Vin and Buck had lost the inner office lottery and had been assigned the Washington departmental conference into the transportation of illegal weapons over state lines. Though Buck wasn't too upset about the situation, Vin was still suspicious about Ezra's handling of the ballot and intended to have a ‘quiet’ word with the Southerner when he got back to the office on Monday.Tanner had tried everything to get out of the conference, even going as far as to do the one thing he would never do, and complain to Nathan that he wasn't feeling well. The former medic had seemed to listen with his usual apparent concern, before slipping the undeniably healthy sharpshooter a couple of Tylenols and informing him that should the symptoms persist, for Vin to see him when he got back from the conference.
So, Vin and Buck left for Washington after all.
Now, after three days and two nights, they were home. The flight had been a long one for Vin. He hated flying, and it felt good to be back, even if it was at the start of oncoming Denver snowstorm. Their plane's arrival had been perfect, given the weather situation. Any later and they may have ended up diverted to some other airport, which would have meant more time locked in a stuffy plane or crammed into a over crowded airport.
Vin hated planes, he hated motels and God, how he hated Federal conferences.
After picking them up at the airport and dropping Buck off at his apartment, Chris had refused to take Vin back to Purgatorio. Knowing that the heater in Vin's apartment was still broken, the ATF leader would not be dissuaded by the Texan's arguments to the contrary and they settled down for the drive to the ranch. It wasn't long before warm cabin air and the steady purring of the Ram's engine lulled the sharpshooter into a peaceful sleep.
Arriving at the ranch and turning off the engine, Chris was more than a little surprised when the young man beside him seemed totally unaffected by the truck's sudden lack of motion and continued to sleep. He was used to the sharpshooter's constant reactions to the slightest sound, or change of situation. Assuming the air travel had worn him out, Chris took note of the continuing snowfall and knew he needed to wake Vin up and get them inside before the warmth inside the truck's cabin cooled down.
Leaning closer to the sleeping Texan, the blonde undid Vin's seat belt and was about to wake the sleeping man, when the Texan shifted in his sleep. Chris watched transfixed as Vin’s face came to rest a mere inch from his own. A small contented sigh escaped through the sleeping man’s slightly parted and very tempting lips.
Having kept his ‘real’ feeling's for Vin well-hidden over the long months he had know the sharpshooter, never in a million life times would have Chris Larabee have ever imagined that he would do what he was about to do. Yet, here he was on a cold Denver night, sitting in a car with a sleeping male team member, and without thought and on an impulse he would never be able to explain, he closed the gap between them and gently pressed his lips to Vin’s.
Whatever dream he was having, Vin didn’t want to wake up as he melted into the warm feelings invading his sleep. Reacting to the warm lips on his, he was beginning to return the passion when he was abruptly brought back to awareness and found himself face to face, or more to the point, lip to lips with his boss, Chris Larabee.
"Shit!" Vin cried as his shaking fingers found the door handle and in a scrambling panic, the sharpshooter fell in a tangle heap onto the snow-covered ground.
"God, Vin! I'm sorry. Are you alright?" Chris cried out, the realization at what had he had just done suddenly sinking in as he leaned across the seat and searched the open doorway.
Vin sat bewildered in the cold wet snow, the ache in his left wrist, where had tried to protect himself in the fall, dulled by the thudding pounding of his heart. "Ya kissed me!"
"Jesus, Vin. I'm sorry. I don't know what--God, I'm sorry," Chris apologized as he scrutinized his best friend's face for any sign of disgust, or loathing.
"No, ya don't understand," Vin argued as he shook his head, scattering the loose falling snowflakes from his hair. "You, Chris Larabee kissed me, Vin Tanner."
"I know who we are, Vin and yes, I kissed you. I was here, remember? Please get back into the car. Nathan will kill me if you catch pneumonia."
"But, ya fuckin’ kissed me." Vin numbly repeated as he scrambled to his feet and somewhat nervously climbed back into the Ram.
‘Shit, Larabee, what the Hell were you thinking?’
"Just breathe, Vin. Are you sure you're alright?"
“Ya kissed me?” Vin repeated.
Chris shook his head and blew out a puff of air, “Yeah, I think we’ve pretty much ascertained that I kissed you. Shit, I am so sorry Vin. I just… It was an impulse. You looked so…Damn, I fucked up.”
Apart from the shock of his best friend kissing him, Vin’s wrist had now become a throbbing ache. ‘God, he needed a drink; a big one.’
“Impulse?” Vin asked quietly.
“I know, it is a stupid reason to fuck up a friendship,” Chris answered as he watched Vin reach for the car door and step out into the snow.
Jumping from the car, Chris watched his friend slowly heading toward the house. ”Vin?”
“I need a drink.” Vin called back without turning around.
Part Two
With the back door always left open, Vin headed straight through the house to Chris’ den, where he grabbed a glass and poured himself a drink from the nearest bottle he could find. Still favoring his hurt wrist, he put the bottle down and quickly tossed the amber fluid down his throat.The burning path of the whiskey was still no match for the fire that had been ignited on his lips. Quivering fingers gently touch the scorched area’s careful not to diminish the feelings that been torched by Chris’ touch.
It was real. Chris had kissed him. It was something Vin had wanted since the moment he had set eyes on the lean blonde. Yet it was something Vin had not allowed himself to believe he could have. Chris Larabee had been a husband, and father. Nothing in his past pointed to the fact the he could love another man, yet, there was no denying the fact; Chris had kissed him.
“Vin?”
“Was it an impulse or curiosity?” Vin asked as he turned around to face his friend.
“No, definitely not curiosity, Vin,” Chris answered honestly.
Vin acknowledged the answer with a nod, and still at loss as to how to handle the situation, started to head to the spare room where he’d slept over on more than one occasion.
Chris wanted more than anything to repair the damage he had caused, but he couldn’t find the words to make everything right again.
Vin paused at the doorway and turned around. “Is it the hair?”
“The hair?”
“My hair,” Vin gestured to shoulder length locks, trying in some odd way to lighten the mood.
Chris actually smiled at thought, “It’s your hair, your eyes, your smile, your heart and your soul. It’s everything about you Vin.”
Seemingly resigned to not understanding, Vin again nodded, as he took a couple of more steps.
The smile that Vin’s question had produced in Chris fell, as he watched the seemingly confused young man again pause.
“Did ya think hard on the consequences of that impulse of yers?”
The blonde’s shoulder’s slumped, and shook his head, “No I can’t say that I did. Impulses are like that, you just don’t think. Please Vin, I can’t lose you over a kiss. I’m so sorry” He implored.
Vin couldn’t help wondering if Chris was sorry about the kiss, or sorry that the risk he took could backfire on him. Unsure if anything could be fixed tonight when they were both so wound up and tired, Vin nodded and tossed Chris a halfhearted smile, “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m kinda wore out. See ya in the morning, ok.”
Feeling like his life was falling apart; Chris opened his mouth to speak, but only managed a nod in acknowledgement as he watched his friend leave. Walking over to the drink hutch, he poured himself a double whiskey, before slamming the empty glass on the bench. “Damn it to Hell”
+ + + + + + +
“Chris?”
Brought back to his senses by the soft voice, Chris struggled to wake up. His eyes finally came to rest on a half dressed figure in the bedroom doorway, “Vin, is that you?”
“Yeah,” he replied, “can we talk?”
“Of course,” Chris agreed as he reached over, turned on the light and pushed himself up in the bed. “Grab a seat,” he gestured uneasily to the bed. “Or there’s a chair over against wall if you’d feel a little easier.”
“Bed’s fine,” Vin responded as he took a seat at the end of it. “Sorry, I woke ya. I guess, I just can’t sleep with thin’s unsaid between us.”
“Well I find whiskey fixes that problem,” Chris lamented the drinks he had drunk to salve his conscience that night.
“Ain't never an answer,” Vin said. “Yer troubles are always still there when the fire in yer belly wears off.”
Having been there more time than he cared to imagine since his wife and son were killed, Chris nodded in agreement, “I know and I should know better, I just didn’t know what else to do. I felt so stupid and more sorry than I can say for putting you through this Vin.”
“There it is again, that word sorry,” Vin said with a soft shake of his head. “I’ve heard that a lot tonight. What I want to know is, are ya sorry ya kissed me, or sorry about the reaction ya got in return?”
This was no time for lies, Chris knew that, and anyway, Vin always knew the truth no matter how much Chris tried to hide it. “I can’t say that I wish I hadn’t kissed you. I wanted to and I still do, but I am sorry that I didn’t do it the right way. I am sorry that I forced this situation on you. That wasn’t fair.”
“No, no it wasn’t,’ Vin agreed before his face softened at the memory of the Chris’ lips on his. “I ain’t goin’ to lie and say I didn’t like it and I ain’t goin’ to say that I haven’t thought of us together, cause I have.”
Chris held back the elation he felt, knowing Vin wasn’t finished yet. “But?”
Even under the dim light of a table lamp, Vin felt naked under Larabee’s gaze, knowing neither could keep anything from the other. “Yer askin’ a lot of me, cowboy. Yer askin’ me to risk everythin’ I have on the fact that there was more behind that kiss than an impulse.”
Taking a chance, Chris moved the cover’s forward and inched closer to the confused younger man, “Love’s a risk, Vin, anyway it comes about.”
“Is that what this is?” Vin asked, unable to keep the hopeful tone from his voice.
“Yeah, it is,” Chris chuckled, seemingly amazed at his own revelation. “I just didn’t realize it until I said it out loud, how about that.”
Vin’s first genuine smile since that ‘impulse’, spread across Vin’s face as he reached out, drawing Chris’ face toward his own, “Well okay then, why didn't ya say so. Why don’t we try that impulse thing again, but this time with both of us participatin’.”
The End