Laying Blame by Limlaith

Disclaimer: The don’t belong to me and never have …. but Oh, if they did …

Summary: Not quite a PWP, but ain’t much more ‘n that. It’s just a little modern-day look inside the randy minds of Chris and Vin. No warnings. But it would definitely raise my mother’s eyebrows.

Feedback: Yes, please.

There’s no way I can do it. No way in hell. It’s bad enough working with the man, seeing those blue eyes sparkle with mischief, watching that lush mouth curl in that cocky, lop-sided grin, watching the way he practically swaggers in that unself-conscious lazy stroll. He doesn’t know he does it, he doesn’t know he does anything for me. To me. God, the things I would have him do to me. Goddamn. Having a desk to hide behind while I spent half my days hard as a rock is one thing. Going skinny dipping is a whole other ball of wax. Fuck. Should know better than to think thoughts that have anything to do with balls or wax. Get a grip. I’d like to get a grip. On his hips.

I need a cold shower.

Though I doubt there’s enough frigid water in the fucking arctic. And Buck’s invited us all to the lake. Good idea, all things considered. It’s hot enough to fry bacon on my window sill. Besides, how was I supposed to argue with the man? He never gives up. He’s the fucking energizer bunny. He just keeps going and going until I give in just to shut him up. Which I know I’ll do, which he knows I’ll do. It’s such a pain in the ass having a friend who knows you that well. Not that well obviously. He would shit a brick if I told him about Vin. How every time he throws his hair off his neck I wish I could suck on it. Wish I could suck on a whole mouthful of something else. Wish I could bend him over my desk and fuck him into next week.

Jesus, Larabee. You haven’t been this horny since you were eighteen. And that’s too long ago to think about. Not too long ago for Vin. I’ve got twelve years on him if I’ve got a day. And I know I’m nothing he needs. Nothing he wants. And he’d fucking shoot me if he knew. Knew how he’s become the only thing I think about. The only person I picture when I’m on my couch jerking off. When I’m in the shower jerking off. And there’s only so much jerking off a man can do. I think I’ve pushed the envelope on that one. I’m gonna get fucking carpal tunnel. And I have exactly … twenty minutes to come up with a good excuse to back out. Everyone else is in. Even Ezra.

It’s all Ezra’s fault really. That’s good. I can blame him. Even though Vin started it. He just had to go and announce that he used to go skinny dipping. That he thought none of the rest of the boys had the sand. So naturally, Ezra bet Buck that JD wouldn’t strip. JD turned the tables and bet Ezra that he could strip faster than Buck. Now they’re only laying odds on how fast Vin will strip. Damn Texan will probably ride out there naked just to prove a point. He’s got even Ezra beat when it comes to sheer mule-headed, best never dare me to do anything, stubbornness.

I just hope the water is freezing fucking cold. Or I’m in trouble.

+ + + + + + +

There’s no way I can do it. No way in hell. But I’ve gone and done it already. I’ve gone and put both my feet in my mouth and my head up my ass – kind of a funny picture that paints – and I let myself get sucked right in. Not that I wouldn’t mind getting sucked right in. Right into his mouth. Damn, Tanner. Could ya git any stupider? What were ya thinkin’? Ya weren’t thinkin’. Ya jess had to open yer big mouth and let the whole world know that ya like to go skinny dipping. Ya jess had to prove to the world that ya have bigger balls than the rest of ‘em. And he’d shoot yer balls right off if he knew. Knew that yer dyin’ to see that water slice off of him, watch it slide down his back, off his chest. Watch him shimmy out of those jeans. Fuck, it should be illegal to wear jeans that tight. The way they show off his ass when he walks or bends over or just fucking stands there. He’d kill me quick as look at me if he knew how jealous I am of those jeans.

I need a cold shower.

I need a lot of things. Most of ‘em I ain’t never had. Don’t even let m’self think about. Used to not think about. Til I met Chris. With those eyes the color of grass after a spring shower that sparkle when he smiles. Which ain’t near often enough. And hair like wheat on the Texas prairie that he runs those long fingers through when he’s angry. Which is too often. And a heart that’s damn near been as shattered as mine. Who the hell am I kidding? He’s seen worse. Been through worse. And fuck it if it ain’t jess like me to go and fall for my boss. My straight boss. My, what did Josiah say, emotionally inaccessible boss. The one man I can’t have and can’t git outta my head. The man was married for crissakes. Still keeps his wedding photo on his mantle. I know I’m nothing he needs. Nothing he wants. I’m jess a stupid, illiterate, half-breed who ain’t got the sense God gave an armadillo. And he’d fucking shoot me if he knew. Knew that the man who volunteers to bale hay with him only does it so he can watch him work up a sweat. I’d love to be the one workin’ up all that sweat on him. I’d bet Ezra anythin’ he could name that anyone who ain’t attracted to him has been dead at least a good ten years.

Ten minutes. Ten minutes and we’re outta here. Maybe my jeep can break down on the way out. No, then Buck’d jess come git me. Or Chris would. I should be thankful for friends like these. Ain’t never had many friends. Ain’t never had any as close as these. No two ways about it, they’re family. The only family I got. I should thank God every day that I’m allowed to work with the man, that he considers me his friend. He’s had enough grief in his life without me adding to it.

I just hope the water’s cold. Or I’m in trouble.

+ + + + + + +

I’m in trouble.

I hoped to arrive after Vin. I even drove out to the ranch and took my sweet time doing a whole lot of nothing so that I would be sure to arrive after Vin. After he was already in the water. And fuck it all if he and Buck and JD didn’t decide to arrive together, just to make it fair. That means they had to trek out to Purgatorio and back. That means they took as long as I did.

That means that I’m half undressed with my fingers on my fly when I hear the crunch of gravel. I turn around and see that monstrosity of a red vehicle Buck drives and I see Vin staring straight at me like he didn’t think I’d have the guts to show up. I’ll show him who’s got guts. Who am I kidding? I don’t even have the guts to look him in the eyes. I break a sweat just thinking about it. So I just finish what I’m doing and tug my jeans off so I can get in the water before he even has his shirt off. Last thing I need is to get a hard on while I’m standing here.

The car door slams and I can hear them walking up behind me. “Nice tan lines, stud,” Buck says and swats me on the ass. I just give him a look that could crack stone and take off towards the water. Nathan and Josiah are already in the water. They’ve stopped seeing who could hold his breath the longest and they’re standing there like they’re waiting to see what’ll happen next. Ezra’s got his watch out. He’s still dressed, the fucker. And as I storm past him, he stops me with this queer look on his face and says, “Don’t you want to watch the show?” And I wish I could tell him to fuck off and die, but that would be a little harsh considering all I want to do is watch. Well, that’s not all I want to do, but damnit if I start thinking like that then everyone will know that’s not all I want. Vin will know. And I ain’t about to lose a friend, my best friend, because my brain is centered solidly between my legs.

I hit the water and fuck it’s cold. Guess I got my wish. I’m glad though, even if my dick acts like a frightened turtle and shrinks up far as it can. And then I hear Ezra counting down. Counting down to what? I turn around to see Buck and Vin and JD standing in a row like they’re gonna have a race to the water and I realize that they are gonna have a race. Ezra’s damn strip show to see who can peel the fastest. My money’s on Vin. Not that I took place in the bet. But that boy does everything else with such deadly efficiency, I bet he can get out of his clothes before Buck even has his zipper down.

And they’re off.

And I was right. And oh my holy fucking god. And suddenly it doesn’t matter how cold the water is because all the blood is leaving my brain and heading south. Holy shit Vin. I can hear applause and I’m glad I’m not the only one staring. Ezra announces that we have a winner. I hear Josiah mumble something about winner in size if not also in speed. Buck’s standing there with his hands on his still jeans-clad hips and I hear him say, “Damn boy. You got a permit for that thing?” And Vin just gives him that cocky little grin of his. And now I know why his grin is always so cocky. And I feel like I’m gonna faint.

I realize I’ve been staring too long. A lot longer than any of the rest of them. And Vin starts to head my way. Close your mouth, Larabee. But then he stops. And winks at me. He winked. At me. What the fuck was that for? Do I wink back? My heart just leapt into my throat. I have no idea what I’m doing and that seems to register with Vin as he cocks his head at me – there’s that word again – and shrugs a little.

“You gonna join us, Ez?” He saunters toward Ezra in all his naked glory, and any doubts I had about Ezra’s sexuality are firmly put to rest because the man doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t stare or blush. He just slings his coat over his shoulder and politely refuses.

“Ah, come on Ez.” Then he gives Buck this little nod and then I know why he was winking. It wasn’t at me. Why I let myself doubt that is beyond me. They bum rush Ezra. And if this ain’t the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, then I don’t know what. Three naked men attacking the most unflappable, prim and proper bastard I’ve ever known. He’s threatening them with dire recriminations. And he’s calling to me, pleading with me to make them stop. And all I can do is laugh. Until Vin drops to his knees to take Ezra’s pants off. Then it ain’t so funny anymore. He’s looking up at Ezra with a grin so wide it looks like it hurts. Only I’m the one hurting here. All I can think about is having him kneeling like that in front of me. Think about that smug mouth wrapped around my cock, which is so stiff you could attach a sail to me and float me across the lake.

And it doesn’t even register that they’ve carried the struggling man to the water and tossed him in, until he comes up spluttering right next to me, aims an eyebrow at me and informs me that I can close my mouth now. Damn.

+ + + + + + +

Oh God I’m trouble. We drive up and he’s standing there without a shirt on with his hands on his fly. I can see the sweat on him. What’s that word Ezra used the other day? Glisten. That’s it. I can see the little drops of sweat glistening on him and my dick jumps in my pants. And fuck he’s staring right at me staring right at him. I hope to God he can’t read what’s on my face 'cause suddenly my mouth is dry and I can’t swallow. And my world has just turned upside down because he’s just taken his pants off and suddenly mine are way too tight. Is he trying to kill me? He’s bending over to tug at his cuffs and I think I just groaned. Nathan would hospitalize me if he took my blood pressure right about now. Goddamn if he ain’t the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Not that I’d ever tell him that. But what did Ezra say about that museum exhibit he went to recently? Sculpturesque? Some big fucking word. Well I reckon it fits Chris right good. I reckon I’d fit Chris good.

And we’re out of the car and I’m gonna have to find something else to think about. Like that’s gonna be easy. Just don’t look at him. Think about something bad. Think about something gross. Oh my god Buck just spanked him. I can see the hand print on that firm white ass. And Chris gives Buck a look that would curdle new milk and makes a bee line for the water. He does have nice tan lines though. And an even nicer cock. It’s perfect. Just like his abs, just like his back, and his arms, and every other piece of him. Except his temper. Remember that, Tanner. Think about that. Think about losing yer best friend 'cause you can’t keep yer hormones in check. Yeah, that’s working. Think of him punching your lights out when you take off yer clothes and everyone sees you’ve got a hard on. Whew. Not anymore I don’t. At least not much of one.

And Ezra’s counting. This’ll be fun. And I win. No contest. I go Commando anyway. But this is the last damn thing I need in the world. They’re fucking clapping at me and Buck asks me if I’ve got a permit for my dick. Asshole. I just smile. I ain’t got nothin’ to hide. Well, not physically anyway. Except for my damn spine which looks like it got caught in a clothes wringer. Oh well. And I notice that Chris has this look on his face like he just swallowed one of Nathan’s herbal teas. Guess he ain’t too comfortable with us bein’ naked. Oh well. Come to mention it, one of us still has too many clothes on. Ezra ain’t stripped yet. And somethin’ tells me he ain’t gonna if we don’t make him. So I look at Larabee, 'cause this is gonna be fun, and I wink at him. And that is not the reaction I was expectin’. He looks like someone just walked over his grave. What the fuck is wrong with him? Probably me. I’ll just leave him alone.

“You gonna join us, Ez?” See the thing is that I know Ezra’s bisexual. Now no one else knows this, but I do. And he knows that I know. And I think it’s funny as hell 'cause the way I look him over would jump start my jeep. But he doesn’t even blink. Cool as a cucumber he just flings that expensive suit coat over his shoulder and tells me that he respectfully declines. My ass. This is all his fault anyway and I’m gonna get him good.

So I pout a little and give Buck a signal and we pounce on him. Poor bastard. He’s whining and pleading and then threatening us with a couple big words. Fuck if know what they mean but they sound bad. And he’s actually asking Chris to put a stop to all this. I check over my shoulder and Chris looks like he’s gonna cry he’s laughing so hard. And then I’m so glad we didn’t have to do this to Chris 'cause I actually have to kneel down to yank Ez’s pants off of him. Probably cost more than I make in two months. This is funny as hell.

Or at least it was until we start carrying him to the water and I see the look on Chris’ face. His jaw’s hung open and his eyes’re half shut like he’s about to come on the spot and I realize I ain’t got a chance in the world. I realize a lot of things. We throw Ezra in the water and I dive in after him. And I’m swimming as far as I can without drowning. Anything to get away. I realize that I never had a chance. I realize that Chris ain’t straight as a steel girder. And I realize it’s Ezra he wants. It’d be funny if it weren’t so sad. It’s be fucking hilarious if I didn’t hurt so bad. And Ezra doesn’t even know it.

+ + + + + + +

Ezra swims off before I can gather my wits enough to say anything. Damn it all to hell. At least my cock took the hint and is isn’t trying to poke its head out of the water and have a look around. Damnit I’m gonna hafta talk to him. Where the hell is Vin? He looks like he’s gonna swim to Nevada. He’s half way out across the water already. And JD is challenging Buck to see who can swim to the island the fastest. Looks like that’s where Vin’s headed too. Fuck, now what?

“Hey, Ezra, hold up a second!” I shout that like it’s the smartest thing to do. Now everyone is gonna want to know what I’m gonna say to him. Everyone being Buck. Goddamnit. But Ezra just turns and treads water, waiting for me with that unreadable face of his. And God bless JD. He’s snagged Buck’s attention by trying to drown him. I wonder if I could give him a raise if he succeeds?

“May I assist you with something, Mr. Larabee.”

“Yeah. Um …” Ohfuckinghell how do I phrase this? I wasn’t staring at you, I was dreaming of Vin giving me a blow job? Yeah, that’d go over like a fart in an elevator. “I uh, I wasn’t, what I mean is …” Oh Christ, Larabee, this is just making it worse. And fucking conman has one of his eyebrows going again and looks highly amused about something. “I wasn’t gaping at you.” There I said it. Let him think of it what he will.

“I wasn’t implying that you were, Mr. Larabee.”

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means precisely what the words indicate. It did not occur to me for an instant that I might be the reason your mandible was in danger of being dislocated.”

Yeah, well I’m gonna dislocate someone’s mandible if he doesn’t explain himself quickly. I guess my expression communicated this 'cause Ezra treads a little further out of arm’s way. Or harm’s way. Then he says the most confusing, frightening thing.

“Mr. Larabee. Far be it from me to meddle in the affairs of a co-worker, or a superior, but I believe it would serve you best if your explanations were tendered to the actual inspiration for your slack-jawed veneration.”

Ezra should come equipped with a thesaurus. All I can find to say is “What?” Although I heard him loud and clear.

“Chris.” He says my name – my first name – like he’s talking to a small child who has to have something explained to him for the fiftieth time. “Go talk to Vin.”

And apparently my shock can be seen from twenty feet away 'cause Nathan swims up right beside me and asks if I’m feeling well. I tell him I’m fine and he doesn’t believe me. Can’t say I blame him. It’s standard operating procedure for me and Vin and Ezra and hell everyone else to tell him we’re fine even if we’re shot and lying in a pool of our own blood. Ezra just smiles and tips his head. He’d give me that two fingered salute of his if he weren’t still treading water. Then he dunks under and swims off. Leaving me to stand there, except I’m not standing, with my heart in my stomach and my stomach in my throat. As if that’s possible. But it sure feels like it.

+ + + + + + +

Fuck it all to hell if they ain’t talkin’. They’re just standing there, ‘cept they’re treading water, ‘cept they’re doin’ it real close and I don’t think I can watch anymore. Fuck. How stupid could I possibly be? What kind of fucking moron goes and falls in love with his boss? This kind of fucking moron. I wonder if it’s possible to drown yourself. No, they’d pull me out and recuss….reciss…revive me. If only my chest didn’t hurt this bad. I just need to swim this off. Fuck the island. I’ll swim around it for a while. Maybe get eaten by a big catfish.

Damnit I can hear JD and Buck splashin’ up behind me. I ain’t in no mood to deal with those two. Maybe JD could just drown Buck. I wonder if Chris would give him a raise for it? Nah, he means well. One of the best men I’ve ever known. Even if he is a loudmouth, interferin’, egotistical son of a bitch. But I can’t tell him what’s wrong and he’s sure to ask.

“Hey Vin! You gonna lay out a while?” JD’s pulled up beside me and he’s all out of breath. “I won. I kept tellin’ Buck that old guys don’t have the stamina.”

“Yeah, you little punk, come up on shore with me an’ I’ll show you who’s got stamina.” Buck just wiggled his eyebrows and grinned that shit-eating grin of his.

“Gross, Buck.” JD makes a face like he just cleaned out their fridge and discovered something unnatural growing on the food. It’s not unlikely. I’ve seen their fridge.

“Hey don’t knock it ‘til ya try it, kid.”

I don’t know who’s more shocked, me or JD. Buck just shrugs. And then he looks at me and says that damndest thing, “You never know ‘til you ask.”

And then he looks at JD like he’s just decided what he wants for dinner and drops below the water. JD squeals like a little girl and takes off for shore. And I can’t figure for the life of me what the hell just happened there?

Did Buck just announce to the world, well to me and JD, that he’s gay? Man chases more skirt than the whole of the Denver Broncos so I guess that would make him Bi, but what the hell just happened there?

I doubt I’ll ever figure it out. But, he’s caught up to JD now and JD don’t look like he’s strugglin’ too hard. So now that hell has officially frozen over, I’m gonna climb up onto this island and hide for the next fifteen or twenty years. Maybe then I’ll forget that my heart is breaking. Maybe then I’ll not think about what Larabee looks like with his clothes off. Yeah, and maybe, what does Ezra say? Yeah, maybe the world will stop spinnin’ on its axis.

+ + + + + + +

Fuck it all to hell. I can’t see him anymore. He’s just crawled up on that island all by himself and I can’t see him. I’m crazy. I have finally lost my teeny, tiny mind. What the hell am I doing? Apparently I’ve stopped thinking and am running on pure adrenaline. At least that’s what my stomach feels like. I haven’t been this nervous since – since I can remember. I think Nathan would hospitalize me if he checked my pulse. If I get any dizzier I will drown.

And what the blue blazes is that? JD and Buck. Or rather Buck and JD. Does anyone else see this? No, Ezra and Josiah and Nathan are not paying any attention. But Buck is tickling the hell out of the poor kid and he looks like he’s enjoying every second of it. And that’s the look Buck gets when he’s out at a bar during ladies’ night. Like he’s on the prowl and just spotted him the sweetest piece of ass this side of the Rockies. I’m going to pretend I don’t notice and just keep on swimming. Except that they’re both gonna drown if they keep that up. Ok, Buck has stopped tickling him. But I think the world has officially stopped spinning on its axis because he hasn’t stopped touching him. And I think that maybe it’s me who doesn’t know Buck all that well.

Am I the only sane person in this water? Apparently not. I’m still swimming for the island. What I’m gonna say when I get there is beyond me. I’m just going on instinct here. Except that all my instincts are telling me to get the fuck out of this water and drive home. Since when did I develop a death wish? Since I fell for a long-haired, skinny, blue-eyed Texan, that’s when. Since he gave me a reason to smile. A reason to laugh at myself. A reason to allow myself to be happy. Since the first time he gave me a hard on.

I think I just giggled. I don’t giggle. I remember that day. He hadn’t been working for me but, what, two months? And Ezra needed a partner for some sting. What case was that? They needed to meet their contact at a club and Ezra took Vin shopping. And Vin came in wearing those black leather pants that were all but painted on, and cut so low I didn’t know how he buttoned ‘em without pinching himself. And that black leather jacket. And that see-through shirt. I wonder what he did with those pants? And I remember he did this little catwalk strut while Buck started singing the Stripper song and JD hooted and cat-called. Even Josiah joined in. I just stared at Ezra like he’d lost his mind. No way was I gonna write all that off on expenses. But I suddenly realized that my jeans were at least three sizes too small. I got so hard so fast it hurt. I had to go whack off in the bathroom just to clear my head. Both of them. And he had no idea.

Well, he’s about to find out.

+ + + + + + +

I guess I should have figured it out by now. I mean I knew about Ezra since that first bust we did together. We had to go to this club. This really ritzy place that only serves martinis or some such shit. Ezra informed me it was on Broadway, like I’d know what that meant. And then he told he he’d have to take me shopping, and not to worry, that he wrote half his wardrobe off on company expenses and Chris let him. That should have been my first clue. About the two of them.

But I figured it out, about Ez, when all the clerks at this store knew him. A store I’d never set foot in 'cause I know I can’t afford it, with all these clerks wearing eyeliner and lipstick and lookin’ Ezra up and down like he was covered in chocolate.

And he bought me the most ridiculous outfit with these pants that I could hardly squeeze into and had a hell of a time zipping up. And this shirt made of tissue paper. And then a jacket I really love. I kept the whole outfit. And I couldn’t even look Chris in the eye when I made it back. But the boys helped, really. They made a big joke of it, and so I did too. But Chris just looked at Ezra. He only looked at Ezra.

Damn I think I just heard JD giggle. Well, it looks like I don’t got as much to worry about as I thought. Yes I fucking do. I gotta turn my head and pretend I don’t care ‘bout Chris and Ezra. Or maybe it’s Ezra and Chris. I wonder who approached who first. Who am I kidding? Larabee’s got alpha written all over him. Every word he says screams it, even when he ain’t sayin’ none. And the way he moves. Like a mountain lion, all grace and power. I bet he’s a top. I wonder if he gives orders in bed. Goddamnit I can hear him. I can hear that whiskey voice of his.

Suck me. Suck my dick. Harder. Yeah, that’s it.

Oh fuck. I need to get this out of my head. Both of them. I’m hard as a rock here and I know there ain’t no amount of cold water can cure this.

I can see him grabbing my head holding me in place while he fucks my mouth. Oh god I’d let him. I can feel him. Feel his hands on me. Feel his breath on my body. Telling me to spread my legs so he can fuck me.

Oh god yes. Fuck me Larabee. Fuck me harder.

Jesus Christ I can hear someone in the water coming onto the island. Of all the fucking wrong times to be caught jacking off. Though if it’s Buck, I bet he’d like to watch. Been ages since I jerked off with someone. That would just blow his mind. Ha! I’m just gonna close my eyes and pretend I don’t hear him moving through the trees like a fucking sasquatch. Man couldn’t sneak up on the dead. If it’s JD, well I figure he won’t say nothing. He’ll high tail it back to the water so fast he’ll make The Flash look slow.

I’m just gonna keep stroking my dick and think about the one thing I can’t have. I guess I like to torture myself. Oh well. This day can’t possibly get any worse.

I can hear him stop. It must be Buck 'cause he’s just standing there watchin’. And breathin’ awful heavy. I guess I should be more nervous. I guess I should be embarrassed. But I’m not. When the hell did I become so cock-sure of myself. Heh. That’s funny considerin’ where my hand is.

“You gonna stand there, Buck, or you wanna join me?”

+ + + + + + +

I don’t want to sneak up on him. Man’s jumpier than a frightened rabbit. I’m just gonna follow his tracks, he’d be proud of me for that, and then I’ll sit down natural like. No, I’m gonna act surprised to find him. That’s it. I’m gonna pretend I don’t know he’s here and I’m gonna ask if he cares if he has some company. Company. That sounds non-threatening.

And then what? Then what do I say? Hey Tanner, care to fuck? Mind if I kiss you? I’ve been having, what does Josiah call them, illicit thoughts about sucking you off? Yeah. That would send him running so fast it’d make my head spin. As if it isn’t spinning now. My heart’s beating so fast I’m surprised I don’t have an attack right here. I don’t know if I can speak if I tried.

What am I so afraid of? Of rejection? Yeah. But it’s more than that. I’m afraid of losin’ him, not him shooting me down. Or shooting me. Or shooting down me. Oh god. Maybe I’m afraid of what’ll happen if he says yes. I’ve only been with two guys. Once in college and one in the Navy. We never did much. Just hand jobs. What if Tanner is really, really gay? Why didn’t this ever cross my mind before? What if he’s got all the experience in the world and I’m just a disappointment waiting to happen? What if he’s not gay? Oh Christ, Larabee, what in God’s name are you doing? Why didn’t I ever stop to think about this before? You’re not gay. He’s probably not gay. And I don’t have the slightest fucking clue how to make love to a man. And if he does, I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to think about anyone’s hands on him but me, anyone’s mouth on him but mine.

This is stupid. Really, really, really, galactically stupid. I’m just gonna play it cool. Like my body isn’t a thousand degrees right now. I’m just gonna act surprised.

Holy sainted mother of Christ. I am going to have that heart attack now. I don’t have to act surprised. 'Cause he’s lying on his back in the sun, looking for all the world like a big cat, just purring while he strokes himself. He’s masturbating on the ground in front of me. I need to sit down before I fall down. His hand is on his cock and his cock is huge. What was I thinking? Something about the mind being willing but the body being far too small to accommodate anything that large.

And I look down at my own cock which has decided to wake up and say hello. I shrug a little to no one. What I have ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of, but damn if Tanner wouldn’t put the rest of Colorado to shame. Or the rest of the country for that matter. The water makes him shine. He actually shines. Every beautiful tanned inch of him. Guess he does skinny dip. Man’s got no tan lines. I’m gonna explode right here and now. I’ve never wanted anything this bad in my entire life.

“You gonna stand there, Buck, or you wanna join me?”

I think I’m gonna throw up.

+ + + + + + +

I think I’m gonna puke. I think I’m gonna die. I want to die. If I had a gun I would blow my fucking brains out. I didn’t get a response so I opened my eyes. It’s not Buck. It’s not JD. This has to be a dream. A nightmare.

But I don’t git it. He’s standin’ there lookin’ like someone just gut punched him. And his cock that was so full and edible and red is now deflating like someone stuck a pin in a balloon. And I can’t move or speak or breathe. I sure as hell can’t finish jacking off.

He looks like he’s gonna cry. Goddamnit, Tanner, say something. Anything. Don’t just lie here and stare at him.

“Chris.” Yeah, fucking bright. Like he don’t know who he is.

Oh shit, he’s just took off back through the trees. Jesus, now what do I do. Like Jesus would approve of what I want to do. I want to drag him back here and molest him ‘til he knows I sure as hell wasn’t thinkin’ of Buck. Is that what that was? That look? Did he want it to be him? Oh God please. Please.

And now I’m barreling after him because I have to find him if it’s the last thing I do. Where the hell could he get to so fast? Footprints. Follow the footprints you idiot.

What do I say when I find him? What if he was just grossed out? Not likely. Ain’t no man who don’t jerk off. More ‘n likely he was just grossed out by the idea of me ‘n Buck. If anything I have to tell him that Buck’s not like that. Or maybe not. Maybe with what I saw ‘tween him and JD. But I don’t care about that. I don’t care about anything anymore. Except him.

“Chris!” There he is. And he’s stopped. And he’s just standing there. With his back to me. What do I do now? And I’m suddenly very aware that we’re both naked. There’s naked and then there’s naked. And I’m more naked emotionally than physically. Josiah’d be proud of me for thinkin’ that. Speak, goddamnit.

“Chris, I wasn’t waitin’ for Buck. Well, I thought it was Buck. Or JD. But I figured it’d be Buck. But I wasn’t waitin’ for him. Not like it looked like.” Well it did look like that. And it was what it looked like. But not. Oh Christ.

And he’s clenching and unclenching his fists. I’d let him hit me if’n he’d just look me in the eye. “Then you tell me what it was, Vin, 'cause it sure as hell sounded like you were waiting for Buck. Waiting for him to … join you.”

I was wrong before. The day can git worse. And it did. And it can’t git much worse now. No worse than having him hate me. Even rejection ain’t as bad as this. I can’t lose him. Not for somethin’ this stupid. God, you’re a fucking idiot, Tanner. Just open yer mouth and tell him. So I take the biggest breath of my life and let him have it.

“I thought I heard him and JD and I thought I heard JD giggle and I was thinkin’ that they came back to the island and I thought it was Buck by the sound of the footsteps and I couldn’t hide what I was doin’ so I thought I’d shock him by continuin’ to do it and I wasn’t thinking about him I was thinkin’ about you.”

And he’s just standin’ there. Just standin’ there. With his back to me. And he hangs his head and sighs. And it’s like the entire universe is waiting for him to say something. There ain’t a sound for miles. I think my heart stopped beating. I know I ain’t breathin’. What now? I think I’m the one who’s gonna cry. Goddamnit, say something you stupid son of a bitch. Hit me or yell at me or laugh at me, but don’t jess stand there like I ain’t told you the most important thing in my life.

+ + + + + + +

“Chris!”

Goddamnfuckingsonofabitch. It’s not like I can pretend not to hear him. So I stop. But I don’t turn around. This is hard enough without having to look at him. I don’t think I can look at him. And I’m gonna kill Buck. If he and Vin are together and he’s messing around with JD, I will slit his throat. After I shoot him. If he hurts Vin, then he’ll wish he was never born. If I don’t kill Vin first. Maybe I can play this off. Maybe I can pretend I ain’t upset. I can act like I wanted to give him his privacy.

Yeah right. Like he didn’t notice I had the biggest erection of my life and couldn’t hear me pantin’ like I’d just run ten miles. And I’m really, horribly aware that I’m naked here.

“Chris, I wasn’t waitin’ for Buck. Well, I thought it was Buck. Or JD. But I figured it’d be Buck. But I wasn’t waitin’ for him. Not like it looked like.”

What? What the fuck did he think it fucking looked like? Or sounded like? I may be stupid enough to fall for you, Vin Tanner, but I’m not so dumb that you can give a pathetic explanation like that and expect me to fall for it. Wait a second. Why the hell you giving me an explanation anyway? Like you need my permission to beat off. Or my permission to fuck my oldest friend. Maybe he’s just as embarrassed as I am.

“Then you tell me what it was, Vin, 'cause it sure as hell sounded like you were waiting for Buck. Waiting for him to … join you.” I can hardly get the words out.

I think this officially qualifies as the longest silence in the history of the world. I didn’t think there was this much silence. It’s like the whole lake is waiting for his response. I wish I had the guts to turn around and see his face. But I’m afraid of what I’ll see. I’m afraid of what I’ll do. I’m not known for having the most stable temper in the world. I still think I’m gonna puke.

And then he starts talking and he’s talking so fast in this enormous run-on sentence and I think I must be dreaming. I think he just said he was thinking about me. Now I have to see his face. I have to see if he means what I think he just meant. So I deflate a little, a little more than I have already, and sigh.

My eyes meet his and I can tell from his expression that he thinks I’m gonna hit him. I’m still not sure I’m not.

“Let me understand you perfectly clearly. You weren’t thinking about Buck. You weren’t waiting for Buck. You were thinking about me.”

He looks like a deer caught in headlights. I don’t think his eyes have ever been so blue. Or so scared. He just nods.

“You weren’t wanting Buck to join you. Or anyone else. You were hoping I would.”

Oh Vin. He’s actually trembling. But he nods. And I close the distance between us in two strides and he flinches like he knows I’m gonna hit him. And he opens his mouth to say something only he doesn’t get a chance to speak.

I descend on him like one of those Biblical plagues Josiah’s always mentioning. I pull his mouth to mine and kiss him like it’s going out of style. Like I want to swallow him whole. Which I do. And oh my god he tastes good. More than good. Better than anything I can even think of, which ain’t much as one of my hands gets lost in his hair and the other one finds his ass. He’s whimpering and I can’t tell if it’s from pleasure or fright. Slow down Larabee. Slow down.

So I slow down a little. I run my tongue over his lips, all the way, one side to the other, top and bottom. And then I dip it in carefully. Not like I’m trying to remove his tonsils. And his tongue meets mine. Gently now. Stroke for stroke he’s lapping me like he’s just learning how to drink. Oh that sweet heat. And both my hands are stroking his face now. He’s still shaking. I was right. Frightened rabbit. My frightened rabbit. But he’s also moaning into my mouth and his hands ain’t exactly idle. But he’s touching me like I’m made of glass.

I don’t think he gets it.

Not like I’m being subtle. But a little hint wouldn’t hurt. So I step closer. Close enough that my dick fits perfectly into that nice little hollow between hip and thigh. I wonder what that body part is called. Bet Nathan would raise an eyebrow if I asked. And that gets the response I wanted. I think he just snarled. And his hands have finally found my ass. And oh my god he’s pressing up against me so tight I think I’m gonna die if I don’t fuck him right here. Or if he doesn’t fuck me. I don’t fucking care.

+ + + + + + +

He’s gonna hit me. I’m a fucking dead man. Least he turned around. But the look on his face is, well, I can’t rightly say what that look is. But it can’t be good. He looks like he’s gonna kill me.

“Let me understand you perfectly clearly. You weren’t thinking about Buck. You weren’t waiting for Buck. You were thinking about me.”

All I can do is nod. My tongue has officially stopped working. And I’m shaking like a leaf. When did it get so cold out here? And he’s asking me again. He’s giving me the rope to hang myself with.

So I figure I might as well help him put my head in the noose and I nod again. And shit, shit, shit he’s gonna hit me. So I brace for impact.

And ohmygodohmygodohmygod it ain’t the impact I was thinkin’ it’d be. And he’s all over my mouth. Like he’s dying of thirst and I’m the only source of water on the planet. I think he’s trying to find my tonsils. Between his hand in my hair and the other one on my ass, I can’t think. I can’t even react. I’m hardly kissing him back. I hear someone whimpering and I hope to God it ain’t me. I don’t think he’s real and I’m afraid to touch him.

But he is real. What alien came and took away Chris Larabee and replaced him with this person? I don’t care. My knees are shaking so hard I don’t think I can remain standing. And he backs off. No, wait, what did I do wrong?

Ok, nothing’s wrong. He’s just realizing that he’s practically eaten my face off. And oh God I know I’m moaning now. He’s licking me. Like my lips are the best tasting things he’s ever found. I sure hope so. My tongue has found life again. If this man ain’t the best kisser on the planet, I’ll eat my jeep. The things he’s doin’ with his mouth and oh my holy lord his cock is poking me in the hip. Or in that soft place by the hip. I think I just snarled.

Two can play at that game Larabee. God I want him so bad. His ass fits into my hands so perfect. It’s so hard and round and perfect. Just like I dreamed it would be. And I’ve dreamed a hell of a lot. So I pull him to me a little and let him know I ain’t lettin’ him walk away from this. Not with the raging hard on I’ve got goin’. Not when I feel like there’s a volcano somewhere in my belly that’s spreading outward and gonna erupt all over him if’n he moves just right.

I think he needs air. I sure do. Not that I care if I passed out or died at this point. But I don’t want to stop kissing him. So I grab the back of his head and just move along his jaw. And he’s the one shaking now. Only I know it ain’t with fear. God I love that I can do that to him. I find the place on his neck where I know I can feel his pulse clear and strong and I suck just a little.

And he breathes into my ear. “God I want this, Tanner. I’ve wanted this for so long. So fucking long. You have no idea.”

Yeah I have a pretty good idea, but I’m not gonna say that just yet. It’s not often that I get to see him helpless with need. Ok, so I’ve never seen him helpless, with need or anythin’ else. And I’m gonna milk it for all it’s worth. Speaking of milking.

“I want to suck you off, Chris. I want you in my mouth. I want to feel you come down my throat.”

Hell yeah. That got the reaction I wanted. He just bucked into me and moaned something unintelligible. That’s one of those ten-dollar Ezra words. And he’s biting my earlobe. And I have to chuckle because he ain’t as helpless as I thought.

“If you don’t get to it soon, Vin, I’m gonna come all over your stomach.”

So I try my hand at a little teasing and say, “Anything you say. You’re the boss.”

Only he don’t laugh with me. He pulls back and he looks me square in the face and says, “Not in this I’m not. You do this 'cause you want to. Or you don’t do it at all.”

And he’s lookin’ a little worried. And I’m more than a little shocked. Shocked that he thinks I don’t want this as bad as he does. So I look down in between us at both our cocks standin’ upright on our stomachs and I twist a smile and say, “You don’t think it looks like I want this, cowboy?”

God he hates it when I call him that. Or maybe he loves it. 'Cause he kisses me like he loves me. That’s way too fucking much for me to hope for, even though I do, so I push that thought out of my mind and slide my way down his body. Oh, wait. Wonder if his nipples are as sensitive as mine. Yep. They are. Gonna have to remember that.

Right now all I care about it what’s poking me in the jaw as I kiss my way along the inside of one thigh. He’s still damp all over and he smells like rain and wind and sweat. He smells like fucking heaven. My tongue trails a neat little path between his legs just across his balls and his dick jumps. He swears at me. I just look up at him and smile. I know I’ve got him good when he calls me a goddamn tease.

I should take offense to that. A tease doesn’t follow through. I show him what I think of that as I roll my tongue around the head of his cock. Oh god it’s so soft and ripe. I spend some time there, just on the tip, sucking and licking it ‘til I can taste the first drops of his jizz. Sweeter than I thought. I still can’t believe I’m doing this.

I stop a second and look up at him, and he draws a hand around the back of my head and through my hair. Real gentle like. His eyes are almost black. I didn’t think pupils could get that dilated. And he says the one word that makes me lose my mind.

“Please.”

+ + + + + + +

I’m pretty sure I’m gonna pass out. I don’t want to stop kissing him but I have to pull back. Only he has other plans evidently because he starts working his teeth and lips across my jawline. My jaw that was hanging open so far earlier. Guess I’ll have to tell him why. Oh my god he’s sucking on my throat.

“God I want this, Tanner. I’ve wanted this for so long. So fucking long. You have no idea.”

He makes a noise like he might have a clue just how long and he stops sucking at my neck to tell me he wants to suck me off. And my body just jumped like a shot deer and I don’t think those were real words I just said. More like mmmmnnnnnnggggghhhhhhh. And the cocky bastard is laughing at me. So I bite his ear and warn him that if he don’t get going I’m gonna be gone without him.

“Anything you say. You’re the boss.”

Woah. Time out. Not in this I’m not. If he doesn’t want this like I want this, then this ain’t happening.

“Not in this I’m not. You do this 'cause you want to. Or you don’t do it at all.” I make sure I’m looking deep into those fucking hypnotic eyes of his as I say it. And he looks like he doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about and glances down at that fucking huge cock of his and he calls me cowboy. God I love it when he says that. And I think I manage to convey the sentiment, maybe just a little, 'cause when I stop kissing him, he has this dreamy, clouded expression on his face, and he begins sliding down my body. I think he could knock me other with a feather.

Holy shit that felt good! Whatever he just did to my nipples made me nearly shiver out of my skin. And he looks like he’s committing that to memory. Fuckfuckfuck he’s on the inside of my thigh. He has no idea.

“Jesus, Vin!” He just swiped my balls with his tongue. Goddamn tease. And he’s giving me a smile like a fucking cat who’s found the cream and I tell him he’s a goddamn tease. Now he’s just looking up at me like he thinks that’s some sort of dare and oooohhhhhhh ggggaaawwwwdddd. He just put the head of my cock in his mouth. And he’s licking it like a lollipop. I’m gonna die. Right here. I’m gonna fucking die.

And his eyes flicker up at mine. He looks like every erotic dream I’ve ever had. I’d kiss him but I don’t want him to stop. God please don’t stop. So I gently run my hand though his hair and say the one word I never thought I’d say.

“Please.”

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Goddamn. He’s sucking me like he wants to peel my skin off with his lips. And his tongue. His dick isn’t the only thing he should have a permit for. I can’t help it and my hips thrust forward and holy fucking shit he just took me whole. Down his throat and back again. And a feel his hand on my balls, rubbing and squeezing just right. I’m so close and he knows it. I know it. And with all the noise I’m making, I’m sure the whole island knows it. Since when have I ever been vocal?

Oh fuck. Oh god. He just slid a finger between my ass cheeks and over my hole. And he’s humming on me like his harmonica. And I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come so fucking hard.

“Vin … god Vin … I’m gonna come.”

Holy fucking god. I know I’m shouting his name. And he’s swallowing. Swallowing every single drop I’m giving him. He’s taking every thrust. He’s milking me dry. And he keeps sucking. He’s sucking on me even as my legs buckle.

And then I’m on the ground like a fucking rag doll and he’s right there with me. He’s holding me and I can still hear him swallow. And he’s licking his lips. Right there next to my ear. I can hear his tongue. I can hear him whisper.

“Love you, Larabee. Always have.”

I don’t think I can talk. So I just grab his hand and nod like the brainless fucking idiot I’ve become. And I’m pretty sure that the smile on my face looks as stupid as it feels. And it feels pretty fucking goofy. I feel pretty fucking great.

Who the hell is clapping?

+ + + + + + +

So I go down on him like he’s the only food I’m gonna get for the next three weeks. And I must be doing something right 'cause I’ve never heard anyone make so much noise. I can’t tell if it’s moaning or groaning, but I think my name’s in there somewhere, and he might be praying for all the times he calls on Jesus.

And my lips fit around him like a second skin. My tongue finds that vein underneath and I lick it. Up and down back and forth. I’m practically abusing it. And that little V at the head. I make sure I get it good on the upswipe. And he twitches every time I do.

Funny how he’s not pushing or pulling. Not as aggressive as I thought. It’s nice. He just thrust but it’s nothing I can’t take. I just relax my throat and swallow it. And the next one. Little thrusts like he can’t help it but he’s sure trying to. And his eyes are squinted shut so tight I couldn’t open them with a crow bar.

I can’t make this last. And I don’t want to. I want him to come hard and fast. So I start to massage his balls. Roll them in my hand and squeeze a little. And I think he likes that 'cause he’s about to hyperventilate. Or pass out. Better make him come or he’s gonna fall over. I want to fuck him so bad. Goddamn. I slide just one finger over his hole and hum a little. And there it is. Wow, he even warned me.

God he tastes good. And he’s shooting down my throat like a geyser. I’m gonna suck him ‘til he’s got nothing left. Even as I can feel him go dry I’m still suckin’ on him.

Shit. His knees gave out. That’s ok, pard, I’ve got you. I’ve got you. Right where I want you. In my arms. At finally fucking last. Goddamn he tastes good! I’m licking my lips and suddenly I blurt out that I love him. Well, that was smooth. But it’s true. I always have. And I said so.

And that doesn’t seem to bother him none. He just nods a little. I think he can’t speak. I’m feeling pretty fucking proud of myself right now. I don’t think I’ve ever felt better. But I better not laugh. He’s wearing the goofiest damn smile I have ever seen in my life. It looks good on him. I’d tell him it makes him look younger but who the hell is clapping?

Oh my god. Oh my holy fucking god. It didn’t occur to either one of us geniuses here that we’re not alone. That we’re standing on the edge of an island, in the middle of the fucking open, and that we might have an audience. Which we did. And I just sucked off my boss in front of my co-workers. I’m turning bright red. I can feel it. And they’re all clapping and hooting actually. Even Nathan. Even Ezra.

I think I should take a bow. Chris looks mighty confused. And now he looks pissed. And he’s looking at me and I shrug. So he shrugs. And he says the words I’ve wanted to hear all my life.

“Love you too Vin. Count on it.” Then he looks me up and down and gets this fucking evil little grin and says, “Think we can go somewhere without the audience and let me take care of you?”

For a second there, I’d forgotten about me. I’m so hard I could split diamonds. And he doesn’t have to ask twice. We’ll deal with everyone else later. Fucking voyeurs.

This is all Ezra’s fault anyway. I’ll have to find him later and thank him.

THE END

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