Dear Diary

by Hercat

Disclaimers: No profit recieved. This story is based on the television series The Magnificent Seven. No infringement upon the copyrights held by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, The Mirisch Corp. or any others involved with that production is intended.

Warning: slightly disturbing (I hope)

Acknowledgements: Thank you Mog for creating this AU

Note: If you want to add on to this story, feel free, just let me know.

Part of the Solitudes series.

I found out I’m a psychopath today, or a potential one anyway. Josiah was describing what it was like inside their heads and I found it disturbingly familiar. It’s why I’m so careful with animals. Always in the back of my head is a feeling - the knowledge of how easy it would be to fracture the fragile spark of life moving under my hands. Instincts must be overvalued ‘cause they like me OK too. And Ms. Fernando always wondered why I wouldn’t touch her baby.

I like my teammates, they’re like the family I never had. Buck’s like a brother to me, and I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to see him look at me with disappointment in his eyes. So I try, but Dear Diary, sometimes it’s so hard. They trust me so much. It was Ezra today. He was cuffing a criminal, oblivious to the fact that I was standing behind him, a loaded weapon caressing my palm. Not that I would have gotten away with it, there are agents everywhere. But then, getting away with it was never the point. I can still see it in my mind’s eye. The blood flowing across the cold cement floor, his body the point of a garish exclamation mark.

His instincts can’t be any good either, ‘cause he didn’t even look up.

Still, I’ve lived for years now, armed with a weapon that requires only instants to kill, and never once crossed the line.

And so Dear Diary I shall continue to play this Russian Roulette with the lives of those I hold dear and pray I never go off. Or that if I do the muzzle of my gun is pointed at no-one else.



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