Vin appeared to enjoy his meal. For Ezra dinner had been just perfect, not because he had made it, but because he sat there and shared it with Vin. They continued to eat in silence, which did not bother either of them at all."That was really good," Vin grinned.
"I'm glad you liked it," Ezra stated as he stood to start to clean up the table.
"What about dessert?" Vin whispered.
Ezra smiled at the mischief lurking in Vin's eyes as he asked that question. He was uncertain to how they should proceed; should they just go right to bed or watch a movie first. Standish had never been in a loving relationship before, let alone having someone promise to stay in his life forever.
Vin must have noticed his indecision. The sharpshooter stood and helped take everything back to the kitchen. Ezra opened the refrigerator and pulled out a large container. "I have something you like for dessert." He smiled as he opened the container.
Vin's smile widened as he noticed the peach cobbler nestled there. "Ya tryin' to fatten me up?" he chuckled.
"Really, I think with what you have consumed in your lifetime you should have accomplished that task on your own. You are one of the lucky ones that has a metabolism comparable to the speed of light and sound," Ezra teased.
"Huh?" Vin questioned.
"The food does not stick around long enough to turn into fat and, as you say, fatten you up." His green eyes sparkled as he laughed.
"I can think of some fun ways to work the calories off for you." Vin winked as he turned to get the saucers and forks for the cobbler.
Ezra smiled as he brought the container over onto the counter. It amazed him what Vin could eat and not gain a pound. Then thoughts of Vin's innuendoes of ways to burn off calories made him wonder if he would be exercised often. Just the thought brought a smile to his face.
"What ya smilin' about?" Vin asked.
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
"Good, you make me happy too," Vin stated as he cut the cobbler. He placed an extra large piece on one plate. "Share with me," was all he said as he took the fork with a piece of cobbler on it and offered it to Ezra, who opened his mouth and accepted the sweet treat given to him.
Vin then sauntered toward the living room with a come-hither sway. "What do ya want to watch? I brought Animal House and Killer Tomatoes," he smiled secretly.
"You brought only those movies?" Ezra frowned.
"Well, we could watch the movies or you can dance with me?" Vin offered as he held up a CD after he placed the cobbler on the coffee table.
"And what pray tell did you bring us to dance to? Wait, I know, the theme to Gilligan's Island. No, then it must be' Mama, don't let you babies grow up to be cowboys," Ezra grinned. "Don't you want to finish your cobbler first?"
"Nope."
Tanner walked over to the stereo and placed in the disk he had held up. As the soft tune of Faith Hill's, "Breathe," came softly out of the speaker, Vin walked over and held out his hand towards him. Ezra placed his hand in Vin's and allowed himself to be pulled closer to his lover's body. He relaxed and let his body move with Vin's to the tempo of the music, allowing the words to flow around them.
I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And I've never been this swept away
All my thoughts seem to settle on the breeze
When I’m lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear is the beating of your heart
'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe
In a way I know my heart is waking up
As the walls come tumbling down
I'm closer than I've ever felt before
And I know
And you know
There's no need for words right now
'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe
I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way.No words needed to be spoken as Vin's lips claimed his. The kiss held both the promise of a future together and a love just finding out it's potential. Ezra responded to the kiss by pulling Vin closer giving him unconditional control of where this kiss would lead.
The need for air finally separated the lovers' lips. Vin's forehead rested on his lover's as he whispered gently, "Are ya sure you are ready?"
"Yes, I'm ready for this," Ezra answered, knowing Vin was asking if he was ready for a full commitment to their relationship.
"There will be no going back, no regrets," Vin stated.
"I will have no regrets," Ezra replied as he pulled away.
Ezra held out his hand to his lover to be and said, "Come with me." He could not stop a smile from breaking through as Vin placed his hand in partner's. The trust implied in that act was breath taking to say the least.
Ezra slowly led Vin to the bedroom, trying not to think about this being his first time to be completely with a man. He knew he could trust Vin not to hurt him. He was just worried that, with his lack of knowledge, he wouldn't be able to satisfy him.
"Don't worry, we will take it slow. Learn what we each like to do and to have done to us," Vin whispered as he pulled Ezra into his arms. They continued to kiss, slowly undressing each other and exploring the alluring skin previously hidden underneath the cloth.
Ezra barely noticed that Vin had taken something out of his pocket and tossed it on the mattress; he felt like he was on fire with each touch to his body. Vin moved him toward the bed, using his body to guide his lover there. At times their erections would brush against each other, causing each man to groan their need for more.
Ezra felt like he had floated down onto the covers. He moaned at the warm touch of Vin's body as he covered his like a blanket that felt wonderfully erotic. Skin against skin felt exotic and more pleasurable than anything he had felt before.
Lips nibbled, sucked, fondled, and aroused places he had never known could feel such ecstasy before. Then Vin's hand searched for something on the bed.
"Yes," Vin moaned when he found what he was looking for.
Ezra watched as Vin opened the small bottle of oil and rubbed some on his fingers. He watched as Vin swallowed his shaft, unable to keep from crying out his lover's name due to the pleasure that it brought him.
"OH, VIN…so good, it feels so good."
He felt Vin's finger gently prodded his opening, then it slipped slowly up inside. The burning feeling as the invader stretched him for the first time was forgotten as the suction on his cock increased. Vin continued to slip the moistened finger in and out slowly, allowing time for Ezra to adjust.
Ezra felt himself meeting the thrust of Vin's finger wanting more. The slight burn as the second finger joined the first lasted far less than when the first finger had entered his body. Then a third finger entered the foreplay, causing Ezra to whimper loudly. Vin stopped and looked up to make sure his lover was okay.
"Don't stop, please don't stop," Ezra begged as he thrust against the fingers.
"Roll over and get up on your knees," Vin instructed as he pulled out his fingers.
Ezra did as instructed, raising himself up on his hands and knees. He had read enough books on the subject of male sex to know that Vin was ready to take him.
Standish was shocked when he felt the moist tongue move over his entrance. He was even more shocked when he felt the erotic feeling it gave him to have it enter his body over and over again. Never before had anyone ever offered him such pleasure, especially before their own.
"Vin! NOW!"
Ezra moaned as Vin's tongue pulled out, and his lips started to trail up his back. Tanner's left hand held him in place, while his right hand guided his cock to his partner's loosened opening. Vin's left hand then drifted around to Ezra's hardened member and started to stroke him.
"It burns the first time, but it gets much better," Vin stated as he pushed his cock through the virgin hole's opening.
Ezra felt the burning pain as Vin entered his body. He held still, trusting Vin to help him through this.
"Just hold still and adjust to me. Then we will enjoy being bonded together, I promise ya," Vin vowed.
Ezra felt the strokes on his penis and concentrated on the pleasure, letting his body become accustomed to Vin. As the burning subsided, the pain was replaced with the want of something more, as he started to move back against Vin's erection.
"Are ya ready for more?" Vin asked, his voice raspy from the held back lust for his partner.
"Yes," Ezra moaned.
Vin then entered his lover's body all the way. Ezra could feel the control Vin was using to keep from just fucking him there and then. "VIN!" Ezra moaned loudly as he found his prostate.
"Found your pleasure spot did we?" Vin chuckled as he began to slowly thrust in and out, making sure he hit the little nub over and over again.
Soon both men were lost in the passion. There was no more pain for Ezra, only extreme pleasure as Vin continued to make him beg for more. Vin increased the pumping of Ezra's erection in time with his thrusts 'til both men found their release together, as one.
Standish felt the bed shift as Vin crawled up beside him and moved to take Ezra into his arms. Both men were out of breath and wanted nothing more than to hold each other.
"I love ya, Ez."
"I love you, Vin."
"No regrets?"
"Most definitely no regrets here," Ezra moaned.
"Will be sore for a few days, but we will still be able to pleasure each other."
"I trust you to show me," Ezra yawned.
"Yep, plus a little, learn as we go." Vin chuckled as the pulled the blanket up over them.
"I think I'm ready for a nap," Standish yawned again.
"You're gonna need one," Vin replied as he lightly kissed Ezra before sleep claimed him.
Josiah watched as Ezra sat perfectly still, his eyes closed, lost in his own little world. He had been afraid something like this would happen to the younger man if Vin were seriously harmed in any way. He prayed to God they would be able to bring Ezra back to them if Vin did not pull through today. The ex-priest looked up as Nathan and Dr. Henry entered the room.
Nathan and Dr. Henry entered the nurse's break room to bring word of Vin's survival. Nathan just wished he had better news of Vin's prognosis. The first thing Nathan noticed was the empty look on Standish's face. Nothing showed on the undercover agent's face, not even the man's poker face. Ezra's eyes appeared dull and lifeless.
Chris walked straight up to Nathan, wanting to be told something, anything. The waiting was killing them all slowly, Ezra most of all. "Nathan, just tell us straight," Chris demanded, unable to ask the question directly, 'is Vin dead?'
"Chris, Vin is okay for now. As long as no further complications arise, he should make it," Nathan stated, but something in his voice placed the others in the room on alert, except for Ezra. The southerner had yet to acknowledge anyone's presence.
"Mr. Larabee, the only other thing we are unsure of is whether the head injury and periods of possible lack of oxygen will cause Mr. Tanner to be mentally impaired or not, " Dr. Henry explained, because he did not want to offer them a sense of false hope. The young man was far from being out of the woods yet. "We will know more if and when Mr. Tanner wakes up."
"Brain damage, is that what you are implying?" Josiah asked as he continued to observe Ezra's lack of response to the news being shared.
Buck and JD looked at each other. Neither man knew how to respond to Ezra's unemotional response to Nathan's good news, and now to Dr. Henry's bad news. Neither Ezra's facial expression, nor his body language, acknowledged the men's presence or the information that was being given.
Chris bowed his head and thought about what Dr. Henry had just told them. "What are his chances of waking up normal?" Chris asked.
"Truly, I'm not sure. The Neurology team will be further evaluating Mr. Tanner. We will no longer be medicating Mr. Tanner to sedate him. We want him to try to wake up on his own. But, if at anytime he appears to be in pain, we will medicate him for it. The only time we will need to heavily sedate him is if he fights any of the treatment that is needed, such as his breathing tube or his IV's for example," Dr. Henry informed the friends and teammates of his patient.
What worried him was Mr. Standish's lack of participation in the discussion of Mr. Tanner's care. Usually, it was he that would question everything they planned to do and the reasoning behind it. Dr. Henry walked over and knelt in front of Ezra.
"Mr. Standish, can you hear me? MR. STANDISH! Do you understand what Mr. Jackson and I just said?" Dr. Henry frowned. "How long has he been like this?" he asked, as he continued to observe Ezra for any sign of recognition.
"Since we brought him in this room," JD answered.
Chris noticed for the first time how Standish had not responded to Dr. Henry's questions. The lack of Ezra's response scared him. No matter what, the undercover agent was always alert to his surroundings. Chris looked at Buck for an answer as to what to do. 'You did it for me Buck, what can we do for Ezra?'
Josiah knew what he had to do. He just did not know how the others would respond to his therapy. The ex-priest stood and walked over toward Ezra. He gently pulled Dr. Henry aside. "Excuse me for a moment, Dr. Henry. Now, son, this will hurt me as much as it will hurt you," Josiah stated. "Just remember Ezra, I'm doing this to bring you back to us, before we lose you forever."
Five men stood shocked, as Josiah drew back his hand and slapped Ezra across the face. The noise of skin hitting skin echoed in the otherwise quiet room.
"WHAT THE HELL!" Chris yelled, as he moved to stop Josiah, only to be held back by Nathan and Dr. Henry.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Josiah stated, "I refuse to sit and do nothing while Ezra retreats deeper into himself."
Ezra felt safe and warm in his memories of Vin and their first night together. The periods through the night they would wake up and take turns pleasuring each other with their lips and hands. He had learned a few new things that he had not read about in the books that he had acquired to educate himself about same sex partners. He relived the wonderful feeling of waking up in Vin's arms that morning and hearing his lover whisper close to his ear, "Good morning, sunshine."
Then the voices started to intrude, voices that did not belong in this memory. 'Go away, leave me alone,' Ezra told the unwanted voices in his head. Suddenly, a sharp pain registered somewhere in his cortex, 'but where?'
Josiah watched as Ezra's facial muscles twitched. "Ezra, Ezra, wake up now. Vin needs you son. You have to wake up and keep your promise to Vin."
The other men prayed that Josiah had done the right thing. They gasped as Josiah raised his hand again, as if to strike the gambler a second time.
"Mr. Sanchez, I heard you the first time. I'm sure it was a sound heard through out this obnoxious institution." Ezra opened his eyes and glared at Josiah.
Ezra's hostile stare lasted only a few seconds as he noticed the presence of Nathan and Dr. Henry. He wondered when they had come into the room. "Mr. Jackson, Dr. Henry, what news do you have concerning Vin?" Ezra had heard something about Vin needing him, meaning he must still be alive.
Ezra listened to Dr. Henry's assessment of Tanner's condition as told earlier to the others, unbeknownst to him. Standish felt like something was not right, but could not place a finger on what it could be. 'I will try and figure it out later. Right now I need to concentrate on what I can do for Vin.' The poker face was in place as he processed the meaning of what Dr. Henry was telling him concerning Vin's prognosis.
"I wish to stay with him at all times. It is very important that I stay 'til he leaves here on his own or…by means of the alternatives you have cautioned my about," Ezra's voiced sternly, expecting no compromise or interference to his request.
"Mr. Standish, as long as you do not prevent us in anyway from doing our job, you can stay at ALL times," Dr. Henry promised.
"Could you be so kind as to place that as an order on his chart. I do not wish to leave something as important as this to chance," Ezra asked.
"Certainly, I will write it when I leave here," Dr. Henry promised, as he silently prayed, 'I just hope there never comes a time for it to be needed.'
"Thank you, Dr. Henry. I appreciate the extra time you have taken with this request," Ezra stated as he held out his hand.
"You don't have to thank me for doing my job, but…you are most welcome. I just wish it was for a different reason," Dr. Henry replied, as he shook the man's hand.
"Yes, I agree," Ezra sadly smiled.
"Well, I have to go and check on my other patients and see if Neurology is here. Please, you have my pager number; page me if you have any questions or concerns," the doctor offered.
"We will, and again thank you," Ezra replied.
Ezra watched as the doctor walked out the door. Now was the time of realism, the time to face the others and hear how weak and selfish he was. The young agent bowed his head feeling a headache starting right behind is left eye.
"Ezra-" Josiah started.
"Please, Mr. Sanchez, first I wish to apologize for my behavior."
"Ezra, you have nothing to apologize for." Josiah replied.
"Yes, I do. I was selfish and thought of myself in Vin's room earlier. Then here in this room I thought of myself first. I let my mind travel and missed Dr. Henry coming in to inform us of Vin's health," Ezra sighed.
Nathan looked at Ezra, thinking the man was up to something. But, all he could see was the sincerity in the man's face. The southern cuss really thought he had done something wrong in his agonizing grief over Vin's close call with death.
"Ezra, I'm not sure I would have acted any different if it was Rain," Nathan stated in an attempt to reassure Standish he had done nothing wrong.
"But, it is my fault he is there in the first place. It should be me, not him, in that bed fighting for my life," Ezra growled.
Nathan looked at the others as he realized the true reason for Ezra's road to a nervous breakdown. The undercover agent was taking responsibility for Vin's injury.
"Ezra, would you have pushed Vin out of the way of a speeding bullet meant for him, if given the chance? Would you risk your life to save him?" Josiah asked.
"YES!" Ezra shouted.
"So, Vin cannot do the same for you?" Buck asked.
"It is not the same," Ezra mumbled.
"What did you say?" Chris asked, not believing what he'd just heard. "Why is it not the same?"
"Because, Mr. Larabee, it is not the same," Ezra growled. He could not believe that he needed to explain to these men that he was expendable. They needed Vin and the sharpshooter needed them, more than either of them needed him. Ezra had yet to look any of the men in the eyes.
"Ezra, look at me," Chris growled in return.
Chris now realized Vin was not lying when he'd told him of the southerner's poor self-esteem. The sharpshooter had tried to explain that the southerner's cockiness was just a defense mechanism to prevent anyone from getting close to him.
Ezra refused to look at Chris. He did not want to see the disgust and blame in his team leader's eyes. Chris had been the one to give him a second chance, and he was sure there would not be a third.
"Ezra, you did nothing wrong. Vin did nothing wrong. He did for you what you would have done for him, that is to protect the other from harm, no matter the risk," Buck stated, letting the younger man know he did not blame him for Vin's injury.
"Ezra, if I would have been in Vin's place, I would have done the same thing. We are family, and that is what family does for one another. I think we just have to work a little harder in making you believe you are a part of this family," Chris stated as he walked up to Ezra.
"Mr. Larabee-" Ezra started.
"It's Chris, and by the way this is Josiah, JD, Buck, and Nathan," Chris glared, before breaking into a small smile.
"You are not alone in this Ezra. We will be there for you and Vin. We will be here for each other as well, because we care about you," Josiah smiled.
Ezra looked up and around at the faces of his associates as they tried to tell him about being family. He scrutinized the five men closely, looking for anything that would tell him that they were lying. But, all he could see was a deep concern for him. "Mr. Lar-. I mean Chris… You do not think that Vin is hurt because of me, that I’m not at fault?" Ezra asked unable to hide the shock.
"Nope, none. The only one responsible is the one that pulled the trigger. You took care of the bastard with a single shot between the eyes," Chris replied.
"Ezra, Vin covered your back. If he had not done so, it would be you we were here praying and worrying over. Then Vin would be hovering over you and feeling guilty because he had not done his job of covering your back," Josiah stated. He wanted Ezra to realize that he had done nothing wrong.
"So, you are telling me none of you men feel that Vin's injury was my fault," Standish asked in disbelief.
"NO!" Five men yelled at once.
Ezra blurted out, "But, I'm the expendable one." The undercover agent never knew what hit him as Chris punched him square in the jaw. Ezra did not feel the impact of his fall to the floor, shocked as he was by Chris's reaction to his words.
"Don't ever let me hear you say something so asinine again. DO YOU HEAR ME? Chris bellowed.
"Ezra, none of us are expendable over the other." Nathan walked over and held his hand out offering assistance to the downed southerner. "And I don't what to hear you say that again, or I will be the one knockin' your ass to the ground."
Ezra looked at the men's faces as he reached and accepted Nathan's help up off the floor. The thought of being physically assaulted for thinking he was not worthy enough was a new concept for him. He had always been hit and beaten for trying to belong, or for just being there.
"I'm sorry Ezra, but for you to think you are not important to us, to me, well it pisses me off to no end," Chris growled. "You are a part of this unit, a part of this group of misfits that have come to be a family unit."
"Brothers to the end would be a way to describe it, I think," Buck smiled, then winked at Standish.
"Ezra, it will take time. You will come to see that you are an important person to all of us, not just as a great undercover agent and teammate, but as a true friend as well," Josiah smiled.
Ezra looked around dazed at what he was hearing, as well as still a little shaken from the personal message delivered by Chris. The southerner did not realize at first his hand was still encased by Nathan's. When he finally got back to looking at Nathan, he realized they were still connected in the form of a handshake. The southerner's eyes drifted down and took in the sight of Nathan's hand still firmly gripping his. "Thank you, Mr. Jackson." Ezra smiled as he returned the grip and shook the man's hand.
Nathan smiled as he noticed Ezra's smile and felt the grip on his hand tighten as the southerner shook his hand. Now everything Josiah had told him in the past about Ezra's feelings of not being good enough made sense to him. The cockiness was a cover to keep people from getting too close and, Standish's fear of rejection was evaded by rejecting others first. It was now clear that Ezra had never known the true meaning of friendship or how it felt to know that someone would cover his back and be there for him.
"We may disagree on many things Ezra, but I will never not be your friend. Being friends does not mean you have to always get along. Just be there when they need you, or vice versa." Nathan winked just before he ended the handshake.
Ezra watched as Nathan smiled and walked toward the door, but before he could reply JD came up and held out his hand. "Ezra, I'm happy to call you my friend. You have always treated me like an adult, unlike a few of the other of our more mature associates in this room." JD winked as he took his friend's hand and firmly gripped it. "I would miss ya a whole lot if something took you away from us, Ez."
Ezra watched as JD's eyes filled with tears. He returned the handshake with the same intensity offered, bringing a smile to their youngest member's face. "As I would miss you Mr…I mean JD," Ezra smiled.
JD smiled as he joined Nathan by the door and Buck took his place. Buck smiled his easygoing grin and then shook his head. He had not always liked Ezra, and he still didn’t trust him one drop. But, things that Josiah pointed out along the way had started to make him see the southerner in a different light. That light made him see how much the man worked at making people stay away from him. He still could not believe how Vin Tanner and Josiah Sanchez had seen the real man behind the costume he wore for protection. All he knew was that he was glad that they did, for Ezra was a man he was proud to call brother. "Ez, ya are one walkin' messed up individual, but aren't we all in one way or another. Misfits are what we are. Guess that is why we belong together and don't let anyone ever tell ya different. WE ARE FAMILY." Buck stressed the last as he took Ezra's hand and firmly shook it. "I'm proud to call you brother, Brother."
Ezra watched as Buck nodded to emphasize his words and then joined JD and Nathan by the door. The big man's words touched his heart and made him feel special. "Thank you, Buck. I'm just as proud to call you my Brother as well."
Chris came up and looked at Standish and glared, but the smile on his lips told Ezra it was for show. They looked at each other for awhile before Larabee took the southerner in to a brief hug. As he pulled away, he held out his hand for Ezra to take.
Ezra could see the fight Chris was having with keeping his emotions in check. He had never thought their infamous leader would come to think of him as one of his own. Never had he thought himself worthy enough to stand up the to the Larabee standards.
"I'm not sorry I hit you. To say I was would be a lie. Just don't ever underestimate your worth to me or the others again," Chris stated. Ezra looked at Chris as he took the man's hand. The handshake was firm and held the promise of friendship Ezra had thought would never be available to him.
"Chris, I accept your apology. But I also reserve the right to return said favor in the future if needed." Standish smiled as he returned the handshake.
"I will try and remember that. Might have to work on my avoidance of incoming objects technique for future reference." Chris chuckled as the released Ezra's hand and joined the others.
Josiah looked at the men standing by the door and then pointedly directed his gaze to the door. Nathan understood the gesture and indicated to the others they needed to leave and give Ezra and Josiah some private time.
Ezra watched the silent communication between Josiah and one or more of the others now standing behind him. He was sure it was Nathan that the profiler had gestured to. The thought that Josiah wanted time alone with him warmed him and at the same time made him nervous.
Josiah watched the door as it closed, before looking back at the man he had come to love as a son. It did not matter if he was hardheaded, cocky, a maverick that took too many chances with his life, or that he was gay. All that mattered was that stubborn southern fool stayed alive, became less hardheaded, less cocky, and took fewer chances with his life. "Ezra, you are more important to me than anything on this earth. I know you don't want to hear this, but I have to tell you. I love you like a son. I had a son once; he only lived for a couple hours, but it was long enough for him to claim a piece of my heart that aches for him everyday. I will be here for you 'til the day I die." Josiah smiled as he opened his arms to Ezra, letting him make the choice to be hugged.
Ezra looked at Josiah and realized he was giving him the option of being hugged or not, that Josiah would love him no more or no less even if he chose not to step into the man's embrace. "Josiah, I don't know what it is like to have a father, let alone to be a son. I'm afraid I will disappoint you," Ezra whispered. He had always deep down wished Josiah had been his father. The southerner had wondered often how different his life would have been if that would have happened. Even if it was not Josiah, per say, but a father figure in his mold.
"Ezra, you would never disappoint me. I have seen your faults as well as your redeeming qualities. All they tell me is that you're just as human as the rest of us. Life is a lesson that we are constantly learning, and it's how we use what we learn that makes us the people we are today and in the future," Josiah smiled, never dropping his arms.
"Maybe some time you can tell me about your son?" Ezra asked.
"I would love to tell you about Zachary Micah Sanchez one day," Josiah replied still keeping his arms open.
Ezra looked deeply into the blue eyes of the preacher/profiler/parental advisor of their little group. He looked for any signs that what Josiah was telling him was a lie. Deep down he knew that the man would never lie to him, but some insecurities was hard to overcome. In his life too many people had broken their vows to love and care for him, and thus made it hard for him to trust those that promised to do so now.
"What I'm telling you is true and will last a lifetime. I will not go back on my word, to do so would break my heart," Josiah softly promised.
Ezra felt the pull to walk into the welcoming arms of his fantasy come true. He had wanted all his life to have one of his parents accept him, to love him, and to hold him. The southerner knew if he allowed Josiah to hug him the commitment to being in a father and son relationship would take hold. Vin had told him through out their relationship that Josiah held him in a special light. If he accepted Josiah as his father figure, Vin as his lover and life mate, and the others as his brothers then his family would be complete. With this in mind, Ezra walked toward the gentle giant of a man he would now consider a major figure in his life.
Josiah smiled as Ezra stepped toward him and into his open arms, and the big man wrapped them around his surrogate son and pulled him tightly against his body. The preacher's smiled widened as he felt the southerner relax into his hug. "Welcome home son," Josiah whispered.
"Thank you," Ezra replied as he wrapped his arms around Josiah and returned the offer of commitment to their new relationship. Ezra did not know why he started crying, just that the tears had started coming. Soon the tears flowed faster and he began to shake from the sobs now escaping his body.
"It's okay Ezra. Just let it out, and you will feel so much better after, I promise." Josiah held on tightly as his boy's body trembled.
Standish was not sure how long he cried on Josiah's shoulder. At first he was embarrassed and again thought of himself as being weak.
"It is a strong man that allows another to share in their burdens," Josiah stated. "It doesn't make us weak to share our grief with another person, especially a family member."
"Josiah, you really do know what to say. I'm happy you decided to denounce your vows, not because of religious purposes mind you, but because I would not have met you any other way." Ezra smiled as he pulled gently out of Josiah's embrace.
"God works in mysterious ways, Ezra. Could be I was meant to do his work here," Josiah smiled.
"Well, let me give thanks to God for such a wonderful act of insight," Ezra chuckled.
"Son, you wouldn't be mocking me and God, now, would you?" Josiah laughed knowing Ezra was just talking now to help get himself together.
"Why, Josiah, what would give you that assumption?" Ezra gasped with an over dramatized expression. "Would you care to join me in checking on Vin? I'm feeling like I have abandoned him with thinking about myself instead of him."
"Ezra, you will be able to concentrate solely on Vin now. What good would you be to Vin if the guilt was still eating at you? He will just be sorry he missed the fireworks between you and Chris." Josiah laughed as Ezra rubbed his jaw. "You will have to tell him how you got that bruise on your jaw."
"If I'm lucky, he will think it is from the bust and not ask a thing about it," Ezra replied.
"Oh, I don't think so. I'm can think of at least two people who would feel obligated to tell Vin how Chris accosted you. One because he felt it was his duty, the other just to start some mischief," the preacher explained.
"I can figure out Buck as the mischievous one, but who would feel it was his duty?" Ezra frowned.
"JD. Seems Vin made the young man promise to tell him anything one of us did to you." Josiah smiled at the shocked expression on Ezra's face.
"Vin did that. But, whatever for?" Ezra asked softly.
"Because, Ezra, you are important to him. He is like a wolf; he mates for life and protects that mate any and every way he can," Josiah informed the southerner as he placed his hand on his shoulder. "JD did it because he wanted to, and he enjoyed making life hell for Chris, Buck, and Nathan. Don't let that boy fool you, he likes to play the brother in the middle."
Ezra laughed at what Josiah was telling him. Vin watched his back, as he promised he would, but he could not believe he missed all of this going on around him. He would have to watch what he did in front of young Mr. Dunne in the future.
"Let's go and see Vin now," Ezra stated, then froze as his hand touched the doorknob. "Josiah, I can't lose him. It would be the death of me and all that I hold dear not to have him in my life to share it with me. It might even make life not worth…living."
Josiah heard the desperate plea in the young man's voice. He wished he could just snap his fingers and make everything okay again, but it was not in his power to do so. "Ezra, be strong, and know that you are not alone. We will be there no matter what happens."
"Will you be able to handle me and my grief if Vin dies?" Ezra asked.
"I will fight you if necessary to make sure you stay with us, if that is what you are asking," Josiah growled.
"I'm not sure if I would want to live," Ezra sighed.
"I will make you want to live. If I have to wrestle you down and keep you there 'til you come to your senses I will do so. I will not abandon you for any reason," Josiah firmly stated.
"Thank you," Ezra replied.
The two men left the room with an understanding that if Vin died the younger man would most likely try and end his own life too and the other would do everything in his power to prevent such act from happening. The fact that Ezra had told Josiah of such thoughts was a test. Standish trusted Josiah enough to tell him what his grief might push him to do, and to accept Josiah's pledge to him that he would protect him from himself, until he would be able to think about living again.
+ + + + + + +
Chris looked at the young man fighting for his life. Vin had become an important member of his new family, the little brother he'd always wish he had. To watch him now lying there helpless, with nothing he could do to make him better, brought back painful memories of losing Sarah and Adam.
"Vin you can't give up. You can't leave us, especially Ezra and me. Ezra will be lost without you, and I’m not sure if we will be able to save him from himself. I know we will all do everything possible, especially Josiah," Chris whispered to his injured friend. Larabee kept a look out for Ezra to come in and join them, hoping Josiah would be able to get through to the young man. The last thing Vin would have wanted was to have his life mate do something stupid if anything happened to him. Chris did not think that Ezra would or could hold so much guilt over something that was not his fault. 'Well, not by most everyone else's standards.'
The ATF leader of team seven had volunteered to sit by Vin and wait for Standish while JD and Buck went for food. Nathan was involved with the Neurology people discussing their findings. Chris smiled as he remembered finding out about Vin and Ezra's relationship. Buck had called and told him to meet him at the under cover agent's condo. At first he was shocked when Buck had told him that Ezra had a thing for sharpshooter. He'd know for a long time of Tanner's feelings for the green-eyed southerner, but he never thought Standish would share them. He laughed as Buck told him about the spyglass and how he told Vin about it. Then he listened to Buck describe the phone calls to Vin to discuss what to do and what he wanted to do to surprise Ezra. It reminded him of how Buck used to help Sarah to surprise him as well.
"Cowboy, that Buck is one special friend. I knew he was a good friend, the best, but with you getting hurt and seeing Ezra go through what he has, it has made me realize just how special Buck really is." Chris kept talking to his best friend, wanting him to know he was not alone.
"Don't worry; I will be there for Ez, if you cannot be. I will not let him drift and become the angry, empty, pitiful man I almost became," Chris promised.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra and Josiah walked into the room and noticed how silent it was except the beeps and swoosh sound of the respirator helping Vin to breath. Ezra looked to see if Nathan was around, wanting to hear what the specialist had to say. He noticed Chris sitting close to Vin's head and saw him whispering to unconscious man.
Chris looked up and smiled as Ezra walked toward the other side of the bed. The southerner nodded and smiled back as he took the other chair and then took Vin's hand into his.
"Cowboy, Ez is here. I'm going to go and drag Josiah for a cup of coffee and let you two have some quiet time together." Chris winked at Standish as he squeezed Vin's shoulder.
Ezra smiled as Chris grabbed Josiah and pulled him out the door, leaving him alone with Vin for the first time since the shooting. "Well, seems we have some time to ourselves. First and foremost Mr. Tanner, and yes I'm calling you Mr. Tanner until you awaken from this visit with Morpheus and tell me to stop," Ezra told his lover as he stroked the warm but unresponsive hand gripped in his.
"You do remember that this is our anniversary of being together today. I had such wonderful plans for us. This was to be a day to be remembered involving more pleasurable adventures than me watching you sleep. But, in my heart so far it is a much better day than it could have been earlier. You could have been lost to me forever, meaning I would have lost it all." Ezra's voice broke as tears fell down his face.
"Lover, I will be here with you for as long as you are allowed to be with me on this earth. I thank God for everyday I have spent with you, and I pray to God that he will give me more memories and adventures with you. I want us be to together forever and let anyone who knows us say, "They had a love to remember." Forever Vin, remember you promised forever." Ezra smiled as he kissed Vin's palm and then pulled it up and rubbed his cheek against the freshly kissed skin.
Ezra was not sure how long he sat with his lover's hand up against his cheek. He just reveled in the chance he was getting to be with life mate and offer what comfort he could.