazel eyes and settled back in his chair.
"We're just friends now."
Hearing the pain in those four words, the doctor sighed. "Have you considered couple's counseling? I can refer you to someone who specializes in same-sex relationships."
"Thanks but ... no. Vin's a very private person, he'd never be able to sit there and tell someone that he was raped."
"He told me," Danbury countered.
"Yes but that was because you asked about my symptoms."
"I see," the doctor replied. "Well, according to your records, you are cleared medically for regular duty. I will forward a copy of this letter to your supervisor. I would like to see you every three months for the next two years, just as a precaution." He rose and extended his hand to his patient.
"Thanks, Doc," Chris said with a smile.
+ + + + + + +
The last snow of the season was beginning to melt. Chris and Vin stood at the fence, watching the horses as they foraged for the tender shoots peeking out here and there in the field. It had taken them a while to reach the point where they could be alone together at the ranch. Usually, Vin left with which ever of the others was last to go.
Vin noticed the bit of hay caught in Chris' hair, which he was wearing a little longer than he ever had before. Slipping his hand out of his work glove, he reached out to brush the hay from the blond locks. Chris, perhaps seeing the movement out of the corner of his eye, turned his head and raised his hand, catching Vin's hand. Vin gasped as the cool flesh of Chris' jaw rubbed against his palm.
Chris felt the tension in Vin's arm and immediately let go, ashamed that he couldn't keep his hands to himself. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he turned away. He waited, expecting to hear the crunch of Vin's boots on the snow as he walked away. Instead, he felt a firm hand on his shoulder, turning him back around. Vin's hand, the fingertips now chilled, ghosted along Chris' jaw, passing lightly over his ear and wrapped around the back of his neck. Vin pulled gently, drawing them closer together.
Their lips met, hesitantly at first, then with more vigor. Chris let his hands move to clasp Vin's hips, steadying both of them as they leaned against the rails. When they pulled apart, Vin found himself staring at the spokes of brown and gold that mixed with the green, making the color that made him feel safe. They stood like that for a while, drinking in the heady experience again. Finally, a raspy drawl broke the silence.
"So, I guess you want to be more than friends again?" Vin asked.