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Forever Love |
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I watched as both my lovers rode out of town to Eagle Bend to deliver some papers for Judge Travis. How was I to know that this would be the last time I would see them? For, unknown to Chris and I, our goodbye was witnessed by two of our fellow peacekeepers.
I later found out that Nathan was just getting back from an emergency with one of the Potter children and Buck was just leaving Louise's bed. When they came across one another they decided to head to the saloon for an early breakfast, and as they were cutting down one of the alleys they came upon Chris and me.~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Nathan was outraged at what was happening and was stepping forward to put a stop to it when Buck grabbed him and took him around the corner. He was about to give the ladies’ man a piece of his mind when he saw the same anger in Buck's eyes.
Keeping his voice down Nathan angrily whispered, "Why did you stop me?"
"Because Chris would have shot you," whispered Buck. "Besides, that's not Chris. Chris wouldn't kiss another man."
Nathan's eyes flashed with anger as he replied, "Well he sure did look like he was enjoying it."
Buck's eyes narrowed as he looked at Nathan before answering him. "Yeah, but Ezra must have done something or have something on Chris to make him do it. We get Standish away from him and he will come back to his senses."
"Well then, let's get rid of that ... that freak of nature," snarled Nathan, and the feral gleam that appeared in his eyes was reflected in Buck's.
They checked to see if Ezra was still there and then quietly came up behind him. Before Ezra could even cry out he was dragged to the back of the alley and thrown up again the wall. He then gasped in pain and fell to his knees when an iron fist hit him in the stomach.~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Looking up to ascertain who was responsible for this assault on my person I looked into the faces of two men who I’d thought were friends, Buck Wilmington and Nathan Jackson. The utter hate and disgust in their eyes made me realize that was no longer the case.
There was only one explanation for this radical change in their demeanor; they must have seen Chris and I. Fear entered my heart, not for myself but for Chris and Vin. I had to protect them at all costs. Putting on my most contemptuous look I challenged, "So Mr. Jackson, Mr. Wilmington, what did I do that resulted in me being accosted in this manner?"
Wilmington lashed out at me, knocking me back against the wall, and I sat there cradling my bruised cheek and waiting for something from either of them. Jackson squatted in front of me and in a voice that reflected his anger told me, "We want you gone before noon. Leave and never come back because if you do ... you will regret it."
Not one to back down from a challenge, I asked, "And if I don't leave?"
Wilmington squatted down beside Jackson and replied, "Then we tell the whole town what you are. I don't know how you did it, but I want you out of Chris' life."
I grabbed on to the one hope that I could protect Chris and Vin. "So if I leave, you leave Chris alone."
The only answer I got was, "If you're gone, Chris will forget about you and come to his senses."
I packed up my few belonging, but I couldn’t go without telling my lovers goodbye. I quickly wrote a note telling them why I had to leave, but also to tell them not to try and find me. This was the only chance I had to protect them and I was going to do it even though it felt like cutting out my heart with a dull knife. I told them that I would love them till the day my body died, for my heart had died at leaving them. Picking up the letter and my bags, I took one last look around and left.
Jackson and Wilmington were sitting watching me as I came down the stairs. Ignoring both men, I went to find Inez in the kitchen to pay her and to thank her for her kindness to me over the years. I pressed the letter into her hand and asked her to give it to Chris or Vin but no one else.
She cried as she hugged me and promised to deliver the letter. Inez quickly gathered some food for me to take when I left, then walked with me to the door of the saloon and gently kissed me on the cheek as I told her goodbye.
I quickly headed to the livery, not wishing to come across JD or Josiah, not wanting to see the hate or disgust in their eyes. I quickly saddled Chaucer and headed towards Fort Laramie and my exile from the only love and home I had ever found.
INEZ' POV
I noticed the hatred in both Senor Buck and Senor Nathan's eyes for my friend and I knew that they had something to do with Ezra leaving. I turned around and gave them both a cold eye before turning away again, refusing to look at them as I went back to the kitchen. They could find someplace else to eat and drink, for I wouldn't be serving either of them ever again.~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Nathan and Buck watched as Inez turned her back on them, refusing to even acknowledge their existence. The first stirrings of uneasiness entered their hearts at her behavior, but they looked at each other and squashed those feelings for they both believed that they were in the right to protect the town and Chris from the pervert that had just left.
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I quickly left through the back door and made my way to Mary Travis’ place to tell her what had happened. Over the years Ezra had helped many people in Four Corners and had even started to teach the children their numbers and letters until a schoolteacher could be hired. We could never find anyone that had the same rapport with the children that he did; they enjoyed learning from him and many of the parents encouraged that learning. Ezra had also helped many of the single and widowed women with our finances, teaching us how to invest wisely. This had enabled many of the women like myself to become financially independent, which endeared Ezra to all of us.
In Mary’s case he had introduced her to her fiancé Eric LaFortune a writer of some worth who was traveling around to write about how it truly was in the West. He was coming back within a month so that they could be married. He’d figured that he could write anywhere and he had fallen in love with both Mary and the town so this was where he wanted to stay.
When I told Mary about Ezra leaving and that Buck and Nathan had being responsible for it we decided to teach them both a lesson they wouldn't soon forget. We spread the word, and by nine all the women in Four Corners knew what had happened and had agreed with our plan. I returned to the saloon to keep an eye on the two imbeciles but ignored their repeated attempts to get my attention so I could serve them their breakfast; once they realized I wasn’t fooling around they just sat there and sulked.
When JD walked in looking for Ezra he spied me first and came over to ask me, "Hey Inez, have you seen Ezra? He's supposed to relieve me at the jail."
I looked up at JD, trying to decide if he’d had anything to do with Ezra leaving; seeing only concern I realized that the young sheriff didn't know what had happened. I smiled sadly and told him, "Senor Standish left this morning, JD."
JD looked at me in confusion. "Did he go with Vin and Chris to Eagle Bend? I thought he was staying in town."
Deciding that JD should know the honest truth of what had happened I grabbed his arm and took him into the kitchen; when he stopped to ask Buck what was going on I jerked him away from the pair. Once in the kitchen I turned to face him and told him, "No, Senor Standish was forced to leave permanently this morning by those two ... two ... jackasses." I was literally shaking with rage at what they’d done to my friend.
JD's eyes widened. "What?!"
"I don't know what happened, but they forced him to leave. That's the only fact that I know is true. Do you know when Senor Larabee and Senor Tanner are returning?"
JD's eyes narrowed as he took in what I had told him. I could tell he couldn't believe that Buck would do what I had just told him, but he also knew I wouldn't lie about it either. I could see the anger ignite in our sheriff and I could tell that he had some choice words he wanted to exchange with Buck and Nathan. "Just leave it to me and Josiah. We’ll find out what's going on." JD left by the back door to go and tell Josiah what had happened.~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Josiah was just coming down the street on his way to breakfast when JD spotted him. Hurrying up to his older friend, JD quickly dragged Josiah back to the jail.
Once inside Josiah sat in the chair and watched the young man pace back and forth across the jail as he explained what had happened. Once he was finished JD turned to Josiah and demanded, "Josiah, why would Buck and Nathan force Ezra to leave?"
Josiah could only think of one reason, with the fact that Chris and Vin had left just this morning it was the only one that made sense. Sighing heavily, he sat forward to rest his arms on the desk and tried to gauge JD's reaction to the news.
JOSIAH'S POV
I though back to a month before, when I’d come across the three men swimming in a secluded spot on Eagle Creek. I was about to call out a greeting when Vin pulled Ezra into a heated and loving embrace. I was shocked and before the numbness wore off Chris swam up behind Ezra to nuzzle and kiss the back of the smaller man's neck. The love that shone in their eyes made me back away to leave them in peace.
I’d made my way through the copse of trees to collapse against one, trying to process what I had seen. Out of everything I’d ever thought could happen this would have been the last, for none of the men had given me any indication that they were inclined that way. Anger quickly replaced shock as I thought that maybe Vin and Chris had forced themselves onto Ezra, but then I remembered the look of love in their eyes and I knew there had been no forcing. There was just simple and true love, the forever type of love.
I also knew why they’d never let on or told any of us. JD would have had to arrest them and the likelihood of them being run out of town - or even worse, lynched - were just a few things that could befell them. I’d vowed then that I would protect them as much as I could and keep their secret.
As a younger man I had traveled all over the world and it had opened my eyes to many strange ideas; one of them was men and women loving their own sex. I never was inclined to participate or accept the offers made to me, but I learned to respect and understand that love doesn’t care what package it comes in, just that it comes.~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I took a deep breath and said, "JD..."
But before I could finish JD interrupted me. "Do you think Buck and Nathan found out about them?"
JD couldn’t know what he was talking about.
THERE WAS NO WAY.
They were so careful, and I had been watching them just in case. I knew that I must have a dumfounded expression on my face for he gave me a patronizing look before continuing. "Do you think Buck and Nathan know that Vin, Chris and Ezra are lovers?"
HE KNEW!
HOW the hell did he come to this conclusion? "How..."
He must have recognized my panic for he told me, "I saw them the same time you did." I felt my jaw drop and he snorted. "What? I'm not that innocent. All of you keep forgetting that I grew up in a big city, I’ve seen a lot of men like them. I even know a few that stayed together just like a married couple. It don't bother me none and really it's not any of my business as long as no one gets hurt."
I gave him a measuring glance and revaluated my assessment of JD. This young man was a credit to his mother and his own common sense. I smiled at him and once again sighed before saying, "Yeah, JD, I think they found out."
Concern flashed in the brown depths and he asked me, "Do you think they will get Vin and Chris to leave?"
I felt my mouth twist into a grin. "I can't see anyone MAKING Vin and Chris do anything, can you?" JD returned the grin and shook his head before I continued. "But I wouldn't give Nathan or Buck very good odds when those two get back."
JD’s grin got wider as he said, "Nope. I wouldn't either, but I think they will have to stand in line behind Inez. She's madder than a wet cat."
"Well, why don't we just wait and see till Chris and Vin get back? Even if we took out after Ezra he wouldn't come back with us. He might come back for Vin and Chris, though."
"Okay. I don't like it, but we’ll wait."~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
JD and Josiah watched as the women of Four Corners made the lives of the two men miserable. Women who Buck normally had swooning in his arms turned their faces away from him as if he was lower than dirt. The two men had joined with the women and refused to speak to either Buck or Nathan.
When Buck and Nathan finally cornered the other two in the jail they told them what they saw and why they did it. It was JD who knocked the self-righteous looks from their faces when he told them that he knew all about it and saw nothing wrong in it. They were dumfounded by that, and when they turned to Josiah hoping he would side them they met a gaze that could turn fire to ice. Josiah told them that there was nothing wrong with that type of loving and it was none of their business.
As the day wore on Buck and Nathan started to worry about Chris’ reaction to what they had done, but they weren't sorry for kicking Ezra out of town and even though Josiah and JD condoned what had been going on they were still convinced that they were in the right.
At sunset Chris and Vin rode into town looking forward to spending the evening with their lover. They stabled their horses and started towards the saloon to enjoy a good meal and sparkling green eyes, but when they entered they noticed that Ezra’s usual spot was vacant and Buck and Nathan were sitting alone at one table while JD and Josiah were sitting at another. Both sets of men were ignoring the other.
Vin and Chris looked at each other in confusion. Something had happened.
Suddenly Inez was in front of them and she handed Chris an envelope with Ezra’s lovely handwriting on it. Anger sizzled around the small Mexican woman as she stood facing them with her hands on her hips, waiting for him to open it.
CHRIS' POV
A tingle of fear ran through me as I opened the letter that Ezra had addressed to Vin and me.
Beloveds,
Please forgive me for leaving, but Mr. Jackson and Mr. Wilmington witnessed our goodbye this morning and after a slight altercation I was forced to vacate the premises. I have made a deal with my ex-compatriots and they will not do anything to harm either of you if I stay away and out of your lives. I would die for either of you, so to do this to protect you is a small cost that will warm me in the years ahead.
I will love and honor you till the day I die. No other will share my life or bed, for I have no life without you both. I am an empty shell of a man that will go on until my death frees me. We shall meet in heaven where we will live together till the end of eternity. I shall no longer be a gambler or conman, for you both have changed me. I will honor the men who have reshaped me into someone else.
Ezra Standish died today and this letter is my last will and testament. To one Vin Tanner and Chris Larabee I leave my life, my love and my devotion for as long as this body lives. I leave my dreams with you both to share together. I leave you my hope that someday we might find one another, if not in this life than another.
Please don't try to find me, for I don't want you to leave the town or your new home for me. Live and love each other and think of me with fondness.
Yours forever,
EzraVin was watching me intently and I was too caught up in grief and anger to hide it from him. "Chris what is it? Where's Ezra?"
I didn't answer; instead I gently folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope and handed it to Vin. "Vin, put that somewhere safe. " I wanted this memento kept safe till we could find Ezra. I don’t care what Nate and Buck told him, I’m not going to give up the best thing in my life just because they don’t like it.
I watched Vin put the letter into an inside pocket of his buffalo hide coat, confusion plain to read in his beautiful blue eyes. Taking a breath I told him, "Ezra is gone. Buck and Nathan forced him to leave." Then lowering my voice so that Inez couldn’t hear I turned toward him and whispered, "Buck and Nathan saw me and Ezra this morning."
I looked into my quiet lover’s eyes and saw a flame of rage ignite at the news, and I knew that same feral gleam was in my own eyes as we both turned to look at Buck and Nathan. We’d taken a step towards them when Inez got in our way again. "Well, are you going after him or not?" she demanded.
I looked over to Vin. <Too late cowboy. Tomorrow> was the silent answer. Turning back towards Inez I told her, "It’s too late tonight. We leave at first light tomorrow." I then rested a gentle hand on her shoulder and told her, "We’ll bring him back even if we have to tie him to his saddle to do it."~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Inez wasn’t stupid. She had heard the quiet moans and sighs coming from Ezra’s room and then seen Vin and Chris leaving before anyone else was up. An uncle of hers had been like them, and being raised by him had opened her eyes to the possibilities of love that doesn’t care what shape or form it comes in. His pain at hiding himself from the world still tore at her heart, and when she’d found out what was going on between the three men she’d decided to help them keep their secret. It was the least she could do for them and for her beloved uncle. He’d been the one person in her life who’d told her that she could do anything she wanted as long as she believed in herself, and she knew he would be proud of her for helping them.
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Vin came forward his eyes flashing with anger that made her take a step back. "Let’s have a little talk with Bucklin’ and Nate." The answering grin from me was all it took for the two of us to stalk over to the two men who had driven off our heart. I vowed that they would learn a lesson that neither of them would ever forget.
I noticed that the few people who were in the saloon quickly exited, not wanting to be caught between the objects of our anger and us, and as Vin and I passed JD and Josiah’s table they got up to flank us. The four of us stopped in front of a nervous Buck and Nathan and I leaned over the table and allowed a chilling smile to come over my face as I looked at them. "Buck, remember when we first joined forces and you told Mary about Sarah and Adam? Remember what I told you then? Well, the only reason I won’t kill you now is because you’re going to suffer just like you made Ezra suffer." I watched as Buck swallowed nervously, and it took all my willpower not to reach across the table and drag him out by his throat. But that would be too easy, I wanted him to go through HELL.
I then turned my gaze onto our healer. I should have never believed that Nate would ever respect Ezra. He was always looking for a way to bring Ezra down, belittling him every chance he could. I felt a sneer form on my lips as I told him, "I’ve never met a meaner self-righteous hypocrite in my life. You know how people judge you by your skin, but you turn around and do the same thing to Ezra. He never did anything to you."
Straightening I looked at both men and told them. "He guarded both your backs at the risk of his life and you just turned on him."
Then it was Vin’s turn to have a go at them and I had never seen him so furious. Both Jackson and Wilmington leaned back to avoid him. "Chris might not kill you two, but Chris ain’t me. I’d do it too, if the town didn’t need you both to protect it and you didn’t both need to apologize to Ez. At first light Chris and me are going to try to find him, and when we bring him back..." Vin paused threateningly, "YOU. WILL. BOTH. STAY. AWAY. FROM. HIM. Do you understand?"
Vin and I both turned around and walked away, but Buck couldn’t stand it anymore and called out to us, "Chris, he was turning you into a pervert! You’re not like that!"
Both us froze and I looked at Inez, my eyes wide in fear for both Vin and Ezra; but in the small Mexican woman’s eyes all I saw was understanding and acceptance. I then turned to look at Josiah and JD to see what their reaction would be and again saw understanding and friendship. Vin pulled his mare’s leg out and had started back towards the two men he now considered enemies when I stopped him. "Let me."
I walked over to the table and looked down at a man that I’d though I knew but realized that I didn’t. "Buck, I have one question: how do you know I didn’t seduce him, hmmm? Ever though of that?"
All I saw in his face was denial. "No, Chris. No way! You were married to Sarah, there’s no way." He was so sure of himself.
"Buck, we met when I was twenty-three years old. You don’t know what I was like before then. Besides, it’s not something that you just tell everyone – hell, I’ve seen men lynched for it, I wasn’t going to tell a stranger and get myself killed! Then I met Sarah and I fell in love. I told her that I had slept with both men and women but she was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She accepted it." The incredulous look that flashed across Buck’s face gave me no small satisfaction.
Then Jackson couldn’t stop himself from saying, "Then she cured you of this unnatural perversion."
Vin couldn’t let Nathan get away with that and snarled, "Unnatural … in a pigs eye! I have seen plenty of animals that took their own sex as a mate. Hell, even the Indians accept it and look on it as a blessing because the couple have balanced both their male and female sides."
It suddenly dawned on both Nathan and Buck that not only Ezra but also Vin was involved with me. I watched Buck surge to his feet to growl at Vin. "I don’t expect any better from an illiterate savage like you. Why don’t you take off too…"
Inez suddenly pushed her way through Vin and I to face Buck. The little woman shook with anger and she snapped at Buck, "No, Senor, why don’t you both leave my business. You are no longer welcome here."
"Inez…"
"My uncle, the man who raised me, was like them. Having to hide from savages like you because he didn’t fit the image of what a real man is. He finally found happiness only to end up butchered with his lover by those same savages. And to think I was falling for you … ha!" And with that she whirled away and was gone.
EZRA'S POV
I made it to Fort Laramie just at dusk with a heavy heart. I stabled Chaucer and rented a small room for the night with instructions to have food brought up to my room; I didn’t want any company and I needed time to figure out what to do. I had over a thousand dollars on me and I could get to over four thousand in investments any time I wanted to, enough money so that I wouldn’t have to worry for a long while and could take my time to figure out what I should do with the rest of my life. All I knew at the moment was that I couldn't go back being a conman because Vin and Chris had changed me. I would enjoy just gambling, but that would make it too easy for them or Mother to find me. No, it was time to change and be a man they would be proud of.
The first thing I needed to do was to take a new name, a name that would remind me of my loves. Anything with Larabee and Tanner would make it too easy for someone to recognize, but ...
Vincent Christopher?
No.
Christopher Vincent? Better, but still they might be able to find me.
Peter Christopher Vincent? Perfect! Maybe we could never be together again, but at least their names could come with me into exile. Now a new name meant a new appearance was needed - as mother had told me often, appearance is everything. I looked at my clothes and realized that they would give me away as surely as if I’d waved a red flag. They would have to go. Maybe a combination of what Vin and Chris wore…yes, that would enable me to fit in and disappear into the crowd.
After my dinner had arrived I just sat there looking at it. I didn't really have the energy to eat it, but I knew that Vin and Chris would be mad if I didn't take care of myself. Funny what love could you do to a person, how it had changed me. Things I wouldn't do for myself I would do for Chris and Vin. So I sat there forcing myself to eat when I just wanted to curl up into a little ball and die but knowing if I did I would destroy them. I couldn’t do that.
I didn't let go of my grief till I was in bed. Alone, I cried until I couldn't cry any more and only then fell fast asleep.
JUDGE TRAVIS’ POV
I was sitting enjoying my breakfast and reading some court papers when a voice I didn't expect asked me, "Judge Travis, may I join you?"
I looked up into the green eyes of Ezra Standish. I was shocked to see him, for he had never traveled here since I threw him jail that one time. The other regulators of Four Corners never asked me why I’d had him jail, and Ezra had asked me to keep quiet about it. I’d wanted to tell them that the only reason I’d had him jail was for contempt of court. He was defending a young man accused of cheating at cards, and he’d proved not only that the boy hadn’t done but also that it was the one accusing the boy that had cheated. When I released the boy Ezra demanded that the accuser should have to pay for damaging the boy’s reputation. I set it at $100 dollars. Ezra let me know exactly what he thought of that paltry amount and of me, and I’d responded by sentencing Ezra to two weeks in jail and awarding the boy $300 in damages. "Ezra, what are you doing here?"
"Well, Judge, I decided it was time to leave. Some elements in the town will not give me a chance to show that I have changed, so I have decided to try starting over somewhere else. I was wondering, sir … if you know of someplace looking for someone in law enforcement?"
"You are needed at Four Corners, but I understand. Was it Chris that forced you to leave?"
Startled green eyes looked at me. "No sir! Chris and I have become really good friends. Actually it was Wilmington and Jackson that asked me to leave. Look Judge, they don’t need me and this will give me a chance to start over without being a gambler from the onset. All I ask is that you don’t tell them that you have seen me or where I’ve gone. I’ve never asked you for anything and I feel I have more than earned the granting of this small request. Please help me."
I could certainly understand Ezra reasoning, but I didn’t like keeping secrets from the men I had hired. Then again, both Wilmington and Jackson seemed to have more than rejected Ezra by kicking him out of town. With a heavy heart I said, "You have my word, Ezra, I won’t tell them anything. Actually I know the perfect town that would benefit from having you as their sheriff. The name is Morrisville, it’s about a day’s train ride from here. The town is made up of mostly black, Chinese and Irish and a few families that have emigrated from Europe. The land is very fertile, they make a good living as farmers and they don’t cause trouble but trouble keeps finding them. I’ll pay you twenty dollars a week. How does that sound?"
A sad smiled cross Standish’s face as he answered, "That sounds good to me, Judge. There is only one thing more. I’m not going to be Ezra Standish any more; I don’t want to chance my mother or the others finding me, so my name will be Mr. Peter C. Vincent. New start, new name."
"All right, Mr. Vincent. I’ll drop by in a week’s time to see how things are. If you need anything you know how to find me."
"Thank you, sir."
"I’m sorry, Ezra."
VIN'S POV
The next day Chris and I tracked Ezra to Fort Laramie and found out he took a room at the hotel for the night but he’d checked out first thing that morning. No one could tell us when he’d left or in what direction. Then I spotted something that frightened me; Ezra’s red gambling coat was hanging in a store window.
Nudging Chris, we made our way to the store and entered. A young woman looked up and asked, "Can I help you gentlemen with anything?"
Chris nodded his head towards the jacket. "We’re just looking for the man that sold you that jacket. He’s a friend of ours and we’re kind of worried about him."
A pleasant smile came over the young woman’s face. "He traded quite a few very nice pieces of clothing for some jeans, a duster and some cotton shirts."
The red was my favorite jacket of Ezra’s and I wanted it so that I’d have something of his that I could hold onto till we found him. And once we found him we would never be parted again. "Ma’am, could you tell me now much you are selling that red jacket for?" I asked.
She looked at me and something in my eyes must have begged her to let me have it. "Well, it is kind of old. How about $5?"
I dragged out the money but was surprised when Chris handed her the five dollars first. Then only loud enough for me to hear he said, "I love that jacket too. Will you share it with me?"
Looking into the pain filled hazel eyes of my other mate I smiled and with my spirit I told him that I would share everything with him.
The young woman took the money and wrapped Ezra’s jacket up for us. While she was tying the string to secure the package she asked, "Are you really friends of the young man?"
"Yes ma’am," I answered her.
She scanned both Chris’ and my faces, searching for something and apparently finding it. "He looked like both of you do, like he’d lost something special. I was worried about him so I followed him around a bit." She paused, considering her next words before continuing. "He mentioned starting over and being the man Chris and Vin would be proud of…. I take it that you are the two men he was talking about?" Chris and I both nodded and held our breaths, hoping she could tell us where our lover had gone. She smiled at us and then said. "I know that he was going on a train ride, but that is all I can tell you."
One lead. One hope of finding him. "Thank you ma’am," I told her as I took the package.
Before she let go of it she looked me in the eye and said, "I hope you find him. His heart was broken. Good luck."
We headed from the store to the train station hoping we might be in time to stop him from leaving, but there was no sign of Ezra anywhere. When we asked the Stationmaster if he’d seen anyone that looked like Ezra he said yes, but he wasn't sure which way he’d been going. There had been two trains in, one going to San Francisco the other to St. Louis, but the Stationmaster couldn’t give us any more information.
We’d lost him.
That night we stayed in the same room that Ezra had. I swore that I could smell his scent and hear him sobbing during the night and my heart broke; I wasn't one to cry, but I allowed silent tears run down my cheeks at the thought of never finding Ezra. I don't know how Chris knew, but he lay down beside me and pulled me to his chest, silently petting my head. That night we lay together with our heads on Ezra's jacket and made a vow between us, our tears mingling together and making our vow even more sacred. If we ever found Ezra, even if it took all our lives to do it, we were never going to leave him again.
That night we decided that we would keep protecting Four Corners but we would ride out together to look for Ezra whenever we could. We figured that since he wanted to change he would not be using his real name and the clothes that he had chosen were similar to what we would wear, so we didn’t think he went all the way to St. Louis or San Francisco but must have settled somewhere in between. It could take us months to find him but that was time we were willing to spend to have him back in our arms.
During the night we gently made love to reaffirm our feelings to one another, and in the morning we made our way back to Four Corners and told JD and Josiah of how we’d lost Ezra's trail. I refused to speak to Nathan or Buck and from what saw the town’s women were siding with us. Inez wouldn’t allow them in the saloon so they were eating their meals at the jail, Buck had been spending some very lonely nights and Nathan was still respected for his skills but was otherwise being treated very coldly by the women.
Personally all I wanted to do was make them hurt as much as they’d made me and Chris hurt. I wanted to tear out half their heart and soul as they’d done to mine, but instead I terrorized them quietly by sharpening my knife slowly and constantly in front of them while looking into their eyes, knowing my meaning was clear.
Chris, on the other hand, didn't stay in town anymore but rode out to his place where I joined him. Chris, Ezra and myself had been planning on moving out there so we had expanded the shack to have three bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom - which was Ezra’s idea - and a large living and dining area. We figured that with three bedrooms no one would guess what we did in the privacy of our home, and the only time the town would see us was when were at our shifts at the jail, on patrol, if there was trouble or in Ezra case if there was a game of chance. But now there was just Chris and I in our home and I didn’t like it one bit.
The Judge came back every now again to see how we were doing but he never asked why Ezra had left, instead we just saw sadness in his eyes. It seemed that a new family arrived every week to join our little community and they were actually quite glad to have six gunfighters ready to uphold the law. Buck and JD were talking, but the easy brotherhood they’d had before Ezra left was gone. Nathan and Josiah's relationship had also changed and they had some heated discussions where they wouldn't talk for days. Chris talked to both Nathan and Buck but it was like a foreman talks to his workers, wanting to know if there were any problems, etc. Buck tried to talk to Chris alone but Chris wouldn't allow it. Me, I didn't talk to either of them.
As the weeks turned to months Chris and I had narrowed our search to about a day's train ride from Fort Laramie, but in what direction we still didn't know. I think Buck and Nathan had begun to regret what they had done, but it was a little too late and the damage too severe. The only way we would forgive them was if they brought Ezra back home and if he forgave them first.
JD had started a correspondence with a fellow sheriff in Morrisville by the name of Peter Vincent about a month after Ezra had left. JD let me read one of his letters and I got interested in the folks that he protected and the hardship of being the only law for the small town. Soon I was writing to him because he sounded lonely. I knew my writing wasn’t the best but when I apologized for it he wasn’t mean or nothing to me, instead he sent my letter back with corrections and explained what I did wrong. It was like having Ezra helping me. Even Chris took an interest in this sheriff from Morrisville and some of the stories he told made Chris laugh out loud, something I hadn’t heard since Ezra left. I wrote him to see if he had seen anyone that sounded like Ezra and he told me he hadn’t but he would keep an eye out.
As spring turned to summer turned to fall both Chris and I lost hope of ever finding Ezra, but we still kept looking and sharing our dreams and hopes. We made love to one another, we fought and made up like any couple, but sometimes … sometimes we just sat in bed with his arms around me and both of us holding onto Ezra’s red jacket, remembering what we had lost.