The Strangest Things Keep Happening

by Dreamer

Disclaimer: Not mine. I know. I think it’s unfair too. But what can you do?

Spoiler: Scene from ODOW. (warped version)

Summary: Vin and Ezra get a treat. Lucas James gets annoyed.

Author’s Note: Warning! The story you are about to read is very silly. I got the idea from a milk commercial. Idea got in my head and I needed to purge it.

Ok and not a Mary Sue but I guess it could be. Who hasn’t wanted to be able to do something like this.

Review please. Let me know that people still read M7 stories.

So without further ado. Cut to scene.

Ezra Standish sat shuffling his deck of cards in his jail cell. He was trying to form a plan to get out of his predicament when he saw the door opening.

A woman walked in wearing the strangest outfit he ever saw. She had tight black denim leggings that looked like second skin. Her top was tight low cut shirt that said ‘Girls Rule!’. Over that was a black leather jacket, that was tailored to fit her curves.

As she came closer he noticed how pretty she was. Long golden brown hair with blond streaks in it. Large brown eyes and a body that could make a man think he was in heaven. He noticed she carried a large paper bag. The source of the tempting smell that was making his mouth water. He looked over at his discarded dinner in disgust.

Disappointment went through him when she stood in front of the other prisoner Lucas Stewart.

"Anybody hungry?" she asked sweetly.

"Hey Darlin. What you have there," Lucas James asked walking over to the bars giving Ezra a smirk.

"Deep fried chicken. Want a taste." She pulled out a piece of chicken and tore off a small piece and handed it to him.

"Mighty good. Hand it over." He reached out for more.

"I don’t think so." She moved to Ezra’s cell and handed him the chicken.

"Are you hungry? I have plenty of chicken here." Ezra dumped out the dinner and she filled his plate up with chicken.

"One condition. You can’t give him any." She handed back the plate when he agreed.

"My dear, this is fantastic." Ezra told her.

"Isn’t it?" She took a piece over to the other prisoner and waved it out of his reach.

"Am I being mean? Did you want some?" She took a piece off and put it in her mouth. "MMM That is good."

Ezra watched with amusement as she kept the piece of chicken just out of reach of the prisoner.

"Miss? What are you doing?" Vin Tanner asked as he walked into the jail.

"Hi. Annoying the prisoner. Want some chicken?" She smiled brightly and offered him the bucket of chicken.

Vin leaned against the desk and dug into the bucket ,watching the strange woman annoy the prisoner.

"Thank you, ma’am," Vin said as he tasted the delicious food.

Ezra shrugged at Vin’s inquiring look as the woman continued to taunt the prisoner.

"'Fraid the chickens all gone," Vin said, helping her mess with the prisoner. He tilted his head back and ate all the crumbs.

"Who the hell are you!" the prisoner screamed.

"Oh, my bad. Jessica West."

"When I get out of here you're going to wish I never laid eyes on you."

"Whine whine whine. Is that all you can do?" she said totally dismissing him.

"Ma’am, maybe you should stop." Vin didn’t want this pretty strange girl to get hurt.

"Oh, but we never had the pie yet. I brought ice cream and everything." She pouted her lips at him.

"Ice cream?" Vin said intrigued.

She went to the paper bag and pulled out a pie and carton of ice cream. She divided up the pie and put a generous helping of ice cream on it. She handed the plate to Vin and then walked over to Ezra’s cell.

Jessica took a moment to describe the dessert to torment the other prisoner. "Enjoy."

"Oh no, none left for you. Too bad. so sad," she taunted.

"Well, this is the best meal I have ever had the pleasure to eat," Ezra told her.

"Yes, me too." Vin smiled.

"Well my job here is done." She smiled back.

"Woman, I’m going to find you and cut you up into little pieces," the prisoner snarled.

Jessica stopped collecting her garbage and turned to him.

"Oh WHATEVER. As if," she drawled out.

"Might be best if you stay out of town for a few days," Vin told her.

"No problem. I live in New York. Just stopped by to piss him off."

"I believe you succeeded," Ezra informed her.

"Well I’m outie." She turned to go but changed her mind. "Would you mind terribly if I kissed you?"

She had walked up to Vin and with his permission she dropped the bag and pressed her body to his, kissing him passionately.

"Wow! You’re a great kisser." She smiled at Vin before turning to Ezra.

He got up and through the bars he managed to kiss her soundly.

"Wow. Is it hot in here?" She waved her hand at her face.

"You little..." Lucas James yelled.

"Oh shut up. No one cares what you have to say." She picked up her discarded bag.

"Gentlemen it was a pleasure." She flashed a huge smile at them.

"Pleasure was ours ma’am." Vin tipped his hat to her.

She gave them a lusty look. "If only this wasn’t a G-rated story."

With a sigh she turned and left. Seconds later Chris walked in.

"Hey, you get a look at that woman?" Vin asked him.

"What woman?" Chris was staring at the food on Vin’s plate.

"The woman who just left," Ezra told him. "Red hair, tight pants, flashy top that said ‘girls rule.’ Carrying a large paper bag?"

"Uh no. I was standing outside talking to Mary. We didn’t see no one come out."

"That’s odd," Vin said.

"Hey, what are you eating?" Chris asked curiosity getting the better of him.

"Pie and Ice cream. Want some?" Vin handed him the plate.

"Mmm it's good."

"I’m going to kill her!" the prisoner bellowed.

"Oh, shut up. The story is over."

(So what did you think? Funny? Silly? I did warn ya.)