Chris sat with his new cell phone in his hand. He needed to call Ezra and tell him about the phone call from Beddlington. He needed to know how Buck was doing, now that he was away from Chris, J.D., and the horrors he had faced at the hands of Lucas Beddlington. He had convinced J.D. to come out to the ranch with him instead of going back to the loft. The blood still stained most of Buck’s bedroom and J.D. needed to be with someone, not alone in a blood splattered condo by himself. J.D. had again asked Chris what he thought Beddlington had meant by "lusty performance" but Chris had no answer for him. Chris didn’t want to think about the words that Beddlington had burned into his mind. He sure as hell didn’t want to discuss them with J.D. or anyone else, for that matter. He made up his mind, then and there, not to mention Beddlington’s statement to Ezra. He would tell Ezra about the poison so that he could get medical treatment for Buck, but the rest was not necessary.

J.D. was downstairs, trying to get his mind off of things for a while with a Steven Segal movie but Chris doubted he could tell anyone the plot. J.D. had tried so many different ideas out on the computer but he had come up dry as had Vin and Josiah. It wasn’t until eight o’clock that Chris had gotten all of them to go home for some much needed sleep. He knew he wouldn’t be getting much sleep and he doubted if the others would either but at least they could try for a few hours. He wondered if Ezra was getting any sleep. Probably not. He took a deep breath and called Ezra’s number.

"Yes, Mr. Larabee."

"Hi, Ezra. How did the day go?"

"We traveled quite a distance. He sat up in the front seat with me today. He was quiet but he at least showed some interest in our travels. The pain seemed to be somewhat diminished but then he never really complains. Mr. Larabee, I doubt if even Satan himself could have devised a more abominable torture for our friend than this monster did. He has taken away our loveable rogue and I, for one, will go to my grave loathing Lucas Beddlington."

Chris smiled slightly to himself. "I hate to change your opinion of the monster but…. Ez, it got worse today." Chris paused, emotion gripping his throat, making it impossible to say any more. He cleared his throat twice and then he managed to continue. "He called. He wanted to make sure we knew that the serum he had injected Buck with was a slow acting poison. Nathan agreed. He probably only has a week or two unless we can come up with an antidote. Nathan sent everything he had to the FBI lab this afternoon. We have to pray that they can help. I don’t know how you are going to do it but you’ve got to get him to a doctor, Ez. Maybe a doctor can keep him going until we get the antidote."

There was silence on the other end of the line and Chris wondered if Ezra had heard him. Damn cell phones! He tried again. "Ezra, did you hear me say that he needs a doctor?"

"Yes, Chris, I did. The problem is hospitals have computers and can be tapped in to. I also have a very stubborn man to deal with. When he finds out that it was you that suggested he go to a doctor, he will refuse. He considers you a part of the plot against him, I’m afraid. He has not said much but he is terrified of you as well as Beddlington."

"Yeah, I gathered that, Ez. I don’t know what it is I supposedly did, but I think Buck needs to be left alone by me and the rest of us. Do what you can. I trust you to take care of him."

"Thank you for that vote of confidence, Mr. Larabee. I shall do whatever it takes to procure him medical attention. We should reach our destination tomorrow afternoon. I shall contact you at that time. Good night."

Ezra sat and thought about the information that his boss and friend had just passed on to him. He reached for the telephone and called Chester McKenzie one more time. A short while later, his ‘Uncle’ Chester called back. He had arranged for Ezra to take Buck to a private clinic where a good friend of his, Dr. Winston Cavanaugh, would exam him. Chester said that Dr. Cavanaugh was one of the best doctors in Greenville and he would gladly take care of Buck. Chester had clued Dr. Cavanaugh in on the fact that Ezra and Buck were ATF agents and that Buck had been abducted and tortured. He gave Ezra explicit directions to the clinic and then bid him good luck. As Ezra lay down beside Buck to sleep, he felt quite a bit better.

Wednesday 1:43 PM EDT

Ezra pulled into the parking lot of the private clinic owned by Dr. Winston Cavanaugh. He parked and breathed a sigh of relief. He quickly checked on Buck who was lying on the bed in the back of the van. Buck was sleeping restlessly but Ezra made the decision to leave him for a few minutes and go inside to get help. Four hours earlier, Buck had been sitting in the passenger seat. He had been quiet all day which was not unusual lately but Ezra kept glancing Buck’s way for his face seemed flushed. When Buck finally spoke it was to tell Ezra that he was going to go lay down in the back. Ezra pulled the van over immediately. He reached over to help his friend into the back and found that Buck was burning up with a fever. He had no way of knowing how high the fever actually was but he knew it was high enough that it had to be addressed as quickly as possible. He made Buck as comfortable as he could in the bed and then he sped toward Greenville. He had arrived about an hour before he had expected to be there. Now he stood before the receptionist and waited.

"Yes sir, may I help you?" the young woman asked pleasantly.

"I need to see Dr. Cavanaugh immediately." Ezra was losing patience fast.

"I’m sorry sir, he’s seeing patients at this time. Unless you have an appointment . . ."

"Young lady, get the doctor now!" Ezra cut her off. "Tell him it is Mr. Standish and friend, the ones Mr. McKenzie called him about last night." He glared at the girl until she got up and went into the back rooms. She came back a minute later. "Will you come with me, please."

She led him to Dr. Cavanaugh’s office. Ezra walked in to a plush office done in walnut. A leather couch sat against on wall while the large desk took up a third of the room. A small bathroom was just to the left. The rest of the room contained file cabinets. It had the look of an important person who actually worked. He made himself sit although he wanted to run back out to the van to check on Buck .

Several minutes later, a portly man in his early fifties walked into the room. He had a gentle face, gray hair and glasses. He smiled at Ezra and extended his hand. "I’m Dr. Cavanaugh. Chester called me last night and briefly explained the situation. I’ll do anything I can for your friend. It sounds like he’s been through a very rough time. Why don’t you sit and tell me about the problems he’s experiencing?" He turned to his assistant who had also come into the room. "Sylvia, spread the rest of my patients among the other doctors. Explain to them that an emergency came up. Then tell Glen to get the ultrasound and x-ray warmed up. Tell the lab that the blood and urine work ups that I give them in a few minutes will be top priority. I want them done ASAP. Get Exam room 1 ready and then accompany Mr. Standish out to get his friend."

"Yes sir." She turned to Ezra, "Can he walk or does he need a wheelchair?"

"A wheelchair."

"I will meet you by the back door when you are ready." She left to do the doctor’s bidding.

"Now, Mr. Standish, if you will tell me about his symptoms."

"Doctor, we are AFT agents. My partner was abducted and held prisoner for eight days. He was injected with a slow acting poison that caused extreme pain. None of the labs have ever seen anything like the serum that was used. It has caused blindness already. What other damage has been done, well, he wouldn’t let anyone examine him before. I had to kidnap him from the hospital in Denver because the mad man that took him got to him again while he was in the hospital. We have been on the road for three days. He was better yesterday but then today, he developed a fever. He is very weak. While he was missing, I believe that he was brain washed and… Dr. Cavanaugh, I believe that my friend was sexually assaulted. He has terrible nightmares and there was bruising by his waist and thighs. He has not opened up at all about what actually happened to him."

The doctor nodded sympathetically. He came around the desk and sat on it in front of Ezra. "We will be as gentle and as thorough as we can be. We are pretty well set up here as far as testing goes. When I moved here from Atlanta, I wanted a place of my own with out the red tape and bureaucratic nonsense. I was head of internal medicine at one of the big hospitals there. We will do what we can for your friend. By the way, his name is?"

"Buck Wilmington. Dr. Cavanaugh, he’s scared to death. You will probably need to sedate him to even get near him. May I stay by his side while you do your work?"

"Of course. Let’s get to it. Sylvia will assist you in bringing him inside."

Wednesday 3:59 PM MDT

J.D. sat at his desk trying to find something to go on to find Lucas Beddlington, Kindra James, or Chico Martinez. It was like none of them existed. Obviously, they all did their daily business under aliases. If he could just figure out what those other identities might be. He looked up to see a woman standing before his desk. He was startled but quickly collected himself.

"Can I help you, ma’am? Who are you looking for?" He got up and moved around his desk. He offered her a chair. She looked frightened and he tried to ease her mind. "Can I get you anything, a cup of coffee or a Coke?"

She shook her head and sat in the chair. She studied her hands and didn’t say anything for quite a while. As impatient as J.D. normally was, he waited for her to speak. He studied her as he waited. She was probably around thirty but it was obvious that she had lived a hard life on the streets. She was dressed casually in jeans and a sweatshirt but she had on thick make up. Her hair was dyed an unnatural blonde-white and she wore it up, off of her neck. She was thin, almost skinny, and she had the look of a frightened animal.

Finally, she looked up at the young ATF agent. "Do you work with Buck?"

"I live with him too. Is this something you want to discuss with him because he’s not here right now? Can I be of assistance?"

"I heard through the grapevine that he’d been kidnapped. Is that true?" She spoke very quietly and J.D. had to listen carefully to every word she said.

"Yes."

"Was Kindra James involved?" She looked J.D. directly in the eye.

He knelt down before her, his heart racing. "We think so. Do you know her? Do you know where she lives?" He held his breath.

"Yeah, I know her. We started out in the same house together. We were both young kids back then. She hooked up with Beddlington and I never saw her again on the streets. You must be Buck’s young friend. He talks about you a lot."

J.D. put his hand on the woman’s shoulder. "Why don’t we get that cup of coffee and talk some place a little more private?" Although everyone else was out of the office, combing the streets right now, he felt she would be more comfortable in the break room where he could sit beside her and they could share a cup of bad coffee.

They moved into the break room and settled themselves at the table. J.D. set a cup in front of her and poured the strong smelling brew. He sat beside her and took her hand in his. "How do you know Buck, Miss…?"

"Tanya," she sipped her coffee. "I met Buck a long time ago. He was still with the police back then. He let me go one night, didn’t want to take me in for solicitin’. He used ta do that for a lot of the girls. He’s a rare one, he is. All the girls love him to pieces. He’s fair, kind and he respects us as human beings. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do." He smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Anyways, I heard yesterday that you guys were lookin’ for Kindra. I work at a little dress shop, deliverin’ things for the rich, runnin’ errands and such. One day I delivered a dress to a mansion outside of town. The name didn’t mean a thing to me but then I saw her out by the pool. It was Kindra, I’m sure of it. I think I could take you there but I don’t remember the address. Would that help Buck?"

"You don’t know how much, Tanya. You just might save his life. I need to make one phone call and then we’ll go, okay?"

Tanya smiled and nodded her consent.

Wednesday 7:19 PM MDT

"J.D., we have to have something more to go on than just her word that she thinks she saw Kindra James, a person she hadn’t seen in twelve years, out by the swimming pool when she was at the front door! We are not going to get a search warrant based on just this woman’s information." Chris was trying to rein in his young agent’s zealousness. He, himself, would like to go and break into the mansion out in the hills outside of Denver. But they simply did not have enough information. This was the first important lead they’d had so far in the abduction and they were all eager to jump head first. Chris wanted the arrest to stick like crazy glue when they did make their move. He needed more to go on.

"Chris, Tanya knows the James woman! She’s the first person we’ve come up with that knows her and Tanya was sure that Kindra was the one she saw. The mansion is just what Beddlington would want, stuck away out in the hills, where no one would observe his coming and going. Hell, I’m not sure we could do any surveillance out there. He’d be suspicious of any cars or trucks in the area. We got to act now, Chris! Buck’s life depends on it!" J.D. stood toe to toe with his boss, any deference he usually had for the man he looked up to as a hero, was gone. His ‘brother’ was dying and the man J.D. had thought was his best friend, was talking about search warrants and technicalities. His temper flared. "God dammit, Chris, do you want Buck to die while we sit on our asses? Do you hate him that much for keeping you alive?"

Chris’s green eyes turned dark and he grabbed J.D. by the collar of his shirt. His fist was ready to strike the young man’s face. Something in him held it back but he was trembling with the effort. Veins popped out on his forehead and his face grew red. With raw anger, he spit out at the kid in front of him, "Don’t you ever say that again, you little prick! That man is family to me and I would do anything to protect him. You have no idea what this is doing to me. If I could, I would pour a gallon of that damn poison down Beddlington’s throat and watch him writhe in pain from it. But someone has to keep their head in this case and it sure isn’t you!" He shoved J.D. back against the door of his office. In a tone so low that only J.D. could have heard what was being said, Chris growled, "You don’t know what Buck means to me. None of you do. Stay out of my face until you can prove that Beddlington lives there."

Just then, Josiah walked in. He stood to the side of both men, not taking sides. He had heard J.D.’s comment from down the hall and he had cringed. The boy just couldn’t control himself when it came to Buck. Why couldn’t J.D. see the special bond that held Chris and Buck together? Josiah had been a criminal psychologist for fifteen years now, three with this team. He was one of the best profilers in the business. It was the reason that Chris had chosen Josiah for the team. He studied people constantly, not just criminals. Even to this day, he marveled at the relationship between his two friends. Theirs was so complex a rapport that even the two of them could not tell you what kept them at each other’s side. But deep down in their souls they were bound to each other and nothing but death could pull them apart. The introduction of Vin to Chris’s life and the entrance of young J.D. to Buck’s, did not break the bond that had been sealed in the years before and after Sarah Larabee. The blood that flowed through their veins might not be from the same parents but the two men were brothers in every other way imaginable.

"That’s enough, you two. We have another lead. Vin and Nathan are staking the place out. If you sit down like good boys, I’ll tell you about it." Josiah never raised his voice. It was merely a statement of fact.

Chris glared a second or two longer at J.D. and then he let go with a slight shove to make sure his point was impressed on the young man. He made his way around his desk and sat heavily in his chair. His fingers slid through his hair and he looked at Josiah, waiting. J.D. was still angry but he held his tongue as he too sat down and looked expectantly at Josiah.

Josiah sat on the couch. He looked at the two men in front of him who loved Buck Wilmington as more than a friend. He was the family that neither man had and they were scared to death of losing him. They should be comforting each other, not accusing the other of not caring. He shook his head but didn’t make a comment on their behavior. "Nathan found a man at a gay bar who knows Martinez. He’s been intimate with the gorilla. He says Martinez is cruel, ruthless, and totally devoted to Lucas Beddlington. He says the man has no scruples and will do whatever Beddlington tells him to do. But, he has a weakness. He likes young men and about twice a week he goes on the prowl for them. Evidently, the man is huge and one time is enough for any man he happens to convince to do it with him. He usually is brutal and this Benito we talked to, got hurt pretty bad. He doesn’t care for our friend Chico at all. Anyway, Benito says Martinez likes to hang out at Dooley’s on Foster. Vin and Nathan are down there now, waiting to see if Martinez shows up. I know it’s a long shot but . . ."

"Hey, at this point I’ll take anything. Go on back down there and help them out. Josiah, make sure he doesn’t see any of you. J.D., get on that computer of yours and find out any information you can on that house. I want to know who sold the land, who built the house, and most important, who lives there."

SIX

Wednesday 11:47 PM EDT

Ezra sat in the recliner he had pulled out of the living room and into the master bedroom. He gazed at the man that slept in the bed beside him. It had been an awful day and the future looked even worse. Ezra had been optimistic when he had met Dr. Winston Cavanaugh. He had liked the man right away and observing him work with Buck, he had gained a respect he gave few doctors. The problem wasn’t with the doctor but with what the doctor had to report. He had pulled Ezra aside and told him that they were going to sedate Buck completely to do the exam for the sexual assault. Buck had refused to let them exam him any further and anything Ezra had to say just seemed to make it worse. Ezra had given permission for the doctor to go ahead and he waited impatiently in Dr. Cavanaugh’s office. When Dr. Cavanaugh came in about an hour later, he looked grim. There was a sadness in his eyes that foretold the truth.

"He was injured quite extensively. We repaired everything, I believe, but there was a massive infection that we are still going to have to deal with. I’ll give you antibiotics for him along with pain killers and sedatives. Mr. Standish, we have the lab results back. Do you want me to wait and go over them with the both of you when he awakens?" Dr. Cavanaugh sat on his desk in front of Ezra, papers in his hand.

From the look on his face, Ezra knew the news wasn’t good. "I think I should know what’s in the reports now so I’m prepared to help him through it all. He’s in a very fragile state of mind right now. You see, he thinks his two best friends are the ones who raped him. Of course, it’s not true, but the madman who kidnapped him somehow got him to believe it. He may give up on life and I, for one, am not ready to let him go. His friends and I want to keep him alive until they can come up with the antidote. Can you help us do that, Doctor?"

"I don’t know, Mr. Standish. His kidneys have already shut down. I believe his spleen is gone too. His liver is at about fifty per cent. Once it goes, he’ll sink into a coma and die shortly afterwards. This poison seems to be working it’s way through his system and I can’t predict where it will strike next. I wish I could be of more help but the prognosis is very grim. He has no more than five days. I have called in a favor and the hospital down the street will take him tonight for a dialysis treatment. It will clean the toxins out his blood. It’s the toxins that are making him so weak. Hopefully, the dialysis will prolong his life for a day or two more. Maybe the researchers can find something by then."

Ezra had been stunned by the doctor’s words. Five days! That was all the time that Buck had left? It couldn’t be true! There had to be something more that the doctor could do for his friend. He had promised the others that he would keep Buck safe and here he was, letting him die. Ezra hung his head, the tears spilling down his cheeks. He shook his head and felt the grip of despair grab his heart.

"Would you excuse me for a few minutes, Dr. Cavanaugh? I need to get a breath of air." He arose and ran out of the office, out of the clinic, and into the rear yard. The sun was setting and Ezra Standish sat on a bench and cried. He couldn’t remember ever crying like this before. He couldn’t remember having a reason to cry like this before, for he had never had a friend or a family to care about before in his entire life. He doubted if his mother’s passing would affect him so. Why? Why would God finally give him a family and then yank it away from him so cruelly? And why did it have to be this man of them all that was going to die? When he had arrived in Denver and had been taken in by Chris Larabee, it was Buck Wilmington that had greeted him without rancor or doubt. It was Buck Wilmington that had come to his defense in front of the others when they learned about his past history in Atlanta. It was Buck Wilmington that opened the door and allowed Ezra to finally find a home. And he had done the same for J.D., Nathan, and even, Vin. Buck was the reason the team had been formed for he was the sole reason Chris Larabee was still in law enforcement. Hell, he was the reason Chris was still alive. Buck was the one that kept Chris from self destructing time and time again. Buck, with the heart of gold, was the one who was willing to sacrifice himself for the benefit of any of the others. Could any of the rest of them say that? Of course, the others would step in front of a bullet, sacrifice their life for any of their family, but Buck was the one that would sacrifice his soul, his entire being, for them. He had proven that with Chris and with J.D.. And with me, Ezra thought.

When darkness took over the sky, Ezra went back inside. He had composed himself and he was ready to help Buck with the news that Dr. Cavanaugh was about to break to him. He stood behind Buck, his hands on the big man’s shoulders, while the doctor told Buck his prognosis. He held him tight while the words sank in and his friend started to shudder with the magnitude of the situation. Buck didn’t cry. He merely withdrew until there was nothing left of the man that Ezra cared for. He never asked a question, he never uttered a word. They went to the hospital and straight to the dialysis lab. Dr. Cavanaugh had taken care of the paperwork. During the time at the hospital, Buck never spoke. During the ride to the cabin, Buck never said one word. Ezra helped him into the magnificent house and he asked to go right to bed. Buck didn’t want to eat, he didn’t want to talk. He had given up on life and nothing Ezra could think of was going to bring him back.

Now Ezra sat beside him, waiting for the nightmares to begin. They came every night, stealing into his subconscious, working their way into his dreams, making him scream out with the sheer terror they brought back to him. Now was when Buck called for his oldest friend. He begged Chris to take him away from the pain and suffering. He begged Chris to make J.D. stop. He begged Chris to forgive him for the deaths of Sarah and Adam Larabee. He begged Chris for help. It was the same night after night. Ezra would try to awaken Buck. He would attempt to comfort his friend, to chase away the demons that haunted him, but Buck would pull away. The mere touch of a hand would send him frantically scurrying into a corner, his hands over his head in a vain attempt to protect himself from the pain he knew was sure to follow. Ezra would talk to him in hushed tones until Buck would finally awaken and allow the other man to lead him back to the bed where he would gasp for air for interminable minutes and then sink back into oblivion for a short respite from reality. Only to be awakened again by the haunting dreams.

Ezra closed his eyes. He was exhausted, drained both physically and emotionally. He had very little left but what he did have belonged to Buck. He drifted off to sleep.

"No Chris please, please, make him stop. I’m sorry, Chris, I’m so sorry. I know it’s my fault but I can’t change it now. Please, don’t let him hurt me anymore, Chris! CHRRIIISSS!!!"

Buck sat upright in bed, flailing with his arms in an effort to rid himself of the pain and torment that Lucas Beddlington had assaulted him with. He saw his oldest friend glaring at him, telling him he deserved everything he got. He felt his "little brother" tearing his insides, ripping apart the tender flesh. He heard J.D. moaning his release into his body, the words of appreciation that came as he finally stopped the assault. And then Chris whispering right in his ear, "It’s your fault. You’re guilty and you deserve to be punished. I have no more use for you, Buck." And then the laughter, both Chris and J.D., as they left him there, tied and defenseless.

"NOOOOO!"

Ezra was at his side, "Shhhh. It’s all right, Buck, just wake up. Nobody’s going to hurt you now. It’s all right. Shhhh. Hush now, hush. It’s just me, Ezra. You’re all right. You’re safe, no one else is here. Shhhh. Shhhh." In quiet tones, a thick Southern accent, Ezra beseeched the loveable rogue to come out of his hysteria.

Buck’s eyes flew open but there was no recognition in them. He was still seeing what his mind’s eye told him was the truth. He was seeing the two people closest to him betraying him, hurting him in ways that he would never even wish upon his worst enemy. He saw J.D. grab him from behind, squeezing his thighs and pulling him close so that he could ram his organ into unprepared flesh, ripping open wounds that would never heal. He saw Chris standing beside him, sneering at him while encouraging the young man to take command, enjoy himself. Go for the gusto, he had said, and then Chris had laughed. And Buck had begged for an end to it all. He had wanted to die right there, tied to that table, because he had been totally destroyed by the actions of his brothers. But that was not to be. They had repeated the process, the pain ten times worse the second time but the words were the same. The laughing was the same. Chris’s expressions of guilt and retribution were the same. And that time, the second time, Buck had withered inside, his heart so broken that the thought of living was not a part of him anymore. He had died then and there, tied hand and foot to the small table, totally helpless, torn asunder by his loved ones.

Ezra had no idea what had actually happened to Buck. He could only speculate, since he had never been traumatized in the same manner. He knew, for some reason, that Buck thought Chris and J.D. were responsible for the sexual assault on him but he didn’t know the extent of the pain, both physical and mental, that Buck had endured that night in the cold, stark, basement room. This nightmare had a grip so powerful on Buck that Ezra was afraid he may never wake up. He sat on the bed and with both hands, he gripped Buck’s shoulders, shaking hard to get the man’s attention. Buck fought back but Ezra would not let go. After what seemed an hour, but was probably only minutes, Buck stopped fighting and sat silent in the middle of the bed. He gasped for air and Ezra, who still had a grip on his shoulders, pulled him close. Buck didn’t fight him and eventually, nestled closer into the warmth and comfort the hug provided.

"Please tell me about it, Buck. I want to understand what happened to you. It might help you to get it out in the open, to have someone share it with you." Ezra continued to hold him but he felt the body tighten, pulling back away from him.

"You know what happened? The doctor told you?" Buck whispered accusingly.

Ezra released him and sighed. "The doctor confirmed what I already knew. I know you were assaulted by Beddlington and that he hurt you terribly but I don’t know the suffering you endured during that week in hell. It might help you to tell someone."

"I’m dying Ez, it won’t help to lay this on you. Just forget it. Why don’t you just go back to Denver and leave me be. I don’t want to deal with this anymore. Just go, forget about me. I’m sure the others have." He lay back down and curled in his ball, turning away from Ezra.

Ezra was taken aback. He couldn’t let Buck give up and die. He had to fight to live or he would never make it through this ordeal. "Nobody is giving up on you, but you, Mr. Wilmington! You have six men who would gladly take your place if they could. The others are working day and night to find a cure for you. Don’t you ever think otherwise! We are going to see you through this and you and I are going to go back to Denver together, do you hear me?" Ezra yelled at the prone man.

"I’m not worth the effort, Ez. Just ask Chris. He’ll tell you what a piece of shit I am. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t deal with the hurt in his eyes any longer. I can’t bring them back to him. Maybe, if I’m gone, he can start to forget. He’s got Vin now. He doesn’t need me. He’s got Vin."

"What about J.D., Buck? He needs you."

"No, he’s got Casey and the rest of you. He don’t need a washed up ol’ has been like me. Hell, Ez, nobody wants me around. I just screw up everybody’s life. The team will be better off without me. I’m tired, Ez. Leave me be."

Ezra felt the tears start down his cheeks. He felt the fear gripping his heart and he had to do something right now or loose his friend forever. In hushed tones, he said, "You have no idea just how special you are, do you? Do you know that you have the biggest heart and the most open arms of any person I’ve ever known? Do you know that everyone loves you, admires you for your ability to see people for just who they are? You are the only person I know that takes a person for what they are right now. You completely ignore the baggage that comes with all people. You let them start fresh and judge them for what they are now, not the mistakes they may have made in the past. You brighten up the darkest of days and your view of the world and life can open doors that had been thought closed for good. I should know, Buck, you did that for me."

"And look at all that you have done for J.D.. You took an orphaned geek and made him into a man that all of us are proud of. He’s a good boy with a good head on his shoulders and it’s because of you, his big brother, Buck. Look at the way you accepted Vin into our group. Any one else would have shunned him, been angry that he came in and took over your spot at Chris’s side but you just moved over and made room for him like it was a natural progression."

"And look at what you have done for our esteemed leader. Where would Chris be now if not for you? He’d be in a grave beside his wife and son if not for you. It was NOT your fault that they died. Get that through your head right now. You took a man who was broken and you made him whole again. YOU did that, no one else, not Vin, not the team, it was you, Buck. You are still sacrificing yourself for Chris. We watch the two of you and thank God every day, that you are there to buffer the storm for us. Believe me, my friend, if it wasn’t for you, none of us would stick around the Larabee storm."

"So don’t you dare say that we would be better off without you. We would drift apart and die inside without you. You don’t screw up anyone’s life. You bring sunshine into the lives of all who know you. That’s why the women love you Buck. It’s not the sex or your "animal magnetism". It’s your heart that they love and I bet there are dozens of women who would gladly be Mrs. Wilmington if you chose them. The fairer sex has a big advantage on us men. They can see inside you long before we realize just what kind of man you are. They know just how special you are."

Ezra decided to shift his approach and maybe get Buck to talk about his ordeal. "And what makes you think that Chris and J.D. would do something as horrible as you think they did? Look inside yourself, Buck, and see the whole situation with your heart. You know that they didn’t do this to you! It was Beddlington, Buck, and no on else! He and his cohorts abducted you, kept you prisoner, and tortured you. He brainwashed you into thinking that Chris and J.D. were there but they weren’t, dammit. We were turned inside out with worry over you and Chris, well, he was just a walking zombie. Beddlington was playing mind games with Chris, too. I’m not saying it was as devastating as what you went through, but Chris was dying right along with you. I want you to get that through your head, Mr. Wilmington, it was NOT Chris or J.D. in that room with you!" By the end, Ezra was standing and yelling at the man who lay so still on the bed.

The silence was deafening. Buck lay motionless, curled in his tight fetal position, blocking out the world that had let him down. Ezra stood by the bed, wanting to reach out and hold his friend but knowing that Buck would only withdraw more if he tried. He had to wait him out but it was killing him to do so.

"How do I know that it’s you here with me, Ez? I can’t see you. How do I know that it’s really Ezra Standish in this room?" The sound of his voice reminded Ezra of grass that blows dry in the winter.

Ezra knew it was a trap and he carefully answered, "Because you know me. Your heart tells you it’s me. You hear my voice, my words and tone. You know my feel around you. You know it’s me."

"And you think I don’t know Chris and J.D. the same way? I know the way Chris and J.D. sound, the way their minds work and the phrases they use. I’ve seen the Chris Larabee that hurts people, you haven’t. And I know that J.D. would do just about anything to please Chris. They were there, Ez. You just don’t know what they did or how they laughed about it. You can’t know how it . . . felt." Buck’s whole body was shaking with the sobs.

Ezra sat behind his friend and ran his hand through Buck’s hair. "Why don’t you tell me?" He waited, soothing his fallen comrade as best as he could.

With a ragged breath, Buck whispered, "They tied me to a table. I . . .couldn’t move. The pain in my chest and stomach was bad, I threw up on the floor. I didn’t hear anything for the longest time and then, I heard the two of them come in. I felt the hands on my . . . I struggled to break free but I couldn’t. That’s when I heard Chris. He whispered in my ear, "Now you pay for Sarah and Adam." I didn’t know what to think. I begged him to release me. He . . .laughed and then I heard J.D. asking what he should do." Buck stopped. He couldn’t breath. He felt Ezra’s head as it gently touched his. He felt Ezra’s hand grip his shoulder and it was comforting to him. Gradually, he stopped gasping for air, and he continued. "Chris said, "Just go for it, kid". That’s when I felt the hands grip my waist. I heard J.D. say "We’re going to have so much fun, Buck" and the . . . I begged him to stop. I begged Chris to make him stop. I told Chris I was sorry for Sarah, but he told J.D. he had to put some muscle into it, and then . . . and then I heard J.D. moaning and grunting . . ." The tortured soul couldn’t go on. He lay there sweating and sobbing into the pillow that he clutched tight against his chest.

"I am so sorry my friend. I didn’t know you were treated so savagely. How can I . . . What can I do?" Ezra said, not moving away.

Between sobs, Buck answered, "Just let me go. I don’t want to . . .think . . .about it . . anymore. They hurt me, Ez. It hurt so bad and they did it . . . again. Oh God, Ez, why did they hurt me? Why did J.D. hurt me so bad. Why, Chris, why? I’m sorry Chris, I’m so sorry. Please make him stop, Chris, please. Oh, God, don’t do it. Please, just let me go. Ezra, Ezra, make them stop. Make them stop . . ." He fought for breath, struggling to get air into his lungs. He could tell Ezra was trying to get him to sit up and Buck let him move his body. It was easier to pull air into his body when he sat up and finally, he relaxed a bit and leaned back against Ezra’s body. He was still shuddering with giants sobs. Ezra gently began rocking back and forth and Buck relaxed with the motion. Ezra laid him back down and left him, only to return a moment later with a glass of water and some pills.

"Here, swallow these." He put the pills in Buck’s mouth and then held the water glass up to his lips. Buck drank thirstily. When the water was gone, he laid his head down and Ezra stroked his hair. "It’s all right now, Buck. The pills will help you sleep. No more nightmares tonight, my friend. Just oblivion. You rest now, Buck. I’ll stay right here. Don’t worry, nothing will harm you tonight. Shhhh. It’s all right now. Shhhh."

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