No Getting Back To Good

by Carla

Disclaimer: They still don't belong to me.

Special Thanks: To Kerry for the Beta and to Rick. Thank you both for all your thoughts, ideas, suggestions and encouragement. Thank you for helping me to turn this into the story that I really wanted it to be!!!!

Note: This story follows the events that take place in my stories From The Ride To The Fall and A Place For Me In Your Heart. This story will not make any sense, unless you read those stories first.

Size: Approx 125K

Pounding. Vin Tanner was slowly brought to awareness by the loud pounding inside his head. A pounding that was keeping time with the throbbing pain that was invading his body. He wanted to sink back into the black hole of oblivion that offered him shelter from the torment his body was giving him, but alas, it was not to be.

Vin reluctantly opened his eyes. For a brief moment a stab of fear worked its way up his spine. He bolted up in the bed, instantly regretting the move as his bruised ribs protested.

Confusion clouded the blue eyes...Shit. Where the hell am I? Last thing he remembered was getting the crap kicked out of him in a jail cell and then being rescued by Chris and the boys.

He relaxed as his sleep fogged mind lifted and he came to complete wakefulness. I'm at the ranch. I'm home at the ranch with Chris. He smiled at that. In spite of the bruises and pain, the warmth filled him. He had wanted to be back here for so long. Everything will be okay. He closed his eyes again and drifted back to sleep. Content to be where he was he softly whispered, "Home."

Pounding. Vin's eyes quickly shot open. The sound was loud and insistent. Whoever it was, they were intent on coming in. Vin heard the sound of the shower and reluctantly rolled out of bed. If he wanted the noise to stop, he'd have to let them in.

He threw on his jeans, not quite zipping them all the way. He left the button undone and didn't bother to put on his shirt. He ran his hands through his long hair, trying to bring some semblance of order to it. It was longer now, well past his shoulders. That was one benefit of bounty hunting. There were no rules. He could and did let his hair be as long and wild as he wanted it to be.

The continuous pounding on the door snapped him out of his thoughts. He quickly walked down the tiled hallway, his bare feet not making a sound. He opened the door, expecting to be greeted by the rest of Team 7. Instead, he met the smiling face of his living nightmare.

The smile died on the face in front of him as soon as the door was opened. "What the hell are you doing back here?" With a look of disgust aimed at Vin, Mary Travis brushed past him without giving him a chance to answer.

As he closed the door, Vin quietly said. "Good morning to you too...bitch."

"Hey, Vin. I have the day off so I thought we could..." Chris's voice lowered to a whisper as he took in the sight before him. The man he loved and the woman that tried her best to destroy that man stood, staring right back at him.

Mary took in the sight of Chris, standing in the middle of the hallway, wearing nothing but a towel. She then turned and raked her eyes up and down Vin's body. It was obvious to her that Vin just rolled out of bed.

Vin could not help the small smirk that played at his lips. He knew Mary had the wrong idea. He had slept at the ranch, but he was too busted up to do anything but sleep. When he looked at Mary, with her eyes cold and casting looks of disgust and contempt at him, even though he knew that she was about to explode, he still wouldn't deny himself the small bit of pleasure he felt knowing that she was on the receiving end of getting the rug pulled out from under her.

"What are you doing here, Mary?" Chris asked.

"I came to drop off the baby. Guess you forgot about that? Were you too busy doing other things to remember your own daughter?"

Damn it. Chris thought. He had been so thrilled to have Vin back home at the ranch with him, that he had forgotten the reason why he had the day off in the first place. He was supposed to take Hope for the day while Mary did some interview for her paper.

By the look on Chris's face, Mary knew that he had forgotten.

As she looked from Chris to Vin, her anger grew. Well, we'll just stop this little reunion before it even gets started.

Damn you, Vin Tanner. Why did you have to come back here?

"Where is she?" Chris asked.

"In the car with Billy. Don't bother to get her. I have no intention of letting her stay in this house as long as he is here. I won't have her exposed to this, or to him."

"Mary, we have an agreement. Just let me see Hope."

"An agreement? Yes, we had an agreement. As far as I'm concerned, it's worthless. I'm going to see my lawyer, Chris. Hope will never step foot in this house as long as he is in it. You have a daughter to consider now. It's time you got over this...this... midlife crisis."

"Mary....Damn it. Just let me explain."

"I mean it, Chris. You need to decide what is more important. Your daughter or some piece of ass."

Mary rushed passed Vin, looking past him as if he wasn't even there. She walked out of the house and headed for her car.

Vin was about to speak when Chris ran past him without even glancing at him.

"Mary. Wait. Please. It's not what you think..." Chris yelled at her stiff back in a pleading tone.

Words. They were just words, but for Vin, it was like a knife right through his heart. He walked over to the window and watched Chris and Mary. He could tell by the body language that Chris had managed to calm her down. Vin saw Mary take the baby out of the car and pass her to Chris. He couldn't miss the huge smile on Chris's face as he held his daughter. As Chris's face beamed, Vin's clouded.

It's not what you think... It's not what you think. Just what is it? Vin wanted to know. God. Chris ran past him like he wasn't even in the room. It didn't even bother Chris when Mary was being so cruel. He glanced out the window again, only to be greeted by what looked like the picture of a perfect family. He shook his head and tried to lose the horrible feeling of foreboding that he felt.

"No," he said sharply and out loud. "Everything will be okay." He slowly eased himself away from the window, acutely aware of the pain that was once again raging in his body. Only this time, the pain wasn't just physical. With his head lowered and his heart heavy, Vin acknowledged the doubts that were plaguing his whole being.

Nothing's changed. I'll never come first. I'll end up alone again... I should have never come back to this damn town. Fucked Tanner. You're fucked.

Things were not okay. He didn't know if they ever would be okay again.

Vin made his way to the kitchen and sat at the counter. He rested his head on his arms and tried to make his mind go blank. He didn't want to think about the cozy family scene that he had just witnessed. He didn't want to deal with the thoughts going through his mind, thoughts that he could not escape from.

Was I wrong? Shit, maybe Chris is wrong. Maybe I'm not what he really wants at all. Aw, hell. Maybe ya really can't go home again...

Vin was pulled from his thoughts when he heard the door close and he watched as Chris made his way to the kitchen.

"Well, that was a pleasant way to start the day," Chris said.

"Yep. I can see that Mary is still her charming old self."

Chris grinned at that. "You know how Mary is Vin. She likes to be in control. She hates surprises. Sorry, pard, but you being here was the mother of all surprises."

"So now what, Chris? Am I a problem for ya?"

Vin already knew the answer to that question. He was too honest not to admit to himself that he asked it only to avoid the questions he really wanted the answers to.

Are ya gonna give me up again? Are ya gonna realize that you don't love me enough to fight for me?

Vin looked deep into Chris' eyes. His body shivered and his heart ached. He saw the answers to his unspoken questions in those mesmerizing green eyes, and it pained him to know it.

The sound of Chris' voice brought Vin's attention back to their conversation.

".... No problem, Vin. We'll work it out."

"Okay, Chris. Whatever ya need me to do."

Chris smiled as he left the kitchen to go get dressed.

You're a coward, Tanner. Better face the truth, or it will kick your ass.

Pushing his thoughts and doubts away, deep in his mind, Vin left the kitchen to get ready to face the day.

After he was showered and dressed in a pair of sweat pants that he had to borrow from Chris, Vin went back to the kitchen and was surprised to find Ezra sitting there.

"Ah. Good morning, Mr. Tanner"

Vin spirits soared when he saw his friend. The two men had developed a close friendship over the years. It was a friendship that, to most people would seem unlikely, given that the two men didn't obviously have anything in common. People, as they often do, tended to look only at the surface and only at the differences. Vin and Ezra had found out that they had much in common as their tenuous association grew during those early months of their friendship.

The two friends both had sad and lonely childhoods. They had both learned, out of necessity, to put their trust only in themselves. They had both spent much of their lives relying only on themselves and, in fact, were both loners. They formed a kinship with each other that went beyond their places on Team 7. They both had to work long and hard at realizing that they were not alone anymore. They were a part of a family now, or they were a part of a family, that is until Chris betrayed Vin, and Vin walked away.

Guilt replaced the sparkle in his big blue eyes. He had left Denver for over a year and had never looked back. He had walked out on his life and his friends. Vin knew, at the time, that he had to leave in order to save what little was left of himself. He couldn't bear being around Chris and Mary. He couldn't stand the thought of having to see the living proof of Chris's betrayal, and Vin was horrified that he could resent an innocent child. In leaving Chris behind, he also left behind everyone else. In his heart, he knew he was wrong to do that. He knew that he owed his family a goodbye at the very least.

With guilt eating at him, he decided to try and make amends.

"Ez. I'm. I mean, I know I shoulda.... Aw, hell. I'm sorry I ran out on ya...It was wrong and I.... Hell."

Ezra started to laugh.

"Not funny, Ez. I'm tryin' to fix things."

"Vin, please do not cause yourself any undue pain on my account. I understand why you felt you had to leave. You do not owe me any explanations or apologies. Just know that I am truly ecstatic that you have returned to the fold. I have missed you, my friend."

With those few words, a weight lifted off his shoulders. His blue eyes were shining, and they told Ezra everything that Vin could not find the words to say.

"I missed ya too, Ez." Vin's smile lit up his face. "So, what brings you out here?"

"Mr. Larabee called me last night. He requested that I procure some clothing for you until you are able to reclaim your own wardrobe. Obviously, our fearless leader was hoping that I could impart my fashion savvy on your somewhat...interesting choice of attire."

Both Vin and Ezra burst out laughing. Vin felt so at peace talking with Ezra. It was so easy and natural. It was almost as if the past year had been nothing but a bad nightmare.

"Where's Chris?"

"While we were waiting for you to grace us with your presence, Mr. Larabee received a phone call. I assume it was somewhat urgent as he said he had to unexpectedly attend to some matters at his lawyer's office. Therefore, I am to present you to Assistant Director Travis in a timely manner this morning."

"Lawyer, huh?" Vin bowed his head and let out a deep sigh.

Ezra studied Vin for a moment. Ah, trouble in paradise.

"Well, let us attempt to make you presentable, and then we will begin our journey."

"Thanks, Ez."

"Any time, my friend."

TWO

Vin's meeting with A.D. Travis went much smoother than he had thought it would. Although Travis made it perfectly clear that he was very disappointed in Vin for just walking away from his job a year ago, he also made it clear that he understood Vin's reasons.

Much to Vin's relief, Travis told him that he had long ago promised himself that he would not get involved in this situation between Vin, Chris and Mary. He wanted Vin back on Team 7. As he welcomed the younger man back, he also warned him that this would be the last chance he would get at the ATF.

After Vin left Travis's office, he spent the day tracking down his belongings. When he had come back to Denver, he had been chasing a bounty. He had had no intention of staying, so he only had a suitcase full of clothes in his jeep. Now that he was seemingly falling back into his old life, he would have to have his things shipped from the storage space he had rented.

After Chris had taken Vin to the ranch the night before, one of the guys had driven Vin's jeep and left it in the parking lot right next door to the ATF offices. Vin smiled when he saw the familiar form of his beat up old jeep. He checked out the small space behind the back seats and was relieved to find his suitcase there. He figured that Chris was probably done at his lawyer's office, so he started the jeep and headed for the ranch.

As Vin pulled his jeep off of the road and up to the gates of Chris' ranch, he got that old familiar feeling of awe at the sight before him. His eyes took in the mountains standing proud, with their peaks stretching into the clouds. He looked at the sea of evergreens that stretched for miles in all directions. His eyes scanned the heavens and he was mesmerized by the clear sky as it slowly faded into dusk. The air was pure and clean and the scent of the pines and wildflowers that drifted past him on the gentle breeze was intoxicating.

Vin closed his eyes and listened to the echo of the breeze as the tree's swayed in its wake. He could make out the faint sounds of the horses on the ranch and his spirit took to the skies when he heard the sounds of a hawk in flight.

He loved it here. Most of the land surrounding the ranch was wild and untamed. It never ceased to amaze him how connected he felt to the land around him. The wilderness always seemed to call out to that which was untamed and wild in him. He had missed being here. He just didn't realize how much until now.

He took one more look at the sights around him. With a sense of peace coming over his mind and body, he pulled back on the main road and continued up to the ranch.

Vin found Chris in the kitchen standing over the table, lighting the candles that he had placed there. He had a sense of deja vu at the scene. How many nights had they shared here? How many easygoing conversations had they had over candle lit dinners? Why did he feel so nervous and ill at ease now? God. How do we get it back to good?

"Hey, Vin. Hope you don't mind, but I just picked us up some Chinese for dinner."

"You know me, Cowboy. I'll eat anything, as long as it ain't green and leafy."

Laughing, Chris said, "Yep, don't I know it? Come on and sit down. How'd it go with Travis?"

"He gave me my job back. I gotta ride my desk for a couple of weeks and he wants me to take a few classes to refresh myself on procedures. I gotta re-qualify for my weapons and then I'll be completely reinstated."

"Good." Chris reached across the table and took Vin's hand. His face lit up as he smiled into his eyes. "I'm happy for you, Vin. Nothing's been the same without you. I... we, the whole team has missed you. Guess this calls for a celebration."

Chris poured some wine into their glasses and they settled at the table and began to eat as they made small talk. When they were finished, they quickly washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.

By the time they were finished, the sky had turned to a black canvas. The stars were brilliant against the sky and the moon cast a faint glow through the windows.

There was a chill to the night air. Chris went into the living room and made his way to the fireplace. He knelt down and lit the kindling under the logs he had stacked there earlier. After the fire caught, he sat back on his heels and watched as it grew. He glanced up when a glass of wine was offered to him.

The sight of Vin standing in the moonlight took Chris' breath away. With the moon casting a glimmer of light around Vin's face and his long hair flowing past his shoulders, Vin was a beautiful sight to behold.

An angel. He looks like an angel. Chris could not bring himself to move his eyes away from Vin's face.

As the fire caused shadows to flicker throughout the room, Chris found that he was mesmerized by it all. The heat of the fire, combined with the shadows and Vin still standing in front of him surrounded by the faint light, caused his desire for Vin to surge through his body.

Chris reached for Vin's hand and pulled him down to sit in front of him. The two men stared at each other, desire visible in both their eyes.

Vin closed his eyes as he felt Chris' hand lightly graze his cheek. Warmth and desire flooded him as Chris leaned in and tenderly kissed his lips. As Chris' kisses became more passionate, Vin parted his lips and welcomed Chris' tongue as it entwined with his own.

Vin opened his eyes as Chris slowly worked the buttons on his shirt free. He felt all his doubts slip away as he looked into Chris' eyes. The want and need that he saw there fueled his own desires.

Chris looked at Vin. "Do you want this tonight, Vin?"

Vin watched as Chris licked his lips. He knew how much Chris wanted him and he felt the blush come to his face as Chris' eyes roamed all over his body.

"Yeah, Chris. I want it." His raspy voice was husky and low. The sound of it made Chris crazy with need. He slipped the shirt off of Vin's shoulders and away from his body.

Chris' kisses became more demanding as his hands slowly worked their way all over Vin's chest. His lips reluctantly left Vin's as he trailed kisses from Vin's lips to the waistband of his jeans.

Chris pulled Vin up and had him stand on his knees. He unbuttoned Vin's pants and quickly worked the zipper down. He slid the pants past the narrow hips and pushed them down to Vin's knees. He then had him lift his legs and he pulled the jeans away, leaving Vin completely naked.

Chris smiled. Vin rarely wore underwear and tonight was Chris's lucky night. He looked at Vin, naked, on his knees, his cock hard and his breath coming fast and deep. It took all of Chris's willpower not to push Vin down and take him right then and there.

Chris stood in front of Vin. "God, but you are incredible to look at. You're so beautiful, Vin."

Chris laughed as embarrassment colored Vin's body. He stared intently at Vin, committing the sight before him to his memory. Having Vin in front of him, on his knees, filled him with such overwhelming desire. Chris knew this would be a night he would never forget.

As he watched Vin, he could see that he was getting impatient just kneeling there. You're mine cowboy, and I want what's mine, Chris thought.

"Don't move, Vin. Just let me look at you for a while. It's been so long. I just want to see you for a bit."

Vin stood on his knees in silence. He was feeling a bit too exposed under Chris' steady gaze but he was excited beyond belief, knowing that he had a hold on Chris Larabee that no one else did.

Chris quickly stripped off his clothes. He couldn't wait any longer. He moved back to Vin and knelt behind him. His hands began roaming all over Vin's body again, this time stopping and pinching his nipples. The sensation caused Vin to moan and Chris lingered there pinching and rubbing and enjoying the sweet misery he was causing.

Vin moaned as Chris' hands slowly worked their way from his chest, to his stomach and then down to his hard cock.

Chris gently pulled Vin back and guided him down to the floor. Chris leaned over him and, as he stroked Vin's cock, he used his tongue to tease Vin's nipples.

Chris' tongue inched a trail down Vin's body.

"Ahhhhhh, Chris. Feels so good. Please don't stop."

The sound of Vin's voice pleading with him and the short deep breaths that were escaping from the writhing man were making Chris's cock burn with lust and need.

Chris began to gently squeeze Vin's balls as he wrapped his mouth around his cock. He moved his mouth slowly at first. Up and down. He watched Vin's face as pleasure caused his cheeks to color and his lips to curl up into a smile. Chris sucked faster and faster, taking Vin's cock deeper and deeper into his throat.

Vin was thrashing his head from side to side. "Don't stop, Chris. Don't stop...So good."

Chris knew that Vin was on the edge of climaxing. Reluctantly, he pulled away from him and smiled when he heard him groan.

"Get back up on your knees."

Vin looked into the green eyes that were watching him. He saw the fire that was burning in the depths of those eyes for him. He knew that that fire was reflected in his own eyes.

Vin eased himself back on his knees. His body tensed when he felt Chris kneel behind him. He needed Chris to touch him so badly that it almost hurt.

"Chris. Help me out here." Vin pleaded.

"I'm getting there, pard. Maybe you should just say pretty please."

"Fuck you, Larabee." Vin moaned as Chris's hands began to stroke his cock.

"I plan on fucking you," Chris said as he pushed Vin so that he was on his hands and knees. "Plan on doing that right now."

Chris reached for the oil he had brought into the room earlier. He had hoped this night would end with them making love so he had wanted to be prepared.

Chris rubbed the oil into his fingers, the he tipped the bottle and watched as the beads of oil slowly cascaded down onto Vin, the slick oil glistening around Vin's opening, inviting him to enter.

He gently pushed his finger inside Vin. As Vin pushed back and moaned, Chris pushed another finger inside and finally he pushed a third.

Chris watched Vin's body react to the sensation of his fingers moving in and out. He smiled as Vin moaned when he hit the place inside that sent waves of pleasure through his body.

Chris could not wait any longer. His cock was rock hard and he had to have Vin now. He poured the oil into his hands and stroked his cock. He grabbed Vin's hips and pushed the head of his cock against Vin's ass.

"Vin. I need to have you now."

"Take me, Chris. Take me now."

Chris slowly pushed his cock inside of Vin. He waited a few seconds until he knew Vin was ready for him to continue. He pushed himself all the way in until he felt his balls against Vin's ass. Slowly at first, and then with more and more passion, Chris pushed himself in and out of Vin's body. He stroked Vin's cock in rhythm with his own thrusts. The sound of Vin moaning and asking for Chris to go faster and harder nearly sent Chris over the edge. He stroked Vin faster.

"Chris. I'm gonna...ahhhh! Oh! God! Chrissss!!!

As soon as he felt Vin's juices spilling all over his hands, and Vin's muscles contracting around his cock, Chris let the sensations overtake him and he exploded inside Vin.

The lovers collapsed in front of the fireplace, never losing physical contact with one another.

"I love you, Vin."

"Love ya too."

Exhausted and sated, they fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.

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