Disclaimers: No profit recieved. This story is based on the television series The Magnificent Seven. No infringement upon the copyrights held by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, The Mirisch Corp. or any others involved with that production is intended.
Warning: slightly disturbing (I hope)
Acknowledgements: Thank you Mog for creating this AU
Note: If you want to add on to this story, feel free, just let me know.
Part of the Solitudes series.
I found out Im a psychopath today, or a potential one anyway. Josiah was describing what it was like inside their heads and I found it disturbingly familiar. Its why Im so careful with animals. Always in the back of my head is a feeling - the knowledge of how easy it would be to fracture the fragile spark of life moving under my hands. Instincts must be overvalued cause they like me OK too. And Ms. Fernando always wondered why I wouldnt touch her baby.
I like my teammates, theyre like the family I never had. Bucks like a brother to me, and I cant imagine how horrible it would be to see him look at me with disappointment in his eyes. So I try, but Dear Diary, sometimes its so hard. They trust me so much. It was Ezra today. He was cuffing a criminal, oblivious to the fact that I was standing behind him, a loaded weapon caressing my palm. Not that I would have gotten away with it, there are agents everywhere. But then, getting away with it was never the point. I can still see it in my minds eye. The blood flowing across the cold cement floor, his body the point of a garish exclamation mark.
His instincts cant be any good either, cause he didnt even look up.
Still, Ive lived for years now, armed with a weapon that requires only instants to kill, and never once crossed the line.
And so Dear Diary I shall continue to play this Russian Roulette with the lives of those I hold dear and pray I never go off. Or that if I do the muzzle of my gun is pointed at no-one else.
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