Turkey Hunter

by SilverWolf

Crossover Sesame Street

This was written after a small bout of insanity (my excuse) and for all those celebrating Thanksgiving.

Disclaimer: The characters from The Magnificent 7 belong to MGM, Mirisch, and Trilogy. Sesame Street belongs to CTW. As an additioonal discalimer I refer you to the above statement - this was written in a bout of madness.

Rating: G - but there is talk of Big Bird buying the farm.


"A big bird she said. Big enough to feed forty people she said. What does she think I am? How'd Ez put it? Oh yeah. Hunter extraordinaire - that's me," Vin groused, and pushed the black gelding's stomach getting the stubborn animal to expel the air. "Peso, blowin' out your belly ain't gonna do you no good." With one final pull the cinch was done and the saddle secured in place.

"Where the hell am I meant to find a turkey that size? Short of mixing up a few of Nate's concoctions and chanting some words over a bird." Disgruntled at the seemingly impossible task Vin set off in his quest to find the biggest bird anyone had ever seen.

Chris Larabee had volunteered Vin's services to Miss Nettie Wells, singing the praises of his best friend for his skills as a proficient marksman and hunter. He declined Vin's invitation to join him, instead opting to remain behind and help Nettie ready the house for the celebration.

Uprooted from his position on the couch with young Billy Travis, Vin gave Larabee one of his best glares, mumbled under his breath and pulled on his sheepskin-lined jacket. "Wouldn't get too comfortable there if I were you, cowboy."

Chris cocked his head to one side and raised an eyebrow. "Why not? The fire's nice and warm and Billy's content to have a story read to him." He picked up another of Billy's books and selected a story to read.

"Reckon Miss Nettie could do with some help," Vin said and turned to the kindly woman. "Couldn't you Miss Nettie?" he smirked when Nettie began to rattle off the list of jobs that still needed to be done.

Vin rode away from Larabee's yard at an easy canter, cursing as he went in a dialect that Chris was unable to place but fully understood the intention none the less.

"Well, Peso what direction d'ya reckon we oughta take?" Vin Tanner blew out a frustrated sigh and stepped up the black's easy pace.

The horse was fresh and willing to be moving. His long and rangy look and powerful muscles promised speed and stamina that the horse was anxious to use.

The day had started off like most others for this time of year - a little chilly but gradually getting colder as ominous storm clouds rolled in. Winter would soon make its presence permanent for the next few months but for now Mother Nature played her own fickle game as the season changed from autumn to winter.

As the day had progressed Vin had not only grown more and more disheartened with lack of sightings of turkeys. He laughed to himself and pictured Turkeys sitting around the calendar with the dates of hunting season circled.

Dark storm clouds scudded over the landscape, a cool, damp wind blew and the air temperature changed to a bone chilling cold.

Reining Peso to a halt, Vin pulled up the collar on his jacket and shuddered as the cool wind cut through his jacket. "Five more minutes and then we head back to Larabee's. He can go and buy a turkey. Don't see why he didn't anyhow. Him and his ideas about a home cooked dinner with fresh turkey."

It was during Vin's one-sided tirade that he thought he saw a turkey walking straight toward him. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. "That ain't no turkey, but it looks big enough to feed all them people Chris invited over. Naaaah can't be." Convinced he was seeing things, Vin shook his head, rubbed his eyes and looked again.

Sure enough there was he biggest and yellowiest bird he'd ever seen. It had to have been at least eight feet tall. As it strutted its way across the land Vin was convinced he could hear it singing.

"Sunny day, sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street."

Tanner shook his head in disbelief and chastised himself. "I am not hearin' things. I have just been working too hard is all. There is no yellow bird walkin' round like he owns the place and there is no brown shaggy elephant thing with it." He closed his eyes and hoped that the vivid figment of his imagination was simply that when he opened them again.

The undercover agent was not sure whether he should be high-tailing it back to Larabee's ranch or to shoot the eight foot high, three feet wide, two legged delectable delight. He ran his hand down his face and made the decision to withdraw his rifle from the scabbard.

Slowly he pulled the lever down and ratcheted a bullet into place. Without trying to rationalize his thoughts any more, Vin fired the rifle.

Yellow feathers flew in all directions as the bullet found its mark and the big bird plummeted towards the ground with a resounding crash. That was when Vin thought he was truly losing his mind. The brown, shaggy elephant creature spoke.

"Bird? What's wrong Bird?"

Tanner looked at the scene before him and vigorously shook his head. "No this is not happening. That thing did not just talk." Dismounting from Peso he took his lariat and moved toward the downed bird.

"You killed my friend," the creature began to bawl. "Why'd you shoot Bird?"

"For Thanksgiving dinner. Hold it. Why am I talking to a shaggy elephant?" Vin asked, questioning his sanity at the same time.

"Snuffleupagus, not an elephant."

"Snuffle-what-a-gus?" Vin studied the animal before him and the giant yellow bird on the ground. Looking at the rope in his hand and sidestepping the snuffleupagus he tied the birds feet together and started to drag it to where Peso stood.

"You have got to be kidding. There is no way you are putting that bird on my back. Forget it!" Peso whinnied in protest and pawed at the ground.

"C'mon Peso, quit being so ornery. We gotta get this bird home." Vin continued to struggle with the bird and fought to lift it onto Peso's back.

"Stay still." He chastised the black gelding and pulled the reins tight.

For his trouble Peso struck out with his hind leg and sent Vin sprawling. Blackness quickly claimed the hunter as his head impacted with the hard ground.

"Lay still, Vin," soothed Chris and wiped the sweat-covered face of the unconscious hunter. "Nate, he's starting to come round."

The cloth on his face was wet and cool. A lazy weakness flowed through his body, warm, reassuring. The heavy veil of darkness was gradually lifting.

Tentatively Vin rubbed the left side of his head and felt a thick wad of bandaging. Gingerly he moved his head towards Chris' voice. "Peso. The yellow bird . snuffle-what-a-gus," he groaned, his head felt like it was ready to implode.

"You took a nasty spill coming up the front walkway when we were bringing the groceries in," Chris Larabee informed him.

Vin's eyes snapped open and instantly closed against as the light assaulted them. "Wanna dim the lights a bit?" He asked and tried to shade his eyes. "Walkway? Groceries?"

"Yeah, you slipped on a loose cobblestone, dropped the turkey and went out for the count."

Soft, plush fur teased at his face. "Oh boy, that tickles." A high pitched little voice said. All of a sudden the object firmly ensconced in Vin's arm began to shudder, laughing as it did so.

"What the.?" he asked, still in a dazed state. He pushed the red little creature to arms length and focused on it. "Elmo?"

"Yeah, Billy thought you might like Elmo to keep you company while you were out to it. Here, I'll take him from you."

"So I didn't kill Big Bird?"

"Big Bird?" Larabee questioned, drawing the attention of the other people gathered around.

"Never mind. It must have been a dream, but it seemed so real."

While the others listened on eagerly, Vin retold his tale of going on a turkey hunt and killing the yellow bird.

Larabee tried his damndest to suppress a laugh, which only caused the other agents in the room to join in the frivolity. Finally able to contain himself, he placed the cool cloth on Vin's brow and instructed him to rest. When he saw Vin's eyes close again he beckoned for the rest of the team to join him in the dining room.

"The boy sure does have a good imagination," Buck Wilmington laughed. "Big Bird huh? Wonder where he got that idea from." he added spying the Sesame Street Thanksgiving Card someone had sent him.

The End

Comments to: muffco@xtra.co.nz

Big Bird was not injured in any way, shape or form in the making of this story.