"If you ain't gonna drink that coffee, I'll have it. Seems a waste to throw it all over the deck."Ezra wheeled around at the sound of the voice, more coffee slopping over the rim of the mug at his sudden movement. The shock momentarily robbed him of his voice, the snatches of his nightmare somehow confusing themselves inextricably with the physical fact of Buck standing there, really standing there, just a few feet away. His face was still slightly swollen, the features not quite where they belonged, and the bruises were still there - yellowing, but still a technicolour reminder of just how close it had been.
Ezra shivered again, fighting to regain his composure. "Isn't it rather early for you to be up and around?" The voice was harsher than he intended and he clenched his teeth together.
"You're up and about," Buck countered coolly, his steady eyes trying to lock onto Ezra's only to have Standish's green gaze slide away from him.
"Barely," Ezra retorted, almost wincing at the waspish tone of his words.
Buck shrugged. "Well, you've been up long enough to make coffee an' start throwin' it around. Having trouble sleeping?"
Ezra opened his mouth to deny it, but the words died in his throat. "Some," he admitted.
"Too much wine?" Buck's voice dropped a tone, "or bad dreams?"
Ezra couldn't bring himself to look at Buck, not properly. He couldn't actually face him. He was too afraid that if he dared, those midnight eyes would see through him as if he were made of glass, would be able to see the fear hiding inside him, fighting to get out. Not just the fear, either. The reason for the fear was what Standish was most in dread of the big man finding in his eyes. He could live with Buck believing him a coward, but he couldn't live with Buck knowing he had lost something far more precious than his courage. His heart.
"Bin there a time or two myself," Buck said when Ezra didn't answer, "fightin' midnight. Tires you out, doesn't it?"
Ezra nodded at last, risking a quick glance at Buck's face. The dark blue eyes were still focused on his, not staring exactly, just looking. Waiting. "Would you care for some coffee?" he said at last, suddenly feeling that he needed to escape from that penetrating gaze before he melted under it.
"Sure."
"It's warmer inside, if you'd rather.?"
Buck shook his head. "No, it's nice out here." He took a huge breath of the cool morning air. "Fresh, clean, reminds me how good it is to be." He bit the sentence off when he saw the look of panic flash in Ezra's eyes, and smiled broadly. "Why don't you go get me a nice big mug of that fancy brew Ezra, then we c'n sit out here on the porch and put the world to rights."
"It's not a porch, it's a deck," Ezra muttered as he retreated inside.
Ezra didn't notice the huge grin split Buck's battered face at the soft words. Buck felt relieved. Ezra was still in there somewhere.
Buck sipped his coffee while Ezra showered and dressed, using the precious minutes to try and compose himself. He wondered what Buck was doing here, only a day after his release from hospital. Various scenarios played through his overactive imagination as he brushed his teeth over the sink. Buck was angry. Wanted to take him to task over his behaviour. Buck was concerned and wanted to find out what was eating him. Buck was.
Buck was Buck, and the only way Ezra was going to find out for certain what he wanted was to go and face the music, whatever the tune might be.
He ran a comb through his towel-dried hair and mentally lectured his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Keep it together, Ezra. You can do this. You've hidden it this long without discovery, just concentrate and you will be able to keep hiding it.
The deeply shadowed green eyes that stared back at him did not look convinced.
"Better," Buck said as Ezra re-emerged, clutching a fresh mug of coffee. "Nice shirt," he added, nodding in the direction of Ezra's bottle-green long-sleeved Oxford.
"Thank you. I'm most gratified that you approve of my wardrobe," Ezra said tartly, then instantly regretted it. Why did he do that? Why did he always have to respond with an acid comment, even to an obviously genuine compliment?
Methinks thou doth protest too much. For someone who'd been dead for a few centuries, Shakespeare still had a damned good grasp of human psychology, he thought. "How are you feeling?" he risked at last. "Did the eminent Doctor Stone not provide you with any medication to help you sleep?"
Buck shook his head. "Don't need it. Slept like a babe last night. I guess dozing for four days in the hospital pretty much recharged my batteries. Woke up with the lark this mornin' and thought I'd come over. We haven't really had a chance to talk since the raid, and I thought with this bein' the weekend, we could." there was a slight pause, ".well, you know, have a chat about it."
Ezra's brain wanted to scream. Chat? Chat?? You nearly died ! You nearly died. You nearly died and it was all my fault.
"I'm okay , Ezra."
For a single, horror-struck moment, Ezra thought he must have spoken the words out loud, then he realised that he hadn't. But Buck had seen it anyway.
"Thanks to Mr Tanner's enviable abilities."
"No, thanks to a lot of people, but mostly thanks to you."
Ezra stared at him. "Me? It was Vin who saved your life, Buck."
"He wouldn't have bin there if you hadn't called him."
"It would not have been necessary to call him if I had performed as I should have done."
Buck put his coffee mug down and stood up. "Is that what this is all about, Ezra? You thinking you've failed? You had no control over what happened in that bank! It wasn't your fault that five morons decided to try an' steal something that wasn't theirs, it wasn't your fault that that greedy little bastard Sleeman was in it up to his scrawny, worthless neck, and it sure as hell wasn't your fault that we got mixed up in it! We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, that's all ."
Ezra could feel the blood beginning to pound in his head, the fear beginning to course round his system. He put the coffee mug down, but couldn't trust himself to stand. "It was my fault. It was my fault you were there at all! I should have spotted the signs. I noticed something was amiss with Sleeman straight off, but I was too preoccupied to concentrate. I should have been more aware of what was happening," his voice was rising, the images beginning their never ending re-run in his imagination, " I should never have allowed myself to be locked in that room, I should never have surrendered my gun, I should have saved you!" His voice was stretched, taught, his eyes wide.
"You did !" Buck almost shouted, "I'm fine Ezra, look at me."
The green eyes would not risk it. "You nearly died," the voice was dropping, catching in his throat, strangling the breath out of him. "You nearly died, and all I did was stand there." An expression of real pain creased Ezra's features. "You nearly died, right in front of my eyes, and I did nothing . I almost lost you."
Buck breathed out, and successfully quelled the small smile that threatened his mouth. "Is that why you can't sleep?"
Ezra rubbed a distracted hand across his face, unsure of what was real and what was imaginary. His head was spinning, his heart pounded. He couldn't remember what he'd said, what words had actually come out of his mouth. They were all jumbled up with the images in his mind. "What?"
Buck took a step forward. "I said, is that why you can't sleep?"
"Is what why I can't sleep?"
"You can't sleep because you think I nearly died. Because you think it was your fault. You are blaming yourself because you believe your feelings prevented you from acting properly."
"My... feelings?"
The midnight eyes were still steady, calm, focused. "Yep, your feelings. Those two distinct sets you've bin tryin' to get to mesh together. The ones you've been fightin'. The ones you don't think you should have and the ones you know it's okay to have. The feelings about the team, the job, they're okay, they're safe and acceptable, but the others."
Ezra's voice was barely audible. "The. the others?"
"The ones `bout me." Ignoring Ezra's thunder-struck face, Buck continued, ". they're the ones you've been fighting. Oh, you were doing okay until the bank raid, then the two things got all mixed up together and you can't sort it out any more, can you? You can't separate them out into feelings you can deal with and feelings you can't."
Unable to face Buck, unable to believe his ears, but compelled to do something , to say something , Ezra stood up and turned away. What more damage could the truth do now?
"Because I can't take that risk," he said at last, his shoulders shaking. "You don't understand, Buck, how could you? You aren't. you aren't like me," he turned around, still not looking at Buck's face. "For the first time ever in my life, I've found somewhere I belong! I found something I really thought I could do that could mean something to someone else besides myself. I found myself really believing I could make a difference! Oh, it took some time. At first I was just out to prove to Mr Larabee that I was worthy of the trust he'd placed in me, but. somewhere along the line, something changed. I had friends ," at last the wide green eyes raised to meet Buck's, "all my life I had believed that you could not rely on anyone except yourself. That allowing anyone else too close to you only gave them something that one day they would use against you. To give something of yourself to someone else was to give them control of part of you. so I held out against it. It took a long time for me to recognise what I had, what I have . Friends. Real, loyal friends. Friends who trust me." The voice was choking, the eyes filling with tears.
"I have never had that before, and I would give anything not to lose it! When I found myself becoming attracted to you I was terrified that someone would find out and that I would lose the trust I had earned. I couldn't admit how I felt, how could I? You have never shown the slightest interest in that direction, quite the opposite! I convinced myself it was simply physical, simply." he reddened slightly, ".lust, and I was not prepared to risk everything we had built together for something so.so. base."
Buck didn't speak, didn't move. He simply watched, eyes calm and steady, locked onto Ezra's guilt- wracked features.
"Then, when I realised that that maniac was going to. going to kill you, I realised that I wished I had told you, because in that moment I truly loved you more than my own life. I would happily have given my life for yours. Is that love? Or is it simply overpowering lust? I don't know, perhaps I never did know. and I loathe myself for not knowing!" The eyes were sparkling, threatening to overflow. "I hate myself because I can't tell the difference!"
The words were bitten off by a choking indrawn breath. He turned away, all his efforts at self-control shattered.
"I can." The voice was quiet but in deadly earnest.
Ezra swung around, staring into Buck's face, searching for any sign of mockery, but the dark blue eyes were totally guileless. "What?"
"I said I can. Tell the difference." The eyes locked onto Ezra's. "If your Ma had done what mine did, you'd be able to, too."
Standish couldn't hold the gaze, his eyes began to drop, only to feel - almost literally feel - Buck pulling him back, like a magnet. "I. I don't understand."
"I used to look at them - the men that came to the house," Buck said carefully. "I looked at them, looking at the girls. When you do that for a while, it's simple. Their eyes, glittering, greedy. Their thoughts, their expressions, their wants - all about them, them, them."
The focus of Buck's gaze grew sharp, and Ezra felt it, almost physically. It was as if Buck were looking inside him.
Buck's voice dropped a little, became softer. "Lust is all about the person doing the looking. Love is all about the person you're looking at."
He shrugged, a small movement for such a big man. "When you know that, it's easy. Like with you Ezra. I look into your eyes an' it's real easy."
Time hung suspended in a heartbeat.
Then, the tiniest smile began to play at the corners of Buck's mouth, almost hidden by the dark 'tache, and suddenly, Ezra understood.
"Are you telling me you knew ?" Ezra's jaw dropped in complete amazement. Surely, it just wasn't possible. Was it? Had he really been so careless, so indiscreet, that Buck had guessed ? How much more mortified was it possible for a human being to feel? "Oh God," Ezra said quietly.
"Look around you, Ezra. What do you see?"
Standish frowned, not understanding what Buck was getting at.
"C'mon Ez - it's a simple enough question - what do you see ?"
"You," Ezra said at last, "standing on my deck, trying to confuse and inveigle me in equal measure."
"Stick with the first word of that sentence," Buck said.
Ezra frowned deeper. "You," he said again.
"Exactly." The smile formed properly now, igniting something in those eyes. "I'm here, ain't I? Can you think of anyone else I would get outta bed in the middle of the night, then come haring halfway across town for?"
Feeling slightly less rocky now, Ezra squared his shoulders. "Yes, actually, five other people without thinking about it for more than a second, and I could probably add another dozen or so with a little thought."
Relief broadened the smile. "Then don't think," Buck said. "Except about what you're gonna make me for breakfast - I'm starving!"
7~7~7~7~7~7~7
"Why didn't you give me some indication that you were.aware of .that you knew I." Ezra was having trouble forming the sentence properly.
Buck, seated at the small table in Ezra's kitchen and carefully chewing a mouthful of very good scrambled eggs, opened his eyes wider. "What's the matter, Ez? You're gettin' a little tongue- tied there!" He shook his head in mock wonderment. "Never thought I'd see the day."
Ezra's eyes dropped back to his plate of untouched food, and Buck relented. "Okay, I'm sorry," he smiled. "What did you expect me to do? Just stroll up to you and say, `Hey Ezra, I've noticed you've been lookin' at me in a way that even a dumb-ass like me can't really misread - what d'ya wanna do about it?'"
"No, no of course not!"
"Well, what then?"
"You could have given me some idea that you were not completely unaware of how I felt."
Buck grinned. "Like what? Flowers? Candy?"
"Now you are mocking me."
"No, Ezra, I'm teasing you, and there is a difference," Buck said steadily. He took a deep breath. "Ezra, you had to work this out for yourself. If I'd come on to you, you would have run a mile, wouldn't you? You needed to think this through in your own time - work out how you were gonna deal with it. It was just a shame that those morons at the bank screwed up the plan a little, 'cos I know you would've worked in out in the end, and you wouldn't have appreciated me laying the Wilmington moves on ya before you were ready, now would ya?"
"I don't know," Ezra's eyes sparkled, "I have yet to judge the potency of `the Wilmington moves'."
"Believe me," Buck said, still grinning, "I don't go where I ain't invited. There's more'n enough trouble in the world without me makin' more for myself, and the Wilmington magic is powerful stuff!" He shook his head. "Can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse, some days."
"You really are most conceited, you know." There was no heat to the words, just a warmth that somewhere inside Ezra was beginning a slow, simmering burn.
"For all you know, Slick, I might have good reason to be."
Ezra swallowed. "Yes, you might."
"You be sure an' tell me, okay?"
"Tell you what?"
"If I got reason to be conceited."
"And when am I supposed to be able to do that, pray?"
Buck smiled. This was all going to have to be his fault. Some things never changed. Good thing Ezra was worth it, he decided.
He stared straight into Ezra's jade-green gaze. "Afterwards."
The sip of coffee that Ezra had taken suddenly lodged halfway down his throat, and he had to force himself to swallow, making a strange strangling noise in the process.
Buck waited.
"We're going to do this, then? Are we?" Ezra smiled, more than a little nervous.
"Do what? At the moment it's a beautiful Saturday mornin', an' I'm sittin' here, eatin' a mighty fine breakfast and sharing some good conversation with a friend. What more did you have in mind?"
"You are incorrigible."
"If I knew what the hell that meant, I'd probably agree with you."
Ezra sighed. "I just wish I found this as. as easy as you seem to! I nearly have a nervous breakdown wondering how on earth I am ever going to deal with this; you nearly get yourself killed which finally prompts me into taking some action, however ill thought-out. I finally bare my soul to you, and you just accept it! As if I'd just. just. offered to buy you a cup of coffee!"
"Are you happy or angry?" Buck asked with another grin.
"A little of both, I think. Or maybe a little envious. I just wish I found this as simple as you seem to."
Buck shook his head. "Hell, Ezra, it is simple! We know each other. We trust each other. We like each other. We want each other. How much more simple could it be?"
"Do we? Really know each other? There is so much about me that you don't know. There are things I have. Things I regret. Secrets. Things I wish. I have. a past."
Buck said levelly, "From where I'm sittin', it looks to me like your past has you. As for secrets, where's the fun in getting to know someone if you know everything there is to know about them before you start?" He leaned forward, only a simple movement, but it closed the distance between them to less than arm's length. "You think I don't understand about secrets? About things you wish hadn't happened or weren't so? And when it comes to having a past, I'll bet you every cent you're gonna earn this year that mine is more colourful than yours!"
An arm reached out - a big hand resting on Ezra's shoulder with the gentleness of a feather. "I know all about coming to terms with your past, getting to grips with things that can't be changed because they've happened and it just ain't possible to turn the clock back." The warmth from that hand seeped through to Ezra's skin, spreading throughout his body with a wash of wildfire.
"And I don't give a shit 'bout any of your secrets or anything that happened in your past. I've made up my own mind about you, and you can't change that by telling me about things that happened years ago. Jus' like those stupid, greedy bastards in the bank couldn't change it, either. All those things, whatever they were, are all part of you, now. And it's that person - with all his faults, secrets, quirks and everything else - I care about." The eyes grew a little darker, the words a little softer. "Who I can't stop thinking about. Who, right now, right this minute, I want so badly I can barely breathe. You. The you sitting here with me."
Wide, disbelieving green eyes lifted to Buck's face, underlined by a smile that Buck knew he would be more than willing to take a bullet for.
Any time.
7~7~7~7~7~7~7
The faint chimes of the Westminster wall clock in Ezra's hallway echoed softly through the house, but neither Ezra nor Buck were aware of them.
A warm pool of sunlight spilled in through the voile-shaded windows, but Ezra couldn't see it - couldn't see anything, his eyes were tightly closed, his face a taught mask of concentration. Muscles rigid with fear and tension, sweat sheening his face and chest. His spine flexed, his hips aching as shallow, ragged breaths hissed out from between clenched teeth and his fingers clutched desperately at the soft skin and hard edge of hip bone of the body beneath him. He breathed in and in again, frantically, the forced exhale from overloaded lungs degenerating into a hitching sob.
"It's okay Ezra, it's okay , oh, please." the encouragement petered out into a soft groan.
Ezra dared to open his eyes just long enough to glance down, his eyes widening disbelievingly at the sight of himself half buried in Buck's body. A sound escaped him, a low keening wail, harsh and almost agonised.
"Ez. please. just let it go!"
"I. can't."
"Yes, yes, you can ."
His head shook violently, droplets of sweat flying from his sodden hair. "I'll hurt you."
"No! No, you won't. Please, Ezra, God. I can't hold on much longer. Please ." Buck's voice held such need, such faith, Ezra felt guilt and desire and desperation and something that might have been love wash over him in an overpowering shudder that threatened to shake his heart free from his chest. Another moan from Buck and Ezra closed his eyes again, grasped the strong jut of bone under his hands more strongly and pushed, letting his own hips move him forward and upwards, feeling the impossible tightness of Buck's muscles, hot and sweet, grasp him in contracting waves.
Buck gasped, sweating with effort and emotion, and instantly felt Ezra freeze behind him. "Oh God! No! Wait! I'll pull out..."
"NO!" Buck almost shouted, his head snapping up, his arms locking at the elbows. He twisted his head around, fixing Ezra with those midnight eyes that could demand anything of him. "No," he said again, "trust me, Ez - please." The words were grating, ground out through a haze of overwrought emotion and physical overload. "Move," he commanded.
Ezra tried to comply, tried to glide smoothly forward, but met with the resistance of internal muscles that seemed intent on repelling him.
"Harder. now!"
Clenching his jaw so tightly he felt his neck twinge, Ezra inhaled sharply, urging his body forwards, feeling a rush of euphoria as he felt Buck push back against him and heard a noise that could only be his name issuing from Buck's throat, repeated over and over. For a few moments their rhythm was fractured, uncoordinated, then, quite unexpectedly, it was as if the obstacle had been overcome and the smooth, exquisite grind suddenly ignited the fire in the base of his spine. It flared, burned, incinerating his fear and doubt in the hot, desperate flames of approaching orgasm. Spiralling out of control, he thrust again and again into the willing body beneath him, almost mindless with the need for completion, oblivious to the sounds of passion and effort that escaped him.
The heat seemed to build until it threatened to engulf him, then, suddenly, he could feel his heartbeat pounding in every nerve of his body. For a terrifying moment he froze, before a white- hot explosive sensation sent wave after wave of rippling muscle spasms through him as his orgasm overtook him, emptied him. He collapsed forwards onto the broad back beneath him and tried to breathe through the untidy sobbing that broke from his throat.
Buck waited for a few moments, then gently relaxed, easing forwards so that Ezra slipped out of him without being aware of it. Then he turned and gathered the trembling, sweat-slicked body in his arms, grateful for Ezra's hard, reassuring embrace that encircled his chest as he did so.
"Easy, easy." he soothed, cradling the shaking body even closer. Standish pressed himself as hard as he could against Buck and seemed to freeze for a moment, holding his breath. Then he was trying to speak, but emotion and physical overload had reduced him to a few ragged, inarticulate words that Buck could barely hear.
"What?" he said softly, bending his head, then suddenly realised that Ezra was apologising. Grasping his shoulders, Buck thrust Standish away from him and tried to look into his face. "What? What's wrong, Ezra? What are you apologising for?"
Ezra's eyes answered for him, staring down at Buck's obviously unsatisfied erection resting hard against his hip. "I couldn't. Oh God, Buck, I'm sorry. I didn't. wait."
Buck grinned and pulled him back into a warm circle of strong arms. "Takes practice. Ain't likely to be a matched pair first time out, y'know," he said gently, cupping his hands around Ezra's skull, pushing his long fingers through the damp hair. "Plenty of time," he murmured, lowering his mouth to Ezra's, smothering the hitching breaths with a soft, hot kiss. Ezra's mouth opened in acceptance, his quick hands snaking upwards to fist in Buck's thick, dark waves of hair, stroking in cadence with the rhythm of his tongue against Buck's. The soft brush of Buck's 'tache stroked his lips, and those talented Wilmington hands disengaged from his hair and began a slow, careful journey southwards, mapping and testing each newly discovered portion of his anatomy along the way.
Far from the sated exhaustion he had been expecting, Ezra's over- revved system refused to slow down, his muscles stretching and flexing with new-found energy, his pulse still thundering in his ears. The tension and fear of the last few days had wound him up tighter than a watch-spring and now this cathartic and cataclysmic rendezvous had opened the flood- gates to a tidal wave.
He fell back against the wildly disarranged pillows, trying to regulate his breathing and failing, as he watched Buck's dark head travelling slowly down his body, feeling the maddeningly good caress of his 'tache tracking the path of his fingers, soft lips, sharp teeth, the sensations building and merging into a single, piercing point of desire that made him gasp.
With a sound somewhere between a groan and a snarl, he grabbed Wilmington's shoulders and pushed, rolling Buck over on his back. Surprise registered briefly on Buck's face, melting into curiosity mingled with desire as Ezra flung one knee over him and rolled into a sitting position, straddling Buck's hips and staring down at him with wide, dilated eyes.
A sudden, brilliant smile lit up the green eyes with fervent determination. "Time's up," Ezra said. "I want you inside me, now!"
Buck couldn't hold back his moan of desire at that, the effort of keeping himself so firmly under control beginning to fray at the edges, but he needed to hold on to it for a little longer yet.
"You sure?" he asked softly, aware of the knife edge of emotion Ezra was balancing on and unwilling to send him tumbling into something that might be a hell of a lot worse.
Ezra nodded without a second's hesitation, the eyes confirming the words. "Absolutely. Assuredly. Oh, God, yes."
Buck's large hands rested firmly on Ezra's thighs. "You done this before?" His voice was still soft, but the concern was evident in the slight edge of tone it held.
Ezra nodded. "Once." he confessed, almost blushing under the interrogative gaze, ". although it was a considerable time ago."
The hands moved in concert, a gentle stroking movement across the hard muscles. "You don't have to, Ez. It can still be good. real good, an' I don't need."
A hand snaked out and covered Buck's mouth, shutting off the words. Ezra bent low and kissed the end of his nose, then sat back up with a huge smile. The gaze was scorching, Buck could feel the heat of it like flames licking at his skin.
"Well I do need." He felt Buck's smile under his fingers, and lifted his hand away, locking eyes with Buck and feeling blindly for the open tube of lubricant on the night stand. His hand closed over it and he picked it up, depositing it in Buck's open hand with a small smile.
Buck squeezed a generous amount of the clear gel onto his palms, then gently rubbed his hands together, his eyes never leaving Ezra's face. There was no fear in the widely dilated green eyes, not even apprehension, just heat and desire. Buck's lube-sticky fingers, slightly cooled from the gel, tracked a narrow path up the outside of Ezra's thighs, then followed the crease of hip and thigh inwards, drawing a shudder and making the green eyes close. "Lift up a bit," he said throatily, and Ezra obeyed, supporting his weight on his knees as Buck's hands slid between his legs, one gently cupping the hot flesh of his balls, the other carefully rimming and stroking the puckered entrance to his body. The shudder returned, more strongly, his lungs filling on a deeply indrawn breath that hitched as he felt the long finger slip easily inside him. He groaned at the feel of it, the gentle, easy probing that made him want to roll his hips. He moved, only slightly, but heard Buck's voice.
"Sshh. Try 'n keep still... just for a minute or two. We need to take this slow." The finger moved again, soft circles that seemed to ignite a pulse deep inside him. There seemed to be no urgency to the movement and he simply relaxed, letting the passion build and the emotion flood through him. It was so, so good. He felt the hand flex, then the single finger was suddenly two, moving in tandem. The sensation was so good that he shivered, feeling the soft press inside, his whole body seeming to expand and contract in gentle waves, soothing, rolling, melting the sensations together; then suddenly he shot bolt upright as the fingers curled and connected with something that sent lightning strikes of white-hot pleasure through him.
He heard Buck's soft chuckle of satisfaction and opened his eyes to see Wilmington smiling up at him. "Okay? Like that?"
Ezra nodded mutely, fighting to stop his hips moving and failing. He leaned forwards, his palms flat against the broad expanse of Buck's shoulders, and began to roll in rhythm with the skilful, teasing, stretching fingers.
"That's it. relax. just go with it, Ez." Buck's soft encouragement was deeply arousing and Ezra gradually became aware of a mounting desire to push back against Buck's hand, suddenly needy for something to push against.
Buck stifled a deep moan of pleasure at the subtle change of movement, then canted his hips upward, shifting Ezra forward and up. "Ready?"
Ezra nodded again, a strange feeling of loss overtaking him swiftly as Buck withdrew his fingers, before placing one hand firmly on Ezra's left hip, and quickly coating and positioning his own aching cock with the other.
Dark blue eyes locked steadily with Ezra's. The voice was rasping, fighting to hold onto control that threatened to escape at any second. "Real slow, okay? Take your time. I don' wanna hurt you. you need to be slow and careful."
Buck reached both hands around to steady and reposition Ezra's hips and gently moved up a little, feeling himself broach then, with almost no resistance, enter the warm, moist body. It seemed to grasp him, so tight he gasped, fighting the almost overpowering urge to just push, concentrating on not letting Ezra sink down too fast. Standish heeded the words and sank slowly, head thrown back and eyes closed in concentration, impaling himself willingly and with a deep-throated, drawn-out groan of satisfaction that did not stop until he could go no further.
"That's it, that's it, Ez.oh God, you're there." Buck was trembling now, his restraint crumbling, and, unwilling to come too soon and have this exquisite pleasure over, he simply held Ezra steady, revelling in the incredible warmth and unbelievable tightness of the body above him.
For several moments, the only sound in the sunlit room was of deep, concentrated breathing. Eventually, Buck let go of one hip, his fingers tracking a shaky path up to Ezra's jaw, then down the centre of his chest, stroking the smooth, warm skin, the flat planes and smooth rise of muscle and sinew, the line of dark hair that ran from Ezra's navel, until they connected with the newly- risen, burning skin of his shaft.
"No!" Ezra shouted suddenly, eyes squeezed shut. Buck stopped instantly.
"You okay?"
A brief nod. Words fighting to get out of an emotion- constricted throat. "Not yet. not this time. Not before you." He rocked forward, taking some of his weight back on shaking thigh muscles, rising a few inches before slamming back down.
Buck groaned loudly. "Won't take long, you keep doin' that." he ground out, feeling the pulsing heat of Ezra's balls against his groin. Ezra opened his eyes and smiled, then slowly repeated the action, overdoing the upstroke and almost losing contact completely, this time eliciting a gasp.
"More?"
Now it was Buck who nodded, finally beginning to let go of the tight rein he had held on himself, the need for movement, for friction, building beyond where he could restrain it.
"You gotta ask?" he teased, but the laugh degenerated into a soft moan of pleasure. "Oh God, yes..."
He thrust upwards, and it took only a couple of strokes before they fell into rhythm this time, long, smooth and hot, building quickly to breath-stealing intensity and speed. Ezra watched almost mesmerised as the muscles in Buck's arms and chest tightened, the flush of arousal painted between his collar bones, and simply surrendered to him, allowing Buck to take this wherever he wanted.
Ezra's thigh muscles were burning, but he couldn't stop. Thrusting down to meet Buck's every upward stroke, harder and harder as Buck's back began to arch off the bed, changing position just enough to connect again with that spot inside Ezra that flashed bone- melting pleasure into every nerve ending.
Buck was close - too close now, no hope of holding back any longer. Sliding one hand around Ezra's cock he began to pump in time with his own arcing spasms, his eyes wide with pleasure at the wild, uncontrolled beauty of Ezra above him. That look was his undoing and the volcano he had been holding on to suddenly erupted, contracting his muscles as tremor after tremor of orgasm rippled through him, only to be heightened even further when he heard Ezra utter a muted yell of release and felt the rush of hot seed on his chest.
Neither of them could breathe for a few seconds. Everything seemed to freeze into a moment of completeness that neither of them were willing to let go. Suddenly Ezra drew a breath and in the same instant, his body seemed to become boneless. He pitched forwards, only to be caught and pulled onto Buck's chest, summoning only enough movement to disengage himself in a rush of wetness.
It took a long time before pounding circulation could spare enough oxygen for words, for either of them.
With supreme effort, Ezra raised his head and smiled down at Buck. "Better that time?"
Buck laughed. "Matched pair, Slick," he said with a wink.
Ezra rolled off him with a grunt, snuggling into a shoulder. "I've come to the conclusion that you do," he said into the warm, damp skin of Buck's neck, stifling a yawn.
"I do what?"
"Have reason to be conceited."
Buck regarded him with a smile of pure, shining pleasure. Ezra was so tired, he could only manage a small smile into that gaze. That dark, deep, beautiful gaze. Like midnight. His eyes fluttered closed.
He didn't need to fight it any more.
~The End~
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