Acknowledgments: A big hug and thank you out to my beta, Mady Bay, whose help is so invaluable to me, and my wonderful pard, Peggy, who is so encouraging!
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, mores the pity. They have more fun with me than those stick-in-the-muds who do own em.
Part 1
I think it all started the day Vin said he wanted to be fucked at both ends. Or so I imagined.We were sitting at a table at Inez's, Vin, Buck and I when out of the blue Vin says "You and Buck take me at both ends," and Buck just nods.
"What?!" I stammered, with my voice in a much higher register than I care for.
"I said, You an' Buck sure are good friends," Vin answering in a more peevish tone than was absolutely necessary.
That's when I realized that I had a problem. I was losing my finely honed mask when it came to my sexual desires, in particular when it came to Vin, with whom I had both the good luck and misfortune to observe, interact and privately drool over everyday at work.
Being part of a team was a new experience for me, but hiding my feelings wasn't. I am a keen observer of human behavior, and I had always been just a little more clever, a little more nimble of mind and wit than the people I associated with, and it was with no small amount of pleasure that I would complete elaborate subterfuge in regards to my own personal life. Such as it was. You would think that an almost complete lack of a personal life would make it easy to hide, but this is just how I got into trouble.
Despite my well honed and quite frankly exemplary attempts at presenting a completely heterosexual front, my sex-deprived brain was back-firing on me, and I was finding myself undone by increasingly frequent and increasingly realistic daydreams regarding my taciturn compatriot.
Like the time I asked Mary to go with me to Choices. I told Mary I wanted to unwind away from Inez's "Saloon" but Mary wasn't fooled. Mary already knew my big secret and when you hold the big ace, you aren't fooled by the sleight of hand anymore.
Choices was a hot new club in Denver, with a notorious and well deserved reputation for having the best DJs and incredible dance music in the city. The casual low key atmosphere of the multilevel bar surrounding the large dance floor welcomed a diverse crowd, both gay and straight. That was a major selling point to me, I could indulge in some discreet ogling of the beautiful men who came to dance, but without sacrificing my precious cover. Especially while escorting the lovely Mary Travis, intrepid reporter. Mary looked lovely in a cerulean blue strapless dress that brought out the sparkle in her eyes. I wished again that I might feel something more than just a cool appreciation of their beauty.
"When you look at me that way, Ezra, I almost forget that I am here as your beard," said Mary.
"Mary! I asked you here because I consider you a valuable friend," I huffed.
"MMmm-hmm. Valuable as a beard," she laughed with a uptilted smile, that said she wasn't being fooled and she really didn't mind. She had no idea that that was what made her such a good friend; the only one I could really be myself with. I didn't have much choice since that time I tried to tell her that the copy of Instinct magazine that had fallen from my briefcase was purchased as research for an undercover assignment. Mary had asked me what value "How to get your man to Sex-periment" or “Test: Are you a Stud … or a Slut?” would be to my undercover assignments and the jig, as they say, was up. Not one of my better subterfuges to be sure, but I still think if it hadn't been the swimsuit issue, I still might have pulled it off. On the other hand, the one slip up did leave me with someone I could tell my secrets to. Of course, that was a one-time thing and I wasn't about to slip up again, especially with these strange daytime fantasies posing an even greater challenge to my previously unruffled veneer.
Mary and I went back to the Blue room, a alcove that served excellent and incredibly smooth specialty martinis, and also served as a sort of unofficial demarcation line between the larger dance floor where everyone came together, and the “gayer” side of the club. The side with the go-go boys wearing smiles (and little else) on platforms above the bar, and the Velvet Stage to the left, where they had the live acts.
It was Wednesday night and one of my favorites was about to make an appearance on the Velvet stage. Jake the randy cowboy. I don't know why cowboy drag on a man with an obvious bikini tan line would be a major fantasy for me, but it was. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that the announcer stated Jake was from Texas.
I strained my neck, very subtlety of course, to see around Mary to the Velvet stage. “Do you want to get closer, Ezra? I don't mind,” stated Mary, with sly grin that matched the one often seen on her paramour, Chris Larabee, as she too gazed at the gyrating cowpoke. “I don't mind at all.”
“Don't be absurd, Mary. I was merely trying to ascertain if the fringe on those very tight chaps was authentic leather work, or some unbearable plastic imitation.”
“Oh, I see.”
“In fact, I think we should go over to the main dance floor, it's far too …” my voice momentarily failed me as Jake took that moment to undo hidden snaps and RIP the seemingly authentic chaps from his richly muscled thighs, “ho…ho.. HOT over here.”
Part 2
I had to admit to a certain amount of dizziness when we gravitated to the dance floor, brought on by more than just my martini. The gyrating masses on the dance floor were enough to percolate anyone's mental faculties. One in particular seemed to stand out. He had his back to us, but his whole body seemed to exude sexuality, sweat streaming down the long, lean back and disappearing under the loose waistband of his jeans as they hung just below his slim hips, just where the curve of his rounded buttocks began. Evidently men's undergarments had gone out of fashion with this bronzed specimen.I cast my eyes down the trim legs just as he turned. Well muscled thighs were undulating in a hypnotic fashion as this male siren strutted over in our direction, and my gaze, very subtlety of course, traveled back up his body. Lingering over an impressive basket, I saw that while the jeans were tight, the waistband was loose because the top few buttons of the button fly were undone, as if to release escaping steam. Next were taut abdominal muscles, without an ounce of fat, that seemed to roll like a lazy cobra. Just above that, large brownish pink nipples capped a broad powerful chest gleaming with sweat under the disco light. That curved into a strong neck and …. CHRIST IN A SIDECAR, IT'S VIN! What is he DOING here?? And headed this way!!
“Hey, Mary, Ezra. I was surprised to see ya here,” said the object of my unrequited lust.
“I could say the same Mr. Tanner,” I said, with just tiny catch in my throat. No one would notice.
He snorted and said, “Hell Ez, you know me, I gotta let off some steam sometimes.” I consider it to be a major feat of willpower on my part that I didn't glance at his half undone jeans as he said that.
“But ya’ll… I figured ya’ll fer going to a museum opening or somethin’,” drawled the Texan, with a wink to Mary. “Where's Chris? Is he with you?” Vin said with a curious tilt to his head.
“Chris has paperwork to catch up on. Actually I came to ‘unwind’ as he put it, with Ezra tonight. We are scooping out the local talent,” she replied with a grin. This proves the old adage, never talk to a reporter – they blab everything.
“Actually I am… helping Mary with some research for an article for the Denver Clarion. She is doing an article about these kind of places, and what meat markets they are.” I said with the proper note of disdain. “I wouldn't be caught in such a den of brazenly inappropriate behavior otherwise.” Caught, being the operative word.
“I’m what??” hissed Mary.
“Don't worry, Mary.” I replied while raising an eyebrow and staring into her eyes, trying to get her play along. “Vin understands how important investigative journalism is to you. He won't blow our cover.”
“How about his friend?” she responded, with a smug look that frankly was not attractive on her.
I turned back to Vin to see his arms wrapped around the waist of a man who looked like he was closer to JD’s age than Vin’s. In fact, he bore a striking resemblance to the youngest member of our team, grinning as he was with a mouthful of pearly white teeth. Except for the crew-cut spiky blond hair, which gave him an air of the quarterback of a high school football team. His shirtless chest revealed a small gold nipple ring. Vin didn't really like that kind of thing, did he?
“This here's Justin. He's here visiting from Pittsburgh,” Vin said with what could only be described as a shit eating grin. "I figured I’d be hospitable and show ‘em what Denver has to offer.”
Then Justin sank to his knees while yanking on Vin’s jeans, pulling them halfway down his muscled thighs. With no underwear to impede him, Justin let his tongue hang out and lapped at the sweat that rolled down off the tip of Vin’s thick cock, before sucking on the head.
Mary hummed, “Mmm. I bet that tastes good.”
I couldn't believe my eyes… or my ears! I looked at Mary incredulously.
“I know you like martinis, Ezra, but look at what that woman is drinking. It looks like a pina colada, but they put chocolate syrup in the glass,” she stated, as if nothing had happened.
Evidently nothing had happened. I must be delirious. I turned back to see Vin and Justin both standing as they had been, with their arms around each other's waists. Although Justin seemed to be sneaking his hand down the back of Vin’s jeans. I hate tourists.
Vin just nodded and said “That there's a Mudslide, Mary. They're real good here.”
“That's not all that real good,” said Justin as he managed to get his hand under the denim and cup Vin’s cheek. Was that a squeak Vin just let out?
“Aren't you a little young to be out this late? It must be past your bedtime,” I stated, fixing Justin with a glare that for some reason, he completely ignored. I don't understand, it works for Mr. Larabee.
“You know Ezra’s right,” Vin said, giving my heart a little thrill. “It's way past your bedtime.”
“So?” the little flaxen haired snot replied.
“So, I think I should take you home and put you to bed,” Vin chuckled, with another shit eating grin.
“I thought you'd never ask,” Justin remarked, just before cutting off further conversation by kissing Vin thoroughly.
“See ya, guys,” Vin offered, as two of them quickly turned and headed for the exit.
Once again, I was incredulous, but this time, not from a sex deprived delusion. “Can you believe that Vin left with that…that “Dawson’s Creek” wannabe? What could he see in him?”
“Well, I don't know what Vin saw, but I know what Justin was seeing. The same thing YOU were getting an eyeful of. Why don't you tell him the truth, Ezra? Tell him how you feel!” cried Mary.
“When the sanctified dead rise from their graves to receive judgment, I’ll start confessing my personal business,” I huffed.
Part 3
I knew things were becoming increasingly unstable when it started happening at work, like the scene on Thursday. Not that anyone could blame me. It was unbelievable! Of all the chutzpah! Ever since Vin had let the rest of the team know of his sexual orientation, Buck was flirting as outrageously with him, as much as he would with any of the ladies in the office. He even stopped calling him Junior."Hey Vin, you all oiled up and ready to go?" Buck said, in the most outrageous way possible. My head shot up, and I saw that Vin had in fact been oiling his Sig Sauer 9mm. Not that Buck hadn't meant it as an innuendo anyway.
"I'se always ready for you, Bucklin'" Vin replied, as he had taken to flirting right back with Buck. The two of them were completely insufferable.
Buck snorted, all the while escalating the sexual tension. "Is that right? Mmmm-mmm. You sure do have nimble fingers. The way you hold that long shaft, oiling it down in long hard strokes."
Chris sauntered over with a smirk. "You better watch yourself, Buck. You keep that up, and Vin just might take it into his head to bend you over the desk and have at you."
Just as soon as he said it, Vin comes around behind Buck, caressing his ass as Buck closed his eyes with a moan. Vin reached around to Buck's belt buckle and released it with those nimble fingers.
"Chris, could you hand me that tube of hand lotion on Nathan's desk?" Vin asked.
"Here ya go, Vin." After quickly slicking up his cock, Vin slowly penetrated Buck's ass, while Chris watched from the sidelines. "I told you to be careful, Buck. Now look what you get." Chris shook his head, but the wide leering grin never left his face. "Of course, looking at what you're getting, I'd like to get it next," Chris said huskily. He thrust his hand in his pocket and turned towards me. "Care to try some, Ezra?"
"Huh?" I managed to stammer out, in a rather unacceptably dopey fashion. My eyes focused enough to realize that I had been daydreaming again and Chris was merely offering me some new flavor of Trident gum.
"I said would you like to try some?" That's what Chris's lips said, but his eyes said 'What the hell is wrong with you?'
The object of my daydreams however was still laughing at the suggestion that he would be doing what my mind had just pictured him doing. "You six are the safest fellers in Denver, I reckon," Vin said with a wink. "I could never have a relationship with someone I worked with."
Everyone had a good laugh about that, even me. I had to laugh, just to keep from crying.
Part 4
I certainly remember the day that Vin had “come out” as the phrase goes, though exploded would perhaps be the more apt appellation. This was several months gone by. It was my greatest joy and deepest sorrow all on the same day.The case we had been working on involved coordinating with Team 3. Armaments that had been rendered illegal by having the firing pins filed down were involved in several shootings in the Fox St. area, a sort of gay ghetto mere blocks from where Vin lived in Purgatorio.
One of the ingrates on Team 3 had the temerity to ask Vin how he felt about living near “those kind of people.”
Vin’s voice became even raspier, if such a thing is possible, and dropped to such a low timbre as to be almost feral in it's quiet fury, though you certainly didn't have to strain to hear him.
“Jes what kinda a folks, you mean Harold? You mean innocent folks, getting caught up in th' crossfire? Decent folks who don't deserve to be shot up jes because they's diff'rent? Or mebbe ya mean GAY folks? Is that who ya mean, Harold?”
“Vin, be careful,” Chris advised, though it was clear that he would be backing Vin however he decided to proceed.
“Chris, I jes gotta explain somethin' to ol' Harold here. Iffen he's worried 'bout “those kinda folks” being near, and he's meaning gay fellers, he better get good and worried. ‘Cause I'm standing right here in front of him.”
The room was stunned. Well, half the room anyway. It was obvious from the resigned look on Mr. Larabee’s face that this was not news to him. Buck’s face lit up like someone had just given him a hot fudge sundae for free. It could be decidedly said that all of Team 7 stood ready to defend Vin in his declaration. Which shows just how foolish this Harold character was, as he commenced with a decidedly threatening tone.
“Maybe you're standing now, faggo…”
“You want to continue your career here at the ATF, you better swallow the rest of whatever you were going to say. I wouldn't mind if you choked on it,” threatened our team leader, who could barely contain his fury that someone would deign to threaten his second-in-command.
“Oh I see how this is. You and Tanner always were close,” sneered the pasty faced Harold.
“You don't have to be gay, to treat someone who is with respect,” came the indignant voice of JD, who was looking quite furious himself at the insult to his teammates. “Asshole,” he added, which I thought brought him down to Harold's level, though I understood the sentiment.
Harold didn't have much time at that point to retort, as seconds later several of his teeth were being violently ejected from his smart mouth by the two fisted eloquence of Chris Larabee. I understand that his new bridgework doesn't really match the yellow of his own dentition.
Later, a more private discussion involving just the members of Team 7 gave proof that all the team supported Vin, with some reservations by Josiah, who expressed concern that Vin was “living dangerously.” JD and Buck seemed particularly enthused to have received this revelation, asking interminably personal questions of the private sharpshooter, until Mr. Larabee put a stop to the inquiry. Nathan, who felt a life debt to Vin, used the silence to simply state that what Vin did with his personal life was his business, to which I nodded silently. I had been struck dumb by the revelation and virtually hadn't said a word for the remainder of the day. The others nodded as well and we all drifted back to our desks to continue our respective tasks.
As heartened as I was to know that the object of all my sleepless night's longing was actually inclined toward my own gender, the elation was short-lived. I knew I would Never EVER be willing to stand up before friends, strangers, hell, anyone at all and have them sit in judgment on how I conducted my private affairs.
I thought about why I hadn't spoken, if not in front of others, at least to the rest of the team. Then I remembered what Nathan had said. What Vin did was his own business. As much as I could see that Mr. Larabee, and by his example the rest of the team, was standing behind Vin and defending him to all and sundry, in my heart I believed -I just knew- that if I had made the same pronouncement, it would not be the same for me. Mr. Larabee would not be so nonjudgmental of my behavior, and Josiah –my closest confidante on the team- was the one who had the most reservations about it all.
No... no one was going to hear any personal confessions from me. No matter what the sacrifice.
Part 5
My ultimate temptation would come about from my own machinations, but had started with the most innocent of deceptions.Chris had presented me with a conundrum two weeks ago. The good news was that the team was going to a gala awards event for the ATF, during which a letter of commendation would be presented to Josiah for his profiling work, and certainly no one was more deserving. The bad news was I had to have a date. Everyone was bringing a date, with the notable exception of Vin who would be escorting Nettie Wells to the festivities. As much as Vin enjoys Ms. Wells' company, I had a feeling there was some underlying tension around that decision.
What was I going to do? I felt disingenuous when I realized that although I had been in Denver for almost two years now, I knew all of six people here, and they were all right here in the office with me. This job doesn't exactly give you a lot of free time, not that I would know what to do with it if it did. I'm not exactly what one would call a social butterfly. Mother didn't raise me that way. I learned from a young age, how to use people, manipulate people, get people to give me what I want. I never did receive the lesson in how to be friends with people.
Actually, I would have to admit that the lessons were starting. These six men I had the great pleasure with working with these days were becoming the first true friends I had ever known. It was an unfamiliar but certainly not unpleasant feeling. However, it did not help me in my current predicament. None of them was going to be my date to the ceremony. Not even the one I would wish for, with all my heart.
Then the solution came to me. I rattled off a list of the appropriate qualities required. "Intelligent, soft spoken, elegant." Yes, Li Pong really was the perfect person to bring. She reminded me of myself.
"Talking about your new girlfriend Ez? She sounds kinda like you." Buck said with a chuckle. Well, it was one thing for me to think so…
I feigned indignation with my best glare, but acquiesced to solidify my story. “As a matter of fact, I was reminiscing about the charms of the lovely Li Pong, whom I anticipate accompanying to the gala function where they shall be finally acknowledging Josiah's exemplary work.
I almost hated to do it. Li Pong was a sweet innocent girl, young woman really, who had the unfortunate misconception that she owed me something. I had helped her find a job in the clerical division of the Bureau, when she was having difficulty adjusting to her new life here in the United States. A paltry favor that the young woman in her guilelessness felt compelled to repay tenfold.
“I knew it! You're sweet on that lil' Asian spitfire. The way you helped her out, getting her a job, finding her an apartment…” Buck said with a little singsong tone. "You should have come to me! I would have fixed you two up long ago, subtly of course...."
“Really Buck, how you exaggerate! I merely offered Li Pong transportation assistance in finding a place to reside when she found herself at loose ends,” I replied, with just enough denial in my voice to make him think there was more without actually saying anything. "Li Pong is beautiful woman, but I fear we shall remain merely friends." Buck gave one of his little "I've got a secret" grins and raced off to find JD.
Soon after I had the opportunity to ask Li Pong to the gala, sure enough there was a rumor that Li Pong and I were a ‘couple’ circulating the building. Virtual strangers in the building, which I admit means anyone not on my team, felt obliged to come up and advise me as to Li Pong's favorite flower or dinner preferences. Advising ME! Where do people get these notions?
I am sure that I can thank Mr. Wilmington as being the originator of said rumor. So in a way, it is HIS fault that things got out of hand last night at the gala.
Part 6
“Ezra, are you so gay?”“What?!?!?” I spluttered.
“I said, are you okay? You've been fidgeting all night. It's just not like you.” Chris's eyebrows furrowed together. “Li Pong seems to be having a good time.” I sat in stony silence, since I had no reply for that statement. Li Pong was having far too good a time, and in fact seemed to believe the rumors going around about us.
Now Chris had taken this opportunity to interrogate me about it. The ladies were visiting the rest room en masse. Vin had escorted Nettie Wells home shortly after Josiah's commendation reception, as she expressed exhaustion with all the ceremonies. JD and Buck had gotten quickly bored after Josiah's acceptance speech, if not during, and were currently looking for trouble to get into.
“Listen Ezra, maybe it's none of my business…. Aw hell! It is my business, because you are a part of my team and that makes you a part of our family. I just want you to be happy, Ezra. That's all any of us want. Honestly, I don't think interoffice romances work out most of the time, and I told Vin the same thing, but if Li Pong makes you happy, then I would be all for it.”
As nice as that sentiment was, the one part that stuck in my mind, like a record player stuck in a groove was “I told Vin the same thing.” Which had to mean that at some point Vin had brought up the subject of interoffice romance with the team leader and been rebuffed. Who had the object of Vin’s affection been?
“So how about it, Ezra? Are you happy?” asked Larabee, with what I can only assume was genuine concern in his eyes. I assume because of being so unfamiliar with that particular emotion being expressed in my direction. What could I do in the face of such well meaning inquisitiveness into my feelings.
I lied, of course.
“I've never been happier, Mr. Larabee.”
"Just seems a shame that Vin can't share in that same happiness," said Josiah.
"Don't start, Josiah. I mean it," warned Chris.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Two of Vin's friends, probably the two that Vin trusted most of all of us, were talking about him behind his back. It made it all the more clear, as if any more evidence was needed, that I had made the right decision in keeping my own orientation to myself. No one understands.
"I'm not condemning Vin, you know that. I just want the best for him. Vin's had a rough childhood and maybe it has him confused. Ezra's childhood was similarly not ideal, no offense, son, and just look at how happy he is with Li Pong." demonstrated Josiah.
Chris let out an aggrieved sigh. "Vin is happy! He's just as happy with a man as with a woman. Or he could be.” An unreadable expression crossed Chris's face at that moment. My imagination started into overdrive again. Vin did spend a extraordinary amount of time out at Chris's ranch. I could see it clearly in my mind.
Vin moving with that catlike grace through the barn to the tack room. He's wearing faded brown leather chaps. That's all. Just the chaps. His ass undulates like the well lubed pistons of my Porsche's engine. Larabee is waiting for him in the tack room and tackles the long haired adonis. His long strong fingers stroke down the cleft in Vin’s ass.
I shake my head to clear the vision, as Chris and Josiah had continued their conversation while my brain detoured through hell. Evidently Josiah's psychological prowess was serving him well, as Chris was wearing down.
“I know what you're saying though. It wouldn't be so ….I don't know….if he weren't tomcatting around so much, sleeping with every guy he meets,” Chris finally stated.
I didn't know what made me feel worse, Chris's pronouncement or the fact that he was saying it. Melancholy struck me at that moment, causing this uncharacteristic gesture.
"I wish I could be of some assistance, gentlemen," I sighed.
"You could! If you and Vin talked, really talked, and you could tell him how happy you and Li Pong are,” enthused Josiah.
"It can be so difficult to get Mr. Tanner alone, in a quiet environment for such a commiseration,” I said. I really don't think I was trying to suggest anything at that time, but Josiah ran with it anyway.
"Why don't we do something about it?" asked Josiah, with a gleam in his eye.
"What are you talking about?" Chris was starting to chaff at all this talk behind Vin's back.
"Tomorrow night Nathan has that Pathology conference and JD and Casey are going on that camping trip. The rest of us were going to the lake,” said Josiah, reiterating what we already knew.
“Were?” Chris's eyebrow raised at the past tense the profiler was using.
“If we get Buck to go somewhere and you and I make up an excuse, then it falls into place,” explained Josiah.
"What does?" Chris asked, exasperation coloring his tone.
"You give Ezra the keys to the lake cabin, and have him take Vin out there with him for the weekend. Then Ezra can talk to him, about the virtues of settling down with someone."
"I don't know. I don't want to manipulate him..." Chris said, though the wheels were clearly turning in his mind. I couldn't believe what was happening.
"Neither do I. But we both know what is best for him. And Ezra is just the man to help him out,” Josiah stated matter of factly.
I was both terrified and exhilarated at the idea. Mostly terrified. That's why I was so surprised when I heard myself say "Well, if you think it would help. After all, we all just want what is best for Mr. Tanner."
7777777
And that brings me to the present. I am at the lake cabin with Vin. Alone. For the whole weekend. Where I am expected to explain to Vin the “virtues” of settling down with a good woman.
I wonder how long it will take me to go insane?
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