First and foremost, this is not a deathfic! Having said that, I have probably blown the story but I don't want anyone to stop reading it when they reach the end of the first section. I could never, ever do a story where one of the guys dies, I am too much of a softie. Also, not knowing how to explain it in the story, velvet is the fuzzy covering that is on the growing horns of deer, elk and caribou, in case you didn't know. Many, many thanks to Lumina, for catching my typo's and helping me rearrange my paragraphs so that they have the right emotional punch, she's the best! Any mistakes found are the result of my own tweaking, mea culpa. And last, but certainly not least, thanks to Kay for the wonderful picture, she's awesome!

The waitress put the drink in front of him and took away the empty glass. Without even acknowledging the young woman, Ezra picked it up and gulped it down. He had to numb the aching pain in his heart and the lovely scenery wasn't doing it. An indulgent sigh broke from the woman at the table with him and he let his eyes slide across to look at her.

"Something you wished to say, Mother?"

"Only that I've noticed that you've been drinking an awful lot recently."

"And you are concerned for the precarious state of my liver?"

"I so abhor it when you get snippy with me. Honestly dear, you have this lovely chalet, acres of fresh powder and nothing else to do, why are you so down in the mouth?" Maude dabbed at her lips with the linen napkin before putting it in the center of her plate. She had invited him to Vail with the hope of rebuilding some kind of relationship with him.

"It was one year ago today that I ... lost him," Ezra said softly, his throat closing on the words. Even after all that he had been through over the past twelve months, it was still like a sharp knife in his heart every time he thought of Buck.

***

It was just supposed to be a little get together at the ranch. Buck and Ezra had decided to make a formal commitment to each other. After almost eighteen months of living together, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Both of them had consulted with an attorney to have the paperwork drawn up, each naming the other as their beneficiary and giving medical power of attorney to the other. Everything they owned was put into a living trust, something the lawyer said would enable them to avoid the hassle of probate. Josiah had found a minister to officiate for them, they had even picked out rings.

The Jag raced along the winding, narrow black top road. Both of them were dressed in their very best. Buck looked so handsome that it took Ezra's breath away. Ezra felt a hand firmly grasp his thigh and he squirmed in the heated leather seat. For an instant, just a fraction of a second, he looked away from the road to gaze lovingly into the eyes he could easily get lost in. Buck smiled at him and his heart fluttered at the love he saw there. He relived that moment a hundred million times and died a little inside each and every time.

A loud horn snapped his attention back to the road in front of them. A tractor-trailer was barreling down on them, so close that they could almost count the chrome spokes in the personalized grill across the front of the cab. Ezra jerked the wheel, trying desperately to steer the Jag onto the shoulder. The car's wheels dropped off of the blacktop and onto the shoulder just as the Mack truck clipped the front corner panel, sending the car into a spin. Ezra heard Buck call out 'Oh my God!' as they became airborne. The car slammed into the ground at an odd angle and then there was an endless shattering of glass ... tree limbs breaking ... metal grinding ... the high performance engine roared as Ezra's leg instinctively tensed on the gas pedal. Then, at last, everything stopped and the world was black.

It seemed like an eternity before Ezra woke up, lying with his head jammed into the dashboard and a horrible pounding in his ears. Everything was dark around him. It felt like hours before he could open his eyes and he immediately felt sick. He couldn't understand what he saw. It didn't make sense until he realized that his arm was caught on something and there was blood dripping from his hand. It was strange to watch it, but he did for a while, trying to remember what had happened. Finally, it dawned on him. An accident ... there had been an accident ... he and Buck were going somewhere. Buck? He wondered what had become of his lover.

***

In the ATF offices, the other members of Team 7 were also remembering. Chris Larabee sat in his desk chair, staring out of the window toward the mountains. It was exactly one year ago that his world was rocked by tragedy for a second time. His eyes fell on the photo on the corner of the credenza. A wistful smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he remembered that happier day.

Out in the bullpen, JD sat staring at his monitor. One year ago today, he had lost his big brother and best friend. He still lived in the loft apartment, Ezra had deeded it to him, telling him that Buck would have wanted him to have it. He still hoped, every time the doorbell rang, that it was his friend. He looked at the team photo on the corner of his desk and blinked back tears.

***

When the happy couple didn't arrive on time, the rest of the team began to worry. It wasn't like them to be late, ever. Ezra couldn't abide people arriving late. Chris and Vin piled into Larabee's truck to go looking for them while Josiah, Nathan and JD stayed behind with the minister and the few select guests who had been invited to witness the event.

Both men scanned the road, looking for the distinctive profile of the Jaguar. The tight curves and rolling hills made it impossible to see more than half a mile most of the time. As they got farther from the ranch, Chris's internal alarms were clanging loudly. It was so unlike Ezra and Buck to be late, especially for something as important as this. Coming over the top of a hill, Chris began to curse. A tractor-trailer rig hung over the guardrail completely blocking the narrow, two-lane highway and beyond it sat a bevy of emergency vehicles with flashing lights. For a moment, relief flooded through both men as they figured that their friends were stuck behind the traffic jam. Parking the truck on the shoulder, both Chris and Vin leapt out and ran to the rail.

"Aw hell, it's the Jag," Vin announced, pointing at the broken and crushed vehicle some fifty or sixty feet down the steep embankment. Chris ran back to the truck and grabbed a bundle of rope. Vin took the end and began to fashion a harness for himself. He noticed that Chris had also grabbed his leather gloves. Another police car pulled up behind the truck, the officer jumping out and running to peer over the guardrail. Chris flashed his badge, explaining that he knew the men in the car. The officer radioed to the others that there were at least two victims in the car.

While the officer was talking to the rescue unit on the other side of the jack-knifed truck, they agreed on a route down the side of the cliff and Vin climbed over the guard rail, trusting Chris to lower him as quickly as was safe. Vin could see that the car had settled nose first on the passenger side and was resting on a sizeable boulder, the rear of the vehicle higher than the front end. The sharp odor of gasoline filled the air from the punctured fuel tank. As soon as his feet touched the ground, he shed the rope and carefully made his way to the car. He could see the police and paramedics getting ready to come down from the other side of the wrecked tractor-trailer.

From up close, he could see that the car was hopelessly wrecked, twisted and jammed into a cleft in the rocks. Climbing over the smaller rocks and brush, he carefully reached out and rested his hand on Ezra's back, the only part of him he could reach. The uneven breaths under his palm told him that the man was hurt, badly. Making his way around the car, he was surprised to see that Buck was draped over the hood. Hesitantly, Vin reached out and pressed his fingers gently to his teammate's neck. He was relieved to feel the fluttering pulse and surprised to hear the low moan. He knew better than to move an injured person, boosting himself up on the hood. Vin flinched at the wealth of cuts to his hands from the shattered safety glass. Bracing himself on his palms, he leaned over so he could see if Buck's eyes were open. What he saw made him think, just for a moment, that it might have been better if he had died.

The windshield had exploded spectacularly, shredding the handsome face beyond recognition. Vin sprang away from the car and stumbled before falling to his knees and emptying his stomach. His vision grayed and he struggled to remain conscious. Never in his life had he ever been so glad to see paramedics. He told them who was in the car and that he would have their friends meet them at the hospital. The medics immediately went to work examining Buck and Ezra, not seeing the bloody hands Vin kept pressed tightly to his thighs. While the other rescue personnel were rappelling down to the car with more equipment, Tanner stood and made his way back to the rope and began to climb, he had to tell Chris so they could let the rest of the team know what had happened.

Chris wished that he had binoculars in his toolbox as he tried to see if there was any sign of life in the car. When Vin vaulted off of the hood and went to his knees, he feared for the worst. As Vin reached for the guardrail, Chris caught sight of the bloody palms, wrinkling his nose at how badly they must hurt.

"How bad is it?" Chris asked when he saw how shaken Vin was.

"They're both alive," Vin answered, blanching, as the memory of the shattered remains of Buck's face loomed large in his mind. He swayed for a moment and Chris took hold of him, easing him to the ground. Chris pulled his cell phone out and called Josiah, as Vin shuddered at the memory of the blood. He remembered his split-second hope that Buck had not survived and felt his heart clench in dread.

***

Josiah and Nathan shared a look as they watched JD touch the picture frame again. They remembered the horrible day like it was only yesterday. The whole team had suffered with their teammate right through the long, painful recovery. Ezra had not yet returned to undercover work. Mentally, he was still too fragile. He was still technically on light duty, restricted to office work. Most of the time, he was perfectly normal; but there were still bad days when he would go all to pieces. The profiler worked to keep him from crawling into a bottle, as Chris had done.

Several times over the past year, Nathan had considered transferring out. The team didn't function the way it had before and it was like watching his father die all over again. Travis had them doing investigations and providing background work for the other teams. He got up to get another cup of coffee and passed Ezra's desk, the memories assailing him again.

***

Because of his medical background, the paramedics had allowed Nathan to go down to the car during the extrication. Chris and JD had been taken to the hospital by patrol car following the ambulance with Buck inside. Vin paced on the shoulder, having recovered from the shock of seeing his friends like that. The patrolman refused to allow him to go back down to the car. Josiah stood like a stone sentinel, watching the extrication and praying. Ezra did not regain consciousness while they were cutting him from the car. He was incredibly lucky; his excellent physical shape gave him an edge. When they finally lifted him from the car, he was fully immobilized. He had multiple broken bones and glass cuts all over his arms. They worked to stabilize him for the trip to the hospital. The true horror of the accident wasn't revealed to Nathan until he got to the emergency room.

JD had gone wild after being told the extent of Buck's injuries. He flipped out so badly that Chris had been forced to hold him while the doctor gave him a sedative. As soon as Josiah had gotten there, Chris left JD in his care to join the others pacing outside of the surgical theater. When the surgeon finally came out, he explained everything to them, using words that wrung Nathan's heart. He had been so horrified by what he heard that he sank into a chair and wept. Buck Wilmington no longer had a face, it had been hopelessly destroyed in the accident.

***

Chris walked out of the office and looked around. He was half tempted to tell all of them to go on home but he knew that they needed to stay together.

"Let's head for the Saloon," he said to the tomb-like silence. He saw JD open his mouth to refuse so Chris used his I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer glare. The younger man sighed in a resigned tone before getting up and grabbing his jacket. The others, seeing JD moving, also got up and reached for their coats.

Sitting at the Saloon, each of them raised a glass in honor of their departed friend. Inez loaded them up with munchies and kept the sports channel playing on the TV rather than risk having someone play a song on the jukebox that would upset the delicate balance.

"Anyone heard from Ezra?" JD asked.

"Not since the day he left," Josiah answered. "He said that Maude was taking him to Vail."

"He's not planning to ski, is he?" Nathan asked.

"He wouldn't," Vin declared. "His leg still bothers him sometimes."

"When did he tell you that?" the medic inquired.

"I've known for a while."

They lapsed into an uneasy silence after that, each man lost in thought over their missing sixth and their lost seventh. Orin Travis had pushed Chris to hire another agent to replace Wilmington but he steadfastly refused. Vin had been moved up to second in command, a position he really didn't want.

Losing Buck had one unexpected result. Chris and Vin had become lovers. Only Tanner was brave enough to step into the hurricane of emotions to try to keep Larabee together. As expected, when they received word of Buck succumbing to his injuries, the team leader had descended into despair. For a month, he raged against God and the world. At one point, he had turned his anger on Ezra, who was still in a coma, pacing in his hospital room while ranting until security removed him. When Vin arrived to take custody of him, Chris took a swing at him. After a very, very brief fistfight, Tanner tossed Larabee into the jeep and drove him out to the ranch. He spent the next week listening to his boss rage. When Chris got into the liquor cabinet and got thoroughly and completely drunk, Vin had to manhandle him into bed. Pulling Chris up against his chest so he could tug the shirttail out of his pants, Vin felt him begin to nuzzle against his neck. Vin let his hands rest against the warm skin, sitting absolutely still through a series of kisses and nips.

"Don't leave me," Chris murmured, rubbing his cheek against the brushed flannel shirt before sighing and passing out. Vin eased him back, pulling a thick comforter over him.

It took them three months of awkward moments and long stares before they finally consummated their relationship. At first, they had come together desperately trying to feel something other than anger and helplessness as they watched Ezra struggle to make his life without his beloved Buck.

Ezra had come out of his coma still having a long way to go toward recovery. The accident had broken his right arm and collarbone, several ribs and shattered the bone in his thigh. He had been in a coma for two weeks, missing Buck's funeral. As soon as he was released from the hospital, Maude had whisked him away with her, to New Orleans. The French Quarter mansion she lived in had escaped the damage from hurricane Katrina. With all of the reconstruction happening there, it was a very busy place to be.

Maude hired a therapist to Ezra him with his depression. In spite of her insistence that he needed the change of scenery, he stayed only a few weeks. When he returned to Denver, she sent an entourage of staff to care for him. Ezra avoided his teammates at first, not being able to bear seeing them.

It was JD who finally worked his way back into Ezra's defenses. The younger man was as lost and devastated as Ezra. They spent a weekend crying and remembering together. Ezra feared that his teammates blamed him for Buck's death. JD assured him that the highway department investigator had found that there was no way he could have avoided the accident. The truck driver, having been behind the wheel for far too many hours, had dozed off. It was simply a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

When Ezra was able, he returned to light duty. His mother provided him with a van and a motorized wheelchair until he could walk again. He worked closely with Josiah, going over profiles and reviewing video and audio of meets between agents and suspects, giving his own unique perspective on the situations. He also went in the surveillance van several times, listening and giving advice to the agents during the meets. It was still awkward for him, every time he passed Buck's desk was like twisting a knife in his tender heart.

***

In Vail, Ezra had finished off several drinks and was now sitting alone staring out of the sliding door at the ski lift as it delivered people to the top of the mountain. Maude had gotten disgusted with him over his somber mood and left to find something more stimulating to do. The slight alcohol buzz was not enough to stop the parade of memories from coming. Through the tears, he saw the white gold band on his finger. Chris had been given the rings after the accident and he sent them to the jeweler to have them cleaned. Ezra had received the rings from the jeweler when he returned to Denver. For several days, he couldn't even bear to look at the satin-covered ring box.

It started on the drive home from the wedding of Mary Travis and Gerard Whitman. They had been talking about what a handsome couple the two made when Buck's question took Ezra by surprise.

"How about you and I doing that one day?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You and me, exchanging rings," Buck said.

And just like that, they made the decision.

They had told only a few people outside of their teammates. Originally, they planned to wear the rings on chains around their necks. With Buck gone, Ezra had decided to wear the ring on his hand and to hell with the consequences. To the surprise of his teammates, many of the other agents and staff in the building had known about them and were supportive of his decision.

Pressing his hand against the frigid glass, Ezra whispered softly, "I miss you, beloved."

***

Sitting in the bar, Maude dwelt on her part in her son's misery. She remembered very well the day when Chris Larabee had called to tell her that her darling baby boy laid near death in the hospital.

She had flown for nearly twenty hours, having to take a roundabout path from where she was vacationing on the French Riviera, suffering through the indignity of flying coach like a commoner. Taking a cab from the airport, she had arrived at the hospital exhausted. As she stood over Ezra's still form, she found herself crying. Half of his beautiful face was a swollen, discolored mess. His arm was in a cast, as was his leg. He had tubes and wires attached all over and was on a respirator.

Josiah put his arm around her and steered her into a chair at Ezra's bedside. He explained everything that had been done for her son. When his doctor arrived, she asked only one question, when could she take him home with her? The doctor told her that it would be at least a couple of weeks after he awoke from his coma, if he awoke at all.

He looked so painfully pale as she sat there watching him. It brought back memories of another time she had been in a room just like this. Ezra's father had suffered from a ruptured aneurysm when their son was only three. William Peyton Standish had lingered for almost a week before he just slipped away. She had sat there, just as still, just as frightened, just as alone. It wouldn't happen again, it just couldn't. She would hire the best doctors and a full time nurse to tend to her baby boy.

In her mind, there was only one person to blame, Buck Wilmington. She knew from talking to the others that her son's paramour was also badly injured in the accident. Ezra's teammates were dividing their time between the two men. She had yet to go up the hall and look in on him.

The doctor slipped in later that night. He looked surprised to see Maude still sitting at Ezra's side. He had sent a nurse in several hours ago to urge her to go to one of the empty rooms reserved for ICU families.

"I thought I left orders for you to go get some rest. Don't you need to get some sleep?" Dr. Lange said as he took the chart from the end of the bed and read over it.

"Not if I can help it," Maude replied, struggling to cover a yawn. "How is he?"

"He's stable. I told you earlier, there's every reason to believe he'll recover. Give him time. His body has been through an awful shock."

"So has mine. You're sure there won't be any permanent damage?" She paused for a moment, then said the dreaded words. "Brain damage?"

"I told you, Mrs. Standish, as far as I can tell, he'll be fine. A lot depends on how long he stays in the coma. But I'm not too worried yet."

"I am. What about his ... friend?"

"Not much is going to change for him. Not for the time being anyway. He's in stable condition but there's not a damn thing we can do for him. For one thing, it's much too soon, and for another, there are only one or two men in the country who can cope with that kind of total reconstruction. There is simply nothing left of his face, not a single bone intact, not a nerve, not a muscle. The only things not totally wiped out were his eyes."

"Pity," Maude replied sourly. "What happens to someone like that if there's no repair work done? Will he live?"

"Unfortunately, yes. But he'll never be the same. You can't just take a handsome young man like that and turn him into a horror and expect him to adjust. No one could. I'm most afraid that he'll take his life when it all finally hits him." Dr. Lange shook his head at the futility of the situation. "At least he's got some good friends to help him get through it. If it had happened in the line of duty, his federal insurance would cover most of the cost but they will only cover a percentage of the reconstruction work."

"What would something like that cost?" Maude asked, a niggling idea tugging at her brain.

"Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of a million dollars with all the support he'll need during the process."

"Do you know someone who could do it?"

"I've already spoken to Dr. Kevin Wild in Baltimore. He's the best of the best, a miracle worker," Dr. Lange said. That was how he had found out that the federal insurance wouldn't cover the reconstruction. Dr. Wild had contacted the insurance agency directly and found that they would cover only about half of the total cost.

"Thank you, for all you've done for Ezra."

After the doctor left, Josiah and Vin came to sit with Ezra for a while. She excused herself from the room and went cautiously up the hall. Chris and JD were at Buck's bedside, talking softly with him. They looked up in surprise at seeing her standing there.

"Maude ... please, come in," Larabee said, informing his oldest friend of the identity of his visitor. Buck's head came up slightly, the light over the bed illuminating the thick bandages that covered his entire head. Only a slit for his mouth and a triangle for his nose remained uncovered.

"Mr. Larabee, Mr. Dunne, may I have a moment ... alone with Mr. Wilmington?"

While JD immediately looked ready to protest, Buck squeezed his hand and silenced him. Chris leaned in close and said something and Wilmington nodded. The blond patted Buck's shoulder before moving away, looking to JD to follow. The young man hung back until the very man he was trying to protect nudged him.

"Go on, Kid. Grab a cup of coffee or something," Buck said softly.

When they were alone together, Maude closed the door and approached the bed. She studied the bandages and monitors for a moment before it occurred to her what was bothering her. "I thought the doctor said that your eyes were undamaged?"

"But there are cuts on my eyelids that had to be treated," Buck answered. "How's Ezra?"

"In a coma. Mr. Wilmington, have the doctors discussed your prognosis with you?"

"Some. They said that it will take a lot of surgeries to repair the damage."

"And have they told you that your insurance won't cover the cost?" Maude pressed.

"Yes, they told me," he admitted sadly.

"Have you given any thought to how you're going to pay for all of that?"

"Well, I've got some money put away, thanks to Ezra. And I can sell the loft. Chris has offered to take a mortgage on the ranch and the others have offered to help me."

"And they can come up with five hundred thousand dollars?" Maude asked.

Buck flinched at her words. "Five hundred thousand?"

"At the very least. Do you really think they can come up with that much money? Is it really worth it for your boss to mortgage his property for you?"

Despair welled up and broke through the carefully constructed wall he had built around his fear. Everything came crashing down on him and he began to shake. Monitors and alarms went off, summoning nurses to his side. Maude slipped away, an evil smile curling her ruby lips. Less than an hour later, she heard Buck screaming at his friends to get out and leave him alone. The doctor ordered all of them to leave so that he would calm down.

Driven from the hospital room, they had retreated to the room set aside for them. Nathan procured sedatives for Chris and JD, driving them into a deep, dreamless sleep. The others remained with them, watching their backs while they slept.

Early in the morning, Maude slipped down the hall to Buck's room again. She peered carefully into the room before ducking inside and closing the door again. Her son's paramour sensed that someone was there.

"Holly, is that you?" he called, thinking it was the nurse.

"No, Mr. Wilmington, it isn't Holly," she answered. "I have a proposition for you to consider. I will pay for your surgery on one condition."

Hope flared and Buck nodded toward her, "What is it?"

"That you go away from here and never see my son again."

It was like she had reached into his chest and ripped out his heart. The hope of seeing Ezra was the only thing that was keeping him going. He gasped for air like a landed fish. Maude moved closer, he could smell her perfume. She was waiting for an answer.

"Do you think Ezra will still love you looking like that? Appearances are very important to him. He is a very handsome man. Do you think he will be able to stand looking at you? Even if he tried, because he felt some bond of loyalty, of obligation, how long could it last? How long could you bear knowing what you looked like and what you were doing to him? There's nothing left of you. Nothing left of the man he fell in love with. You've already lost him. You couldn't do that to him. He deserves better than that. If you love him, you will do this for him."

"My friends won't let me do that," Buck protested. "They won't just let me go."

"If you tell them that it's what you want, they will. You can go away, have a new life."

"And what if ... what if Ezra comes looking for me? What if the guys come looking for me?"

"Then I will abide by that. But you cannot contact them unless they contact you first. Will you agree to that?"

Knowing that his friends would never leave him, no matter what he told them, he agreed.

"I will make all the arrangements, you'll leave tonight. Tell them whatever you wish as long as you don't mention that I'm involved."

That night, she overheard the commotion in the hall when the ambulance arrived to take Buck to the airport. Chris and the others, except JD, had pleaded and argued with him until the doctor threw them out of his room. JD was the only one who didn't rage and try to persuade his roommate to stay. With tears streaming down his face, the youngest member of the team had begged to go with Buck. The private duty nurses refused to answer any of their questions. Buck told Dr. Lange that he was leaving to be closer to family, who would take care of him during his convalescence.

Three days later, they got a call stating that Buck had expired from complications relating to his condition. Josiah and Nathan were at the hospital with Ezra when Chris called them with the news. The profiler slid down the wall, wrapping his arms around his knees as he began to sob. Nathan stood silently, tears streaming down his face as he slowly lowered the receiver.

The only day that Maude did not have the company of at least one of her son's coworkers was the day of the funeral. After some expensive negotiations, Maude acquired a cadaver and had it cremated and delivered to Denver. A notice came with the urn stating that it was Buck's last wish that he be cremated and that his ashes be sprinkled over the lake in the mountains of the Larabee ranch.

Letting her gaze rest on her drink, Maude remembered the day Ezra had finally regained consciousness. He was weak and disoriented.

She took up his hand and brushed her fingers gently along the side of his face. "Hello darling, you had me worried."

"Mother? What happened? Josiah ... where are the others?" Ezra turned his head slowly, looking for the others. "Buck? Where is he?"

"Don't you worry, Ezra," Maude interrupted, " Just try to rest. You've been unconscious for a long time."

"Mother, where is Buck? What happened to him?" He saw a sad expression flit across her face and felt Josiah take up his other hand and he knew. "No ... no ... Buck ... oh God ... NO!"

A bevy of nurses had rushed in at his agonized scream. Two weeks later, she had gotten on a plane with him and whisked him away. She had hoped to lift his depression by taking him to New Orleans with her. In the end, his psychiatrist persuaded her that it was better if he was allowed to return to Denver. She had not agreed with him but since Ezra was an adult, she couldn't stop him. Instead, she had supported him in every way she could. He had slowly begun to recover physically and emotionally. She saw him every couple of weeks. This trip was the first time that he had consented to go away with her and it was turning out just miserably.

***

Vin remembered the day they got the call. Chris answered the phone and listened for a moment before he began to pale. He hung up the phone and turned to face the others. "He's gone," he mumbled, sinking into a chair and fighting back the urge to hit something or get drunk.

As he lay in bed, Chris twitched and murmured in his sleep. Even after a year, he still had these spells where he couldn't really sleep. After they had come home from the saloon, he and Chris had made love. It wasn't the gentle, filling kind of sharing they normally had, it was frantic and life affirming. Chris had slammed into Vin so hard that he actually moaned in pain but he didn't ask his lover to stop. He knew that Chris needed this, needed to take out all of his frustration in one brutal encounter. Afterwards, Vin took two Tylenol and cuddled up to the sweaty, exhausted man. Only now, when he was completely spent did Chris lose the perpetual scowl he had developed since losing Buck.

***

Casey slipped her arm around JD and pressed her body tightly against his. For the past few days, as the anniversary of the accident approached, her fiancé had been edgy. She knew and she understood the reason behind it. JD insisted on waiting another couple of months before they got married, until he could afford to take her back east to see where he had grown up.

***

Buck heard the landing gear of the private plane that Maude had hired for his trip to Boston. He had dozed off just after takeoff and slept for most of the flight. A gentle hand touched his arm and he flinched from it.

"I'm sorry, I should have spoken before I touched you. We'll be landing in a moment. They have an ambulance waiting on the tarmac to take you to the hospital. Do you need another shot for the pain?"

Leslie, her name was Leslie and she promised that she would be with him all the way through what was coming. The other nurse was Shannon, whose thick Georgian accent made him want to cry every time she spoke to him. "No, I'm fine, darlin.' What's the weather like out there?"

Dr. Wild paced in the ambulance bay as he waited for his patient to arrive. He had gotten copies of his medical records from the hospital in Denver, along with the X-rays. He could see that Dr. Lange hadn't exaggerated his patient's condition. Over the next year and a half, he would slowly rebuild what had been a very handsome face. The two nurses he had sent to Denver would be with Buck 24/7 at first. Until the cheekbones and forehead were rebuilt, he would have to keep his eyes covered. He waited until the stretcher was inside before he spoke to his patient.

"Hello, Buck. I'm Kevin. How was the trip?" He spoke firmly, not like he was dealing with some fragile, faceless blob. He grasped one of Buck's hands and shook it, feeling some of the tension drain away from the taut frame.

"You're Dr. Wild?" Buck asked, already feeling like he could trust the man who belonged to such a strong, sure voice.

"Why don't you call me Kevin? We're going to be together for a while and I want us to be comfortable with each other."

During his first session with the psychiatrist, Buck explained that he had been in a committed gay relationship. He also told Dr. Wild and his staff. He wanted it all out in the open so that there were no surprises down the road for any of them. Kevin had laughed and said that the news would come as a relief to the husbands of the women who were going to be spending so much time with him.

"Ready?" Dr. Wild asked.

"I guess so," Buck answered. He couldn't feel anything from his shoulders up due to the nerve damage and the shots he had been given in preparation for the procedure. The bright lights of the operating room made his eyes water after so many days of being covered by bandages. One of the nurses smiled supportively as she wiped the tears away with a piece of gauze. He tried to stay calm as Kevin's face, partially obscured by the mask and surgical cap, appeared in his field of vision. The doctor had assured him that his face would be as close to the original as was possible. He had lots of pictures to work from.

After the first month, the bones had been shaped and fused. Buck had gone through an entire collection of books on tape and had walked hundreds of miles on the treadmill. During the day, he was generally in good spirits but at night, when he was all alone in his room, only then did he allow his tears to fall. The nurses and other people caring for him were friendly enough but he desperately missed Ezra and the guys. Sometimes, late at night, he would dial the office and listen to their voices on the answering machine. Dr. Kasir, his psychiatrist, asked him repeatedly why he didn't retain contact with his friends and why they didn't come to visit. Buck told him that he didn't want to put them through seeing him this way.

Over the next three months, Kevin worked on reconnecting the severed nerves and shaping the flesh over the newly healed bones. It was an especially painful part of the process. As the nerves connected, they sent mixed signals to his brain. Buck also began having nightmares. Ezra's birthday had come and gone and Buck missed him terribly.

Leslie finally convinced Buck to go with her for a walk. He had steadfastly refused to go out where people could see his disfigured face. When she discovered that he loved horses and knew how to ride, she got permission to take him out to a ranch. He couldn't ride, but he could see the horses and it would do him good to get out. Both she and Shannon were confused about the way he insisted in not making contact with his friends. They couldn't be too friendly if they hadn't made any effort to even write him. Leslie wanted to fly out to Denver and kick their behinds for the way they were treating the man she had grown to care about. She knew all about his relationship with Ezra, and she understood when the sound of Shannon's voice made him sad. Dr. Kasir was encouraging him to get out and meet a few more people.

Buck got a new camera from Kevin for Christmas. He had mentioned to Dr. Kasir that he used to be a fair photographer. Leslie coaxed him into going out to take pictures with her. She took him to the beach so he could get shots of the waves and sea gulls. They stopped at a lighthouse and he shot a whole roll of film. Waiting for the pictures gave him something to look forward to. She also took him out to Assateague Island so he could take pictures of the wild horses that that were descendants of the first horses brought there over a hundred years ago. The long walks helped him to regain muscle tone that he had lost during the long period he had been laid up. Some of the shots he captured were so spectacular that she persuaded him to try to sell them. With a forest green mat and a dark wood frame, the picture of the two stallions fighting on the beach was simply breathtaking. He autographed the picture in the corner before it was framed. When the picture sold for six hundred dollars, Buck was stunned. He had been agonizing over whether or not he could return to law enforcement when he was recovered, it was all he really knew. It never crossed his mind that he could take pictures that people would pay money for.

The next four months passed in a blur for Buck. It seemed that there were changes every time he looked in the mirror. Little by little, he was seeing his own face looking back at him. It was also the time that he was the most depressed. His birthday came and he insisted that he didn't want them to make a big deal of it. Leslie baked a cake and Kevin catered in a dinner of all of the foods that Buck had mentioned that he liked. None of them had any way of knowing that they were also the dishes that Ezra had made for him on his last birthday. He took one look at the table and began to shake. Tears blurred his vision as he bolted for his bedroom. Locking the door, he collapsed across the bed and cried.

Toward the end of his care, Buck was much more active. Kevin loaned him a car so that he could get out on his own. He was finally well enough to go horseback riding again as long as he kept to nothing faster than a trot. He never went anywhere without his camera. He had sold several of his pictures, both to individuals and to magazines. He also began to try to rebuild his social life. He hit a few clubs that were popular with both straight and gay couples. A few promising prospects approached him but none caught his fancy. None of them were the man his heart pined for, none of them was his beloved Ezra.

In the long hours of recovery from the multiple surgeries, Buck had time to think. Early on, he had expected to hear from one of his friends. As the days passed without contact, he became depressed. He couldn't imagine them just letting him go. Several times, he was tempted to pick up the phone and call but something kept stopping him. If they didn't care for him anymore, he wouldn't go crawling back to them. He mourned for the loss of his friends, swinging from profound sadness to anger to loathing the disfigured face that stared back at him from the mirror.

Twelve months and fourteen days after he and Kevin met, ahead of schedule, Buck was discharged. There were only a few tiny little imperfections in his face and the doctor assured him that they would fade with time. He had been forced to avoid the sun during the process and had lost his healthy tan. He would still need to see Kevin every few months to check his progress but he was as finished as the plastic surgeon could manage. He would still need to see Dr. Kasir for counseling for a few more months.

Someone from National Geographic had approached him about taking some pictures of caribou in British Columbia. They would pay for his plane and his hotel as well as paying him a salary while he was there. He had already accepted their offer.

At the last get together with the people who had given him back his face, Buck was again reeling under the impending loss. Those people had come to be a family to him as surely as the members of Team 7 and he loved them. Shannon asked the question that the others were afraid to ask.

"So, are you going to go back to Denver after your stint in Canada?"

The question caught him off guard. The fact that none of them had even tried to find him had hurt Buck terribly. He hadn't thought that they would just let him go the way they had. His heart was broken and he wasn't quite ready to face the people who had so abruptly given up on him.

"No, I think I'll just drift for a while and see what comes my way," he told them.

Life in British Columbia was a study in contrasts. There were days when Buck fell into bed so tired that he was asleep before the sheets warmed beneath him. Other days, he was bored almost to tears. The first time he saw a whole herd of caribou migrating across an open field, he almost cried. The day he came across the young animal that had fallen and broken a leg, he did cry. But there were long stretches of days that gave him time to think. And time to miss Ezra.

***

Coming back from Vail, Ezra was finally ready to try to return to full duty. He began working with Vin and Chris to pass his physical re-qualification. It was a long and tiresome road. His leg still gave him an occasional twinge but the doctor assured him that he was completely healed and that he needed only develop a tolerance for the pain until it passed. He took to jogging in the morning with JD and occasionally with Nathan. He worked out in the gym at the ATF building every afternoon. He found that vigorous physical activity left him without the time or the energy to mourn. Vin and Chris began inviting him to go out with them on weekends, so that he didn't sit at home all alone.

Casey stuffed one more shirt into her suitcase, waiting for JD to come and get it from her. He had already carried their other bags down to Josiah's car. They had gotten married two days earlier, in a small, private ceremony. Buck's spirit hung heavily over the church, represented by the absence of a best man. They were going to Boston for a week so that JD could show her where he had grown up. She was looking forward to getting him out of Denver and away from the memory of his lost big brother. JD came up, took the suitcase from her hand and waited for her to take one final look around.

The plane touched down and JD found himself looking forward to this vacation. They rented a car and drove to their hotel first. After checking in, they drove by the mansion where JD's mother had worked. The place had not changed much. JD pointed out the large stable where he had spent most of his free time as a youth. They drove past the high school and the church before going to the cemetery. JD grew quiet as he brushed his hand over the stone.

***

The small plane touched down, shaking like it was rolling on a washboard. Buck's heart was in his throat as he braced his arms against the sides of the plane. He had gotten a report that a large herd of caribou, females and calves, was moving across a glacier and that there was a plane coming to take him there to shoot. When the small plane stopped, he unbuckled his seatbelt with shaky hands and got out. The pilot handed down his bags and pointed him toward the corrugated metal shack where his guide was waiting. Both of them piled on a snowmobile after stowing his bags and set out across the glacier.

***

It was dreadfully quiet in the office. Josiah and Nathan were working on background for a case with Team 4. Vin was at the range, getting in some target practice with a new sniper rifle. Chris was working on the monthly expense reports. Ezra was out in the surveillance van with Team 6, supervising a meet with a known gun dealer. Enrique Rodriguez was notoriously hinky at meetings, sometimes breaking into show tunes and refusing to deal with anyone who didn't sing along. Without JD in the office, it was just too quiet. Nathan got up and turned on the radio on Vin's desk. The twangy country music helped to fill the empty air.

Chris got up from his desk and stretched, pulling the kinks out of his back. A plane flew by, close enough that he could see the markings on the side. From there, his eyes traveled again to the old team photo on his desk. Even as he was seized my melancholy, the phone rang.

"Larabee," he snapped.

"Chris, I was just wondering if you all had lunch yet. I'm finished here and I can stop by the deli and pick up sandwiches or something," Vin said.

"You finished already?"

"Yeah, the new rifle is great. I finished the targets and there wasn't much to do at the range so, I figured I'd pick up lunch for all of us. Is Ezra back yet?"

"Not yet, they were meeting with Rodriguez so it's anybody's guess," Chris said as he turned to look at the small plane that was passing the building again. This time, it was pulling a banner advertising some used car dealership. He heard something in the outer office and looked out to see that Ezra was coming in. "Hey, he's here. Let me see what they want for lunch."

As they sat around the conference room table eating sub sandwiches, the phone rang. It was JD, calling to let them know that they had been to all of the places he wanted Casey to see. He wanted to know how the Rodriguez meet went, he had gleaned information about the man and his organization right up until he left for the wedding. They chatted on speakerphone for a while before Casey called out that she was ready to go. They were going sightseeing.

"He sounds so happy," Nathan mused.

Out of the blue, Ezra found his eyes filled with tears. He got up and bolted from the room. Josiah went after him, stopping at the locked restroom door. He looked up to find Nathan standing beside him, contrition writ large on his face. Josiah reached out and gave the medic's shoulder a gentle shake, loosening the tight stance.

***

Buck was freezing! His knees were like blocks of ice as he knelt behind the large snowmobile. He had been snapping pictures of the herd for a couple of hours. His guide smiled as he pointed to a small group of young bucks who were playfully butting heads and rearing up to kick at each other.

When he finished shooting for the day, he and his guide got back on the snowmobile and went back to the cabin he would be using for the duration of his stay. It was a small place, really only one room, but it was snug and warm. His bags had been brought in and unpacked. A crock-pot sat on the counter with a rich, thick stew simmering. A knock at the door brought in a smiling face. The young woman went immediately to the pot and stirred the contents.

"Are you ready to eat now?" she asked.

He was so dazed by the long flight, jet lag and the immediate immersion into his new job, that he missed her question. He rewound her words in his mind and played them again before he smiled. "Yeah, I'm starved. Thank you. Name's Buck, by the way."

Giving a dazzling smile that revealed perfect white teeth, she blushed. "My name is Lilly. If you sit, I will make your plate."

Over the next two weeks, Buck spent a portion of every day shooting pictures. After the first few days, he was invited to join Lilly and her family for dinner. He met Diana and Jack, Lilly's parents as well at Thomas and Curtis, her brothers. The boys were interested in hearing all about his former job working for the ATF. Buck regaled them with some amusing stories about bad-guy blunders. When it was time for him to go back to his cabin, Thomas went along to make sure he got there safely. While they were walking, Buck paused to look up at the stars and a wave of sadness swept over him.

"Are you alright, Buck?" Thomas asked, easily reading the pain on the older man's face.

"I'm fine, Thomas. It's just that the sky here is so ... beautiful."

The younger man looked up and shrugged, he had seen the stars all of his life. But he could see that there was still so much pain in the deep, expressive eyes. He waited until Buck looked away and sighed before they went on to the cabin. The next day, to Buck's surprise, it was Thomas who arrived to take him out on the glacier. Thomas took him to places his regular guide hadn't and they got to watch a new mother with a very young calf. Buck's lens allowed him to see up close how the female interacted with her baby. They watched as she selected a place to make a bed for the two of them. Thomas pressed something into his hand and he ate, not even knowing what it was that he put into his mouth. That evening, Buck slept uneasily, tossing and turning in his blankets as he dreamt.

***

JD and Casey walked arm in arm down the sidewalk as they window-shopped. At an art gallery, he spotted a picture that he just knew Chris would love. It showed a pair of stallions fighting each other on a beach.

"Come on, Casey, I wanna see what they want for that picture," JD said as he dragged his wife into the shop. A bell over his head jingled as he opened the door and a woman stood up behind a desk in the corner.

"Welcome! Is there something in particular you wanted to see?" she asked as she approached.

"This picture over here, of the stallions, how much is it?" JD asked as he led the woman to the piece that had caught his eye.

"Oh, this one! We get a lot of inquiries on this picture. The owner is asking $1,000 for it. The photographer is new but his work is striking. I have some other pieces by this photographer that are not as expensive as that one, if you're interested."

The cost was out of his range but JD hoped that there might be another picture that was almost as good as the one on the wall. The woman showed him several 8X10's of similar scenes and he found another one that he thought Chris might like. He also bought a frame and waited while she put the picture in it and packed it in a box for safe keeping. The woman gave him a card to fill out in case she got any other pictures from the same photographer. JD noticed that there was no name on the card, just a number identifying which picture he had chosen.

Josiah invited Ezra to come and spend the day together. The anniversary of Buck's death had been very hard for him and he was still struggling to deal with it. All day the day before, he had been staring at the monitor on his desk. The profiler was actually surprised when the younger man agreed. They shared a pleasant enough day. Ezra wanted to go up to the lake where they had scattered Buck's ashes. Chris had arranged for a stone to be erected there, giving all of them a place to go to remember their friend. Josiah and Ezra rode up and tethered their horses to a tree. Josiah hung back and allowed the younger man to have some time alone. Ezra touched the stone reverently before moving to stand where he could look out across the lake. Light, fluffy clouds were reflected in the smooth, glassy surface, making the water seem to reach down to forever. His chest tightened until it hurt to draw a breath into his lungs. Finally, the walls shattered and all of the emotion he had been holding back came pouring out in anguished sobs. Josiah gently wrapped his arm around Ezra, not turning him from the lake, but merely offering his presence.

Chris sighed as he stepped up behind Vin and leaned against his spare frame. Tanner settled into the familiar embrace. His lover had been oddly melancholy all morning. It started when he saw Josiah and Ezra riding up toward the lake. Ever since, he had been touching and pressing against Vin at every opportunity. Vin realized that it was his way of reassuring himself that his lover was still there.

"They've been up there a long time," Chris said.

"He hasn't been up there in a while. And Josiah's with him, he'll take care of Ezra."

***

The large, enclosed snow mobile had only the one headlight but it gave off plenty of light for Buck to see where they were going. Thomas had invited him to ride into town because there was a new band playing at the local tavern. Over the past few days, he and Buck had spent a lot of time together. They found that they enjoyed each other's company.

The music was loud, the crowd was rowdy and Buck actually found that he was enjoying himself. Thomas introduced him to everyone and the people were very friendly and welcoming. The bartender kept his drink fresh and the wings were so hot, he thought his tonsils were going to melt. When the crowd got up to line dance, Buck allowed Thomas to drag him from his stool and onto the floor. After watching and getting bumped into by cheerful dancers, he got the hang of it.

It was numbingly silent outside of the tavern after the loud music inside. Thomas waved to some of the others who were also leaving. Buck got in and closed the door behind him, feeling a satisfying buzz in his head. He pressed back into the seat and let his eyes drift closed. Thomas got in and started the engine, pulling slowly onto the road. They rode in silence for a while before Buck heard his friend speak.

"How long were you with him?"

"Who?" Buck asked, feeling as though he'd missed something.

"The guy you're still pining for," Thomas answered.

"I'm not still pining for him."

"If you say so."

When they reached Buck's quarters, Thomas shut off the engine and got out. Buck smiled and threw his arm across the shorter man's shoulder. It was comfortably warm in the small shack and they peeled off outerwear and hung it near the door. Buck moved to light the kerosene lantern, listening as Thomas sank into the couch and sighed.

"Coffee?" Buck asked without turning.

"Sure," Thomas answered.

Buck set the cups into the microwave and started them warming. He suddenly felt nervous and he didn't know why. His hands shook and he pressed them against the countertop as he took several deep breaths.

"Something wrong?" Thomas asked.

"No, I'm fine," he answered. He heard the other man get up and come across the room to stand behind him. Thomas put his hand on the small of Buck's back and began to rub in a circle. It was totally soothing and Buck moaned slightly. The timer on the microwave sounded and instead of removing the cups, he turned around and drew Thomas to his chest. It felt so good to be holding a warm body in his arms again. He nuzzled against the thick, dark hair. Warm lips found his and Buck raised his hand to hold Thomas's head as he ground their lips together. His tongue danced along the crease and Thomas opened his mouth to welcome the intrusion. Buck let his other hand drift down to cup a firm butt cheek and pull the younger man tightly against his thigh.

Thomas moaned and then felt Buck tense. The hand gripping his behind loosened, as did the one cradling the back of his head. Almost reluctantly, he felt the pressure of Buck's lips lighten until they were gone. He heard Buck sigh as his hands fell away.

"I'm sorry, Thomas, I can't do this," Buck whispered. "Please ... forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. You're still in mourning for him. I had to give it a try, though."

Buck watched as Thomas turned, walked to the door and pulled on his coat before leaving. He gave in to the trembling as he stumbled over and sank into the couch, covering his face with his hands as he began to sob.

***

JD had been back from his honeymoon for almost a month when he got a postcard from the shop where he bought the picture he had given Chris. It said that there was a collection from the same photographer on a web site if he was interested in purchasing another piece. He went online, skipping over the printed information about the photographer, and was awed by the stunning beauty and savagery of the scenes. The site noted that a few of the pieces were autographed by the photographer and he selected one to give to Ezra, hoping to lighten his mood. He made arrangements to have it delivered to the office so he could see it before giving it to Standish.

The package arrived at the end of the week and JD took it home with him to look at and rewrap. Ezra was undercover for the second time since being returned to full, regular duty. JD figured that he could give him the picture to congratulate him at the end of a successful mission. It was a pathetic excuse but it was the only one he could come up with on short notice.

After removing the protective packaging, JD laid the frame on the dining room table. Casey came in and looked on curiously. JD lifted the Styrofoam from the glass and he and Casey stared in awe at the pair of young caribou bucks playfully pushing against each other. The photo was so close that they could see that the horns were still in velvet.

"JD?" Casey said, her eyes locked on the corner of the photo, just above the silver-gray mat. Her husband followed the direction of her gaze and squinted at the pale ink of the autograph.

Within moments, JD was hacking into the SSA computer system. Punching in a number he knew from memory, his jaw dropped at the recent wages reported on Buck's social security number. Without taking his eyes from the screen, he picked up the phone and dialed the ranch.

The steam in the bathroom was hanging just above their heads as Vin and Chris showered. They had already indulged in a bout of gentle loving, just to warm them up for the long night ahead. Josiah and Nathan had the surveillance detail on Ezra until six in the morning, when Chris and Vin would take over. If all went according to plan, the bust would take place tomorrow evening and they would take down a major distributor of contraband weapons and untaxed cigarettes.

"Is that the phone?" Vin asked as he toweled off. Chris sighed and dashed out, naked and dripping wet to snatch up the receiver and bark his name.

"Chris, it's JD. You aren't going to believe what I just discovered! Someone's been using Buck's social security number. I'm sending you the file."

"What made you check for activity on his social security number?" the team leader asked.

"You know that picture I brought you from Boston? I ordered another one from the same photographer to give to Ezra and the guy's using Buck's name so I checked with the SSA. I can't believe the nerve of this guy! I'm so glad I looked at this before I gave the picture to Ezra, that would have killed him!"

"Okay JD, just send me the file and we'll look into it first thing on Monday." Chris hung up the phone and turned to run right into his lover. "Vin! Good God, you startled me!"

"What's up?" the sharpshooter asked as he took a towel and dropped it on the puddle at Chris's feet.

"That was JD. He found out that someone's using Buck's name and social security number."

"Aww hell," Vin said.

***

Dr. Kasir studied the man sitting on the other side of the desk. Buck had come back from Canada in a deep depression. He was very concerned. It took only a little pressure to get the story out of him, that he'd almost had a fling with a younger man while on assignment in Canada. He was filled with loathing and guilt over it.

"The first warm body to touch me in almost 18 months and I was all over him! It was like ... I felt like ... like ... I was being unfaithful. I just wanted to ... throw him on the bed and ... and," Buck stopped, unable to put into words what he'd felt.

"You wanted to have a physical relationship with him and you felt guilty about feeling that way?"

"I felt ... dirty. I didn't ... love him. I would have been using him and I'm not like that. Not anymore," Buck said, swallowing the last two words.

By the end of the session, Dr. Kasir was shaking his head in disbelief. He knew, from Buck's own confession, that Buck had been very active with the ladies before getting together with Ezra. Buck had very deep seated feelings about the lover who had, apparently, deserted him when things got bad. Buck also presented him with a beautiful shot of the herd of caribou running across the ice. The plumes of their breath were clearly visible. He scheduled sessions for every other day for the next few weeks.

***

The music was so loud that Buck couldn't hear anything that was said to him. Only the bartender, who kept bringing him ice-cold long necks, was able to hear anything, or so it seemed. Several men had approached him and he shook his head at their invitations. He just wanted to drink enough to go back to the apartment and pass out, hopefully into a dreamless sleep.

***

"ATF, freeze!" Chris shouted as he stepped out of his hiding place. All four of the men at the table raised their hands in surrender. Each of them was handcuffed and taken to the police van for transport back to the Federal building. It was hoped that they would admit something to Ezra in the lockup. They wanted to get dirt on the lawyer who was representing the men. When the men he was arrested with shut down and ignored him, Ezra was released from the cell. They resolved to get the lawyer another day.

On Monday morning, five of the six remaining members of Team 7 were staring in disbelief at the information they had unearthed on the man using Buck's name and history. They had an address for an apartment in Boston, a vehicle, driver's license, a passport, and earnings from the last six months. Travis, surprisingly, gave them permission to go after the man. They were trying to come up with an excuse to avoid Ezra finding out what they were going to do. Unfortunately, the undercover agent walked in holding one of the printouts JD had made on the man's use of Buck's credit cards.

"What in the world is this?" Ezra asked as he offered out the report.

"Ezra ... it's a ... it's-" JD began.

"Sit down, Ezra," Chris ordered. By the time he finished explaining, Ezra was shaking with rage. He demanded to go with them, if only so he could see the man who dared to use his lover's name and information. By the end of the day, they had airplane tickets to Boston.

The Ford Expedition pulled in to the curb in front of the apartment building where the man was supposed to be living. Chris and the others got out and walked to the door. He turned to Ezra before they stepped inside.

"Are you going to be able to control yourself?"

"Yes, I am perfectly capable of keeping my emotions under rein," Ezra replied acidly.

They paused outside of the apartment before Chris raised his hand and knocked. He tensed as he heard the locks opening. When the door swung open, his jaw dropped in complete shock.

It was fortunate that he was holding on to the doorknob or he would have fallen flat on his ass. Buck stared at the men standing outside of his apartment as if they were raised from the dead. Chris and Vin were standing shoulder to shoulder and he could see Josiah and Nathan behind them. Suddenly, the two men parted and Ezra stood in front of him.

"Buck," Ezra whispered as his eyes filled with tears.

"Ezra? What are you doing here?" Buck asked when he could find his voice. Ezra reached out as if to touch him and Buck stepped back.

"Buck?" Ezra questioned.

"What in the hell are you doing here?"

JD pushed to the front and stopped, his eyes gone round as saucers and his jaw hanging open. He couldn't believe that he was looking at a man he though died over a year ago. He closed the distance between them and threw his arms around the stunned man. "Oh God, you're alive!"

"Of course I'm alive," Buck replied, his arms going around his former roommate. A flood of emotions ran through Buck as he held the trembling young man and looked at his former lover. It hurt, deep inside to see Ezra standing there, looking so vulnerable. A well of rage surged and he pushed JD away, turning from the door. He heard them moving hesitantly into his living room but didn't turn to face them.

"Buck-" Chris began.

"I don't want to hear it, Larabee!"

"But you don't understand-"

"What is there to understand? You never even bothered to look for me! What can you say that will change that? Every day I waited for you to get in touch with me in spite of what she said!" Buck yelled, his hands clenched tightly into fists.

"We thought you were dead, Buck," Josiah said gently.

"What do you mean 'dead'?" Buck asked.

"In spite of what who said?" Ezra asked at the same moment.

"We were told that you were dead," Nathan said in answer.

"In spite of what who said?" Ezra asked again, knowing and yet dreading the answer.

Sticking his pinkie fingers into his mouth, Vin whistled, getting everyone's attention. "Sit down, Buck, Ezra, and let's figure this out."

Taking deep breaths, each man found a place to sit. Nathan realized that Ezra was sweating and shaking, and he feared that he was slipping into shock. He sat beside Ezra, preparing to offer assistance if he should need it. Buck was too angry to feel the effect just yet.

"Thank you, Brother Vin. Now, Buck, I realize that you're hurt and angry but you must understand that we received a call telling us that you had died as a result of your injuries. We received an urn, purportedly containing your ashes. We mourned and grieved for you. If we had gotten even a hint that you were still alive, we would have been there for you. Now, please, answer Ezra's question."

"What was Ezra's question?" Vin asked, realizing that Standish was staring with total disbelief at his former lover.

"It was Maude ... she sent you away ... and paid you ... not to get in touch with me," Ezra said. "She finally found a way to drive you away from me, didn't she?"

"She told you that I died?" Buck countered. His anger was rapidly dissipating and he was beginning to shake.

"We got a phone call saying that you died," Chris explained. "It was like losing Sarah and Adam all over again."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Ezra whispered.

"Up the hall on the left," Buck automatically offered. Ezra nodded and bolted from his seat, one hand clamped over his mouth. Vin leapt up to follow. Nathan moved closer to Buck and snaked a hand out to check his pulse. The medic reached up and tugged until Buck's head was between his knees, urging him to take slow, deep breaths.

Vin plundered the linen closet for a washcloth. Wetting it, he reached out and wiped Ezra's face. A shaky hand reached out and flushed the commode. Vin passed his hand up and down Ezra's back, amazed at how much he was sweating. Finally, Ezra sank back to sit on his heels and looked up at Vin. He opened his mouth to try to speak and ended up sobbing helplessly. Vin pulled him to his feet and held him, letting his friend get it all out.

"What did she say to you?" Chris asked as he moved closer to Buck.

"She paid for everything. There was just one catch, I couldn't contact you or Ezra. I figured that you guys would be looking for me, so I didn't worry about it. When the days passed, I didn't know what to think. After a while, I just figured you all had given up on me."

"I would have searched for you forever if I had known you were alive," Ezra said softly. All eyes came to rest on him, taking in the pale skin and red, swollen eyes. "But I swear to you, she will regret what she did ... to you ... to us."

"What do you mean by that, Ezra," JD asked.

"She will pay ... she will rue the day that she ... decided ... to interfere in my life," Ezra said, his voice thick with rage and menace.

"Why didn't you get in touch with us anyway?" Nathan wanted to know.

"I gave her my word. She said she would take the money back if I-"

"Money? That's what this was all about? How much did she say it would cost you?"

"A million dollars. Dr. Wild is the best in the world. And there were the round-the-clock nurses and the apartment."

"Your medical insurance would have covered most of that," Nathan interrupted.

"No, they said that it wasn't covered because it wasn't a line-of-duty injury," Buck argued.

"You have disability coverage and the trucking company paid almost a half a million dollars into your estate," Josiah countered.

"She said ... she said that he would stay with me because of some ... misguided sense of loyalty or ... obligation. I couldn't bear the thought of him ... seeing me like that day after day."

"Am I that shallow to you?" Ezra asked. "I didn't fall in love with you because of your looks! I fell in love with you. I don't care what you look like on the outside."

"Will you come back, to Denver, with us?" Chris asked.

"I don't know. Chris ... it's been over a year. It's not like I can just ... pick up and go h-h-home again," Buck said, his voice thick with emotion.

"If you come home, you can be our baby's Godfather," JD offered.

Several pairs of stunned eyes turned to the youngest member of their team. Josiah was the first to recover, moving to embrace JD and thumping him soundly on the back.

"Congratulations! That is good news, son."

Vin and Ezra were next to offer their congratulations, asking when the baby was due. Chris smiled, there was no way that Buck could refuse an offer like that. Nathan rose from kneeling at Buck's feet to hug JD and tease him that he'd better stock up on sleep, he wouldn't get much after the baby came. Buck looked up at the kid, his eyes awash with tears.

"My little Casey-girl is pregnant? I thought I taught you better than that," Buck scolded.

"It's okay, we're married."

"Married? When?"

The next hours were filled with catching up. Each of them spent several minutes relating the things that had happened since Buck had been away. Nathan asked Buck to tell them about what his year was like. A long, pregnant pause filled the room, making them feel uncomfortable.

"Never mind, you don't have to tell us anything," the medic said, feeling badly for bringing up such a painful topic.

"Please come home with us, Buck," JD begged.

"But I don't have a job, a place to stay."

Ezra looked up, hurt shining in his eyes before he looked away.

"You can stay with me and Casey. We still live at the loft. Ezra deeded it to us after-" JD paused, realizing that he had brought up the awkward topic again.

"I'll think about it, JD. Where are you guys staying while you're here?"

Realizing that he had just been handed an out, Chris stood and stretched. "We hadn't planned that far ahead. We'll grab a couple of hotel rooms. I have to call Judge Travis and break the news to him, he's going to flip."

One by one, they got up to leave the apartment. Josiah and Nathan went to the door, hoping to encourage the others into leaving. Vin and JD also moved toward the door. Chris and Ezra were the last to rise. Ezra stared with longing at Buck before moving to stand beside Vin. The sharpshooter put an arm around his shoulder and Ezra gave him a wan smile. They began to slip into the hall until only Chris remained inside of the apartment.

"Would it help if I said that he's been miserable without you?"

"Chris, I need some time to think about it. Please?"

"We miss you, pard," he stepped in and gave Buck a gentle hug before turning to leave.

Silence descended on the apartment as Buck sank into his chair. After a couple of moments, he began to tremble. When he closed his eyes, he could see the stunned, anguished look in Ezra's beautiful green eyes. When he stopped shaking, he picked up the phone and dialed a number from memory.

"Leslie, darlin', I need you. Can you come over to my place?"

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