Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, wish I did.
Follows Left Unsaid
Mucho thanks to my wonderful Beta readers, Sar, Kathye, and Cat. Thank you very much for all your help and suggestions.
The two men rode silently side by side, each deep in his own thoughts."JD...I..." Ezra's voice stumbled to a halt. He couldn't believe it. He still didn't know what to say to him.
"Ez?" JD touched the gamblers arm softly. Ezra closed his eyes as a wave of desire spread through his body.
Resisting the urge to pull JD from his horse and ravish him on the spot, Ezra said, "Yes?"
"We have time." JD dropped his hand.
Ezra turned to look into JD's eyes before flushing at the desire he saw smoldering in their hazel depths. Uncharacteristically flustered he blurted out, "JD, have you ever....I mean, would this be..." Damn. What was wrong with him?
JD smiled and reached over to brush his fingers over Ezra's lips before turning forward.
"Yes and no," he murmured distantly.
The gambler frowned as a pang of jealousy made his heart twinge. He kept looking forward, afraid to look at the younger man.
"It was before I came out west. Didn't really mean anything. At least not for him. We were both just curious, ya know?" JD glanced briefly at the other man for reassurance before sighing and continuing. "He was one of the other stable boys on the estate where I lived with my Ma. I don't even remember when things changed for me. All I remember is that one afternoon we were wondering what it would be like to be with a woman and how we were both afraid of doing something wrong. Somehow, we got the idea to practice on each other. When we were done..." He paused to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat before going on, "...when we were done, he ran out of the barn and I was left feeling confused..." He swallowed again before adding in a rough voice, "and wanting more." JD stared down at his saddle, lost in the past.
Ezra was silent for several minutes as they continued making their circuit around the town. He wanted to make sure that he knew what it was that he wanted to say. He couldn't let his words fail him again. Then he knew exactly what to say.
In a achingly soft voice he asked, "JD, have you ever had anyone make love to you?"
JD pulled his horse to a stop and turned to Ezra, scowling. "I just told you I did, Ez."
Ezra stopped his horse next to JD's and responded tenderly, "No. You told me that you'd had a tumble in the hay. There is a difference."
JD stared at the gambler in confusion before answering, "Then, no." He nudged his horse back into a walk. Ezra sighed with relief and gazed at the young man riding in front of him with what he was sure was a very undignified expression on his face.
The two men continued in companionable silence for awhile before JD's quiet voice broke the silence. "What about you, Ezra?"
"I've been with a few men that I've cared about. A few women, too. But none, that I've ever loved fully and without condition." Ezra looked over at JD and wished, not for the first time, that he could grab ahold of him and never let him go. As if he could hear Ezra's thoughts, JD turned to him with an expression of such longing that it nearly took his breath away.
Motioning with his dark head JD asked, "Let's stop here for a little while and rest the horses?"
Ezra nodded. The two men stopped near the watering hole and dismounted. JD took the reins from Ezra and said, "Why don't you go sit down, I'll take care of the horses."
After watering the horses and loosening their saddles, JD walked over to where Ezra was sitting. He paused to inspect the small oasis before sitting down next to the other man.
The two of them sat, enjoying being near each other, for several minutes before Ezra deliberately reached out and took JD's hand and brought it over in front of him. Holding the hand gently, he lovingly stroked the back before raising it to his lips and pressing a kiss onto JD's palm.
JD's involuntary intake of breath gave him the courage to continue. He pressed another light kiss, this time onto the inner wrist. Ezra finally turned his attention from the hand he had been caressing to his beloved's face.
Green eyes met hazel, asking silently if this was what he wanted. JD brought his head closer to Ezra's. For a moment time stopped and their world was contained in each other's eyes. Neither of them were sure who finally closed the rest of the distance between them, but it didn't really matter.
Both were swept away as they put all of their love, desire and longing into the kiss. They leisurely explored each other mouths, going back and forth, occasionally breaking away when the need for oxygen overcame them before returning again.
JD started unbuttoning Ezra's shirt with fumbling fingers. He felt Ezra's hands glide down his back to his waist, resting there for a moment before tugging his shirt out of his pants. Sliding his hands under the shirt, Ezra explored the smooth skin of JD's back.
With a small sound of triumph, JD undid the last button on Ezra's shirt and pushed it open. He pulled his mouth away to press a kiss in the hollow of Ezra's collarbone. Arching his neck to give JD better access, Ezra brought his hands up to tangle in his thick dark hair before pulling JD back up to kiss him again.
"JD," Ezra moaned as he buried his face in the younger man's shoulder. Gasping, he shuddered and tried to regain control.
"JD...love, we can't do this," he whispered, bringing his hands up to cup the beautiful face in front of him.
"Why not?" JD tried to kiss Ezra again, but the gambler turned his head slightly. "Don't you want me?" The pain in JD's voice was almost palpable.
Ezra quickly pulled JD close to him and exclaimed, "Yes! Oh, god, yes." He kissed the ear near his lips before continuing, "I want you, but I also want you to be sure that this is what you really want."
"Ezra..." JD began, but was silenced by Ezra pulling back and placing a finger on his lips.
"Hush, let me finish."
JD nodded, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, his tongue flicked out to touch the finger before he took it into his mouth and began sucking on it.
Ezra groaned and for an instant thought about giving in to his desire. But gazing into those big beautiful eyes that belonged to the man he had come to love more than life itself, he knew he had to do this right. He couldn't afford for his darling to have any regrets. This was forever.
Slowly he pulled his finger out, pausing to trace JD's lips before dropping his hand to his lap while JD lowered his head to stare at his hands.
"JD, I love you with all my heart." Ezra swallowed hard before admitting huskily, "You are my heart. I don't ever want to do anything to hurt you." He lifted JD's chin until their eyes met. "I want to do this right. Our first time together should be special. It should be a memory to be cherished."
JD gazed adoringly into sharp green eyes and in a soft voice, he said, "Ezra, if it's with you, it will be special."
The gambler saw his whole world in the man in front of him and had to close his eyes for a moment. Smiling gently, he opened his eyes before continuing, "Will you let me do this one thing for you?"
"If it's what you want..."
Clasping JD's hands in his own, Ezra raised them to his lips, kissing them both before saying, "Thank you. It will be worth it. I promise you."
Looking down at his hands still clasped in Ezra's, JD reluctantly pulled them away before standing. "I think I'll go check on our horses." He leaned down and gave his beloved a quick kiss on the head before sauntering away.
Ezra gazed after him, wondering if he'd done the right thing while he buttoned up his shirt and put his clothes in order. Running his fingers through his hair, he went to join JD by the horses.
"Hey, Ez. We'd better finish your patrol before Chris sends the others out looking for us, huh?" JD winked before throwing himself into his saddle. With an easy touch, he controlled his mount while he waited for the other man to mount up.
"We certainly would not want that." In a teasing, but slightly serious tone, Ezra added, "Mr. Larabee's timing can be most misopportune at times." He watched JD's eyes open wide in consternation before he kicked his horse into a slow canter with JD right behind him.
fin
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Continues in Cattle Rustlers